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The whole group had been practicing inside their room, sweat lining up their foreheads and the condense from their intense practice fogging up the wall mirrors. As the song hit its last note, they all stopped, breathing heavily and keeping their final pose long enough for the leader to call the end. They had already been all together for almost 4 years and the practicing came natural to their bodies, swiftly avoiding colliding with each other in the well polished choreographies they had spent so much time in making and perfectioning, to the point of being able to dance them all with a blindfold on and without music, as some of the members used to joke. Oikawa knew deep down that maybe only Suga and another member could go that far, but he wanted to believe that he could also be part of that incredible feat someday.
Suga flopped on the ground on top of Oikawa, as their vicinity in the ending pose made them lean on each other for support. It had been an extremely intense practice and they were still catching their breath when the director walked in with their manager. At first Oikawa didn’t notice him, but as Suga suddenly lifted himself up to stand up straight, the brunette opened his eyes and looked up, just to see the gentle face of their manager together with the solemn and stern expression from their director. It hadn’t been long since he had been appointed in the company as the new responsible for the music department, but he was known to be a strict but overall understanding man, accepting the members’ suggestions and pitches on the album productions and the performances with a good heart.
“Boys, please welcome our general director as he has news for all of you.”
The little group started to get secretly excited, as this kind of announcement typically came right before the news of a comeback being in the works. The gaze of the director landed on Oikawa, before quickly smiling and directing the same meaningful stare to Suga, who was a little startled and stood up straighter for the pressure he felt. He looked at the whole group before he actually spoke.
‘I don’t think he has ever spoken to all of us before, what’s going on?’ Oikawa quickly thought, as a chill ran down his spine and made him hold his breath in anticipation.
“Hello boys. I’m here because we want to propose a project to you, for those that feel like they could do their best on it. Now please, Manager, explain to them.”
“Yes, Director. There are talks going on about a subunit made from your group. It would be a duo and it would be set to debut in around a couple of months. We are now gonna announce the pairing we thought would fit this unit best and you will be able to voice out your opinions then. Alright?”
“Yes sir!”
~~~
“‘Kawa?”
Oikawa was in the practice room, once again sweating like crazy, tirelessly practicing until deep into the night. It had been a month since the first announcement of the unit and despite the day of the MV shooting was creeping closer and closer, he still couldn’t wrap his head around it all. The shock had still not worn off, the news of him being chosen as one of the members of the duo had been already way over all his expectations, especially when Suga had gotten chosen as the other member.
He could still remember clearly the look he wore on his face, clearly seen in the mirrors of the large practice room, unable to conceive to have been the one chosen. His mind had immediately gone to thinking that his election had been because of his looks, but he had been quickly dismissed by the leader of the group, telling him that he had personally recommended the two of them to take part in this project. The leader himself had no interest in the duo, as he was aiming to later on debut as a solo rapper, and thought that no one could match the concept the company had set for the unit’s debut better than Oikawa and Suga themselves.
“What are you talking about?” Tooru had asked in shock as Suga skipped happily to their manager to ask for more details. The leader of their group had started laughing, mirth in his eyes as he looked over at Oikawa’s unbelieving face.
“Exactly what they just said, Tooru. The concept is gonna be ‘Healing and Moving Forward’ and who can execute this kind of concept better than the two of you?”
“I still don’t understand!”
“I mean, Tooru, you really think that no one noticed you two comforting each other every time something happens? We all know that you two have a special bond and you can make this unit work. I don’t think there could have been a better concept for you and I insisted with the manager for this.”
He had then turned around, picked up his water bottle from the ground and took a sip, before speaking up again. He had thrown an arm over his shoulder, making him hunch over the full weight of his definitely shorter leader.
“Tooru, I think that it’s the time for your talents to shine through and go beyond the general opinion that all you have is your face. Show them what you can do!”
Oikawa buried his head between his legs, the stance making him look much smaller than he actually was. He was sitting on the floor, his legs already unable to hold him up straight. He hadn’t been able to tear away his eyes from the mirror in the practice room for the whole day, trying desperately to reach some sort of perfection in his movements. His dancing felt so rigid for his body and what he saw in the mirror looked at most as an extremely sloppy version of the graceful and powerful movements that Suga was making just near him.
