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The flyer came in the mail. No return adress. Mystical Tales of the Unknown Universe. Ray listened to every episode. At his age, having gone through what he's went through, there was a certain apathy when it came to the paranormal. But-
MTUU was different. It was a kid, and one that was passionate and maybe a little like Ray was in his youth, before growing up and facing disappointment after disappointment.
Plus, it's really found its voice around the forty third episode, so....
Ray tuned in on a Wednesday afternoon like any other day.
"On today’s episode! A new development of the Dirt Farmer Mystery."
To Ray's surprise, a second voice came on, a girl's, hissing, "Don't call him that!"
The Dirt Farmer Mystery was a recurring segment on the show. Some old guy that's lost his marbles and can't grow anything on the farm. He's a recluse in town and if Ray had to be honest, probably not more than that. But the guy passed away a week ago, under what the host claims was 'extremely suspicious circumstances'.
"Today! A new family moves into the elusive house. Why so soon? Because they are the Dirt Farmer's -sorry- never-before-heard-of family!"
Ray took a sip of tea and waited to see where this was going. If this other talker was related to the guy, that would explain why she was defensive of calling him names.
"And! We have our very first guest star! After two and a half years of her grandfather refusing to be on the show, may I introduce; Phoebe Spengler!"
Ray chokes on his drink.
No.
That's ridiculous.
He misheard.
Her last name was probably Spencer or Spernger or something.
"Thank you." Phoebe said. ".... Should I tell a joke?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" Podcast said. "Let me tell you guys, Phoebe here is a hoot!"
Right, definitely not.... That.
"Okay. What do light, heat, kinetic and potential energy, and sound all have in common?" She started. "It doesn't matter!"
The host howled in laughter, and Ray gave a small chuckle.
He was fine.
"Now, getting into Phoebe's elusive family history." Ray braced himself. Even though there was nothing to brace himself for. "Brace yourselves, folks." Goddammit. "You're about to get a whole new look into the- the Spengler Farmer's farmily- fu-family history."
Holy shit.
"You see, after meeting Phoebe, I showed her the one of a kind Summerville Mountain! And then she went back to her grandfather's house." Ray bit his lip.... Wait, grandfather? Right, if the thing he was thinking of meant that something impossible would have to had happened, so he shouldn't be thinking about that. No.... "And then, with the ultimate look inside, managed to discover a fire pole leading to a secret labratory!"
Ray shook his head, reality creeping in on him. Fire pole?
The lab being secret was a nice touch though.... From the still unknown Dirt Farmer.
"Yes." Phoebe took over, if that even was her name because clearly Ray is not in the business of getting names right anymore. "And in that lab, I discovered a lot about my grandfather's life."
Okay, here it was. Here was where it became abundantly clear that he was just being as paranoid as the devil himself.
"Like, for example, that he was a genius that had multiple degrees and PhDs,"
Wow, okay, at least he knew the two of them would have gotten along. If only they'd gotten together before the Dirt Farmer- he- he bit the dust. Oh, God, he bit the dust. He was gone. Gone and Ray didn't care. Ray had known since the day after and just shrugged it off-
"-he built advanced technology all on his own-"
Of course, he shrugged it off. He didn't know the man. Had never known the man. And sorry as Ray felt for the people who did know him, of which Ray wasn't one of-
"-and that he was a founding member of an old organization known as the Ghostbusters."
That could be anyone.
Podcast talked again. "So, after... observing one of his mechanisms, we, uh-"
"We accidentally freed one of Grandpa's ghosts."
"Yes, we did do that." He admitted. "Yeah... But our science teacher helped!"
They... freed... a ghost? And Egon was- was-
"The ghost in question was a dog-like creature." Phoebe said.
Dog!? But the only dog ghosts were.... No. No, Egon was crazy.
"We haven't managed to recapture this particular ghost yet, but never fear! We've already managed to catch a totally different ghost with the help of Phoebe's older brother Trevor, who had managed to repair the Ghostbusting car that their grandfather's notes say was called the 'Ecto-1'."
The Ecto-1. Ray hadn't seen it since- since- since that asshole left, and now-
Wait, another grandkid?!
"So, after capturing the Muncher, Trevor told us about seeing the dog monster at the mountains, so we drove up there. There, we discovered an elevator, a monstrous pit, and writing on the walls indicative of years where disasters occurred. One of which was 1984, the year of the Ghostbusters saved New York."
What was happening? And now he was bringing up New York, and- Was Spengler playing a prank on him?
(Please?)
"After going home and looking through Grandpa's notes, we found that he came to Summerville with the plan to trap the evil god, Gozer." Phoebe spoke up. "Now, we are going to go after the Dogs and hopefully put an end to what my grandfather started; Ending Gozer once and for all."
Ray shook his head, not wanting to believe it.
"I might miss Friday's episode, I'm afraid." Podcast said cheekily. "Tune in Monday for more details! But if we don't show, then either we've died in a successful mission, Gozer is in the process of taking over, or they already have and you are possibly dead, but probably getting by using the tips from my episode; Vital Tips for Surviving an Apocalypse. Might wanna give that one a repeat in the meantime."
Oh holy- Those kids were gonna get themselves killed. A surge of probably misplaced protectiveness came for the boy who he'd been listening to for so long, and the girl who's grandpa was probably Ray's-
"But don't worry. We have the ghost of Egon Spengler himself aiding us in this journey!"
He groaned.
Wait, Spengy was the Dirt Farmer?
Ray had a headache. And a heartache. And he kind of felt like throwing up. He took several deep breaths. He had.... a couple phone calls to make.