Archive of Our Own

"Why are you even asking a friend to come and collect your things instead of coming down and getting it yourself?" Wonwoo asks into the other line as he adjusts his head so the phone placed in between his right cheek and shoulder would not drop to the floor.

"Jeonghan, your office is only fifteen minutes away from our apartment," he adds as he attempts to whip an egg with a fork (because apparently, his whisk thought it was the best time to go missing) only to drop it into the bowl.

"And what about it?" Yoon Jeonghan, his best friend since the day he learned how to do basic math and also his roommate since college, asks with that annoyingly snobby yet playful voice. He could almost hear the smug look the older is probably sporting right now with his feet propped up on his working table.

"A fifteen-minute walk won't hurt you," he replies. "You could use some exercise, Yoon Jeonghan. You're an office workerㅡ aw, shit! I dropped another egg!ㅡ who sits on the same chair for eight hours without a break, unless it's for potty or lunch."

"I do move in my seat!"

"Spinning the swivel chair doesn't count."

"And I do exercise almost every single night, thank you very much!"

"Gross!"

"And I appreciate your concern for my well-being, Wonie, but trust me, I get to move a lot and test my stamina every night with Seungcheolㅡ"

"Jeonghan, I'm about to have my lunch. Please don't make me throw up on the food I'm about to make," he pauses as he looks at the ingredients pathetically.

"Are you making lunch or poison?"

"Shut up," he mumbles as he pours the content into the hot pan. "At least I can make something that's edible enough for the dog to eat."

"Why would I bother cooking when Seungcheol buys me food all the time?"

"Is Seungcheol your boyfriend or sugar daddy?"

"Boyfriend and sugar daddy. He can be anything I want, to be honest."

"Ugh, but seriously though. Why are you calling me using Seungcheol's phone? Didn't you charge yours last night?" he puts the phone on the counter before resuming his task at hand.

"I left my phone in my room. You know that I woke up late and only had about twenty minutes 'til my meeting started. I was even surprised I was able to put on my pants properly."

"Not that you're gonna need it later anyway," he chastised.

"Exactly."

Wonwoo rolls his eyes so hard he could almost see the back of his head before turning his divided attention back into his pan. He peers through the kitchen door and glances at the clock, his anxiety building up the more he notices that he's been waiting for someoneㅡ Jeonghan's coworkerㅡ to knock on his door for almost half an hour now.

"Jeonghan, why is your friend not here yet? I've done my cleaning and making sure our apartment looks livable enough but he's still not here."

Jeonghan, who lives fifteen minutes away from his office, had nicely asked one of his workmates to go to their shared apartment to collect some documents he brought home for the weekend.

Apparently, the guy who's coming over is named Kim Mingyu, a hot, nice looking lad (Jeonghan's words, not his) who started working in the company a few months agoㅡ and he was also kind enough to volunteer to come and get the documents during his lunch break instead of just letting the older suffer in his own work station.

That alone is enough to tell Wonwoo that Mingyu is a nice hoobae because who the hell is nice enough to sacrifice their own lunch break to come and get said papers?

Kim Mingyu apparently.

And he's also not really sure about the details but he remembers Jeonghan mentioning something about Mingyu being an old acquaintance back in college though Wonwoo couldn't remember ever meeting someone with that name before despite going to the same college as Jeonghan.

But Wonwoo wasn't particularly the type of person before who hangs around the school and goes to meet his friends' other friends so it just makes sense to him why Mingyu doesn't sound familiar to him at all. That and also they were not from the same department so he considers that thought.

Also, he's not really a fan of other people he doesn't know coming over to their apartment. It's not that he doesn't trust them, or generally doesn't like having people over (because trust him, Wonwoo loves hanging out with his friends) or any reason of some sort. It's just that he's not particularly good at meeting new people whether or not his own friends know them.

But still, no matter how much Jeonghan put a lot of good words about this man, he can't help but side-eye the front door.

"I'm sure he's about to knock in a few minutes now."

"As I've said, your office is fifteen minutes away from our apartment. Are you sure you gave him the right direction?" He looks out the window and he can't help but worry at the dark clouds forming above which only indicates that it's going to rain hard any minute now.

"I'm pretty sure. He's been there before a couple of times now actually. I'm even confident to say he can drive himself there with his eyes closed," Wonwoo's eyebrow shot up at that piece of information.

