Chapter Text
No matter how much Momo tried, he couldn’t take the images of that day out of his mind.
In a moment, Banri and Yuki were on the stage, singing and dancing as usual; and then, suddenly, Yuki was on the floor, with Banri by his side, desperately calling his name. There was blood… Momo couldn’t tell how much of it was really there, and how much was an exaggeration of his mind, but there was blood on Yuki’s head and on the stage. He could still feel that cold sensation taking his entire body as people started to scream around him—as he tried to move closer to the stage, only to be pushed back by the crowd.
Momo closed his eyes, the words he heard from another helper of Re:vale echoing again in his head: Yuki had disappeared. Went away during the night, leaving nothing but a small note behind.
It couldn’t be real… It didn’t feel real, at least. But a look at his phone was enough to confirm Momo’s fears: there were the messages he had sent to both Yuki and Banri, with no response for the past five days. It was normal for Yuki to take a while to answer his texts, but Banri always did it in no more than a few hours. The silence worried him, enough to not allow him to sleep at night.
Momo glanced at the time. Just a bit past four in the afternoon… He got up from his bed, quickly changing his clothes, leaving his bedroom. He hesitated, then stopped by his sister’s door.
“I’m leaving for a bit, okay?” he said.
Her answer was low, and sounded as tired as he felt. “Okay.”
Momo sighed. He wished he could offer Ruri more comfort with the possible end of the group they both loved so much, but he couldn’t. Not only because of how painful it was, but also because he didn’t know how to—the few times he tried, she simply asked him to leave.
Maybe Banri would ask him the same thing, but it didn’t matter: Momo wouldn’t be at peace if he didn’t at least try. He made his way to that address, which Yuki had given him just a few days before. At the time, Yuki was trying to persuade Momo to visit their apartment, so he could listen to their new song. I know you’ll love it, Yuki had said with that honest and endearing confidence of his. Momo didn’t doubt his words—he always loved Yuki’s songs.
The memory of Yuki’s small, but excited smile was enough to break Momo’s heart. Yuki was so happy that day… Why did something that horrible happen to him?
Questions like that floated through his mind while he walked to the train station, and then all the way until he reached the right stop. Momo walked down the street until he found the place, then made his way to Banri’s door. He took a deep breath, gathering his courage before ringing the doorbell. It didn’t take long for Banri to open the door, clearly taken aback by the sight.
“Momo?”
He… doesn’t look well. Banri had an unshaven face, reeked of alcohol, and clearly hadn’t had a good night of sleep in days.
“Sorry for coming so suddenly…” said Momo. “You didn’t answer my messages, so I got worried.”
Banri seemed lost for a moment. “Oh, right… I completely forgot about it.”
If the smell hadn’t made his drunkenness clear enough, the way he dragged on each word would have.
“It’s alright.” Momo hesitated for a moment. “Did you learn anything about Yuki?”
“No… He’s nowhere to be—” Banri stopped talking, groaning as he brought a hand to his head. “Come in. We shouldn’t be talking about this outside.”
Momo nodded. “Excuse me.”
The smell of alcohol was even stronger inside the apartment. The table and the floor near the couch were covered by empty cans and bottles. A stain on the opposite wall caught Momo’s attention, and his eyes followed the drip lines down to the glass shards scattered on the floor. His stomach turned as he imagined what had caused that scene.
“Sorry,” said Banri, “I know the place is a mess.”
“Don’t apologize for that.” Momo turned to face Banri, making an effort not to look at all those signs of self-destruction around him. “Do you have any idea where Yuki could be?”
“If I had, I’d have dragged him back home already.”
“I thought so…”
Momo expected that to be the case, but part of him still hoped Banri would suddenly remember something—a clue of sorts—that would lead them in the right direction. He stared at the floor, trying to think of something, aware that he was grasping at straws by that point.
“That airhead is terrible at anything that isn’t music.” Banri’s somber voice called his attention. “He can’t take care of himself at all… I don’t know how he’ll be able to survive out there, on his own.”
Momo looked at him, trying to, but unable to find an answer. Banri showed a bitter smile before adding in a lower tone.
“I’m sorry… I don’t know why I said all that.”
That was the last push Momo needed to finally say what had been in his mind for days. “Ban… Please, let me help you find him.”
Banri didn’t answer immediately, meeting Momo’s gaze. He considered it for a while, then sighed, shaking his head. “I couldn’t ask you something like that. You have your own life to worry about.”
“But I can’t do anything else knowing that Yuki is missing!” insisted Momo. “I’m really worried about him!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll find him somehow.”
Banri’s tone gave him no room to insist, but Momo wasn’t willing to give up yet.
