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"Shinya!" A hard grip wrapped around the platinum haired man. "Don't you dare to go there."
Shinya knows he can't stay there. He needs to do something.
"Shinya, don't be stupid-"
"I have to. I gotta do something." He looked at the rest of the squad, "lead them to attack from the back. I'm going to distract the trumpet."
Different gasps of 'Lord Shinya!' came out from the squad. Guren tightens his grip around his best friend's wrist. It meant something, something more than just don't dare to go there .
Shinya doubts himself for a while, no, for long enough to think if he's that important to Guren. Especially after Mahiru. The forbidden love he had to experience, he had to bear for years. The suffocating yearning he had to feel.
Guren whispered, low enough only Shinya can hear.
"Please don't leave."
Shinya's heart softens. If this is not a war, he will annoy Guren because of it. But the reality is too harsh. So he decided to do this.
Their foreheads touch, no one stops them to do what they were doing. Shinya can sense Mahiru from Guren but the latter ignores her. They stay at the position for a few seconds before Shinya speaks again.
"I'll see you on the other side." Then he stormed off to the battlefield, letting go of Guren's hand.
And that was the last warmth Shinya has ever felt. Because since then, all he heard was explosions here and there. He saw the trumpet, lunged his Byakkomaru towards it. He also became Byakkomaru for a few moments because he knew he should prove his worth for the country.
He had been proven enough for the country actually, according to Guren. But it’s not enough for him, he wanted to do more.
He wanted to save Guren.
“You’re sacrificing yourself, aren’t you?” Byakkomaru asked.
Shinya scoffed, a small smile appeared on his lips. He can’t lie anymore, not when he was on the verge of his own death.
“What else can I do? I can’t always rely on Guren.” Byakkomaru didn’t want that answer, so Shinya continued. “I love him, that's all I can do.”
Shinya pointed his snipe towards the trumpet, “Thank you for staying with me, Byakkomaru.” Byakkomaru scoffed, his power was loaded enough in its full power under Shinya’s command, “I’m glad it was you.”
Then the last explosion happened. Some of it was caused by him and Byakkomaru, the rest maybe Yuu and Mika. Or even Guren’s. He didn’t recall anything beside the feeling of falling from the sky.
He heard Guren’s scream though.
“SHINYAAAAA!”
Shinya looks at the man, a smile crossing his lips. Then the pain struck him to death. He couldn't breath, it was the hardest suffocating event he had ever experienced. He’s dying, Byakkomaru told him, he can’t live anymore.
And it’s fine. He did what he needed to do. Though, he should see Guren for the last time.
The next thing he sees is Guren’s face. He was laying on the ground. His glance towards the other side, seeing Yuu was laying also on Mika’s lap. The next second he sees Yuu coughing, Mika’s tears now changed to a happy one, hugging the love of his life in his embrace.
“Shinya, hey. Look at me.” Shinya almost closed his eyes, “No, no, no! No, baby, please. Look at me. You’re going to make it-.”
“No. Guren-.”
“-you are, okay? Just, fuck. Wait. Wait a minute.”
“Guren.”
Guren finally looked at Shinya, tears swelled from both of his eyes. He’s so fucking handsome , Shinya thinks. Thank the Gods out there who planned all of this, making the both of them meet back in high school. Standing by each other since then.
Shinya did hope it would've been better, but he never regretted anything from it. He never regretted knowing and loving a man named Ichinose Guren.
His palm cupped Guren’s cheek. Guren gladly held on for his dear life.
“You’re handsome.” Guren chuckles, his teardrops on Shinya’s face. “Guren, it doesn’t hurt at all,” Shinya’s breathing was harsh to hear, like it was counting to his last breath, “because I'm in the arms of the man I loved. The man I've always loved.”
“No, Shinya. Please, not again.”
“I love you. I love you, Ichinose Guren.”
Guren shook his head, “We did it, Shinya. Please, just please, hold on for a minute.”
Shinya smiles, his strength weakens, Byakkomaru has been silenced all this time. “Live, Guren. Live your life to the fullest and meet me in another life.” Different sounds coming from around him. His comrades were standing near him, waiting for his departure.
Then, he let go of Guren’s grip for the last time in that life.
To be honest with himself, Shinya did remember what happened on that day. The day when it ended and the day he let go of Guren's hand.
He started to recall the last memory of his past life about 3 months ago. Shinoa had been asking him the same question, not frequently but enough to make Shinya question what the hell happened when he died.
It was terrifying. Shinya hoped it was all a dream. Hoping everyone, including Guren, did not experience it. But it was all true and it happened.
His first several memories that were recalled were all happy, at least for him. Another day with the squad, another day with Guren, boring ass meeting with Kureto. But for this one, it took a toll on his mind. He woke up several times while screaming, loud enough to wake the others.
