Chapter Text
It was cold, cold, cold inside. The metal walls were colder. Frigid air and frigid weather turned it all cold, cold, cold. Metal became colder too. The feeling of the freezing walls and floor was so cold it wasn’t cold.
Not cold?
No.
Hot.
It was almost hot. Almost very hot. Mhm. Paradoxical.
Why does cold become hot? It’s like hypothermia. You get so cold you go hot again. The metal has hypothermia maybe. No. Metal can’t get hypothermia. That’s for humans to catch.
Then why is Dazai so cold? That’s for humans to catch. Dazai surely wasn’t any sort of human. That didn’;t line up. Dazai hated it when things didn’t line up. Things never lined up when he was like this. What was he like again?
Oh.
Drugs, right? High? Is he high? Is this high? That doesn’t make that much sense. He’s very low to the ground right now. He feels very low. Very very low.
It’s all a bunch of nonsense. The thoughts that run through Dazai’s head is all a bunch of nonsense. Whatever he’s on- he can’t recall right now- is very good at scrambling him up.
Why is he on this again? Was it… was it on purpose this time? Did Dazai go find something and ingest it earlier? Maybe. Or maybe Mori gave him something this time. It feels like something that Mori would give him, the mind scrambling. Usually Dazai preferred downers or sedatives. But he’s in his room. Why would he be back in his own room if it was Mori’s doing? Wouldn’t he be in Mori’s stuffy office then?
Its not so cold in that office. It is a little bit. Cold. But here is frigid. Dazai lives somewhere that's odd, right? Suddenly he can't remember, even though he’s sitting right there. Something about it makes it colder than most other places.
Because of winter? Dazai thinks maybe it's related to winter. He’s not sure how yet.
He doesn’t know much of anything while high on whatever he’s on. Usually he knows almost everything. It's disorienting.
Nice.
It's nice though. It's kind of nice to know nothing. It's almost that that makes Dazai nothing. Its nice to be nothing. He's supposed to know everything after all, right?
Closing his eyes, Dazai lets himself dissolve into nothing for a while.