Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

“Beomgyu?”

Beomgyu had entered Taehyun’s life on the ocean.

It was probably close to midnight, the moon high and reflecting off the waves. Taehyun had lost Yeonjun in the crowd of tipsy university students, wondering if he should just call Soobin because he honestly wasn’t feeling whatever the beach party was trying to give him. He had been next to ecstatic when Yeonjun had invited him along, the temporary feeling of freedom from the shackles of university and the inescapable dreariness of existing in a society certainly tempting.

But he found himself drifting away, holding his Converse in his hands and his jeans rolled up to his calves as he walked along the beach and let the water wash over his feet. Maybe he just simply wasn’t as much of a partygoer as Yeonjun was—that was entirely plausible.

It was then, when he looked up from the tide, that he saw a boy perched on the rocks that encaged the beach.

“Beomgyu, please answer me! Beomgyu!”

“So you’re not feeling it either, huh?” Taehyun spoke as he approached him, wondering if the boy even heard him over the rumble of the music behind him and the spash of the waves out past the barrier. But he turned to face him, his face illuminated by the moonlight.

“No, not really,” he said, giving a slight smirk. “I haven’t seen you around, though. What’s your name?”

Taehyun was only slightly taken aback by his straight-forwardness, the ocean breeze picking up a bit and zipping through his hair. “Kang Taehyun. I’m a first-year. And you?”

The boy nodded, pursing his lips in consideration. “Choi Beomgyu. Second-year.”

“Choi Beomgyu, please, you can’t leave me like this. Please, wake up, I’m begging you.”

“Ah,” Taehyun responded, resting his hand on his hip as he gazed up at the boy. “And what are you doing up on the rocks, Mr. Choi Beomgyu?”

Beomgyu let out a pensive sigh, squinting his eyes against the wind as he looked back out to the ocean. Taehyun followed his gaze, admiring for a moment how peaceful the ocean appeared at night, the sky clear and full of stars, despite how the waves snarled against the tide. He supposed they were lucky—to be able to be by the sea without fear of a Kaiju emerging from its depth. It was easy to forget that to so many others the ocean brought dread in times like this—when it was so breathtaking.

“It’s much prettier from up here,” Beomgyu stated matter-of-factly, fixing Taehyun a wide smile as he turned to look down at him. “Come on, you gotta see it to believe it.”

He then offered out a hand, his fingers appearing ever so delicate.

“Hey… don’t do this to me.”

Taehyun scoffed, wondering why he would ever trust a stranger he met at a party to get him up onto some slippery rocks in the dark when he very well could be intoxicated and entirely incapable of holding him steady if he fell. Hell, even Taehyun could feel a slight buzz, though he hadn’t drank that much. He wasn’t really a drinker—especially at parties. The thought of being wasted in front of strangers didn’t particularly appeal to him.

But Beomgyu waited, patiently, and Taehyun supposed he might as well join him. He seemed genuine, anyhow. And it wasn’t like anyone else had extended him such kindness that night—he was just paraded around as Yeonjun’s little first-year friend until Taehyun eventually lost him to the upperclassmen, anyways. So he chucked his Converse up the beach, making sure they hit the sand in a place they wouldn’t be swept away by the tide, and then took Beomgyu’s hand in his, letting out a small grunt as he heaved himself up.

Beomgyu was careful, his grip unwavering. Taehyun almost slipped as he reached the top but Beomgyu’s other hand flew out to catch his arm, pulling him up with one last outburst of effort. And then Taehyun was up on the rock, a complete stranger next to him, though nothing felt particularly wrong about it. Especially since Beomgyu had been right—elevated like this, it almost felt as if they were floating amongst the waves, drinking up the moonlight and dancing amongst the stars.

“Wow…” Taehyun trailed off, shutting his mouth once he realized it had been hanging open. “It really is pretty.”

“Yeah,” Beomgyu agreed, Taehyun realizing how full his voice sounded now that he was right next to him.

“And your name, again?” Taehyun asked once more, wanting to make sure he remembered it correctly.

“Beomgyu,” he answered with a slight chuckle. “And you’re Taehyun.”

Taehyun nodded, bringing his knees up and clasping his hands around them. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

“Come back to me. Please, come back to me.”

Beomgyu had entered Taehyun’s life on the ocean. 

And now, a decade later, in the Jaeger that had become as much a part of them as Beomgyu’s gentle touches on his skin and soft kisses he’d plant on his forehead before they would fall asleep, exhausted and weary from the weight of the world on their shoulders, Taehyun was losing Beomgyu to the sea.

The siren was nothing unfamiliar to Taehyun’s ears—if anything, it was more a daily wake-up alarm than something that would make him jump out of bed in fear anymore. Maybe the first few times it had been like that, when he’d wake up alone to that screeching, heart-stopping noise and have to leap out of bed in the dead of the night, the Kaiju not giving them any rest. But eight years had passed since Valiant Gamma was first deployed from the Tokyo Shatterdome and had killed its first Kaiju, a Category-II just off the shores of Sendai, its codename lost in the memory of all the others that came after. Not to say that the danger of it all hadn’t changed—it had gotten worse, that much was undeniable—but it certainly helped that he didn’t have to wake up to it alone anymore.

Beomgyu stirred next to him softly, his head resting in the crook of Taehyun’s neck rising slowly. Taehyun was more immediate—his eyes fluttered open, saw the light flashing from the alarm installed in every living quarters in the Shatterdome, and began to gently wriggle apart from the man still half asleep next to him. Once he was free he sat up, taking a second to glance at the clock mounted on the wall reading almost half past one in the morning.

“Come on,” he heard Beomgyu groan into the pillow, turning his head to look down at him as he spoke. “It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. Don’t they need sleep, too?”

Taehyun rubbed his eyes, blinking them into focus before he leaned down and planted a kiss on Beomgyu’s bare shoulder, giving him a pat on the arm as he pulled away. “You know the Kaiju,” he mused, throwing the blanket off of him and climbing out of bed. It was a routine, almost a ritual by then—the way he wasted no time peeling off his old T-shirt with their university’s logo plastered on the front to replace it with his almost uniform black turtleneck, followed by the black cargo pants and and worn out boots that he really, really had to replace soon.

But he wasn’t anxious at all. No, it was almost impossible to be at that point, years deep into the shadows. He’d been fighting the Kaiju for what seemed like forever now, and it had always ended in their demise rather than his. Didn’t mean it was suddenly easier, or that his body wasn’t in a constant state of soreness and his mind always resting just on the line of utter exhaustion and complete alertness. He could see the effects of it all in himself, in Beomgyu. That much was undeniable.

“How much longer do you think we can keep doing this?”

Beomgyu laid next to him as the two gazed up at the stars, their fingers intertwined by their side, taking advantage of the exceptionally clear night and running up to the rooftop they’d shared for years. There were so many memories up there that Taehyun held dear—with Beomgyu, and the others. But Beomgyu was so often the center of them all, for him. The laughter they’d shared, the tears, the anger. Their first kiss, so unromantically caught in the middle of a flash downpour—but it had been enough, oh it had been enough.

“What do you mean?” Taehyun replied, turning his head so he could see Beomgyu. But the man was still staring at the stars, his eyes almost twinkling.

“I mean, will our bodies eventually not be able to take it anymore?” The words left his lips like they’d been meditated on for decades—slowly, deliberately. “Like I want to do this forever, with you, but don’t you ever wonder how much longer we’ll last?”

