Chapter Text
"I CANT BELIEVE YOU FUCKING DID THAT U FUCKING CUNT! HOW COULD YOU!?" Barry roars as Dundee walks through their front door, his face shiny with tears. Not even attempting to hide his emotions, he is violently shaking and sobbing, sitting with his back to the wall, knees to his chest, head in his hands on their bedroom floor. "How could you?" He chokes out softly amidst the tears "How could you? Knowing what this would do to me? To us?" Barrys heart is breaking, shattering into pieces from the betrayal his husband inflicted.
Dundee walked through their home to the bedroom door. Lingering there he starts "I'm sorry B, I wasn't thin-", "Don't call me that. DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT. YOU NO LONGER HAVE THE RIGHT" Barry yelled, "I don't want to hear your fucking pathetic excuses Dundee. I am done."
Hurt and panic rest on Dees face as he realises he fucked up big time. "What do you mean Barry?" he queries softly, hoping to God it's not what he fears. "It means Dundee, that I am fucking done. I'm sick of my thoughts and feelings being stomped. I can't keep getting my fucking heart shattered by you. I no longer have the will or want to suffer. I just don't have the energy anymore. I-I'm fucking leaving." Barry sighs. He doesn't actually want to leave, nor does he want to cause Dundee pain but he's hurting too much to try again. If that means hurting his husband well that's what he has to do.
Taking a step into the room, Dundee barely dodges the lamp thrown at him. "Barry. Barry, please. Please don't go" he pleads, panic settling into his heart, ice into his veins as he tries to ignore the growing pit in his stomach. "Fuck off Dundee. I'm going whether you want me to or not." Barry replies coldly, sniffling constantly as he starts hiccupping from the sobs wracking his body, "You.... you fucking, went back to her. It's killing me Dundee, its fucking killing me. It hurts and you knew... you knew what it .... what it would do. So no cunt, I'm not staying".
"Barry, pleeeeease" Dundee whines almost begging, "Please tell me what I need to do to fix this". Still standing in the doorway watching his husband, every sob breaks Dundees heart, knowing that he caused this. Barry takes a deep breath, looks up at his husband, the pain and anguish etched across his face breaks Dundees very soul. Barry simply states "You can't Irwin."
Waking up with a start, Dundee had once again dreamt of his last conversation with Barry. Now commonplace, most nights tormenting him with their memories. Dundee had passed out, a combination of hunger and overwhelming emotion they day his husband left. When he woke, Barry was long gone. A single heart breaking sentence all that remained: It's over between us. I'm not leaving the club. I'm leaving you. I've spoken to Pez. Divorce papers are in the post. It had been written on a sticky note and stuck to his forehead. Panic had filled every fibre of his being as he read it. Barry was gone. Actually gone. The house now unnaturally empty and quiet. Barrys clothes, belongings, and HSV gone. House, golf course and other car keys left on the kitchen counter.
A call to Pez confirmed Dundees worst fear: Barry had left him. He made Pez create divorce papers, he was the one that married them after all. Before Barry spoke to Pez, he had visited City Hall and had everything bar the HSV transferred into Dundees name then left the city. Pez had no idea where he went. All he knew, was that Barry was gone without leaving the club. He'll conduct club business elsewhere and send through monetary contributions. Barry had said if he was desperately needed for club business, Chain, Pez, or Collin could text him and he would call them back if Dundee wasn't around. It had shattered Dee.
It had been three years. Three long years without his Barry. Three painfully long years living with the knowledge that HE had done this. That he had fucked up and caused his own worst fear to come true.
When he had tried to explain he wasn't thinking, he meant it. If he had been thinking, his fuck up would have never happened. But it had happened and he had been living with the consequences ever since. Dundee had tried to call and text Barry with no response. He had asked Chain, Collin and Pez to pass on messages, but that also garnered no response. He even tried TJ who told him that yes Barry had called but no he would never betray his fathers wishes of having nothing to do with Dundee. TJ had offered support as his step-son and nothing more. Bereft of any way to contact Barry he had to keep living. Had to move forward with his life. Keep the club going.
The club was now up so good but Dundee felt so down bad. His club was a force within the city, cops and crims all fear the BBMC. No-one is stupid enough to mess with them, and yet Dundee feels nothing. He has descended into an emotionless husk of his former self. In the early days, Dee had kept hope of Barry coming back. Pez, having been the one to talk directly with Barry had tried to wake Dee up to reality. Barry wasn't coming back. Not this time. This time, it was forever. It had taken months, maybe even the first year for Dundee to fully comprehend the fact. Once he realised that Barry had meant it, he could no longer feel anything. No matter how many cops he hurt, or banks robbed he felt nothing. No emotions other than perpetual guilt. He had tried to drive himself into adrenalin spikes without success. Near misses and crashes did nothing for him. So he stopped trying.
Dundee developed a mask. Members of the club saw a passive expression regardless of what they said or did. Dee was supposed to be this psychotic killer prone to outbursts of rage, and yet he had no fire, no spark. No amount of provocation from cops or other gangs could elicit any kind of emotional response. No-one outside club high command knew how he felt. That everyday without his goldfish, his Bawwy, his softboi was torture. That he spent most nights crying himself to sleep. Dundee had no energy for other emotions. It was hard enough for him to work through the motions of club decisions, eating and sleeping, he didn't have time for anger or revenge anymore. The cops, sure they had tried to capitalise on the VPM of the BBMCs 'extended holiday' but had been wildly unsuccessful. They grew bored quite quickly of Dundee simply stating not guilty and serving his time without so much as a peep. Sure the club had stopped escalating but cops knew what Dundee and his club are capable of. It's not worth the risk.
