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Yoongi watches them. He always does. As the only beta in his pack. It’s his duty. His duty to take care of their needs. Nullify the conflicts. Advice them. Hold on to the overwhelming situations.
He watches as SeokJin’s ears turn red. Gives the Omega an appreciative pat. Praises him. Supports him.
He watches Namjoon being lost in his own mind. Remind the pack Alpha to come back. Listens to his rambles. Takes care he doesn’t wander too far. Drives him to several places.
He watches Hoseok dance a bit too hard. In his eyes the alpha is perfect. Gives his massages. Makes sure he rests.
He watches Jimin’s smile dim. Makes the Omega smile again. From time to time, he listens to him too. Makes sure he isn’t pushing too hard.
He watches Taehyung submerged in silence. Sits beside their sweetest Omega. Cooks for him. Make sure he eats.
He watches Jungkook trying. Proving himself to be the best Alpha. Competing with everything. Makes sure he is good too.
He watches them with eachother. The Alphas and Omegas sharing secretive gazes. Suggestive enough for Yoongi to know. He had never indulged in those though. He did take care of their heats and ruts but not in that way. A part of him knew he was welcomed inside, still a part of him was waiting for an invitation. He wanted to. Wanted really really bad. Wanted to see them undress and touch them. Kiss them at places he could only think of.
But he was a beta. He was supposed to take care. He was here to take care. In this world his inclusion in the pack was breaking too many boundaries. He can't push it, can't push them.
So, he smiled, a melancholic smile. Always told them he is fine. He is doing great. Always brushed off their concerns. Even if he is being devoured by his own demons.
As a beta it’s his duty to be the supporting pillar. Not the one being supported. To give. Not to ask.
Sometimes he wished they knew, the exact same way he had the knowledge. Betas have faint smell, difficult to be distinguished as per their moods. He wished they could smell him. Like he could smell them. Wish they knew he wasn’t fine. Haven’t been fine since a very long time. That they knew, sometimes his smile isn’t real. Wished to be stopped when he was slipping in the darkest corners.
Wishes are too easy to have, but too difficult to be fulfilled.
He wasn’t good at physical touch. Could never initiate it. Neither giving nor receiving. Couldn’t hug like Taehyung. The Omega draped himself to whoever he wanted. Whenever he wanted. Yoongi wanted to though. Wanted to drape himself on his packmates. Wanted it to be an unusual, mundane occurrence. As habitual as eating. But his eating habits were as bad as his skinship.
He couldn’t remember the last time he talked about his problems. Whined, like Jimin did with his choreography. About the beats that wouldn’t set. Lyrics that were missing. Sometimes he did whine. It slips out when his mind is filled to the brim. Unable to keep it all in. He whined quietly in his bedroom. To his equipments. Almost to his mates.
He didn’t want any more problems. What if he tells them and they had to struggle more? They were struggling because of him enough as it is.
And their beginning had been a nightmare of stares and slurs. Joon had to change labels, Jin lost some dramas, Tae was almost taken out of a Gucci fashion show. Hoseok had snapped at his dancing crew for straight a week. He only stopped when he was about to yell at Jimin. And Jungkook, their youngest was still unprecedented. He still had to hear rude comments, his calibre was judged and videos rejected.
And now, now they were getting a stable ground. They were proving themselves. Yoongi can’t fuck up now. They were finally happy.
He can’t throw another ball. They had enough to deal with. So he sucked it all up. Locked it inside a box. And smiled at them. Their happiness making his heart warm after the coldest of nights.
It would have been nice if they slept with him sometimes too. But then Yoongi had a fucked up sleeping schedule. He rarely slept in his room. His cold, unwelcoming room being one reason. And producing other reason.
Yoongi sighs. Staring at his computer. He wasn’t able to come up with another track for a while now. The rookie group was soon to debut.
But he should go home now. Engulf himself in their scents. He needed it. Needed them to stop his overdrive. His eyes were dropping with exhaustion.
