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He presses the button, and the machine plays.
Hey Fox. I was hoping not to get the machine. I know this is really tough on you, and you sounded really uptight the last time we spoke. But I’m proud of you for doing this. You know it’s hard on me, too. I miss you. I’ll call.
-Sunday, 10:07AM
He stares at the black machine; his finger hovers above the button. He does not press it. The machine keeps playing.
Mulder, it’s me. Sorry I didn’t call last week. It was tough, and I have back-to-back shifts now. I’m not 40 anymore. Next week’s going to be hell, too. I’ll call you sometime today. Love ya.
-Sunday, 9:40AM
His lips curl up when hearing Scully’s sleepy voice saying that she loves him. It never gets old, he thinks, unlike the two of them.
The machine plays the next recording.
Mulder, it’s me. I didn’t get it. It went to Dr. Klein and I told her good for her. I’m disappointed, but I kind of knew this was going to happen. But that means I can go with you to your appointment with Dr. Howard next Monday. So yay.
-Wednesday, 5:53 PM.
He kept this one for the demons when they visited, back in the day. Mulder remembers how he’s listened to this message and broken down crying twice, thinking it wasn’t worth it. He knows in his heart that even if she got the promotion, it still wouldn’t be worth it, their being apart. Mulder just hopes she thinks the same.
The machine does not give him time to pause.
Hey, it’s me. We have to talk to Dr. Howard about this calling arrangement. I hate getting the machine. Now my break is over. Urg.
-Tuesday, 2:12 PM.
Mulder smiles. This message always makes him smile. That’s why he’s kept it all these times.
“Gosh, is that my voice?” Scully says, and he gives her a little nod with a smile. “Why do you keep them?”
“So I have something to show for those dreadful nine months.” He reaches for her and pulls her to him.
“Nine months, Mulder.” She mocks.
“It felt a lot longer to me. It felt like two years.” He inhales her neck. “Doogie said it was just going to be a few weeks. I can’t believe I agreed to it.”
He wants to say I can’t believe you agreed to it, too, but decides against it.
“Well, yeah.” Scully sighs. “I’ll admit, I feel like I left you.”
She kisses his temple, and he can’t help but ask, “What do you mean?”
“Oh, Mulder.” She breathes out, and he realizes that she looks guilty. He does not like it.
“What is it, Scully?”
Scully frowns, and he gives her an encouraging look.
“I felt like I left you because I was hoping to get that promotion. It made my commute shorter; being closer to the hospital, I could provide a more timely service. I wanted that promotion, and so when Howard brought on his motivational treatment, even though I didn’t agree with it, I went along with it. And I left you, Mulder. I left you to pursue...”
“Dana...”
“No, Mulder, let me say it. I left you to pursue something else other than us. And I’m sorry. I knew you were suffering, and I didn’t choose to go with what I knew would be the best for you. I took someone else’s advice.”
“Well,” He licks his lips. “As brutal as it was, it worked on some levels. I wasn’t waiting for motivation to do something. You were it. And every time I missed you, I put myself in action to do something other than what I was working on. I made an effort to go see you and be with you, and that wasn’t something I was doing when I was in my funk. I rewarded myself because even the smallest connection to you became really meaningful to keep going...”
She bows her head, feeling his pain and loneliness, as they are indeed shared by her.
“Hey,” he tries to get her attention. “Don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy those rules imposed by Howard. Remember the first month we couldn’t see each other? And that stupid no house-visit rule? He kind of gave us a chance to date again. I didn’t have any game left in me; I stopped dressing up to take you somewhere nice. We didn’t go out. Packing your lunch was the highlight of my day.”
“Well, my shifts certainly didn’t help. What was the longest that we didn’t see each other?”
“Three months and 2 weeks.” His quick answer makes her laugh. “Why do you think I kept those voice messages? I have other ones on my phone, too. Listening to the whole thing would take a good 20 minutes.”
“Thank goodness for phones.” She confesses.
“Are you going to come home, baby?” Mulder asks, not expecting a yes or no from her. He doesn’t think he’s fixed, but he needs her to hold his hand while he is fixing himself.
“I will, but not right away, I don’t think.” Scully puts his arms around her. “I’m...sorry that I left you.”
He puckers up his lips to kiss her. “Oh, Scully. You never left my heart.”
Mulder likes to think that those nine months made him a better man. A man more in love. A better lover. A bigger doting idiot. Now, with her in his arm, he is certain that he doesn’t want to live another day without her, never again.