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Lonely was how Dan felt when he first saw Yok with his garage gang.
He had followed Yok all the way to a building, where the latter was meeting up with his friends. Yok didn’t know about Dan’s little move to stalk him, but the officer didn’t care. Yok has done this to him multiple times now. After Yok said he’d do some training with the gang, Dan’s curiosity took over his senses and he was dying to see what they were like, like how they treated Yok and vice versa.
Dan stood by a desolated steetlamp and craned his neck to look up at the building. He wasn’t sure what they were doing, but it looked like they were taking a break from training. The four of them were huffing and puffing, chests heaving violently.
Lonely was how Dan felt when the boy with the platinum hair suddenly put Yok in a headlock.
Dan could hear Yok shriek with laughter and he started to hit the boy’s arm with his hands. He was probably screaming something along the lines of “ I tap out, I tap out!”
Lonely was how Dan felt when Yok ruffled the hair of a particularly short fellow.
The short boy recoiled and slapped Yok’s arm away, only for Yok to get even more playful as he tackled him to the brick ground. Dan could have winced, the landing looked painful.
Lonely was how Dan felt when the taller and lankier one pulled Yok off of the shorter one and began to lecture him.
Yok had his classic wide grin plastered on his face, while the taller one was just giving him very annoyed looks. The lanky boy suddenly gave in to Yok’s antics and smirked as let go of Yok’s arm.
The four of them plopped down together, backs and arms touching each other. They all opened some drinks (it appeared to be soy milk or juice boxes) and chugged away at them. The sun behind was dipping in the sky and the warm glow of sunset sunshine filtered through the buildings behind them. They looked like a picture perfect family. Although not related to blood, they loved each other very much.
Dan found his hand blanching as he was gripping onto the lamppost tightly. He let go of it gently and lowered his gaze from the roof of the building. He turned away and walked back to his car.
***
The sun was barely visible when Dan returned to the studio. The body of water outside of his window was a deep purple, with just a snippet of the sun peeking above it. He sat down at one of his messy desks and took out a blank sheet of paper from the drawer and set it down in front of him. Dan brought out the charcoal kit and placed it on his lap. He picked up a stick of charcoal and hovered it over the paper. For some reason, he wasn’t able to draw anything.
He sighed. It was one of those days. Artists block, maybe? Even though he was filled with strong emotions, he couldn’t get himself to just start drawing. He set the charcoal down and buried his hands into his hair.
He’s never felt so lonely before.
He was generally a lonesome person by choice. He didn’t like associating himself with crowds. Everynight he would traipse the cold and sorrowful streets by himself and find empty walls to paint on. He liked it that way. Dan doesn’t have many close friends. Of course, he has many acquaintances in the police force, but it’s not like they were his friends. None of them were. Because if they knew who UNAR was, they would turn against him in a heartbeat.
It felt like nobody shared Dan’s ideals, even though there were plenty of people out there speaking out against the government. Everyday at work, Dan was surrounded by officers who complied with the laws, and everyday he would hear them chatter about UNAR’s latest pieces.
“What a coward.”
“If he’s going to speak against the law, at least reveal yourself.”
“Does he really think he is accomplishing anything?”
“These silly paintings won’t change anything.”
“Just a waste of time and waste of perfectly good walls.”
Dan had to endure this and he grew numb to it. So every time he heard this, he would just nod and agree, while his heart thundered violently every time.
All of a sudden, Dan heard the door slowly creak open behind him. Dan let a gasp slip from his lips and he whirled his head around and immediately stood up from his chair.
Yok.
He can’t say he was surprised. Ever since he brought the boy back to this studio, Yok had a habit of inviting himself over without warning. It was just a routine at this point. Dan really needed to find a habit of locking his door.
“Hey, what’s with the face? It’s just me.” Yok beamed.
He closed the door behind him and tiredly fell down onto Dan’s bed like an overheated flower. Dan stared at him and then back outside of his window. The sun was gone at this point and darkness dominated the outdoors.
“What…are you doing here? It’s late.” Dan murmured quietly.
He really wasn’t in the mood to see Yok after what he saw back on the building. Nothing against Yok or anything, but Dan just wanted to be left alone with his emotions. He was afraid he would take it out on Yok.
“I wanted to see you, of course. It’s been a while.” Yok sat up from the bed and chuckled.
Dan’s heart fluttered whenever Yok would give him his famous smiles. It never failed to make him happy, no matter how down he was feeling.
“It’s only been a few days.” Dan quipped.
“Exactly.” Yok replied.
He got up from the bed and took Dan by the arm. The officer flinched as Yok led him to the bed and made them both sit down. Dan batted his eyes in confusion and Yok tipped his head to one side and gazed into his eyes.