Taehyun drew a breath, considering it only for a moment. “No, I don’t really,” he stated, truthfully. He never really liked to dwell on things that drew an ache in his heart like the way the end of their days as Jaeger pilots did, but rather on things that made his heart swell in anticipation. “And I don’t really want to do this forever, either.”

Beomgyu turned to him, then, their eyes meeting as he furrowed his brow. “You don’t?”

Taehyun just laughed then, settling his gaze back up on the stars, to the universe that expanded infinitely above them. “No, of course not. I want the war to end eventually, you know, maybe move back to Korea and have a house on the ocean to grow old in.”

Beomgyu scoffed dramatically in response, tearing his hand away to fold his arms across his chest. “Oh, I see. Am I at least invited?”

Taehyun heaved upwards into a sitting position, then, his bones still aching after they’d taken down a quite troublesome Category-IV earlier that morning. He leaned back on the palm of his hands as he looked down at Beomgyu, still pursing his lips at him in an overacted pout. It was still endearing to him, after all this time, how even though Beomgyu was one of the smartest people he knew (a chemistry major back in their university days, it still shocked him sometimes that he didn’t go into K-Science), it still took him a moment to catch onto the most obvious things. Taehyun knew that about him, just like he knew about everything else.

Because Taehyun knew everything about Choi Beomgyu. Knew him as much as he knew himself, maybe even better. He’d been in his head for what seemed like forever now, after all—it would be hard not to. 

He knew exactly what his childhood home looked like, which crevices Beomgyu would fit himself into when he and his brother played hide and seek as children, even though Taehyun had never set foot in it himself. He knew every variation of his laughter, every variation of his smile. He knew how he was deathly, irrationally scared of spiders of all things, which made absolutely no sense because they’d fought countless Kaiju that had resembled spiders in some facet before and he never wavered then (Taehyun supposed it only mattered when they were smaller than him, somehow). He knew exactly how to comfort him even when he would stubbornly insist he was fine, exactly how to pick apart his walls carefully, bit by bit, until he would finally admit that he wasn’t okay. And he knew exactly how to draw a gasp from his lips, exactly where he liked to be touched and where to plant his lips on his skin so that he’d unravel in his hands.

He knew him so well it was almost like they were one and the same, yet they were still two different entities, two different people that had somehow found each other at the end of the world. And Taehyun drew on the fact that he knew Beomgyu relished in surprise kisses, that the man craved physical affection almost like a drug. It was especially indulgent when Taehyun would do it in public, taking him off guard and his cheeks turning a shade pink akin to a soft sunset—even though Taehyun knew he loved it.

And everytime they kissed it was like the stars met, still thrilling, still tender. Taehyun bent down slowly, their lips meeting as naturally as the tides met the shore below them. His hand slipped so easily around the back of Beomgyu’s neck to pull him towards him, their legs tangling together as he sat up. And Beomgyu’s hand had found his waist, squeezing gently even after their lips parted, even as they leaned their foreheads together and smiled fondly to themselves. 

“I want to grow old with you, dumbass,” Taehyun uttered, his hand grazing on Beomgyu’s cheek as he spoke. “I want to go back to Korea with you and have that house on the sea, just like the night we met. Even if you think dying an epic death fighting a Kaiju is way cooler.”

Beomgyu chuckled softly, their eyes training on their fingers intertwining again in between them. “Who said I wanted to die like that?” he practically whispered, pulling his head away to plant a quick kiss on Taehyun’s forehead. He then gave him a warm smile, the stars reflecting in his eyes leaving Taehyun almost breathless. “Growing old with you would be way cooler, I think.”

“It better be,” Taehyun only half-teased him, squeezing Beomgyu’s hand tightly in his own. “Because if you ever die I’ll kill you.”

“Oh really?” Beomgyu taunted him, arching a brow. “You’ll kill me if I die?”

“I said what I said,” Taehyun told him, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. And he watched as Beomgyu reflected him like a mirror, an unspoken competition between them of who would laugh first suddenly ensuing. It was like that, between them—so much left unsaid, so much not needed to be said. That’s what years in the Drift did, for better or for worse. Taehyun liked to hope for the better.

Because so much was left unsaid in the moments before they’d march down to LOCCENT Mission Control as the siren of a newly spotted Kaiju bled into their ears, so much was left hanging in the air between them, the invisible threads that connected them relaying the unspoken words. What if this time it goes wrong? Will we be alright? Can I hold your hand? Sure, there was no anxiety left after years of the same routine for Taehyun to truly be fearful of anything going wrong. But he could still acknowledge it, silently, repeating the mantra in his head as he began to lace his boots.

We’ll be okay, because we are inevitable.

“Taehyun,” he heard Beomgyu mumble from behind him, and as Taehyun stood from where he’d been kneeling he felt the familiar arms wrap themselves around his waist, Beomgyu’s chin resting on his shoulder lightly. And he still found himself smiling, still found his heart fluttering at the sound of Beomgyu’s half-asleep voice.

“What are you doing?” he uttered, turning his head so that their noses were centimeters apart. “Go get ready, we don’t want to be late.”

“I am ready,” Beomgyu protested, and Taehyun had to stifle a laugh as he turned around, putting his hands on Beomgyu’s shoulders and shaking them a bit.

“Well, unless you wanna walk into LOCCENT half naked, I suggest you at least put a shirt on,” Taehyun told him, watching endearingly as Beomgyu glanced down to see his bare chest and return his gaze to Taehyun now with wide, awake eyes.

“Hey, I was going to do that, don’t give me that look!” he said almost accusingly, bringing his hands up in an attempt to cover himself as if Taehyun wasn’t the one who had left the faint trail of purple marks up his collarbone just hours before. But he just grinned, pushing Beomgyu lightly towards his dresser and watching as he pulled a shirt over his head, so many words left unsaid.

I love you.

“Okay, ready?” Beomgyu chirped, trotting up next to him.

“Always,” Taehyun replied, returning the smile Beomgyu was gazing at him with. And before he knew it Beomgyu had slipped his hand into his own, giving it that tight squeeze he always did before the left for debriefing on the newest threat to humanity emerging from the ocean’s depths.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

LOCCENT Mission Control was as much of a second home to Taehyun as the Conn-Pod of Valiant Gamma was. He could probably close his eyes and find his way to it in a heartbeat, the vibrant colors of the computers and the steady hum of the machines a welcoming hello as he and Beomgyu entered the massive room, chatter from its inhabitants brushing past Taehyun’s ear. He didn’t really catch much, besides the usual complaints of Kaiju showing up whenever any sane person would rather be asleep. Nothing out of the ordinary.

As he scanned the crowd, his eyes first found Yeonjun, the man’s back to them as he ordered several technicians around, the view of the screen that told them where the Kaiju was obscured by Yeonjun’s broad shoulders. Taehyun remembered how ecstatic Yeonjun had been when he told them of his promotion to head Neural Bridge Operator, his dream of finally being inside LOCCENT blooming before him. And it had been a while since Taehyun first ran in to see Yeonjun side by side with the higher ups, guiding Taehyun and Beomgyu through the comms as Valiant Gamma fought the monsters outside, but he didn’t really think the pride would ever go away. He'd finally found his place, after everything he'd been through.

And he could feel his heart swell even more as Taehyun eventually caught eye of his two other friends amongst the crowd of pilots that began to fill the room, their names leaving his lips almost instinctively and their gazes moving up synchronously to meet his.

