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When Mirabel woke up to the smell of fire and panicked yelling, she knew that this wouldn’t be a good day. The only instance you would wake up by the smell of fire was if there was an actual fire or Tia Pepa decided to cook. It was usually the last alternative.
Not to say that Tia Pepa wasn’t a good cook, but… Okay, yeah, who was she kidding? Tia Pepa couldn’t cook at all. And the fact that she had very questionable food opinions made it worse. She shuddered at just the thought of the countless of times she had seen her tia eat bars of soap as a snack.
Mirabel got dressed quickly and hurried down the stairs to the kitchen. Someone had to stop Tia Pepa before she burned down the house and they became homeless… Again.
“Ay, Pepa get out of my kitchen before I throw you out myself!”
“This is our casita, our kitchen, you get out of my kitchen and let me do the cooking”
A long sigh left Mirabel’s mouth, stepping into the kitchen. Tia Pepa immediately looked over at her, stopping her argument with Julieta.
“Buenos días sobrina, would you like a lovely home cooked meal?” She spoke, a too big grin on her face as she presented a plate of what looked like incredibly burnt arepas.
“Uhm, You know what, I'm not hungry at the moment” Mirabel lied, an innocent smile creeping onto her lips.
“Hmpf, suit yourself, more for me”
She could see her Mama in the corner of her eyes, letting out a sigh of relief. Now to think of it, her Mama looked tired, and almost… Oh no. The dread settled when she realized it. Her Mama was sick. Which made the kitchen a free workplace for Tia Pepa and her… Creations.
“Mama, are you okay? You look a little sick” she asked cautiously.
“I’m fi-” Her Mama was broken off by her own coughs, “I’m fine”
“Mhmm sure” Tia Pepa mumbled from where she was sitting by the table, snacking on what she now realized were soap filled burnt arepas. She invontaluary shuddered.
“Mama, don’t lie to me, come on let’s get you to bed”
“I really need to stay here” Another coughing fit, “Pepa will burn the kitchen down otherwise”
“If I promise to stay away from the stove, will you go sleep?” Tia Pepa asked, rolling her eyes.
“I know you hermanita, you would accidentally burn down the house by simply using the sink, but fine, I’ll go back to sleep”
“Great, adios Mama, I’ll stay right here making sure nothing goes wrong” Mirabel assured her Mama, and gently pushed her out of the kitchen.
“I’m not some child” Pepa muttered sourly, the cloud over her head turning gray.
Ten minutes later and she realized she had jinxed herself, everything was going wrong. Or well, mostly wrong.
Everyone but her Mama and Papa were seated at the table, avoiding eating Tia Pepa’s food. Felix was politely eating small bites of the soap arepas, Mirabel knew that he would get food poisoning. Nobody was saying anything about it, not wanting to fall victim to Tia Pepa’s wrath.
Worst of all was that Abuela didn’t seem to notice anything, she sat at the head of the table completely clueless while talking to Antonio. Either she didn’t really notice it, or she ignored it or she was used to it. Was this where Pepa’s weird food tendencies came from?
Mirabel coughed into her hand, dragging the attention from the others to her. “So, uhm, what are the chores for today?” she asked, keeping her eyes on Abuela.
“It’s Wednesday, Mira” Isabela murmured to her.
“Yes, a Wednesday, and you know what that means?” Dolores prompted, picking up Isabela’s mumbling.
“Relaxation day, no chores!” Camilo cheered, leaning back in his chair too far which made him almost fall off.
“Ay Cami don’t do that” Pepa scolded her son, “You’ll hurt yourself and your Tia Julieta isn’t well so we’ll have no magical healing”
“Si, si, Mama”
The morning went by quickly and soon it was time for lunch. One of the three dreaded times of the day when her Mama was sick. Mirabel could hear the thunder coming from the kitchen, someone was trying to stop Tia Pepa from cooking. That was what she hoped at least.
“We really need to put an end to this” She mumbled to herself, leaning back into the soft couch cushions and putting down the shirt she was embroidering on, it was for her Tio Bruno.
