Work Text:
1.1
it started from nothing
senku
“HOW LONG DID THAT ONE GO?!!!?!”
“....... looks like it went ..ten meters.. probably.”
senku (14) had been over ryuusui’s house a total of five times this week. monday tuesday wednesday thursday… and now friday. usually senku would rather be dead than spend more than a minute with anyone, really. but ryuusui (14) was different than most anyone.
senku had known ryuusui for so long, sometimes he can’t remember exactly how long it’s been. but it’s been a while. and that’s really all that matters.
senku wasn’t even sure what it was they were doing. ryuusui needed something cool for his science fair project and now senku was there on his backyard lawn, his gigantic backyard lawn shooting projectiles from a peashooter made out of plastic and cardboard that senku somehow crafted. he surprised ryuusui of course with how much range the thing could project and while senku insisted he could make him something better, ryuusui had said to him that anything he made was already the coolest. it left a simmering kind of burn behind senku’s cheeks when he thought about it.
“dude, that’s like,,, wait that’s like the farthest it’s been so far!!” ryuusui yelled from ten meters away, picking up the jankiest projectile senku’s ever made and running back to him with it, “right? that’s the farthest it’s been?” he asked, running so fast he got back to senku quicker than he really expected him to.
senku looked up at the fourteen-year-old towering over where he sat squatting on the ground, “yes that’s the farthest it’s been so far,” he confirmed, watching a delightful grin spread across the blonde’s face, his heart twisting up with a funky kind of force, “you should really let me toss some metal into this thing,” he said, standing up, grimacing at how ryuusui still towered over him, “it would go exceptionally farther if you would just let me-”
“no! i don’t wanna hear it!” ryuusui physically shut his eyes, gripping the plastic projectile in his hand harder than he was moments prior, “it’s already doing so well when it’s all flimsy and stuff,” he opened his eyes, his deep, dark brown eyes and looked down into senku’s red ones, “don’t you think we’ll get more points if it performs well using the cheapest amounts of material we can find instead of something expensive?” senku went to say that foam wasn’t the most expensive thing in the world when he got cut off again, “it’s like a metaphor for recycling!”
senku blinked at him, “recycling?”
the smile didn’t leave ryuusui’s face, “yeah! recycling! we’re using recyclable materials to create science! you don’t think that’s cool?” he asked, still holding the projectile as he beamed at senku.
senku looked down at the smile on his friend’s face, and then down at the plastic contraption by his feet, “but it looks so … pathetic..”
ryuusui gasped, scaring senku for a moment as he leaned down and picked the thing up, holding it endearingly right next to his heart, “don’t call our baby pathetic!” he cradled it up next to his face, “he can hear you.”
senku scoffed, “it can’t hear us,” he said, staring at ryuusui and his dumb, handsome face making kissing noises towards what senku would consider to be genuine garbage.
“you don’t know that,” he said, staring down at the shooter like it was a real baby.
senku rolled his eyes, “i’m the one that made it. i would know if it can hear us or not,” he stopped for a moment, “why the fuck am i even arguing about this with you,” he mumbled, squatting back down and picking up and organizing some of the tools he left scattered around him. he didn’t feel ryuusui squat down with him, so he looked up and saw the boy, contraption still in hand, with his eyes connected to the glass doors of the back of his mansion. senku followed his eyes, watching as his older brother sai (18) walked past the doors inside the house while holding hands with some random boy.
senku’s seen the boy before. but he and ryuusui haven’t talked about it yet. haven’t talked about his older brother’s new boyfriend and how he was actually some sort of famous magician. senku didn’t know how ryuusui felt about him yet, but senku wasn’t the type to bring something up like that unless ryuusui did first. he didn’t know how it felt when your older sibling started dating, he doesn’t have any siblings. he wondered if any of it felt weird to ryuusui. he knew sai and him weren’t the closest, but he knew ryuusui loved him.
suddenly, he saw ryuusui sit down across from him, cross-legged, still holding the science fair project, “do you know who gen asagiri is?” he asked, not putting the contraption down.
senku stared at the thing, then up at ryuusui’s face, “i’ve heard of him,” he spoke, playing with a hammer with his fingers, “i hear he’s like a giant dick though,” he laughed a bit, but stopped when he saw that ryuusui wasn’t.
ryuusui seemed to be looking past senku and not directly at him, “yeah i’ve heard that too,” he spoke softly, still not looking at senku, “he started dating my brother last week,” he put the contraption down beside him.
senku tried to smile despite ryuusui’s sudden drop in mood, “well,” senku sighed, leaning back on his hands behind him, “at least we can probably deduce he’s not into him for the money since they’re both rich,” he attempted at making a joke, staring at ryuusui’s solemn face as the corner of his mouth ever so slightly turned upwards. senku sighed again.
“yeah, you’re probably right about that,” he spoke, his mouth going back down into default stoic, “i guess i’m just worried you know?” he said, now staring straight into senku’s eyes, “he already ignores me. what if he completely shuts me out?” he asked, his brown eyes colored a deep, deep sad hue, “he did that last time he had a boyfriend.”
senku stared at him, the sadness transpiring onto his irises as well, “it’s his loss.” ryuusui looked up at him, a light dusting of red spreading underneath his eyes. it was because of that sight that senku realized what he said and averted his eyes, trying to fight a smile off his own lips.
“don’t look at me like that,” senku said, staring hard at the ground next to him.
he could hear the smile on ryuusui’s lips when he talked next, “like what?”
senku groaned, laying down with his back against the soft grass, “with your big, stupid puppy dog eyes. i hate it when you look at me like..” like i matter to you . he chose not to say it. he didn’t want to say it. that would be way too revealing for senku’s liking.
suddenly, ryuusui was over him with his hands on both sides of senku’s face, staring down at him with those same eyes that senku swore he hated. he was breathing slowly, blocking the bright, afternoon sun out of his eyes as he hovered over him, legs now on either side of him as well.
senku gulped, “like that,” he said, staring up into the eyes above him that had so much emotion embedded in them that senku didn’t know how to handle it, “i hate when you look at me with your stupid, emotional eyes,” he took in a deep, deep breath, “it makes me sick.”
ryuusui didn’t react at all, “i walked in on my brother having sex with him the other day,” he spoke, looking down at senku’s lips without a care in the world how obvious he was being, “i just wanted to play chess. but they were totally like.. eating each other’s faces off…… it was weird,” he spoke, his eyes not leaving where they were on senku’s lips.
“so?” senku asked, his heartbeat beginning to pick up loudly in his chest as he stared up at his friend, his friend . his nothing more.
