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“There’s nothing you can do now” he whispered to me in the dark tunnel. The only way I could discern his features was by the small flame of the candle I was holding. “We’re too deep under the castle to get help in time.”
“It’s my fault. This is all my fault.” I started apologizing profusely, tears clouding my vision, threatening to spill at any moment.
As he reached up to softly stroke my cheek, hot tears started rolling down my face in waves.
“Do not blame yourself for the situation I got myself into.” Thomas whispered trying to comfort me. “This isn’t your fault by any means.”
“I promised” I cried, “I promised neither of us would get hurt and now look at us. I made you come here with me.” My crying got worse as I continued talking. “Now look at us, you are dying in front of my eyes while I can do nothing but try to comfort you.”
I was full on sobbing now. While Thomas whipped my tears away with his thumb more kept falling. This was my fault. If I wouldn’t have wanted to stalk yet another murderer we wouldn’t be in this situation right now. He wouldn’t be dying and I wouldn’t be sobbing.
I couldn’t see clear through the tears. He was the one minutes from losing his life, yet I was the one crying and I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t look at him knowing I caused this, the pain in my heart so great I could physically feel it.
“Audrey Rose, look at me” His voice was so soft, barely above a whisper, as his hand slowly guided my face back towards him. “It is not your fault. I chose to come here with you. I knew the risks, we both did. It was my choice and I will not accept you blaming yourself for something that was out of your control.”
“But if I hadn’t suggested coming down here to meet and possibly catch an actual murderer, if it wasn’t for me getting that letter, we wouldn’t have been here.” The guilt was eating away at me by now “We could’ve been up in the castle; I could’ve taken you up on that invitation to enjoy ourselves in your room. How I regret not accepting your offer when I had the chance.” Regret was drowning me. I was suffocating. If only I thought twice before acting as reckless as I did. “Instead we’re stuck here; it could be hours before the headmaster finally finds us. You would be dead by then."
“Don’t… don’t say that” he told me, “We are going to get out of here. Even if I don’t, I know you be fine eventually. You’re strong and incredibly smart. You don’t need me or anyone else. You have always been so independent and so stubborn; you will do great even on your own.” The way he said it made me almost believe I would be fine in the end.
“Would a life without you be worth living?” I couldn’t go through everything on my own. It wouldn’t be worth it. “I would be alive but I could never go back to the way I was, I wouldn’t be truly living. I have already lose my brother, don’t make me have to mourn you as well, you can’t do that to me. It will break me.”
“You are unbreakable Audrey Rose. Remember that, no matter what happens you eventually pick up the pieces and put them back together. I have seen you do it more than once. Promise me you will do it once again.”
As he ended that sentence I knew there was no hope anymore, all I could do now was hug him closer to my chest. I could hear his heartbeat slow. Right before it stopped I could hear him murmur a low “I love you” into my shoulder.
It killed me. It killed me to hold him as he died. Knowing that I was, inadvertently, responsible for his death. To listen to his heartbeat come to a stop.
So I cried. Weeping emerging from the silence of tears. It was all I could do.
And that is what I did, for hours I cried into his unmoving chest. I knew life was unfair and while I wouldn’t wish my misfortune for anyone else I couldn’t help but ask, why me. If there really is a god out there, what could I have done to deserve all the pain and suffering I had to endure during this past year?
By the time the principle finally found us, Thomas’s shirt was soaked with my tears. It had probably been hours since I started crying over his dead body. I know he wouldn’t want me weeping his death forever, but his passing ruined me. I was alone now. No one could possibly replace him. My heart would forever be missing a piece.
As the principal and the guard tried to take his body from me all I could do was cling to him more. They couldn’t do this to me. They couldn’t take him from me. They tried to talk me into letting them take him; it all fell to deaf ears.
The more I fought and struggled against them the more tired I grew. Until, finally, I gave up. I let them have him.
The principal helped me up while the guard picked Thomas’s now cold body of the ground. I finally stopped crying.
Instead of feeling better I just felt empty. I felt like there was an endless void inside of me.
I was lead to my room by another guard and left there. The guard turned around and left without another word.
When I made my way into my bedroom I couldn’t help but notice the black box Thomas had snuck in my room earlier. I decided to open it and what I found inside made me slide against the door, silent tears falling down my face once more.
Inside the box was the dress she had seen in the shop’s window with a note that said “to my dearest Audrey Rose”.