Trips to Pillbox had become routine. Collin, Chain, and Pez took turns taking Dee to hospital for check ups. Unless the three saw it with their own eyes they couldn't trust that their PM had eaten. They took him together the first time. It was how Collin and Chain had found out why Barry left. Pez knew this day would come yet also hoped it wouldn't. It had been 6 weeks since Barry left when Dundee first collapsed. They were discussing the jackets and he fainted from hunger. Waking up in a private room alone stunned him. He was with the boys, how had he ended up here? Looking up to see his mistake standing in front of him, dread courses through every inch of his body.
"Dundee? You're awake"
"Um. Yes."
"Why haven't you been eating? Why didn't you call?"
"Emma. Why would I call you?"
"I don't know Dundee? Maybe coz I kissed you and you kissed me back?"
"YOU FUCKING WHAT CUNT? SHE FUCKING... SHE FUCKING KISSES YOU AND YOU .... FUCKS SAKE DEE! I BET HE FUCKING SAW IT DIDNT HE! THIS IS WH-WHY HE FUCKING LEFT ISN'T IT? FUCKING CUNT HOW COULD YOU?" Collin was livid, Barry is his best friend and this would not impress him. "Emma. Get the fuck out. NOW" Emma looking puzzled, stands her ground "Why?". Collin who's radiating fury takes a deep breath but its Chain who speaks first "Because if you don't, I will shoot you where you fucking stand". He looks cold. Angry. Calculating. "I won't repeat myself". Emma takes a moment to look between the men confronting her. She knows they will do it, they WILL shoot her. Taking a look at Dundee for support her heart sinks when she see's him look away. "I made a mistake Emma. You need to leave. Please don't contact me again" he asks softly. "Fucking arsehole" she mutters, storming out.
"Explain yourself cunt. NOW" Collin is beyond seething. He's in enforcer mode. What Dundee did impacted the club. He will be punished but nothing could hurt him more than he already is. With a sigh, Dundee explains what he did hoping it will ease his guilt. "I fucked up Collin." "No shit Sherlock" "No, you don't understand. I FUCKED up. I, ah, um, I...... I was here the day Barry left." Dee had started silently crying as he explained. "I ahhh, crashed the Paragon and was bought in for treatment. Emma, she... she um... treated me. We got to talking... the mood was light.... she.. she lent in and caught me off guard. Before I knew it, we were kissing." Dundee was sobbing now, reality finally hitting him in the face, "It was a shit kiss but... I was stunned...I ahh, didn't register what was happening until .... until I saw Barry from the corner of my eyes turn and run. By the time I coul-could get home.. he... he...... he'd already decided to leave". "You fucking cunt. I need some air. This is not over fuck face." Collin turns and stalks out quickly, he is pissed. Chain is just staring at Dundee, a look of disappointment etched on his sons face, "Dad, I'll always support you, but that was a dick fucking move. My God". Pez who had stood there quietly watching the whole time takes a moment to absorb what just happened before quietly adding "Dee. You need to accept you fucked up and take care of yourself. You're in here coz you haven't eaten properly."
The hospital staff had told him to eat properly or he would need to spend alot more time at Pillbox. To avoid long term admission they decided to take turns getting him checked over. High Command were all pleasant within Pillbox, once they left however Collin unleashed. They were driving to the Billy in the Karuma, Collin at the wheel. "LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE FUCKING SHIT. I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU FUCKING DID THAT AND DID NOT FUCKING TELL US. BARRY FUCKING LEFT BECAUSE OF YOU! DONT FUCKING TALK. YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME CUNT AND YOU WILL LISTEN GOOD." Shutting Dundee down before he could even acknowledge his mistake "WHEN WE GET BACK. I AM BATTING YOU AND YOU WILL FUCKING TAKE IT. HAVE I MADE MYSELF FUCKING CLEAR. PM OR NOT, YOU'VE HURT THE CLUB AND YOU WILL BE PUNISHED" Collin screamed at Dee. Pez and Chain had let it happen, seeing the defeat and anguish resting on Dee's face they both knew he accepted his punishment. Emma had stayed away, thankfully. She knew Chain or Collin would not hesitate to shoot her if she tried to contact or go near Dundee so she kept clear.
Weekly hospital trips and daily guilt had seen three years pass in the blink of an eye. The jackets and hang arounds had stopped asking where Barry went after a particularly feisty meeting in which Collin had threated them all with ocean dumps if anyone asked again. It killed him that Chain, Pez, Collin, and TJ all had updates on Barry and he didn't. Paranoia told him they spoke outside of club business, fuelling the guilt. Barry had kept his word and sent money for the club. Dee never saw any news or information on crimes that could leak Barrys location. Anytime he caught up with TJ, he poignantly shied away from the topic of his father to avoid upsetting Dundee. Barry was a taboo whenever Dundee was around. People walked and spoke on eggshells, never knowing if they would trigger emotions in Dundee. Emotions he had spent three years without.
Dundee was taking a deserved day off, trying to sleep in but instead waking up in tears again. It had been another hard night filled with memories of Barry. Before he can fully wake up and still sniffling his phone rings. TJ flashes across the screen. ".....Hello" he yawns. "Hello Dundee. I'm ahhh calling to let you know my wedding is this Saturday and um.... pops will be attending." Dee bolts upright heart pounding and ears ringing, his mouth has gone dry, "I thought you should know so you weren't caught off guard. Another thing, pops is bringing a friend. A friend friend. A friend for support Dee, please don't get jealous" "Mhmm Teej. I'll be good" "Good. Ok, I gotta go". For the first time in three years, Dundee feels something other than guilt. A spark of emotion. A small spark of hope that he can get his Barry back has settled itself in his mind.