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Did anyone ever wonder how many calories an amoeba has? I know the answer, which is about 5.2 calories per 1 gram. Surprisingly enough, I didn't find any straight answer on the pirated infodump that Stratt had sent along with the Hail Mary, so I had to do a few tests.
I had all the equipment I needed to make the tests. Since calorie is a unit of energy, (well calorie is the amount of energy needed to raise the temperature of 1 kilogram of water 1 degree Celsius. ) all I had to do was place the sample in a sealed container surrounded by water and heat it until it burned off. Then record the temperature rising in the water to determine the calorie the sample had. Then, the good scientist I am, I repeated the process 3 times to reduce any mistakes I might have made and got our final result which is 5.2 calories in a single gram of sample. I need to eat 396.3 grams of engine fuel killers day by day to stay alive. And that’s just the absolute minimum.
Rocky found the tests unnecessary, which I can't blame him for. We have more Taumobea to be enough for years, even after arriving to Erid. But if you had to eat that slimy disgusting creature every day, you would also count the absolute least amount you must eat.
I made the first taste test even before I switched the coma juice to see how bad it was. And oh boy was it disgusting. Our taste evolved so we wouldn't kill ourselves that easily with poisonous berries, or other harmful food. You take a bite, realize that it's horrible, and spit it out. Easy. If you're lucky you survive. So at the first Taumoeba taste, my survival instincts kicked in and I immediately spat it back, while my brain screamed at me to not eat that ever again. If you think mixing it with the coma juice would help a little bit you would be 100% wrong. As horrible that liquid as it is, the Taumoeba made it a thousand times worse. So I slowly started drifting to my horrible fate, knowing I will eventually have to switch to that.
Which brings me here, trying to figure out my necessary Taumoeba intake. 400 grams might not seem too much, but remember how I couldn't even eat one spoonful of those? Imagine slurping up a whole bowl of black-ish horrible-smelling slimy goo. Not exactly my dream.
To my demise, I also had a strict mothery creature on board, so I couldn't easily skip my meals. He even decided to supervise me eating, which is a big thing coming from an Eridian. I’m not saying he was completely comfortable in the situation, but when he realized I haven’t eaten for 2 days straight, he actually annoyed me into bringing my bowl of Taumoeba soup in front of him, and he wouldn’t let me do anything else until I ate my 400 grams.
“Eat it.” Rocky chimed at me for the thousandth time today. If something I learned about Eridians is that, they are extremely patient. Well, at least Rocky is. However, my stubbornness seemed to get to him, because his voice started to get faster and faster each time said it.
“I will. don’t worry. You can get back to your work. You really don’t need to supervise me.” I say while poking my main course for today with my improvised spoon. We’re a little bit more than 1 month away from Erid… Maybe I can survive that long without eating...
“No. You do not eat for long time. You act like big kid.”
I roll my eyes at him. “You try eating a horrible smelling and tasting dead microorganism,” I say, but I know he is right. I do act like a ‘Big kid’. But he is taking these things like ‘taste’ lightly. I wouldn’t complain either if the smell of rotting cells didn’t hit my note each time I raised the spoon to my mouth.
“It is food. Help you stay alive. We get to Erid, Erid will find what other you can eat. Now eat.” He points to my bowl with one of his claws and waits for my response, ready to answer any of my worries.
Even though I find it extremely unlikely that Eridians would find a replacement for anything edible for me, It sounds better than eating Taumoeba soup for the rest of my life. What I wouldn’t give for a nice hamburger right now… With melting cheese… And onions...
“Grace, question? You okay, question?”
Seems like I zoned out for a bit, dreaming about hamburgers. And I've been starving for only 2 days. It would just get worse as time goes by. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I waved it off and lifted my bowl. "Here goes nothing," I say as I put down the spoon, and raise the bowl to my mouth. My tactic is to get over it as soon as possible, but even dead, the amoeba has other plans. As I took the first gulp, a nice amount stuck to my tonsil, which did its job and initiated my gag reflex. Not only didn't let any more 'food' down but also was on its way to send the previous portion back to the sender.
I managed to keep a tiny amount down, but the one stuck in my mouth had to go. So I spat it out on the floor, having no other option. I should have thought about it sooner and brought an empty container with me in case this happened.
As I take a glance at Rocky I see that he lowered his shell, which I take as most likely discomfort. He also whirred something like ‘humans ♩♫♫♩’ which I decode as humans are disgusting or something along that line. Except I have a fair knowledge of the Eridian language by now, so if something new comes up, that’s because Rocky kept it away from me, most likely to be able to curse me without offending me. Knowing very well he didn't mean to ‘say’ it out loud, I decided to tease him a bit.
“That’s not a nice thing to say.” I cough as I try to make the horrible aftertaste disappear.
For a second, Rocky stiffens up, then lowers his case even more. “You understood what I say, question?”
“Well, not that hard to understand. So yes. Every bit of it.”