“so…” ryuusui breathed, “i was just thinking i’ve never kissed anyone before,” he admitted, looking up into senku’s eyes, causing senku to gasp quietly. ryuusui was like an open book with a clear cover. everything he felt was always on display for senku to see and it bothered him like nothing else ever did.
ryuusui got like this sometimes and it absolutely bothered him, “so what?” senku whispered, afraid that if he spoke any louder his voice would crack.
ryuusui looked away, “i was just thinking,” he looked back into senku’s eyes, “i don’t really wanna kiss anyone else but you.”
senku felt his heart stop, his poor, young, fourteen-year-old heart stop like it had been stabbed through, “i’m sure that’s not true,” he mumbled, not being able to look away from the eyes that were looking back down at him with nothing but unhinged honesty.
ryuusui smiled small, “no one else is worth it but you,” he spoke, smiling even bigger, “but you probably think that’s stupid right?”
senku nodded. ryuusui laughed.
ryuusui got up, grunting as he brushed some pieces of grass off of his pants and held a hand out for senku. senku stared at it for a moment, his heart still beating as though he was still stuck underneath ryuusui’s body as he took his hand, feeling his friend pull him up without any sense that it was hard for him.
ryuusui didn’t let go, “let’s get married when we’re older,” he smiled, watching senku’s face contort into something senku considered to be incredibly ugly.
“go suck a dick or something,” senku replied, picking up his tools from where they were on the ground and putting them into his backpack.
he watched ryuusui pick up the projectile contraption, “i’m a minor. that’s disgusting.”
“oh shut up nanami.”
senku ishigami (14) had a crush on ryuusui nanami (14). and he wasn’t exactly sure what the hell he was supposed to do about that. ryuusui had to have known by now that senku was an utter failure when it came to hiding his emotions from the boy and had to have realized that senku was responding, albeit involuntarily, to all his stupid attempts at flirting. but every time, ryuusui never went through with it. ryuusui never kissed him.
ryuusui has never kissed senku. and that’s what confused senku the most. they were both really young and probably weren’t capable of being an efficient boyfriend to each other in any sense of the word. but maybe they didn’t have to be boyfriends. maybe they could just kiss in between the science fair projects they made with each other and just keep moving on with their lives.
but ryuusui didn’t seem to want that.
senku wasn’t sure what it was that ryuusui really wanted. it seemed to him that he wanted everything and anything. and that was fine with him. he was fine helping ryuusui with anything he wanted him to do. but when it came to their relationship with each other, it felt like senku was barely able to keep his head above the water. it felt like senku was tired and couldn’t paddle his feet anymore. it felt like ryuusui was too much and nothing at all at the same time. he was everything and nothing to senku. it was scary.
senku never did anything about it. what could he do? if ryuusui really wanted him he would take him. ryuusui would have him already. ryuusui would be his boyfriend.
but he wasn’t. that was the most confusing part. ryuusui was his friend. he’s always been just his friend. they’ve had almost kisses for as long as the two of them have known each other and yet they were still separate entities. they were not together, but they were together in almost every sense of the word.
ryuusui was a deep, deep kind of red. the kind that resonated deep down inside your body, all the way down to wherever it was you kept your soul. the kind that was dark, enticing, and scary. but left you with the kind of comfort you wouldn’t think you’d ever find.
senku was green. he wasn’t something you’d put together with red at first glance. he didn’t fit naturally with a field of roses or at the end of a sun setting in the sky. senku was clanky and didn’t mix well with the rich elite that nanami was used to. senku shouldn’t fit.
but ryuusui grabbed his hand, and it slotted into place like nothing else could fit so well.
and that, at least, was enough for him for now.
1.2
why can’t you imagine a world like that?
ryuusui
“oh just leave me alooooooone saiiiiii.”
“i’m telling you this for your own good ryuu. she’s gonna ask about her and you can’t keep lying,” sai (23) spoke as his brother scurried around their kitchen, actively trying to not listen to what he was saying.
ryuusui (19) rolled his eyes, “i can and i will. watch me.”
“ryuu,” sai tried to speak in a more serious tone, “you broke up with her back in april. its DECEMBER now. you’ve been lying to mom for eight months.”
“i know how long it’s been,” ryuusui groaned, picking up a granola bar from one of the large cabinets around him and tearing it open, “it’s just easier this way,” he mumbled as he took a bite, smiling internally like a true younger sibling does at the disgust rising in the details of his older brother’s face.
“you like lying to mom?” sai asked, his voice incredulously upset. but ryuusui for one did not really care for this topic all that much. sure he broke up with his last serious girlfriend months ago and sure he hasn’t told his mom yet, but his mom got so annoyingly into his personal relationships that he just 1) didn’t have the heart to tell his mom and 2) didn’t want to be nagged at about why he was single again. their mom always pestered them about marriage and their futures and ryuusui was simply just sick of it.
ryuusui finally looked over at his brother, “of course i don’t like it,” he admitted, taking another bite of the granola bar, “but you know how she gets.”
“you know how she gets,,, really?” sai walked closer to him, taking the bar from his hands and setting it down on the kitchen island next to him, “you mean how she cares about you? because she’s your mom?” ryuusui was sick of it. he was sick of the nagging and harassment from his mother about his love life. in what way did sai think that nagging and harassment from his brother was going to help?
“i don’t have time for this,” ryuusui said, running a hand over his face with exhaustion coming and spilling out across the features of his face, “senku’s coming over,” he picked up the granola bar from behind where sai was standing and began to walk away towards the exit of the kitchen, truly and inherently sick of the only conversation sai ever seemed like he wanted to have with him.
“mom’s gonna wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend on christmas ryuu,” sai yelled after him, “if you wanna keep this up, you’ll need a date by then.”
“fuck off,” ryuusui mumbled under his breath as he walked out and down the hallway, walking towards the foyer as his thoughts got the better of him. even though talking to him was a pain, sai did have a point. ryuusui could only pretend for a couple more weeks like he was still dating the girl he met in his freshman year of college. they had dated for exactly a year before ryuusui realized the feelings he had found for her were misplaced, lost. they were somewhere he couldn’t quite remember. he couldn’t find them anymore.
he felt bad about it sure, but this happened every time ryuusui got into a serious relationship. he swore up and down that they were his soulmate and that finally ryuusui had found someone good enough to spend the rest of his life with.
and then he turned around and found another person who made him feel the exact same.
ryuusui tried polyamory for a while, and it still didn’t work. he still fell out of love just as easily as he fell into it like every time he met someone he swore the puzzle piece fit, but when he looked closely at it later on, something about it seemed off.
nothing and no one ever worked for him. his mom and brother got on his ass about it all the time about why there was a new girl or new person every other month and why he couldn’t just be serious for once and just fucking settle.
but ryuusui was serious. every person he met made him feel like he was on cloud nine. made him feel like he had seriously found the one meant for him. ryuusui loved with everything he could muster in his body. when he loved, he loved hard.
but it always died. the love he thought he had for people always died. nothing ever stayed. so ryuusui never stayed.
but again, sai did have a point. he needed to find someone to go out with him at least for the next couple of holidays so mom wouldn’t be on his ass about being single. he could just probably go out and find someone, but two weeks wasn’t an adequate amount of time to get a girl or boy or person in love with him enough to want to meet his parents. he needed someone who already liked him enough to want to do that for him, someone who ryuusui already knew.
as ryuusui rounded a corner and stepped completely into the foyer of his mansion, his front door opened at the same time, revealing a dark, rainy sky and a drenched senku (19) in front of it. he looked up at him with an angry look, his lips in a pout and his eyebrows downturned like a child whose mom just told them no. his hair was flattened against his forehead and ryuusui watched as raindrops slowly beaded down the pale, white skin that was showing through the strands of hair sticking to his face.
in other words, he was beautiful.
