Chapter Text
The bond
There’s a stillness in grief. The mind knows logically time will pass and those feelings will fade. But when logic is drowned out by that throbbing, all consuming pain, it feels like a permanent state of being. It is this state Lan finds himself in and in relation, Moiraine as well.
Neither of them had moved in over an hour. They look comatose lying entwined on the bed in her room. His head cradled on her stomach and kept in place by her warm arms. They lay in their grief together. The grief is deep and they drown in it over and over.
Lan is riddled with guilt keeping her here when there was work to be done, important life or death work to be done. But still she stays with him because he needs her to stay. After the day he’d had, Moiraine was the only tether to sanity he had. The thought makes him nuzzle his head further into her. She responds by gently stroking his hair. It soothes him. Despite the world being on fire, despite the devastating loss she was still here. Beneath him. She's safe next to him and so he could breathe.
“There is much to be done,” he said, though his words are muffled.
“Are you really reminding me of that?” she said softly.
“I meant we should get back to work. The ta'veren are probably here by now.”
“Two of them have arrived, yes.” she said calmly. He shot his up and pinned her with a questioning stare. “And you're only now telling me?”
She scowls at him, he knows he looks worst for wear. She cradles his cheeks as if trying to remove the lines in his face that reflected his grief.
“They are safe, I’ve had eyes on them since they entered the city.” she said. Though he was not worried she didn't have things under control, he was more upset she withheld information from him because she assumed his focus was elsewhere. It was but duty came first. Plus there was very little reason to stay angry at someone who's emotion you shared.
He leans into her touch then settles on the pillow next to her facing her. His fingers tangles in the hem of her sleeve just to continue feeling her warmth. Giving up whatever counter argument he wanted to make about his readiness.
“When did they get here?” he asked.
She sighs slowly. “Not long after we arrived. They were even visited by your wisdom. We wait for the other two, won’t be long now .” Moiraine said.
“My wisdom?” he said, with a tone more confused than anything.
She gives him a wry smile then it disappears after she shakes her head slightly at him. What he was trying desperately to mask she could feel clearly. But she knew that was conversation he would loathe even more than the one they were having.
She sits up slightly in bed and throws a worried glance his way. “You rest. I’ll go make sure-“
“We will -“ he sits up too but she pushes him back down to the bed, his hands close around her wrist to stop her. “I am fine.” he said through gritted teeth.
“You’re not.”
“I will be fine. I can’t be apart from you right now. I have to protect you.” The words fall out of his mouth like a pill he’d been trying to swallow all day. It was impossible not to worry about her. Now more than ever.
“We will protect each other.”
He drops his forehead to hers again reassuring him she was really there. A beat passes and his nerves settle. A little. Enough to get back to work. Enough to be strong for her. He gets up from the bed and reluctantly lets go of the grip he’s had on Moiraine’s sleeve. She gets up after him, quiet as a mouse yet with the force to move a mountain.
She helps him disrobe his white garments and folds them neatly onto her bed.
He feels more like himself when he changes back into his dark clothes.
He attaches his sword to his side then looks back at her with an outstretched hand. She nods and takes his outstretched hand.
“Ready.” She nods, answering the question he asked with his eyes.