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‘Clinton Francis Barton, what the fuck is that?’
Clint looked up at Tony who was stood on the other side of the breakfast bar, with an incredulous look on his face. ‘New phone,’ he held it up to show Tony, ‘Like it?’ It was the new purple iPhone 12. He had to buy it because, well, it was purple. No further explanation needed.
‘It’s– It’s Apple.’
‘It’s purple, Stark. Purple.’
‘But an Apple phone, really? Why must you betray me like this Hawkguy? Fraternising with the enemy?’
‘P-U-R-P-L-E.’ Clint spelt out letter by letter, fingerspelling at the same time for good measure, at which Stark harrumphed and left the kitchen without another word to go do Clint didn’t care what.
Clint didn’t see Tony again for almost a whole week, outside of brief acknowledgements of the other as they pass in hallways and suchlike.
But when he and Tony finally do cross each other’s paths long enough for more than a wave or fist bump, it is at three AM when neither should be in the kitchen getting snacks due to yet another sleepless night.
Tony gestured to his ears and Clint shook his head and dug around in his pocket for his hearing aids to hear Tony speak as it was too dark to lipread, even with his vision. Hey, both his phone and aids were purple, heh they matched. Awesome. ‘Hawkguy! Just the person I was looking for.’ Considering that it was three AM, Clint guessed that Tony wasn’t actually looking for anyone, but whatever.
But Clint’s curiosity was piqued and he hummed inquisitively. If Nat was here she would probably say something about Clint’s curiosity and lack of self-preservation skills will be what gets him killed. All said with love, obviously.
‘Yeah! Come down to the lab, something I wanna show you.’ Okay, Tony was way too hyper for three AM, how much caffeine had that guy had?
Clint grabbed his own mug of coffee off the kitchen side because he was a contradictory bastard (his own words). ‘Lead the way, Metal Man.’ Clint gestured broadly to the elevator.
‘Clintttt,’ Tony whined from where he was already inside his lab, ‘Hurry uppp.’
Clint sighed and reluctantly downed the last mouthful of his coffee, continuing with his slow dawdle down the hallway, his sole aim to piss Stark off, just for kicks. ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m coming, sheesh,’ he muttered to no one sans himself. And J.A.R.V.I.S.
Clint found Tony hunched over a workbench tapping away at holograph screens, muttering to himself. ‘So, what was so important that you just had to drag me away from my ever so important three AM snack?’ Clint placed his empty coffee mug on the workbench tabletop and jutted his hip out to lean against it, crossing his arms in what he hoped was a stern manner, but probably wasn’t.
Tony turned around, a manic grin on his face, which was honestly kind of terrifying, especially when fueled by three AM delirium. ‘Finally made it, Birdbrain? Good. Right, anyway.’ Tony turned to pull a box out of the drawer which J.A.R.V.I.S. had previously opened, ‘Ta-Da!’
Clint was confused. ‘Its… a box?’
‘Well, yes. But it’s what’s inside the box, Hawkguy.’
Right, of course. Slightly sceptical, Clint assessed the box from all sides, ‘It’s not gonna, like jump out at me or anything right?’
‘Pfft, what am I, five?’
Clint just gave him the look.
‘Shut up.’
Clint grinned but continued his assessment of the box. ‘It’s not like a sex toy or anything right? Because as much as I like you Tones, Bucky and I are in a very serious exclusive relationship.’ Which, considering Clint’s dating history, he was pretty damn proud of.
‘Just shut up and open the damn box, dude.’
‘Okay, okay.’ Clint inadvertently held his breath as he opened the box to reveal a… phone? ‘It’s a phone.’ Wow, way to state the obvious, Clint.
‘Yes, it is. In fact, it’s the very first of the latest StarkTech phone. Go on, have a look.’
Clint carefully lifted the phone out of the box, which he placed next to his empty coffee mug. Turning the phone over in his hands he had to say, Stark had pretty much outdone himself this time, the phone was sleek and relatively lightweight, had multiple camera options, large enough that it didn’t feel tiny in his Large Male Archer hands but there was one slight drawback, the phone was a plain, boring grey. ‘Gotta say, Tony, that’s pretty damn good–’
‘Eloquent as ever, Clint, a several thousand dollar prototype and it’s “pretty damn good”. Never change.’ Tony interrupted, grinning.
