Archive of Our Own

Behind the thick glass of his Versace specs, Jay squinted up at the cloudless sky. 

“This is so stupid,” He groaned aloud to nobody in particular, pinching the front of his shirt and flapping the fabric away from its spot stuck to his skin. 

His grandparents strolled ahead along the dirt pavement before him, long since acclimatized to the heat and therefore lacking the sympathy Jay felt he was inclined to receive. He bore a strong glare into their hunched backs, feeling particularly petulant.

“I’m hot,” He added pointedly, dragging his feet as they marched along. “It is hot.” 

The moment sunlight had burst through the rickety wooden windows lining the walls of the guest room this morning, his grandparents had crowded inside his room and forced him out of bed, promises of a productive and meaningful day bolstering their seemingly innocuous excitement.

Should have known not to trust them, Jay thought bitterly, hand clammy around the handle of the dingy fishing rod his grandfather had pressed into his arms. Walking 3 miles to the lake at the edge of the village for a morning fish was apparently what fit their criteria, and Jay wasn’t necessarily pleased with the indicator.

Ahead of him, the backs of his grandparent’s respective fishing rods thumped steadily against their necks, their matching boots crunching into dead leaves and branches in tandem. 

“Don’t worry, city boy-ssi,” His grandfather tossed over his shoulder. He pointed to the docks strewn across the massive lake ahead, teasing smile gracing wrinkled cheekbones. “See? We’re already here.” 

“I’m not a city boy,” Jay retorted by automation in lieu of response, shielding his eyes from the glaring sunlight and frowning at what he could make of his grandfather. “Please stop calling me that.” He added through a gripe. 

They had made it a point to label him as such the moment he’d arrived from Seoul just three days ago, found his ‘suburban antics’ to be a massive point of amusement almost instantly.

It’s not even applicable, you know, Jay had argued back the second night after he’d balked about drinking water straight from the tap and they’d giggled themselves into a delighted frenzy. Things aren’t even that different here compared to Seoul! Jay then had proceeded to chug down a hefty glass of tap water with vehemence, determined to prove to them he wasn’t some poltroon urbanite. 

“You’re still so sensitive, Jay-ah,” His grandmother smiled fondly now, hobbling forward to knick his nose. “Anyway,” She hummed, raising wiry eyebrows as he squirmed. “Maybe you would have known what to expect if you visited us more.”

His grandparents chuckled together as Jay spluttered, turning to troop off towards the docks. “Low blow,” Jay groused, balling his free hand at his sides and plodding reluctantly after them. 

___

Shamefully enough, Jay couldn’t tell you that he was here on his own volition. Like much of the obscure decisions in his life, this, too, was wielded on him as an expectation, something he would do- and by that of his parents. They had called weeks before the trip, instructed him rather bluntly that instead of coming back home to Seattle, he’d stay in Korea and spend three months at his grandparent’s in the countryside. 

“You can help them out around the house, it’ll be good for you to spend time with your elders.” His father had finished off with the order. 

Having finished his last final of the week and feeling about as conscious as a strip of bark, Jay’d choked out a laugh in disbelief. “You must be joking,” He shook his head, still pounding from all the cramming he’d been doing the night before. Something like desperation crept up his spine when they didn’t join in. “No way. I can’t spend my entire summer break there, are you kidding?”

His reaction apparently, was too candid for his parents’ liking. “My son, that is deplorable,” His father had gasped, scandalized tone transcending the staticky service. 

Jay winced, “Ah, Appa,” He tried to correct himself, bracing himself as he spoke. “That’s not what I meant, it’s just-”   

“Are you even aware-“ His mother was on the phone now, managing to bellow over Jay even though her voice came out in choppy spurts. She continued on, stringing out the usual barrage of admonition. “Are you even aware of how much your grandparents have done for you, Park Jongseong?” Jay’s shoulders had slumped heavily as he muttered back half-hearted sounds of agreement through the remainder of the lecture- “Yes. Sorry. Yes. I understand. Sorry. Sorry.” 

Lee Heeseung, Jay’s flat roommate, had also made it a point to let him know how much he believed he was overreacting. “A summer in the countryside doesn’t sound like a bad deal,” The older boy had decided while helping him pack.

He tied two socks together, shoving them into the insoles of a pair of Jay’s Jordans. Unfairly enough, Heeseung was going abroad for his break, plans to visit their friend Ni-ki in Japan rendering him more generous in the days leading up to his own departure. Heeseung grimaced, holding up the sneakers with a dubious expression. “Sure you don’t want to wash these first?” 

Jay had snatched them out of his hands with a glare. “It’s not as lovely as you think,” He hurled back grumpily, shoving the shoes under a pair of packaged briefs. “Everything’s just so fucking slow over there. And it’s hot as hell.” 

It was true. He’d spent all his summers until he was 12 at his grandparent’s house before him and his family had moved to the states and, consequently, was all too used to the relentless heat of the countryside sun. The days were excruciatingly long, his grandparents’ wifi was laggy, and Jay was always bored. 

Not to mention, and he meant this with absolutely no offense- the population of the tiny village seemed to consist of only people strictly over the age of 70. (“Don’t be ageist,” Heeseung had chastised. Jay’d nearly broken his finger flipping him off.)

He turned to glance at his grandparents now, perched beside him on the bench by the dock drop-off. His grandfather was humming lowly under his breath, staring patiently out into the water. His grandmother looked like she might have been dozing off. Jay blew air out of his mouth. 

“Harabeoji,” He prodded. They’d been drying up under the sun for the past hour now, and Jay had long since lost feeling in his legs. “I’m hot.”

His grandfather peered at him from underneath the brim of his hat. “So I’ve heard,” He mused. He glanced at Jay’s abandoned rod, strewn across the wooden panels of the ground. “Not much of a fisher, are you?” 

Jay made a face, shrugging through a pang of guilt. 

That was another thing that sort of blowed about this place: as much as Jay complained and griped, his grandparents never ripped into him for acting spoiled like his parents would- just smiled and humored him like being in his mere presence was satisfactory enough. “No, fishing’s cool,” He lied, forcing a smile. “I think I might just be rusty.”

His grandfather made an understanding noise under his breath, shifting on his side to shove a hand into his pocket. Jay watched, a bit bewildered, as he pulled out his wallet. “You remember the store the Kim’s own,” His grandpa said more than asked, filing through notes. He pulled out his debit card, stared at Jay pointedly. 

“The Kim’s?” Jay double took. Were they really still around? “Like, from back then?”

Jay’s grandfather nodded, smile wry. He pushed his card into Jay’s palm, flicking a gaze over his shoulder and pointing down the street they’d come down. “Why don’t you go on and buy yourself a drink, say hello to Mr. and Mrs. Kim from us.” He turned and glanced at Jay’s grandma. “And perhaps a bottle of ibuprofen for your grandmother,” He suggested like an afterthought. 

Jay stared up the hill his grandfather was pointing at, could make out the dingy Kim’s Market sign lined up between other small shops if he squinted. Nothing about the shop had looked looked like it’d changed, not even from miles away. Still tiny and cramped, lamppost on the sidewalk still rusted and bright green. He huffed to himself, a bit amazed. Time never seemed to touched anything in this place. 

“Suppose it’s more walking for me, then,” He sighed, pushing himself off the bench as he spoke. 

“Suppose it is,” His grandfather agreed with a wiry chuckle. He turned to face the lake, whistled when his line suddenly gave a sharp tug. “Ah,” His tone was approving. “This one’s putting up quite a fight.” 

___

Jay’s forehead was completely soaked with sweat by the time he’d arrived at the entrance to the store, almost alarmingly winded from the short walk uphill. He crunched over his knees, taking a long moment to catch his breath. If there was anything useful about this visit, he guessed the wake-up call that he needed to be more active was making itself rather clear. 

“Damn heat,” He griped, brushing sweaty clumps of hair off his shoulder and shouldering his way past the door. 

A bell jingled a bit above him as he entered, cold air-conditioning hitting his face at once. Jay blinked as he took in the small shop. Like he’d expected, things were exactly the same as he’d left it 9 years ago. All that was missing were the Kim’s bustling about, sweeping and spraying every unearthed surface, scolding the village kids to not track mud, helping the adults to the little tables near the coffee dispensers and chatting away. 

And speaking of which- Jay snuck a short glance toward the counter. He wasn’t necessarily proud of the wave of relief that flooded through his chest upon finding it vacant. 

It’s not as though I’m scared, he convinced himself while hovering near the over-the-counter drugs. The Kim’s were good people. They had been kind to him back then, always slipped him sticks of gum when his parents would frequent the store and were distracted by conversation. 

Jay wrinkled his brows, scanning the selection distractedly and picking at a few of the lids. He was distinctly aware of the fact that the back of his shirt was completely stuck to his skin. It’s not as though I’m scared, he thought again, more insistently. He just didn’t know if he had it in him to endure the interrogation process. And in his less than presentable state no less.

“Incoming!” Someone shouted then, jolting Jay right out of reverie.

Before he could gather his senses, something enormous came clattering down the small staircase that led up to the Kim’s apartment above the store, tumbling over itself down the steps and knocking over a tower of barbecue chips as it slid across the tiles.

“Goddamnit,” The person swore from above, sounding particularly unhappy. 

Jay blinked, peered over a rack of almonds to get a better look. A rather pitiful looking swivel chair stared back at him, now tipped into a mountain of chips. 

“God dammnit,” The person swore again, more distressed this time. 

A boy came tearing down the staircase in a flash of orange and green, grumbling angrily under his breath as he knelt down to tend to the mess. “This fucking chair,” He was grousing as he swiped the rack into standing position, gathering an armful of chips. The pants he had on were blindingly green, his head a faded orange color. “God, I hate this fucking place. I swear, if it wasn’t for my conscience..”

Jay, still more than a little baffled but resonating a bit with the sentiment, bent down to pick up a stray bag that had ended up at his feet. “Ah, you don’t have to do that,” The boy insisted the second Jay’s hand closed around the top.

“It’s fine,” Jay laughed awkwardly, waving him off with his free hand.

The boy made an apologetic noise. “No, really, just go on and continue shopping, it’s-” Abruptly, his voice trailed off, almost like he’d been startled into silence. 

Curious at the lack of response, Jay lifted his head. Then he got a good look at the boy’s face. 

Two familiar wide eyes blinked owlishly back at him through huge brown glasses. The heap of chips in his arms fell to the floor at once, gathering in a pile of rustling aluminum. 