"Oh, really? Why am I unaware of that?"

"It's because he usually goes there when you're at work. Just there to collect things and papers, really."

Wonwoo shrugs, not really giving it much thought and attention. "Also, I hope your coworker brought an umbrella. It looks like it's about to rain now and the trip from the parking lot to our lobby is quite challenging when it rains."

"Don't worry about him, Wonwoo. He's going to be alright. And also, he has an umbrella in his car all the time so relax your clenching hole right there."

Godㅡ sometimes, Jeonghan really makes him question why he's friends with him.

The fully cooked (and hopefully edible) scrambled egg and black bean noodles are now ready to be devoured. He places a bowl and a plate on the counter before putting away everything else on the sink.

He sits down on the stool and leans on the counter.

"But seriously, Wonwoo, don't worry about him. Mingyu is a big boy," Wonwoo rolls his eyes at that. "He's coming over now. He probably just needs to mentally prep himself for what he's about to see."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I meanㅡ you were cooking, right? Or at least attempted to cook? I bet he smelled the burning egg or whatever you're cooking from outside when he's about to knock and now he's probably in the lobby waiting for the burnt smell to disappear from our apartment."

"Stop exaggerating. My egg isn't that bad," he complains as he takes a forkful of his rather salty scrambled egg.

"What egg?"

"Jeonghan!"

The older laughs on the other line. "Listen, I'm sorry for not informing you ahead of time that a coworker of mine will be there to collect my papers. I was just so out this morning that I forgot about it. I know you hate meeting new peopleㅡ"

"Hate is a strong word. I prefer dislike. Or uncomfortable if you will."

"Right. I know you feel uncomfortable meeting new people without anyone familiar around you but trust me, Mingyu is a cool and chill guy. He can carry a conversation if you like him to and also knows how to read the room. He's a literal angel too so there's nothing for you to worry about."

Wonwoo wordlessly continues eating his meal and eventually hums at the thought. "Mingyu can just slip inside the apartment and be gone like a wind in just about ten seconds," Jeonghan explains.

Wonwoo glances at the window again and starts noticing the soft rain shower starting to fall.

"You don't have to talk or entertain him in any way, really. He's just there to collect the papers and also some of Cheol's clothes that he left a few days ago."

Right.

Wonwoo does not particularly hate meeting and interacting with new people. He just feels uncomfortable having to talk to them without any friends or anyone familiar around him standing nearby to reassure him that everything's alright.

He doesn't know when it really started, or how such a situation became uncomfortable to him when he could've sworn his younger self didn't have a problem about it before.

But he guesses it started when people he doesn't recognize or haven't talked to or seen before in his life started coming up to him in random ass places (like the local supermarket or the nearest park) as if they've known each other for years.

It didn't just happen once, twice, or thrice, but multiple times that he started dreading having to meet new people in different places.

It's been a constant "Hello, Wonwoo! How are you, man? I haven't seen you in so long!",  "Did you and Seokmin recently talk? I haven't seen the fucker in months!" to "Hey, Wonwoo. Are you sure you don't recognize me? It's me, Seokmin!"

They all claimed to be friends with him, but he just can't seem to bring himself to remember their names.

And it has become really frustrating for him.

He even came to the point where going out without Jeonghan, the person assigned to explain things to strangers who come up to him, is nearly impossible.

But now he's feeling much better than before and the number of people coming up to him has lessened dramatically.

But still, he can't help but overthink about the fact that Jeonghan's coworker will be dropping by to collect his and Seungcheol's things.

Right. Maybe that's really the root cause of why his legs are bouncing under the table with his slippers slapping the floor with every second he spends waiting for this Mingyu guy to come and knock on the door.

Will he be like the other strangers who would recognize Wonwoo in just a millisecond and claim to be his best friend again? Will this Mingyu guy ask him about someone he's never heard of before?

Will this Mingyu guy look hurt and sad the moment Wonwoo denies ever knowing the guy?

He sighs. "It's okay, Hanie. I understand. It's just thatㅡ" a soft knock on the door interrupts him. "Oh, I guess this is him knocking now."

"I told you he's coming. And Wonwoo, please be nice to him."

