Work Text:
One runs the risk of weeping a little if one lets himself be tamed.
The rooftop of their building is almost always vacant despite how beautiful the view of the city is from up there. Juyeon rationalizes that people as a whole are just too busy to explore the hidden wonders around them.
“It’s not their fault they have to work twelve hour days to make ends meet. Sadly, it’s just the way it is.”
He would say and hug Chanhee closer to his side, his way of reminding themselves how lucky they are to not only have a moment to admire the illusive stars and ponder the galaxy above, but to have the time to share it with someone they love.
“So I’m picking you up at the office at six, right?” Chanhee confirms, as he and Juyeon tap their metrocards and slide through the gate.
“Yes,” Juyeon affirms and blindly reaches for Chanhee’s hand. “And if I can get out earlier I’ll call you. I’m kind of thinking about tampering with the presentation so the meeting will get cancelled. Is that bad?”
Chanhee narrowly dodges a large man running towards the train and scowls back at him. “It’s only bad if you get caught. You’re doing it for the greater good.”
“So don’t get caught. Got it.” Juyeon grins boyishly. “See you later.” He leans in for a quick peck, standing at the center of the intersection where they always split up but Chanhee is already sending him a flying kiss as he hurries in the other direction. “Wait!”
Chanhee halts a few steps before the stairs and pivots in time for Juyeon to cup his face and plant a kiss right on his pouty, chapstick covered lips. This time it’s Chanhee who dopily watches Juyeon jog away until again he yells wait! and comes running back.
“Do you have-” Juyeon rifles messily through the contents of Chanhee’s crossbody bag much to Chanhee’s dismay, and pulls out what he’s looking for.
Chanhee, who has been watching in patient bewilderment, shakes an annoyed fist at him. “Really?”
Juyeon pops the spearmint gum into his mouth and flashes his perfect teeth. “Yes.” He knocks his knuckle beneath Chanhee’s chin and waves goodbye, not facing away until he bumps into someone and bows in apology. Chanhee watches it all happen in real time, shaking his head at his endearingly clumsy boyfriend before running to catch his train.
The morning sun is already miles high above the city, flooding the apartment with light and it’s barely seven o’clock. The birds are singing which is a lovely reminder that it’s probably time to head out for work but at the moment Chanhee is a bit preoccupied.
In his defense, Chanhee had full intentions of being early to the studio. He’d set his alarm early the night before, ironed his outfit and set his suede loafers by the door. What he didn’t account for was the love of his life pressing him against their front door, savoring the taste of his minty breath.
“Juyeo-”
“Not yet.”
Ten minutes. It’s been ten minutes since Chanhee’s first warning- more a plea than anything. It started as their usual goodbye kiss, a tender press of lips enough to convey an I love you have a good day message all in one shared breath. Somehow that one kiss turned into four, and then Juyeon was crowding Chanhee against the door barefoot, tugging him closer by the waist, and any extra time Chanhee had allocated for leaving early magically disappeared.
“We’re going to miss the train,” Chanhee attempts uselessly when Juyeon takes a second to nibble on his rosy bottom lip. He receives a sharp shh to which he can only reply with a meek okay before letting Juyeon continue to kiss him utterly stupid again.
When Chanhee finally makes it beyond the front door he’s out of breath and distracted, his mouth noticeably more rouged than usual. He makes it to the studio on a love soaked cloud and the rest of his day pales in comparison.
Their bed is perfect, large enough for each to have their own side and only occasionally bump into each other, opting to share an extra large cozy blanket that lets their feet entangle by the edge. It’s enough now just knowing their favorite person is within reach. The reassurance of a smile from across the pillow.
Juyeon wakes but let’s his eyes immediately close again, relishing in the warmth and comfort he’s burrowed in. He tosses his arm haphazardly across the sheets hoping to find purchase on some part of Chanhee’s body but instead his hand falls heavily onto a Hello Kitty pillow.
The faucet in the connected bathroom turns on, then off, the door that was left slightly ajar opens fully and Chanhee shuffles sleepily to the bed. The sheets rustle as he plops down onto Juyeon’s extended arm, wiggling close enough to press his nose to Juyeon’s neck eliciting a smile.
“Hi.” Juyeon whispers drowsily, his hand caressing the messiness of Chanhee’s hair. In return, he receives a grunt and a nudge to his neck. The whirring sounds of the ceiling fan fills the room as they lay in reverent silence. The steady rise and fall of Juyeon’s chest lulls Chanhee back to sleep and Juyeon follows shortly, his hand falling naturally onto the sheets.
When Chanhee wakes up the second time, one eye opens reluctantly to find Juyeon sitting up with his glasses on drinking coffee and watching TV. He shifts onto his back still completely buried in the blanket and catches the funny bickering of the two doctors in Hospital Playlist . Juyeon laughs softly to himself, repeating some of the lines and Chanhee finds it irrevocably endearing. He notices Chanhee is awake, carefully drops a close mouthed kiss to his lips and offers his mug to him. Chanhee scoots upwards until he can sip gracefully.
“Your dad said he wants to go to that barbecue restaurant that just opened by exit three.” Juyeon says, reaching out to brush Chanhee’s overgrown bangs from his eyes.