We've all found our place.

“Soobinnie! Hyuka!” he called out, waving his hand above him as people passed in front of him, tugging Beomgyu along with him as he weaved through the crowd to reach the two Rangers. It’s always been a custom ever since Soobin and Kai were first deployed in Excalibur Blue those years ago now, the way they always found each other in LOCCENT before the debriefing began, how they exchanged a few words and smiles as if they weren’t in the midst of an alien attack on humanity. Keeping the mood light never hurt anyone, right?

“I think this is the first time you’re the last ones here,” Soobin pointed out, crossing his arms across his chest and giving the two a suspicious glance as they approached. “What were you doing, huh?”

“Oh, you know, Beomgyu almost forgot to put a shirt on,” Taehyun explained before Beomgyu could even open his mouth, settling with a sort of victorious feeling as Beomgyu’s ears began to turn red at Kai’s stifled laughter. 

“I was going to put one on…” Beomgyu mumbled, pursing his lips as he gave Taehyun that sulky look he knew too well. He was fine—just a bit dramatic, as always. 

“What, don’t look at me, I’m not the one laughing!” Taehyun defended himself, throwing up his hands and gesturing towards Kai, who immediately sealed his lips (or at least tried to) as Beomgyu’s gaze settled on him.

“You have no right to laugh, Huening, wasn’t it literally just a month ago you showed up without shoes on?” Beomgyu shot at him, an accusing finger jabbed in his direction. Taehyun found it amusing, then, how Kai looked almost offended, Soobin raising his brow and nodding slowly.

“Ah, I remember that, that was funny,” Soobin commented, his arm reaching around Kai’s hip to pull him closer teasingly as the man desperately tried to explain himself.

“I had them on when I left, they just fell off, that’s different,” Kai insisted, fixing Soobin an expectant glance then. “Come on, you saw. I had them on.”

“It’s because you don’t put your shoes on properly, ever,” Soobin told him, almost as if it was not the first reminder, and Taehyun had to keep himself from snorting. Instead he just sighed, bringing his hands together and clapping lightly as he glanced from Kai back to Beomgyu.

“Congratulations, you’re both idiots,” he spoke endearingly, giving Beomgyu a sly smile in which the man only scrunched up his face in return. And maybe Taehyun would have teased him more if he hadn’t heard the clapping of hands together that drew everyone’s attention to the front of the room, breaking them out of their carefully formed bubble.

Ah. Back to reality.

The Marshal stood just before the computers that separated the floor and the glass pane that gave view to the giant hangar, the sounds of the workers preparing the Jaegers for deployment muted even as LOCCENT drew silent. And he let the silence settle as the harping of the siren finally cut off, Taehyun feeling Beomgyu situate himself next to him, their shoulders glued together as they waited.

“Okay,” the Marshal finally breathed, his eyes meeting everyone in the room as he spoke. “Good morning, everyone.”

There were a few hums back to him, but everyone spared the awkwardness of trying to act like it wasn’t an ungodly hour. And the Marshal didn’t dwell on it either, instead taking a step back so he could look at the man seated at the main computer behind him, the LOCCENT Mission Controller—Kim Seokjin.

“Take it away,” the Marshal told him, Taehyun catching a glimpse of a smile as Seokjin rose from his seat, letting out a rather audible sigh as he stood to address them all.

“The Kaiju, codename Erebus, appeared at approximately 0112 on the radar, it’s travelling towards the Ibaraki Prefecture, most likely heading towards Mito. ETA is 0200,” the man declared, the contour of his voice suggesting no one was going to like what he was about to say next. Was anything he ever told them in debriefing meetings ever likeable, anyways?

But Seokjin drew a sigh, crossing his arms before him pensively. “We’ve confirmed that it’s a Category-V.”

Taehyun felt his jaw stiffen at the news. It was mostly involuntary—he knew they’d handled Category-V’s before, had banished them from stepping foot on land just like any others. It’s not like they had a choice in the matter, had a choice as to what kind of Kaiju would slip through the Breach at any moment. They were Rangers, after all—that was what they signed up for.

But maybe Category-V’s were the one thing that left Taehyun’s stomach feeling the slightest bit uneasy. They were exhausting, persistent, massive. And it didn’t particularly help when they found him in the dreamscape, too, wouldn’t even let him rest in his sleep. Waking up screaming, only to realize what he saw wasn’t real. He couldn’t really admit it to anyone, either, not even Soobin or Yeonjun or Kai. The mighty pilot of the legendary Valiant Gamma, put off by a Category-V? It even sounded ridiculous to himself.

But one person knew, just like he always did.

Beomgyu wasn’t subtle about it—he just slipped his hand into his, giving it a squeeze while his eyes stayed trained on the Marshal as he took his place back in front of the crowd. And it was comforting—for as well as Taehyun knew Beomgyu, Beomgyu knew him like they shared the same skin.

“I’ve arranged a three-part strike team, two for initial attack and one on standby,” the Marshal began—and Taehyun knew before he even settled his eyes on them that he would be calling their name. “Valiant Gamma and Alpha Eden, you’ll be meeting Erebus at the Miracle Mile. Excalibur Blue, you’ll be on standby in case anything goes south.” 

He spoke the last sentiment like it didn’t really carry any value, and maybe for most of them in the room it didn’t. To most of them, the prospect of something going south was something they had to let go years ago, lest it fester into an insurmountable anxiety that only got in the way of the Drift. Something going south. Was it even a worry, anymore, with them?

Because Taehyun was no stranger to the unbelievable legacy they held. Rangers going eight years strong, their Jaeger not being destroyed even once. He didn’t want to think they were untouchable—but that’s what it felt like sometimes. Him and Beomgyu, against the world. Even if the nightmares tried to convince him otherwise.

“Stealing the spotlight again, I see,” he heard Soobin whisper from his side, but it was followed by a soft chuckle, Beomgyu elbowing the man in response. Light, casual.

“Alright,” the Marshal clapped his hands together again, turning back to affirm with Seokjin that there wasn’t anything else to discuss, only to be met by the man’s back as his nose was already deep into the computer monitor. Taehyun elected to pretend he didn’t notice the split second of awkwardness, fighting the grin growing on his face as the Marshal faced them again. “You’re all dismissed. Let’s aim to launch in ten minutes.”

A chorus of enthusiastic responses echoed throughout LOCCENT, Taehyun almost not even noticing Beomgyu’s hand leave his as they begin to move along with the crowd out of the massive room. There wasn’t time to spare—a wasted second could mean the difference between the Kaiju striking landfall and stopping it before it touched the shore.

So he bade Soobin and Kai goodbye, hoping he wouldn’t have to meet them on the ocean, and gave a nod in the direction of the pilots of Alpha Eden, Park Chaewon and Son Hyejoo. The two mostly kept to themselves, but Taehyun was no stranger. They had arrived at the academy shortly after Valiant Gamma’s first deployment, a lifetime ago to him. And as they waved back to him and Beomgyu, Taehyun felt himself settling. They were also exceptionally capable in their own right—had quite a high kill count, Alpha Eden only having to be placed in overhaul once after a tricky Category-IV met them off the coast of Kagoshima a few years back. They would be fine.

“Erebus, huh?” he heard Beomgyu utter as they left the control room, his lips pursed as he thought. “Personification of darkness, right? Or was that Thanatos?”