“Jay.” The boy blinked, breathed his name out like he was in slight awe. “Hyung,” The honorific was tapped on like an afterthought, followed by a slight quirk to chapped lips. 

Jay gaped, mouth going dry. Suddenly, every memory from the summers they’d shared together crammed itself through Jay’s working braincells. Like a switch had been flipped, he was instantly reminded of the dry summer heat of a 2009 July afternoon, scampering around the village with a handful of other kids, stomping on shoelaces in hopes of making someone trip. Melted ice cream and losing games, screaming underwater and chasing each other in the fields at dusk, shrieking as the sun died into the sky. Dried scabs and clumsy band-aid jobs, clammy fingers slotted tight into the backs of one another’s hands on the way back home, don’t look behind you, don’t look behind-

Jay swallowed, thick and hard. How could he have forgotten? 

“Kim Sunoo,” He spoke at last, winced a bit at how strained his words came out. “It’s nice to see you again.” 

Sunoo’s smile was wide. “You as well, hyung.” 

Silence fell over them again. Jay fingers were completely frozen around the packet of chips he was carrying. He balked in the face of someone steeped in his past brandished before him face on: and in their dye-headed, thick wiry framed and neon-green panted glory no less. Kim Sunoo held his gaze like he was drinking him in as well, light orange strands of hair curled around neatly pierced ears.

Sunoo broke the silence first. “Back for the summer?” He observed, having the decency to sound a bit amused. 

Jay cleared his throat, wanting badly to smack his cheeks to slap some sense into his system. Get a hold of yourself. “Yeah, I’m staying with my grandparents,” He responded, hoping his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “You know how it is.” 

Sunoo stood up from his spot crouched at the ground, attention on the chips long since abandoned. “Same, I promised my parents I’d help out around the shop this year.” He made a face, slunk forward before Jay in what couldn’t have been more than three steps.

Tall, a voice in Jay’s mind pointed out uselessly, like it wasn’t human nature for people to grow into themselves through the years. Christ, he’s gotten tall. 

“That’s good of you,” Offered Jay lamely. 

Sunoo shrugged like he didn’t think so, humored Jay with a grin anyway. “And that’s nice of you to say,” He shot back. He gestured to the mess on the ground, smile turning sheepish. “Help me clean this up, hyung?”

___

Sunoo and Jay weren’t necessarily the closest in the gaggle of kids they’d journey together with back then, but Jay remembered quite a bit about him anyway. 

It was a set standard: Kim Sunoo, the most-liked one out of all them, wholly adored by parents and grandparents alike. Jay remembered him charming his way into his own parents hearts, running up to the fields with pockets full of tooth-rotting sweets, smile triumphant as the others would cheer. Something of a hero, even. 

Jay felt himself cringe. If he was being honest, he could also remember being a bit jealous of the boy’s magnetism, perhaps more than he’d like to admit. 

It’s not fair, he remembered declaring to his grandparents, one summer night when he was a primary-schooler and hadn’t quite grasped that he was, indeed, envious of a kid a year younger than him. I’m just as cool as that Sunoo Kim. He’d crossed his arms, frowned at his plate of salmon. And I’m not short, he added. 

But that was deep into their childhood- back when Jay’s height and growth plate had seemingly closed at the ripe age of 7, when he’d gather with the kids from the village to play kickball and bear the brunt of the height-teasing thereon, lead primarily by a proud Park Sunghoon and Shim Jaeyun. Sunoo, for all of Jay’s internal antagonization, never really joined in, always looked more focused on his pitches as opposed to taking part in the taunts that would litter the air from the rest of the lot of them.

Shorty, Jake would always snicker behind a towering Sunghoon, always making a point to be on the opposing team to Jay. Piss off, Jay would bluster, and Sunoo would knee him into focus, and that was how it usually ended. 

“So how long are you staying in town?” Sunoo was asking conversationally, now. He was scanning Jay’s iced tea and a singular bottle of ibuprofen, rocking back and forth on the swivel chair he’d flung down across the staircase earlier. “Need a bag?” He added as Jay slid over his grandfather’s card. 

Jay shook his head. “I’m good.” He pocketed the ibuprofen and twisted the cap of his drink back and forth around the mouth, still feeling a little awkward. It was strange to be in the midst of someone he hadn’t heard from in so long, but he supposed it was only natural. Connections were the hardest to maintain, and all that. Jay sucked in a breath. “And I’m here for the summer, so.. three months.” 

“The whole summer? Same.” Sunoo’s eyes brightened a little. “Do you leave late August too?” 

“More like the middle of it,” Jay corrected, unsure whether he was pleased or panicked that Sunoo would be in his vicinity for the remainder of the summer. “Gotta make it back in time for orientation,” He explained. “Introducing the new freshmen, it’s a whole thing.” 

“Oh, I know what you mean,” Sunoo’s smile was genuine. “That’s really cool, hyung.”

Jay nodded, felt himself flounder under his eyes. Holy hell, did Sunoo pull off that orange hair. Suddenly, Jay was hyperaware of his own appearance, namely the fact that that he had a massive sweat stain along the his waist.

As inconspicuously as he could, he clamped his arms down to his sides. “Well,” He started, sounding terribly uncertain. “My grandparents are waiting for me down at the lake, so..” 

Instantly, Sunoo looked embarrassed. “Ah, are they?” He busied himself with pushing over the receipt, ears going a bit pink. “Um, I’ll let you go, then.”

“I mean- it’s okay!” Jay waved him off hastily, feeling a bit guilty for excusing himself so promptly. “Knowing them, they’re both probably asleep, but, still.” He spread his hands, flushing. “It’s really good to see your face again after so long, Sunoo, really.” 

God, how much creepier could you sound?  He wondered to himself mournfully, but Sunoo cut his thoughts off with a pleased smile. “Likewise, hyung.” His eyes flitted across Jay’s face, sharp in interest. “Hold on!” Sunoo called, right as Jay made to scurry out the door. 

Jay turned. Sunoo stared back at him from his spot behind the counter, smile a bit nervous.

“Come back soon, okay?” The younger boy said, sincere. He drew a knuckle to his mouth, looking contemplative. “It’s- it’s been a while.”

Jay felt his heart stop in his throat. “Yeah,” He heard himself bumble out, mind slightly whirling. “Yeah, of course, Sunoo.” 

Sunoo beamed, waved him out with sparkling eyes. Jay returned it with a shaky smile of his own, nudging the door open with his shoulder and trodding his way down the sidewalk in something of a daze. Of all of the village kids, he concluded, faint in the back of his mind as he squinted under the sun, he certainly didn’t expect Kim Sunoo to grow so well. 

___

Seeing Sunoo had given Jay a particularly violent splash of whiplash. Did he come back every summer? Were his parents even around, anymore? Where were the rest of the village kids? He hovered by his grandmother’s side as she cooked dinner that night, teetering on asking about the Kim’s and stopping himself from following through, worried that it made him seem overtly nosy. Luckily, he didn’t have to prod. 

“So, did you run into the Kim’s son today?” His grandmother asked after a few minutes of Jay dwindling around in the space behind her. She was rummaging around in the refrigerator, voice a bit muffled. “He’s such a lovely boy, isn’t he? So respectful.” 

Jay blinked, thought instantly of the massive swivel chair hurtling down the wooden steps, Sunoo’s colorful expletives following after. “Er,” He shoved his hands into his pockets, wrinkling his brow. “Yeah, he’s.. He’s alright.”

His grandmother made an approving sound. Jay decided it wouldn’t hurt to ask one question, seeing that she’d brought it up to begin with. “Does he.. Always come back around this time?” 

“Oh, yes,” His grandmother confirmed. “Visits his parents and comes by the house with fruit. A few times he’s even joined your Harabeoji and I while fishing.” 

“Fishing?” Jay felt the same guilt from before itch at his chest. He echoed what he said to Sunoo earlier, feeling a bit inane. “Ah, that’s good of him.”

“Isn’t it?” His grandma mused. “I remember the days when you used to whine about him,” She chuckled. “Halmeoni, Kim Sunoo did this today, Kim Sunoo did that! Aigoo, you were a cutie.” Drawing out of the fridge, she turned to face Jay, brandishing a few wilted leeks at him. “Wash these for me,” She nodded toward the sink. 

Jay took them with burning cheeks. “I was hoping you wouldn’t remember that,” He groaned, mortified. He spun on the faucet, winced as ice cold water hit his fingers. “Not necessarily my proudest moment.” 

His grandmother was unfazed. “You were young, darling,” She reasoned. “These things are natural.” Her tone went teasing. “Unless you saw him today and realized you were still jealous of him, in which case, my dear-”

“Halmeoni,” Jay whined, and she put down her spatula to throw her head back, laughing heartily. 

“In any case,” She sighed as she was done, reaching over to pinch Jay’s frown. “We’re going fishing again tomorrow, so perhaps you’ll run into Sunoo again.”  

Jay felt his stomach take a particular nasty dive. It wasn’t necessarily the most comforting thought to be left with . 

___

The next day, the trip to the lake was just as excruciating, if not more so. The lake was still vast, his grandparents were still faster than him, and fishing still sucked. Weirdly, however, his grandparents sent him off to get drinks 20 minutes into him staring into the lake blankly, sooner than Jay was expecting. 

“You guys don’t have any ulterior motives, right?” Jay griped suspiciously, pushing away his grandmother’s card and patting his own wallet. “Kim Sunoo might not even be there, today. Also, I thought you two thought I was perfect the way I was.” 

“A good influence is a good influence,” Was all his grandmother had to say, nodding sagely. She turned back to the lake, signaling the end of the discussion. Jay groaned, trudged off toward the sidewalk lining the hill. Like he needed a goddamn influence.

Sunoo was there today, was picking boredly at a washed-out sticker plastered to the wall behind him when Jay pushed his way through the doors. The rack of barbecue chips that’d been obliterated yesterday was standing neat and upright today, looked prettily back at Jay from its spot across the staircase. 

“Morning,” Jay called out through a horrible attempt at not sounding out-of-breath. 

Sunoo glanced over, eyes brightening instantly when it caught sight of Jay’s less than flattering form.

“You came back!’ He exclaimed, sounding slightly surprised. Instantly, like he’d said something he hadn’t meant to say, Sunoo’s cheeks flushed pink. “I mean- er-”

Jay waved him off. “No, I get it. I definitely didn’t seem too keen on it, yesterday.” He relieved Sunoo, sending him an apologetic grin. 

Sunoo’s shoulders slumped, eyebrows wrinkling. “Well, I wouldn’t say that,” He said unconvincingly, laughter familiar. 