Chanhee eyes him curiously over their shared mug. “When did you talk to him?”
“He texted me earlier.”
“You were texting my dad?”
Juyeon breathes out a curt laugh. “Yes. We text occasionally.”
It’s not out of the ordinary but it takes Chanhee by surprise how close his boyfriend and his father are. Chanhee’s dad adores Juyeon almost as much as he does. They go on fishing trips and watch sports. Chanhee always feels lucky that they get along so well. One less thing to worry about, one more thing to love about Juyeon.
“You guys don’t send each other bad jokes and old memes do you?” Chanhee jokes while stretching his arms.
Juyeon stays tight-lipped for a second and takes the mug from Chanhee’s grasp. “Guilty.”
The giggles fall easily from Chanhee’s lips. “You old man. He definitely likes you better than me.”
“Don’t say that!” Juyeon scolds, but then with mirth swimming in his eyes says, “He loves us equally.”
Chanhee chokes on another giggle and lies back down. “What other things do you guys talk about?”
Juyeon settles next to him, leaning on his elbow and resting his head in his palm. “Important stuff.” He explains taking in the puffiness of Chanhee’s bloated lips. “Game highlights, his latest fishing catch. You.”
Chanhee’s hand snakes out from the blanket to hold Juyeon’s. “I’m as important as the fish, huh?”
“You’re our favorite topic.” Juyeon smiles adoringly. Chanhee sighs contentedly. “We should start getting ready.” He kisses Chanhee on the forehead and kicks the blanket off his legs. “Gotta look good for your dad.” He winks and Chanhee pulls the blanket over his head.
“Oh my god.”
The dead of winter can be brutally cold and icy. A fact well-known by all city dwellers, including Chanhee and Juyeon who have dedicated many years to the city life. Despite that common knowledge though, as well as the weather warnings advising to be cautious of black ice, Chanhee slips right in the middle of the sidewalk, four blocks away from the steakhouse they have a reservation at.
It happens so quickly; Chanhee’s fashionably not designer boot kicks into the air throwing his other foot off balance and then he’s crashing to the ground all in a span of five short seconds. Juyeon tries to grab hold of him but only manages to yank the warm mitten off Chanhee’s winter cold fingers.
In a complete daze of shock, pain, and confusion, Chanhee lies still on the sidewalk. People continue on their way around him paying little to no mind to the mittenless young man sprawled on a sheet of ice. Juyeon is instantly on his knees, cradling Chanhee’s upper body in his peacoat protected arms. With a faint, reluctant groan, Chanhee pulls slightly away from Juyeon’s chest. His eyes are only half open as he speaks in a miserably broken whisper.
“ Ah … Juyeon…” As the dutiful boyfriend that he is, Juyeon leans in worriedly. “Call 119… I- I think I broke my butt.”
The bubble of concern shatters the second an abrupt laugh erupts from Juyeon’s mouth, loud and unabashed, just inches from Chanhee’s sullen face. It’s the husky ha-ha-ha’s he saves for things that really tickle him. Chanhee whines pitifully in recognition.
“It’s not funny!” He scolds, but he’s smiling too despite the ache in his tailbone.
Juyeon carefully helps Chanhee to his feet and watches him for any signs of extreme pain. Suddenly remembering the useless mitten in his grasp, he rips the other mitten off Chanhee’s other hand and fitfully slams the awful things onto the icy sidewalk.
“Damn these mittens!” He yells, wholeheartedly bitter that he couldn’t come to Chanhee’s rescue. It’s silly and it amuses Chanhee but he still points at them frantically and wills Juyeon forward.
“Hey, hey! Pick those up. I still like them.”
Juyeon huffs, but fits them back over Chanhee’s hands.
Continuing their walk towards the restaurant, Chanhee locks his arm with Juyeon’s and tucks his other mittened hand securely around his bicep.
“That really hurt.” Chanhee admits humorously. He can joke about it now. “Let’s not tell this story to any of our friends, shall we?”
Juyeon breathes out a smile. “No promises there.” He nibbles on his bottom lip, and speaks again, but this time with an air of seriousness. “Be more careful, baby. I don’t need anything happening to you. I’m wholly uninterested in a life without you.”
In the frigid temperature of the winter, Chanhee melts. The fluttery, intoxicating feeling spreading in his chest escapes through a sappy, smitten sigh into Juyeon’s shoulder. Suddenly the pain in his butt doesn’t feel as bad.
“Excuse me.”
Juyeon turns his head the same time Chanhee looks up. A foot away from them on the bench stands a young woman, decently pretty in a cardigan with her hair in a bun. The waiting area of the subway is pretty vacant for 1PM so it's obvious whose attention she’s seeking; not to mention the way her determined eyes are locked on Juyeon.
“Yes?” Juyeon inquires, friendly customer service voice in use.
The woman looks pleased as he answers, enthused to be given the time of day. Chanhee’s face consciously falls into an expression of displeasure. “I think you’re really handsome. Can I have your number?”
Chanhee hardly bites back a scoff that alerts the woman of his existence. She eyes Chanhee as Juyeon knowingly smiles his perfectly charming smile and wraps a deliberate hand around Chanhee’s thigh.
“Happily spoken for, sorry.”
