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Ruthless! Single mindedly so, I had been and am; but why question my sanity? The years had sharpened my senses; my self-preservation, most dreadfully acute. Above all though, was my hearing; I heard all things in the universe, even on Gauda Prime. How, then, can I be mad? Listen! and observe how rationally I tell my whole tale.
I cannot say how first the idea entered my brain; but once nurtured, it occupied my every moment. Reason, passion; there may have been once, but now there was none. In my way, I loved him. He seldom had given me cause for concern. For his friendship I had no desire. I think it was the memory of him. Yes! it was this. Whenever I found myself thinking of him, my heart ran cold, and so, incrementally, I set upon meeting him; desiring to forge new memories.
You call madness. But insane men know nothing! You should have seen how meticulously I prepared; how cautiously I instigated the search; how dispassionately I proceeded with my task. I never spoke of him to the others; not giving a single clue until all other avenues were exhausted; all hope gone. In my dreams each night, I would see him standing before me: proud, trusting, waiting to take control. He would utter but one word, “Avon.” See how carefully I arranged our meeting? And I became aware of a dull sound, even in my dreams, faint, persistent; his heart.
It was that sound, that tattoo, which put paid to any feelings of surprise I may have had when Orac announced it had traced him to Gauda Prime. By then, the strength of his heartbeat was so enveloping, I would, undoubtedly, have found my way simply by following it. See how coldly I set course to see him?
Upon that planet, there was but one sound. As the others fell, it became deafening; as I have said, what you mistakenly call madness, was overwhelming sensitivity. Hearing that drumbeat growing, growing! had a frightful effect upon me. Yet still his words sliced through my waking dream. And yet they were incorrect! No longer did he say just my name; he sought to explain.
If you think me mad, your doubts will be dissipated when I describe the lengths I took to silence the fearful heartbeat. I did not rush but gave every opportunity for the sound to disperse of its own volition. When it refused to do so, I fired. But not once, that would indeed have been madness! several times I pressed the trigger until, finally, he spoke as was meant!
"Avon."
Sweet stillness.