While Jay grabbed a few drinks and brought them to the counter, Sunoo filled him in. Jay was grateful- somehow, he did a better job of informing Jay on what was happening in the village in a handful of minutes than what his grandparents did in 3 days. 

“Jake comes by in the winter time, according to my parents,” Sunoo had enlightened Jay as he handed him the bag of drinks. He gestured to the stool to the right of him, and hesitantly, Jay sat down. Sunoo pulled out his phone eagerly. “I actually have his Instagram, do you want to see what he’s up to? He’s pretending to take online classes so his parents don’t make him get a summer job-” 

He also filled Jay in on what was happening on his end- his university (Keimyung University in Daegu, he’d grumped, clearly still displeased about this. I got waitlisted from Seoul National University) his major (Anthropology? Jesus, Jay’d whistled, hoping he wouldn’t have to reveal that he, in fact, was attending SNU currently. He managed to successfully evade the question, thankfully) and then, of course, the main thing Jay was truly wondering, which was-

“-and what the hell was going on with you and-” Jay pointed to the Sunoo’s seat. “That chair, yesterday?” 

Sunoo’s face instantly went stormy. “My parents expect me to stand all day and work their shop,” He said with no small amount of scorn, smacking the armrests righteously. “So I took a stand and tossed down my dad’s old office chair.”

He glanced down at the yellowed seat, looking rather disturbed. “It’s about a punch away from crumbling into itself, but whatever, right?”

Jay tried his hardest not to laugh as the chair shrieked when Sunoo tried scooting forward towards the counter, and failed when Sunoo sent him an offended frown.

“I’m sorry,” Jay said helplessly. “It just sounds so pitiful.” 

Sunoo’s glare melted away, and he joined Jay with a reluctant snicker of his own. “Anything’s better than standing,” He shrugged, spinning in his seat and grimacing when the chair creaked. 

Jay nodded in acknowledgement, jolting when his phone vibrated from its spot resting on the counter. He snuck a glance at the notification, from his grandfather- "Come home for lunch in 15.” Jesus Christ, how long had he spent here? He felt his cheeks get warmer, wondering why it was so easy to get carried away with Sunoo.

“Your grandparents?” Sunoo guessed, eyebrows raised. 

Jay nodded. “I better take off,” He reckoned, pushing himself up off the chair. “But it was really nice catching up with you, Sunoo.” He added, gnawing at his bottom lip for a moment. 

He faced Sunoo, releasing a short breath. “And I’m, um- sorry for being weird, yesterday.” He felt his skin burn, but pushed onward anyway. “I was just kind of shocked. You’ve like-” He gestured at Sunoo vaguely. “You’ve really grown, is all.”

“Yeah? Thanks,” Sunoo’s smile curled a bit too much for it to be bashful. “You’ve grown too, hyung.” He chirped, tone sweet. 

Jay felt the tips of his ears burn. What the hell was he even supposed to say that that? “Ah, um. Thanks, I guess.” 

Sunoo only smiled, glancing at the clock and then back at Jay’s face. His eyes were alight.

“So,” He said, sounding hopeful, now. “See you here tomorrow?”

Jay blinked. Really? He almost gawped, but stopped himself before the words could leave his mouth.

“Sure,” He found himself agreeing through a gulp, and Sunoo sent him off with that same pleased grin from yesterday, and Jay’s stomach pummeled into itself, an unpromising thing.  

___

His grandparents hadn’t made him take the fishing rod at all the next day, just had him sit at the benches for a short moment before sending him off toward the market.

Jay didn’t put up much of a fight. “Don’t leave without me like you did yesterday,” He warned them, pushing himself off the bench. 

“Walk back home safely,” Was all his grandfather had to say. Jay grumbled, turning away from the waters. 

Sunoo was swapping shifts with his sister when Jay pushed through the gates the next day. “Your grandparents are sweet,” He was saying, now, sounding charmed as he peered out the window. From his vantage point, Jay could make out their tiny forms from miles away, shaded by the shadows of a looming willow tree. “Though I have to admit, I don’t see the appeal in fishing.”

“Same!” Jay agreed vehemently. “Fishing sucks, but I don’t know. They seem to like it a lot, so-” He shrugged, as if to say what can you do.  

Sunoo smiled like he understood. Today, he was sitting on the wooden stool Jay’d sat on yesterday, dilapidated swivel chair abandoned behind a stack of cardboard boxes.

Suddenly, his face went stark with disgust. “Oh my god,” He gasped.

Jay blinked up at him in slight alarm. Sunoo looked nearly green as he spoke- “Do you remember a few years ago that night when we threw that barbecue on the beach and Jake-hyung went far into the lake and-”

“Don’t finish that thought,” Jay cut him off with a hiss, feeling his stomach turn in nausea at the memory. Shim Jaeyun from his year had always been in a class by himself, and some of his more bewildering antics included eating fish raw for the thrill of it. “Oh, never mind, I’m already thinking about it. God, are we sure Jaeyun wasn’t from another planet?”  

Sunoo shuddered. “Couldn’t tell you,” He grimaced. “But I think that’s where this distaste of fishing of mine has even stemmed from to begin with.”

Jay made a sympathetic noise, nodding. “My grandparents can blame him for my lack of finesse,” He decided. 

Sunoo giggled, syllables falling soft into the space between them. “What an impact he’s made on us, huh?” He mused.

Lunch, ironically, was vegetarian that afternoon. 

“Does Shim Jaeyun visit here in the winter?” Jay asked through a forkful of green beans, hungrier than he realized. He reckoned it was from all the involuntary quad work he’d been getting in from these daily visits to the lake. 

“Shim Jaeyun?” His grandfather repeated while pouring his grandmother a cup of tea. He set down the pot, looking thoughtful as he took his seat across from Jay. “The son from that family from abroad, correct?” 

Jay nodded. “The one who ate the minnow raw,” he prodded. 

Instantly, his grandparents faces slackened in recognition, before making varying noises of pity. “Ah, I remember!” His grandmother clicked her tongue. “He fell so ill the next day- thankfully, it was one of the smaller fishes, otherwise who knows what would have happened to him?” She shook her head at the memory, turning her focus back to Jay. “But what about him though, darling?”

Shrugging, Jay took a sip from his glass of tap water. “Sunoo and I were talking about him, that’s all,” He explained, snorting slightly at the reminder of Sunoo’s repulsed frown. “I totally forgot about him, but Sunoo mentioned the moment and I remembered why I’m so grateful you guys taught me early-on never to eat fish right out of the water.” 

Jay’s grandparents’ smiles went incredibly pleased. Jay blanched, realized what he’d just perpetuated.

“Alright,” He said hastily, putting down his cutlery and giving his grandparents the stink eye. “Now, before you say something about Sunoo being a good-”

“That Sunoo Kim!” His grandfather interjected approvingly. “I’ve always known he’d be a healthy acquaintance for you,” His grandmother added. “Look at you, being grateful!”

Jay flushed, groaning into fists. “I’m grateful for you guys regardless of that kid,” He insisted, ears on fire. “This is so unfair,” He griped, not for the first time that week, squirming as his grandparents patted and pinched the skin on his face. Damn that Kim Sunoo, he thought through a reluctant smile. 

___

“It’s foul.” 

“It’s music in my mouth.” Sunoo made a show of plunging the next spoonful of ‘Mint-Chocolate D-eee-light’ into his mouth, chomping noisily around the plastic. Jay pretended to retch. Sunoo brandished the tub at him. “I will force-feed you this, hyung, don’t put it past me.”

A week and a half had passed since Jay had arrived in the village, and something of a routine had been established this point in. His grandparents would drag him to the lake every morning, give him money to get something from the store, and expect him home by noon. Jay wasn’t entirely sure if it was because of him and Sunoo’s conversations, but they’d always tack on a ‘be back home for lunch’ instead of a ‘come back to the lake to finish fishing’.

Still, Jay figured it wasn’t a big deal, seeing that he wasn’t suffering any massive losses. He spent time with his grandparents the remainder of the days, anyway, and the Kim’s store had a decently functioning air-con. 

Jay stretched, glancing at his watch and wincing at the time. “I’m gonna be late for lunch,” He announced, swinging his legs off the stool and tossing his popsicle stick in the tin garbage can. 

Sunoo shrugged. Today, he was clad in a dark purple Lakers t-shirt, fabric wrinkled around the sleeves. It fit his shoulders nicely- which wasn’t an exclusive thing Jay had noticed, just an additional thought.

“Don’t die on your way back,” Sunoo bid him. 

He offered a spoonful of ice cream to Jay’s face, leaning across the counter and looking expectant. “Sure you don’t want a bite before lunch?” 

The cartoon cows imprinted on the ‘Mint-Chocolate D-eee-light’ tub stared happily back at Jay. “Over my dead body,” He decided apologetically, excused himself quickly off before Sunoo could have his head. Some days were more dangerous than others, after all. 

___

The next day was the only day Jay’d burst into store with expletives on his tongue.

“God fucking damn this village always feels like the inside of a radiator’s asshole-”, he’d been in the midst of cursing bitterly, and instantly had gone stock-still under the rather interested gaze of Kim Sunoo’s older sister. 

“Oh,” His voice rose octaves higher, heart thudding to a stop in his chest. “Morning.” 

As it was, it also happened to be the one day Sunoo wasn’t alone at the register. Jay’ felt something inside his brain sizzle and shrivel up. Truly, his rotten luck was a thing for the books.

“Morning, Jongseong,” She greeted, completely casual. “Weather’s not the greatest, is it?”

Fuck. “Ah, no! Well- I’m just being, er, overdramatic.” Jay’s smile was strained, a flush crawling quickly up his neck. “Um, sorry about that entrance,” Worse, he was totally blanking on her name. “..Noona.” 

She opened her mouth to respond, looking incredibly amused, when there was a flash of movement tumbling down the staircase to the right of her. Something like relief broke through Jay’s chest when Kim Sunoo scampered up to the counter, fingers fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. 

Unfortunately, the feeling didn’t seem to be mutual. Sunoo’s expression seemed to only thicken with panic when he caught Jay’s eyes. “Ah, hyung, you’re here?” His voice, too, was pitched incredibly high. 

He whipped his face to glance at his sister, who watched him with that same amused expression she’d leveled on Jay moments prior. “Noona,” Sunoo sounded as though he were speaking through clenched teeth. “Isn’t it- Isn’t it my shift this morning?” 