It’s evident that the woman is taken aback. Fortunately, she has the decency to appear apologetic. “Oh, I’m so sorry!”
Juyeon ensures her that it’s okay, waving a big nonchalant paw in the air while Chanhee busies himself giving her the stink eye which ultimately banishes the woman to the farther side of the track.
Chanhee deflates once she’s out of sight, sighing roughly through his nose. “What are you apologizing to her for?” He demands, thrusting a bony finger into Juyeon’s shoulder before pointing it at himself. “And what am I? Invisible? Two men sitting this close on a bench and you think we’re straight?!”
The agitated flush against Chanhee’s pale cheeks and the ruffle of his perfectly groomed eyebrows as he throws his mini fit only serves as entertainment for Juyeon who watches Chanhee with a sappy quirk of his lips.
“I love you, you know.” He declares, utterly fond of this man who flies into jealous rages for him. He leans forward for a quick peck.
“Yes! Let everyone know that you’re mine!” Chanhee hisses and Juyeon throws his head back in laughter. “I’m tired of these women hitting on you just because you’re a dreamboat. Like, I get it but you’re my dreamboat.”
Although flattered, Juyeon crosses his arms. “I'll remember you said this the next time some horny male approaches you at the bar.” He says with a raise of his eyebrows.
Chanhee’s scowl evaporates into thin air and his hand reaches to cover his condescending smile. “They’re harmless.” He voices dismissively, pulling Juyeon to his feet as the train announcement plays, signaling its arrival. “Plus, none of those clowns are you. I want a man with a good face and a good heart and that’s you.”
Juyeon is nothing but weak for compliments, even more so from Chanhee. A big pleased grin stretches across his features as he links hands with him. “You’re being very sweet to me today. Are you extorting me for money or something?”
“No, just your love and affection is fine. Besides, I know how much money is in the bank. I wouldn’t go flaunting that off if I were you.”
“Hey!”
Juyeon trails after Chanhee reluctantly, feeling like half his heart is going across town without him. He watches wordlessly as Chanhee toes on his Nikes and slides the hood of his sweater on.
“Bye,” Chanhee says, standing expectantly at the doorstep.
Juyeon silently holds his hand while looking anywhere but his face so Chanhee takes the hint and wraps his arms around Juyeon’s neck, kissing him softly.
“I don’t want you to leave.” Juyeon mourns, visibly saddened by Chanhee’s retreating form.
Chanhee smiles and makes a compromise that brightens Juyeon’s expression. “How about I’ll see you tomorrow?”
That night, Juyeon continuously finds Chanhee’s belongings all over his apartment and fondness trickles into his mind enough to decide that he wants to ask Chanhee to move in with him. Staring at the empty space beside him in bed he concludes that he does not want to spend another night without him laid by his side, waking up to his sleepy face, sharing evenings and toothpaste, bed sheets and coffee.
Despite the overwhelming desire to spend every moment with Chanhee, it takes Juyeon a few days longer to work up the courage to ask him. His nerves get the best of him every time a good opportunity arises.
They’re walking to the subway on a spring afternoon, swinging their hands, en route to the movie theater when Juyeon pops the question.
“Babe,” He starts after he’s inconspicuously dislodged the bundle of nerves in his throat. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
Juyeon attempts to organize his thoughts into words while keeping his hand from getting clammy. “Would you be opposed to a roommate?”
“A roommate?” Chanhee repeats. The disdain in his voice is evident. “Ew. I’m perfectly fine on my own. No need to share my home with anyone.”
Juyeon pales at his directness and anxiously gulps. Chanhee notices the tension that bleeds into their joined hands and squints his eyes at Juyeon who refuses to make eye contact.
“Unless that person is you.” Chanhee adds softly, reading Juyeon like an open book. Juyeon meets his gaze in amazement.
“I guess you can tell where I’m going with this?” He grins bashfully and ducks his head missing the amused yet adoring little smile that Chanhee gives him.
“I have an idea.”
“Move in with me.” Juyeon states plainly, simply and just as easily Chanhee happily hugs Juyeon’s waist.
“Okay.” He agrees and Juyeon’s heart flies out of its cage over and above their heads as Chanhee leans closer to his side.
“That was easier than I anticipated.” Juyeon admits.
Chanhee pinches his side. “Why would I say no?”
“I don’t know.” Juyeon says giving Chanhee’s forearm a squeeze. “You like your own space. You said it yourself.”
“Yeah,” Chanhee sighs. “But I like you more, so.”
Juyeon wraps his arm around Chanhee’s shoulder smiling like the luckiest man in the world. “If you move in with me you know I’m never letting you go, right?”
“That’s the plan.” Chanhee sing-songs, and for Juyeon there’s no better answer than that.
“I’m home!”
Chanhee hears the unlocking of the door before Juyeon’s voice carries through the foyer. Juyeon had sent him a text before departing the restaurant his coworkers had enjoyed dinner at so Chanhee anticipated his arrival, perched serenely on the living room couch with a poetry book in hand.
“I got you a cupcake.” Chanhee says in lieu of greeting as Juyeon drops a loving kiss to the top of his head and then moseys towards their kitchen. “It’s on the counter.”
The grin on Juyeon’s face only widens at the sweet gesture. “Aw, you did?”