Wonwoo rolls his eyes again. "I am always nice. I just get awkward and then sometimes forget how to interact, is all,"  he hears Jeonghan chuckle when he stands up and heads to the front door.

"I know, sweetie. Good luck, though."

"Good luck?"

He could hear Jeonghan dramatically sighing on the other line. "Mingyu is a godㅡ an adonis, the book definition of perfection. He's the type of guy you'd not want to leave your room so good luck trying not to jump on him, love!"

"Yoon Jeonghan, I swear to god, I'll choke you through this phone if I couldㅡ"

"Kinky motherfucker, but no thanks! I already have Seungcheol to do that to me! Goodbye and good luck, Wonie! Mingyu knows what he's going to collect there so relax and enjoy your meal! Also, have you taken your meds and pills? Please don't ever forget that, okay? Don't take your meds on an empty stomach! Okay? Okay. Love you! Bye!"

And with that, the older hangs up before muttering something else that doesn't sound appealing to him.

Jeonghan doesn't need to know that he ran out of meds and won't be taking anything for todayㅡ for the first time in months at that.

He's not usually the type to forget to restock his pills and vitamins that he's been taking for two years now, but when he's surrounded by his own deadlines at work combined with a nagger of a boss, he's just bound to forget about it.

He guesses a quick trip to the pharmacy before Jeonghan gets home will save him from an earful later.

He puts away his phone and looks out the window again and by the looks of it, the sky seems to be starting to shower now. It's getting darker and darker and he's afraid it might really turn into a heavy rain before he could run to the pharmacy later.

Wonwoo then slowly approaches the door while the person ㅡ surely Mingyuㅡ continues to knock.

"Hi," Wonwoo greets in a soft voice as he sticks his head out through the gap.

The guy straightens his back at the sight of him, his face instantly lighting up on autopilot.

"Hello! I am Kim Mingyu, Yoon Jeonghan sunbaenim's coworker at Piping! I'm here to get the papers he left here as well as some of Seungcheol hyung's things. Am I in the right room?"

Wonwoo looks up at him and he can't help but instantly smile at how Mingyu is grinning down at him, the wrinkles in his eyes turning visible the more he smiles hard at him.

Kim Mingyu simply sporting a white dress shirt and black trousers with an ID sling around his neck, a complete contrast to Wonwoo's cotton shorts and plain blue shirt.

The voice at the back of his head is telling him that Jeonghan was right about what he said about Mingyuㅡ about him looking like a godㅡ and yes, he admits that the guy really looks good but he'll never admit it Jeonghan.

He'll never let the older know he was right.

"Hi, Mingyu. Yes, you're in the right room. I'm Jeon Wonwoo, by the way, Jeonghan's roommate," he bows at the taller before opening the door wide so he could get inside.

"Hi, Jeon Wonwoo. I've heard a lot about you from Jeonghan."

"All good things, I hope?"

"Erm," Wonwoo's eyes slightly widened at the hesitation in Mingyu's voice. "Just how I should be careful around you when you're attempting to cook. Said I should wear protective gear for good measures."

"Yoong Jeonghan, seriously. But I'll have you know that I'm not that bad of a cook."

"I can tell by the smell of it," Mingyu stands in the middle of the living room as Mingyu takes off his shoes and puts his bag on the chair near him. "Scrambled eggs?"

Wonwoo tilts his head to the side.

"I can smell it even from outside."

"I hope the slightly burnt smell didn't drive you away that's why it took you almost an hour to knock?" Well, where did that come from?

"The slightly burnt smell pulled me in like it needed help. Somewhat like asking me to rescue it," Mingyu's eyes glint with mischief and playfulness as he stares right at Wonwoo's eyes. And for some reason, he didn't feel uncomfortable under the taller's gaze.

In fact, it made him feel playful as well, something that doesn't usually happen when meeting new people.

"And for the record, I took the wrong turn that's why it took me so long to get here," Mingyu chuckles at himself before scratching the back of his head. He then extends his hand to show a box of macaroons Wonwoo hadn't noticed earlier and continues, "I dropped by the café to buy you this."

His face lights up once again when he notices it's the dessert from his favorite shop five minutes away from their apartment. "Oh, is this for me? You shouldn't have bothered! Oh my, thank you so much though!"

Mingyu smiles at him. "I figured I should buy you something to eat. Don't worry about it, really."

