Chapter Text
Peter chews on his pen and squints. His vision is 20/20 after the spider bite, but seeing the long Math equation on the board doesn’t make it any easier to solve. The teacher’s allowing the class to work with partners, so Peter turns to his best friend, sitting next to him.
He nudges Ned. “Hey Ned. Did you get the answer?”
Ned nods. “Yup. Come close so I can whisper it to you.”
Peter scoots closer to Ned, but his sneaky best friend whispers into Peter’s StarkWatch instead of his ear. “FRIDAY, what’s the answer to the equation on the board?”
FRIDAY responds in the same whispered volume. “X is equal to the square root of 5.32.”
Peter looks from left to right. They’re sitting in the back of the room, so no one is a witness to Ned’s AI assistant. He frowns at his friend. “Dude. That’s so cheating.”
“Nu-uh. Mr. Harrison said we could work with partners. My partners are you and FRIDAY.”
The next voice to come from the watch is Tony’s. “What’s up kid? You accessed FRIDAY. Is everything ok? I’m in a meeting, but I figured it was an emergency.”
The other students are chatting with each other to work out the answer to the equation, so the room isn’t silent. Tony’s words weren’t heard by the room, but the mumbled sound of someone on speaker phone had definitely been audible.
Peter covers his watch as Mr. Harrison calls out from the front of the room. “Did I hear someone talking on the phone? Remember the rules. If I hear it again, I’m coming to confiscate everyone’s phone, tablet, electronic watch, or whatever unauthorized devices you have.”
Peter waits for the room to go back to a dull chatter. When the coast is clear he whispers into the watch. “I’m so sorry Mr. Stark. I just pressed the wrong button.”
Tony whispers back. “Ok. I have meetings for the rest of the day, so only call if it’s an emergency.”
Peter gives Ned the evil eye. “That could have been so bad. Mr. Harrison can’t take my watch. Do you know how many Avengers contacts I have on this?”
Ned gasps. “You have everyone’s phone number. Even…” He pauses to think. “… Captain America? Wait, does Steve Rogers even have a phone? He seems like the kind of guy that would be anti-technology. FRIDAY, call Captain America.”
FRIDAY chimes back. “Calling Captain America.”
Peter whisper-shouts into the phone. “No! FRIDAY, cancel the call and silence the ringer. Why are you even listening to Ned?”
“Edward Leeds has given himself full access to all the of the functions of this device as of two minutes ago.”
Peter lays his head on the desk. “This is what I get for being best friends with a hacker.”
Ned pats him on the back. “Don’t be mad Pete. I keep life interesting.”
“My life is interesting enough without - .”
Peter’s interrupted by the loud speaker. “Mr. Harrison, can you have Peter Parker report to the principal’s office?”
Peter winces. “My point exactly.”
He gathers his backpack and books, and the students give him a chorus of “Oooos” as he leaves the classroom. He’s pretty sure that Flash is the ringleader behind this. Flash has been teasing him since 1st grade and his level of maturity hasn’t elevated since then.
Peter’s a model student so he’s not really sure what he could have done to get in trouble. If he’s not in trouble, then maybe someone at home needs his help or they’re in danger. His mind goes to wildly paranoid places and by the time he reaches the principal’s office he’s seconds away from going into a full-fledged panic attack.
When he arrives at the main office, the secretary directs him to the room all the way in the back and Peter feels his heart racing with each step.
He reaches the doorway of the principal’s office and Principal Morita is sitting behind a desk. On the principal’s right side is… Star Lord?”
Before Peter has a chance to question it, Principal Morita smiles. “Peter Parker, please come in. Your Uncle is here to give you something that he says you left at his house.”
Star Lord gives Peter an enormous grin. “It so good to see you, kiddo. I had so much fun yesterday when you came over my house to do Earth things like TV and music. Those were fun things that we did.”
Peter nods, but he’s not sure how to respond to Star Lord’s odd behavior. He knows that Star Lord had been raised mainly in space, but the principal does not.
Luckily the phone rings.
Principal Morita picks up the phone. “I have to take this call. You two are free to use the conference room next door to talk.”
Peter and Star Lord move to the conference room and when Peter closes the door, the confused teenager looks at Star Lord. “Um, what’s going on?”
Star Lord continues to give Peter a huge grin. “Heya Pete. I did an amazing job with the whole pretend uncle thing, right? The crew said I should do this mission because I’m originally from Earth. I totally nailed it.”
Peter asks again. “What’s going on?”