Taehyun scoffed, sparing Beomgyu a glance as they walked side by side.“I think it’d be kind of depressing if they named a Kaiju after the personification of death,” he said, truthfully. Wasn’t that what they were trying to prevent?

“Okay, you’re right,” Beomgyu concurred, nodding his head a bit. “That would be depressing. I mean, darkness is depressing, too, but not as much.”

“You’re thinking about this way too hard,” Taehyun uttered, though he couldn’t hide his grin. Yeah, darkness was depressing—but it’s not like they hadn’t ever faced it before.

And before Beomgyu could say anything back Taehyun caught sight of the elevator a few paces before them beginning to close, knowing the next one will probably take too long for comfort. In one swift movement he found Beomgyu’s hand, rushing forward so that he could catch the doors. They made it, Taehyun giving a slight nod to the people already inside, mostly technicians and other workers also on their way up, but Beomgyu stumbled a bit as Taehyun practically yanked the man inside, his back hitting the wall of the elevator as he steadied him in his hands.

“Drivesuit Rooms, please,” he called, unable to reach for the control panel with Beomgyu right in front of him. But he let out a small breath, smiling back at Beomgyu as they locked eyes.

“Are you sure you’re still not half asleep?” he almost whispered, stifling a laugh as Beomgyu straightened himself up.

“Oh, no, I’m very awake,” Beomgyu told him, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face as he moved his hands to latch onto the rail on either side of him. But Taehyun only raised his brow in reaction, crossing his arms as the elevator lurched into motion. 

“Mhm,” he hummed, not looking away as he spoke. “And are you going to move, at least?”

“No, I like it here,” Beomgyu mused, blinking once as he cocked his head to the side. 

And Taehyun’s gaze briefly shot over to the others they shared the elevator with, all of them seeming not to be phased by how close they were. People also knew that about them, too, for better or worse. The type of lovers who weren’t embarrassed to be—well, like this in public. If he was being honest, he’d never even imagined himself to fall into that category, either. He was always the one scrunching up his nose in disgust, laugh as his friends would shout “get a room!” and the couple would scurry off in embarrassment.

He supposed Beomgyu just had that effect on him.

And he didn’t distract himself with thoughts of what he’d do if there weren’t any others in the elevator, instead just leaned forward and planted a peck on his nose, pulling away and raising his brow almost in a challenge. They had liked to play games like this recently—who would go the furthest?—but it seemed Beomgyu didn’t take the invitation, instead smiled at him for a bit until he moved his head to lean on Taehyun’s shoulder, his nose tucked right underneath his chin as he let out a sigh. And Taehyun had to keep himself from grinning so hard his face hurt, finally unfolding his arms and wrapping them around the man before him.

“We’re going back to sleep after this huh?” he uttered, patting his hand on Beomgyu’s back and giving a knowing glance to the people watching them. “Or at least you are.”

Beomgyu hummed in agreement, not moving where his head rested as he spoke. “Both of us.”

“Okay,” Taehyun laughed, his heart warm. “Both of us, then.”

And he wished he could just— pause.

But the elevator let out a small reminder that their stop is the next, and Taehyun held Beomgyu closer for just a moment. The doors opened.

“Drivesuit Rooms,” the automated voice signalled.

Ah. He supposed it was time to let go.

No matter how much time passed Taehyun always found himself drifting back to the first time the two entered the Drivesuit Room, clutching to each other like first-years entering a high school with not a clue what to expect. They hadn’t been able to sleep the night before their first test run in Valiant Gamma, Beomgyu knocking at his door around midnight and staying with him, wide awake, laughing about how excited and nervous they were. 

And the first time Taehyun had seen their Drivesuits—a deep red to match Valiant Gamma’s exterior—it had finally set in on him that oh, this is really happening. They were really about to pilot a Jaeger, an actual Jaeger, and not just be hooked up to a mock Conn-Pod. It was thrilling, terrifying. And he would laugh when he remembered practically not being able to so much as look in Beomgyu’s direction as they were fitted with the circuitry suits that they’d wear underneath, the fabric basically another layer of skin so it could read the electrical impulses of their muscles and translate it into the movement of the Jaegers.

Because no one had had the grace to tell him that skin-tight meant that they practically looked naked, for lack of a better term, and Taehyun didn’t want those kinds of thoughts following him into their first Drift with their Jaeger.

But it’d been a while since then. Now he couldn’t keep his eyes off Beomgyu, admiring all his lines and edges as he was fitted next to him, the technicians quick with their work. There was yet a few moments in between before the layer of red armor was thrown on them, and then they were ready, helmets in hand as they made their way to their bay opening.

“How long do you think this one will take?” Beomgyu implored as they waited for the doors to open, revealing the brief moment on the bridge between the Drivesuit room and the Conn-Pod that allowed them to see the chaos of the hangar below.

Taehyun clicked his tongue, drawing a breath. “I don’t know, it’s a Category-V, a half hour at most?”

“Hah,” Beomgyu snorted, bumping Taehyun’s shoulder with his own. “Half hour, my ass.”

“Don’t be so cocky,” Taehyun retorted as they crossed the bridge, the technicians following at their heel. “You lost the bet last time, remember?”

“Oh, please, no I didn’t,” Beomgyu whined, jumping in front of Taehyun and walking backwards as they entered the Conn-Pod, the familiar A.I. of Valiant Gamma greeting them in its robotic chirp as the systems booted on. But Taehyun only kept his eye on Beomgyu before him, the two stopping in the middle of the cockpit and almost staring each other down.

“Are you calling me a liar, Choi Beomgyu?” Taehyun challenged him, setting his free hand on his hip.

“Five minutes till launch.”

Beomgyu shook his head, his bangs swaying from side to side. “No, just a sore loser.” He then leaned forward to give Taehyun a quick kiss on the forehead, Taehyun not able to catch him before he drew away and pulled his helmet over his head, throwing him a peace sign as he made his way towards the right side. And Taehyun only rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he put his own helmet on. Ridiculous.

“Good morning, gentlemen,” Yeonjun’s voice ran over the comms as soon as they’d finished coupling with the machinery, the familiar buzz of the rig connecting to the spinal clamp putting Taehyun at ease. He heard the door of the Conn-Pod sealing shut behind him, leaving just the two of them to Yeonjun’s command.

“Good fucking morning,” Beomgyu replied, reaching up to the control panel as he spoke. “What are you, the Marshal or something? Since when do you call us gentlemen?”

“Since we have to deal with a Category-V at one o’clock in the morning,” Yeonjun groaned, and Taehyun couldn’t help but laugh, reaching up to press the button above him so Yeonjun could hear him speak.

“You act as if you’re the one in the Conn-Pod right now,” Taehyun teased, turning to look at Beomgyu as they both giggled at Yeonjun’s sarcastic laugh he got in response. 

“Very funny. Now get ready for the drop, losers,” Yeonjun told them, Taehyun imagining the look on his face. It was certainly comical.

“Yes, sir,” Taehyun sounded, nodding at Beomgyu before he spoke again. “Valiant Gamma ready for the drop.”

That was another thing that Taehyun had been terrified of the first time—the way they practically fell for a few seconds, suspended in air as the head met the body. Valiant Gamma had been one of the few Jaegers built in the Mark-4 line that still sported a detachable Conn-Pod, much to his initial dismay. He’d never really been a fan of heights, let alone falling from them.