Wonwoo doesn't know what to do with his hands so he delightfully receives it, places it on the coffee table in front of them, and unknowingly reaches out for the throw pillow to rearrange it on the couch. "But Jeonghan said you've been here multiple times already? I assumed you already know every corners of the block."

"Erm, I was thinking of another coffee shop at the other corner while driving so maybe that's why my brain thought I was heading there. Silly me." Mingyu stands in front of him and that's when he realized that Mingyu stood a few inches taller than him but even with a very small height difference, it still almost feels like he's towering over him with the way he puffs his chest and carries himself.

Wonwoo nods. "Will you be alright though? Your lunch break is almost over and you just arrived here."

"It's alright. Got the rest of the day off since I have somewhere else to go after this."

Wonwoo nods again, unsure what to do next, and heads to the counter so he can slowly start munching on his meal. He watches Mingyu bringing his bag to the couch as he arranges something inside, probably making room for the papers he's about to collect.

"You didn't have your lunch yet?" Mingyu asks as he glances at him through the long, diagonal window separating the kitchen and the living room.

"Oh, yeah, I haven't eaten yet but I'm done cooking so it's fine."

"Ah, sorry for disturbing you then. I'll be quick in gathering Jeonghan sunbae's documents and will be out of your hair like I wasn't here in the first place," Mingyu tips his head at him in courtesy and Wonwoo waves his hands dismissively at him.

He chuckles at him, the unexplainable nervousness slowly wearing off the more he looks at Mingyu. "It's okay. You're not disturbing me in any way. And Jeonghan's room is at the end of the hallway to the right. Take your time though to make sure you got everything you need."

"I should've just brought you a proper meal."

"Oh god, it's fine, Mingyu. The macarons are already enough. How did you know I like macarons?" he tilts his head to the side and watches Mingyu again in amusement. The taller only shrugs at his question.

"Lucky guess. I mean, who doesn't like macarons?"

Fair enough.

"Anyway, I gotta go to sunbae's room so I'll be out of your hair as quickly as possible."

And Mingyu disappears to the room with yet another polite bow and smile like Wonwoo is a sunbae Mingyu is for in his company. He hums contentedly at how things turned outㅡ a complete opposite to what he expected if he were to be honest.

Mingyu isn't like one of those strangers who claims to know Wonwoo for years or those people who would give him a random pat on the back before asking about the whereabouts of Seokmin, Soonyoung, Minghao, Hansol, or whatever name they can bring up to him.

And for some reason, it sounds strange that he was out there talking to Mingyu without wanting the latter to get out of the apartment as quickly as possible so he can enjoy his own company in peace.

It also feels strange that he didn't feel the need to call Jeonghan for some reason.

But maybe it's just the friendly and cool vibes Mingyu is emitting that made him feel comfortable and familiar despite his tall frame and huge body build.

He puts another forkful of egg in his mouth when Mingyu emerges back from the room with stacks of paper in his hands. He wordlessly works on his tasks while Wonwo ignores and pretends like Mingyu isn't occasionally glancing at him (or the food, he isn't sure) from his spot.

He figures the man hasn't eaten his meal too.

"How about you? I mean, have you eaten your lunch yet?" he asks with his fork inside his mouth and watches Mingyu shaking his head.

Okay, so maybe his scrambled eggs are a little bit saltier than expected but he hides his disgust because he doesn't have the time and energy to make another one.

Good thing he has radish with him so he can wash out the salty taste of it in his mouth.

"Not yet. I'll probably head to the nearest fast food chain to grab a bite after I'm done here. I'm almost done anyway." Maybe that was supposed to help Wonwoo feel better but he only feels bad for not inviting him to eat and hesitates to take another bite with Mingyu smelling the (burnt) scrambled eggs while he's probably starving.

"You already heard from Jeonghan that I'm not a good cook but the eggs I made are edible," he trails off as he starts to stand up and get another clean plate for Mingyu to use. "Would you like to eat lunch with me?"

Or maybe Wonwoo should really just shut up and just offer the black bean noodles instead before he's going to embarrass himself by feeding Mingyu salt with a little hint of egg in it.

But still, that's how Wonwoo finds himself sitting across Mingyu on his counter, the latter's own plate full of black bean noodles and scrambled eggs, while they peacefully inhale the food in front of them.