His head was hurting, the infinite doubts circling in his mind clouding it and making him drown in his own thoughts. He could only hear his own uncertainties, the room sounding way too quiet compared to usual. He wasn’t used to being alone in the practice room, being eaten away by his thoughts just like when he was a teen and struggling to keep up with the other trainees. He was used to the chaos, to the laughter of everyone being together and running in the night to their shared dorm where they fought over who could wash up first. The training camp he was in together with only Suga and the manager to prepare for the MV shooting was making him come face to face with what he lacked and he hated it.
‘Why can’t I do this?’
“Tooru?”
‘I can’t even compare to Koushi… No, to everyone else in the group.’
“Tooru!”
‘I’m sorry I’m letting everyone down.’
“Oh come on, ‘Kawa, I know you aren’t sleeping, look at me!”
He suddenly felt a harsh tug on his arm, the sleeve of his training shirt being pinched and his arm forcefully removed from his face. He squinted in the light, not anymore sure of how long he had been sitting there still. He looked at Suga’s face, the worry clear in his face as he tried to fold his mouth in a smile in front of the silver haired man. He was tired and wanted to hide his difficulties in front of the person he most admired but he couldn’t escape anymore.
He braced himself, waiting for a punch on the arm from Suga, as he used to do whenever someone in the group would get overly negative. However, he didn’t expect the silver haired man to just lower himself to meet him eye to eye, looking at him directly with his big gray eyes.
“What’s wrong, Tooru?”
He didn’t know how to reply, not expecting someone directly asking him that. He was used to hiding his own feelings most of the time, preferring to show his strong and confident side rather than his vulnerable one. He remained quiet, hoping that Suga would understand his mind even without him speaking out loud. Oikawa knew already that Suga was a rather observing person and that he could often look past any kind of pretense he could put on.
Suddenly Suga stood up, wordlessly and dragged Oikawa out of the practice room together with him. They ran out of the building, the little town in which they had gone to do the training camp being mostly deserted. Suga took him to the nearest convenience store and bought ice cream for the both of them. The brunette was confused and part of him was screaming to go back before the manager realized they had run out without a word in the middle of the night. He looked back at Suga as he paid for the both of them and once again grabbed him to take him to whoever knows where, while Oikawa struggled behind.
“Suga-chan! Where are we going?”
“Somewhere where thoughts aren’t that loud.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
Suga stopped dead in his tracks. He had been dragging Oikawa up the hill that stood behind their place, making them remember so badly their hometown in Miyagi. The silver haired man gripped Oikawa’s hand even tighter, not letting him go not even for a second while he turned around to look him in the eyes for the second time that night. Oikawa once again felt like the other was reading deep into his mind and jerked back.
“Don’t worry, it will make sense in a second.”
Oikawa followed Suga back on their journey to the top of the hill, doubts in his mind now gone after being reassured by the silver haired man.
~~~
“We are here!”
Oikawa looked over when Suga finally exclaimed loudly they had arrived. There was nothing noticeable, except for a little stargazing place that overlooked the little town. Suga must have been used to climbing hills, to be able to get that far especially at night, but Oikawa didn’t give it a second thought. He was gaping at the amount of stars that he could see from there and didn’t even notice when Suga gently took his hand and made him sit down on a bench.
“Tooru? You sure are spacing out a lot today. Mind sharing what’s on your mind with me?”
Oikawa looked over to Suga, suddenly remembering what had been weighing on his mind since earlier in the night. He looked down, surprised to see his ice cream already in his hands. He turned around and found Suga happily licking his own and quietly waiting for the brunette to speak up.
“I- I don’t know exactly what came over me but…”
“But?”
“Remember when we were trainees?”
Suga quietly nodded. As an older trainee he had seen Oikawa from the very first moment he had gotten into the company. At first he was convinced that Oikawa would be training in acting only, and for that he had been left alone by the other idol trainees. That had hurt Oikawa deeply, who already thought of himself as inferior to the others in his same position and struggled to keep up with all the classes. It had been once again Suga and the other members to make him come out of that situation, giving him the courage and drive to keep moving forward.
“What about that time?”