“do you wanna go out on a date with me?” ryuusui asked, staring at senku like he was an angel sent down from heaven just for ryuu to look at and love.
ryuusui smiled as senku scoffed, kicking off his shoes, “no i don’t want to go on a fucking date with you,” senku replied, setting his very wet backpack down on the floor and opening it up, looking as though he was going through everything to make sure none of it was drenched like the outside was.
he was cute. senku was so very cute.
ryuusui continued to smile, “why are you so wet? did you walk here?” he asked, walking closer to where senku was kneeling down on the floor.
“no, idiot. i ubered here. but because of your giant ass golden gate, the guy couldn’t get up your driveway so i had to fucking run all the way up it in the rain,” he spoke with an exasperated huff, closing his backpack and standing up again.
ryuusui, even now that they’re older, towered over senku easily, “i didn’t even know it was raining,” he spoke, tilting his head as he stared at senku with a silly look on his face, “you can’t blame me for that.”
“i can do whatever i want,” senku said, glaring at him, “somehow you made it rain. it’s your fault.”
“you know that’s illogical senku,” ryuusui said, watching senku roll his eyes as he walked past him towards the stairs.
“YoU KnOW tHAtS illOGiCAL seNkU,” the boy mocked as he walked up the stars, simply just leaving ryuusui where he was like he was expecting him to follow.
and follow he did.
ryuusui got to the top of the stairs, turning his head to see senku already halfway to his room. he smiled, watching the boy turn down a section of the hallway and out of his sight. as he walked after him, he thought for a moment just how nice it felt to do so. how nice it felt to walk after, chase after a boy like senku. it felt nice to know him. it felt nice to know that no matter what he did, ryuusui would follow him.
senku was so rigid to the world. he was like a piece of stone frozen twice over, sitting in the middle of a snowfield during a blizzard. he was so unattached, so disconnected, that when moments like this happened, moments where ryuusui got him all to himself, it felt special. senku wasn’t rigid or disconnected when it came to ryuusui. and he treasured that, he truly did.
senku was one of the only people ryuusui knew he could trust in this world, one of the only people he wanted to trust. so when he got to his room and saw senku standing at his desk with his backpack, his still wet backpack, sitting on top of it, he didn’t feel angry. he simply felt that no one else on this planet could see senku the way he’s seeing him right now. ryuusui smiled, an idea suddenly coming to the forefront of his mind.
“can i ask you a crazy question?” ryuusui asked, sitting down on the bed like he was the smartest man on the planet. he smiled at his friend as senku stood at ryuusui’s desk, taking out things from his backpack.
“no,” senku stated, not bothering to look over at ryuusui.
it made him laugh, “c’mon why, you haven’t even heard what it was yet.”
he saw the boy roll his eyes, “i already know it’s going to be dumb and something i don’t want to do. so don’t even bother.”
“you’re so mean to me, you know that?” ryuusui laughed again, getting up from the bed and walking over to senku. he placed one hand down on the desk and leaned his weight onto it, staring into the eye’s of his friend that wouldn’t look back.
senku still didn’t look up, “you like me mean,” he said with a small, knowing smile. it was the kind of smile that made ryuusui’s body feel like it was suspended in time. the way it looked on his pretty, pristine face, ryuusui didn’t know what he was supposed to do with himself.
he shifted over, one hand on one side of senku, his other going around his body. ryuusui’s front pressed up softly against senku’s back, “it’s a serious question,” ryuusui whispered, chin resting down on senku’s shoulder while his face was turned toward his neck.
he couldn’t tell what senku was thinking as he did this, he could only hear the small, sharp intake of breath and feel the subtle step backwards senku took, “what’s your stupid question,” senku whispered, leaning fully against ryuusui now.
ryuusui smiled, bravely moving his head forward and kissing senku softly on the side of his neck, “i need you to seriously go on a date with me,” he spoke, kissing him a second time, just because it felt natural to him.
he heard a shaky sigh leave senku’s mouth, “are you serious right now..?” senku asked, his voice nervous. ryuusui could tell he was, he knew he was.
ryuusui stepped back, staring at the back of senku for a moment, “i’m for real,” he said, smiling, “i need a date for christmas,” he started, watching senku turn his head to look at him, “my mom gets on my ass whenever i’m single so i need a boyfriend to satisfy her. you know what i mean?”
senku turned around fully, staring at ryuusui with a concerned look on his face, “you need a date for christmas?”
“yes.”
“and the first person you thought to ask was me?”
“yes.”
“not some random guy?”
ryuusui huffed, “i can’t ask out someone random. they’re not gonna want to want to meet my mom in two weeks,” he explained, running a hand through his hair, “i need someone i already know.”
senku rolled his eyes, “i’m not doing this,”
“senkuuuuuu,” ryuusui whined, walking back up to senku and grabbing his hand, “please you know how aggravating my mom gets,” senku looked away, contemplating, “it’s just for the holidays. then we can have a super messy breakup and never date each other again,” he pleaded, squeezing senku’s hand.
senku’s eyes shut, “i don’t think this is a good idea,” his voice was quieter than usual and ryuusui could tell there was natural hesitation embedded in there, but he needed this. he needed senku to do this.
“please,” he whispered, meeting senku’s eyes as they opened, “you’re the only one.”
senku looked hurt for a moment, emotion spilling out from his eyes faster than he could reign in, “ryuusui..”
“i wouldn't ask if i wasn’t serious,” ryuusui spoke as he stepped in close again, holding senku’s cheek in one hand, his wrist in the other, “just for the holidays .. please.”
senku sighed, “okay… fine.”
ryuusui pulled senku into a hug, holding him tight, “i love you, seriously,” he mumbled into his ear. he felt senku lift up his hands, placing both of them delicately onto ryuusui’s back.
senku’s grip got a bit tighter, “love you.”