Mahiru was the first one to ask him, pestered him about what happened, then he decided to lie. Shinoa suspects he remembered what happened on his last day and asked him about it, he lied again.
Today, it happened again. He looked at his hand for a minute, trying to sense the warmth of Guren. Did Guren experience this too?
Did he get to live this life where everything is less scarier than before?
“Shinya!” Shinya jolted on his bed. “I know you are all awake since God knows when but it’s breakfast time now,” Mahiru told him from the door before storming back to the dining room. It was true that Shinya was awake at 5 and now it is around 7 to 8 in the morning. He really should stop doing this.
Then he decided to sleep again. He woke up again at 9 when Mahiru stormed into his room and slapped the hell out of his face with a pillow. Now Shinya is on his chair, chewing his chocolate bread while listening to morning chatters like usual. Mahiru’s busy in the kitchen, Kureto reads the newspaper like the old man he is, Seishirou doing his things, and Shinoa was annoying like always.
“Shinya.”
“Hm?”
“How long will you lie to me about your dream?”
Shinya eats the last bit of his bread, “Who’s lying?”
Shinoa cups her face with both of her hands, gaze still lingers towards him. “Your scream was really loud and you can never lie, even from the past,” she answered. Before Shinya defended himself, Mahiru cut him. “She’s right, Shinya,” a new food was placed on the table, “you found him, right?”
The truth is, he has found him since the first dream. So, he doesn’t know why his final moment was so crucial for his family. He was adopted, forgotten while his supposed-to-be fiance slept with his best friend. Who is also his ex-boyfriend.
His life’s a joke, honestly.
"Why?" Shinya takes another bread again, "are you going to date him again in this life too?" and munches it.
He realized it went wrong. Because Mahiru's reaction is the opposite of what he expected. Mahiru stayed silent, she glanced towards Kureto, telepathically telling him to continue the conversation. Seishirou and Shinoa too were looking at Shinya with hopeless expression.
Shinya doesn't understand what was happening.
Kureto put down his newspaper. "Shinya, I need you to be honest this time."
"When I'm not?" He knows Kureto doesn't buy that. No one does.
"Do you remember what happened?"
Kureto probably refers to the end of the war. Shinya's an asshole, he knows, but he also knows maybe if he's being honest, he can know about these dreams too. Like, what was the reason. So Shinya nods.
Another question from Seishirou, "Do you know what happens after you die?"
That one, Shinya doesn’t know what happened after he was gone. He shook his head, the hopeless expression changed to a worry one.
Was it that bad? Shinya wanted to ask that. But he doesn’t want to sound desperate. Not when it involves Guren. He turns to Mahiru who finally takes her seat.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t with him anymore when it ended,” Mahiru said. It explained that the war really ended. Are all of them gone? Mika was a demon if Shinya recalled the memory and not all vampires were bad. Somehow them and the humans have the same purpose in one aspect.
Shinya looked at Kureto again, “And? What happened after my death?”
“Let’s say he didn’t take it well. Sure, he did what you told him to. I still don’t know what, he never told me. But, knowing he started all of that because his comrades and you, especially you, died. He also ended the war with you dying,” Shinoa decided to tell the conclusion. It took minutes for Shinya to register all of it.
He died twice, twice .
“No, Shinya. Please, not again.”
Shinya’s gaze falls on his plate. No one talks, it’s just pure silence. Shinoa gives him a glass of water, nudges his knuckles to drink first. When he did, she spoke again.
“Let’s go to the museum. Kureto said if you remember what happened, then it’s time to bring you there.”
“The museum?” Shinya looked at Kureto and Shinoa again, “why should I go there?”
Kureto stays silent while Shinoa beams him a wide smile, “You’ll see.”
“He’s been like that for days,” Yoichi tells Yuu. Shinoa’s squad were standing in front of Guren’s standing figure. He was standing in front of a big picture that he told his juniors to make them do it. The five of them also waited for the day the picture finally hung, but it was too hurt to see.
On the wall, hang a memorial picture of Hiiragi Shinya. Guren chose his official photo with the uniform, small smile beams towards the people who looked at it.
Classic, classic Shinya.
“We shouldn’t creep at him like this,” Mitsuba whispers.
“Yeah, it’s weird, you know. Besides, I’m also grieving!” It's Shinoa now.
“You guys are not subtle at all, you know?” The kids were startled. They looked at where Guren was standing in sync, “come stand with me here.”
The five of them walk towards Guren and stand there. All of them were looking at the figure of Shinya. They were lying if they didn’t feel their hearts clenched. Only by looking at one of their superiors who died at the war.
Shiho is the first one who speaks. “Uh, Lieutenant Colonel Guren,” Guren stays silent, but he was listening, so he nods, “I never tell you this straightforward but thank you for saving the world and I'm so, so sorry, for your loss.”