Hesitating a bit, he tapped two of his legs together a few times. “I apologize, Grace I did not mean humans ♩♫♫♩. I mean humans… unique.”
“Of course you do, pal.” I chuckle then look at the mess on the floor. "I'll deal with it later. I should slurp up my food first."
Hesitating a bit Rocky asked, "You will vomit up again, question?"
"I didn't vomit it…" I start but let it pass. From the Eridian point of view, probably both are the same and hard to look at. "Look. I promise I will eat my portion by the end of the day, alright? You don't need to watch me struggle.
"You sure, question?"
Well well well looks like all I had to do is spit back my food for my foster mother to leave me alone. I'll try not to live back with my power and actually eat a bit. "Yes, I am sure. But thank you for your help. It means a lot."
He leaves without saying anything else. It’s basically the eridian way of saying ‘I believe you.’ by not pushing the question any further. I take a look at my still full bowl, and sigh. Let's give this another try.
In the next hour, I make my goal to eat at least half of it. If the all at once strategy doesn't work, I guess I need to return to the spoon by spoon technique. However It doesn’t matter how hard I try, barely half of it disappears in my mouth and my hand just refuses to cooperate any further. Shiver constantly runs through my spine after each spoon of Taumoeba, not to talk about the urge to vomit it all up.
“I need some distraction.” I say and put the bowl on the table.
I turn on the computer and scroll through the available movies I could watch to get my mind off things. Thanks to Stratt I have quite the collection here. I finally end up on a sci-fi movie. A crew sent to mars needs to abort their mission and accidentally leave their botanist behind on the red planet, thinking he died.
Ehh sure. I shrug and make myself comfortable. I reluctantly pick up my bowl and the smell hits my nose again. Just like popcorn… Rotting popcorn…
I’m wondering if I should call Rocky here too. He is more than interested in our solar system, and the movie might contain something interesting about Mars. In the end I decided to watch it alone. I plan on eating during the movie so if it’s interesting, I’ll watch it with him too, when I don’t do any ‘disgusting’ activities in the meantime.
I finally press start, and let myself sink in the movie.
It shows the protagonist's struggle to stay alive until the rescue comes. He makes contact with NASA, (After a bit of struggle of course) and after that, the whole space agency starts working on bringing him back. ‘Chh… Lucker’ mutter to myself, followed by a chuckle.
The supplies won’t last long though, so he has to come up with something. Get this: He grows potatoes on Mars! And he complains! I would gladly give him days of my Taumoeba ratio, for just one sloppy potato.
During the film I slowly manage to force down every last bit, and only a small amount stays in the bowl. Don’t expect me to lick it clean. Whatever stays there, stays there. I’m proud of myself to get down this much. I already feel a bit sick anyways, but my will keeps everything down. I won’t waste hours of my work just to start over. There is no way I would go through this again today.
Finishing the movie, I see the guy meets his crew again after 400 sol (Because the days on mars are longer, so they use sol for martian days) He gets saved and everyone's happy and… Am I crying?
I wipe away the tears, but more come, eventually soaking my eyes, unable to swipe it away properly. Sure it was a happy ending, but come on, it wasn't THAT emotional story. The guy almost dies, whatever could go wrong goes wrong, but in the end, all works out. He goes home and… I suddenly find it hard to breathe.
So that is my problem. In this movie, everyone worked hard to bring back one guy. Here, I don't have the privilege to go home. Sure I'm a little bit further from Earth than Mars, so humanity and Nasa can't afford to bring me back until they restore the sun's original light. And by then I would be long dead anyway. Plus I was the one who chose to help Rocky rather than going home.
I focused on surviving for so long, that the fact that I won't go home didn't even cross my mind until now. Sure, I knew this when I made my decision, but the gravity of the situation only sunk in now. The Martian guy had hope he would see Earth again but what do I have?
The credits of the movie are long gone and the screen went black. I'm sitting in utter silence with my thoughts. Suddenly a voice snaps me out of my melancholy.
"Grace, your face is leaking. What is matter, question?"
I forgot I wasn't alone. I make a pathetic try of swiping away my sadness and put on a smile, which immediately disappears, as soon as I try to talk.
When I open my mouth everything comes to the surface. Months, maybe even years suppressed sadness suddenly makes its appearance.
"Grace, talk! I can help, question?"
"It's okay," I say but my voice betrays me and cracks at the end. "I'm sorry."
Rocky just 'waved' with one of his legs, signaling he doesn't believe me. He does these human gestures more and more often which I find quite amusing and I even let out a smaller chuckle
'Be not sorry. How I can help, question?"
As he was standing there, worried about me, it hit me. The martian guy had hope. I have company. Well, some little alien company, but that’s still better than being alone on a whole planet that constantly tries to kill you. So in a way, I suppose I’m luckier.
“It’s alright. You already helped.” I give a genuine smile as I wonder if Watney would have driven Rocky insane within a few weeks. “I have a movie I would like to show you.”