1.3
you’re the reason i got a weakness
senku
senku (17) wasn’t the type to get sad over the emotional shortcomings of the people around him. he had never been one to outright show his full deck of emotions whenever something upset him. it just wasn’t what he liked to do. it was unnecessary. senku didn’t see the point in crying over something out of his control.
he had just hung up from a call from his father. he had just been told the man would not be able to come to visit again for the third year of holidays in a row. and it was whatever. senku didn’t mind being alone. he was alone all the time and if anything, he was glad his father wasn’t coming home. he needed to train. senku isn’t a big enough reason for byakuya to pause his astronaut training. it’s only logical that he’s not coming home.
senku stared at the screen of his pc for just a moment longer, wiping a sudden, lonely tear off his cheek as the sound of thunder suddenly echoed through his room. he looked towards his window, frowning at the dark, thunderous rain clouds. was it supposed to rain today? senku couldn’t remember.
he got up from his chair, walked over to the window, and simply just watched as the rain began to pick up tremendously. he sighed, leaning his hand against the windowsill as he continued to watch, doing nothing more than that.
senku wondered what it was like to spend time with people during the holidays, during christmas and new years. he knew his father would be fine; he had a bunch of astronaut friends to stick together with, a bunch of scientists at the space station that he was surrounded by.
chrome (17) would be fine too. chrome was probably busy doing something at kohaku (17) and ruri’s house, given he was dating ruri (17). he probably had all of his time preoccupied with entertaining her rigid statue of a father and didn’t have the time nor the energy to ask if senku could come over and hang out with them. no, that was stupid. senku doesn’t need to bother them. he’s fine.
he’s fine.
he knew ryuusui (17) would be fine too. the boy was a walking ball of sunshine and amusement. wherever he went, there was bound to be a good time. ryuusui never had a hard time finding fun in places one would never expect to find it. his house was probably filled right now with important family members and important people and important butlers. his house was filled with a bunch of different nanamis and not a single ishigami.
but that was fine. that was just how things were supposed to be.
senku was supposed to be alone around christmas while ryuusui was supposed to be busy, packed with various family events. senku wouldn’t bother calling. he shouldn’t bother. he’d be far too busy to pick up the phone. that’s how it always was during this time of the year.
as senku stared at his phone sitting on his desk, it suddenly lit up with the indication of a phone call. the pleasant ringtone began to sing into the open space around senku, prompting him to look over and pick up the phone.
incoming call:
ryuusui
senku stared at it for a moment too long before he pressed the green answer button, putting the phone on speaker.
“hey,” senku said casually, trying to ignore his heart suddenly trying to fight its way out of his chest at the moment.
“hey,” ryuusui replied, sounding out of breath, “you’re home right?”
senku blinked, “of course i am,” he said, wondering why ryuusui had called, “where else would i be right now?”
“i’m outside,” ryuusui said suddenly.
“huh?” senku placed his phone back down on the desk and left his room, not running, but moving as fast as he could to his front door. he opened it, his eyes going slightly wider as he stared at the completely soaked ryuusui nanami standing there.
ryuusui smiled, “hello beautiful.”
senku couldn’t manage a glare, not with the sudden shock of ryuusui at his front door nor the pet name, “why are you here?”
ryuusui seemed to hear him, but began talking as though he didn’t, “can i come in? i’m kinda cold.” senku stepped out of the way, allowing the boy to walk past him and into his relatively small apartment. he watched him as he did so, noticing the tension in his shoulders and the slight twinge of anger in his brows. he was hunched over, not standing up tall or confident like he always was. senku watched him as he took his shoes off, one by one, and put them down next to where senku had his. more than the tension and the anger, ryuusui seemed sad. he seemed like he was slightly off-center, like he had been knocked off whatever it was he was standing on.
or maybe senku was just staring too hard.
as ryuusui stood up, it was then senku noticed that he was wearing a full suit and tie outfit. it was a dark blue, probably tinted darker because of all the water soaking into it, but the color was nice regardless.
senku took a step forward, “why don’t you start taking your jacket and stuff off,” he asked, getting close enough to place a small, timid hand onto the wet material of ryuusui’s probably very expensive, but now ruined suit, “i think there are some clean clothes in my dad’s room.”
both of ryuusui’s shoes were off now, and senku watched as he turned to him with a strained smile, “are you saying that because you want to see me naked, senku?” it was a joke, but it seemed forced. senku didn’t want to laugh at it. he didn’t want to lead ryuusui in a direction where stuffing your feelings down was okay, but at the same time, he couldn’t make him talk about it if he didn’t want to. and he didn’t seem like he did.
senku gave him a small, sad smile, “i’m being serious. take your clothes off and leave them in the bathroom,” he spoke, stepping around the boy to go get the clean clothes.
until ryuusui suddenly grabbed his wrist, stopping him from moving any further.
it was weird. it felt weird. ryuusui was being weird. senku looked down at his wrist, down at the big hand encompassing it. he looked up at ryuusui, looked up into his eyes. there was a strange wave of honesty, of compassion that rolled over senku as he stared into a pair of eyes that held more hurt than senku’s ever seen them hold. it gave him a small shiver.
ryuusui looked down at where he was holding senku’s wrist, dragging his hand down to intertwine, to interlock his fingers with senku’s. senku felt his breath catch in his throat as ryuusui walked around him, pulling him down the hallway towards byakuya’s old room.
when they got there, senku didn’t dare let go. he opened the closet door with one hand, got out a shirt that was big enough with one hand, got out a pair of shorts with one hand. he did it all while ryuusui stood where he stood, holding senku’s hand as his pants imprinted a dark, wet spot into the carpet where forgotten raindrops dripped from his pants onto the floor.
“i just,” ryuusui began to speak as senku held some fresh socks, “i don’t want to be alone right now,” he spoke softly, slowly taking his hand away from senku’s.
senku wasn’t big on physical touch, but sometimes it was moments like these that weren’t about him that made him reach out, touching ryuusui’s wet chest with his hands, “i know,” senku spoke back, sliding his hands down and slowly, slowly, pulling ryuusui’s coat off, hearing it fall to the ground with a sad, wet thud. senku wasn’t exactly sure what to say, but he knew that all he had to do was stay near, stay touching ryuusui. he knew that was all he could do. he wasn’t big on words, but he didn’t have to be. he knew ryuusui wasn’t expecting him to be.
senku stepped back a bit as ryuusui unbuttoned his dress shirt, taking it off and tossing it down where the jacket had been sitting, soaking the floor, “do you want to take a shower or something?” senku asked, trying his hardest not to look down and stare at ryuusui’s chiseled chest and abs.
ryuusui looked down at him, not a trace or hint of a smile on his face, “i’d rather just stay with you,” he spoke, one hand coming up and resting on the side of senku’s neck.
senku shivered at the feeling and the words coming out of ryuusui’s mouth, “okay,” he said, leaning into the touch of ryuusui’s cold, cold hand, “should i turn around while you change out of your pants?” senku asked, staring up at ryuusui like he was a stupid boy in love.
but neither of them smiled, “if you want to,” ryuusui mumbled, taking his hand away and stepping back to bring his hands to his belt, unbuckling it and sliding it away from his pants. it joined the shirt and jacket on the floor, “i wouldn’t mind if you watched.”
senku knew he was blushing. he knew ryuusui was trying to be himself, but he knew also at the same time he wasn’t himself, not right now and not with this energy. senku sighed. he turned around. he heard those certain funny sounds of wet clothes hitting the floor and before he knew it, ryuusui had grabbed his waist from behind and pressed himself close, clothes no longer wet. but his hair was, and it was dripping onto senku’s shoulder.
ryuusui wrapped both arms around senku’s torso, “i’m tired,” he said softly, letting his head rest down onto his shoulder.
senku wasn’t sure what to do, “i haven’t eaten. do you want something?”
