Archive of Our Own

"Oh, so it's like Thanksgiving," Linda mused, realization in her voice.

"In a way, yeah." Danny nodded, his hands deep in his pockets.

Linda smiled, "good. Then I'll be there. And pick me up earlier; might as well make myself useful and help with the dinner!"

"My Mom will insist you sit. After all, you'll be the guest," he used a voice his mother would use to make a point.

She chuckled, "and if that happens, I'll let Jamie show me his seed collection again."

He smiled, rubbed her shoulder, "see you Sunday then?"

"Sunday. And I'll wash your shirt and get it back to you. I think I spilled some apple filling on it..."

"No hurry." He kissed her goodbye, and she waved until his car was out of sight.

**************

Linda was "learning" how to make hot chocolate from Danny's youngest brother Jamie after the delicious Sunday dinner. She didn't know when the last time was when she had a dinner as delicious as that one. She watched as he scooped the cocoa powder into the mugs, then hopped down from the small stool. He walked to the fridge, grabbed the milk.

"Mama says you might have to help with the milk part. I spill a lot."

"I can help, sure." As Linda poured the milk for Jamie's cocoa, she noticed Danny sitting on the bench in the garden, all alone in the cold. "Jamie... why don't you get started on your cocoa? Can you put it in the microwave?"

"Yes, that part I can do." So he took his Snoopy and Woodstock mug and walked to the microwave.

"Jamie... can you get me a blanket? I'll watch the cocoa to make sure it doesn't boil over."

"Okay, Linda."

Why weren't all eight year olds like Jamie? All the eight year olds she knew would have demanded explanations and insisted on pouring the milk themselves.

Jamie came back with a blanket just as Linda's cocoa dinged ready. She smiled when he handed her the blanket, "thank you, Jamie."

"You're welcome." He trotted into the family room with his cocoa, and Linda turned to slip out the back door.

She shivered as she made her way to the garden- it was definitely colder tonight than it was last night. Without saying a word, she handed Danny the warm mug; without saying a word, he took it. She sat down, draped the blanket over the laps, then Danny tried to hand her the mug.

"No, that's yours."

He took a sip, the liquid scalding hot, burned his throat all the way down. It felt good.

"What're you doing all the way out here?"

"Thinkin'."

"'Bout what?"

He paused for a minute. What was he thinking? He wasn't thinking about anything, except maybe how cold it was tonight. But even that didn't really register. "Nothin'."

"Nothin'?" She repeated, leaving off the G like he had done. "You could think about nothin' inside, you know, where it's warm."

Danny sighed, "it's quiet out here... nice and peaceful. Listen."

Linda listened for a few moments, then whispered, "what am I hearing?"

"Silence. Peace." He's silent again for a long while, taking a few sips of hot cocoa. "I like this quiet. It's not like Fallujah quiet."

"Fallujah quiet?"

"That's an eerie quiet." He was talking to her, but wasn't looking at her. It was almost as if he was having the conversation by himself, and he was filling in Linda's answers. "A quiet filled with what if's."

"What if what?'

"What if I don't make it through long enough to see the night? What if I don't make it through the day? What if I don't make it through the next hour? The next few minutes?" He got quiet again, before peering into the mug and giving a lifeless chuckle. He whispered, "what if I don't make it though the next seconds?"

Linda swallowed, wondering if she should answer. And if she should, what on earth should she say to that?

"And then there's the other side. If I do make it through all the days and nights and minutes and hours and seconds.... what is it going to be like going home? Will I be the same person? I know I won't be, so what kind of person will I be? Bitter, angry, annoyed? And if I am bitter and angry and annoyed, who will stay? No one wants to stay around that."

"I would stay." Linda said plainly, as if she was telling him that trees had bark.

Danny finally looked at her, confusion on his face. Why on earth would she chose someone bitter and battered and broken when she could have someone new? "Why?"

"Someone's gotta remind you of who you used to be. Of who you want to be again. It might not be a perfect carbon copy of your past self, but no one is. But that's okay, because people change. And I'll be there during change. And if you find your past self, I'll still stay. Because I want to help you hold onto yourself."

"Why the f*** would you wanna do that for?"

She shrugged, "cause that's what boyfriends and girlfriends do. They stay when one is lost and scared and making mistakes. So that's what I'll do. I'll stay, even when you're mad."

He smiled slightly, "that was far too insightful for a seventeen year old."

She only shrugged again, linking arms with him. "Come on... drive me home?"

Danny's response was to lean in and kiss her passionately. He cupped her cheek as she breathed in, her hand quickly finding his wrist to hold. She sighed into the kiss, feeling drunk- or what she'd assumed drunk felt like- when his tongue ran over her lips and into her mouth.

He pulled back when the need for air was too much, and told her, "let's get you home."

Linda nodded, still reeling from that kiss. "Yeah," she breathed out, not quite sure what she had agreed with or to.

***********

Danny parked outside of Linda's house. As she started to unbuckle, he stooped her. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure."

His request was haltingly choppy, "What I said earlier... about Fallujah and... the what if's... could you not tell anyone?... I'd kinda like to keep that between us."

"I won't tell..... is it okay if I write about it in my diary?" She definitely wanted to remember what he had said, so she could refer back to it when he needed the help she promised.

"Who reads your diary?"

"Just me."

"Okay. Put it in there."

"Thank you for inviting me," Linda smiled after a beat of awkward silence. "It was lovely. I've never tasted roast beef that good."

"I'll be sure to pass that along to Erin. She'll be thrilled. Her cooking attempts haven't been the greatest recently."

"Cooking can be hard," Linda smirked, remembering all her first time cooking fails. She was about to say more, something about always being around to listen, when Danny kissed her again.

"Thank you," he said after another searing kiss. "For listenin', and not teasin'."

"I'd never tease you for your thoughts. That's cruel. And I'll always listen. Whenever you need someone to listen, I'll be here." She hugged him- an awkward hug across the seats.

He felt a little relieved, "I love you."

"I love you too."

Linda, as it turned out, was a fantastic listener. She knew when to ask questions and when to keep silent. She knew when to be sympathetic and when to be outraged on the person's behalf. She would always be there, ready to listen to what Danny had to and needed to say. And Danny would forever be grateful to her for listening to his late night confessions, to all his worries and fears. She would always make things better for him.