“I felt… Left behind. I’m aware that I’m not the best dancer or singer, but the leader told me he thought there was no one that could do this better than me and that I should show everyone that I’m way more than just a pretty face.”
“Uhm. He definitely said it well.”
“I just… What if the leader was wrong? What if I can’t do it? My dancing is nowhere as good as yours and you also had to shoulder most of the high notes of our title song, while also dancing that well.”
Suga stopped eating his ice cream for a second and put a hand over Oikawa’s shoulder. The brunette didn’t have the courage to look Suga in the eyes, and kept looking at the stars shining above them.
“Tooru. Look at me for a second.”
Suga was wearing the singular most serious expression Oikawa had ever seen on his face, one that had nothing with the face he had put on the day they had started seriously preparing for their debut as a group.
“Do you really think any of us would lie to you? Do you think we wouldn’t really mean it when we say you can do it?”
Oikawa’s eyes were getting watery from the direction their discussion was taking. He knew that his members - those that were his friends and his second family - would have never lied to him about that, knowing well how much effort he put daily in his training and in everything he did.
“Tooru, you might have had the spotlight on you until now, but did you really shine? Did you show the world all you have to offer? Because when I see you practicing, I can see all the determination and the talent you have. It’s crystal clear to everyone how much you have improved since the day we met you, since I’ve first seen you. You’ve grown and you’re able to do much more than what you give yourself credit for.”
“Koushi… However, without me in this unit you could have done much more! I’m definitely dragging you down in this. You could spread your wings and fly as you should if I wasn’t here.”
Suga let out an unamused scoff. The quickly finished his own ice cream, wiping his hands before standing up and going in front of the brunette. Oikawa’s half eaten ice cream was melting, the stickiness in his hands making him uncomfortably aware of how surreal all that moment was.
“Don’t you ever say again that you ‘drag me down’. I dare you, say that again and you will wish to have auditioned for another company. You hear me?”
Oikawa quickly nodded, scared from the outburst from Suga. He knew that the silver haired man felt deeply about their group and all the members, but he didn’t know how deep that love ran inside of Suga’s heart.
“Good. Now, you think you’re not good enough? Tooru, you are wrong, so wrong. I would never be able to spread my wings and fly all by myself and you know why? Because alone I’m not strong. We are strong when we are all together, we are strong when we have the support of who we love.”
He then reached out a hand in front of Oikawa, making him look up at him. Suga looked extremely beautiful, the background of the starry sky making him look like an angel from heaven, sent to show Oikawa the path to take. The brunette watched Suga take a deep breath, before continuing, his eyes shining and his face showing the most tender expression he had only seen Suga make on very special occasions.
“And most of all, I love you. Your support is incredibly important to me and if you think I can fly by myself, then together we can fly even higher!”
Oikawa felt quiet tears roll down his cheeks as he heard Suga finish his phrase. He felt an enormous amount of love towards the silver haired man and while he wasn’t sure if he meant to confess romantic love to him, Oikawa felt compelled to reply between his tears.
“I love you too Koushi, I really do.”
“Good, Tooru. Now, why don’t we scream to the void that we can do it? I used to do it as a child before auditioning as a little charm. Shall we?”
Oikawa nodded before standing up himself and running to the edge of the stargazing platform.
“On the count of three.”
“One.”
“Two.”
“We can do it!”
~~~
As they finally got back to their hotel, they froze in their tracks as they saw their manager waiting for them in front of the building. He chewed them both out for being out so late at night without telling anyone and the nagging only increased when he heard the scratchiness of their voices for the yelling they did.
Suga took the blame for them, saying that he really wanted to go and look at the stars, since it reminded him so much of his childhood’s hometown, and that he had dragged Oikawa with him in order to feel less lonely. They both got off the hook after a lengthy moment of silence in which their manager tried to gauge if they had been lying or not and instead deciding on giving the two of them a punishment of additional training and a good scolding from their leader in the morning, but Oikawa couldn’t feel happier and more relieved at that moment.
He knew that he could do anything, because Suga was with him and together, they would be able to reach everything they wished for.
‘As long as we are together, nothing can stop us.’ Oikawa thought as he fell asleep, Suga sleeping near him and holding his hand tightly.