“no.”
“do you want to go to sleep?”
“i want to sleep with you,” of course you do .
senku let out a heavy sigh and let his hands rest over where ryuusui’s were resting on his stomach, “why are you here ryuu..” he asked quietly, slipping his fingers in between his.
he didn’t respond right away, he just held senku a bit tighter, “my dad is a dick,” he spoke against senku’s shoulder, “that’s all.”
“that’s all?” senku whispered, turning around in ryuusui’s hold, “you’re acting like a poor, abandoned dog, and all that happened was your dad?” he asked, wrapping both arms around ryuusui’s neck, moving in closer until their chests were touching. he wondered if what he said was a bit too mean. but it didn’t seem like ryuusui took it personally at all.
he wouldn’t look at senku, “yeah, that’s all.”
senku frowned, taking his hands and grabbing ryuusui’s face, “you’re lying, idiot,” senku whispered, trying to force the boy to look at him, “you don’t have to talk about it. i won’t force you. but don’t lie to me.”
ryuusui’s eyes were closed, his eyebrows furrowed, “i’m not lying,” he mumbled, not bothering to shake his head away from senku’s grip.
senku softly let his thumbs slide over ryuusui’s cheek, wiping away the stray raindrops that were still falling from his hair, “fine,” he spoke, letting his hands fall down to ryuusui’s chest, “don’t tell me,” he whispered. senku stepped away and out of ryuusui’s grasp, grabbing his hand and forcing him to follow down the hallway towards his small kitchen. if he didn’t want to eat he didn’t have to. but senku was hungry. and he wanted to eat.
eventually, the two of them found themselves in senku’s room after a good hour of ryuusui leaning on senku in the kitchen while senku ate, talking being a thing that happened rarely during that section of time.
it was when senku laid down in bed and slipped himself under the blankets that ryuusui finally opened up. it was when ryuusui laid down next to him in the bed, in the small bed meant only for one, and wrapped two strong hands around senku that he finally said the words that were on his mind.
“i wasn’t lying,” ryuusui whispered, one hand snaking up under senku’s shirt, “my dad came home from italy and was just.. getting on my ass about everything tonight,” he sighed hard, and senku felt the breath trickle down his neck, “he wouldn’t stop yelling at me about my irresponsibility and my lack of respect for, not only myself, but for the whole family,” his hand wrapped itself tight around senku’s stomach under the shirt, “he said i’m a terrible example of a good son. isn’t that fucked?”
senku turned around in ryuusui’s hold, grabbing ryuusui’s face with both his hands for the second time that night, “did you believe him?” senku asked, reaching a hand up to swipe ryuusui’s hair away from his face.
ryuusui didn’t say anything for a moment.
“am i a bad person?”
it was jarring to hear, at least to senku. as he looked into ryuusui’s eyes, as he looked into the dark brown hurt that was staring directly at him, he felt something inside him tear in two. it was jarring to hear someone so sure of themselves ask such a harsh, demeaning question. senku knew the answer, but was ryuusui really going to believe him?
“i think you’re brave,, and i think you’re intelligent,” senku began to say, letting his hands drop from his face down to his abdomen.
“but am i good?” he then asked, still staring straight down at senku.
senku looked away, “i would love you, even if you weren’t. so don’t ask me that.”
he heard a small, breathy laugh escape ryuusui’s lips, “somehow that’s comforting.”
“i didn’t say it to comfort you,” senku said in response, bringing his arms in towards himself as ryuusui pulled him in closer.
“i know you didn’t,” he said into the top of senku’s head, “that’s what makes it better.”
senku blinked, one finger reaching out towards ryuusui’s chest, “of course you’re a good man ryuusui,” he whispered, all five now out and spreading across the shirt, “your father is just rich and stingy and expects you to be someone you’re not. you’ve always lived for yourself, what does it matter now?” senku wasn’t sure if he was helping or not, he didn’t want to look up at ryuusui’s face, “if you can’t please him now while you’re happy, what good do you think you’ll do if you make yourself miserable?”
senku let out a quiet sigh, “that’s all i really have to say. i like you as you are. i don’t want you to change,” he thought quietly for a moment, the heat of ryuusui’s body becoming more and more apparent as time went on, “maybe that’s me being selfish though.”
he felt a soft kiss being placed at the top of his head, “thanks, senku,” he sighed, “glad to know that if i murdered somebody, you’d still love me,” he laughed a small bit, both hands rubbing up and down senku’s back now.
a smile managed to peak out from senku’s lips without him knowing, “i think if you murdered somebody, you’d force me to bury the body,” a small laugh escaped senku’s mouth without him really wanting it to.
ryuusui scoffed, “i would never make you do any physical labor. i would do the burying and the murdering. you’d do the social stuff.”
“oh yeah? like what?” senku asked, curling in even closer to ryuusui’s warm, very warm body.
“you’d be the one to like, do the smart stuff. prepare our alibis and get the police completely off our trail. you’re smart with stuff like that,” ryuusui spoke, not noticing the blush spreading up senku’s cheeks because of his stupid words.
it went silent for a moment before ryuusui spoke up again, “i love you,” he whispered.
senku didn’t say it back. he didn’t have to. he wrapped his arms around ryuusui’s torso and held him close, chest to chest the way a friend would. if senku lost everyone, he knew ryuusui would still show up. no matter what he did, no matter what either of them did, they knew that in moments like these it didn’t matter.
“no matter what you do,” senku began to say, “i will always know that you are a good man.”
that night was the first christmas eve in a long time where he wasn’t alone. as he held onto the body of the boy he’s had a crush on for years, he didn’t think it tragic. he thought himself, for once, to be absolutely, incredibly lucky to have met him, to have met ryuusui nanami.
that night was the first christmas eve senku went to sleep with a smile.
1.4
please remember my answer is you
ryuusui
“i feel like i’m going to get murdered tonight,” senku (19) spoke, pulling timidly at his pristine white shirt that made his skin feel weird, not itchy, but just slightly uncomfortable. ryuusui (19) had bought it for him the day prior against senku’s request to pay for it himself. but ryuusui ended up reasoning with him that ‘that’s just what boyfriends do for each other!’ leaving senku glaring at the boy for the rest of the shopping trip.
ryuusui noticed the constant shirt pulling and grabbed senku’s hand, rendering it useless, “i promise i won’t let you be murdered,” he smiled, staring down at senku who only glared back at him, “as your boyfriend, i’ll protect you,” as the two boys walked up ryuusui’s long driveway, senku’s glare only seemed to worsen.
