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The door to the locker room swung open as Puck walked in with his backpack slung over one arm. He had his phone in his hand looking at the games that would be in stock at the Lima game store that afternoon. Puck glanced up quickly to make sure his friend was in the locker oom before going back to his phone. As he walked toward Finn he asked,
"Hey Finn, how does the new Apocalypse game sound? The one by that gaming company we can never remember. We could probably get it pretty cheap if we get to the store right as it opens up. Maybe. I actually don't know about that, it just sounds accurate." Puck waited for Finn's response,
"Yeah dude, that sounds cool." Finn replied. To the average person, Finn's response would have sounded totally normal. At most, he might have sounded a little tired. But Puck could tell that there was something wrong. It was one of those things that developed from knowing someone so long.
In response to hearing how Finn sounded, Puck looked up from his phone and approached the boy at his locker. As Puck looked closely at Finn, he confirmed that something was definitely off. Finn practically had his entire head in his open locker and refused to make eye contact with Puck. One glance at Finn's backpack showed that he was trying to get his things from his locker but stopped in the middle of it. His things were only partially in his backpack, while some clothes were still in his locker. Yet, Finn was making no effort to finish grabbing his stuff. Finn instead gripped his locker door with one hand tightly, pressing the other against the locker next to his. He looked as though he was trying to catch his breath after running. At least that's what Puck assumed he looked like because he couldn't see Finn's face.
Puck took a step closer to Finn. He cautiously placed a hand on his shoulder, watching Finn for any response that might indicate whether that was okay. Finn leaned gently into the touch and Puck took that as a positive reaction. Puck swallowed.
"Hey man, you okay?" Puck could hear Finn take a deep breath. The pause after Puck asked his question was long enough to indicate that Finn was deciding how he should respond. Finally, Finn claimed,
"Yeah, I'm fine Puck." The quiver in his voice said it all. Puck slid his backpack off of his arm, shoving his phone in his back pocket. He then put his newly free hand on Finn's upper arm, just above his bicep, moving the hand that was on Finn's shoulder down to his back. Puck began to rub slow circles on Finn's back.
"Finn, dude, I've known you long enough to know when you aren't okay. You don't have to talk, say the word and I'll leave you alone, but I know you aren't fine." Finn didn't say anything. All that could be heard was a shaky inhale from Finn. After too many seconds went on to allow for a normally timed response Puck tried again,
"Finn? You want me to stay with you? I'm not the best with emotions but, I'm here if you want to talk about it." Finn slowly closed his locker, still keeping his head turned away from Puck and faced down. However, without the locker in the way of Puck's view, he could see the tears streaming down Finn's face. Puck removed his hand from Finn's arm and used his thumb to wipe the tears off of his face. For a second Puck realized how intimate this was. How weird this might be to some people. How some people at this school, and in Lima in general would make a big deal out of this. Regardless of the realizations, Puck continued comforting his best friend. It was his best friend after all. It didn't matter what other people might think as long as Finn felt better. Puck continued rubbing circles on Finn's back and wiping the tears off of his face, almost in rhythm with one another, until eventually Finn responded,
"I- I don't know." His voice broke off into a quiver once again and Puck gravitated toward him even more. Finn took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm probably being dramatic anyway... It's stupid. I'm sorry. Let's just go get the game." Finn's self-punishment and dismissal of his feelings caused Puck's heart to tear a little. Ever since they were kids Finn would brush off whatever he was feeling as pointless and dramatic if it was even a little bit negative. This habit broke Puck a little more each time.
"Finn.." Puck started, his voice gentle and filled with concern. "Finn, whatever it is, you aren't being dramatic. If you're hurting, you're hurting. Whatever caused it doesn't determine how upset you are allowed to be. There is no amount of upset you are allowed to be. There's no limit. You can be as upset as you need to be." As Puck trailed off, he watched his friend closely, trying to figure out what he should do next. Puck's thought process was cut short as Finn let out a small sob, close to a whimper. Puck automatically moved his hand from Finn's face and put it across his body, pulling Finn into a half-hug. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Puck gently pulled back, still touching Finn.
"If you want to talk about it. Or just be upset about it with someone instead of alone, I'm here. No judgement." Sincerity rang in Puck's voice. After hearing how hard Puck was trying to comfort him, Finn finally turned his head to look at his best friend. The concern in Puck's eyes was enough for Finn to break down. All his feelings and thoughts crashed down on him and Finn began to sob. Hot tears rushed down his face quickly even as he tried to stop them, to not to embarrass himself. Finn's attempt at restraining his crying only caused him to cry harder. The crying he tried to repress came out as strangled sobs. Finn felt embarrassed and pathetic, but he couldn't stop crying.