‘–As I was saying, but why is it grey,’ Clint made a displeased face, ‘That’s so boring, and so unlike you, Mister I-Fly-Around-In-A-Red-And-Gold-Suit.’
Tony looked, pleased? At his criticism. Which Clint did not expect, at all. ‘You see Hawkdude, that’s where the real magic happens.’ Tony sat on the counter and made grabby hands at the phone, ‘Gimme.’ Clint handed him the phone, rolling his eyes. Tony started to tap away at the phone navigating his way through the settings application, while Clint peered over his shoulder. ‘Watch this, Legolas’ Tony used his finger to slide a colour picker to a shade of purple and he flipped the phone over to reveal the back was now the same shade of purple that he had selected.
Clint felt his jaw drop, ‘Shut up. That’s fucking awesome. What the hell.’ Clint reached for the phone himself and moved the colour picker to a darker shade of purple, watching as the back of the phone changed to match. ‘How?’ Clint asked, an incredulous look on his face.
‘It’s nanotechnology. I saw your disgusting excuse for a phone. Apple, really? And well, obviously I can do better, so I did better.’
‘Sir, if I may,’ J.A.R.V.I.S. interjected, ‘That makes you sound rather pretentious.’
Clint spluttered as he tried and failed to stifle his laughter. ‘Pfft, that. Was hilarious. Thank you, J. Thank you.’
‘Damnit. Peter, Ned, and MJ must’ve messed with J.A.R.V.I.S. again, damn hooligans.’ Despite his words, Tony sounded mightily unbothered by the whole ordeal, and if Clint put his spy skills to use and really analysed his voice, he could just detect a hint of pride.
‘I can neither confirm nor deny that, sir. And saying “damn hooligans” makes you sound like a boomer, sir.’
That set Clint off on another laughing fit, ‘Oh. My. God. J, remind me to buy the Terrible Trio chocolate or pizza or something because that made my damn day, night, whatever.’
‘Reminder set for two PM tomorrow, Clint. Two hours before they are set to arrive at the tower. Buy Peter, Ned, and MJ chocolate or pizza for successfully pissing off Tony.’ J.A.R.V.I.S. quoted his request back at him in “Clint” talk.
‘Right, moving on,’ Tony tried to redirect the conversation.
‘Yes, phone, right.’ Clint went along with Tony’s redirection but signed a quick thank you to J.A.R.V.I.S. when Tony’s back was turned. ‘So, Tones, when’s this set to be released?’ Clint asked as he messed with the colour selector again, changing it to the exact same shade of blue as Bucky’s eyes, smiling to himself.
‘Well, this is prototype one, I just wanted to have something to wean you off that stupid Apple phone. There’s still a lot of bugs and glitches which need to be sorted, and I might change it a bit so people can use photos not just colours for the nanotech back, what d’you think?’ He asked Clint, taking the phone from his hands, and rolled his eyes when he noticed the new colour of the back.
‘Yeah, that’d be cool. Definitely one way for StarkTech to dominate the mobile phone market.’
‘Yeah, not that that’s my aim, of course. I’m just giving the people what they so clearly want.’
‘Yeah, of course. Definitely. Absolutely.’
‘So, Hawkguy, what d’you say, ready to ditch Apple and join the dark side? We have cookies and superior phones.’ Tony joked.
‘Ha-ha, Stark. Yeah, sure. Gotta show my support for our favourite Tin Can, right?’
Tony opened his mouth to reply but what came out instead was a yell as he threw the phone onto the metal worktop, as it had suddenly erupted into flames.
‘And that’s also one of the things which needs to be fixed. It’s a work in progress.’ Tony sighed. Dum-E rolled over with a fire extinguisher grasped in his claw and completely missed the flaming phone and instead dowsed Tony in the foam.
‘Aw, Dum-E, no.’ Clint heard a crack from his coffee mug as it split from the heat emitting from the box that had caught fire from the still flaming phone. ‘Aw, coffee mug, no.’