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Annie closed her eyes to keep the tears in, she couldn't believe they were arguing right now, she wanted to disappear.
"Annie, what's going on? Please talk to me!" Jeff pleaded for the millionth time that night.
"Nothing is going on, I told you, please, can you just drop it?" She wasn't even sure how the conversation had started. She was checking her messages and not really paying attention to what he was saying, and he just exploded.
"You were the one who instituted the 'No phone at the table' rule, there must be something going on for you to break it!" He was trying his best not to scream, but his anxieties were running worst case scenarios in his brain, and he was quickly losing it.
Tomorrow was the two-year anniversary of their first date, which was about four months after her coming back from D.C. Her internship was actually extended for a year and she finished school there, but after a nasty break up she decided to come home to her family. She got a job at one of Denver's biggest labs, he finally got that job at Mark's firm and they had been living together for a little over a year. Things were great, but right now the little voice in his head that always told him she was too good for him was back and louder than ever.
"It was nothing, I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention! Can we go back to dinner now?" The phone vibrated in her hand and she immediately went to check it, but it was just a random notification.
"Oh my god!" He slumped in his chair and buried his head in his hands. Annie didn't know what to do, so she started pacing.
"God, this is not what I wanted to be doing tonight!" She started gesturing to try and take some of her frustration out, "I'm sorry okay? I'll put it away, I promise!" As she finished her sentence the phone slipped from her hand and hit Jeff square in the chest and she gasped.
"What the hell, Annie?" He was alternating looking at the phone now at his feet and at her.
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to do this, I swear!" Even if he thought she could have meant it, the sheer panic in her voice would show him she didn't.
"I believe you," he said, getting up from his chair, "I just need to be alone for a while." He got into his study and closed the door.
His brain was in overdrive. He trusted Annie, and since they officially got together he rarely felt his college days insecurities coming back. Of course he had new ones, but his therapist had said that that was normal, and as long as they could work through them together he would be fine. But Annie had been acting suspiciously for a while now, and she was usually very open and honest with him. What could she possibly be hiding that was so bad? Had she met someone better? Was she planning on moving somewhere without him? There was not one good thing he could think that would make her act this way!
Meanwhile Annie was breaking down in the bathroom. She decided to take a shower to calm down, taking her time washing her hair, like her mom used to do when she was a little girl, before the divorce. It wasn't the same, but it would have to do.
She got out of the shower and started brushing her hair in front of the mirror. Her eyes started wandering through his side of the bathroom counter, all of his skincare and hair products so neatly organized. She remembered when Britta told her he kept his toiletries in a safe under the sink. This was one of the little ways she knew he trusted and loved her, like when she'd get home after stopping by the grocery store and he would immediately grab all the bags from her because 'she already carried them this far, it was only fair he carried them now'. They almost mattered more to her than the times he professed his feelings out loud. People could say a lot of things, but it was their actions that showed their true colors.
When she came out of the bathroom Jeff was already in bed. He seemed to be sleeping, but he could be just pretending since she knew how hard it was for him to actually fall asleep without doing his nighttime routine and she had monopolized the bathroom for the last half an hour. Either way she figured he still wanted to be alone, so she didn't bother him, and she had to sleep without his arms around her for the first time in forever.
She woke back up at around 6 a.m. Jeff was in the bathroom, probably making up for the lost skincare night, and she felt like she needed to think some more before facing him, so she put on some work out clothes and went for a run. The fresh morning air hitting her face woke her up a bit more, and she felt like she could think more clearly than last night.
When she was in D.C. she met David, a really nice young agent who got her with pretty words and empty gestures. She still had feelings for Jeff then, but when she got offered an extension for her internship she decided it was time for something new. David would always talk about how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, how he would shower her with love and affection forever, but he almost never did. He was self-indulgent, rude, and took all of his problems out on her, but still acted like the perfect boyfriend in front of other people. One day he came home and told her he couldn't do it anymore, that relationships weren't his thing and he had to go. She was heartbroken and alone, since all of her internship friends had gone back home after the summer and her other ones were mostly David's friends.
When she came back her Greendale family was waiting for her and they helped her get back on her feet. Jeff was the most helpful, and she thought it was cute how every few days or so he would get flustered and tried to make sure she knew he was doing it all as a friend and that he just wanted her to be happy. When she felt ready, she asked him out and they've been happy and steady ever since.