“Oh, right. So, me and the crew need to do some super dangerous missions because we’re literally the best space rangers in the entire galaxy, but we can’t exactly bring a baby along. It’s totally irresponsible, plus when we did it before, Gamora kinda got upset. That’s where you come in. We need a babysitter and I thought about all the Earth people I knew. So, long story short, I picked you. Of all the Avengers, you’re the most kind, responsible, and overall awesome.”
Peter lifts an eyebrow.
Star Lord laughs. “Alright. You got me. I picked you because your name is Peter and so is mine. You know, I’m Peter Quill and you’re Peter Parker? That seemed like a good enough reason.”
Peter shakes his head. “You want me to watch your baby?!”
Star Lord hands Peter a backpack and a little baby tree pops his head out.
Peter takes a step back. “You want me to watch Baby Groot?!”
“Sure. I mean, it’s not that hard. Think about it. If me and Rocket can watch him, anyone can. Besides, he can play with your other kids.”
“I don’t have kids. I’m sixteen!”
Star Lord nods. “Rocket may have given me some misinformation there. Anyway, you’d really be doing me a huge favor if you could just keep an eye on him for like, the next couple of weeks. I would owe you big time. Actually, me and rocket would owe you a favor. And Rocket can do some awesome things, so an I-owe-you from him is Primetime, if you know what I’m saying.”
Peter shakes his head. “Half the time I have no idea what you’re saying.”
Groot smiles. “I am Groot.”
Peter laughs. “And all the time I have no idea what you’re saying.”
Star Lord shoves Groot back in the backpack and Groot responds with an annoyed grunt.
Peter spins around to face the door and Principal Morita’s turning the doorknob.
Peter hears Star Lord whisper from behind his back, “Please, Peter?”, as the principal opens the door.
Principal Morita clears his throat. “I’m sorry, but that was an important call. Is everything alright?”
Peter sighs. “Yup, everything’s fine. I just left my backpack at Uncle Peter’s house when I was staying over the other day.”
Peter turns back around to face Star Lord. “Um, thanks for bringing my stuff up to the school. I’m sorry you had to go out of your way to bring it all the way here.”
Star Lord is grinning even bigger than before and Peter wonders how that’s even possible. The grinning space Captain pats Peter on the shoulder. “You’re an amazing human being, you know that Peter? Anyway, I have to get back to Brooklyn New York Earth, because that’s where I live. It’s going to take me 38 minutes and 42 seconds if I commute back using my car so I better get going. You won’t be able to open a communication channel with the ship, um, I mean with my hand phone until tonight so if you need to reach me or the friends I live with, you can call later tonight.”
Principal Morita looks at Peter. “Peter, is everything ok?”
Peter tries to brush off Star Lord’s odd behavior before the principal becomes more concerned. “Yeah, everything’s cool. Uncle Peter’s a little eccentric that’s all.”
Principal Morita’s eyes shift over to Star Lord. “I see. What exactly do you do for a living, sir?”
Star Lord scrunches his eyebrows. “You mean, what’s my job? I think you guys call it an astronaut. I was born in Missouri, but space is my home now.”
Peter tries one last attempt to prevent Principal Morita from calling emergency services to haul Star Lord away. “Um, Uncle Peter is a friend of Mr. Stark. I met him at work.”
Principal Morita nods. “I see. Well, it was nice meeting you, sir, but Peter must get back to class.”
Star Lord nods. “Totally. Well, I’ll see ya.”
He waves as he leaves.
The principal looks at Peter with a level of extreme concern, but Peter smiles. “It’s all good. All of Mr. Stark’s science friends are really weird. I better get back to class.”
Peter races out of the room as quickly as he can.
When he gets to an area in the hallway with no one around, be whispers into the backpack. “Are you ok, Groot?”
The baby tree pops his head out of the backpack flap, but this time his huge black eyes are clouded with tears.
Peter sits on the floor and puts the bag on his lap. “You miss Star Lord and Rocket?”
Baby Groot wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and nods. “I am Groot.”
Peter takes his hoodie out of his other backpack and squishes it inside of Groot’s backpack like a blanket. Baby Groot squeals and curls up into the soft, warmth of the hoodie.
Peter smiles. “I’m sorry that I don’t have something of Star Lord’s to hug, but I hope my hoodie is enough of a substitute.”
Baby Groot hums in approval.
Peter sighs to himself. “I should take Groot back to Stark Tower, but I’ve only got, like, half a day of school left. This sucks. I can’t ditch school, but I can’t ask Mr. Stark to come up here to pick up Groot. He said to only call if it’s an emergency and I don’t know if this is an emergency.”
Groot is happily sleeping in his hoodie nest, so Peter makes the executive decision to finish off the school day. He just needs to make sure Groot stays quiet and asleep.
