Work Text:
The door clicked shut softly as Karen slowly closed it behind her, entering the shadowy room as delicately as she could as to not frighten the person inside.
The usually hyperactive girl stood in the doorway and gazed out into the expanse of her shared room. It was dark; the once bright colours of the bedspreads were now subdued by the shadowy nature of the night, and the only light making it way into the room was the muted moonlight shining through the tulle curtains. It’d probably be a rather tranquil scene had it not been for the mess.
The closet doors had been swung open, and several drawers were pulled out with clothes hanging off the sides or laying discarded on the ground around them. A blue suitcase that was normally packed away sat on top of the table, the contents scattered throughout the room in a similar manner to that of the drawers, as if someone had been rummaging through it in search of something.
And in the middle of it all, was Kagura Hikari.
Karen’s heart ached at the sight. Her eyes fell upon the figure of her girlfriend sat miserably on top of an unmade futon, her legs awkwardly positioned beneath her. She was facing away from Karen, and her face was buried deeply into her favourite Mister White plushy in order to muffle the sobs escaping her chest. The stoic girls usually silky hair was knotted into a birds-nest and she hadn’t even bothered to change out of her uniform yet. Perched besides the disheveled girl were several pieces of paper, which had clearly been treated with much more tenderness than anything else had during the ransacking of their room.
It was a truly dismal sight.
The brunette stepped forward slightly as she made an attempt to get the other girl’s attention.
“Hikari-Chan?”
If Hikari had noticed Karen’s entrance, she did little to acknowledge it except tense up slightly and bury herself deeper into her teddy, as if to say “maybe if I ignore you, you’ll go away”.
But Karen is nothing if not resilient, so she tried again. The smaller girl took another step, and then another, stepping over all the bits and pieces scattered on the floor before she eventually stood at the edge of Hikari’s futon, and sunk down to kneel just adjacent of the crying girl.
“Hey... I know you’re hurting... but... you’re not alone, okay? Not anymore. I’m right here.” The words left Karen’s mouth in an uncharacteristically quiet manner, and they hung in the air as she awaited the response of the girl in front of her.
Silence.
She sighed, letting her shoulders and head drop in time with her exhale. This was getting her nowhere.
Hikari was... reserved now. More reserved than when she’d left. Karen didn’t mind, really. It was just part of who Hikari was now, and she was honestly just thrilled to have her back. Besides, when the two of them were together, it was almost like nothing had changed. Like Hikari was the same girl she’d waved off at Haneda Airport twelve years prior. But just because Karen accepted it, does not mean she always knew how to handle the challenges that came with it.
What did she want to hear? Anything Karen said to comfort her garnered little to no response, and she was beginning to run out of ideas. What could she do to make Hikari feel better? She lifted her head to look up at the girl in front of her, and her attention was drawn to the deathlike grasp Hikari currently had on Mister White.
That was it.
Cautiously, Karen started to approach Hikari, crawling slowly towards her as if she was trying to get closer to a spooked animal. Once she arrived at her destination, the brunette paused, giving Hikari the option to put distance between them if she wanted to, before she draped her arms tenderly around Hikari’s waist and rested her chin on the younger girl’s shoulder. Karen could feel the sharp rise and fall of her chest as she desperately tried to stop the tears streaming down her cheeks. It was a poor attempt to save face, really. As if Karen hadn’t always been able to see right through her and that habitual stoicism of hers.
As Hikari silently cried, Karen let her eyes slip shut and sighed softly, tightening her grip on her girlfriend. She took in the feeling of Hikari’s back pressing up against her chest as the more reserved of the two begun to slowly lean into the touch. They stayed there for a while, with nothing but muffled cries and sniffles to fill the silence.
When she spoke next, Karen’s voice was gentle, and she couldn’t stop the warm tones slipping in as she whispered into the other girls ear.
“You can’t keep it all inside, you know? Bottling it up won’t do any good, Hikari-Chan. Let me help you.”
Karen opened her eyes as she felt Hikari take a shaky breath in and shuffle about in her arms. She loosened her grasp on the black haired girl, allowing her the ability leave if she wanted to, but Hikari didn’t leave. The girl in her arms lifted her head and turned so that she was now facing Karen and looking her straight in the eyes. They were bloodshot, and her cheeks and nose were pink from the amount of tears she’d tried to wipe away. After a moment of staring deeply into the eyes of her lover, Hikari wrapped her arms around Karen’s neck and buried her face in her neck, muttering a quiet “You already help” before going silent again. Karen’s eyes widened in surprise at Hikari’s sudden decision to return the hug, so shocked by the action that she’d barely processed the fact that she’d spoken as well, before quickly embracing the younger girl once again.