“you don’t have to call yourself my boyfriend when other people aren’t around, you know?” senku mentioned, at the same time not removing his hand from ryuusui’s grasp.
ryuusui looked away and up at the large, towering house in front of them that held most of the important members of his family, “why can’t i?” he asked, squeezing senku’s hand as they got closer, “you’re acting like you’re not actually my boyfriend and we’re fake dating just to appease my parents,” he spoke with a smile, feeling the glare like a laser against the side of his face.
“i’m serious ryuu,” senku spoke, his voice much gentler than before. ryuusui turned his head to look at him again, being greeted with a sour sense of intense fragility coming from senku.
ryuusui stopped walking, “you’re seriously nervous?” he asked, watching a man known for his unnerving courage avoid eye contact with him and fidget with his hand, “you know my parents though… and my brother. they already like you.”
senku rolled his eyes, “that’s the thing,” he spoke, his voice exasperated, “they already know me. i’m gonna feel bad lying to them.”
ryuusui scoffed, smiling as he used senku’s hand to drag him closer to him, “and here i thought you were genuinely in love with me,” he kept on smiling as senku frowned at him. ryuusui’s smiled softened as he pulled senku into a hug, his head resting on his chest, “all we have to do once we go in there is just act as we’ve always acted. just with different titles,” he spoke against the top of senku’s head, rubbing his back as well, “we already act like a couple. we just have to pretend we really are one.”
if senku had a reaction to any of what he said, ryuusui didn’t see it. senku simple stepped away from him, their hands still attached as senku dragged him up the house steps towards the front door. ryuusui watched as senku knocked on the door and let out a gigantic breath of air. ryuusui simply just stared at him, stared at the nervous wreck of a boy standing on his front porch looking like genuinely wished he was dead.
ryuusui looked down at his hand intertwined with senku’s and breathed out a quiet breath. if senku didn’t want to be here, if he truly didn’t want to help ryuusui, he wouldn’t. if senku didn’t care about him somehow he wouldn’t be enduring this. but he was. he was holding ryuusui’s hand without a doubt and was standing next to him pretending to be his boyfriend for a night because ryuusui needed him to. ryuusui really couldn’t ask for anyone better in his life.
“i love you.”
senku looked up at him suddenly, looking like he wanted to respond. then the front door opened.
“RYUUSUIIIII!”
“ah.. hey mom,” he let go of senku’s hand and let out a tight groan as he mother enveloped him in a very tight hug, not letting go of the tension for a good six or seven seconds. when she finally let him go, she turned, smiling still at senku, whose eyes were open comically wide from nervousness.
“senku! what are you doing here?” she asked, smiling very politely at him. senku smiled back, but didn’t say anything as his eyes darted to ryuusui’s, looking at him like he needed him to save him.
ryuusui almost laughed, “mom, i never got to tell you,” he gave her a smile and a small pat of his hand on her arm, “senku and i are dating,” he watched her face slowly morph into confusion, then into sudden surprise. she turned from senku to her son, staring at him with a smile.
“you finally asked him out!?” she spoke happily, grabbing onto his arm with a gigantic smile on her face. ryuusui’s smile faltered a small fraction as he stared from his mother to his fake-boyfriend, watching as senku’s eyes somehow opened larger. a deep blush began to settle on senku’s cheeks as he looked away, purposefully avoiding ryuusui’s eyes because of his mother’s choice of words.
seeing the genuine happiness on his mother’s face began to form a somewhat devastating feeling somewhere low inside his stomach. he looked at his mother’s face. and then again at senku’s. and then again at his mother’s. it suddenly began to dawn on his that what senku said was true, that maybe, this really wasn’t a good idea. telling his mom when all of this was over that him and senku were broken up would break her heart more than it would break his own.
he smiled regardless, trying to dust away the feeling from his mind, “yup,” ryuusui smile grew even larger, “i finally asked the boy of my dreams to be mine.” he could feel senku’s eyes suddenly on him. but he chose not to look over.
ryuusui’s mother, who seemed happier than she’s ever been, smiled just as great as ryuusui was and opened the front door, letting the two of them walk inside the large, intricate house. ryuusui grabbed senku’s hand again, which senku allowed him to do, and let him drag him through the house. they greeted family member after family member, all of which were moderately friendly to them. most of them were people senku’s never met before, so whenever ryuusui introduced senku as his boyfriend, it was a simple introduction and nothing more. nothing out of the ordinary.
it really wasn’t anything special. but the thrill of introducing senku as his boyfriend was starting to excite ryuusui more than anything. everytime he said the words ‘senku’ and ‘boyfriend’ in the same sentence, his heart lit up just a bit brighter. it was intoxicating almost the way he felt whenever he said the words and looked over at senku who had gotten more and more used to it and began smiling genuinely again. it twisted his heart in all the right ways. it was dangerously getting to feel too normal.
once one of his great uncles.. or something walked away, ryuusui leaned down into his ear, “are you okay?” he whispered, his hand still intertwined with senku’s.
he watched senku release a small, true smile, “i’m fine,” he admitted, walking closer to ryuusui as the two of them made their way towards the kitchen, “this is actually easier than i expected it to be,” he smiled up at ryuusui, who already had a smile on his own face as he looked down at him.
the smile turned into a handsome smirk, “it’s almost like you were born to act as my significant other,” he knew he was pushing it, but he couldn’t help but continue to smirk as the smile on senku’s face dropped into a cold, mean stare.
“don’t start, dingus.”
“dingus?!?!”
“nanami ryuusui.”
the pair of boys had entered the kitchen but stopped walking at the sound of a voice calling ryuusui’s name. the boy in question looked up, seeing his brother with his arms crossed, leaning against the kitchen counter as though he was waiting for him to show up.
“sai… what’s up?” he asked, slightly apprehensive as he walked further into the room with senku’s hand still in his. he noticed sai (23) was there standing next to his own boyfriend, gen asagiri (23).
he noticed gen begin to approach them, lightly touching senku’s arm as he spoke, “come with me real quick,” before senku could even begin a response, gen had his arm locked with his and was pulling him away from ryuusui and out of the kitchen.
ryuusui took a step to follow them but was ultimately cut short from doing so due to his brother’s hand suddenly coming down on to his arm. he turned and looked at sai, who at first glance did not seem excruciatingly angry, but he knew his brother well enough to know his anger didn’t come on in waves of passion and fire, but in severe, drastic coldness.
sai released him once he realized ryuu wasn’t going to go anywhere, “are you serious, ryuusui?” he asked, staring at him with a certain countenance that ryuusui was incredibly familiar with.
ryuusui had a feeling that he knew what sai was referencing, but he acted dumb anyway, “what are you talking about?” he asked as he cocked his head to the side, at least trying out the cute puppy look to escape whatever his brother was about to yell at him about.
but again, ryuusui knows better, and so does sai, “don’t look at me like that,” his voice was only just a couple decibels away from pure malice, “did you seriously bring senku here as your date?”