But, like everything else, he’d gotten used to it. The lurch as they began their descent downwards was more of a thrill now, Beomgyu letting out an enthusiastic yell as they fell. It only lasted for a brief period, Taehyun’s breath escaping him for a moment as he felt the Conn-Pod rest into the shoulders of the Jaeger, the A.I. repeating the same protocols it always did as everything began to connect.

And that was it—they were ready.

“This is Marshal Kim, how are you boys doing today?” the Marshal now spoke over the comms, greeting them in his usual nonchalant tone. Taehyun supposed that also aided to how he felt less nervous over the years—the Marshal wasn’t one for being overly formal, rather acting as more of a colleague than a superior. Like an older brother, almost, someone they felt comfortable around.

“Ready to kick some ass,” Beomgyu told him, Taehyun heaving a sigh as he reached up to respond.

“Likewise,” Taehyun uttered, grinning at Beomgyu as the last of the docking protocols were finished. It was funny, almost, how the adrenaline of it all made them forget so many things. Made Beomgyu forget how he’d been practically half-awake since he crawled out of bed, made Taehyun forget about the nightmares that followed him, their hands clawing at his ankle, slipping away.

Because Taehyun had come to terms with the fact that safety wasn’t always a guarantee. But with Beomgyu by his side, he felt like he could face anything.

“You ready for the Neural Handshake?” Yeonjun’s voice again, his tone more professional now that the Marshal was probably right over his shoulder. The two offered their approval, and soon the A.I. was counting down, ten, nine…

Taehyun closed his eyes, letting his body relax. This was the part that always brought him the most peace—the Drift.

Like every other aspect of their relationship, the Drift wasn’t the same as it was years ago, when they first felt the brush of each other’s minds in their first Drift Sync test. Then they’d been young, naive, expecting. Everyone talked about it like it was some sort of human superpower, something unfathomable, other-worldly. And maybe to some people, it was.

But to Taehyun, the Drift never felt like a superpower. To him, it was one of the human things anyone could ever experience—freeing, vulnerable, intimate. And the Drift with Beomgyu was something not even words could explain, except that it felt like home.

This time, he sees Beomgyu’s mother, smiling at him as she pinches his cheeks. A rainy school day. Picking sunflowers, hoping to weave a crown. The smell of Soobin’s car after a night out. Oh, shut up, will you? People cheering, seeing his own awed face through Beomgyu’s eyes. Is this okay? Jeju. Beomgyu’s old room, his sheets cool against his skin. The park from his childhood. It’s much prettier from up here.

“Neural Handshake complete, Drift holding steady.”

He opens his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

Taehyun blinked, Yoongi standing in front of him with a grin on his face. The technicians moved quickly, lifting the Pons off his head as the machines powered down. And when he turned his head to see Beomgyu by his side, eyes wide as the Drift left them, Taehyun knew his cheeks were uncontrollably burning. 

He knows.

“That was insane,” Yoongi boasted, leaving Taehyun once he managed to nod and taking a few steps back so he could address the two of them. “You guys are sure you’ve never Drifted before?”

“We haven’t,” Beomgyu told him, rising from his seat in barely restrained excitement. “That was… awesome .”

Yoongi laughed, reaching out to pat Beomgyu on the shoulder. “Alright, take it easy. Even if that was freakishly good, take it a bit slow after your first Drift, okay?” He then turned to Taehyun, who was still sitting in the seat, the dreadful realization still settling in his bones. “What about you, Taehyun? How did it feel?”

And Taehyun only glanced up at first, words unable to form on his tongue. Because if he was being honest, he had been prepared to go to the grave with his secret. He was prepared never to tell a soul, never even to utter it into existence. And he knew, he was told that in the Drift, you couldn’t hide anything. It had been reiterated over and over—to Drift meant to trust, to Drift meant you saw everything. So why had he thought he’d be able to keep it from him? Maybe if he hadn’t thought about it at all, it wouldn’t have been one of the first things he’d shared with him. God, was he stupid—

“Taehyun?”

He’s pulled out of his misery by Yoongi’s waving hand, the man sending him a questioning stare. “You sure you’re good?” he asked, and Taehyun realized then that he hadn’t said anything yet. Stupid.

“I’m okay,” he assured him, standing up slowly. “It was… amazing.”

“I bet,” Yoongi nodded, crossing his arms as he looked at them almost like a proud parent. “You two are the most Drift compatible pair I’ve seen in a long while. Maybe ever.”

Taehyun only laughed nervously, the sentiment coming as even more of an embarrassment than something he was happy about. 

He knows.

Yoongi left the two to power down the main computer, and Taehyun caught Beomgyu’s glance only briefly, a small smile forming on his lips as he awkwardly looked away.

He knows I like him.

But that was the funny thing about the Drift, the way it was a two-way street.

And he likes me back.

It was home.

“Right hemisphere calibrating,” he heard Beomgyu utter, their right hands rising in one cohesive motion, the initial stiffness wearing off quickly as Valiant Gamma followed their command. Maybe that was the superpower of it all—getting to feel so massive, his limbs now extending way beyond himself, no longer a tiny speck on the beach, helpless, hopeless. 

Now, he was a giant, a monster as much as the Kaiju they fought. 

“Left hemisphere calibrating,” Taehyun recited, going through a similar motion with his left hand, Beomgyu’s rasing with his and the Jaeger following suit. And as he glanced over to Beomgyu again after all the standard coupling procedures had finished he found him grinning at him, almost as if he were trying not to laugh.

“What?” Taehyun pressed, narrowing his eyes. “Did you see something funny?”

Beomgyu shook his head. “No. I just think it’s cute that you think about that every time.”

Taehyun let out a huff of air, turning away and focusing on the scenery before them changing as Valiant Gamma was towed towards the bay opening. “You act like you don’t, either. They’re both of our thoughts, remember?”

“Oh, right,” Beomgyu replied sarcastically, tilting his head as he spoke. “It’s not like I’m the one still embarrassed about it after this long.”

“Mhm,” Taehyun hummed, turning his head back to see Beomgyu smiling at him as if he were the stars in the sky. It was true—they had both been embarrassed, for a really, really long time. Taehyun was well aware, and so was Beomgyu. But it was just in moments like this when he’d tease him about it, moments just before the breath of battle would be taken from them. Keep the mood light, keep the Drift aligned. 

Not that they’d ever failed a Drift before, anyways.

“This is Alpha Eden, how are the rest of you?” Chaewon’s light voice rang through the comms, Taehyun breaking his locked eyes and reaching up to answer them.

“Excalibur Blue, ready to go,” Soobin beat him, and through the corner of his eye Taehyun saw the cobalt Jaeger emerging from its bay beside them, the fresh slash across its chest from a Kaiju a week before gleaming in the lights.

“Valiant Gamma’s ready for launch,” he declared, resting back against the rig and taking one last look at Beomgyu, wishing for a moment he could pull his helmet off and give him a kiss back before they left. But time was fleeting, Taehyun knew, and he couldn’t have everything. Before he knew it he heard the long wires being connected to their shoulders, the Jumphawks whirring above them as they prepared to lift the Jaegers into the air. 

It was time, and so much was left unsaid.

It’ll be okay.

The flight there wasn’t long, the lights of Mito soon coming into view as well as the glooming dark entity hiding in the waves, seeming to not be moving as they approached. That certainly was odd, Taehyun thought—usually the Kaiju just made straight for the cities, straight to where they could take the most lives in the least amount of time. Wreck havoc, then be on their way. But as they were dropped into the ocean, their feet meeting the seabed and the dark water coming up to about the Jaeger’s waist, the Kaiju just seemed to— wait . Lurking, almost concealed entirely.