“Yeah, I passed by a bakery and thought of you when I saw it, so I bought it.”
There on the counter as mentioned sits a plastic container housing a single jumbo vanilla cupcake. The frosting is dyed a vibrant red but it’s the words on top that make Juyeon clutch his chest in sentimentality. Written in cursive white piping is a very simple love you. It’s these random acts of kindness that help keep their relationship alive, like a small chunk of wood added into a flame to let the fire burn a little longer.
Feeling touched and most definitely loved, Juyeon takes the cupcake back to the couch and falls in beside Chanhee. He kisses his cheek tenderly and smiles, pressing an I love you more into the soft skin. He wastes no time devouring half the cupcake in one huge bite and then belatedly realizes he didn’t take a picture for posterity.
“That’s what you have me for,” Chanhee explains, presenting his quality (and already edited) photos of the cupcake. “I took it before you came.”
“We make a good team.” Juyeon mumbles through another bite. Chanhee turns to him with an endeared smile that quickly flips upside down when frosting is swiped across his bottom lip.
“Ah!” Chanhee flinches, furrowing his brows in annoyance but Juyeon brushes him off, laughing in his face and then wrapping an arm around Chanhee’s neck to bring their frosting coated lips together.
Juyeon crawls over to the corner of the couch and hovers closely for a second. Chanhee is enraptured by his book, rereading The Little Prince in all his childlike wonder as he does every year. His scent of baby lotion invades Juyeon’s senses as he leaves a proper kiss on Chanhee’s cheek- a pause, then plants his lips against the underside of his jaw, lingering enough to send a message.
Without conscious thought, Chanhee exhales. A minute reflex that has Juyeon grinning coyly and pressing his nose against Chanhee’s shoulder until the latter glances over giving him a look that borders amused. Juyeon’s face splits into that winningly brilliant smile that Chanhee helplessly mirrors.
A strong hand runs across Chanhee’s lower abdomen and back across like a fleeting, searing touch but Chanhee questions nothing because he already knows and he also wants. Only asks if he can finish the chapter, watching Juyeon’s gaze drop hungrily to his parted lips.
Juyeon concedes, understanding the importance that literature has in their lives, waiting patiently for the last page turn and for the bookmark to wedge into place before scooping Chanhee up in his arms- book and all, and taking a brisk, motivated walk to their bedroom. It’s Chanhee who reaches an arm out to shut the door, Juyeon who does not relinquish his hold until he’s hovered over him in bed and hot open mouthed kisses that take them into a heated night.
Chanhee barely gets Juyeon back home that night. Despite their similar heights, Juyeon is much, much heavier and whereas Chanhee is usually very vocal about his admiration for Juyeon’s muscles, tonight when he’s had to lug this handsome but drunken excuse of a man back home, there is not much to admire. A few (read: fourteen ) typo-filled texts had alerted Chanhee that the company happy hour had gotten a little too happy so out he went, playing his mandated role of designated escort.
“Chanhee look!” Juyeon slurs, pushing himself away from his grip on Chanhee’s shoulders. “I can walk now. L-look!” He staggers ahead and with each step his torso tilts further to the right.
“That’s great, love,” Chanhee huffs, slightly out of breath. “But our apartment is right here.”
It takes an eternity for Juyeon to turn around without making himself nauseous and when he does he immediately goes back to leaning on Chanhee. Chanhee slowly guides him through the apartment and once in their bedroom Juyeon heads straight for the bed.
“I don’t think so!” Chanhee objects, stopping Juyeon from getting even a foot near the bed by tugging at the back of his white button up. “You are not getting on the bed until you’ve cleaned up. Might I remind you how much you reek of alcohol and barbecued meat.”
He deposits Juyeon in the bathroom and keeps the door open as he retrieves a change of clothes for him. When he returns Juyeon is not only drunk but melancholic, slumped over on the toilet like a punished child in time out. He looks up at Chanhee with the saddest kitty eyes Chanhee has ever seen and brokenly whispers, “You don’t love me anymore?”
“What?”
“You don’t wanna sleep with me…”
It’s the most melodramatic Chanhee has ever seen Juyeon and he wishes he’d caught it on camera. He bites his lips to stifle a giggle. “What are you on about? Of course I love you.”
Juyeon looks away dissatisfied and sighs so deeply his shoulders hit his ears and it takes all of Chanhee’s will not to laugh at him. “Change your clothes and you can sleep on the bed.” He wills, caressing the back of Juyeon’s head.
“I’ll sleep here. I won’t bother you…” Juyeon mumbles unreasonably heartbroken sounding. Even in this intoxicated state he’s the same considerate, albeit silly, man Chanhee fell for.
“No, no, let’s undo your buttons.” Chanhee instructs like he’s guiding a five year old child. He undoes the buttons of Juyeon’s shirt quickly and yanks on a clean cotton t-shirt.
The vibrations of one of their phones on the nightstand calls Chanhee out of the bathroom so he leaves Juyeon with the effortless task of removing his pants. It’s a quick phone call but when he comes back Juyeon has already fallen asleep against the toilet bowl with his slacks pushed down to his knees. In this state, and without any help, there’s no way Chanhee can lift him onto their bed so he gives up and leaves him there. His boyfriend, a sad drunken man on the bathroom floor. A photo worthy occasion.