He opened the door to an empty apartment. Their scents engulfing him. But the silence was eerie. He stepped inside. Took out his phone. Their gc was full of chats, they were all out. To a movie apparently. Jungkook was whining for a while. He had whined to Yoongi too.
Yoongi did remember them making vague plans. But he thought, he thought they will ask him at least once. Maybe inform him. He knew he was awfully busy these days but a heads up could have been good. He could have slept in his studio. He sighs. Walking inside.
The Omega’s rooms were wide open. Clothes dumped on the bed. He could smell their excitement. His sense of smell was low as compared to them. But he could still differentiate. It was easy to understand his mates.
He stopped there. Wanting to sleep, engulfed in their mingled scent. Maybe take their clothes. For comfort. But that’s what Omegas did. And he was a beta.
Still he hovered there. For a long time. Enough to re-remember their scent. Then without any further adues. Detached himself and went to sleep. In his scentless, cold bed.
He woke up with a headache. Could hear muffled conversations outside. It was nine am. He needed to hurry for his appointment.
“Yoongi eat before you leave.” Jin called him.
He sighed. Making his way for the breakfast. Taehyung was clinging to Namjoon. Hoseok helping Jin in plating the breakfast. Jungkook and Jimin were on the couch. Having some conversation. Stuff Yoongi didn’t understand. And they were quite..busy with eachother.
He gulped down another lump. Last some days were exhausting. His anxiety has peaked at a new found height. He had double guessed every work. He had fretted over album tracks. Even tried to readjust his equipments. Nothing worked. Everything was so unsettling. He knew he needed to talk. To let out atleast a small part of it all. But it was a weekday, he had work, they all had work. And they seemed to be happy, content. Yoongi can't just burden them with his heavy black box shit.
He knew he was getting all worked up. Today he had to start recording with a big company’s group. That company always gave him a headache. Sometimes it was hard to be an independent producer. Add the sub-gender of beta in it and it's hell.
“Hyung your rice will get cold.” Jungkook nudged him. Sitting beside him.
He wanted nothing else to get closer. To warm his cold hands. Maybe scent him. Yoongi took a long breath. Fisting his hand. He needed to get a grip on himself.
He shoved rice in his mouth. Listing to his mates talk. Ramble and whine about their work. They were all so comfortable. Familiar around each other. Jimin was gently massaging Hoseok’s shoulder. They moved with ease. Jin’s eyes observing Namjoon behind a very breakable vase. Jungkook scenting Taehyung. They knew eachother unlike Yoongi.
And that was okay, most of the time. Just not at the moment.
At times like these, he was invisible. Felt invisible. As if they were well off without him. He knew they cared about him. He knew he was wanted. But can’t help that thought. They were so good with eachother. They never needed his help. A beta's help. The only role he had in the pack.
He pinched his thigh. Shaking those thoughts off. He had a whole day ahead of him. A long, exhausting one. In his haste in forgot his packed lunch on the counter. It wasn't until midnight that he ate that day.
--------------+++---
The rookie group was huddled inside his studio. Practicing their parts. Yoongi had headphones on. Not really listening to anything.
He was waiting for these kids to start recording. His notepad open before him. He was skimming through some old ideas.
“Hey, look he posted.” One of the boy (if he remembers correctly SooBin) gasped. After staring at his phone for a while.
“Kim SeokJin is the perfect Omega.” Huening Kai, sighed.
Yoongi suppressed a small smile. Ofcourse he was the perfect Omega. He was their Omega.
“And Kim Namjoon the best leader.”Beomgyu beamed.
“Yeah, he is my role model.” Yeonjun high-fived him.
As he should be. Yoongi took pride. His mates were invincible. It was difficult to not praise them.
“Whole of the pack is perfect.” Taehyun, stated. And there it is.
“Yeah the perfect six.” The youngest dreamily let out.
Yoongi shoke his head. About to correct him.
“No there’s seven of them.” Taehyun smacked his head lightly.
“Oh really?” He exclaimed. “I never saw the seventh one.”