It wasn’t exactly comforting.

And Beomgyu felt his unease, rolling their shoulders as Alpha Eden was dropped right next to them, their backs facing the city as they gazed out at the black ocean.

“Wonder if it’s broken,” Beomgyu jested, managing to break a smile on Taehyun’s face. “Or buffering, or something.”

“I don’t know,” Taehyun admitted, turning on the comms again. “Alpha Eden, do you have eyes?”

“That’s a no,” Hyejoo relayed, sounding as apprehensive as Taehyun felt. “Doesn’t help that there’s clouds over the moon. We’ll have to get closer to get a look at it.”

“Alright, then,” Beomgyu said with ease, stealing a glance at Taehyun. “Let’s go.”

And their feet rose in synchrony, Valiant Gamma fighting against the weight of the waves as it took its first step, Taehyun shoving his unrest to the back of his mind. Once they got a good look at it, he knew he would feel better—a monster with a face was much easier to stomach than just a black mass they couldn’t see. It was one step after the other, further into the waters—

“Stop!”

Taehyun felt the lurch as Seokjin’s voice filled the comms, the giant machine protesting as it foot its heel into the seabed. His eyes flew to Beomgyu, and they didn’t have to speak for Taehyun to know what was running through both of their heads.

What was going on?

“Why are we stopping?” Taehyun inquired, squinting his eyes as he tried to see before him—but they were still too far, just out of reach.

“Just… hold on a minute,” Seokjin told them, a bit of edge on his voice. “Hold your positions.”

Taehyun blinked, the command coming as nothing short of a surprise.

“We can’t just stay here,” Beomgyu uttered into the comms, speaking Taehyun’s thoughts exactly. “There’s an entire city behind us, if we just go a bit further—”

“Erebus isn’t moving.” This time it was the Marshal’s voice, not as casual as he had been before. And Taehyun could only knot his brow, confusion seeping in. It’s not… moving? “If you approach it at its current location the Jaegers’ movement will be limited by the ocean’s depth,” the man continued, the truth of his words striking Taehyun in all the wrong ways. “Try bringing it to you.”

And Taehyun knew by the contour of the Marshal’s words that something was off, that something wasn’t quite right. A massive Category-V, waiting for them, and not making its way towards the city? That was the entire purpose of the Kaiju—to destroy population centers. And yet… 

“On it,” Chaewon declared, and there wasn’t a moment in-between her words and Alpha Eden raising its arm, a blast from its cannon shooting light across the ocean. And Taehyun could only hold his breath as the angered creature finally revealed itself, the hit illuminating its face for a split second before Erebus began to make its way towards them.

The size was expected—Category-V’s were the worst of them all, built like a nuclear warhead meant to end a war. Sickening, terrifyingly massive to a person just standing on the ground. And even to them—only its shoulders and head peeked out of the waves as it dove under to swim towards them, but Taehyun knew from the brief moment of clarity that it was bigger than them, as most Category-V’s were. But its face was what struck him the most—the quickly dissipated light from Alpha Eden’s shot illuminating what must have been dozens of eyes, a pair of gnarly horns twisting from its temples as if they were aflame, and a jaw so brazenly sharp it was as if it were meant to cut through the Jaegers themselves.

“Well shit,” Beomgyu commented as they moved to face their back to Alpha Eden, the other Jaeger doing the same as they braced themselves for the Kaiju’s arrival. “That was not pretty.”

“Not the ugliest I’ve seen,” Taehyun laughed, his eyes scanning the waves, his heart beginning to pound. Where are you?

“It’s right on top of you, stay sharp,” Seokjin told them, and Taehyun wanted to utter something along the lines of no shit, but his mouth only had time to draw a breath before Erebus bound out from the waters, flooding Taehyun’s vision as if it were a typhoon. 

There you are.

It came at them with barely seconds to spare for a reaction, but their hand drew upwards, their fist meeting its jaw and knocking it to the side. The impact ricocheted through the Conn-Pod, Taehyun immediately feeling a soreness brewing in his knuckles. God, it was heavy.

But that didn’t seem to slow Erebus down—the Kaiju dwelled in the waves for a moment before it was turned back to them, its many eyes reflecting their light, battling with the infinite darkness that resided in each of them. Taehyun wanted to laugh—they really weren’t clever with their naming these days.

“Come on!” he shouted, bracing himself as Erebus launched itself at them again.

And it was funny, Taehyun thought, how they were taught to dance in the Kwoon Room, when fighting a Kaiju was anything but a dance. Rather, an improvised shuffle, the way they would have to deduce within minutes what its tendencies were, how it breathed, how it thought. They battered off each other, the Kaiju clawing at them like a rabid animal, unorganized, unmeditated. 

And the Conn-Pod was silent, save for a few grunts of effort and shouts of adrenaline as they would heave the Kaiju around, hoping to get closer to its end. They’d long past the point in which they had to yell out directions to each other—the Drift had become direction enough. Taehyun wasn’t even sure if they even thought anymore—it was more he sensed Beomgyu’s instincts even before the instant they manifested into a movement.. And Beomgyu felt his, their bodies one within the Jaeger. It was silent, all until—

“On your left!” 

Hyejoo’s warning pierced through the quietness as swift as an arrow, Taehyun turning to see an almost tentacle-like limb hurl towards the Conn-Pod. Dread entered his stomach only for a moment, both their hands preoccupied with keeping the creature’s massive jaw at bay, only to be relieved as Alpha Eden caught the thing before it could reach them, its golden fingers squeezing around the dark flesh and forcefully pulling it away.

“Jesus,” Beomgyu hissed, the two sparing a glance at each other. “Where the hell did that come from?”

“Its tail!” Chaewon yelled over the comms, sounding exasperated. “It’s—”

It was then Erebus let out an awful shriek, Taehyun wincing as his ears throbbed. And he didn’t even have a moment to register what was going on as suddenly the tension against his hands was released, the Kaiju ending its affair with them in the blink of an eye. Now, it was dead set on Alpha Eden, even angrier than before.

And he couldn’t do anything as Erebus lifted its tail in one swift movement, taking the entire Jaeger with it, throwing Alpha Eden out deeper into the ocean—past the point of desired mobility.

“Shit,” Taehyun cursed, reaching up to turn on the comms and watching as Erebus disappeared under the waves again. “Alpha Eden, you need to get back towards us!”

“Trying,” Chaewon told them, Alpha Eden finally standing upright after their landing in the sea. And Taehyun could see—the water came up almost to the shoulders, it was too much. They wouldn’t be able to fight properly—

But Erebus emerged again, jumping up behind Alpha Eden and taking it down with it into the water, the two of them disappearing from sight.

If things go south.

“We’re coming!” Beomgyu shouted, the two beginning to lift Valiant Gamma’s feet against the seabed, the worst going through Taehyun’s mind. They had to help, they couldn’t just—

“Stand your ground, Valiant Gamma!” It was the Marshal’s voice, and Taehyun wished for a moment that they hadn’t been so conditioned to follow his command as they stopped. “Stay where you can fight. Alpha Eden, do you hear me?”

He can’t be serious, Taehyun thought, appalled, but as if on cue Alpha Eden emerged from the waves again, wrestling with the Kaiju bitterly against the ocean. “We can hear you,” Hyejoo called, though even Taehyun could sense the panic laced in her words. “We just— Chaewon!”