He does manage to lie Juyeon straight on his back, however, and props a pillow beneath his head. He finishes removing Juyeon’s slacks and the latter makes no indication of movement, as good as dead to the world. Slightly concerned, Chanhee sticks a finger beneath Juyeon’s nose to make sure he’s breathing before covering his boxer brief clad legs with a blanket and kissing his forehead goodnight.
Juyeon wakes up late the next morning with a terrible crick in his neck and the worst morning breath Chanhee has ever recalled and despite the crazy hangover, Juyeon doesn’t remember a thing.
It’s a normal Thursday at the end of a normal work week but Chanhee is eager to see Juyeon for no other reason besides the simple desire to be in his presence.
There’s one stop left before Chanhee gets off the train but the layer of fatigue that coated the last few hours of work starts to fade and anticipation settles in its place. The train is always crowded at this time and squeezing through the tight throng of people is usually a bit stressful but on this particular day Chanhee is lucky to be one of the first people onto the platform. Pausing for a second to readjust his cherry red beret through the reflection of his phone, a message chimes through and Chanhee’s eyes light up at Juyeon’s name.
He glides through the long underground hallways following his usual exit path but with more spring in his step. When he passes the sweet bread shop his eyes are already eagerly scanning the busy intersection for that familiar face; his most favorite face. Chanhee meets Juyeon’s gaze from across the way and never tires of the feeling of belonging; the familiarity that blooms within his chest, the way nothing else seems to matter once he’s by Juyeon’s side.
Chanhee jumps right into Juyeon’s awaiting arms, holding him close to his heart in hopes he’ll be made aware of how much he’s adored. Juyeon’s fingertips knead into Chanhee’s back lovingly and he chuckles, warm breath tickling the shell of Chanhee’s pierced ear.
“You missed me that much?” Juyeon teases but it’s no secret that he’s pleased to be received so happily.
“I just really wanted to see you.” Chanhee admits in a brief moment of tenderness. He pulls back just in time to catch the familiar gleam of endearment in Juyeon’s eyes.
Juyeon squeezes Chanhee’s middle and reaches for his hand. Although it’s rush hour and they reside in the center of the busiest city, despite the heavy people traffic and slight chill of the evening air, Chanhee finds himself positively beaming at Juyeon’s sweet request.
“How about we take the long way home today?”
“Hey, can we reschedule our dinner date for Wednesday instead of tomorrow?” Juyeon asks, entering their bedroom and leaning against the bathroom doorway.
Chanhee stops patting moisturizer into his skin and turns away from the mirror. “Why?” He questions dryly.
Juyeon grimaces. “Mrs. Park asked me to help her sort her garbage. You know it takes forever to help her.”
“Exactly. So why did you say yes if we had plans already?”
“It’s not easy saying no to them.” He explains in regards to all their older neighbors who’ve taken a liking to him and his acts of kindness.
“I don’t have trouble with it.” Chanhee deadpans.
“Yeah I know… Which is why they ask me instead.”
Chanhee glares at Juyeon and returns all his skincare items to their respective places. “Whatever.” He mutters conclusively and Juyeon doesn't continue, only silently gets his pajamas and closes the bathroom door behind him. When he comes out towel drying his hair, hoping to smooth things over with Chanhee the latter is already asleep, a frown marring his usually placid expression.
•••
Wednesday morning arrives and Juyeon wakes feeling groggy after staying late at work and then rushing over to sort Mrs. Park’s garbage. He gets ready for work in a tired haze failing to catch the concerned glances Chanhee sends him.
“So do you want to meet here, babe, or at the restaurant?” Chanhee asks, grabbing two umbrellas from the holder. The sky outside their window is mercilessly gray and ominous.
As if just remembering the dinner date that he himself had rescheduled, Juyeon halts and sucks in a sharp gasp. He runs a hand over his tired face and hikes his black boot on. “I told Mr. Kim I’d help him replace the lock to his bedroom door.” He mumbles knowing that he just stepped into a verbal minefield.
“Seriously?” Chanhee’s shoulders drop, dejected and increasingly irritated. “I even dressed up more for the occasion.” He frowns knowing Juyeon failed to notice.
Juyeon closes his eyes regretfully. “I know. I should have told you last night. I forgot. I’m sorry.”
“This isn’t the first or second time, Juyeon. You keep canceling on me. I’m starting to feel a little neglected.” Chanhee admits, words coming out harsher than expected.
“I’m not canceling.” Juyeon replies, eyebrows growing flat and serious. “We can go to dinner afterwards. It’s not like we haven’t been there a million times anyway.”
“We have a reservation booked, Juyeon. It’s not whenever we feel like showing up.” Chanhee finishes buttoning his jacket, grabs his bag and umbrella and walks right out the door. “I didn’t realize it was such a bother to you.”
Juyeon is a few jumbled steps behind him, locking the door and trying to catch up.
“I didn’t say it was a bother. Can we not make a big deal out of this, please? I’m just helping our neighbors. Forgive me for not letting you monopolize all my extra time, Chanhee.” He bites irritably, patience running thin at the clear use of Chanhee’s name instead of his usual term of endearment.