ryuusui couldn’t help but look away, “of course i did. he’s my boyfriend now,” he really should stop attempting to lie. nothing clever he ever said would ever get past sai, especially when he was already so suspicious and angry,
sai sighed and crossed his arms, “lying to mom is one thing,” he spoke, looking down at the floor, “but why are you making senku go through this stupid scheme of yours as well?” he looked up again at ryuusui, almost scaring him with how intense his gaze was.
ryuusui didn’t see any point in lying about it now, “i’m just doing what you suggested i should do,” ryuusui sighed, “by bringing a new significant other over, it deals with not having to directly tell mom i broke up with my girlfriend and appeasing her by not being single at the same time. it’s killing two birds with one stone, you know?”
sai just looked at him, “but it’s senku,” he said, staring at ryuusui like he knew something that ryuusui didn’t. it bugged like like an itch under his skin that he couldn’t quite scratch.
ryuusui frowned at his brother, stepping a bit further into the kitchen, “so what if it’s senku?” he asked, getting just a bit closer to his brother, “he’s the only one i can trust to do this with and not have it be weird.”
again, sai didn’t outwardly react and just stared at him, “are you seriously fucking dumb?”
ryuusui’s been called dumb before, but it hurt just a little bit more when it came from his brother, “what is your problem?” he asked, slightly offended.
“my problem,” sai began, standing up straight and looking ryuusui dead in his eyes, “is that you don’t realize that you’re madly in love with each other and that being his fake boyfriend probably hurts him more than you realize. because you’re an idiot,”
ryuusui stared at him, not even sure he was processing his words correctly, “i’m not an idiot,” he spoke slowly, sai’s words suddenly coming and landing in his brain, “and i’m not in love with senku,” was he lying? ryuusui wasn’t even sure if he wanted to admit that to himself. he couldn’t be in love with senku. that would ruin everything about their relationship. ryuusui.. no ryuusui wouldn’t do that to him. he can’t.
“god you’re dense,” sai basically whispered, looking away for a moment in annoyance before his eyes returned to ryuusui’s, “even if you don’t know, i know. i’m your older brother. i’m supposed to notice these things when you can’t,” he sounded honest, and that’s what ryuusui hated the most. it was that sai wasn’t saying this to hurt him or mess with him. he could tell this was sai genuinely trying to get through to him.
“i’m,,: ryuusui began to speak, not exactly sure what he was saying at first, “even if i’m in love with him, i can’t date him seriously. i’m a terrible boyfriend who falls out of love like it’s nobody’s business,” ryuusui looked away, away from the honest eyes of his brother who was listening to him too intently, “i can’t do that to him. if i never admit it then it doesn’t become real and then i don’t have to fuck it up.”
when he looked back at sai, he didn’t seem angry anymore, “you’ve known him for how long?” sai asked, staring at his younger brother softly, “you’ve felt like this for how long? all those years together mean something ryuusui. if it hasn’t gone away by now then-”
“it doesn’t matter,” ryuusui interrupted, refusing to hear the rest of what he was going to say, “if i just keep pretending like senku doesn’t mean anything to me, then i don’t have to hurt him. it’s been ten years already. i can do it for the rest of my life.”
“do you sincerely mean that?”
the voice that spoke wasn’t sai. it was senku.
ryuusui turned around, his eyes widening at the sight of senku’s return alongside an out of breath gen, who ryuu assumed had lost his grip and let senku escape. the logistics of it didn’t really matter. senku was suddenly there, staring at ryuusui as ryuusui stared back, the dawning of that funny conversation the two of them have been skipping around for years suddenly staring them in the face.
ryuusui could only stare at senku as senku stared back, the two of them unsure where they were supposed to go with this.
senku spoke up again, “just,, follow me ryuu.”
ryuusui didn’t even say goodbye to his brother. he didn’t say a word to gen or to anyone else as he followed senku up the stairs of his own house into his own room. he closed it behind him, staring at senku’s back.
then senku turned around, a sudden flash of anger apparent in his crimson irises, “i think it’s time to talk about this. don’t you think it’s time to talk about this?” senku asked. ryuusui was unsure if he noticed how angry he suddenly got, but ryuusui couldn’t help but feel the flame grow inside him as well.
he wasn’t going to play dumb either, “i would rather not talk about anything. i don’t think there’s really anything to discuss,” ryuusui spoke, watching senku look away, biting his lip like he was choosing his next words carefully.
he wouldn’t look at him, “are you in love with me?” senku asked, crossing his arms across his chest, “in the way that matters, i mean. do you love me in the forever way?”
ryuusui squinted at him, clenching his fists by his side, “you’re my friend, of course i-”
“no. not as a fucking friend,” senku interuppted, still not looking in ryuusui’s direction, “there’s a difference between friends and what we are and you know that.”
ryuusui furrowed his eyebrows, “no, there isn’t a difference,” he wasn’t sure why he was being so difficult. he wasn’t sure why he was running so far away when senku was being nothing but completely forward and honest. ryuusui always knew how to push senku to his limits, and it seemed like this time was no different as senku finally looked over at him, the anger winning over any other emotion he had imbedded in his irises.
“whatever ryuusui! I don't care!” senku suddenly yelled, the anger finally overtaking him.
it didn’t take long for the feeling in ryuusui’s gut to grow and match the energy senku was exhibiting, “of course you don’t care. you never did. anything i ever did to you was fake. all of it was. i’m sorry i ever talked to you since you seem to be so distraught by anything i do,” he didn’t mean to ramble, but there he was, angrily rambling instead of just admitting what the boy wanted him to admit.
senku glared at him, “shut up! can you seriously shut up? for a second?” ryuusui knew that responding to senku’s anger with intense anger of his own wasn’t going to get either of them anywhere, but all of a sudden he just couldn’t help it.
ryuusui glared right back, “is that what you want me to do?”
“yes!” senku said, sounding extremely tired, “i need you to just be quiet and listen to me for once. i don’t want this. i don’t want you mad at me all the time.”
ryuusui furrowed hiis eyebrows, “i’m not mad at you all the time,” he spoke honestly, wondering where exactly it was that senku got that idea from.
senku rolled his eyes like ryuusui was stupid, “yes you are! you hate me!”
ryuusui’s eyes suddenly widened, “senku i don’t fucking hate you, are you serious?” it seemed like he and senku were rapidly approaching an intense breaking point for their relationship without even realizing it. senku was suddenly spewing out his unlocked, unattended feelings and ryuusui knew it was pointless to try and stop him.
“yes i’m serious!” senku was beginning to sound more hurt than angry as the conversation went on, “everytime we try to be more than anything but friends you always shut it down and pretend like it never happened. like the feelings we had never happened. you always date and date and love everyone who gives you a second glance and leave me behind like i’m worthless ,”
ryuusui didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that, “you're not worthless to me.”