They also ended up talking about work and a few bits of their personal lives, though Wonwoo feels a bit wary about telling Mingyu some bit of information about his life for some reason. He also tiptoed about the topic of old friends, careful not to share about random strangers walking up to him and claiming to know them.

"...and then the boss accidentally put his documents in the paper shredder but I didn't feel bad about it. Not one bit. Serves him right for being an asshole though," Mingyu finishes his story about the boss he had in his previous job and Wonwoo can't help but laugh at the mental image.

"Oh god, I feel bad for saying this but he deserves it."

Mingyu smiles at his plate before taking another bite of his eggs. "And this tastes delicious too."

Wonwoo almost snorts the juice he's drinking and he can't help but laugh at the comment. Seriously, Mingyu is too kind for this.

He doesn't deserve to eat this horrendous meal with him.

"Oh my god, did the salt destroy your taste buds?" he asks in which Mingyu laughs at how Wonwoo looks at him incredulously.

"No, but really, it doesn't taste as bad as what you're probably thinking right now. As what you've said, it's still edible and I kind of miss eating this."

"The what? Scrambled eggs? Haven't made it yourself for a long time now?"

Mingyu lifts his head to look at him with that kind of glint in his eyes that Wonwoo couldn't quite fathom. "Something like that, yeah."

They spent a bit more time laughing at some other matters, the lighthearted vibe surrounding them made Wonwoo even more comfortable than earlier. It's like he's just chatting with an old friend that he hasn't seen for years, the conversation naturally going smooth.

Mingyu then clears his throat as he twists the noodles around his chopstick. "Have you taken your pills for the day?"

Wonwoo pauses from drinking the juice from his glass. "How did you know about that?"

Mingyu twists some more before replying, "Jeonghan sunbae mentioned to me to ask you about it. Said you should drink it after eating. You know that taking one on an empty stomach isn't good, right?"

Wonwoo playfully leans in and motions the taller to get closer, "I'll let you in on one of my secrets. I forgot to restock so I'm not taking one today."

He giggles at that like a child keeping a secret from his parents, perhaps like he's secretly keeping a stash of his favorite watermelon flavored gummy bears under his bed.

Jeonghan can be like a parent to him when it comes to taking his pills, mouth running a thousand miles just to remind him to take it on time and never skip even a day.

Mingyu frowns at that, his jaw clenching at the thought. "But you're going to the pharmacy later, right?"

Wonwoo glances at the window again and notices the now heavy rain outside. He bites his tongue in contemplation but the situation outside is making him lazy and he would rather just roll around his bed than go outside and potentially get himself stranded because of the rain.

No, thank you.

His meds and pills can wait until tomorrow, he thinks.

"I don't think so? It depends on the weather condition. If it stops later, I might take a quick trip to the pharmacy," he shrugs nonchalantly.

But strangely, Mingyu's frown only deepens as he stares at Wonwoo longer than expected. "But it doesn't look like it'll stop today. The weather forecast said it'll rain for the whole day."

Wonwoo shrugs again. "Then I guess I won't be going outside until the rain stops. I'll just buy the pills tomorrow morning if I'm lucky."

Mingyu stares at him a little more like he's in deep thought, noticeable enough for Wonwoo to feel his own neck and the tip of his ears heating up at the sudden attention thrown in his direction. He clears his throat to keep the weird bubbling at the pit of his stomach from consuming him before watching Mingyu shoving the noodles in his mouth in one go.

"Hey, slow down. No one's going to take your food from you."

"I'll be going out to buy your meds for you. You shouldn't skip a day when you've been diligently taking those for years," Mingyu then takes a gulp of his own glass of juice before standing up. "Do you know how bad it is for your body to suddenly stop taking your pills? You shouldn't be taking it for granted just because you don't feel anything right now."

Wonwoo's Eyebrows are now knitted together in concern as he pulls Mingyu back to him by his left arm before the latter can exit the kitchen. Mingyu halts in his spot and glances at him with a somewhat stunned look on his face.

He doesn't understand why Mingyu is suddenly acting like this, and couldn't understand why Mingyu seems so upset about him skipping a day, like Wonwoo just told him something unforgivable. He tugs at the hem of his shirt and with a soothing touch on Mingyu's arm, he continues to pull him back to the stool next to him and luckily, the latter didn't protest.