“Monopolize your time?” Chanhee repeats incredulously as he stomps out of their building. “I just want to have dinner with you, Juyeon! You’re always in a rush these days. Always tired. You’re not taking care of yourself. You don’t have time for me. You don’t have time for yourself but you sure do make everyone else your first priority.”
Having spent the entire short walk to the subway bickering they arrive at the intersection where they part ways and properly face each other.
“You are my number one priority, Chanhee.” Juyeon states fiercely, eyes narrowed in defense. “I can spare a few moments to lend a helping hand around the building. I can handle it. Rescheduling a few dinners won’t kill you.”
Chanhee tries to empathize. He knows how helpful and resourceful Juyeon is. He just doesn’t want to have to fight for his attention. Feeling misunderstood, he lets the disappointment seep through his eyes. “Just don’t show up then.” He says defeated and turns away.
“Chanhee, wait. Don’t-” Juyeon tries but Chanhee is fast and pulls himself out of reach before Juyeon can get a hold of him.
•••
Around lunch time, after spending most of the morning frustratedly running his hands through his hair with nothing but the image of Chanhee’s disappointed retreating form in his mind, Juyeon calls the restaurant to confirm their reservation only to be told that someone had called to cancel. Knowing very well who that someone is he dials Chanhee’s number. With every second that the line continues to ring Juyeon knows that Chanhee is choosing to let the call go to voicemail so he sends a text instead.
You canceled the reservation. We’re really not going?
The response comes immediately.
No.
Now completely irked, Juyeon takes a deep breath and is not surprised in the least when he doesn’t hear from Chanhee for the rest of the afternoon.
•••
Chanhee doesn’t arrive home from work until way past his usual time and he didn’t respond to any more calls or texts from Juyeon since lunchtime so he prepares himself for the awkward atmosphere that awaits inside their apartment. Juyeon is already in bed watching television so Chanhee quietly shuffles into their room to leave his bag and retrieves his pajamas all the while feeling Juyeon’s lingering stare.
The evening is spent in stubborn silence until Chanhee announces that he’s going to sleep on the couch. A few minutes after he’s made himself cozy Juyeon makes his entrance, pillow and blanket in hand.
“Move over. If you’re sleeping here then so am I.”
“There’s no space for the both of us, Juyeon.” Chanhee snaps, not moving an inch.
Juyeon jams his pillow next to Chanhee’s head and climbs over him. “Well I’m not sleeping without you so you better get used to this cramped arrangement.” He grumbles and forcefully settles in next to a grumpy, sleepy Chanhee.
“Move your leg!” Chanhee hisses, and turns on his side.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
They stubbornly sleep back to back that night.
•••
Chanhee’s attempts of focusing on the editorial piece he’s working on are in vain. The photographs spread out on his desk do nothing to distract him. That morning he and Juyeon had wordlessly gotten ready, orbiting one another like distant satellites and headed to the train offering meek goodbyes. There were occasional glances that hinted at a truce but neither one was able to cross the bridge. It was undoubtedly tense when Juyeon forgot for a second and almost leaned in for a kiss. It’s not the longest fight they’ve ever had but it has been a while since the last one so it leaves them both heavily unsettled.
A knock at the door from the new receptionist unpins Chanhee’s hardened gaze from his desk. “Chanhee, someone is here to see you.”
“To see me?” Chanhee’s eyebrows wrinkle in confusion. He isn’t expecting any clients. “Who is it?”
“Oh,” The receptionist hesitates. “I forgot to ask his name.”
Chanhee waves his hand at her. “It’s okay. I’ll come out.”
Before the receptionist walks out she pauses by the door. “He’s really handsome. Maybe he’s a model?”
That should have been enough for Chanhee to figure out who was there but he still opens his door and stops a few feet away, surprised at his unexpected visitor. “Juyeon.”
It’s insane the way any and all residual anger just melts away at the sound of Juyeon’s gentle voice.
“Hey baby. Can we talk?”
The receptionist who has been openly eyeing the interaction is visibly startled at the pet name. Chanhee makes a mental note to introduce Juyeon later. He nods and gestures towards his office. Juyeon thanks the receptionist with a small smile.
“I don’t want to fight anymore.” He says as soon as the door is closed behind him. He looks as weary and tired as Chanhee feels. “You were right. I was running myself thin and you got the short end of the stick.” He reaches for Chanhee’s hand, unfolding Chanhee’s crossed arms in the process and rubs his thumb along his knuckles. “I’m sorry.”
Chanhee reads the sincerity in his eyes and sighs. “It’s not a big deal to reschedule. I love that you're always willing to help everyone. I just don’t want you to burn yourself out. I know you’re a hotshot executive with a heart of gold who can’t say no but leave some time and energy for yourself. For us.”
Juyeon nods, a solemn acknowledgment of understanding. “I will. I got carried away, and I didn’t mean what I said. You don’t monopolize my time. You know I love being with you.”
“I know,” Chanhee replies and he does what he’s been wanting to do since the night before and pulls Juyeon into his embrace with a big relieved sigh. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to stress you out more. I was just upset.”