But she had thought she was happy and steady with David too. And sure, it wasn't the same, with Jeff she was always laughing, he was her best friend, she has never felt this much love for someone before and never felt so loved in return. She had loved him for so long now! Even when she tried not to, even when neither of them were ready for it, he gave her mind and her heart no choice but to be in love with him. But she knew how he was before them. How he never wanted to settle down, how marriage wasn't in his plans. He never did anything to make her think he wasn't in this for the long haul, but neither had her dad. Or David. People were unpredictable, and things could change at every second.
She was pulled back from her spiraling by her phone vibrating in her pocket. It was from the lab. She had been waiting for this text since she got home yesterday, it was what started the whole fight in the first place, but still all she could think was how she wished the text had been from Jeff. Suddenly all of the little things came back to her all at once. How he researched for trigger warnings for the movies they wanted to see to make sure they wouldn't upset her, the playlist he had with a mix of songs she liked and ones he thought she could enjoy for when they were in the car together and how he always kept it updated, the time her therapist asked her to make a vision board and he helped her search for pictures for it, already knowing what to cut out of the magazines without even having to ask her. He took the time to memorize her, and that was more than she could ever ask for!
She started running back home, feeling the tears streaming down her face. How could she have been so stupid? Jeff was the love of her life, and he had spent the last two years, even more, showing her how much he loved her! Even when they were mad at each other, they would always find a way to make the other laugh and know that everything was going to be fine. She needed to go back to him and show him it was going to be fine once again.
When she opened the door she could smell eggs and there were two cups of coffee on the table. That was a good sign right? Her stomach started rumbling and she remembered that she left for her run without eating anything. She started making her way towards the kitchen. She leant into the doorframe and just watched him cooking for a few seconds, basking in the view of the man she loved.
"Hey," she said after a while.
"Hey," he answered, turning off the stove and looking back at her.
"I think we should talk about last night."
"Yeah?" He started making his way towards her, taking her hands when he reached her. They were looking into each other's eyes, and somehow that eased the uncertainty into both their hearts.
"Yeah, I read you should never leave a fight unresolved."
"And where did you read that?" He asked, a small smirk making its way into his lips.
"Cos… National Review," she edited her source a bit. "Yeah, it was this in-depth research about the long term effects of holding grudges in relationships."
"I'm sure it was," he giggled. "Just wait here a second." He made his way back into his study while she waited for him in the living room, drinking some of the coffee he had left for them.
When he came out of the room he was wearing a football helmet she didn't even know he owned.
"Okay, let's talk!"
She could see his smile under the helmet and she started chortling.
"Where the hell did you get this?" She asked between fits of laughter.
"Well, I have to be prepared," he argued while taking it off, "you never know when a rogue phone will come flying in your direction. I have to protect the money maker," He gestured to his face.
"I told you it was an accident!" She gasped, "And you can laugh, but this bit messed up your hair." She got closer and messed it up even more to make her point.
He put the helmet on the table next to her and took her hand off his hair, holding both of them on his own.
"Okay, are you ready to talk?" He asked softly, not wanting to pressure her in any way.
"I am," she answered in the same tone.
They made their way into the couch and sat facing each other, their hands still intertwined. She took a deep breath.
"Stay," she simply said.
"What?" He asked, more confused than before.
"I've been loving you for quite some time, you know?" she answered back.
"Yes, and you know I have too! And I'm not going anywhere!"
"Yeah, but you may want to someday. And this day may be sooner than you think, you don't know all the variables! I may show up any day now with news you don't like and you'll figure out that you don't want to stay with me anymore, that you want back whatever you had before and just leave me!" Her voice was getting more high pitched and he could see the moisture building in her shifting eyes.
"Annie," he squeezed her hand, making her look back into his eyes, "is there something else going on?”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had to tell him sooner or later.
"I think I'm pregnant," she left out, barely above a whisper, quickly looking back at their hands, not wanting to see the look on his face.
"What? Since when?" He had no idea what he was expecting her to say, but that wasn't it.
"I realized I was late a couple of days ago. I did a few drugstore tests that came out positive, so yesterday I did a blood test at the lab. I was waiting for them to text me the results, that's why I was so stressed about my phone." A few tears escaped down her cheek and he caught them with his thumb. He took her chin and gently nudged her face so she could look him in the eye again.
"And you've been going through all of this alone because you were scared I was gonna leave?" He felt his chest tighten just thinking about all that she must have been feeling.