Yuu speaks next, “If you want to know, stupid Guren, I always thank Major General Shinya for a week now. I also tell him about you, about Mika. Telling him that from up there, he should still whack your head so you can walk straight again with the others.” Shinoa slaps the boy standing next to him, whispering to him angrily because of what he just said.
Surprisingly, Guren chuckles. He freaking chuckles, after a week full of showing how lost he was. It concerns the Hiiragi, even Kureto. That’s why he assigned Shinoa’s squad to creep him out.
Guren wipes the tear from his left eye. “Thank you for that,” he said. He looks up at Shinya's picture again, imagining everything that could happen right now if the man’s still standing beside him. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” The question was given to the kids.
He got various nods from them, agreeing. They look up to you Shin, he said.
“Did I really save the world?” Guren asks again. Before anyone answered the question, laughter came across where they stood. Makoto and Shusaku were laughing after their patrol before coming back to their city the next day for a massive cleaning up for the country. The scene is enough to answer Guren’s question.
Yuu decided to answer, “Both of you did save it.” Guren took the answer.
“Alright then, I’m going off.”
Shinoa stopped him from his track with a question, “Where are you going? There’s a celebration for survivors tonight before the clean up tomorrow.” Don’t leave, I lost my only brother who really cared for me, Shinoa wanted to tell him that but she kept it instead.
Guren continued to walk while waving his hand, “I’m going, don’t worry. Tell Kureto I’ll be late. Gotta be somewhere first,” then he disappeared from their sight.
After Guren left, the kids also walked towards the soldiers lounge.
“Will Kureto know where it is?” Yuu asks Shinoa. To answer the question, Shinoa nods her head. Lunges her arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder, she looks at Yuu and speaks. “He never lies when it comes to him, not to Kureto, not again. Maybe he will say goodbye for a while.”
Yuu nodded, the reason was understandable. Then he started to run, “I’m going to check on Mika first! You guys can go!” his friends gave him a different ‘okay, check your lover’, ‘don’t disturb him. He’s resting’, and others before they separated their own ways.
Guren nods along the way towards his car. Several soldiers saluted him and he gave them his quick smile. When he finally sits inside his car, Guren pushes the gas pedal quickly and drives towards the location. The place he goes everyday, a bouquet of flowers sits still on his passenger seat.
Ever since the war ended, Guren feels the air is fresher than ever. It was like something needed to be sacrificed for him to feel all of this. The war he started because he lost his people, he lost his loved one. It ended with his boyfriend dying in his arms, it all came full circle and he can’t do anything.
Shinya didn’t want him to do that again. Even though he didn’t know about the truth until his death.
His car stopped in front of a cemetery. Guren takes the bouquet and walks towards Shinya’s grave. It’s still clean, because he cleans it everyday. Today will be the last day before he goes back to where he started his life tomorrow, leading his squad to rebuild the city from the ground.
He put the new flower before getting rid of the old one before squats down in front of it. “Hey there love,” his heart clenches, but he continues. “Tomorrow is the start of the massive cleaning shits. I will be at home for a week before getting back to you here. Don’t miss me too much.”
I always miss you, Guren.
Probably Shinya will tease him like that, but he’s not here anymore. He can pretend to be strong anymore.
“It hurts, Shinya. It hurts so much. I can’t live like this. The last time you were gone, I started all of this. It costs your life again to end it. How can I live with that? What should I do?” His forehead touches the marble of Shinya’s grave, “Will you love me again in another life?”
No one answers the question, but maybe it will have its answer in the future.
Alarm blaring when you should’ve been enjoying your wednesday morning is the worst thing ever. Especially when the sunlight is already trespassing into your room, telling you to wake up and accept the reality.
Guren groans, trying to stop his beeping alarm. When it’s done, he peeked through his left hand to look at the time. 9 in the morning, someone should’ve been awake in his apartment right now. None other than Goshi.
His door suddenly whacked open, presenting the suspected person he thought earlier. “RISE AND SHINE, MY DUDE!” Goshi was still dressed in his pajamas. Pajamas means a loose white tank top and his boxer while wearing a pair of gloves, he’s been busy playing around in the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” Guren asks while trying to sit on his bed.
Goshi showed him a pan full of cookies, “I made breakfast! Well, if you prefer rice, I also made it. This was made for Mito though. We will be out an hour from now.” Looking at the weird state where Guren is now, Goshi frowns. “What happened? Were you dreaming again?” dreamt about him? Goshi doesn’t have to emphasize his question more, because Guren knows what it means.
The raven hair man shoves his hand, telling him he’s okay. Taking the cue, Goshi tells him he will be in the kitchen and the breakfast is ready on the table.
When Goshi leaves, Guren flops himself again on his bed. His gaze focuses on the ceiling, of how his air conditioner works. For a few minutes, he remembered his latest dream. The smile on Shinya’s face he promised to treasure forever, the only thing he left before it all ended.