“Mama’s cooking? Hm!” Dolores voice came from out of nowhere, startling Mirabel.
“AH- Dolores, hello! I was totally not thinking about Tia Pepa’s cooking, I love it, very fantastic, yum yum you know?”
Dolores gave her a look, “You’re a bad liar prima”
“I know” Mirabel let out a long sigh, “No wait! I’m not lying at all! Her cooking is fantastic, pleasedon’tbemadatme ”
“Mama’s cooking… Could use some work, a lot of work, but I agree, we need to stop it”
Before Mirabel could say something there was a yell from downstairs, “DINNERS READY”.
Dolore’s winced. “Come on let’s go” she whispered.
---
After lunch Mirabel gathered all the grandkids in her room, with some snacks she had managed to snatch from the kitchen without Pepa noticing it.
“Okay” She said, pacing the floors, “Tia Pepa needs to be stopped, she’s out of control”
“Finally, someone fucking says something about it” Isabela muttered under her breath, but somehow everyone seemed to hear her.
Luisa let out a gasp, Mirabel stared at her and Dolores covered Antonio’s ears while sending a look her way.
“Isabela? Swearing? What is this, the end of the world?” Camilo screeched and leaned dramatically against Dolores, a hand draped over his forehead.
“Hm! Isa swears all the time” Dolores said, shoving Camilo off her.
“Wow, way to throw me under the bridge”
“Sorry”
“Wait, wait, wait, how did we not notice this earlier?” Luisa asked.
“She says the fuck word under her breath a lot! The rats told me” Antonio piped up, and everyone froze.
“Oooh Isabela is in trouble~” Camilo teased.
“Please don’t repeat that!” Isabela grabbed the five year old’s hands, staring into his eyes, her eyebrows furrowed.
“But you say it”
“I’m an adult I can say it, but you’re five. Just please don’t repeat it? For me?”
“Okay!” Antonio agreed, everyone let out a sigh of relief.
“We can bring up Isa’s swearing problems later-” Mirabel interrupted them.
“-It’s not a problem-” Isabela huffed.
“-At the moment we need to come up with a plan!”
“What if Tio Felix takes her out?” Luisa asked.
“Murder?”
“Cami! No! What’s wrong with your brain!?”
“Mind your business, my medical history is private!”
“This isn’t going anywhere” Mirabel breathed out, “Okay, Luisa please elaborate”
“They go on a date this evening and someone else that can cook cooks”
“Huh, that’s actually a great idea!”
“Ooh! Ooh!” Camilo held up his hand, “I wanna cook!”
“Don’t you hate doing shores?”
“It’s easier to do them if you pretend you’re a housewife of a rich man, isn’t it Cami?”
“Isa! You’re so mean to me, don’t call me out like this, I’m honestly crying” Camilo wailed, while not crying. Isabela rolled her eyes, a small smile on her face. “I volunteer you to cook with me since you’re behaving like this”
“Fine”
“Haha booyah!”
“Who’s gonna convince Tia Pepa and Tio Felix?” Mirabel asked.
“Leave that to me and Antonio” Dolores chimed in, before turning to Antonio, “You can finally use your puppy eyes in a good way”
“What? Tonio’s puppy eyes are always being used in a good way” Camilo protested.
“Really? Like the times he helps you with pranks?”
“Oh uhm…” He trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
“Okay, Then Luisa and I will make sure that Mama gets better so we don’t have to do this tomorrow again”
“Will do” Luisa gave her thumbs up.
---
In the end everything went well. Tia Pepa’s and Tio Felix’s date went well. They didn’t need to eat another “French Delicacy” made by Tia Pepa, that was just in reality fish with chocolate poured over it. Camilo and Isabela were surprisingly good cooks. And her Mama was one of those weird people that got well after just one day of sickness.
Everything was going great until breakfast the day after…
“Fuck!” Antonio said, dropping the too hot arepa that he’d previously held.
“WHAT!?” Tia Pepa thundered, “Who taught him that!?”
Isabela sank lower in her seat, she was screwed.