"Oh, Finn" Puck grabbed his friend and pulled him into a hug tightly. Finn's arms went around Puck's waist and Puck put both his hands on Finn's back. As each sob escaped Finn, Puck held him just a little tighter. Finn's face was buried in Puck's neck and he could feel the hot tears run down his shoulder. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Finn's crying calmed down and the sobbing was no more. Eventually, Puck began to move one hand in circles on Finn's back, holding him tightly with the other.
"I'm sorry" Finn's voice cracked as he apologized.
"You've got nothing to be sorry for. It's okay, Finn"
"You shouldn't have to take care of me."
"Oh, Finn" Puck moved his moving hand to the back of Finn's head, running his fingers through Finn's hair slowly. "That's my job. I'm your best friend, remember?" After some hesitation Finn said through a sniffle,
"Okay. If you say so"
"Yeah. I promise." They stayed there, silently holding each other for a while. When Finn finally spoke, he didn't move from the position they were in,
"Puck?"
"Yeah Finn?"
"You know how I've always been told that my dad was a war hero? That he was honorably discharged and he was pretty much perfect?" Finn's voice began to shake.
"Yeah?" Puck could hear the concern in his own voice but there was no use hiding it. He started moving his thumb back and forth gently on Finn's lower back. Finn relaxed slightly under Puck's touch before he continued,
"Well today my mom told me that none of that was true." Finn began. "It turns out that he actually overdosed. He was a drug addict. He didn't die honorably and he wasn't discharged that way either." Finn let the words hang in the air. They began to sink in more that he wished they would. Finn started his next sentence with his voice cracking, "I just don't know what to feel. I'm upset that my mom lied for so long. I'm upset that I haven't known the truth. I don't know what to feel about my dad. And the fact that I don't know means that maybe I am having negative feelings towards my dad, which is terrible. Drugs are difficult. I know none of it was his fault. But I can't help feeling weird about it and- and that makes me feel shitty." Finn said everything quickly like he was trying to get the words out before he changed his mind about talking. "And it also sorta feels like I'm grieving him for the first time all over again. I just- don't know." Finn's voice broke off into another strangled sob as he tried to bury his face further into Puck's neck. Puck took a minute to process everything that he had just heard. After a minute or so, Puck spoke,
"Finn... information like that can be a lot to process." Puck talked slowly being considerably gentle to prevent upsetting Finn further. "You know that your dad wasn't a bad person even though he did drugs, you said so yourself. Being confused about what to feel and needing time to process doesn't make you a bad or "shitty" person." Puck felt Finn's silent tears run down his neck and shoulder. "Look, everything you're feeling is okay, and normal. You have a right to be upset with your mom and confused about what to feel. It's all heavy. The way you deal with this is going to be different than the way that someone else might. There is no "right or "wrong" when it comes to processing things. And that's okay, man." Puck paused to make sure he hadn't messed up and made Finn feel worse. Once he determined that Finn seemed okay, he continued, " And in terms of the grief, I'm sorry you have to experience it all again. If there's anything I can do.." He trailed off. After a few moments, Puck felt Finn take a deep breath,
"It's just kinda like I lost him again, now that I know what actually happened. And- God it really sucks" Finn's voice cracked and Puck tightened his hold on him.
"I'm so sorry, man. I'm here for you okay? Through all the feelings and shit. Just let me know what you need."
"Thank you." Finn's voice sounded small but he was no longer crying loudly.
"Yeah, always, man" Puck replied. Finn said nothing but the silence wasn't awkward. Puck still ran his fingers through Finn's hair slowly and carefully. His other hand remaining on Finn's lower back. Finn's arms stayed around Puck's waist, holding him tightly, as if he was afraid Puck might let go. They stayed like that, in comfortable silence until Puck finally said,
"Hey Finn?"
"Yeah?"
"I- I love you man. Seriously. Don't forget it, okay? And I- I'll remind if you if you do. I'm here for you...for like forever. It's what a best friend does. And it's what I want to do. Okay?" Finn took a deep breath, his voice shaky as he responded,
"Puck... I- I love you too. Thank you.. for everything. I'm always here for you too okay?"
"Okay. I'll remember that."
"Good." Puck chuckled lightly at Finn's response. He stopped moving his fingers in Finn's hair and asked,
"Hey, you wanna go get ice cream or something? I'll pay."
"Yeah, that sounds great. Thanks."
"Of course dude" Puck said as they pulled apart from each other, both boys providing a small smile, "It's what a best friend is for."