“Oh my god,” Beomgyu uttered aloud, and Taehyun couldn’t say anything. All he could do was watch from their hopeless distance as Alpha Eden’s left arm was ripped clean off, flying through the air before it disappeared into the ocean. And Taehyun knew Chaewon piloted the left side—she was feeling every bit of it, as if it had been her own arm that was lost to Erebus. 

That was when it first crossed his mind—or maybe Beomgyu had thought it first.

They’re going to die.

“Enough of this bullshit,” Taehyun spoke urgently, looking to his side at his partner. “We have to help them.”

“You read my thoughts exactly,” Beomgyu said, and maybe in any other instance Taehyun would have made fun of him for making such a terrible joke, but he couldn’t even bring himself to smile. They just took a step, and then another.

“Valiant Gamma, hold your position!” Seokjin yelled at them, but neither Taehyun nor Beomgyu elected to answer him. They just waded deeper, the fight getting closer, though still out of reach. If only—

“We’re using the escape pods,” Hyejoo suddenly declared, her voice choked and dire. The noise from her end almost sounded like the Conn-Pod was compromised, static and sudden outbursts filling in between her words. “I repeat, we’re using escape pods.”

That halted them, the water just grazing where the beginning of their ribcage would be if Valiant Gamma were human. It was desolate news—they’d been forced to abandon ship, they had to make that call. And Taehyun knew they were experienced enough to know when the time was right, that they weren’t just fleeing because of fear. They were fleeing because they would die otherwise.

But they’d live to see another day, at least, even if Alpha Eden wasn’t saveable.

“Okay,” Seokjin’s voice again, calmer. “Excalibur Blue, prepare for launch, then.”

“Yes, sir,” Soobin answered him, the familiar voice laying Taehyun’s nerves to rest for a moment.

He let out a breath. Okay. They’d be okay—

“Taehyun,” Beomgyu almost whispered, not sounding as relieved as he should be. Taehyun knotted his brow, turning to look at him, but he was only pointing in the direction of Alpha Eden, the escape pods mere specks in their vision as they shot from Alpha Eden’s Conn-Pod, meeting the waves, and then—

Oh.

“Wait,” Taehyun uttered, watching in horror as Erebus didn’t turn to come back to them, but rather began to chase after the escape pods. Usually the Kaiju would just destroy the Jaeger and then leave, it had no business with the escape pods, oh God, they weren’t close enough—

And neither of them could speak as Erebus caught the both of them in its hands, their imagination not having to work hard to know what happened next. The Kaiju let out another horrendous shriek as it closed its fists, throwing away the discards as if they were nothing but scraps.

Oh God.

“No,” Beomgyu breathed, his voice almost infected with a bit of a waver. “No, how did it—”

“It’s coming,” Taehyun interrupted him, his heart pounding against his ribcage as the Kaiju disappeared into the water again after it had done its job. And for the first time in years, Taehyun could identify that he actually felt afraid . They’d fought Category-V’s before, of course they had, but this one—it knew too much, it knew too much.

And it was coming straight towards them.

“We’ll be okay,” he heard Beomgyu call aloud as they braced themselves, embarrassed for a moment that Beomgyu was feeling his fear, too. He quickly glanced to the man beside him, the doubt creeping in, its hands twisting around his throat. Erebus had taken down Alpha Eden, a season Jaeger, just like that, and Hyejoo and Chaewon—

He didn’t even have time to fully process the loss as Erebus jumped out of the waves, the contact hard and heavy. They dug their heel into the seabed, throwing Erebus to the side with all the might they could—but it wasn’t enough. The creature got back up in an instant, its weight suddenly seeming double, triple what it had been before. But Taehyun let out a yell, the impact of their fist on it’s jaw again numb to him. He would be damned if he let Erebus beat them now, not after what they did to Alpha Eden.

And he would be damned if he let their deaths be in vain.

“Excalibur Blue on the way. Valiant Gamma, hold out right where you are, do not let it drag you past the Miracle Mile,” Seokjin ordered, as if it weren’t obvious. They would be okay, they could keep it occupied until Excalibur Blue arrived. Even if everything hurt already, the Kaiju’s roars deafening in his ears, even if he could feel himself getting tired. Just keep going, keep going—

Until it all went wrong.

Taehyun saw the creature’s tail whip out from the water a second too late, his instincts only able to move the Jaeger slightly before it hit them on the right side, just below Valiant Gamma’s Conn-Pod, almost latching itself onto the exterior of the Jaeger. And it happened so quickly—the way the computers flickered for a moment within the Conn-Pod, Taehyun blinking in confusion.

And then Beomgyu was screaming.

Taehyun whipped his head to the side, Beomgyu looking like he was almost writhing, his eyes squeezed shut and his face contorted in pain. No, no, no.

“Beomgyu!” Taehyun yelled, trying to focus on keeping Erebus from snapping the Conn-Pod clean off Valiant Gamma’s shoulders while he tried to withstand the urge to detach from the rig all together and rush towards Beomgyu, help him even though he had no a clue what was happening. He’s hurting, oh God. “Hey, what’s wrong? What’s happening?”

“Fuck!” Beomgyu screamed, and suddenly they weren’t in sync anymore, Beomgyu raising one of his hands to hold his head. So much was happening, Taehyun couldn’t comprehend any of it, all he knew was that the love of his life was fighting something while Erebus was still trying to kill them from the outside, and Taehyun had never felt so panicked before.

And LOCCENT’s call didn’t help at all.

“Valiant Gamma, what’s happening? Beomgyu’s out of alignment.” It was Yeonjun’s voice this time, maybe if it had been any other circumstance it would have calmed him to hear someone he knew. But it wasn’t nearly enough to stop the building pressure in his chest, the building sting in his eyes as Beomgyu’s wails continued to fill the Conn-Pod.

“I don’t know!” Taehyun screamed, blinking a tear out of his eye as he continued to struggle against Erebus’s weight. He turned his attention back on Beomgyu for a moment, who didn’t appear any better. And it was ripping Taehyun apart from the inside—why couldn’t he feel anything? Why was only Beomgyu suffering? “Beomgyu, look at me, what’s—”

“No!” Beomgyu shrieked, and Taehyun held his breath, taken aback by the response, but it only took a moment to realize that it hadn’t been directed at him. Beomgyu’s eyes were wide open now, and staring directly out at Erebus, an almost pleading look in his eye. “Don’t you fucking dare!”

“What—” Taehyun began, trying to piece it all together, but his words were cut short as Erebus was practically ripped off of them, its tail detaching from where it had embedded itself, the computers flickering again. And the sight of the familiar blue Jaeger before them brought some relief in Taehyun’s heart. Excalibur Blue was swift in its movement, landing several hits on the briefly disoriented Kaiju before it could regain its footing, pummeling it into the waves.

It’s gone. We’re okay.

But it had suddenly grown silent.

“Taehyun, where’s Beomgyu?”

He’s right here, Taehyun immediately thought, Yeonjun’s words sounding almost sarcastic in his head. Where else would he be?

But then he turned to look at him again, and Beomgyu was slumped against the rig, his eyes fallen shut.

Gone.

“No—” Taehyun began, the dread that came with the sight beyond insurmountable, but everything stopped then, because suddenly he was alone. The Drift broke.

And the entire weight of Valiant Gamma fell on him all at once.

“And why can’t we solo pilot?”