“Yeah I heard he’s a beta.” SooBin whispered.
Yoongi frowned.
“Oh, do you think maybe-“ Yeonjun lowered his voice. “-they are ashamed of him. You know being a beta? Those six are together all the time.”
“Yeah, last night someone saw six of them at the movies.” Beomgyu showed them another post.
Yoongi’s throat clogged up. He bit his lip. This wasn’t true. His mates weren’t ashamed of him. They didn't want to disturb him. He was just-
“Let’s not assume. He could be a reserved person or a busy one.” Yeonjun scolded the group.
Yeah, he was. That’s why they didn’t really ask him about outings. And he was busy. Right? His hands were itching to pinch himself again. He resisted. For now.
“Come on, let’s start recording” he declared.
---------------------+++----
It had been a week. His head had been pounding. A drummer practicing in his head. Couldn’t remember the last time he had a proper meal. Time was slipping out on him. Memories over analysed. He couldn't decipher which part was real, which made up. Which were happy, which sad. Was he still being wanted or not?
Yesterday, he had flinched at Taehyung’s touch. They were watching a movie. Yoongi had been sitting alone on the second couch. He was too deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice him coming. Sudden warmth had startled him. <\br> Later at night, couldn’t remember the details about Jimin’s vitamins. The movie night had been awkward. He felt like an outsider. Barging inside his own pack. He didn’t know what to say or what to do. Not unless he was addressed directly. At that time too he was too spaced out to answer more than two words.
“Good morning, Yoongi.” Jin had greeted him. He had cringed at the underlying formality. Had it been always like that?
Yoongi sat on his usual seat. Taehyung squirmed beside him. Getting close to Hoseok. And his scent, it was distressed. Does he not want Yoongi beside him? Yoongi really had fucked up. He didn’t want to flinch. Really didn’t. But all that awkwardness. That emptiness had got him. And when Taehyung touched him. It felt like warm air in piercing cold. And it startled him. To his core.
Namjoon had smiled at him. His dimples lost. Yoongi had managed to fuck up. Ofcourse their pack leader has seen his actions. He wasn’t being a good beta. Wasn’t taking care of his mates like he should.
He looked around himself. No one was talking. Eerie silence enveloped their usually loud table. Hoseok was scenting Taehyung. Jungkook’s hand was wrapped around SeokJin’s on the table. And Jimin and Namjoon kept exchanging worried glances. The distressed scent of his mates was heavy in the air. Surrounding him,it was suffocating.
He felt like puking out the entire one bite he had. He stood up. Vision blur, black spots dancing in front of him, at the sudden movement. Everyone blinked at him.
“I’ll just eat in the building. It’s late.” And he was sprinting out. Before anyone else could say anything.
---------------------------+++-------
His day was a living hell. All he wanted was to close his eyes. And sleep. But the morning still haunted him. Their bitter scents still lingered. He had made them sad. Yoongi's inner beta was desperate, trying to come up with ways to do it right. To make his mates happy again. He could talk to them today. Tell them it's just work stress. He was finishing with the debut album anyways.
“See they are out again.” It was that rookie group again. SooBin bounced at his place. Shoving his phone at their faces.
Yoongi tilted his head. Trying to get a better look. There was a news article. With six of his mates.
“Show me” The kid hesitantly handed over his phone.
Yoongi clicked open the article. With every line he read. His heart sank a bit more. His six mates were out, Grocery shopping. But it was Monday. And Mondays were busiest for all of them. The photo was them holding hands. Similing at eachother. They looked happy together. Especially when he wasn’t around. Maybe they weren't bothered at all. It was just Yoongi. Maybe it was because he was around. Was his presence making them sad to that extent?
He gulped giving the phone back. A hollow swirl filled his abdomen.
--------------------+++----
He could barely open his eyes when he entered inside the apartment. His headache was worse. He did take medicines. But it only lasted a few hours. He was hoping to sleep it off for today.