The gaze shifted to the right of his bed, where a frame photo stood on his drawer. The picture was everywhere on the internet in this more modern society. A picture of Major General Shinya, the same as where it hung the first time back in their past life. The picture was the one who triggered the latest dream inside Guren and it’s been months since it happened.
Guren stretches his hand to pick up the frame. Sitting on his bed again while caressing Shinya’s cheek on it.
“Hey there love,” he whispers, holding back a weird feeling around his chest. “I’ve been dreaming about you. I don’t know what it means but I hope you live well. Hope you were having a life that was better than before. You deserve better,” I should’ve been better.
Their foreheads touch. It’s a weird gesture but Guren finds it soothing. It calms him a bit and makes everything easier. Even though it’s only for seconds.
Whispering he should eat breakfast under his breath, he put Shinya’s back on the top of his drawer. He walks out from his room to find a smoke crowding the kitchen space. It’s not the first time Goshi almost burned the whole flat. Guren takes it as a daily activity and turns off the stove, grabs the extinguisher, and tries to brush off Goshi’s smug smile.
He was eating his breakfast when Goshi told him his plan, “We should go to the museum again today.”
“Why should I?”
“Because you should. It’s the default.”
Guren’s first laugh was heard this morning, “It's wednesday. I come when I feel I need to.” Goshi crunches the cookies in his mouth, and doesn't care about the mess he made. “But seriously, Mito sounded concerned when she told me to go out today. She said that you should go and if you don't, she will make you.” Both of his hands are on the air, “Besides, the cafe near the museum is the best cafe in town, no offense with your argument and preference.”
That was a new one. Mito sounded concerned only if there’s an emergency or something urgent. The odd one was why didn’t she straight call him or text him? They were equal in this lifetime, always has been. Especially if it involves the museum, which is their memorial.
Goshi takes a peek at his phone, “Mito’s on the way. You should change.”
“Nah, I’m going to sleep again.” A cushion flew through the room and landed on his head. Guren chuckles before showing his middle finger to Goshi and runs back to his room. He flops down on his bed again and takes out his phone to just scroll down through the internet, including checking on the museum official website.
Several minutes later, Guren can hear a door open. Shoes shuffling towards the wooden floor and others. He even can hear Goshi’s joking tone and suddenly a faint ‘oh my goodness’. Probably Mito flipped him somewhere, he doesn’t care.
Then he sensed Mito standing in his room, he left the door open, “Why are you not changing yet!?” Guren groans in reply, both of his eyes still focused on the phone screen, “Why should I? Straight to the point.”
“It’s about Shinya.”
Guren turned his head towards Mito, “The museum was all about him. That’s nothing new.” Mito wanted to say something, but she was stopped by someone. Guren frowned his eyebrows and his pupils blew wide when someone stepped into his sight. His mind was saying this must be a dream, this must be a dream, it can’t be real.
Kureto stands beside Mito now, with Goshi standing behind him and telling Guren with whispers he’s real. A small smile creeps on his face, Guren doesn’t know if it was a good sign or bad.
“Shinya’s at the museum now, you should see him to tell that you live your life to the fullest.” Guren remembered the word, he only told Kureto about what Shinya said that day, “Man up, Lieutenant Colonel. It’s your once in a lifetime chance.”
He really wants to throw his pillow towards that smug face. But instead he says, “You’re still an asshole, aren’t you?”
“Gotta do something right for my brother this time. You should too, be better for him.”
Yeah, he really should.
“What were his final words?” Kureto asks when Guren is finally comfortable enough to join the celebration tonight. The raven haired man sips his drink, nods along to the other soldiers who call out his name.
For a few seconds, Kureto doesn’t pester him again about it. To be honest, he can’t feel the outcome of the grief everyone feels. He only knew rage after the heir was given to him. But about losing his adoptive brother? First of all, he never treated him right, he despised him.
Treat him like a pawn, to get on Guren’s mind and nerves. He can’t feel the loss that Shinoa feels, crying over the only brother who truly cares for her.
Surprisingly Guren answers, “He told me to live my life to the fullest. I don’t even know what it meant.”
“When did he ever make any sense?”
“I know right.” The two men laugh.
Then it was silent. Both of them enjoy the night, witnessing every ridiculous thing their soldiers do on the spot. Yuu challenged Makoto for an arm wrestling, Shiho tried to stop him by whacking his head, and Yoichi, who just tried to separate his boyfriend and best friend. Mika doesn’t show up because he was still resting, recovering after the war ended and slowly regaining his humanity back.
The first several days after the war were worse. Everyone never sees Guren in that state. No one can calm him down, besides his squad. Goshi had been his pillar after Shinya died, always standing at the back of the man while he was giving instructions for the new phase they should do.
One soldier asked Guren why they should do the plan straightforwardly after the war. There’s no time given to rest, even for the soldiers who were just resurrected. Hearing the question, Goshi looked at Guren with a worried expression. It’s hard enough for him after Kureto was also hospitalized because of various injuries.