The classroom was quiet, everyone still half asleep from having to be up at five in the morning for their mandatory drills. Taehyun yawned, slumped against the desk, his chin propped up on his arm as he struggled to stay awake.

Only Beomgyu raised his hand, despite definitely having not gone out the night before with Yeonjun into Tokyo to be the “tourists we were always meant to be,” as Yeonjun had put it, instead of studying for this quiz their teacher had even been kind enough to tell them about.

“Because the neural load is too much for one person,” he answered, surprising Taehyun. He moved his chin a bit to focus on him several desks down, looking ever so studious even though Taehyun knew he was hungover. “That’s why a two-pilot system was implemented. It can kill you otherwise.”

“Right,” their teacher said, nodding her head. “Did everyone hear that?”

Taehyun chuckled, hiding his smile behind his arms. Of course he’d know that, out of anything. Not that it would matter, anyways. It’s not like he’d ever have to solo pilot in his life.

Right?

Taehyun let out a scream, his senses becoming overwhelmed in an instant, everything feeling so enormous, too much. He swore his head was being split open, his fingers tingling uncontrollably, his toes curling inwards as everything became magnified beyond his capability. And he was staggering, barely able to keep the Jaeger in control.

“Taehyun, get out of there!” 

Taehyun blinked, his mouth hanging open as he stared forwards, already feeling the dizziness start to creep in. He wasn’t sure who had yelled at him through the comms, but if he could form any coherent thought, even in the midst of it all, it was that he couldn’t leave. He couldn’t put them in the escape pods, couldn’t subject himself and Beomgyu to Alpha Eden’s end. He simply couldn’t. 

Beomgyu.

Everything protested as he craned his head to the side, Beomgyu’s limp body sending chills down his spine all over again. And maybe he was insane, but Taehyun wouldn’t allow it to be the last image of Beomgyu he saw, and he had to make a decision now.

So he took a step.

And he knew the strain it was putting on him, the way his head was screaming at him almost pulling him into the unwanted darkness, but it wasn’t like he had many other options.

“Taehyun, what are you doing?!” Yeonjun was yelling at him, Taehyun was sure of that now, but it didn’t matter. He took another step, letting out a cry of pain as his nerves protested, as the pounding in his head became closer and closer to the point of no return.

I’m not dying here.

He glanced at Beomgyu again, still unresponsive.

And neither are you.

He definitely heard multiple people screaming at him through the comms, Yeonjun, Soobin, Kai, Seokjin, the Marshal. But the journey was surprisingly quiet, everything becoming muffled to a soft ringing in his ears as every step became more unbearable, eyes set on the dark shore. And he didn’t really remember much of anything else—just the silence, the eeriness of being alone.

It can kill you otherwise.

Taehyun let out one last anguished breath as he trudged Valiant Gamma onto the beach, his knees digging into the sand as the Jaeger found itself in a kneeling position, the waves still lapping at its feet. And he heard the distant shriek of Erebus, the thought of Soobin and Kai out there alone not even registering in his mind as he hurriedly disconnected himself from the rig, collapsing onto the floor of the Conn-Pod once he was finally released from the Jaeger’s systems. Because there was only one thing on his mind, only one person he could think of.

“Beomgyu?” Taehyun practically whimpered, picking his head up off the floor and ripping his helmet off, taking in a breath of fresh air as the alarms from the Conn-Pod began to fill his ears. He took a few clipped gasps, trying to calm down, trying to stay awake.

Please.

“Beomgyu, please answer me! Beomgyu!” Taehyun shouted, pleaded, even though he knew he wouldn’t hear him. He let out a huff of air, clamouring up onto his knees, grabbing the nearest support so he could haul himself onto his feet again. It took everything in him not to pass out as he eventually stood upright, the Conn-Pod shaking as the ground vibrated from Erebus and Excalibur Blue’s ongoing fight, took everything in him as he stumbled towards Beomgyu, catching himself as he grabbed Beomgyu’s arms.

And he disconnected Beomgyu from his rig with fumbling hands, the man collapsing into his arms and promptly sending them both to the floor, Taehyun doing his best to soften the fall. But it wasn’t graceful—he was barely conscious himself, the headache only increasing exponentially with every passing second, so he couldn’t stop the small cry that left his lips as his hip met the floor first, holding Beomgyu as tight as he could.

Wake up.

When Taehyun finally situated himself his hands were clawing at Beomgyu’s helmet, throwing it to the side once it was free and holding the man’s face in his hands, for the first time noticing the small trail of the blood that had trickled down from Beomgyu’s nose.

“No, no, no,” Taehyun uttered, shaking Beomgyu’s face, desperate, falling. “Choi Beomgyu, please, you can’t leave me like this.” No answer. “Please, wake up, I’m begging you.”

The Conn-Pod rattled violently this time, and Taehyun could feel the tears on his cheek, wrapping his arms under Beomgyu’s arms and pulling him up so he could push their faces together. The stupid Drivesuit was too thick for him to feel for a pulse, and he couldn’t feel his skin through the gloves he wore. But as he pulled their faces apart, his heart began to hurt even more than his head being split in two.

He’s so cold.

“Hey,” Taehyun whispered, dark spots beginning to swim in his vision as his eyes fell upon Beomgyu’s face again, holding him as delicately as he could. “Don’t do this to me.” His voice was wavering, unsteady.

And then a dark drop fell on Beomgyu’s cheek— oh. There was a warm wetness under Taehyun’s nose. He was falling apart, too.

“Get them out of there!” Kai’s sharp voice cut through the ringing in Taehyun’s ears, sounding desperate. “We can’t hold it forever!”

Valiant Gamma lurched again, and Taehyun could only deduce from Kai’s words that Erebus was trying to reach them again. But he couldn’t do anything—not as he felt himself slipping, not as he became too weak to even hold Beomgyu close to him, slowly collapsing onto the floor beside him. All he could do was wonder what had happened, why he hadn’t felt anything in the Drift, why it had all happened so fast—and keep his eyes trained on Beomgyu, even as his eyelids became heavy.

I didn’t say it to him.

“Come back to me,” Taehyun pleaded, putting the last of his energy to reach his hand out, brushing on Beomgyu’s shoulder. “Please, come back to me.”

We’ll be okay.

“And what would I do without you?”

It was funny, the way they even panted in sync, their sweaty backs against the floor of the Kwoon Room as they collapsed next to each other, their staves thrown to the side, hands finding each other instinctively. Taehyun didn’t look to him as he spoke, instead stared at the ugly concrete ceiling, the adrenaline slowly leaving him.

“You’d be fine,” he said, letting out a small laugh. “You didn’t know me for most of your life, anyways. You were fine then.”

“No I wasn’t,” Beomgyu breathed, and Taehyun held his tongue. Right. “Not before I met you.”

Taehyun thought for a moment. “Well, you’d do better than me,” he admitted, not knowing why he started to feel a distant pull in his chest. “I genuinely, genuinely don’t think I could do this alone.”

“Oh, why are we talking about this?” Beomgyu suddenly implored, shooting up into a sitting position and turning to look down at Taehyun. “I’m not going anywhere, you’re not going anywhere. Right?”

“Of course not,” Taehyun told him, a smile finding his lips. “I could never leave you.”

But I failed.

The Conn-Pod shuttered again, Erebus’s roar even closer, the distant calls of people over the comms following a decrescendo into static. He was leaving, just like he promised not to.

I’m sorry.

And so Taehyun closed his eyes.