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I hate storms. They scare me. Terrify me.
From the flashes of lightning, to the rolls of thunder. Even the sound of rain hitting the outside of my house scares me. It scares me even more if I can't get away. If I can't find somewhere to hide. If I'm out in public, and everyone around me is acting like everything is fine, when it's not. It scares me even more when I'm in a large store, and the sounds have room to echo off the roof, and grow larger, become more terrifying. When the sounds start to have a life of their own, and start coming after me, about to drag me away, into their depths, inescapable.
I stand, frozen in fear. I can't move, can hardly even breathe. My eyes start to go unfocused, my breathe gets shallower. My hands clench and unclench in a rhythm even I don't know. My knees feel weak, like they're about to collapse underneath me. The only sound I can understand is that of the rain hitting the roof above me, the occasional rumble of thunder, and the fast pace of each breathe I take.
All of a sudden, I feel two paws on my chest, and a large, wet tongue on my throat. My mind snaps back into the present, and I immediately curl my arms around the animal in front of me. I start crying. Tears run down my cheeks, and soak into the thick, fluffy coat of my service dog. I calm down enough to let go of him. Just enough that I can grab the pull strap attached to his harness. Monsoon slowly guides me to an empty, quiet corner of the store. As soon as he stops, I collapse onto the ground. He gently noses me into a more comfortable position, laying on my side, with my back pressed as closely to the wall as possible. He lays down in front of me, with his neck less than an inch away from my face. I curl my arms around him as best I can, and bury my face into his neck. I slowly calm down from my anxiety attack.
My mind eventually starts working enough to think through the last few minutes. I know for a fact that Monsoon jumping on me is a last resort. His first response is a nudge with his nose. Then a paw to my leg. And if that doesn't work, then he jumps on me, and licks me until I do respond. If he got all the way to the last step, then I was really out of it. I haven't had an attack that bad in a while.
I gently turn over onto my back, and pat my chest. Monsoon gently shifts his head and upper body onto my abdomen, so only his butt and back legs are beside me still. I slowly scratch his head, and I can hear the slide of his tail on the ground.
After a few more minutes, I'm finally calm enough to stand up, and go on with my day. I remember the hand basket that I had when the attack first started, and go look for it. Monsoon heels next to me as I back-track through the store. I eventually find the basket on the floor, with a worker kneeling next to it.
"Hey, I'm so sorry about this! I really didn't mean to drop all this stuff!" I tell her, sheepishly as I kneel next to her. I grab the last item off the floor, and we both stand up together.
"Oh, I didn't realize this was yours! I just figured someone didn't want it, and left it here." She hands the basket back over to me, and I rub a hand on my back of my neck.
"Yeah, I kinda dropped it when I had an anxiety attack, and I just remembered I had it a few minutes ago."
"Oh, I'm sorry, thanks for coming back for it though! By the way, your dog is beautiful." She says quietly while looking down at Monsoon by my side.
"Thank you!"
"Of course! Well, have an amazing day, and I hope you feel better."
"Thanks, have a good day as well!" I respond, as she turns, and waves as she walks away.
I look down at Monsoon, and he looks up at me. "Always the ladies man, aren't you, boy?"
He wags his tail, and I scratch behind his ears for a minute. I collect myself, and grab onto the traffic lead he has on, taking a step towards the checkout. Monsoon doesn't walk with me, so I quickly stop, and look back at him. He's already looking at me, checking in on me. He quickly nudges me with his nose, and I stare at his face. I try to figure out why he has alerted to me again as a wave of dizziness crashes over me. I quickly look around to make sure I'm not in the way, and sit down criss-cross. I usually don't get dizzy after an anxiety attack, so this is a bit abnormal. Monsoon quickly lays down with his head and shoulders in the dip of my lap. I set my basket down next to me, and wait a few minutes for the dizziness to pass. It slowly does, but I still wait a good 10 minutes after it passes to even attempt getting up.
I stand up, grab my basket, and Monsoon's pull strap. I give him the "forward" command, and we start walking toward the checkout again. We quickly check out, and start heading toward the doors. As we get closer, I start to get a bit anxious again. I hope it's not still raining, and Monsoon looks up at me again, making sure I'm not about to have another anxiety attack. I feel okay, so I ignore it, and tell him "forward" again.
When we make it out the doors, I look up at the sky. And stop.
It's not raining anymore, at least not where we are, and the sky is absolutely, amazingly, beautiful. The sun is close to the horizon, just above what could be considered a sunset. There's so many different layers of clouds, and the sun is hitting each one differently. Each layer is a slightly different shade of gold. Some brilliantly bright, others not so much. Some layers don't get any sun, and are a beautiful gray or white.
It has to be one of the most gorgeous sights I have ever seen. It's my favorite part of thunderstorms. The only good part about thunderstorms, really. I take another minute to take it all in, and enjoy the aftermath of one of the worst moments in my life. Then I tell Monsoon "car" and follow behind him as he guides me right to it.