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"I think I might be pregnant," Clarke blurted out as soon as his door opened.
Bellamy blinked in shock, standing still. "I-uh, okay. Uh, hi." He scratched his head nervously, and then opened the door a few inches wider. "You want to come in?"
Clarke nodded, exhaling shakily now that she'd used all up of her courage to buy the pregnancy tests from the pharmacy and drive over to Bellamy's apartment and blurt out that single sentence. Everything that came next terrified her. She ran a hand through her hair, hanging loosely around her shoulders, because she hadn't taken the time to shower or even throw it up in a messy bun.
She had raced out the door as soon as she'd woken up that morning and concluded that she still had not started her period. She was now officially a week late, and officially freaked out. Which was why she was here, with Bellamy, her best friend. But he was also, if the tests came back positive, the father of her child. And Clarke didn't know what was more terrifying—the fact that she might be pregnant, or the fact that she might be pregnant with Bellamy's child .
Bellamy laced his hands together behind his head, and Clarke could tell from the expression on his face that his mind was running in a thousand different directions thanks to the six words she’d said aloud. She could tell because she knew him so well—they’d been best friends since freshman year, and she’d been in love with him for most of that time.
“Okay, so, uh, you think you might be…” he said, his words choppy as he stumbled over the last word. The p-word. Pregnant.
Clarke dropped the white plastic bag from the pharmacy on his kitchen counter and it clattered loudly. She looked up at him, her lip caught in between her teeth. Slowly, she nodded. Then quickly relayed to him her reasons for concern.
Bellamy exhaled, and leaned back against the counter. “Okay, so what do we do next?”
We . It was the last thing she expected Bellamy to say, so she laughed. But really, Clarke should have known he’d be all in from the first minute. On her side, no matter what.
She ran her hands through her hair again, her palms feeling clammy. “I pee on the sticks, and you make sure I don’t freak out too much?” Her voice rose higher so it felt like a question instead of a plan.
“Okay, yeah. I can do that,” Bellamy nodded. “Do you—uh, do you need something to drink first? Water?”
“Water would be great.”
He filled a glass at the tap and passed it to her, and Clarke swallowed the water back.
Bellamy stepped closer to her, their arms almost touching. “Are you okay, Clarke?”
She shook her head, “Not really, no. I just—I just need an answer. And then I can either stop worrying or know how terrified I need to be.” She blinked her eyes quickly, staring down at the floor, willing the tears not to come.
His hand was warm on her arm, comforting. It took everything in her to not lean into his touch, to not fold herself into his embrace and let him hold her, like he had only a few nights ago, the last time they’d hooked up.
“Clarke, look at me,” Bellamy said, and once her gaze met his, he continued. “Hey, no matter what happens, nothing’s going to change between you and me. You’ll still be my best friend, I promise.”
Tight-lipped, Clarke nodded. Without saying anything else, she grabbed the plastic bag from the pharmacy off of his counter and walked down the hall to the bathroom.
It was only when the door was locked behind her that her tears began to fall. Looking in the mirror, she used the sleeve of her sweater to wipe her cheeks, and took a deep breath as she opened the first test.
Of course Bellamy would insist that nothing would change between them. That hurt more than the reassurance it was intended to be. Because Clarke desperately wanted things to change between them. She was in love with Bellamy. But Bellamy would never love her back, at least, not the way she wanted to be loved by him. Because Bellamy didn’t date. He only hooked up, nothing serious and never interested in more. Which was exactly how Clarke had gotten them into this mess. Because if that was all that Bellamy was willing to give her, she would take as much of him as she could.
It had started with an empty bottle of tequila on a late night when they both felt lonely, and turned into Clarke waking up in Bellamy’s bed the next morning with a massive hangover. And somehow, she was too hungover to remember the exact conversation, they decided to give the whole ‘friends-with-benefits’ thing a shot. And three months later, Clarke was still in love with Bellamy, currently in his bathroom taking a pregnancy test. Three of them, just to be sure.
She left the pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter, and stepped back into the hall.
Bellamy was waiting there, his hands in his pockets, and a worried look on his face.
“Everything okay?” he asked, as if they weren’t currently in the weirdest situation of her life.
Instead of answering, she passed him the boxes with the instructions. “Can you set a timer?”
She leaned her back against the wall, and covered her face with her hands, and then slid slowly down the wall until she was seated on the floor, knees pressed to her chest.
A moment later, Bellamy sat down next to her, his long legs resting against the opposite wall, bent at the knee.
“Three tests, eh?” Bellamy asked, breaking the silence. “Someone came prepared.”
His joke fell flat as Clarke stared at him through her fingers. She dropped her hands to her knees with an exasperated sigh. “That’s not funny. If I was prepared, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.”
“I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized, bumping his elbow against hers. “I’m—I just don’t know what to do to help right now. Something tells me you’ll kill me if I give you a whole speech about how if it is positive, I’ll support whatever you decide and all that.”
Clarke rolled her eyes at him. “Bell, you’d give that speech to any girl who found herself in this position. That’s just who you are.” Which was exactly why she definitely wouldn’t be thrilled to hear that speech right now. She didn’t want to be just anyone to him. Of course she wanted to have kids with Bellamy one day, but she wanted that to be their choice together , not born from a situation where Bellamy had no choice but to parent her child.
“Okay, so…” Bellamy tapped his hands loudly on his knees, looking up at the ceiling.
“Bell, that’s not helping,” Clarke moved his hands from his knees, holding them in her grip so he’d stop moving. She sighed. “Sorry, I just—”
“It’s okay, Clarke, you’re allowed to be stressed.” He twisted his hand in hers so their palms were aligned, slipping his fingers between hers. He held her hand gently, as if it belonged there, entwined with hers.