Sunoo’s sister’s smile didn’t waver. “You’ve been working so much lately, Sunoo-yah,” She waved him off. “I told you, I’ll handle it today.”  

It was a relatively kind sentiment, but the way Sunoo blanched you would have thought his sister had just slapped him across the face. “Noona, really- I can do it.” He insisted, more pointedly. 

“Again, I can handle this.” Her voice was firmer, just as if not more pointed than Sunoo’s. She smiled at Jay, then, sweet as she gestured towards the aisles behind them. “Go on, then, Jongseong-ah, I’ll check you out.” 

Jay, who’d been standing there dumbly, felt his skin prick with embarrassment under both of their eyes. “Ah, right.” He swallowed, sneaking a glance at Sunoo’s reddening face and scurrying off toward the coolers. 

Sunoo approached him after a few moments of hushed whispering that Jay tried incredibly hard not to look as though he was eavesdropping on. It proved futile, anyway- all he ended up getting was a hissed stop it, and a sharp no, you stop it. “Hey, hyung.” Sunoo greeted, looking horribly tense. 

Jay smiled awkwardly at him, painfully aware of Sunoo’s sister’s eyes on them from her spot behind the counter. “Hi, Sunoo. What’s, um-” He lowered his voice considerably. “What’s going on?” 

Sunoo shrugged noncommittally. “Noona’s working today,” He mumbled, looking particularly upset about the fact.

Jay nodded slowly, aware of the development. “Yeah, I noticed.” He stared at Sunoo curiously. “But I mean, I thought you hated working here.”

Instantly, Sunoo’s eyes narrowed. “Things can change, hyung.” He retorted, gaze flitting sharply to the ground. 

Jay raised his arms in surrender, a little taken aback at the vehemence. “Sorry,” He said instantly, rubbing his cheek as he watched Sunoo burn a hole into his sister’s back. “Well, er- I’m going fishing.” He gestured vaguely to the drinks in his palm.

Sunoo nodded, still looking grumpy. “Cool,” He muttered. 

And perhaps it was because Sunoo, for the first time, looked as though he was floundering more than Jay was, but something in Jay must have escaped his nerves because then he was hearing himself ask, in a strangely steady voice- “Do you wanna come with?” 

Somehow, that, too, quickly became something of an added development. Jay would visit the store and on the days Sunoo wasn’t working, he would tag along with him to the lake, his mother’s fishing rod in tow. It was near alarming how seamlessly he fit in amongst the three of them, but Jay wasn’t sure why he was taken aback at all- after all, his grandparents fawned over Sunoo as if he were the breadwinner for their entire livelihood. 

(Jay was only slightly bitter about this.)

“Oh, don’t be jealous,” Sunoo’d cooed at Jay when Jay’s grandmother pinched at his cheek.

That was yesterday, when Sunoo’s shift had ended the moment Jay’d arrived and he’d met Jay outside before Jay could even come in. Jay had rolled his eyes, bit back his own smile when Sunoo giggled alongside Jay’s grandmother. 

Even stranger, Jay found himself going to go fish even when his grandparents weren’t in the mood for it. Thrilled by his initiation, though, they’d send him off with snacks and a bucket and the ‘good bait’, never batted so much as an eye when Jay came home sweaty and sheepish and haul-less. His grandfather had even gifted him his old bike for the road, ignoring Jay’s mildly hysterical “where have you been hiding this” with a pointed flair. 

Sunoo, who was always game to join Jay on these escapades, also wasn’t too phased by Jay’s change in heart.

“I thought you hated fishing,” was all he said the first day Jay arrived at the store without his grandparents’ sitting in the far distance. His faded pink hair billowed beneath gusts of humid wind, eyes intent as they searched Jay’s. 

“Well, you know,” Jay’d held his gaze and swallowed, felt his stomach sort of take a dive when Sunoo’s lip quirked upward. “Things can change, can’t they?” 

___

A few nights later, Jay got a phone call from his parents in the middle of ironing his grandparents’ clothes in the living room.

He tucked his ear against his phone as he listened to them speak, hummed along as his mother updated him on what was happening over in Seattle. From the glass window, he could make out his grandfather tending to the garden, from the kitchen, the sizzling of onions in oil from his grandmother. 

“We miss and love you, honey,” His mother added when she’d finished speaking. “We do,” His father chirped in the distance. “And how is it over at your grandparents? Are you being a good guest?”

Jay contemplated the question, shutting off the iron and putting the phone on speaker as he folded the nearest shirt. “Miss and love you guys too,” He echoed back. “And I’m, uh-” He thought for a moment. “Well, I’m actually having a really good time, here,” He said it honestly, thinking about his grandparents teaching him and Sunoo how to sing to birds early this morning. “And yeah, I think I’m being a decent guest. I’m folding Harabeoji’s briefs right now.”  

His parents made identical sounds of approval. “We’re so proud of you,” His father gushed. “Have you been spending a lot of time with your grandparents? Are you learning how to fish?” 

Jay nodded, carefully stacking the briefs on his grandfather’s pile of folded clothes. “Yeah, actually, they’re teaching me and Sunoo Kim from the convenience store how to fish- it’s a very long process..” He giggled a little. “Still, though, it’s kind of fun.” His voice went soft, remembering the way his grandfather had made him and Sunoo pose ridiculously with the fishing rods a few days ago, the selcas the three of them’d taken yesterday afternoon when the sky was purple.

“I think I actually missed them more than I expected myself to,” He admitted. “But yeah, I mean- I guess I do like it here.”

There was a slight movement from the hallway. Jay whipped his head up instantly, and nearly jumped out of his skin when he caught eyes with his grandmother. She stood at the hallway entrance, wrinkled fingers wrapped around her spatula, eyes sparkling.

Jay flushed when she leveled on him a gentle smile. “Yeah,” He said again, slowly, a smile of his own splitting through his mouth as he watched her hobble off down the hallway, humming to herself. “Yeah, I like it a lot here.” 

___

About a month and a half into Jay’s summer, the humidity only seemed to be getting worse. This afternoon, the sun was scorching a heat so unbearable that Sunoo’d gone ahead and closed all the blinds, looking about a second away from melting onto the counter when Jay’d entered the store. 

“Good to see you’re alive and well, vampire-ssi,” Jay saluted, snickered when Sunoo flipped him off. “Working the afternoon shift these days?”

Sunoo made a face. He was flicking through the scratch tickets on the counter  aimlessly, looking particularly bored. “Nothing’s really designated,” He grumbled, tossing the tickets aside and pushing palms through sweaty hair. “I just work whatever times my parents need me to.” 

Jay tossed a wince over his shoulder as he approached the drinks cooler. “Seems susceptible to exploitation,” He called, pulling out two Sprites. The door shut as he turned, giggled at Sunoo’s flat stare. “I’m kidding. Jeez.”

Sunoo’s smile was wry as he rang up Jay’s order, took one of the drinks without asking if it was even his to begin with. “Yeah, well,” He sank back into his seat, twisting open the cap and leveling Jay with a regretful look. “Maybe I’m beginning to regret not faking taking online classes like Jake did.” 

“Jake’s not necessarily the greatest role-model, from what I know and have heard of him,” Jay pointed out.

Sunoo shrugged, gestured to the swivel chair beside him, and Jay took a seat, flopping against the grimy cushion and not blinking twice at the horrible screech it made. “You might be right,” Sunoo decided with a grin. “But it would be nice to have more time to best you in catching fish, too.” He puffed up his chest, smile glittering with pride. “Remember last week?”

Oh, how Jay remembered. “I’m so excited I could eat this raw,” Sunoo’d exclaimed upon catching a rather doleful-looking bluegill fish completely independently, and then him and Jay had to sit through a 30 minute lecture from his grandparents as to why they were absolutely never to do that, ever, unless you want tapeworms and weeks spent in a hospital bed- “Do I ever,” Jay said dryly, leaning back against his seat and grimacing at the memory. 

Sunoo giggled, standing up stand across from Jay. “As if we could forget our first lesson on that, anyway, right?” He mused, pressing his palms against the counter behind him. 

Jay nodded, still leaning back in the chair, ignoring the warning shrieks it was cranking out. “Exactly, that’s what I’m saying-” He gestured wildly with both arms. It was a mistake. The chair snapped, then, and Jay went diving toward the ground, seat giving way beneath him. Crack.

Metal clattered against floor. There was a horrible moment of pure silence. 

“You just-” Sunoo’s eyes slowly widened as he spoke, hands tightening around the bottle of Sprite as he took in Jay’s dismal sight. “You just broke it.” 

“Shut up,” Jay begged, his ass aching against the linoleum floor. “Please, for the love of-”

“You broke it,” Sunoo’s voice sounded high-strung, his smile slightly strained. “You broke the chair.”

Jay’s skin went purple with embarrassment, shoving his face down into his bruised knees. Sunoo laughed so hard his skin was matching his hair, and the pink didn’t leave his face when he grabbed Jay’s hands and pulled him up, squeezing once with an apologetic smile.  

“Bless you,” Sunoo told him graciously as Jay sulked, leaning over to dust off his jeans for extra measure. His eyes were sparkling with mirth, sincere as they locked onto Jay’s. “I’ve been meaning to get rid of that stupid thing, anyway.” 

___

The morning sky was a blaring deep blue from above the porch, save for the remainders of a singular white cloud floating off into open sky. Jay’s grandparents read their novels in their respective chairs, his grandfather shielding his gaze from the beating sunlight. Jay sat on a stool in between them, brow wrinkled in thought. 

It’d only been a week since he’d obliterated Sunoo’s stupid chair, and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since. He went dark red with humiliation anytime he went to the store, now, flushed furiously anytime he caught a glance of the damn cardboard box crammed full of broken chair-parts outside the store. 

Sunoo, unluckily, seemed to take note of Jay’s severe guilt. “It’s no big deal,” He insisted, not more than once. He drew eyebrows together wistfully, jut out his bottom lip in a severe pout. “Only now I’ll have to suffer, and at your hands, too..” Jay’d rolled his eyes as Sunoo cracked up, considerably less wavered. 

Still, even despite Sunoo’s strange roundabout way of assuring him that it was fine, the damn thing had continued to manage to haunt him. Jay turned to his grandparents with a sigh, cut through the silence at last. 

“You two wouldn’t happen to have, like-” He asked, gnawing at his lip. They turned to face him, expressions curious above their spectacles.  “Like, a spare rollaway chair, would you?” 

