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a dainty boy with his frigid skin that brushed across his. the warmth clashing with his cold jolting him awake from his dulled thoughts. a distracted grin crossing his features as a small apology is muttered out in a soft and vulnerable tone.
“pardon me” he smiles, waving at the boy with a look of recognition in his eyes. his eyes which were covered by tattered and bloodied bandages that wore down onto his skin, tearing deeper into those injuries he could not ever make fade.
the boy in question did not recognize him though, a confused and bland expression was the only thing on the letter's face. dried blood resting on his chin. endless amounts of freckled scars dot his neck and face.
“it’s quite alright”
the bandaged boy nods in return. a silenced feeling washing over him, unable to say the things he craved to say to him. the things he could never take back from his buried past which was murky by time and the dissociation during that moment.
His eccentric bandaging was always a key indicator of who he was. yet the pale boy he bumped into had not recognized him. had not recognized who he was, what he did. he almost wanted him to recognize him. he wanted the chance to apologize, to make things right.
he wanted to finally end a painful cycle, so the boy would not continue it.
He was already walking away though, escaping his grasp. the only moment where they were at a comfortable peace between them.
he sighs, biting his tongue before letting the words pour out. “akutagawa, i-“
the boy stops.
“aku- i just wanted to… apologize” he finally says, letting those choked words leave the firm grasps of the fear of vulnerability.
Akutagawa turns on his heel, his face deciphering the others. a confused expression changing to one of shock.
then resentment.
A moment nearly passes and now he’s pressed up against a wall, Akutagawa’s nails pressed into his neck tightly while the blades of his ability dig into his skin. the fiery pain explodes throughout him. Dazai only letting out a mere gasp for air and a sudden writhe, his hands bound behind him. leaving him unable to work his ability.
“you’ve gotten better Aku! i’m glad” he tries to smile, but the pain makes it all the more difficult. the amber red blood seeping through his new white shirt and bandages.
he finally got around to changing them as well. How pitiful.
Aku grimaces, digging the claws of the black and empty entity into his skin further. tearing at the fabric of his shirt. “don’t call me that, Dazai.”
“eh?” Dazai winces with a staggered breath. his eyes scanning Akutagawa for any sign of vulnerability.
trembling hands, deep bite marks upon his lips and those widened, glossy eyes. It didn't take a mastermind like Dazai to notice this fear and desperation in Akutagawa. the desperate clinging onto his throat that cut off any ability to breathe, although the pitiful stance that Aku held.
He had many chances to fight Akutagawa and win in this moment. but he was curious to see how this would play out.
“Atushi hadn’t treated me like this. yet you do? why is that?” he knew that bitter answer, and it traced his gut like a painful knife to the throat. the guilt he carried for years. and the inability to help Aku throughout it all, his apathy towards the world and himself - overbearingly depressing.
“what do you see in him- that you don’t see in me?!” Akutagawa nearly sobs out. “I was perfect for you! I did so much for you!” Those familiar cracks in his voice makes Dazai flinch in response.
his leg goes flying up to hit Akutagawa in the chest, knocking him back and giving Dazai’s his arm mobility back. the blood that drips from his sides rings down onto the concrete flooring. Akutagawa slams into the wall with a harsh crash, the walls cracking behind him. a puff of dust filling Aku’s lungs with a harsh gasp for breath.
“my motives have changed from back then, Aku.” he sighs. He paces a few steps towards Akutagawa. the boy who coughs up clots of blood, gasps out and watches Dazai with obsolete terror.
“get b-back-“ Akutagawa stutters through broken breaths, his clothes seep with blood. familiar to Dazai’s wounds.
he stops in front of Aku, kneeling above the boy slowly. his hand quickly grabbing Akutagawa’s knee. nullifying the ability at once. his grip was loose, he’d never been good at comforting others. he lacked the sympathy or even ability to comprehend these abilities.
“get away from me!”
his hand reaches over and grasps Aku’s face softly, his cool fingers entwining with Aku’s hair. a confusing sentiment for both--Atushi gave him advice a while back, since he was “emotionally inept”.
“i wanted to apologize Aku- i didn’t mean to… hurt you”
shit he was bad with emotions.
Akutagawa was tired, his eyes laid heavy on his eyelids. No Longer Human was a dangerously tiring ability to the victim.
he just craved that validation, that touch, those words of praise from Dazai.
why did Atushi have to have that.
“you really harnessed your ability well, you learned well. i’m proud of you Aku” he smiles at Aku softly, his fingers rubbing Aku’s head gently. like he was petting a dog carefully.
Akutagawa stares, bewildered.
“proud…?” he asks, almost as if he was a lost child begging for someone to help them find their parents. his voice sounded the same.
Dazai merely nods, pulling out his hand as he stares at the sticky blood that follows. ew.
“i am proud, but you’re bleeding Aku.” he changes the subject effortlessly, “i’d rather not have you dead! that’s my job”
“Hey-“ he frowns, but Dazai scoops him up in his arms far too quickly, entrapping Akutagawa in his grasp tightly.
“you’re going back to the agency with me!”
“what- hell no?!”
“too bad~!”
“Dazai-!”
Dazai chuckles, skipping along the sidewalk, ignoring Akutagawa’s cries of protests.
“i’m not gonna arrest you jeez! you can go back to the Port when you’re healed! and anyways, i gotta make it up to you, ya know… those years in the Port”
Akutagawa sighs, giving up with a tired yawn. leaning close to Dazai tiredly.
“I suppose i’ll allow that.” Akutagawa says sternly, but can’t suppress a smile that makes its way to his features.
he was… proud of him…?