"You wouldn't be the first person to leave me. People have left me since as far as I can remember! Family, friends, boyfriends… We never discussed children, I know your views on relationships have changed, but I didn't know how much. I just wanted to be sure of the results. If it was a false positive I thought we could maybe delay this conversation for a while longer."
She could no longer hold back the tears. It was a relief to tell him all this, but at the same time she felt exposed. And while he was the one that made her feel comfortable while at her most vulnerable it was still terrifying.
"Are you sure of the results now?" He asked, slowly caressing her cheek.
"They texted them to me, but I still haven't looked at it. I wanted to talk to you first," she assured him
"Good," he replied calmly, "because I want you to hear what I have to say before we know for sure." He brushed a rogue strand of hair behind her ear before taking her hands on his again. She closed her eyes, just being on the same page as him already made her feel so much better.
"Okay," she took a deep breath and opened her eyes again, "go."
"What I feel about you is something I've never felt before. I thought I had felt love once, but it honestly didn't come close to this. That makes it scary, but it also makes it big, and exciting. You want to know if I want kids? Yeah! I kinda always wanted them, but I also thought I would be a crappy dad so I convinced myself I didn't. The same way I convinced myself I didn't want any relationships, romantic or platonic, because I thought it could only bring disappointment, but you and the study group made me realize I was wrong. Well, you, the study group and my very expensive therapist. But since we started dating I knew you wanted them, and I just assumed you knew that and we would talk about it when the time came, like we do about everything." He stroked the back of her fingers with his own, and his calmness about the whole situation helped her see it with the same eyes. She had no words to describe how much she loved the man in front of her.
"Well, the time has come," she noted.
"Technically the time came two days ago." He corrected her, squeezing her hands once more. "Annie, you shouldn't have gone through this alone! I would've been by your side waiting for the timer, I would have gone out and got different tests because I know you wouldn't trust just the first one, I would've held your hand while they got your blood for the lab one… You know why I got worried yesterday? I don't care that you were on your phone, I wouldn't even care if you weren't paying that much attention to me any other day. But I was trying to say something important, something that I wanted to say before today…"
"What?" She asked, confused as to what could he possibly have to say that couldn't be said on their anniversary.
"Well, I was saying how much I love you," his pulse was beginning to race, but there was no turning back now and he didn't dare to look at anything other than those beautiful blue eyes, "and that in these last almost ten years, but specially the last two, I've realized day after day how much I like hanging out with you all the time, and that I'd like to hang out you with you for my whole life." He let go of her hands to take a little box out of his pocket and she gasped.
"Oh my God, Jeff!" She didn't know whether to look at him or at the ring. It was a beautiful silver band with an amethyst in the center and one small diamond on each side, but she couldn't bear not looking at the love of her life while he held that box. "Why the hell did you think you couldn't ask this today?" Was the first thing that came out of her mouth.
"Well, I didn't want us to celebrate just for you to leave after I asked. Which is what it seems like is gonna happen since you haven't said yes," He pointed out bashfully.
"Yes! Are you kidding me? Of course yes!" She screamed while jumping towards him and holding him close, the ring and the text momentarily forgotten underneath all the love and happiness she was feeling. "I thought you said you knew me, how could you possibly doubt that I would say yes to this?" She joked, stroking his cheek lovingly.
"Well, I still have my insecurities," he acknowledged.
"And I still have mine."
"As long as we talk through them whenever they come to light, everything will be fine," he assured her, punctuating it with a kiss on her temple. "Should we look at the results?"
She nodded and took her phone out of her pocket. She looked at it for what felt like hours for Jeff, but were probably just a few seconds.
"It's positive," she finally said, looking at him with questioning eyes. When she saw his smile she repeated, "it's positive!"
He held her as tight as he possibly could, laughing, and crying, and feeling her do the same.
"It's positive!" He echoed. "Oh my god, it's positive!"
After a few minutes of tears, laughs and 'i love yous' being thrown around, they sat back, facing each other one more time.
"I guess there's just one more thing we should discuss…" he said after a while, suddenly a little more serious.
"What?" She asked, a little scared.
"Are we going to have a really short engagement, a really long one, or are you getting married to me with a baby bump?" He teased, the biggest smile either of them had ever seen on his face returning in the blink of an eye.
"I don't care!" She laughed. "As long as we both stay."