"Hey, it's fine. I've been taking this pill for years now so I don't think it'll affect me in any way just because I skipped a day," he reassures and Mingyu seems to realize what he has done because he pulls his arm away and scratches his forehead.

"Oh, shit. Sorryㅡ it's just that," Mingyu sighs and throws him a sorry look. "Sorry for acting like it's my business. I just know...someone who takes meds like you and I got worried when you told me you're skipping because....it reminded me of...this person."

The look on Wonwoo's face softens at the mention of the rather sensitive topic. "Oh, sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, it's okay. This person and I haven't talked in so long now anyway. I just...got reminded of how I felt when I found out he's been taking pills for his...erm, medical condition," Mingyu wipes his sweaty palms on his trousers as he looks at everything but Wonwoo.

Wonwoo nods and bites the inside of his cheeks, not really knowing what to do next. The already comfortable feeling surrounding them moments ago is suddenly replaced with something that somewhat requires Wonwoo to tiptoe around the topic, to carefully walk on the floor covered with eggshells.

But the curious feeling inside him wouldn't go away, like a consistent knock at the pit of his stomach, so he asks anyway. "I... have a question though. It's okay if you don't want to answer but...what is he suffering from?"

Mingyu visibly stills in his spot, fingers now pinching his skin through the cloth of his trousers, and the bouncing of his legs stops too. The whole kitchen gets eerily silent except for the increasing sound of the rain pelting down against the kitchen window.

The insistent tapping on the window continues and the more Wonwoo stares at Mingyu, the more he notices the latter's eyes sparkling under the orange pendant light of the kitchen.

It looks like unshed tears in Wonwoo's perspective but he could've been wrong for all other reasons. But still, the look on Mingyu's face is enough for Wonwoo to feel bad for ever asking that question out loud.

It sounds like a very sensitive topic for Mingyu, and the thought alone has Wonwoo taking a deep breath with how his chest throb at the thought.

"I'm...Mingyu, you don't have to answer itㅡ"

Mingyu lets out a deep sigh and stands up to put away his plates in the sink, eyes blinking rapidly as if to stop his eyes from ever spilling unwanted tears.

Wonwoo figures out again that it's something that shouldn't be brought up againㅡlike everㅡ that's if they'll ever have a chance to hang out and talk like this in the near future.

"What about you though? What..." Mingyu starts as he cleans his spot with a wet rag. "What are those pills for?"

Wonwoo hums in contemplation but more on thinking about how he's going to tell Mingyu what he knows because he himself doesn't know much about his condition too. But it doesn't stop him from sharing it with Mingyu though.

"Some sort of a heart and lung condition."

"You don't sound sure."

Wonwoo merely shrugs. In all honesty, he doesn't really know much about it. All he knows and remembers is waking up in a hospital bed with tubes connecting to different parts of his body, his memories not helping him remember what the hell happened the night he, according to Jeonghan, collapsed on the sidewalk.

He then remembers being told about his condition, that he should take three pills after every meal to help him get better. He was told that the pill will be there to help him feel comfortable and not let his condition get in his way of living.

Wonwoo didn't even ask for any clarification about it because he's afraid of what he's going to know, or what the doctors or even Jeonghan would say to him.

He's afraid to know what is happening to his body but as long as he isn't feeling anything weird or any unexplainable pain anywhere in his body then he's all good.

As long as he has the pills, things are nothing different for Wonwoo.

Wonwoo shrugs at that before using his chopstick to push the remaining scrambled eggs around his plate. "One thing's for sure, I need the pills to help me feel better."

The rain outside gets heavier and heavier, the once visible park a few blocks away from their building getting blocked by thick fog. The place even got colder and silent, a huge contrast to how Mingyu first knocked on the door.

He glances at Mingyu who is now drawing patterns on his marbled counter with his finger. "How does it feel? Your whole situation I mean?"

Wonwoo looks down. "It's alright, I guess. I mean, I can't quite remember how it feels to not have my meds so I'm not really sure."

And it's true.

He forgot what it feels like to wake up in the morning and goes about his day without taking any meds and vitamins. He forgot what it feels like to live a carefree life without worrying about restocking his almost empty box. He forgot about what it feels like to not think about his confusing condition despite having the final decision not to ask Jeonghan about it any further.