“It’s okay. Thank you for keeping me in check.” Juyeon smiles, better now that he’s not at odds with his other half. He pulls back enough to look at Chanhee. “But I do have to say, you know how to play dirty.”
Chanhee’s face scrunches up. “How did I play dirty?”
The corners of Juyeon’s eyes droop. “You made me sleep on the couch.”
“I didn’t make you do that!” Chanhee guffaws, eyes growing owl wide. “Just because I was sleeping on the couch didn’t mean you had to. You chose to do that all by yourself.” He says, shaking his head and waving away the false accusation.
“But you know I don’t like to sleep without you. I saw that as a threat!”
“How was that a threat? You’re being too sensitive, babe.”
“Fine.” Juyeon pouts and this time it’s really the finale of their long winded fight. “My back still hurts, though.”
Chanhee breaks into a grin, patting Juyeon’s back as he coos at his pain. “Do you need to go back to work now?”
Juyeon shakes his head. “Nope. I told my boss I needed the afternoon.” Gone is his innocent act as he squeezes Chanhee’s waist and maneuvers him onto his desk. “So I have some free time.” He says, ducking down so their lips graze.
“Yeah?” Chanhee breathes, teasing his hands up Juyeon’s torso before pushing him away. “Well I don’t. But we can do lunch?” He offers, rounding his desk as Juyeon watches his every step.
“I’m all yours.”
Just before the temperature gets too cold to bear, Juyeon proposes the idea of a picnic and immediately Chanhee is on board, eagerly choosing a film camera to take with them. They choose a perfect Saturday with a clear blue sky and just the right amount of fluffy white clouds.
Juyeon falls into complete relaxation with his head pillowed on Chanhee’s thigh, sprawled across an authentic red and white checkered picnic blanket as the click of Chanhee’s camera shutter goes off. His mind wanders to their trip to the supermarket yesterday during the pouring rain.
Chanhee stood beneath the neighborhood market storefront next to the crates of oranges fidgeting with their jumbo sized umbrella as the automatic doors slid open. Looking inside Juyeon could see the old lady cashiers eyeing Chanhee’s excessively baggy ripped pants with undisguised disapproval.
“I can’t get this damned thing closed! I swear-”
Juyeon swiftly came to his rescue before any more expletives could leave his mouth and earn him even more disdainful looks. “I got it, babe.”
Shuffling inside, they greeted the various sets of eyes on them with polite bows and disappeared into the aisles where they were no longer a rowdy spectacle to be seen.
Grocery shopping wasn’t the most magical event nor the most fun, but it was definitely a necessity. Chanhee had his list written on his phone whereas Juyeon kept a physical list written in his scraggly handwriting. Bananas, ramen, eggs, pork cutlets, instant rice, frozen dumplings. It was only when their arms were overcrowded with items that they decided they were in desperate need of a basket or two. After dumping the contents of their lists into their handy baskets they made their way down the snack aisle. Juyeon watched as Chanhee ever so casually fit a box of Juyeon’s favorite Binch cookies on top of the instant rice package.
“You know me so well.” He commented sweetly, bumping their shoulders together and the corner of Chanhee’s mouth quirked up subtly.
“Duh, we’ve been together for a few years.” He replied, and pausing for a second he looked off to the side and said, “Plus, I ate the last one so I had to replace it.”
Juyeon guffawed as he matched Chanhee’s quick steps away from him and stage whispered, “I knew it!”
Not for the first time or the last, Juyeon registers how beautiful it is to have such a surreal connection with another human being. To feel so completely at ease with someone. To think Wow, you’re the one for me even when doing the most mundane tasks like grocery shopping. It’s in the way they see right through each other and make the effort to understand one another even when they can be so different. How a nonchalant quirk of the lips is a hundred I love yous without any need for words shared.
Juyeon has loved others but not like this. He’s never been this in love. Not to this extent. His love for Chanhee is immeasurable. A longing deep within his bones.
It’s Chanhee that Juyeon blindly seeks out first thing in the morning. Chanhee who he pictures when he dreams about the future. Chanhee’s hand he holds when he starts to feel just a tad bit out of reach from Earth. Chanhee, whose affectionate smile turns Juyeon’s heart into silly putty, pliable and malleable so Chanhee can rearrange it any which way he pleases. They’re a set now, a pair; where there is a Chanhee, there will always be a Juyeon.
“What are you thinking about there, friend?” Chanhee wonders, tapping his finger to Juyeon’s forehead, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“Nothing much.” Juyeon murmurs although that’s far from the truth and Chanhee is probably more than aware of it. “I was thinking about growing a mustache.” The comical way Chanhee’s face cringes is answer enough. Juyeon grins toothily. “Is that a dealbreaker?”
“Truthfully?” Chanhee sighs and runs his knuckles against Juyeon’s jaw. “It’s not ideal but… it’s not a deal breaker. I can’t think of any deal breakers for you actually.”
“You would let me get away with murder, wouldn’t you?”
Chanhee shrugs and Juyeon finds the not so innocent raise of his eyebrows very cute. “I’d help you bury the body.”
“Wow.” Juyeon chuckles, feeling smug. “I’m that special?” He sits up and drops a palm on the other side of Chanhee’s lap, leaning in closely. The mischief in Chanhee’s gaze turns loving and even without his heartfelt response or the soft press of their lips afterwards Juyeon knows that his affections are one hundred percent reciprocated.