By the time Peter returns to class, there’s another equation on the board.
Peter returns to his seat and Ned points at the backpack with Groot in it. “Um, Peter? Why do you have another backpack? One isn’t enough?”
Peter looks around to make sure no one’s looking. He gently opens the flap to reveal a sleeping Baby Groot.
Ned gasps. “Is that alive?”
Peter nods. “He’s a plant alien.”
“That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. He’s so cute.”
Peter’s about to tell Ned to speak softer, but Flash yells from the front of the room. “I know the answer! It’s 150, isn’t it?”
Groot yawns and rubs his eyes.
Peter whispers. “No no no. Go to sleep.”
Groot tilts his head. “I am Groot?”
Peter tries to hum a lullaby, hoping that it will put the little sapling to sleep.
Groot’s eyes turn into little moon shapes when he hears the music, and he starts to dance and squeal. “I am Groot! I am Groot!”
Peter puts a finger over his lips. “Shhh. You have to be quiet.”
Mr. Harrison points at Peter as he walks toward him. “What did I say about electronic devices? If you don’t hand that over right now, Mr. Parker, I will take everyone’s as well.”
This gets a groan from the class.
When Mr. Harrison reaches Peter, the teacher holds his hand out expecting Peter to give him a phone or a watch. Instead, Peter hands over the backpack. Peter really hopes that the teacher doesn’t open it.
Mr. Harrison shakes his head as he unzips the backpack. “I don’t need the whole backpack, just the -.”
Groot peeks his head out and coos. “I am Groot.”
The teacher almost drops the backpack. “What in the world?”
Peter is terrible at lying, so he’s happy when Ned steps in for the assist. “You know how Peter works with Tony Stark in the engineering lab? Well. this is one of his prototypes. An AI baby robot.”
Flash yells from the front of the room. “Peter doesn’t work with Tony Stark, he just works at Stark Industries. I bet he’s never even seen Tony Stark. A guy like Tony Stark would never waste his time talking to a loser like Peter.”
Groot scrunches his face and gives Flash an angry, “I am Groot.”
Mr. Harrison sighs. “Enough. There’s no need for name calling. Peter, just turn off the toy and put the backpack on the floor.”
Flash laughs. “Peter brought a toy to school. What a baby.”
The class laughs as Mr. Harrison returns to the front of the room. Peter feels his face heating up in embarrassment.
Baby Groot ducks under the hoodie and disappears to the bottom of the backpack, but when he pops back up, he has a small space gun in his hands. He looks innocently at Peter. “I am Groot?”
Peter shakes his head and whispers. “No! Where did you – never mind, just be quiet until class ends and then we can go home and play.”
Groot gives Flash one last angry glare, before he settles back into his hoodie cocoon.
The rest of class goes smoothly.
After the bell rings, Ned and Peter trudge to their next class. Peter and Ned have the same schedule, thanks to Ned hacking the school’s computer system before the schoolyear started.
Their next class is lunch, so the two decide to take their bagged lunches and eat outside. Their usual lunch table is a small table far away from anyone, so it’s the perfect location at the moment.
Ned puts his lunch bag on the table and Peter puts the backpack with Groot inside on the table as well. Groot peeks his head out.
Peter makes sure no one’s looking and lifts Groot out of the backpack and sits him on the table.
Groot looks at Ned’s bagged lunch and Peter’s school lunch. He reaches for Peter’s school lunch tray.
Peter looks from Groot to Ned. “Does he eat food?”
Ned shrugs as he chews on his sandwich.
Peter scans the food on his tray. It consists of chicken nuggets, carrots, French fries, and a chocolate chip cookie. Peter makes the quick decision that none of these foods makes the cut, and instead reaches for the bottled water on the upper right corner of the tray.
He holds up the water bottle and Groot claps his hands.
Peter unscrews the cap and holds the bottle over Groot and pours a stream of water over him. Groot laughs as Peter gives him a water bottle shower.
Peter tilts the bottle back up, cutting off the stream. He sets the bottle on the table and hangs his head in his hands. He looks over at Ned. “I should probably take Groot home. We still have half the school day left and I can’t keep him in a backpack. That’s cruel. Look how happy he is when he’s out of the backpack.”
When he looks back at Groot, the little guy has the water bottle in his hands and he’s drinking it.
Peter sighs. “Plus, I don’t really want to do anything wrong.”
Ned nods. “Yeah. A little adult supervision would help.”
Peter puts Groot back into the backpack. Ned holds out his hand and the two give each other their signature handshake before Peter heads over to the nurse’s office. He’s been there enough times to know what will warrant a call for Aunt May to come pick him up.