He forgot what it feels like to live without this condition, or whatever it is, like how he forgot about so many things he doesn't have the guts to ask and clarify.

It may not look like it, but Wonwoo is still confused about so many things but then again, like what the back of his mind tells him, he doesn't have the guts to clear his clouding mind.

The weird bubbling and humming in his body is telling him that he might not like the answer he's going to get so he pushes all the thoughts back to where it's hiding.

"It must be so hard for you to live like this."

The statement has Wonwoo looking up at Mingyu, and for some unexplainable reason, he can't help but feel his chest throb again at the sound of Mingyu's voice cracking while saying that. The sparkling of his eyes has returned, his brows knitted together in obvious concern and worry.

The voice is small, almost like a whisper, but still loud enough for him to hear.

"I'm sorry."

Wonwoo's heart starts to beat irregularly, and he could almost hear how it thumps violently in his chest. He subtly brings a hand to his chest and feels it begging to come out with his palm.

The voice, the look on Mingyu's face, and the way he apologized almost feel like a hard tug on his heartstrings. He takes one long deep breath as his hand itches to reach out to touch Mingyu's hand.

But touching him right now might look weird considering the fact that they just met so he clenches his fists and rests them on his lap.

No one dared to talk after that, the sound of rain outside now the only sound they could hear inside the apartment. Wonwoo could even hear a faint rumbling sound outside but what startles him was Mingyu's voice speaking out all of a sudden.

"He's got Hanahaki Disease."

He glances back at the taller, his shoulders now slouched forward and the confidence and playfulness he was emitting earlier wearing off instantly. All he could see is a man trying to look and sound strong in front of himㅡ someone who's been trying to be okay for a long time.

He stays quiet as it looks like Mingyu still has something to say.

"He...he's got Hanahaki because of me. And I'm living with this guilt inside me because he has to suffer this bad because of me," Mingyu adds, his voice breathy and broken.

Mingyu looks up at him, a single, fat tear now rolling down his cheek. "He's suffering because of me, Wonwoo."

Hanahaki Disease.

It's a cruel disease no one should ever go through or suffer, ever. It's something cruel that shouldn't exist in this already cruel world.

He's heard of it, of course. People talk about it, suffer from it, and worse, die from it. It's a cruel joke from the universe, a way to mock you and tell you that the one you love doesn't love you.

Or won't ever love you back no matter how hard you try to change their mind and the way they see you.

It is a reminder to everyone that the person suffering from it will potentially die for simply loving someone he doesn't expect to love him back.

It almost feels like loving is a sin now, like you're not allowed to love someone selflessly because it will eventually cost you your life.

But that's life anyway. You can't expect every single person around you to like you, let alone love you the way you love them, and it's just so, so, so wrong to put the blame on the other person just because he can't reciprocate your feelings.

"Why can't they just love them back?"

"Why can't they just force themselves to reciprocate the feelings?"

"Why can't they force themselves to take their love back?"

Because that's the thingㅡ you can't force love. You can't force yourself to love and unlove someone just because you said so. Love is a bittersweet thing that will make you or break you, fix you or destroy you, make you feel alive or take it away from you.

Hanahaki Disease is a ruthless joke because it exists to tell you that loving unconditionally is a sin and a mistake.

Wonwoo lets out a shaky breath at that, his whole body seemingly feeling the emotions running inside Mingyu's body and mind. He clutches at his shorts and stays still, a poor attempt to keep his emotions from showing.

He can't even begin to get himself to feel the guilt that's probably keeping Mingyu awake every night. Strangely enough, he can feel Mingyu beating himself up for whatever happened to the person he's referring to, and Wonwoo has this sudden feeling of comforting Mingyu, to let him know that he shouldn't blame himself for it.

His hands are cold when he reaches out to hold Mingyu's, and the sight of the single tear dropping to the back of his hand almost had Wonwoo pushing everything just to hug and comfort Mingyu.

"Wonwoo, he's got the Hanahaki Disease because of me. My dear friend is suffering because I was unaware of his feelings for me, and that I couldn't bring myself to love him back that time," Mingyu breathes out, Wonwoo's own chest hurting the more he looks at the former.

His hold around Mingyu's hand tightens. "And I can't...I can't ever forgive himself for putting him in that position."