 ___

“Is this for me?” Sunoo cooed by greeting when Jay turned up at the storefront completely winded only an hour and a half later, chunky violet chair in-arm. He crossed his arms and watched with interest as Jay struggled to jam it through the narrow door opening. “How sweet of you!” 

“It’s my pleasure,” Jay glared. He looked pointedly at his own beached spot on the front step, then emphatically at the chair. Sunoo tilted his head in mock-curiosity. "Help me.” 

Snickering, Sunoo relented, met Jay at the opposite side of the chair with a passive ‘sorrrrrrry, hyung’. By some stroke of luck, they eventually were able to end up maneuvering it onto its side and into the store. Sunoo marveled at its quality, entirely pleased. Jay grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge, exhausted beyond belief.

“Take anything you want,” Sunoo kept insisting, content. He stretched back against the seat happily, pulled the lever beneath the seat to sink a few inches downward. “From now on, everything for you is free.” He declared, lifted himself off the seat to pull the lever once more, crowing as it jerked back to the highest height. “Amazing.”

Jay rolled his eyes. “You’d be too easy to swindle,” He shook his head, pushed a few crumpled notes over the counter. He bit back a reluctant smile as Sunoo waved him off, too absorbed in giving the chair another spin. 

Eventually, Jay got the text from his grandmother that lunch was ready. Sunoo followed him down the steps as he made his way outside. Before Jay could bid him farewell, Sunoo leaned forward. “Um- hyung,” He reached out like he wanted to grab Jay’s arm, let it hang by his side when Jay turned around. 

“Whats up?” Jay asked. 

“Well, I was wondering..” Sunoo hesitated. “Do you maybe want to hang out tonight?” 

Blinking, Jay felt his stomach flip. “Hang out?” He repeated stupidly. 

Sunoo nodded, looking rather nervous. “Yeah, like. We could go to the lake, or something.”  He shifted on his feet, looking terribly focused on the sodden pavement near Jay’s sneakers. “You don’t have to.” 

Jay wasn’t sure why the proposition made his heart gallop the way it did. Him and Sunoo, by technicality, hung out everyday. Wasn’t him bothering him at the store hanging out? It wasn’t a massive shift in setting, either, the lake- they frequented the docks some afternoons, fished even though they were both awful at it. Jay’s heart rate calmed a bit. It would be fine . It would.  

He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I mean, yeah- that sounds good.” He tried for an easygoing smile. 

Sunoo beamed. “Really? Awesome.” He backed up down the sidewalk and looked about a million times more relieved. “And don’t bail out on me!” He called, wagging a finger threateningly for good measure.  

“I won’t,” Jay waved. He winced the moment he turned around to slink off down the street. Couldn’t if I wanted to. 

___

“I’m not sure if I should be offended or not that you two are so eager to see me leave,” Jay grumped that evening, pocketing his phone with a scoff after receiving a rather unprecedented “I’m ready slow-hyung” text from Sunoo. 

His grandparents followed him to the door, smiles unwavering even under his suspicious eyes. “We’re just happy to see you talking to your old friends,” His grandma explained. She patted Jay’s cheek. “It’s nice to see you boys all grown up and still getting along after all this time.” 

Jay wrinkled his nose. “I guess,” He muttered half-heartedly, wriggling into his sneakers.

He hadn’t considered how him and Sunoo’s new friendship might have boded in his grandparent’s eyes, having watched them as grimy little pre-pubescent kids first before growing into.. whatever it was they were now. Jay, a stubborn loudmouth- a hybrid between the most open-minded and somehow still the pickiest person to ever exist, Heeseung had once declared him. 

Jay had begged to differ. “I also have an impeccable sense of fashion.” He pointed out. 

Heeseung’d looked supremely disgusted with him. “An emphasis on the pickiness, please.”

Still, at the very least, Jay would argue that Sunoo was harder to take in to after all this time. Sure, he remained soft-spoken and shiny-eyed, but Sunoo was now also orange-haired and offensively quick-witted. He smiled slow and talked thoughtful, took his time like he knew he had some to spare. He was taller now, too, lorded those few centimeters he had over Jay with unspoken pride, took long strides to prove it, had hands that were big and soft-looking. Jay felt something in his stomach twist, suddenly, felt his cheeks get warm. 

Alright, he modified begrudgingly. So maybe we’re not as disturbing as I imagined us to be. 

His grandfather opened the front door, stepping after Jay onto the porch. Jay made his way down the steps, and then stopped. Turning, he shifted awkwardly on his feet. “Uh,” He blinked, feeling weirdly guilty for leaving the two of them alone. “I’ll be back in 40.”

His grandmother tutted. “There’s no hurry, dear,” She assured him. “The village is beautiful in the nighttime.”

“Yes, enjoy your youth!” His grandpa added eagerly, taking a swig from his mug and gazing up at the darkening sky. “Weather’s nice, anyway.”

“Gosh,” Jay said flatly. “You guys are terrible influences.” 

He watched them chuckle together and cracked a grin despite himself, faltering on his way off the steps. “I’ll be back in 40,” He called again, more insistently. He grabbed his bike from where it was propped against the railings lining the porch, swung a leg over the seat and flushed at his grandmother’s softening smile. “Right, then. Uh, bye!” 

___

Evening heat clamped onto Jay’s skin as he biked through the alleys, buzzing notes of a George song simmering through his headphones and vibrating through to his chest. Sunoo was waiting for him by the storefront, looking nice in a thin orange t-shirt, black jeans baggy around the knees. 

“So,” Jay greeted, braking by the sidewalk and hopping off his bike. “You wanna fish, or something?” 

Sunoo’s smile looked almost fond. “Hyung, you’re well aware of our combined lack of skill,” He reminded him, nodded down toward the lake. Jay lent his bike against the staircase, trailing right after him. 

“Yours,” He modified. Sunoo nudged him off the sidewalk. “Give it up.”  

The wind was less thick in the night-time, blew Sunoo’s hair off his forehead as he scuttled around the lakefront for flat rocks to fling into the water. Jay mimicked him, pocketed a few of the tinier ones for safekeeping. “Do you miss Seattle?” Sunoo asked him at one point, fingers closing and opening around the rock in his palm as he faced Jay. 

Jay studied him, startled by the sudden question. “Now?” 

Sunoo shrugged. “I dunno.” He dropped the rock, and it thudded into sand with a soft whump. “Anytime.” He squinted into the horizon pointedly, trained on the dying sun. “You never visited here before now, so. I figured you might miss Washington.”

Jay’s stomach turned, breath faltering in his throat. Somehow, he had guessed that this conversation would have taken place somewhere down the line, a topic that seemed so harmless and yet so fragile. Sunoo wouldn’t meet his gaze, almost like he sensed Jay’s trepidation. 

“I do,” Jay spoke at last, soft and truthful. “I miss Seattle, I mean.” 

Sunoo hummed, tossed rocks into the waves like he was watering plants into life. The sky was bleeding blue. Jay’s fingers itched at his sides, and he outstretched a hand toward the dying horizon, grasped thick air like it would somehow give him the breaths he felt he needed to speak coherently.

“But-” He inhaled deeply, and met Sunoo’s gaze when he turned to stare at him. “I missed my grandparents. And I missed this place.” He smiled, scratching his neck a bit shyly before adding- “And after I got over your monstrous growth spurt, I.. I might have missed you, too.” 

Sunoo’s giggle was drenched in amusement of a decade’s worth time. “I missed you too, obviously," He shot back, kind and earnest and easy.

The sky died at last. Sunoo stared up at it for a moment, an abandoned star. 

“Your grandparents are waiting for you,” His smile was soft in his voice. “Let’s go, hyung.” 

Even though Jay insisted it wasn’t necessary, Sunoo walked him back to the front gate of his grandparent’s house, exactly 40 minutes later as Jay had promised his grandmother. Mosquitos thrummed in the air above them, nibbling at what they could reach of their skin. Sunoo batted them away distractedly. 

Right before Jay could bid him goodnight, Sunoo spoke, rather abruptly. “I’m glad, you know.” 

“About what?” Jay breathed. 

 “That you missed this place,” Sunoo's eyes crinkled. “I’m glad.” 

Jay let out a breath.  “I figure I’ll miss it more when I leave this summer.”

Sunoo’s voice was wistful, barely above a whisper. “Me too.” 

___

And so, like all things were lately, meeting up with Sunoo in the evening became an added new development to Jay’s lengthening daily routine for the next month onward. 

Now, he would wake up to go fishing, visit Sunoo at the market and/or drag him along to the lake, go home for lunch, and then, (to the still rather absurd excitement of his grandparents) bid his grandparents farewell to trudge along to the convenience store, once more. 

Kim Sunoo would meet him outside the door, always impatient with Jay’s arrival time and always clad in something alarmingly bright.

“When you blend into the shadows and get run over in the nighttime,” He would retort back, reasoning sound. “You’ll remember my reflective gear.”

They’d tromp off toward the lake, and Jay’s sneaker soles would sink through sand steadily as Sunoo would scour for rocks the size of his head, flinging them into the water with a surprising amount of strength. They’d remain there, talk about trivial matters if either of them were inclined, stare up into endless sky until their heads spun, until Jay’s half-hour alarm went off.

When it did, Jay would roll his eyes when Sunoo made him walk him back to the store, wait until he locked up the store doors from the inside, bite back a reluctant smile when Sunoo’d wave at him sheepishly from the windows. He’d bike through the alleys back home to the sound of his gears squeaking lowly, humid evening air rolling against the back of his neck in breaths. The night was more forgiving when Jay took what it had to offer in, he realized, so he took his route back to the house as slow as he could. 

He’d arrive at last, turn the knob to the front door slowly, poke his head in the family room. His grandparents would be half asleep in front of the television, and he’d shake one of their arms gently, tell them he’d made it back okay. He’d wonder if it was necessary to text Sunoo the same thing, always choosing to send a singular message saying so in the end. 

Sunoo’d respond instantly, (A prompt ‘ok good’ or a ‘cya tmrw’ or occasionally a ‘still think you should wear the reflective vest’ in tow) and Jay would feel the skin at his cheeks prick with warmth, and most times they’d text a little longer, most times he’d fall asleep mid-response, most times Sunoo’d greet him with all the smugness of a middle school boy the afternoon following, teases curled at the ready.

“Falling asleep at 9:30 PM? Man,” Sunoo would snicker, shaking his head in disbelief, eyes bright, smile bright, sunlight bright. His fingers would clamp themselves around Jay’s shoulder as he laughed, spark his skin through the fabric, and time would accelerate forward through every shared smile, every fish caught, every dying sun. “You amaze me.” 