Before Goshi walks to him, Guren speaks. “This is a command from Major General Hiiragi Shinya before he lost his life in the battlefield,” he held up his posture, trying not to break the tears, “He commanded me to start cleaning up while the health division did their job, prioritizing the important people who needed to be taken care of. If not us, who will really end the misery of the other civilians?”
What can he do to repay Shinya’s sacrifice?
“After all of this, let’s go back to our neighbourhood and stay there for a week,” Shinya’s smile grows wider, “You know, reminiscing the old times. Telling our past selves that we really survived this shits.”
Guren looked at his soldiers, taking a glance of Shinoa wiping her tears. “I guess all of you know the answers,” when there’s no more questions to ask, Guren dismissed them. Falling on Goshi’s embrace and passing out. This behaviour started after the war ended, because when he was possessed, Guren spent all of his energy.
Now he was in the middle of his grief, his energy became less and less. Goshi single handedly carried his leader towards the infirmary, looking at the man’s tired expression.
“Do you think he will survive?” Sayuri asks, doubts can be heard from her intonation.
“Of course he will,” Goshi still looking at Guren’s face, “Shinya didn’t fall in love with some weakling.” with that they leave Guren to the health division’s care.
At the end of the week, Guren can feel his body more relaxed and control his daily routine. That’s why, now he only spends his day inside his room, in front of Shinya’s picture, and Shinya’s grave. Preparing for more energy spending next week when he was sent back to his home. The home he and Shinya promised to live in when everything ends.
“What should I do?” Guren asks.
Kureto looked at him with a confused look, “What do you mean?”
“What Shinya said,” Guren looked at his superior now. He put down all of his masks and showed him the most vulnerable expression Kureto has ever seen, “how should I do that?”
Kureto’s not the first guy you should ask about this kind of thing. He can’t relate to it. But he knows how to fight for living. Everything he did before, including the worst part, was one of his plans to keep living.
Even though it was not that good.
“Do you believe in reincarnation, Guren?” a vulnerable look changed into a confused one, “This is one of Shinya’s not-making-any-sense topics, but this is the only topic I found interesting. How is your life later in another life? Will it be worse or even happier than this one?”
Kureto put his hand on the Lieutenant Colonel’s shoulder, squeeze it. Guren let him, silently listening to the speech.
“He wants you to live the life he can’t until your last breath. Do it for your atonement, at least do it for him. If God’s plan really likes what they think, you will meet him again in another life.”
“Meet me in another life.”
Guren closes his eyes, reminiscing about Shinya's last gaze falling upon him before his last breath. It was a nightmare for him, but he didn’t want Shinya to feel bad for leaving him. This is his punishment for not treating his lover well enough. For not being better for the love of his life.
Kureto patted his shoulder, once and twice. “He loves you, kid.”
“You’re one year older than me.”
“Stop being a brat,” Kureto slapped his head. “Get your head in the game, Ichinose. Enjoy the night, I’m sure he wants you to have it,” then Kureto walks away to meet his peers. Guren only looks at the way the eldest Hiiragi walks, before he was called by Yuu. Now the brat was challenging him to an arm wrestling contest.
Looking at the kids' smiles makes his heart at ease a bit. Knowing they can smile freely this time, all thanks to their hard work and Shinya.
“GUREN! COME DOWN! DON’T ACT ALMIGHTY UP THERE! THIS IS A PARTY!” Goshi lifts up his glass while calling at his friend. Guren chuckles and finishes his drink before coming down to his friends.
Shinya is now standing in front of a building of a museum, one of the most famous in Japan. Knowing they kept all of the historical events here. The banner even showed its phrase, walking inside like you’re traveling through time. Shinya can’t lie, he’s convinced enough.
Walking inside the museum is really like a general historical museum. The one he saw from a trilogy of movies, he loves that.
Taking more time to look at the interior, Shinya doesn’t see Shinoa standing in front of him with an unamused expression. She was standing in front of a special section of Japan’s history event.
“It’s a good museum,” Shinya says.
Shinoa rolls her eyes and tells him to walk with her faster. Doesn’t want to make his little sister mad, Shinya walks faster and puts his hand on her shoulder. Looking at the special section, it talked about every war that happened in Japan. Shinya knows some of it because he learned history, he went to school.
“So, which part of this museum that the government didn’t decide to tell in schools?” Shinya decided to ask.
The two of them stopped in front of another special section, like it was made for the event only. Shinya moves his gaze towards the infographic and knows the answer to his own question.
“This, Major General,” Shinoa finally answers.
It’s an exclusive section only for telling what happened with humanity against the Seraph of The End experiment. It was designed as fantasy as ever, but the story was delivered descriptively and full of details. Now, it depends on the people who believe it or not. For Shinya? He was searching for something.