“So. What’s wrong?” Yok asked.
The way he asked was very straightforward and concerned, which surprised Dan a bit. How did he even know Dan wasn’t feeling well?
“What do you mean? Everything’s fine.” Dan exclaimed, and he could have slapped himself for how guilty and defensive he sounded.
Yok curled his bottom lip, looking unimpressed.
“We both know that’s not true.” Yok took Dan’s hands into his own and the graffitist could feel his face starting to flush.
“I saw you, you know.” Yok huffed softly. “You followed me. You watched me train with Sean and the others.”
Dan’s face must have contorted into a look of pure embarrassment and shame, because Yok let out a little giggle and smiled again.
“You really aren’t good at hiding yourself around me, you know that?” Yok hummed. “So, now that we have that out of the way, you want to tell me why you had that anguished look on your face?”
Dan ripped his gaze away from Yok and diverted it to the mattress. “Anguished look”, that was probably a stretch. He would like to say something along the lines of
I’m fine Yok, I don’t want to talk about it,
But ever since the nude drawing incident, Yok was determined to understand and console Dan’s feelings whenever something was up. Dan was forced to open his heart for Yok again. He looked back up at Yok’s gaze and let himself be captured by his entrancing stare.
“It’s…I don’t know. You seem so close with your gang. You all share the same purpose and values, and together you are trying to reform the country.” Dan was getting nervous, he was beginning to sound like a selfish jerk.
“Don’t get me wrong!” Dan backtracked, shaking his head. “That’s great. We need to work together if we want change to be imminent…”
Dan could feel Yok’s thumbs caressing his palms, calming him down a bit.
“I just wish I had people like that around me. I feel so alone. Even when I’m surrounded by my colleagues at work, it’s terribly lonely. They don’t understand. They hate what we do. I wish they would understand. Why can’t they see that the laws are so flawed and ugly? Can cops really not bring good change for Thailand?”
Dan didn’t want to cry again, but he was on the verge. All of his emotions were spilling out again. Dan’s identity and his job…everything was just so confusing. Yok gave him a faint smile and pressed his hand to his cheek.
“I understand. You’re feeling overwhelmed.” Yok soothed gently. “But you don’t need to be. I’m right here, Phi. I’ll always be with you, you hear? And hey, one day when you’re ready I’ll introduce you to the others.”
Dan sniffled and nodded, placing his hand onto Yok’s which was still resting on his cheek.
“I know.” Dan murmured.
Yok smiled.
“Officer, you are an emotional thing, you know that?”
Dan couldn’t help but scoff as he took Yok’s hand off of his face but into his own.
“Oh please. You see my cry once and you think that gives you the right to tease me?”
Yok straightened his posture and raised his chin like a proud child showing off their scribbled drawing to their mother.
“Of course! My presence made the famous UNAR cry…twice!”
Dan couldn’t contain his laughter and he sincerely looked back at Yok.
“Mmhm. But thank you…Yok. You…you’ve really been helping me out these days. I…I’m so lucky to have you with me.”
Yok looked like could have melted into the bed sheets right then and there. His mouth opened and a toothy smile appeared on his face. His dark eyes shimmered, and he’s never looked more smitten before until now.
“I can say the same about you.”
Dan found himself leaning in like a moth drawn to a flame. Another type of emotion was exploding in his system as he got his face closer and closer to Yok’s. He got so close to Yok’s face but froze as his brain began to glitch. What was he doing? Yok smirked gently and put his hand at the back of Dan’s head. He pulled Dan’s face towards his and pressed his lips against Dan’s. The officer closed his eyes. Bliss was the next emotion that took over Dan. Yok’s lips were so warm and inviting. It felt like somebody threw a fluffy blanket around him, making him feel all kinds of warm and fuzzy. They both pulled their heads back when they were out of air.
Yok wasn’t going home tonight.
***
The next morning, Dan slowly opened his eyes to see Yok already dressed. He had a little croissant in his mouth that he must’ve stolen from Dan’s cupboard. The grogginess Dan was feeling quickly vanished, just by the sight of the awake and youthful Yok.
“Hey…up already?” Dan croaked before clearing his throat.
Yok nodded, taking the croissant out of his mouth and bounded over to Dan.
“Yep, I have a morning class.”
He reached out and parted Dan’s bedraggled hair, which was still messy from last night.
“Don’t worry, I’ll see you soon.” He added before stepping away and slinging his bag over his shoulders.
Dan scoffed,
“I’m not worried about that at all.”
Yok was at his door now and he beamed, the creases in his cheek deepening.
“Good! You shouldn’t be. I’ll always find you ~”
…
…
And so, lonely was how Dan felt as he watched Yok walk out the door.