"You...You can be there for him right now, Mingyu. Even if physically it's impossible to show him that you care since it might worsen his condition, you can still make him feel like you're always there for your friend."

Another tear rolls down his cheek, and this time, Mingyu finally flips his hand so they're properly holding each other's hands. "Wonwoo, I already lost him."

I already lost him.

The words hold so much weight and it could mean so much more than what was implied but Wonwoo is afraid to push more, to dig deeper and find out when Mingyu really means.

Asking him what he really means would be too much for Mingyu.

Did he lose him like what it originally meant?

Or did he lose him through the surgery that wipes out every memory and feelings the person has for you?

He doesn't know and he doesn't want to ask.

Wonwoo could feel a lump forming in his throat when he heard it, every word weighing as heavy as a boulder on his shoulders. He can't take it anymore.

It feels like his emotions are all over his place, like water from a dam that was suddenly opened. He can't understand the thumping of his chest, his lungs having a hard time catching his breath.

It must be because he skipped his pills for the day.

But still, his body seems to move on its own because he stands up from his seat and pulls Mingyu into a tight hug. He doesn't know what he wants to convey to him anymore but he hugs him stillㅡ to tell him and make him feel that he's there.

"Please don't blame yourself for it, Mingyu," he says carefully to him, face close to the crook of his neck.

"But I'm already too late."

He can finally feel Mingyu snaking his arms around his waist, his hold getting tighter and tighter as time passes by. But Wonwoo didn't move and just let Mingyu hold him like that, like he's the person Mingyu misses so muchㅡ the person who had loved Mingyu unconditionally and selflessly.

He continues to let Mingyu hug him so tight and for some damn strange reason, Wonwoo cries with him.

"Mingyu, look at me," he pulls away from him and takes his face with both hands. "You should stop blaming yourself for what happened to your friend. And I know for sure that he doesn't want you to carry that guilt with you forever. He wouldn't want to see you like this, blaming yourself for something you can't control."

"You think so?"

"I know so." Wonwoo reassures him by running his thumb on Mingyu's cheek. "I know he wants you to be free and happy, Mingyu. He wants the man he loves to be happy."

It's Mingyu who pulls him into a hug this time. And he cries more, his shirt getting wet from the tears falling down Mingyu's cheeks. And it hurts him to hold Mingyu like this.

It hurts to know that all this time, Mingyu feels like he's to be blamed for what happened to his friend. And it continues to hurt more, with his chest having that throbbing pain with every breath he takes.

He wants to pull away from the hug to let himself breathe but he doesn't move. He continues to stand there with Mingyu weeping silently into his shoulders like he hasn't done before. He continues to let the pain in his chest area almost taking his breath away, almost making him pass out from how much it fucking hurts him.

But he conceals it again. Not when Mingyu is holding him this tight, like he's afraid to let go of him and possibly disappear into thin air like none of this happened.

Like none of this is real.

It continues to hurt, and Wonwoo still finds it funny how a stranger can dig deep into his heart and make him feel things he hasn't felt before.

What does Wonwoo know about love, anyway?

How does he even know how much it hurts to be in anyone's position when he hasn't been in love before in his life? But still, it's hard to see Mingyu looking like this, like a delicate being that he wants to hold like this forever.

He buries his face in the crook of Mingyu's neck and inhales his comforting scent. He tightens his hold around his neck and says, with the softest voice he could mutter, "Please stop. It hurts me to see you like this."

It hurts.

It hurts so fucking much and he blames it now on the pills he hasn't taken yet. Maybe he should stop being so absorbed by his emotions so his chest wouldn't hurt this fucking much.

A voice within him tells him not to let go, to savour every minute he has with Mingyu, but his body especially his heart and his fucking lungs is telling him to let go before he passes away at how much it's hurting him.

He finally pulls away from Mingyu and he physically feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. He reaches out to touch Mingyu instead but it's just his body moving on its own and begging for some sort of contact yet again.

But why?

Why is he feeling like this?

Why is he so attached to Mingyu and his story when he usually doesn't let himself be affected like this?

Like he's involved in some way or another?

He watches as another tear rolls down Mingyu's cheeks, and he runs his thumb over it to wipe away any sorrow Mingyu is feeling. "It hurts, Mingyu. Please don't cry."

"I won't."