___

The next development was eons more extreme, served eons more detriments. Still, a development was a development, and Jay documented them while his functioning braincells could. 

The weekend before the second to last week of Jay’s stay, Sunoo was left alone for a singular night to take care of the store. “Hyung, I’m telling you,” The younger boy was insisting for what felt like the 17th time that afternoon. Jay stared back at him intently, brow furrowed so hard it was beginning to hurt. “They’re only going into Seoul, it’s not a massive deal.” 

Jay, despite knowing the town was tiny and nothing virtually harmful could happen to the store in a village where everybody knew nearly everybody’s business, couldn’t help but simmer in worry for the younger boy’s safety anyway.

“But why are they leaving you alone?” Jay insisted. “If it’s a family trip, why didn’t they offer to take you, too?” 

“They did offer to take me, dumbass.” Sunoo muttered this at the ground. “I go with them every year.”

“Don’t call me dumbass,” Jay shot back automatically, before blanching. “Wait, what?” He peered at Sunoo, bewildered. “So then why didn’t you go this time?” 

Sunoo shrugged vaguely, ears going slightly pink. “I’m not sure how you have this much capacity to worry,” He marveled instead of answering, tone signaling that he was finished talking about his family’s trip. “Your head seems far too small for all this concern.” 

Jay flushed hot. “That’s just rude,” He griped. “I can’t believe this is what I get for trying to look out for you, wow. You could get robbed, you know.” 

Sunoo’s eyes glinted, and he tipped forward on his stool, pushing his face into Jay’s breathing space with raised eyebrows. He cooed, voice pitched high exaggeratedly, “Would you feel better if I locked you and I both inside here, hyung?” 

Jay’s stomach fluttered instantly. “Shut up,” He sputtered, pushing Sunoo away by the shoulders and glaring when he collapsed into hysterics. 

Somewhere along the line, Sunoo’d begun to get more risky. The behavior seemed to stem solely from the night Jay’d admitted he missed Sunoo, like he’d thereon opened a floodgate of Sunoo prodding more reactions out of him by saying and doing outlandish things. Such included (but were not limited to) smothering Jay’s cheeks with his palms and calling him cutie-pie , telling Jay he looked nice in boring white t-shirts, buying him snacks on his own free will- Jay would be lying if he said it wasn’t a little unnerving. More-so because of how much he seemed to, well- rather like some of the attention.

And here he is, doing it again, Jay thought faintly, heart hammering against his chest desperately as Sunoo puckered his lips at him.

“I can protect us both, hyung-nim,” he assured Jay, words stringing out of shiny red lips, saccharine sweet.  

“I don't need your protection,” Jay snapped back shakily, glancing up at him and immediately away.

And perhaps it was then, when Sunoo’s shrewd smile only grew and Jay’s stomach burned to its shriveled core, where Jay knew he was in far too deep to turn back. 

___

Jay visited the store the same night, and this time it was both after hours and also against his grandparent’s knowledge. Sunoo had texted him right before Jay’d started to brush his teeth, a simple but alarming, “can you come to the store, hyung, hurry it’s urgent."

Jay, automatically assuming the worst, sent back a hasty “omw make sure to lock the doors”. Instantly, he dropped his toothbrush and hurried into the foyer, slipping into the nearest pair of sneakers and lacing them up messily. In the meantime, his mind raced through worst case scenarios. Oh fuck, what if Sunoo’s getting robbed? Jay felt his stomach churn at the thought, head pounding horribly. After peeking into the hallway to make sure his grandparents were still asleep, he snuck out the front door and biked so fast down the alleyways to the market that he thought he could feel cold blood pumping in his throat. 

Sunoo, to his credit, seemed to have been waiting for Jay’s arrival. The door flung open before Jay could even knock, and Sunoo’s smirk looked slightly shaken.

“Were you scared?” He asked Jay by greeting, eyes reddened around the edges. 

Jay glared halfheartedly at him, relief almost nauseating when he saw that Sunoo and the market both appeared relatively unharmed. “No,” He lied after a slight beat, pushing past Sunoo to get into the store. “What the hell is up with you? I thought you finally got robbed.” 

“You make it sound like you were anticipating it,” Sunoo complained, following Jay in and locking the door shut behind them.

The store looked eerie swallowed in the darkness, blinds closed shut and the lights flipped off. Jay bit down a slight shudder, adrenaline slowly leaving his system as the two of them stood there for a moment in front of the vacated aisles. Suddenly, with a dawning sense of doom, Jay was keenly reminiscent of the reason he got made fun of so much when he was younger.

Sunoo seemed to take note of this as well, his voice lilting in amusement when Jay stepped hesitantly across the counter.

“So if I was getting mugged, you would have come to save me completely empty-handed.” He observed, settling in his swivel chair and surveying Jay’s weaponless self with pointed eyes.  

Jay was thankful for the darkness, because his cheeks felt like they were burning a furious red. “You’re underestimating my hand-to-hand combat skills,” He stammered, flushed deeper when Sunoo giggled. “Can you tell me why you called me here, already?” Snapped Jay, mortified. 

Sunoo stopped laughing. “Alright,” He sighed, smile looking like it more of a wince than anything. He averted his gaze when Jay shot a glance at him, voice practically a mumble. “You kind of got in my head about the whole robbing thing.” 

Shit. Instantly, something in Jay’s chest shattered and tightened at the same time. “Ah, fuck. Sorry." He wrinkled his brow, feeling awkward. “Do you want to- you want to come over to my grandparents place?”

Sunoo grimaced, shaking his head. "No," He bit down on his lip in contemplation, smile defeated. "It's fine, hyung."

"No, really-" Jay pulled on his fingers as he spoke, feeling ridiculously restless. “They won’t be bothered, or anything. Obviously.” 

"It's fine," Sunoo said again, more insistently. “Just..” He glanced at Jay under long bangs, and Jay felt his heart hammer stupidly in his chest, held the younger boy's gaze with effort.

“Can you just stay here for a little bit?” Sunoo asked at last, quiet and sincere. 

Jay blinked, slightly rattled by Sunoo’s earnesty. “Yeah,” He found himself agreeing. “Yeah, sure, Sunoo.”

The night felt thin in the market, conversation sparse between them. Sunoo plugged his phone in and played music out of the store speakers when Jay mentioned that the store was terrifying all silent, but ultimately seemed more lost in thought than anything. Jay didn’t press him for anything more, just rested his head against the surface of the counter and slipped in and out of consciousness. 

Finally, though, as the hum of the refrigerators chorused together in tandem with Mac Miller's Good News, Sunoo swiveled in his seat to face Jay, voice alight with a strange spark of determination. 

“I have a question,” He said. 

“Hm?” Jay lifted his head to glance at him. 

Sunoo looked thoughtful. “Did you ever kiss any of the boys we used to hang out with, back then?”

 Jay nearly choked, stomach instantly crashing into itself. “I’m sorry?” He near barked.

“Did you?” Sunoo insisted. 

“Um. Not to my knowledge?” God, why was Jay sweating? “What- have you?” He asked, hoping to divert the attention from himself and his sudden sopping forehead.

Sunoo nodded, looking unaffected. “Yeah," He relayed, completely casual. "Sunghoon-hyung.”

Jay fought back another noise that was struggling to escape his throat, unsure why his chest hurt so much at the information. “Ah.” He blinked, forcing an amicable smile. 

Sunoo watched him under curled lashes, pretty and long. His smile was irritatingly knowing. “But it was a penalty for a game,” He said gently, like he was assuring Jay. “And it was only once.” 

“I don’t-” I don’t care who you’ve kissed, Jay wanted to say boldly, but only heard himself muttering a rather petulant sounding “good” under his breath.

Instantly, he clamped a hand over his mouth. “I mean. I don’t really-” His voiced trailed off when Sunoo’s eyes crinkled with unbidden delight, and Jay quickly looked away, feeling absolutely ridiculous. He blamed it on the late hours, he never was able to contain his goddamn mouth when he stayed up, his skewered mental alarm always ended up biting him in the ass-

Sunoo pulled Jay’s hand off his mouth, fingers warm around his wrist. “Good,” He repeated, smile wide. He scooted forward on his chair, knees pressing against Jay’s thigh as he leaned in. “Oh, come on, why are you embarrassed, hyung?”  

“Because it’s selfish,” Jay moaned, still reeling in humiliation, neck on fire. 

Sunoo’s eyes were positively glittering. “Selfish because you want to kiss me?” He prodded. 

For a long moment, Jay said nothing. Sunoo waited patiently, gaze unwavering.

At last, Jay admitted through a sigh, voice cracked and weak. "Yeah, Sunoo, obviously." 

Sunoo’s laugh fell soft, pleased. “Was that so hard to say?” He teased, .

"Shut up," Jay pleaded, near desperation. He couldn't handle this, not right now, not ever- "Shut up."

“Hyung," Sunoo sounded exasperated, fingers around Jay's arm squeezing once, iterative. "Hyung, I want to kiss you, too.”

Jay jolted, whipping his head up to gawp at the younger boy. “And also, for the record, I don’t think it’s selfish at all.” Sunoo’s skin was brushed a faint yellow by the curls of light beaming in from the door slots, voice soft and intent. His smile was red. “Anyway, aren’t friends those that share?” 

“That’s sick and you know it,” Jay breathed back dazedly, stomach twisting tightly into itself.

Sunoo only shrugged, let go of Jay's wrist to wave him off. “Sunghoon will survive.” He patted his thighs twice, tone expectant and his smile leering. “Now come on over and get your kiss, hyung.”

He beckoned Jay forth with what looked to be freshly painted nails, a swirling reddish-orange color under the flickering orange lights. They curled inward before raised eyebrows, and Jay felt a flush creep steadily up his neck the second he realized what was being asked of him. 

Sunoo the brave, Jay and the kids had tagged him on the regular. That was during a time when Sunoo would be the first one enlisted for tribute, during group escapades into haunted basements and attics and bathrooms and so forth- never under the precedence of wanting to prove himself to the lot of them, merely chasing whatever thrill that was available through the dullness of a still summer day. Sunoo the unbeatable, they’d called him, cheered him on when he’d emerge unscathed from each caper, Sunoo the brave!

Appropriately so, Jay thought weakly, throat drying as Sunoo kicked his chair closer to him. The moniker had certainly made a point to prevail. 

Sunoo didn’t seem at all put off by the delay in Jay’s response. “You going to just stand there?” He teased.

Jay’s voice shook, fingers fumbling uselessly with the ends of his shirt. “I dunno,” He confessed. “I might crush you.”