He could hear the bustle in the kitchen. Their scents prominent in the apartment. He took a long, deep breath. For a second the was warm. Warm until he saw them smiling and giggling together. Without him.
“Yoongi hyung” Jimin yelled, suprised. Making everyone pause. There was a silence long enough for him to notice. To squirm in their gazes.
Yoongi had been bad with eye contacts. But right now, he can’t bear to look at them. What if they were disappointed he was home? What if they weren’t expecting him home today? Like they didn’t expect him in their outings.
His breath hitched. He scratched his neck. Mumbling “I’ll change and come.”
A part of him knew he was thinking too much. Maybe it was just the exhaustion. But he just wanted to be near them. He wanted to touch them. Without hesitation. And he too wanted to be touched. To be included. But he can’t. Betas can’t do that. Can't have more than they deserve.
So he washed his face. Tried to wash all that longing along with it. Then puts up a smile. A tight one. Enough to indicate he was ok. And he sat for dinner.
This time SeokJin was beside him. Everyone else is in their usual seats. It’s weird sitting beside him. SeokJin tends to fill up the next person’s plate. He hesitated doing it for him.
Yoongi pinched his thigh. Eating all the food. It tasted like heaven. Especially after living his whole day on coffee and anxiety.
“Hyung how’s the food?” Jungkook asked, his eyes hopeful. It took Yoongi a moment to realize he was talking to him. Yoongi gaped at him.
“Y-yeah it’s delicious.” He stuttered out blinking out of his haze.
“Which is better? Lamb or Beef?” He excitedly asked.
Yoongi blinked on the table. He didn’t know there were two kinds. He just ate whatever he got on his chopsticks.
“Lamb.” Because Jungkook loves lamb.
“See Jimin hyung I told you he will like lamb better.” Jimin showed him his tongue. Taehyung giggled beside him.
“That’s not what I said.” Jimin whined.
“Lier.” Jungkook teased him.
And soon they were narrating a whole story about their day. Tiny details of how Tae saw the biggest banana ever. How Jungkook and Jimin had fought over meat. Namjoon almost broke an aisle. Jin hyung and Hoseok had to drag them all out, before anyone kicks them out.
Yoongi watches them smiling at the memory. Watches them as they forget him in their bickering. He watches them. And he hears the voice again. Booming inside his head. His headache had increased. And his beta whined for some rest. Clearly tired of him too. His mind still screamed. He was unwanted. They wanted to leave him. They will leave him. But he can’t live without them. He don’t want to live without them. Please don’t leave. He started chanting. Please don’t leave. Can’t do this alone.
“I can’t do this.” He whispered to himself.
He thought no one could hear in the loud bickering. But he was wrong. Like he is always wrong about so many things.
“What do you mean?” Jin furrowed his brows.
“I- nothing hyung.” He stood up. Trying to smile. They were all blinking at him. Confusion painting their faces.
“Yoongi” Jin touched his arm. Trying to calm him down. Yoongi flinched. Distancing himself.
Jin blinked at him, his hand still half raised, dejected.
Tears ran down his eyes. Breathing became harder. His hands clammy. He didn’t want an attack now. Not in front of them. Not when they didn’t want him. They all rushed towards him.
“Hyung you know you can tell us right?” Hoseok asked, stepping closer. Yoongi unconsciously took a step back. All their scents soured. Now Yoongi was successful in upsetting everyone.
“I told you it’s nothing.” He choked out.
“Okay? How about we let you get a little rest for now? Then we can talk later?” Namjoon came closer, hands outstretched.
“No you don’t understand.” He sniffed, voice breaking.
“Then make us understand hyung, please?” Jimin said. Holding tight on a distressed Tae. Jungkook looked near tears.
Yoongi’s tried breathing. Tried to regulate his thoughts. It was as if he was catching a running train. Too fast, everything was too fast. It’s now or never. He gulped, trying to hold on. But it was of no use.