He’s been sitting in the back room with the uncomfortable bed for only a few minutes before he hears what he assumes is Aunt May arriving. His arm is around his waist, pretending to have a stomachache, but his stomach actually twists when he hears Tony Stark’s voice. “So, where’s Peter. And how contagious is this tummy ache? Are we talking stomach flu or bad tacos again?”
Peter winces at the memory of his unfortunate taco Tuesday.
The nurse reassures Tony that Peter probably just ate something that didn’t agree with him and Tony walks over to sign the paperwork to release Peter into the fairly capable hands of the superhero.
Peter stays relatively quiet as they walk to the car, still pretending that he doesn’t feel well.
Tony presses the button on the keys to disable the alarm. “You’re never this quiet. You must be really bad off. Of course you’re bad off. You spent a whole summer working as Banner’s assistant, so you can practically diagnose yourself at this point. It’s alright if you’re feeling sick. Don’t stress out. But give me a heads up if you need me to pull over. I had to leave my 11 o’clock meeting early and borrow a company car, so I’m trying to return it in the condition I borrowed it. Well technically I own the company so all company cars are my cars as well. By the way, you’re lucky my meeting’s in Queens.”
Peter feels awful for causing Tony to miss his meetings, but a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.
It isn’t unusual for Peter to ramble on about a topic for way too long, but Tony doesn’t do that unless he’s nervous or worried. In this case he’s worried about Peter.
Peter smiles at the thought for a moment, but when he gets into the car he gets down to business. “I’m really sorry Mr. Stark. I’m not sick, but I needed to get out of school and I thought they would call Aunt May to pick me up, but I guess she’s busy and I know you were busy too and I really appreciate that you left your meeting and I hope that you don’t lose too much money, or the shareholders aren’t mad at you.”
Peter ends his typical rambling with a sigh. Not only because he’s frustrated, but also because it gives him a chance to breathe after spitting that out in one breath.
Tony flicks on his blinker. “Lying isn’t a good trait. Take it from me, kid.”
Peter takes a sigh of relief. Ok. He’s not mad. Just tell him that you have an alien plant baby in your backpack and everything will be fine.
Peter gets confirmation from Tony first. “So, you’re not mad?”
Tony turns the wheel to merge onto the road. “Am I happy that the impending threat of my intern spraying the car with any number of bodily fluids is over? Yeah, I’m good with that. On the other hand, if I’m missing a meeting and you’re skipping school just because you forgot your homework at home, well, that’s a different story.”
Peter opens his mouth to respond, but he’s cut off by Groot belching loudly. He must have finished off the water.
Tony offers an, “Are you sure you’re ok?”
Peter’s face is on fire. “Um, that wasn’t me.”
“Pete, we’re the only one’s here.”
Peter opens the Groot backpack. “Not exactly.”
Tony takes his eyes off the road to glance at Peter, but what he sees is Groot’s head peeking out of the backpack. “I am Groot.”
Tony swerves the car as his hand accidently turns the wheel as he jumps. “What the fu-?!”
A car horn drowns out the word that isn’t quite appropriate to yell in front of a baby.
Tony regains control of the car and tries to catch his breath. “Peter, why… how… WHAT?”
Groot smiles. “I am Groot.” He follows it with a sneeze.
Tony sighs. “Yes. You are Groot. We’ve established that. The question is, why are you here and not on Star Lord’s ship?”
Groot sneezes again.
Peter takes his hoodie out of the backpack and holds it up the heat vents as he blasts the heat to full power. “So, Mr. Stark, I’m a temporary dad.”
Tony rubs his temples. “That’s the second stupidest thing you’ve said. The first stupidest was ‘sure, I’ll take care of your alien space baby.’”
Peter winces. “You think I’m stupid?”
Tony sighs as he loses the bite in this tone. “No. Of course not. I didn’t mean to – look, you scared me with Groot and I’m still trying to calm down from the heart attack that you almost triggered.”
Peter wraps the freshly warmed hoodie around Groot and the baby sapling coos. “I am Groot.”
Peter hugs the hoodie with Groot in it, to give the little guy extra warmth.
Tony smiles at the two. “You’re the opposite of stupid, Peter. You were bright enough to figure out just what Groot needed.”
Peter shrugs. “I can’t understand him because he only says one thing, but I can kinda guess what he needs most of the time.”
Tony taps his fingers on the wheel. “Groot’s in good hands. And you can tell me how he got in your good hands, because I’m guessing it’s a crazy story. And just so you know, if I hear any of the Avengers call me IronGrandpa, I’m coming after you, you hear me?”
Groot giggles. “I am Groot.”
Peter laughs. “He totally just called you Grandpa Stark.”