“Please, let me help you,” Momo repeated in a firmer tone. “Even if you say no, I’ll still do it on my own. But I think it would be better if we did it together.”
It was probably the first time he spoke in such a determined tone to Banri, who widened his eyes, not answering for a moment. “I… I see,” he said, finally. “If you’ve really made up your mind then… I’ll take any help I can.”
A wave of relief filled Momo’s chest. “Thank you very much!” He bowed slightly to Banri, then something crossed his mind. “Do you… Do you have a photo of him I can use?”
“Yes… I’ll get it for you.”
Momo watched as Banri half walked, half stumbled to the rack, taking what seemed like a photo album from it. The scene turned his attention back to those empty cans and bottles around him. “You shouldn’t drink so much…”
“What else am I supposed to do?” asked Banri in a sharp tone.
“Are you eating properly, at least?”
Banri answered with a heavy sigh, taking a photo from the album before shoving it back in place. He walked back to where Momo was standing, offering him the photo. “Here it is.”
“Ah, thanks.”
Momo looked at the photo, and seeing Yuki’s face made his heart crumble once again. He carefully held it against his chest, unable to keep looking at it without the urge to cry.
“Sorry…” Banri’s low voice made Momo look up. “But I’d rather be alone right now.”
Momo wanted to say something, but only nodded in response. Banri walked him to the entrance, and after stepping outside, Momo gathered his courage to say one last thing. “Ban… If you need anything, just let me know.”
“Don’t worry about me,” Banri answered mechanically. “I’ll be fine.”
He closed the door, and Momo stayed there, staring at it for a while. It was painful to see Banri—usually so caring and reliable—in that state. Momo wished there was something he could do for him, but… What could someone like him do? He wasn’t even a friend… If he had insisted on staying, he would only have made things worse.
But Momo could think about that later. He looked at that picture, his chest tightening at the sight of Yuki’s subtle smile. Why? Why did you go away?
Momo tried to push those thoughts out of his mind. It wasn’t the time to feel sad… He had to find Yuki.
With that in mind, he made his way back to the train station. Banri had certainly searched the area near their apartment, so… Where should he start? Momo tried to think of a place Yuki could have gone to, but if not even Banri had a clue, he certainly wouldn’t have a better guess. He ended up choosing a station near a public park—a place as good as any to start his search.
Momo went back home hours later, still without a single clue on where Yuki could be.
On the next day, Momo stared at the closed door of Banri’s apartment once again, debating with himself if he should ring the doorbell or simply walk away and leave him alone. It was tempting to do the latter: their interaction on the previous day had made clear that Banri didn’t want him around.
Yet, Momo couldn’t simply ignore the state he was in. Even if Banri told him to leave again, he had to at least try to do something.
Momo practiced a smile, then let out a heavy sigh. He wasn’t ready for it, but rang the bell anyway. The door opened a few seconds later, and Banri seemed even more surprised to see him there than on the previous day.
“You’re here again…” he said.
Momo showed the smile he had been practicing. “I brought some food. Is it okay if I go inside?”
Banri hesitated but ended up stepping aside, gesturing for Momo to enter. “Sure.”
The place was in that same pitiful state from the previous day, if not worse. Momo walked to the table, opening way among all that junk to place the take-out platter he had bought in a nearby convenience store.
“You didn’t have to worry about this,” said Banri.
“It’s okay,” answered Momo. “I’d be worried if I didn’t make sure Ban is at least eating well.”
Banri didn’t answer, and Momo didn’t expect him to.
“I’m sorry for yesterday,” murmured Banri after a long while.
“Why?”
“You were worried about me, and I was rude to…” Banri stopped talking, furrowing his brow. “What are you doing?”
Momo had taken an empty trash bag out of his backpack, using it to gather all that junk around the house, starting with the table, then moving to the floor. “This place looks gloomy with all these cans around.”
“You don’t have to—”
“I’ll be done in a minute.”
He swiftly continued that task, and soon all that was left was the broken bottle close to the wall. Momo crouched near those glass shards, carefully picking the larger ones.
“Ah… Be careful there,” said Banri.
“I’ll be, don’t worry.”
“No, wait…” Banri walked toward the kitchen, then returned with a dustpan and a broom, handing them to Momo. “Here.”
“This helps.” Momo smiled. “Thanks.”
Soon, the place was much cleaner—and safer—than before. Of course, there was still a layer of dust over everything in sight, but Momo would take care of it later: he didn’t want to risk overstaying his welcome.
“There,” said Momo. “Much better now.”
Banri lowered his gaze, staying silent for a while. He then let out a low, humorless chuckle. “You must think I’m pathetic…”
“No way,” Momo said with a wave of his hands. “Ban is the coolest person I’ve ever met.”