“I can’t do this anymore. It’s- it’s too empty too dark. I can’t see myself anymore. Can’t see you all.” More tears slipped down. “I am trying so hard to be a good mate. A good beta. And I have been doing fine. But recently it’s getting hard. I can’t bear sleeping in that scentless, cold room. I want to touch you all but I can’t. I really do want to be closer. But I can’t do that either.”
“Hyun-“ Jungkook voice broke. But Yoongi can’t stop himself now.
“I know I’m a beta. And maybe you are ashamed of me being a beta.” He heard gasps. “But I want to be included too, when you go on outings. For movies or for grocery shopping. I- I feel invisible here. I feel like I’m invading my own mates. No touch, no scent, no purpose. If you don’t want me please say it, I can’t do this anymore. Please. Can’t live with this emptiness, without you all near me.”
He was sobbing on the floor. Vision blurry. Headache fading. His breathing was heavy. His eyes closed with exhaustion. He knew someone was supporting his back, their calming phermones surrounding him.
-------------------++++----
Yoongi’s throat was dry. His head aching. He was hot. Too hot in a long while. He opened his eyes. He was tucked in between Jin and Jungkook. Namjoon’s hand was on his waist, behind Jungkook. Taehyung was on top of Jin, his hand on Yoongi’s chest. Hoseok was holding on to Jimin. Their hands on his hair.
They were all sleeping. Yoongi’s eyes were throbbing. Still moist. All his mates were with him, on his scentless bed.
“Morning.” Jin mumbled. His voice reverberating in his chest. One tear slipped down. And Jin sat up panicked. Almost knocking Taehyung off him. Tae grumbled sitting up. Rubbing his eyes. Namjoon was up blinking at them.
“Hey, Yoongi, we are all here. Talk to me baby” Jin cupped his face. Gently wiping off the tears.
Yoongi wanted to say something. Assure them he was okay. But all he could manage was a strangled sob. Waking the rest of his mates. He didn’t know when it all got too much. Didn't know when he slipped that deep.
They snuggled close to him. Without asking anything. Jin kept murmuring in his ears.
---------+++------
“Yoongi.” Jin nudged him. It was a weekday. Yoongi probably had a lot to do. They all had. But they all applied for a leave. They were sitting in the living room, after having their brunch together. No one had asked him about his outburst.
He was sitting squished between Jin and Hoseok. Taehyung and Jimin were right in front of him. And Jungkook was clinging on to Namjoon.
Yoongi gulped, he really didn’t want to bother them. A bit embarrassed by his outburst. They shouldn't have bothered with disturbing their schedules.
“Hyung, take all the time you need, we are here. Okay?” Namjoon uttered in the softest of voice. Yoongi nodded before he told them every thing. His cheeks red as he narrated his deepest of thoughts.
And they listened. Somewhere in between, Taehyung started crying. Hugging Yoongi close.
“I’ll never leave you alone, I promise. I’m sorry Hyung I should have known.” He sobbed. Yoongi patted his back. Told everyone it wasn’t their fault.
“Hyung-“ Namjoon had whispered. Cupping his face. “You know we are not traditional right? You know you are our most priced possession right?”
Yoongi gaped at him. Priced possession was an exaggeration.
“Hyung, don’t let your mind wander to that ugly thought ever.” Jimin said sitting beside Namjoon. “And whenever it does promise me, you will talk to us.” He extended his small pinkie.
“We will tell you we love you everyday.” Hoseok caressed his hand. Tae snuggled closer. Draping himself like a Koala. “And you can never escape my arms.” He mumbled.
But Yoongi didn’t want to be a burden. He didn’t want them to go extra miles to incorporate him. He just wanted a little acknowledgement. Not, not this whole adjustment.
“Yoongi hyung, never call yourself a burden.” Jeongguk pouted. Did Yoongi just said it out loud?
“And we are not putting extra efforts or doing unnecessary adjustments baby.” Jin came in front of him too. Namjoon shifted to give him space. A part of him was giddy, Jin called him baby too. Was he aware of it though? Yoongi looked at the smiling Omega. Maybe he did know.