Sunoo’s giggles furled through the space between them, syllables cutting through thick air. Jay winced, cheeks burning.

“You wish,” He replied, completely sincere as he yanked Jay in by the hands. 

His smile was pretty when Jay stumbled forward, sharpened when he fell haphazardly into his lap. “Isn’t this better?” Sunoo asked it curiously, like he genuinely wanted to know. 

Jay swallowed with difficulty, attempted to adjust himself on Kim Sunoo’s strangely sturdy thighs through burning red cheeks. “Don’t blame me if I break your legs,” He mumbled in favor of an answer, determined not to let his mortification show. 

Sunoo grinned. “I won’t,” He promised. His fingers felt hot as they gripped around the fabric of Jay’s clothed hips, and he bit down on his lip when Jay tensed. “Relax,” He laughed. “This is okay,” He added, softer. 

Jay’s mind felt a bit shot as he nodded, faint as Sunoo’s pretty hands pulled his face towards his own with a gentle tug. 

The muffled notes of some 2000’s pop song was playing, now, streaming steadily from the dated speakers hanging precariously from the ceiling tiles. Sunoo didn’t move any further, smiled at Jay patiently, like he was waiting for him to take the next step.

So Jay did. Squeezed his eyes shut and closed that seven centimeter gap, kissed Sunoo Kim right on his pretty mouth. 

It went as it would, to be expected. Gentle pecks first, quiet brushes to flushed cheeks, hands fumbling on shoulders awkwardly. Everything felt slightly hazy, only partially whole, like half Jay’s body had completely shut off the moment Sunoo’s lips went anywhere near his skin. Jay melted into his touch like a feeble cube of ice to a flame’s slight breath, so weak it felt inevitable. 

It didn’t mean he hadn't tried to rework himself back to earth, though.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay, though, really-” Jay tried asking in between kisses, words coming out choppy as Sunoo moved his mouth to his neck, mouth hot and wet, tongue dragging across skin.

He squirmed, tried to focus on what he was trying to say without going completely brain-dead. “You can- you can sleep in the guest room and I can take the living room sofa-” 

Sunoo sighed, pushed Jay’s chest and leveled him with an unimpressed expression. “Hyung, please.” His hair was disheveled, shiny lips curling in its smile. Jay found it awfully hard to look away.

“Focus,” Sunoo breathed, eyes softening, fingers scalding against his skin, deft as they pried themselves under Jay’s shirt. 

Jay swallowed, bit down something guttural as Sunoo’s hands crept up his chest. 

How am I supposed to leave this place , something desperate in the back of his brain wondered, again and again and again. Once when Sunoo cradled his face and whispered something barely coherent against his lips, again when Sunoo wrapped fingers around his shoulders and sucked his tongue, once more when Sunoo pressed his lips to Jay’s forehead through sweaty bangs, kissed his burning mouth sweet and soft. How am I supposed to leave at all.

In the darkness, the neon lights from the OPEN sign washed Sunoo’s features faint. Jay felt himself push his fingers forward, fluttering over Sunoo’s glowing face. 

“Don’t worry,” Sunoo’s voice was amused, a hoarse coo. “I’m here.” 

“I know,” Jay lied, stomach muddled with fire. “I know.”

___

They never talked about the present time and how little they had left of it, Jay and Sunoo. Four days were left of Jay’s trip, now, and Jay felt like he was at a loss. What will happen to us, he wondered sometimes, felt restless and silly most times. 

He’d tried to hint at it yesterday evening, right after sundown on the rocks beneath the docks at the lake. “Do you ever think about time?” Jay’d asked, tentatively as Sunoo scooped up pebbles and tossed them into the waves. 

“What do you mean?” Sunoo pushed wet sand off his fingertips, eyebrows scrunched. 

“Like,” Jay swallowed, wracked his brain. “We don’t have a lot of it.” He said lamely. 

Sunoo said nothing. The spread of rocks he was balanced on clacked against each other dubiously, but he managed to stay stable. Finally, he stared up at Jay under a rolling sky.

“A few weeks ago,” He started, voice low. “You said you might miss this place more when you leave.” 

Jay nodded. “Yeah, I did.” 

Sunoo stood, wrapped cool fingers around Jay’s wrist and held on. “Did you mean it?” He asked, voice sounding a bit strained. 

Jay faced him as well, bewildered. “Of course I meant it, Sunoo, are you kidding?”  

Something in Sunoo’s face shifted. Suddenly Jay was being yanked forward, a firm kiss planted messily to his chin. “What-” He choked out, bewildered, but Sunoo cut him off. 

“I’m worried you won’t,” He whispered bitterly, eyes glinting sharply under the moonlight when Jay opened his mouth to argue. “Don’t look at me like that, hyung- It’s a valid fear, you know.”

When Jay stared into Sunoo’s face, something in his heart felt like it was tearing into itself. Pure alarm was written in Sunoo’s eyebrows, cramming together as he clamored forward into Jay’s personal space. Almost desperately, he pressed another kiss to Jay’s lips, stealing his breath as he tugged his shoulders in, little to no coordination at all. Jay squeaked, stumbling back a bit, catching Sunoo around the waist. 

“Sunoo-yah,” He gasped when they pulled away, stared at him in shock. His mouth stung as he searched Sunoo’s expression, gut twisting at the way Sunoo looked about a second away from sobbing. “Sunoo,” He blinked, understanding. Awkwardly, he placed a hand to Sunoo’s cheek, cupped it as gentle as he could. Sunoo stared back at him, bottom lip trembling. 

“I’m going to miss this.” Jay promised. I’m going to miss you. 

___

That night, in the midst of packing, something built like a blockade slammed through Jay’s brain. Sliding into the hallway, he made a beeline towards his grandparents room, knocking twice before bursting in. 

“Jongseong?” His grandfather asked, peering at him over his glasses. His grandmother set down her laptop, his grandfather the book he was reading. “Is everything alright?” 

“Do you think it’s pointless,” Jay uttered in lieu of a reply, fully aware that he was coming off a bit unhinged. “Do you think it’s pointless to say something that someone already knows?” 

His grandparents looked at each other. “Jongseong-ah,” His grandmother spoke slowly. “Is there something you’d like to talk about?”

For some ridiculous reason, Jay felt his eyes well up, his voice going thick. Fuck, this was so embarrassing. “Please, just answer the question.”   

His grandfather sat upright, eyes concerned as he shared a glance with his grandmother. “Well, Jongseong, I’m not sure what to tell you,” He took off his glasses, sighing through his nose. “Depending on what it is, of course, I suppose it would lie in the foundation of the relationship you share with that person.” 

“Meaning?” Jay whispered. 

His grandfather looked thoughtful for a moment. “Meaning it might not be necessary to say so, but even so, the reiteration could be helpful.” He scrubbed a hand over his chin.

Reiteration. Of course. Maybe I’m worried you’ll just forget. It’s a valid fear, you know. Jay felt his chest itch, his eyes burn. He needed to tell Sunoo, he realized, terror and understanding dawning on him in equal parts. He needed to tell Sunoo how he felt. 

“Jongseong, darling,” His grandmother’s voice was soft, her smile a little wet. “Be safe on your way down to the market.”

Sunoo was closing up shop when Jay arrived at the storefront, bike falling haphazardly against the steps as he turned to wave up at the boy through the glass. Sunoo stopped dusting, squinting at the sight of him and immediately hurrying over to the door. 

“Hyung?” Sunoo hissed, scampering down the steps to meet Jay at the sidewalk. “What the hell are you-”

Jay cut him off before he lost his nerve. “I like you.” He blurted. “A lot.” 

He balled his hands into fists as he shoved them deep into his hoodie pockets, heart in his mouth. Sunoo stopped in his tracks, looking taken aback more than anything.

“Hyung,” He sighed, voice gentle. 

Jay sucked in a sharp breath, barreling on while he still could. “Um, that’s all I really wanted to tell you. I figured you already knew, but my grandparents said it wouldn’t hurt to reiterate the point.” He winced, hadn’t taken into consideration just how mortifying confessing was, let alone admitting part of it was at the behest of his grandparents. “I- I’ll be heading back home, now.” 

He turned on his foot to grab ahold of his bicycle, chest stinging with humiliation. A hand closed firmly around his wrist before he could make it any further, stopping him short. 

Jay blinked. Sunoo stared back at him, his eyes shimmering a bit under the green lamppost lights. 

“Jeez, hyung,” He bit his bottom lip as he pulled Jay closer, gaze darting across Jay’s face. “Don’t you leave tomorrow?” Sunoo's voice shook, just the tiniest bit when Jay nodded once. “As expected, your timing is shitty.”

Sunoo surged in and kissed him then, soft and intent, hands warm as they cupped Jay’s jaw. When he finally pulled away, Jay felt as though his head were spinning. Faintly, he wondered if he would ever get used to Kim Sunoo’s lips on his. If he would ever get used to them not being on his. If he could ever get used to Kim Sunoo, in general. 

“Me too, hyung.” Sunoo’s breath was warm as it hit Jay’s chin, curled as his smile twined at the sides. His eyes were glassy, looked like the waves did when their rocks hit the surface. “I like you lots, too.”

___

There was a giant cramp lodged in the back of Jay’s chest the final morning of his stay. He made the mistake of voicing this over an early breakfast, distractedly chewing on a block of tofu.  His grandparents didn’t waste any time jumping to their conclusions. 

“Clearly,” His grandmother tutted. “You haven’t entirely paid your dues.” 

Jay wasn’t sure what she meant by that, and was especially dismayed when she hurried him out of the house with a resounding ‘rid the gap’. “So you came to bug me?” Sunoo was asking him, now, pleased smile betraying his tone when Jay’d finished explaining why he’d come to the market this early in the morning. 

“Oh, shut up,” Jay rolled his eyes. He reached over to poke Sunoo in the forehead, giggled when Sunoo batted him off with a taunting smile. 

About a half a beat later, a thrilled “Jongseong-ah!” boomed from across the store. Jay instantly retracted his hand, schooling his face into a polite grin when Sunoo’s parents came forward, his father clapping him on the shoulder. 

As much as Jay frequented their market, he’d rarely come across the Kim’s themselves for the past few months, unless it was of Mr. Kim’s retreating back up the staircase after Sunoo took his place at the register. Absurdly, Jay realized as he returned their smiles, this was his first time actually speaking with Sunoo’s parents since the summer had begun.