For someone.
His steps stopped in front of another infographic with a big font of LIEUTENANT COLONEL ICHINOSE GUREN written on it. Shinya let out a sigh of relief, looking at the raven haired man makes his heart flutter somehow, even though it’s not the real him.
He was born in a family that rivaled the Hiiragi Family itself, but successfully had a relationship with the second daughter (Hiiragi Mahiru) and befriended her ex-fiance (Hiiragi Shinya). Somehow after her death, the friendship developed into something more serious. Knowing the reason the apocalypse happened itself is because Lt. Ichinose lost his comrades and his best friend.
Lt. Ichinose decided to break the taboo, reviving the dead, to see his comrades and best friend again. The war ended with him successfully reviving all the soldiers who were dead when various wars were happening, but still can’t save his dear best friend-now-is-his-boyfriend, Major General Hiiragi Shinya.
Shinya gazes at a photograph of him, him with the others, him with Guren. There’s a formal photo of him too that was used at his funeral a long time ago.
Major General Shinya died on the battlefield at the age of 25, a few months away to his 26th birthday. Assisting his longtime best friend and few months lover, Lt. Ichinose, Major General Shinya sacrificed himself to defeat the trumpet with his demon Byakkomaru’s help. The event left the whole country devastated, knowing the adopted son of the Hiiragi family saved the world and ended the war his best friend started. Here’s the last interview with Lt. Ichinose about his lifetime partner before he died at age 45.
There’s a headphone served only to the people who want to hear the interview. Shinya looks at Shinoa for a second, asking if it’s alright for him. Shinoa nods her head, telling him she will be at her squad’s corner. With that, Shinya takes a deep breath before wearing the headphone and starts the interview.
“He’s my life. He’s always been. I did think of ending my life, to meet him in the afterlife. I don’t care how long it will take, as long as I meet him again. But remembering his final words, I can’t do that, he won’t let me do it either. That’s why I’m now living as my atonement to all the sins I’ve done, to meet him in another life.”
Shinya chuckles, a tear drops on his cheek. Guren just recited the final word given by him and he’s so proud of his boyfriend. He was too overwhelmed and decided to take off the headphone. It was too embarrassing to cry over a dead soldier who he doesn’t know if he’s alive in this lifetime yet.
But he’s just too happy because Guren can live the life he can’t live.
Wiping his tears, he whispers a little ‘ sorry ’ to the other attendants of the museum and walks towards where Shinoa is. He was welcomed with a more cheerful infographic for Shinoa's and Makoto’s squad. Mika is also included and known as the ally for humans, sitting as the boyfriend of Yuu. Shinya found Shinoa smiling and telling the history event by herself to a couple of children.
When Shinya pops on her right shoulder, a little girl looks at him and the figure of his past life repeatedly. It’s cute, too cute for Shinya’s heart. He put his index finger in front of his lips, telling the little girl to keep this between them only.
“Who decided to do all of this?” Shinya asks after the children left Shinoa. They were now standing in front of the last duty of her squad, all smiling and giggling towards the camera. “Me, duh,” Shinoa shifts her gaze to a picture of her and Mitsuba. “This is all I have of you guys and I don’t want the country to doesn’t know about what happened. There was blood everywhere, but at least I met you and them,” says Shinoa pointing to her own squad.
Shinya can understand that. He looks down to his feet, feels nervous suddenly.
“Do you think he visits the museum often?”
“Of course. He should be here now.” Shinya looked at Shinoa in disbelief while the girl was playing on her phone, “Scratch that, he’s here now.” She put her phone inside her bag and looked at the back of the section, waving to someone. “Here they are,” she says, nudging Shinya to look in the same direction as hers.
Turning his head, Shinya was welcomed by the sight of Kureto, his friends, and Guren. Raven haired Guren, dressed as a middle aged adult Guren, looking straight to where he stands.
Before arriving at the museum, Guren told Goshi to slap him before meeting with Shinya, in case all of this was just a dream and Kureto's not this nice. Goshi slapped him when they walked out from the apartment.
"Ow, what the hell!?"
"You told me to do that!"
“Later, you dumbass!”
Kureto sighs and Mito tries to apologize for their behaviour. It took around 20 to 25 minutes from where Guren and Goshi lived to the museum. At the front gate, Sayuri and Shigure were already waving their hands. Realizing another person, who was their superior in the past life, was there with the others, both of them immediately bowed.
The man tried to stop the gesture, telling them it’s kind of embarrassing.
“I almost pissed my pants when I saw him walk into the flat,” says Goshi, trying to tell his feelings to the girls.
Guren walked side by side with Kureto while walking into the museum. They didn’t talk at all, because Kureto was busy looking at the interior while Guren already memorized all of it. The two of them stopped at the same time, standing a meter away from an infographic of Shinoa’s squad. Guren looked at Kureto who took out his phone to type a few messages and tucked it back to his jeans.
