Chapter Text
Ummm, you may wanna know how I ended up killing myself, that, your answer, simply is that it’s none of your business; and then you might overstep your boundaries and ask why I wanted to be dead in the first place? Again, it’s none of your business. But there is a long story that can answer those questions. Writing it for me is a piece of cake, but will you read it till the end? I dunno, you don’t either.
This story of answers, which is my story to be exact, doesn’t really have a starting or ending point. Although there is a point where I believe fate showed its true plans directly to me, it isn’t a normal day at my university or at work or anywhere else, it’s in my head. It’s the crazy conversations I have had with myself since as long as I can remember, and even though it doesn’t make any sense, it’s true, and it has happened. So again, there can’t be an exact day specified for the beginning of this story, But I will start writing it from the day I actually came to realize the true nature of it. Like any other Saturday morning, I was woken up by the other me mumbling about how annoying it was that I didn’t wake up by my alarm and it kept going off again and again. It started talking to me as soon as it realized I was finally awake.
Woah! You’re still alive, told you you’re gonna wake up today, so what now? Are you gonna ignore me like every morning and go and wash your hair? Really?
Yes, I did exactly that as I always did in the mornings. I answered her as I got out of my bed, heading to the bathroom to take my morning shower.
Yeah, I’m gonna do that, so what? What can you do? Nothing! Now go and rest peacefully in the place that you run away to when I deal with my nightmares.
Oh really? You wanna talk about that? Ok, but don’t beg me to come back.
Are you crazy? I’d never!
I looked at the mirror in my bathroom, not that I wanted to but rather I really couldn't escape staring into it, seeing myself in it, or what I believed was me. I could barely pass as an alive individual. My skin was pale, making anyone who saw it wonder if blood rushed under it at all, and the dark circles under my eyes didn't help make it look any better either. Blonde hair, not that I called it blonde since it was more of a white with shades of gold, and hazel eyes. I barely had any color in my face as it was, and the unhealthy way of life I lived only made things worse. I cursed at myself as I took my eyes off of the mirror, constantly asking myself why I hadn't told the butler to remove the mirror from the bathroom. I took off my pajamas, heading towards the shower. I warmed up the water, and took the comb to fix my messy hair. Then when I was finally done with combing it and adding the shampoo on it and as I washed it, I listened to her when she was going on and on about how rude I was. Not that her rumbling ever stopped, but I was busy blowing some life into my face that I didn't notice she was still at it until my mind was done taking care of my hair.
One day, I’m going to leave this house, and it is going to happen so soon.
Hah! You are only 17, even if you could, you wouldn’t be allowed to, do you think your parents will let the honor of family run away that easily?
They can’t just imprison me in this house forever! I can easily get rid of them. I’m studying for my MA right now; I’ll soon get out of this house. I know I will.
Yeah, yeah, you do that almost every day.
Do you have any problem with it?
No, sorry.
Good.
I turned off the bathroom faucet and put on my towel, and rubbed my wet hair with another towel as I walked out of the bathroom.
I wonder what today's breakfast will be.
It’s probably the same as every day, hot chocolate and French toast, your favorite.
I hope so.
OMG! FOR GOD’S SAKE! YOU ARE A DOCTOR, GIRL! YOU TELL PEOPLE TO HAVE A GOOD DIET AND YOU YOURSELF DON’T EAT THREE FOURTHS OF THE FOOD CHAIN!
So what? It’s not my fault that “three fourths of the food chain” taste like trash to me.
They may not taste good for you, but I wish you cared about me too.
You are not the one who eats them, and you receive all the nutrients you need to live a healthy life by the pills I take, so shut up. And as I hoped, here we are, my favorite breakfast.
Ew, enjoy it; I’m going back to the dark part of this…. mind.
Have a nice time there, and say hello to the monsters there.
You know what? Forget about it. I’ll just sit here and watch you, if that’s ok.
It’s ok, if you let me eat my breakfast in peace.
I will.
I ate my breakfast in some much appreciated quiet, and went to my room, wasting my time on my balcony staring at the garden.
Aren’t you going to study for the mid-term exams that are going to start in two weeks?
Shut up! It’s my free day for god’s sake! I don’t have to study all my time!
Well, I thought that you wanted to leave this house, and studying hard is necessary for that.
I HAVE MY WAY OF STUDYING! I don’t need to study hard for leaving this house.
Well, it’s your life, do whatever you like.
Will you just shut up and let me enjoy this lovely weather?!
You are the only person in the world who calls cloudy weather like this, lovely.
I rolled my eyes, even though I knew the me in my mind couldn’t see it.
I like this weather, and it will be even better when it starts raining. I will not let you ruin my better-than-usual mood.
I was wrong. That weather was not lovely at all. I mean, it was, it was just not lovely for the events that were going to happen later on.
Okay fine, enjoy yourself while you still can.
To my surprise, she really did keep quiet for a couple of hours. I brought the book I was reading to the balcony with me and started reading as I was waiting for it to rain. It was around noon when I gave up on waiting and put my book on the table near me. I stared into the depths of the mountains in front of me. The clouds made the forests foggy and gave the picture in front of me a mysterious look. I was drowned in the view, until I saw some shadows, moving quickly on the hillside. The shadows moved fast between trees, heading down. They were going to reach our garden in a few minutes at that speed. I was scared and was about to call the security, but then I was disturbed by my maid, when she knocked on the door to ask if she could bring my lunch inside. I told her to come in and when I turned back to look for the shadows again, they had disappeared. I searched everywhere with my eyes, but couldn’t find them. Later that day, I heard on the news that three tourists were murdered around the same place I saw those shadows today.