“We’re in a rush right now, but we hear it’s your last day,” Mr. Kim said regretfully. Mrs. Kim nodded, reaching inside her pocket to whip out her purse. “Here, darling, keep working hard, okay?” She patted Jay’s head, pressing a few notes into his hands and smiling kindly. 

“Ah, really, it’s okay!” Jay insisted, flustered as Sunoo hid his snicker from behind his hand beside him. 

 “It’s such a pity we never got to speak much with you,” Mr. Kim clicked his tongue, shaking his head as he ruffled Sunoo’s hair. “But Sunoo here always insisted on working our afternoon shifts, so there wasn’t many opportunities for us to meet, was there?” 

“Really?” Jay asked, tone brightening in interest. He snuck a thoughtful glance at Sunoo, who looked, suddenly, incredibly interested in the ceiling cracks. “Sunoo voluntarily worked?”

“Yes!” Mrs. Kim cooed, pinching Sunoo’s cheek. “Aigoo, isn’t our son so responsible?” 

“Super responsible,” Jay agreed resolutely, biting down a yelp when Sunoo kneed him purposefully in the thigh. “Thanks, hyung,” He said sweetly, turning to his parents with raised eyebrows. “Eomma, Appa, aren’t you two going to be late??” 

“That’s right!” Mr. Kim leaned over to pat Jay’s shoulder, and Mrs. Kim pinched his cheek, too. “Study hard, okay?” She called as they walked to the door. “And make sure to come back next summer, too! We miss you!” 

There was a brief silence as Sunoo’s parents hurried out of the store. Jay watched them go, made sure they’d completely turned the corner and were out of sight before whipping to face Sunoo, smile wide with glee. 

“Really fascinating indeed, isn’t it?” He marveled, wrinkling his nose in mock-awe. 

Sunoo glared back at him, ears completely reddened. “There’s no way to confirm that my increased hours were for you and you only, Park Jongseong.” He sniffed, eyes stubborn. 

Jay looked at him with raised eyebrows. Sunoo held his gaze for a brief moment.

“Alright, fine,” He hissed a beat later, cheeks pink. “So maybe I worked a bit more so I could see you. So what.” 

The cramp in Jay’s chest throbbed painfully against his ribcage.

“So what,” He echoed, smile trembling.

Sunoo’s eyebrows drew together, mouth screwing up strangely. Abruptly, he lunged forward to drag Jay in by the hands, pulled him behind the counter. “Kiss me, already,” He demanded, and Jay had no choice but to oblige, did so through a wet giggle. 

They kissed what was left of the summer off each other’s lips, sun flaring brighter behind them, world burning bluer, the deception of endless days with endless hours skewering the skies. It blanketed them like it took pity on Sunoo’s reddening eyes, Jay’s glass heart, the blink of time they’d spent together, the lack of time they’d soon be forced to face. 

___

Sunoo blinked rapidly when Jay stood before him on the steps, shoulder pressed tentatively against the doorframe, hands clasped together in front of him. It hadn’t necessarily been an emotional ordeal, but their kisses had tasted salty after a while, and Jay’s own cheeks felt suspiciously damp when they’d finally pulled away. 

The hardest part, Jay supposed as he shielded his eyes from unforgiving sunlight, was now.

He kicked absently at the cement and felt sweat coil down his chin. Sunoo spoke first.

“You know, it’s probably a good thing that we don’t go to the same university,” He mused. 

A startled laugh crammed its way out of Jay’s throat. “Why’s that?”   

Sunoo shrugged. “I don’t think I would leave you alone,” He admitted. His grin went a bit self-deprecating. “You’d get tired of me.” 

“I could never get tired of you.” Jay blurted back, a little too instant, a little too fierce. “Don’t say- don’t-” His voice faltered off, fight dying promptly at the sight of Sunoo’s quivering lip. Silence fell in the breadth of space between them as Sunoo whipped around, pressing the heels of his palm into his eyeballs.

“Ah,” Jay blinked, voice softening as he stepped forward hesitantly. He draped an arm awkwardly around Sunoo’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, Sunoo, I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“I’m not crying because of that,” Sunoo groaned, pulled his hands away to roll teary eyes at Jay. “I’m just-” He coughed through a sniffle, drew out a shaky breath. “I’m just- Just-” He didn’t finish his sentence, looking lost.  

The village breathed around them, slow and still. Down the street, dogs barked and yipped. Tiny brown birds flew above their heads in threes, settling on branches, chirping amongst themselves. The village would always breathe, with or without them. The sky would still be blue, the air would still be thick with humidity and life, the sun would still be remorseless. Time didn’t touch this place, until it did. 

Jay outstretched a hand, and gently, pulled Sunoo’s head to his aching, cramping chest.

“I’ll call you the moment I arrive back home,” He said quietly. 

Sunoo said nothing.

Jay continued, swallowing harshly. “I’ll.. I can show you my kitchen. And maybe even introduce you to Heeseung-hyung, tomorrow, if you want to call then, too.” He wrinkled his nose, felt a lump gather in his throat. “You two would get along, I know it.” 

Sunoo lifted his head off Jay’s shoulder, then. “In the taxi.” He muttered. 

“Sorry?” Blinked Jay.  

Sunoo’s eyes darted across his face. “Call me once you get in the taxi.” He demanded, slightly petulant. He returned to Jay’s chest. “Hang up when you go to sleep.” He added, quieter. 

A smile tugged at Jay’s mouth. “That long?” He asked. The drive back to Seoul was a 3 hour trip. “Sure you won’t get bored?” 

“I could never get bored of you, hyung.” Sunoo shot back, echoed Jay from moments before, simple and sincere. “You know that.” 

The cramp in Jay’s chest remolded itself into an anvil. 

“I know,” He whispered, eyes stinging, because if there was one thing Sunoo had made clear for the past few months, it was that. 

And then he began to cry. Honest, warm tears that spilled steadily down his cheeks, puddled into Sunoo’s broad shoulder as the younger boy yanked him close into an embrace, wrapped lanky arms around his back and held him, held him tight without another word. Sometimes, things were too inevitable to overlook. 

Time stopped here when Sunoo let him go.

The village still breathed. The sky still tore. The sun still burned.

Time started here when Sunoo kissed him goodbye. 

___

Jay’s taxi back to Seoul pulled up to the front gate late that afternoon.

His grandparents were teary as they ushered him out. “Don’t cry, I’m not leaving forever,” Jay insisted thickly, pretending to grimace as they pressed wet kisses to his forehead and cheeks. He held his grandfather’s hand as the taxi driver hauled his luggage into the trunk, turned to his grandmother with his heart in his throat. 

“Really, though,” He said, voice cracking. “Come visit me in Seoul. Or I’ll drive here and pick you up. Or I’ll come visit again.” He swiped uselessly at his burning eyes, ah, really, the second time today. “It’s only 3 hours, it’s not even that long, when you really think about it. That’s hardly a burden.”

His grandparents shared a look, smiles identically tender, a hint of sadness coloring the wrinkles sunken under his grandfather’s eyes.

“Ah, Jongseong-ah, how well you’ve grown up.” His grandmother whispered at last, eyes shiny under the orange sun. She kissed his forehead, cupped his chin. “Go and come back to us soon.”

___

As Jay looked over his shoulder at the fading village through the backseat window, he thought about his grandmother’s words, what it would mean for him to do just that. He wondered, silently, why leaving stung harder the older he seemed to get. 

From his pocket, his phone buzzed. Ddeonu Kim, the sender’s name read, text blinking over a zoomed in photo of Sunoo’s broken swivel chair.

Jay pressed accept, maybe a bit more hastily than he would have liked to admit. “Hello?”

There was a faint rustling from the other side. “Hey, hyung,” Sunoo’s voice was a little breathless, winded into something hesitant. “Now a good time to talk?”

Jay blinked. “Good as any,” He laughed, settled back against his seat. 

Sunoo laughed a bit in return, releasing a short breath. “Good.”

The road twisted beneath oak trees, and Jay squinted through the rear windshield, wondered if he looked hard enough, he’d be able to make out Kim Sunoo tipping boredly back on a violet chair, squinting at crumbling ceiling tiles with his phone pressed to his chin. 

“Think your grandparents will go fishing, tomorrow?” Sunoo asked him, tone conversational, maybe a little gulpy if Jay gave it any more thought. "Maybe I'll tag along.”

Jay smiled, raising his eyebrows even though he knew it couldn’t be seen.

“You hate fishing,” He reminded Sunoo, resting his chin against his fists and peering out the window. They both knew he only went because he adored Jay’s grandparents, had that hideously large soft spot that he always struggled to hide. 

“I do not,” Sunoo lied through his teeth, huffing. “This is all apart of my long-winded plan to replace you as their grandson.” 

Jay gave it some thought. “They wouldn’t mind that at all,” He admitted. "They’d choose you over me in a heartbeat.” He felt his mouth split into a smile despite himself when Sunoo giggled across the line.

"I don't know about that," Sunoo chirped back, pleased. 

Jay rolled his eyes, heart fond. "Sure you don't."

He wondered if he squinted hard enough from the rear windshield, if he might be able to make out his grandparents silhouette from thousands of miles away, luxuriating in the day as they hobbled back home under the sharp blue sky.

If he looked harder, if he might make out Sunoo’s kiss-stained smile under billowing clouds, the curling ends of the waves hitting bare ankles, the laughter of his grandparents, city-boy, hyung-nim, cutie-pie.

Because these were the things worth remembering, Jay understood, then. 

He turned his gaze upward and looked into the falling sun, the coiling colors in the sky, the way they embraced the fading village in something still, something resting. The smell of strained mung beans being fried, the sound of footsteps hitting cracked ground, the clammy warmth of two sweaty hands clasped together.

These were the things that melded together, memories stolen from his past and remolded into the present, gentle reprises of time’s generosity. 

“-Hyung, focus,” Sunoo was complaining across the line, now, an hour into their conversation and completely and utterly exasperated. “What did I tell you last week? The best type of fish is eaten…?”

Jay winced out of his reverie, rolling his eyes. “Do I really have to answer this?” He pleaded. “Again, I feel like it’s a matter of personal opinion.”

Sunoo made a disapproving noise. “We have to respect Shim Jaeyun's spirit. Hyung, come on.” Jay could practically hear that stupid beam, those brightening eyes. “The best type of fish is eaten- and finish the sentence, hyung- eaten how? Eaten how, hyung?” 

Because, absurdly enough, these were the things that would have a way of coming back around. 

Jay groaned. Sunoo giggled. The world breathed, with and between them.

“Raw.”