“What about this is cool?”
The lack of confidence in his voice hurt. Momo widened his smile. “Everything. That didn’t change just because you’re sad.”
Again, Banri didn’t answer.
“Anyway,” continued Momo. “I’ll be going now. Make sure to eat properly, okay?”
“Sure…”
Momo waved briefly, then walked to the door, leaving the apartment. He let out a long sigh, giving himself a few seconds before dashing to the train station.
Where should I go today?
Banri didn’t seem surprised when Momo appeared at his door for the third time.
“Are you going to make this a daily thing?” he asked.
Momo smiled in response. “May I come in?”
Banri simply stepped aside. “Go ahead.”
As soon as Momo entered the place, he noticed a few new empty cans on the table. “You’ve been drinking again…” He sighed. “Are you drinking water too, at least?”
Banri stayed silent, which was answer enough.
“Excuse me for a minute.” Momo walked to the kitchen, taking a glass from the cupboard and filling it with water. He walked back to the entrance, handing it to Banri. “Here.”
“Seriously…?”
“You’ll have a headache if you don’t hydrate yourself properly.”
“Talked like a true soccer captain.” Banri sneered, seeming to regret his words as soon as he said them. “Shit… I’m sorry, that was…”
“It’s fine.” Momo smiled. “Did you eat the food I brought you yesterday?”
“Yes.”
“That’s great! Here…” He showed Banri the plastic bag in his hand. “I brought you today’s dinner.”
Banri looked away, seeming unsure of how to respond. “You don’t have to do this…”
“I’m telling you it’s not a problem.” Momo took a brief look around. “Can I borrow some stuff for a minute?”
“What stuff?”
“Cleaning stuff.”
His answer made Banri stare at him.
“No!” said Banri. “It’s enough that you brought food again… You don’t need to do anything else.” He made a pause, lowering his voice. “Actually, you don’t need to do any of this anymore. This isn’t something you need to worry about.”
Momo knew Banri didn’t mean to hurt him with those words, but they still stung.
“That’s not true,” Momo said in a low, calm voice. “You may see me as nothing but a fan, but… to me, Re:vale is one of the most important things in my life. It wouldn’t feel right for me to do nothing after how much you two helped me, even without knowing. And also, I…”
Momo hesitated, then inhaled sharply. Why hide it now?
“I’m in love with Yuki.” The words felt heavier than he expected, but he managed to keep his calm tone. “So, I won’t be at peace until I know he’s safe.”
A long, heavy silence followed his words, while Banri stared at him with his mouth half-open. “You…” He stopped himself, averting his gaze. In a few more seconds, the surprise faded from his face, and Banri covered his mouth with a hand. “I didn’t know.”
Momo forced a smile. “You weren’t supposed to. Neither of you was, actually.” As he spoke, he tried to ignore the part of him that already regretted his choice. “But this doesn’t change how important he is to me, or how much I want to find him.” He almost stopped there, but something inside him made him keep going. “And you… Even if it’s not the same, you’re important to me too. I know you’re the one suffering the most since he left, and it hurts to think I can do nothing to stop it. So, Ban…” He shut his eyes, then bowed his head. “Please, let me at least do this.”
There was no response for quite a while. Momo opened his eyes again, seeing Banri with his arms crossed, staring distantly at the floor. When he noticed Momo’s gaze, he let out a small sigh. “I can’t say no after hearing that.”
Momo let out his breath, relieved. He knew he was probably being a nuisance to Banri, but it was still much better than walking away when he knew he could do something to help—even if it was such a small thing.
“I’ll be done in a moment,” said Momo. “Now… Where do you keep the cleaning supplies?”
“Wait…” Banri hesitated, seeming embarrassed. “If you’re doing this, I’ll at least help you out. I’m the one who made a mess, after all…”
Momo almost refused, but… Maybe getting off that couch would be good for Banri. “Okay!” Momo widened his smile. “Two people will finish faster than one!”
“I suppose so.”
First, Momo opened the windows to let some fresh air come in; then, together, they swiped and dusted the place, washed the dishes, and took the trash outside. Momo offered to take care of the laundry, but Banri insisted that he could do it later. When they were done, the place felt less depressing than before.
“Better now,” said Momo. “Thanks for letting me borrow your things.”
Banri shook his head. “I should be the one thanking you for cleaning the place…”
“No need. You did half of the work, anyway.” Momo glanced at his phone, checking the time. “I gotta go now. Make sure to eat, alright?”
“Yes.”
Momo walked to the door, glancing over his shoulder before stepping outside. “See you tomorrow.”
Banri didn’t answer, but offered him a small wave in return.