“We are doing what is needed. What we should have done long back. We thought we were giving you your personal space baby.” Jin continued, his scent spiked with guilt and regret. Accompanied by more guilt from his mates.
“No hyung, it’s not…let’s not regret. From now on I promise to communicate. Okay?” Yoongi smiled at Jimin, joining their pinkies.
“And we promise to never let you go hyung.” Tae snuggled in his neck.
Yoongi chuckled. “But I’m really hot right now Tae I could use some fresh air.”
“That’s your problem.” He huffed.
---------------------------+++--------
Yoongi watches them. He always does. As the only beta in his pack. It’s his duty. His duty to take care of their needs. Nullify the conflicts. Advice them. Hold on to the overwhelming situations.
And this time, they are close to him. Closer than he ever wanted. It took time. But they learned. It was hard for him to tell them. His instincts telling him to take care, to not lean on them. With time it got easier. His beta seemed to be more at ease.
Yoongi had the same rookie group cooped up inside his studio. It was almost a year, they weren't rookies now. He was producing their single this time. The company was quite impressed with the previous hit.
Yoongi had SooBin inside for the recording. Other’s were having shushed conversation.
It had been a busy week for him. He just wanted to sleep, squished between his pack. Too warm, too content to wake up.
His phone rang, he ignored it. For the sake of one peaceful recording.
Yoongi huffed, it’s been like that ever since that day. One of his mates visit him everyday. Usually during his lunch times. Sometimes they took him outside for lunch. Twice a week he was dragged out from his studio at midnights.
Namjoon asks him for evening walks. Makes sure to ask about his day. Jin cooks with him more often. Feeds him with anything he could.
Jimin is the one dragging him out of his studio. Sometimes he scolds him like he did to Jeongguk. Hoseok share his face packs with him. They see awful videos and try not to laugh.
Taehyung really hadn’t let him go. He is as clingy with him as he was with others. Jeongguk made sure to scent him aggressively everyday. They had laughed at their youngest’s possesive and protective attitude. And Yoongi liked it. Really really likes it.
Some days he let’s his guard down. He allows himself to slip. And tells them his worries. Asks them to stay near him. They do it, smiling. These days he was getting dragged for shopping and grocery, which he does regret a little. It’s weird, it’s new and warm.
“Hyung why aren’t you picking up our calls we-“ His studio door burst open. Three maknaes standing at his door.
Yoongi sighed. He can’t have peace. The rookies gasped beside him. SooBin stopped abruptly, inside.
“Sorry.” Jimin squeaked out.
“I’m not.” Tae declared barging inside. The rookies were blinking at them, struggling to keep their eyes on one of them.
Yoongi’s beta knew before he acknowledged their distressed scent. Taehyung stopped before him, glaring. Pouting with his hands folded on his chest.
“I’m sorry Tae I was working.” Yoongi gently caressed his hand. Taehyung squinted at him.
“It’s okay hyung, Tae hyungie is just over reacting.” Jeongguk teased.
“You were the one running up the stairs.” Tae teased back with a cheeky grin. Jeongguk’s neck was red. He shuffled around to place Yoongi’s lunch.
“Hyung next time just drop a quick message. And come home soon.” Jimin hugged him, pulling Tae away with him.
“Or Jin hyung will scold us.” Jeongguk hugged him next. Yoongi patted the Alphas back. Nodding at them.
“My hug” Tae whined almost knocking Yoongi down. Yoongi grunted, trying to balance both of them.
“I’m still mad but we will talk at home.” Tae whispered.
“Love you hyung.” He shouted shuffling away. Yoongi just nodded. Sitting on his chair again.
“Hyung-“ Tae poked his head inside again. “Say it back.”
“Yeah Tae.” Yoongi uttered.
“Hyung I love you, say it back.” Tae opened the door fully. Jeongguk was peeking from behind him,eyes wide. Jimin just smiled cheekily at him.
Yoongi sighed. “Love you Tae.” He blushed. “I love you all-“ He could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. “now get lost.”