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Victor and Rahim are draped on the couch at the Salazar's for one of their traditional Friday night movies. Rahim's head rests on a pillow in Victor's lap. But not even the sight of Tom Holland in a skintight superhero suit can hold Rahim's attention as Victor's fingers idly tangle in his hair, lazily twisting it into soft curls.
Rahim had cut a deal with Pilar to make sure they'd have the apartment to themselves for the evening ("Ew, fine, whatever. Just as long as I never find out the details of what happens. Like, I'm happy for you and all, but that's my brother. Just...gross..."). But he hasn't been able to work up the nerve to talk to Victor about what's been bothering him.
Rahim is pulled out of his thoughts by his boyfriend's voice. He looks upward to find Victor looking at him curiously. Shit. Victor definitely just asked him something.
"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Did you say something?"
Victor's hand moves from his hair to his cheek and he lightly brushes his fingers across the soft skin. "I asked if you're okay? You’ve seemed kind of distracted all week.”
Rahim sits up and fiddles with the ring on his right hand, pressing the cold metal into his fingers. "Oh, um, right. There is actually something I've been wanting to talk to you about."
Victor's expression clouds slightly. "Oh, uh okay." He reaches for the remote and turns off the TV, then shifts in his seat to face Rahim, his posture guarded. "Go ahead."
Sensing the change in the atmosphere, Rahim quickly reaches for his hand and squeezes it reassuringly. "It's nothing bad, don't worry. Or at least, I hope it's not bad." He swallows nervously.
Victor visibly relaxes and rubs soothing circles on the back of Rahim's hand with his thumb. "You know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"
Rahim isn't someone who is often at a loss for words. But there's something about Victor that quiets him, this guiless charm that cuts out the noise. He can just exist with Victor without trying to fill all of the space around him. It's disarming, yet refreshing at the same time.
Normally, Rahim appreciates this quality in his boyfriend. But, right now, he could really use a little of his usual bravado.
Rahim stands up abruptly, steps a few feet in front of Victor, and pulls a couple of note cards from his back pocket. He licks his lips and takes a deep breath, stealing a quick glance at Victor before starting to read from the first index card.
"Dear Victor. It's your boyfriend, Rahim." He gives a small wave and tight smile to Victor, who is watching him intently. Rahim's stomach lurches under the intense stare and he quickly looks back at his cards, which tremble in his hands.
"There's something I've wanted to tell you for awhile, but it's hard for me to find the courage to say the words out loud. The last few months have been incredible, and you - you're incredible. I can't stop smiling when we're together, even if we're just watching a movie or doing our homework. I've never felt so connected to someone in my entire life. Victor, I-"
He pauses, struggling to get the last words out. He's memorized these final two words, said them over and over in his mind, and on a few brave occasions, even whispered them under his breath. But these are still the hardest of all to say.
Victor is looking at him warmly, eyes shining. And that's all the encouragement he needs. He sets the note cards on the coffee table and sits down next to Victor, taking his hands in his own.
"Victor, I love you." And he finally breathes, smiling as the weight of the words leaves him. When Victor doesn't respond immediately, his euphoria evaporates and he shakes his head uncertainly. "And, um, it's totally okay if you don't feel the same way, I just - "
Victor's hand cups his cheek, fingers wrapping around the back of his neck. He leans in; and kisses Rahim tenderly, their nosed brushing together. Victor pulls away to look Rahim in the eyes.
"I love you, too."
Warmth floods through him, sunshiney and bright. "You do?"
Victor nods. "Like, so much." Victor's hands drop to his lap and his eyes follow shyly. "I've known for awhile, but I thought maybe it was too soon and I didn't want to freak you out or put too much pressure on you."
Rahim laces his fingers through Victor's. "Trust me, nothing you could say could freak me out. I freaked myself out thinking that…" Rahim stops himself, sucking in his cheeks.
"Wait, what were you going to say?"
"What? I wasn't… Why don't we finish the movie? I'm ready to properly enjoy Tom Holland's cute dancer butt now." He tries to reach for the remote, but Victor catches his hand.
"Hey, what's going on? Why were you so freaked out?"
Rahim sighs, unable to resist Victor's concerned face. "Okay, this is probably going to sound stupid, but I was worried that maybe after what happened with…" he shrugs uncomfortably. "after everything that happened with Benji that maybe you wouldn't feel the same way about me that you did about him." Rahim tentatively meets Victor's eyes.
"Oh," Victor whispers softly. "That's not dumb to wonder about. Not that you have anything to worry about." Victor turns his head to the side as he contemplates what to say. "In a way, that's true."
Rahim's eyebrows crease in concern.
"I just mean that I don't love you in the same way, but not in a bad way, just in a different way. With Benji, it was like we were always rushing to get to the next step, almost like we were burning and trying to get as far as we could before we suffocated. Even if we didn't realize it then."
Rahim nods slightly, encouraging him to continue. "But with you? It's completely different. I feel like I can breathe with you, like we have time. I just want to take things slow, you know, smell the flowers, enjoy the little things. I don't want to miss a single moment with you."
Rahim tucks himself into Victor's neck, whispering contentedly, "You certainly have a way with words, Salazar. See, I told you brains are the first thing I look for in a guy." Victor wraps his arms tightly around him, holding him close.
"Did you really write all that on a note card?"
"Shut up, okay. I was nervous."
"Have I ever told you that you're the cutest person alive?"
"Wait, does that mean you know cuter dead people? Am I dating a serial killer? Because I would so let you decapitate me."
"Shut up."