“I know you don’t want to hear my big speech, but I just have to say, if the test is positive, it’s not bad news. It’s just unexpected, okay?”
She looked up and Bellamy’s dark eyes were genuine and honest.
“You’re my best friend, Clarke. You’re my favourite person. I know you don’t want me to say anything, but there’s no one else, okay? I wouldn’t want to be sitting here on the floor, waiting for these test results with anyone else. It’s you, only you.”
Clarke blinked up at him, the words no one else echoing through her mind. It’s you, only you . “Really?” Without thinking, she squeezed his hand a little bit tighter.
“Yeah, I mean, shit… Now’s probably the worst time to tell you this,” Bellamy scratched his jaw with his free hand. “But, I—I want to be with you. However you’ll have me, whether we’re just friends, or if keeping up this ‘friends-with-benefits’ is something you want to do, then I can be cool with that too. I want to be with you… just however you’re comfortable with it.”
For the second time that morning, those were the last words she expected to hear from Bellamy Blake. And they were the words she’d been desperately wanting to hear for so long. Her heart soared.
“I want that too,” Clarke whispered back, pausing for a moment to chew on her lip, building up the courage to finish her thought. She watched his face carefully for his reaction. “I want to be with you too, for real.”
“Yeah?” Bellamy asked, his voice a mixture of awe, disbelief, and unabashed hope.
“Yeah,” she confirmed, squeezing his hand again. It felt so natural to be holding his hand, and now she never wanted to let go, now that she knew he felt the same way about her. “I’m kind of in love with you.”
“I love you too,” he replied, immediately and reverently. With his free hand, Bellamy reached up to her face, his fingers gently moving her hair behind her ear, his thumb caressing her cheek during the motion.
Clarke leaned into his touch, keeping her eyes on him. It was Bellamy, her best friend and the man who held her heart. She felt safe here, held by him, sitting on the floor in his hallway.
Bellamy moved closer, leaning in for a kiss—their first real kiss, a kiss that wasn’t preluded with drunken excuses, hiding their desires beneath the guise of alcohol.
Closing her eyes, Clarke felt his breath on her skin, and just as their lips touched, his phone alarm blared.
They jolted backwards away from each other at the sound, eyes darting down to the device, suddenly remembering why they were sitting on the hallway floor.
“Ah, right. I almost forgot about that.” Bellamy silenced the alarm. He stood up and held out his hands, pulling Clarke to her feet next to him.
“You ready?” he asked, sliding his hands up her arms to rest on her shoulders, squeezing softly.
“No,” she shook her head, worrying her lip. “But I need an answer.”
“Do you want me to come with you or wait here?” Bellamy’s dark eyes watched her.
She found his hand again, pulling him behind her as she stepped into the bathroom. “You’re the one who said you wanted to be with me. You’re stuck with me now,” she teased, making a joke to hide how scared she really was.
But Bellamy saw through her defense. “Hey, I’m here. Whatever happens, I’m here, okay?” He cupped her cheek again, pressing a quick kiss to her lips.
“Ready?” Clarke asked, hand hovering over the upside down plastic sticks.
“Ready.” Bellamy rested a hand on her lower back, and she took comfort from his touch, his actions proving his words. He was here for real.
Taking a deep breath, Clarke flipped the tests over, one at a time.
One line.
A negative.
Not pregnant.
“They’re negative,” Clarke whispered.
Bellamy caught her eye in the mirror, but didn’t say anything. Instead he pulled her into a hug.
Hiding her face in chest, cradled in his arms, Clarke exhaled in relief. A tiny part of her had feared she might be disappointed if the results came back negative. That a tiny part of her might have wanted to be pregnant with Bellamy’s child, if and only if it meant a reason to keep Bellamy in her life forever. But she didn’t need to worry about that now. Not now that she knew he loved her, and she loved him back.
“You okay?” he asked, looking down to meet her eyes.
For the first time that morning, she smiled. “Yeah, I am. Thanks to you.”
Bellamy kissed her then, gently at first, as their real first kiss should be, but it quickly grew deeper. For the first time, Clarke kissed Bellamy truly, pouring all of her love for him into the kiss, no longer having to worry about whether this would be the last time he would want her drunk and in his bed. No, she didn’t have to worry anymore, not when Bellamy kissed her as if she was an unattainable prize he had finally won, by a stroke of luck. Delicately, genuinely, passionately.
It was real now. There was nothing to fear.
Breathless, Clarke pulled away, resting her forehead against his. She smiled widely, unable to mask her joy.
“So, since we’re not having a baby, want to go on a date with me?” Bellamy asked, a smirk on his face as he looped an arm around her waist.
Clarke grinned, bumping her hip against his. “Yeah? You really want to date me?”
“Yep,” he answered, popping the ‘p’ loudly against her ear before dropping a kiss to her shoulder. “Let’s go get brunch. I need coffee and pancakes after this morning.”
“Mmm, bacon too.” Clarke laced her fingers through his and followed him down the hall to the front door. “And then we should stop by the drug store afterwards, to get more condoms. Lots of condoms. We don’t need any more pregnancy scares for a while.”
“But maybe one day, in a few years, we can try for real?” he asked, his own insecurities visible in the cracks of his teasing demeanour. She knew he dreamed of one day having children and a family of his own. And now she knew that he wanted a family with her.
“Yeah, Bell. One day, you and me. Only with you,” Clarke answered, pressing a quick kiss to his lips as they left through the door.