He heard Sayuri gasps, “Lord Shinya.”
His gaze shifts instantly to where two people were standing in front of the infographic. The platinum hair he missed the most, the blue azure eyes he yearns for God-knows-how-long. It’s like he had an explosion inside his gut. The yearning he had to endure for years now finally shows the result of what it costs.
Guren felt a hand squeezing his left shoulder, it was Kureto's. "Go get the tiger," he said before walking to greet his sister and brother.
I can do this, Guren thinks. His breath got stuck in his lung when Shinya started walking towards him. Is this the feeling when your crush slowly approaches you? Guren never felt this because he just met Shinya now. And he only wants Shinya.
Shigure commented from behind him, "Guren, you're nervous."
"Yeah man, it's too obvious," it's Goshi now.
"Yeah I know!" Guren shuts them up.
Finally Shinya stands in front of them. Behind him is his own almighty formal picture when he was the Major General, but with his hair a bit hiding his left eye, no one can think it's the Major General himself.
The platinum haired man takes a peek at the rest of the squad, a small smile painted on his lips. "Nice to see you guys again," he says while waving his hand. Various replies were given to the man, then Shinya’s gaze shifted to the figure standing in front of him. The two of them were waiting for this moment since they were separated by lives.
Guren shouldn’t fuck this up.
“Hey,” he almost said hey there love. Shinya’s not his boyfriend, well not yet. Shinya chuckles, behind them was a big picture of their glory together. The first years of their mission together, when Guren let him tag along with his squad. Shinya reaches Guren’s fingers and links theirs together slowly, “I’ve missed you.”
Guren let out a chuckle while letting his fingers intertwined with his lover, soon-to-be lover, lifetime lover. It doesn’t matter, Shinya’s here with him now.
“Actually, do you want a coffee? I know all of this is a lot to take in,” Guren points to the way to the cafe, “Goshi said it’s one of the best in the city.” Shinya blinks and looks at the rest of the squad to confirm, they nodded in unison. When Shinya agreed to it, Guren dragged him out, bids his goodbye to Kureto and Shinoa. He won’t stay at the cafe with Shinya because he knows the others will spend their time there, that’s why he will take him to the nearest park for more serious conversations.
At the cafe, Guren let Shinya buy them the beverages. While the others annoy him why only Shinya got the special attention. Guren shuts them up and tells them they will have their own date after this. He needs to do this right, it’s now to start all over again or not at all.
After buying their drinks, Guren ditched his friends to walk with Shinya. He also tried to ignore the intense gazing from his friends from the cafe’s window. He will make sure to flip them all after all of this ends. But now, it’s his and Shinya’s time.
“How much do you remember?” Guren asks while they enter the park area. Shinya drinks his coffee first before answering, “All of it, I guess? I remembered it until the day I was gone, then I don’t have any dreams about that life anymore.”
He remembered the day when he died. Guren stops on his track because Shinya suddenly grabs on his empty left hand.
“Guren, are we going to do this again?” Guren’s not lying if he feels his heart stops at the moment. “It’s not like I don’t want it, I do want it. It’s all I wanted. But, how do we do it now? I didn't have any relationship before,” Shinya says.
Guren being an idiot he is, replies, “You don’t?”
“I don’t.”
“Why?”
Shinya answers without skipping a beat, “Because you were the only one I can think of.” With that answer only, Guren pulled the other man’s body into his embrace. It was an awkward position with the two of them holding a hot cup of coffee. But it’s the hug Guren needed for.
Slowly Shinya creeps his hands to hug Guren’s trembling body. After all he’s been through, Shinya all needs this hug, both of them are.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you go, I should’ve known that I can’t save everyone.”
“But you did. You did save everyone, we did.”
“But I lost you.”
Shinya breaks their hug to look at Guren’s teary eyes, those purple eyes hurt and Shinya can’t take it. “Are you now?” he lets their foreheads touch, leading Guren’s breathing to be more steady this time, “We are here now, together. That’s the most important thing we can do together.”
The gesture relaxes him much better than how he does it all the time and also from the dream. Guren squeezes Shinya’s fingers, trying once again telling himself that all of this was real, Shinya’s real and alive.
Replying to the squeeze, Shinya calls, “Hey love.” Guren chuckles, it’s his nickname for the other but Shinya used it before him, “I love you.”
Guren breathed, he waited for this moment, “I love you too. Don’t let go.”
“I won’t,” Shinya holds his smile, it’s the brightest smile he ever had, “Not now, not ever.”
Shinya celebrated his 26th birthday at his house. At first he didn’t want it to be grand or something, just spending his time with his family or Guren was enough. But Guren insisted, so he decided to throw a surprise party at Hiiragi’s backyard. It’s not wide enough for 50+ people, that’s why he only invited the people Shinya remembered from his past life.