The two of them quickly fell back into that almost silence that they had established earlier. The truth was that Karen had no idea if this was working or not, she couldn’t tell if Hikari was still crying when they were positioned like this. But what she did know, is that when she was ready to talk, Karen would be here. So, in an attempt to pass the time until Hikari wanted to talk, Karen begun to draw patterns onto the taller girl’s back. In response, Hikari tightened her grip, and all Karen could do was hope that it was a good sign.
Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, Karen heard a hoarse voice mutter out a single sentence.
“I’ll write back one day. I promise.”
Despite the muffled nature of the sound doing its best to prevent Karen from understanding, she did manage to make out the words. She furrowed her brows in confusion, and turned her gaze slightly towards the girl resting in her arms.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
Hikari took another sharp breath in and shifted uncomfortably.
“I mean the letters. I’ll write back.”
Karen pulled back, forcing the younger girl to look at her again, and tilted her head to the side in a confused fashion, prompting Hikari to elaborate.
The black haired girl stared back at her blankly, before she forced herself away from Karen entirely and pulled her knees up to her chest. She gestured her head towards the pile of papers sat beside them, prompting Karen to turn her attention them. Looking at them from this distance, it was pretty obvious that they were some of the letters she had sent Hikari while the two of them were apart.
She laughed nervously, confusion still evident on her face. “I still don’t really get it, Hikari-Chan...” she trailed off as a voice in the back of her head caught her attention. Karen gasped as a look of terror slowly made its way onto her face. “Wait... is that the problem?! Are my letters what upset you?! I’m sorry, Hikari-Chan! I didn’t mean to! You can throw them out if they make you sad-“
Karen let out a muffled yelp as Hikari shoved a hand over her mouth to silence her. The taller girl let out an exasperated sigh and shook her head, refusing to remove her hand from the older girls mouth.
“No, Bakaren. Your letters aren’t the problem.” Hikari paused for a moment, finally pulling her hand away from Karen’s mouth to wrap her arms around her knees.
“The problem” she proclaimed “is me.” Karen looked at the other girl dumbfounded, the problem... was Hikari? She furrowed her brows again, waiting for her to elaborate.
“What I mean is... I’m not... good at this. At you and me.” She took another deep breath and rested her head on the top of her knees, scrunching her eyes shut to ensure she didn’t cry again. “You’re so... radiant... and being with you... I realise that you are everything that I am not. I get in my head, thinking about how I wasn’t even good enough to beat the Revues... so how could I be good enough for you.”
Karen felt her chest tighten as she listened to the girl across from her speak. How could she ever begin to think that? The brunette reached her hand out and lovingly intertwined it with Hikari’s own, before the taller girl continued.
“I’m... not good at affection. Or romance. I don’t ever show you that I love you... I mean, I couldn’t even write you a single letter, even though you wrote me one every day! What does that say about me?”
In response, Karen just tightened her grip on the other girls hand and shook her head. “Hikari-Chan... you are enough... more than enough! You don’t need to be anything else.” As she spoke, Karen placed her hand under Hikari’s chin and lifted her head to make sure she was looking at her.
“And it’s just not true to say that you don’t show me you care... Sure, you’re not the best at being physically or verbally affectionate, but I see it in other things! Like how you push me to be better every single day, and when you protect me when I’m in danger, and how you let me see this side of you. The emotional Hikari.”
Karen paused, moving her hand from underneath Hikari’s chin to cradle her cheek before speaking firmly.
“You should give yourself more credit, Hikari-Chan. You have no idea how truly magnificent you are, My Starlight.”
Hikari’s face flushed red, and she averted her eyes in embarrassment at the use of the nickname. Karen always had a way of doing that, finding the right things to say at the best possible times. Hikari shifted so that she was kneeling in front of the smaller girl, and leaned up to kiss the top of the smaller girls forehead. When she pulled away, Hikari mustered a small smile to pair with the quiet thank you she whispered to Her Starlight.
After sitting together in a comfortable silence for a while, the black haired girl eventually turned to her side and tenderly picked up the letters with her free hand. As she pushed herself up off the ground to go and pack the letters away where they belonged, Karen piped up.
“So... why’d you bring up the letters? I still don’t really get it”
“Bakaren.”