The rooftop is vacant again so Chanhee dashes up the flights of stairs with a pizza box clutched in both hands as Juyeon’s footsteps echo behind just as eagerly. It’s a competition, racing to the top, but when they burst through the door together into the tepid air of the summer night, winning stops being of any significance.
The moon appears small and distant, something to be hidden beneath Juyeon’s thumb as he holds his fist up to the sky and shuts one eye. Chanhee is the first to hungrily bite into a pizza slice. He hadn’t been tired enough to fall asleep so the hours had rolled by until his stomach growled and his bare feet led him to Juyeon who was readily entertained by an online game in the other room. He’d surprised Juyeon when he wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him close, mumbling a request for pizza through pouty lips, and Juyeon, of course, obliged.
“Thank you for the pizza.”
Juyeon swallows a gulp of beer and sets the can down. “You don’t have to thank me.” He replies in that warm tone of his that’s reserved for adorable tiny children and Chanhee only.
Chanhee says nothing, resting his elbow on the picnic table and folds another pizza slice in half. He hesitates for the briefest moment and then leans over, pressing a sweet kiss to Juyeon’s cheek.
When the beers are finished and there’s a bright flush across their cheeks that has nothing to do with the slight drop in temperature and they’ve stared up up, up into the midnight sky and failed to locate any stars, Juyeon asks,
“Do you remember how we accidentally met?”
Chanhee shakes his head in obvious disagreement and wags his index finger. “There are no accidental meetings between souls.” He quotes with the air of a respected philosopher.
Juyeon falls for it, swatting away a mosquito that’s taken interest in their pizza. “Who said that?”
“I don’t know.” Chanhee shrugs, closing the box. “I saw it on Pinterest.”
Juyeon snorts.
“What?” Chanhee cries, pivoting in his direction. “I found it very touching.”
“Yes, that’s very romantic, baby.”
Chanhee stares right through him. “I know you don’t mean that.” He says, narrowing his eyes and Juyeon genuinely hunches over with giggles.
“Okay, okay,” He breathes and squeezes Chanhee’s knee, getting back on topic. “So do you remember when our souls met on purpose?”
Chanhee sucks his teeth and rolls his eyes but nonetheless smiles at the memory. Sweet nostalgia washes over him. “When I walked out of the dressing room asking if my outfit looked good and it was only you there instead of my friend.”
Juyeon nods fondly. “That was the first time I ever saw you and I thought ‘Wow. Those are the most outrageously long legs I’ve ever seen in my life.’”
“They were high waisted jeans!” Chanhee interrupts, laughing. “And they looked great!”
“They did!” Juyeon agrees, chuckling alongside him. “You looked handsome regardless but my point is that-,” He fades off for a moment in search of the right words. “I’m glad that we met.” He finishes with the softest sincerity. “And I’m happy you’re here with me now.”
Chanhee’s eyes glitter with emotion and he feels the solid and steady pronounced beating of his heart. “Juyeon…” He whispers delicately and slides over to rest his head on Juyeon’s shoulder. “You’re my best friend, you know?” He says as Juyeon lays his head against his own, unknowingly flattening Chanhee’s bangs into his eyes. Chanhee smiles to himself and continues. “Besides being the love of my life. Not everyone gets to have what we have. To have this . We’re so lucky.”
“We are so lucky.” Juyeon casts his gaze over the sparkling Seoul skyline, his chest filling with gratitude and adoration and pure happiness. The city is a blur of neon lights before them. “What do you think you’d be doing if we hadn’t met?”
Chanhee lifts his head pensively. “I’ve never really thought about it.” He hums. “I’d probably still be working at the studio but unsuccessfully dating a bunch of random guys until I met you.”
Juyeon perks up at that and turns to Chanhee mildly surprised. “You think we’d still end up together?”
“Of course I do!” Chanhee stares blankly then raises an eyebrow. “You don’t?”
Juyeon’s eyes widen like he’s been caught saying the wrong thing and smiles nervously. “I didn’t say that. That’s- that’s not what I meant.”
“Okay,” Chanhee presses, petulantly crossing his arms. “What would you be doing then?”
“I like your answer. Let’s stick with that!” Juyeon backtracks, pulling at Chanhee’s arms to kiss him into forgiveness.
Chanhee playfully glares at him and points a rigid finger at him. “You’re on thin ice.”
“Yeah, yeah. You love me anyway.” Juyeon says, brushing him off with a relaxed grin. He cradles Chanhee’s cheek in the palm of his hand and thumbs lovingly at his cheekbone.
The world around them is still, noiseless after midnight like everyone has ceased to exist besides the two of them on that rooftop. Their presence to one another is like a lit up candle in a dark, cold room emitting light and warmth.
Juyeon sees this midnight hour as a bonus. A little extra time he gets to spend with Chanhee, laughing and kissing and reminiscing. They share serious moments mixed in with silly moments and it’s all the embodiment of their relationship. A promise to make each other happy until they no longer can. To share a pizza together at midnight on a sleepless night and wonder about the stars.
But if you tame me then we shall need each other. To me you will be unique in all the world. To you I shall be unique in all the world.