“you make me feel that way!” senku seemed like he was trying not to yell, but the emotions coursing through him seemed to be too strong for him to handle, “you make me so upset and you make me cry. you are the only thing on this planet that’s ever made me cry, do you realize that?” senku was staring at him like he wanted ryuusui to respond, but again, ryuusui wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to say, “do you realize that ryuusui.. i’m talking to you.”
there was only one thing that kept coming to mind that ryuusui thought to say, “i’m in love with you,” he finally spoke, letting out a shaky, scared sigh, “i’ve always been in love with you.”
senku faltered for a moment as those words rang out across the both of them, until the anger suddenly returned to his face, “i fucking know that already ryuu.”
ryuusui simply just shook his head, “i can't date you senku. everyone i've ever dated has meant nothing to me and if i date you and the same thing happens, if i fall out of love with someone i've had feelings for since i was nine… id never forgive myself. i just can't date you senku,” he was finally being honest to himself, to senku. it was liberating at the same time as it was terrifying. these are words that always floated around in the back of his mind that were always there but were always things ryuusui was determined to run away from. ryuusui didn’t think he was angry anymore. he was simply just sorry.
senku let a tear roll down his cheek, “you think i wanna date you? you think i wanna love you and spend the rest of my life with you? you think i like feeling like this?”
ryuusui shut his eyes for a moment, “i won't put you through that senku.”
he opened his eyes to see senku rolling his eyes once again, “it’s been years ryuusui. i’ve been in love with you for years and you think that just because we put a label on it, it’ll go away?” senku was looking at ryuusui like he was the dumbest man alive, “you’re an idiot.”
“i know that already,” ryuusui almost whispered, not even fighting it anymore, “what the fuck do you want me to do about this. i don’t know how to fix us senku.”
“you don’t have to fix anything, we're not broken!” senku said, his voice extremely tired, “i love you with everything i have in me. i know i will never find anyone like you. i’m not gonna love anyone like you. so if you tell me now that we can’t do this, that you won’t try, i’m not gonna love anyone else for the rest of my life.”
ryuusui suddenly felt his own tears rising up into his eyes, “you can't say things like that,” he whispered, staring at senku while his eyesight began to blur, “that's so selfish of you.”
“i don’t fucking care. you are the last thing in this universe i'd ever want to lose. and now that you've got a foot out the door i don't care if its not nice,” the vulnerability in senku’s voice only grew the second he began to plead with ryuusui, “don’t leave me.”
“senku…”
“please i’m begging you. don’t leave me,” senku whispered, walking over and softly grabbing ryuusui’s hand, his touch like a cloud, “i don’t beg people ryuu. i need you please i’m so serious about this.”
ryuusui let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding in, “i’m not gonna leave you senku. i can’t. i just,” his thoughts were all over the place and it wasn’t helping that senku was touching him, “i don’t wanna love you anymore. i don’t wanna love you and then hurt you.”
senku softly stepped in closer and rested his head against ryuusui’s chest, the anger in the air slowly dissipating into something neither of them could see, “you hurt me all the time ryuu. everytime you kiss someone and it's not me, it hurts,” he admitted, his grip on ryuusui’s hand growing slightly stronger, “god please don't say that. don’t say you don’t wanna love me,”
ryuusui let out a shaky breath, “i don’t…”
“please,” senku whispered. ryuusui slipped his hand out of senku’s grasp and wrapped his arms around senku’s body, holding him impossibly tight.
“you make things so hard for me. you make everything hard for me. I hate you senku, more than anything,” ryuusui spoke into the top of his head.
ryuusui barely heard it, but senku did speak up again, “i hate you too.”
ryuusui could feel senku’s arms come up across his back, holding him back just as tightly as ryuusui was holding him. out of nowhere and all of a sudden, it felt different. and it felt right. senku was always supposed to be in his arms like this. senku fit there like nothing else did.
ryuusui leaned back, cupping senku’s cheek in one hand as he leaned down, kissing senku the way he had always wanted to, always meant to. it felt almost too perfect, like they had been doing this for years already, like this wasn’t the first time they’ve touched each other lips to lips.
it was the first time ryuusui had ever felt a kiss feel the way that it did. and for a split moment, ryuusui thought it was okay for once in his life to be wrong.
ryuusui, who had closed his eyes without even realizing it, pulled away softly, his breath still fanning out across senku’s face as he spoke his next words, “do you remember when we were seven and i proposed to you with a gummy peach ring?” ryuusui asked, opening his eyes.
he watched senku’s eyebrows furrow as he opened his eyes as well, “of course i remember,” senku responded, looking straight at ryuusui’s lips.
ryuusui gave him a small smile, “if i got you a better one, would that make you happy?”
senku hesitated for a moment, looking up timidly into ryuusui’s eyes, “...what do you mean a better one..”
ryuusui bumped his nose against senku’s, “you know what i mean. the i want to marry you kind of ring,” he said it so easily it scared him. the words came out of his mouth faster than his brain realized they were out there.
he noticed senku’s eyes opening wider, “i thought you said you didn’t want to love me anymore.”
ryuusui wanted to roll his eyes, but decided it better not to, “it’s like you said. i’m not gonna love anyone else for the rest of my life if you leave me, i know that. i don’t love people the way i love you. i’m just,,, i'm so terrified senku,” he spoke honestly, his forehead now resting against senku’s.
senku sighed, “i already told you. you’ve hurt me more times than you can count. i don’t care. you can’t hurt me more than you’ve been hurting me your whole life.” ryuusui wasn’t exactly sure what he was supposed to say to that. but then again, that’s how he felt this whole time, and now here they were, in each others arms.
ryuusui let out a quiet breath, “do you trust me to love you forever?”
“more than anything,” senku responded without hesitation, “do you trust me?”
ryuusui simply just smiled, “let’s get married.”
senku rolled his eyes, leaning his head away from ryuusui’s, “i don’t want to get married right now… idiot..”
ryuusui’s smiled only seemed to grow, “fine. let's get married in a year.”
senku began to glare at him, “i don’t-”
“shut up senku i know you do,” ryuusui managed to interrupt before senku could even get the sentence out, “i’m sorry i hurt you,” he admitted, pulling senku in close again.
senku seemed to accept this, and wrapped his arms around ryuusui’s neck, “i don’t care.”
he knew he didn’t care, but ryuusui felt the need to apologize anyway, “i’m sorry i don’t know what i want. i usually have everything figured out,” he spoke, leaning forward and kissing senku again like it was the most natural thing in the world for them.
“you’re a good man,” senku whispered as he pulled away, his eyes closed, “no matter what you’ve done, i was always sure i loved you. that’s never changed and you know that,” he spoke, opening his eyes to meet ryuusui’s.
they both knew the conversation was over. they both knew that everything that had been building up for over ten years was finally out in the open. senku and ryuusui, although they never realized it, had never been alone. they’ve always had each other, even if they didn’t realize it. and they’ve always loved each other, even if they didn’t realize it.
“so fine,” senku spoke, finally cracking a smile, “instead of giving you your christmas present, i’ll marry you.”
ryuusui beamed a smile brighter than he’s ever beamed before, “til death do us part?”
senku rolled his eyes, “sure ryuu. til death.”