The most important thing is, he’s here. Alive and well, surrounded by people who are different yet still have the same features. He’s here with the love of his life, Ichinose Guren. Ichinose Guren, who is now walking towards him with a birthday cake in his hand.
“Happy birthday, happy birthday- don’t blow it yet!” Shinya laughs, it’s fun messing Guren up. When the song ended, sung by everyone, Shinya put his ten fingers together. Murmuring his prayers, for his life, Guren’s, family, and everyone else. After that, he blows the candle.
The first person who crowded his zone was Seishirou. He shoved his present to his adoptive big brother with a grin, “Happy birthday, brother! This is a joint present by me and Shinoa! She still saved her allowances for the graduation, that’s why she bribed me!”
Shinoa who was eating the birthday cake scoffed, telling Seishirou he doesn’t have to tell Shinya that. She looks at her big brother and says, “Happy birthday. I hope you live until you can see me as an adult and beyond.” Her eyes express hope, knowing he wasn’t there when she grew up as a fine woman. Shinya smiles and pat her head lightly, “I will. Thank you.”
Kureto gave him his car key, because he needed to fly abroad for work. While Mahiru gave him two tickets for Disneyland.
“This is a birthday party, you guys know that right?” Mahiru nods, “Yes. You also need rest. You’re a workaholic bastard, same like this big guy over here,” she points her head towards Kureto, “and Guren doesn’t like that. So, I gave you a luxury present! When will I be this generous again?”
Hopefully forever, Shinya answers from his heart.
Mahiru nudged his stomach and groaned in pain. Then she walks to greet Guren’s friends. The party was filled with laughter when Yuu choked on the cake and Mika tried helping him to throw him up. While Shiho stands, recording the moment.
“Hey,” Shinya gasps on the feeling of two large hands wrapping around his waist. Guren put his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder, looking at the kids who were still here living their high school life, “what did Mahiru give you?”
He shows the tickets to the other man, “Disneyland.”
“Oh, she did hear my suggestion.”
“Are you really mad because I'm too focused on my work?”
Guren nods, hiding his face to Shinya’s neck. “And I hate you giving more attention to Byakkomaru than me.” Shinya held his laughter, after their one year relationship, they decided to adopt a cat together. It’s his fault to too invested in the cat because he thought Byakkomaru also got his reincarnation.
Byakkomaru lives in the Hiiragi household but sometimes he will live in Guren’s when Shinya leaves work too late and decides to crash at Guren’s rather than going home. The same features why Shinya believed this cat is really Byakkomaru is that he also dislikes Guren.
“Fuck the cat.”
“He loves you.”
“He despises me!” Guren looks at Shinya’s eyes now, “He literally chose Goshi over me!? Which never happened at all when we were still in our war!” Now they were on the topic, “Where is Byakkomaru?” ignoring Guren’s protests, Shinya takes a look at the others to see where his precious demon cat is. His eyes landed on where Byakkomaru played with Mika, he even taught him to put his paw on his hand, which never happened at all.
Guren suggests Mika should adopt the cat and never give it back. Shinya punched him in the stomach. Looking at the pain expression Guren gave, Shinya chuckles. He intertwines their fingers again and brushes his hand on the other cheek.
For a few minutes, only silence filled their space. Guren looks at Shinya’s lips while the other focuses on the purple irises.
“You’re handsome,” Shinya confesses. Guren’s gaze suddenly softens, knowing where it's coming from. One of the famous last words Shinya gave and he still says it until now. Everytime they took their time to savour each other’s beautiness and how they found their way to each other again.
Guren slips a strain of platinum hair to the back of his boyfriend’s right ear. “And you’re still beautiful as ever,” he breathes. Their faces inch closer and closer. They can feel each other’s breathing and Guren still counts Shinya’s heartbeat every time he can hear it.
When he was sleeping, when they hug, when they kiss.
“I love you,” Guren says it first.
Shinya chuckles and replies, “I love you too.” Then they sealed their mouths together, dancing in the tune of their own rhythm with Shinya’s hands on Guren’s shoulder, tugging him in closer. Guren needs to control the urge to sweep Shinya on where he stands, let the other’s legs wrap around his waist. But since they were still in Hiiragi’s backyard, they were interrupted.
It’s Yuu’s voice, of course it is, “Yo, love birds! Stop kissing and join the party!”
Guren breaks the kiss to hide his red face on Shinya’s neck. While Shinya tries to control his breath and replies, “Yeah, yeah. We will. Go on.” Shiho breathes; he can't believe the adults are too open for their make out session. Then he was calmed down by Yoichi saying they were legal enough to witness that kind of stuff.
Shinya found Guren’s lidded gaze again, “Tonight?”
“Eliminate Byakkomaru first.”
“Eliminate Byakkomaru first.”
Guren smiles, “Tonight then.”