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Here’s the thing: Arthur Kingsmen was pretty sure he wasn’t in love with his friends.
Like, 90% sure.
Sometimes when he was with them, he was sure that this is what love must feel like. The way his heart lit up with joy when he saw them, the feeling of safety and comfort of being around them. He loved the way Lewis never hesitated to wrap him in a hug or pull him closer to cuddle on the couch, and the way Vivi would drape herself over him at any opportunity or would reach up to kiss him on the cheek at random times. He can’t imagine loving anyone more than this - if this wasn’t love, what was?
But other times, he watched them with an acute awareness that they had something he didn’t understand - didn’t necessarily want to understand. When they would spend an evening wrapped up in each other, whispering and giggling, when their kisses turned from chaste pecks to something deeper and hungrier, when they spent the day flirting ostentatiously - well, he was more than happy to clear out and leave them to it.
And if he was in love with them, he should have been jealous, right? He’s pretty sure that’s how it was supposed to work. But it didn’t bother him, any more than it bothered him when Vivi dragged Lewis out to see the latest horror movie Arthur wasn’t interested in, or when Lewis took Vivi out to the fancy restaurants that Arthur didn’t like dressing up for. It was just something they had in common that Arthur didn’t, and it didn’t bother him any more than that.
No, the problem wasn’t that he wanted more than he had. He was perfectly content with their relationship as it was. The problem was that it was rapidly approaching the end.
“Oh, so hey!” Vivi said brightly, in her ‘I’ve been waiting to bring this up all day but I’m trying to make it seem like it just spontaneously occurred to me’ voice. Arthur tensed up instinctively. Damnit, he knew there was an ulterior motive to Vivi treating him to lunch out of the blue, but the siren call of pizza had been too strong to ignore. “So listen, Lewis and I have been talking, and . . . we were thinking about maybe moving?”
“Oh, yeah?” Arthur said casually, as though his world hadn’t just come crashing down around him. He wasn’t stupid, he’d known this was coming. But he’d thought they’d have more time and god , he still wasn’t prepared for how much it hurt to hear.
Vivi looked uncharacteristically nervous, hands twisting beneath the table. “Well, nothing for certain,” she said. “Just - just talking! We were just thinking . . . maybe it’s time? But we wanted to talk to you first, of course, obviously we aren’t gonna just spring this on you, and we haven’t started looking or anything, and - it’s really up to you, I guess? I mean - if you’re okay with the idea?”
Arthur pasted on a smile, hoping to reassure her. “Y-yeah, I mean, that makes sense,” he said, amazed at how steady his voice was. “It’s kind of - kind of cramped at our place, y’know, and probably more space would be better for all of us, especially you two, and I guess now that the financials have evened out a bit it makes sense to start thinking about stuff like that and -” he cut himself off before he could embarrass himself with further rambling. “Yeah,” he finished lamely. “That makes sense.”
Vivi looked hugely relieved for just a moment before her face split into a wide grin. “Awesome!” she said. “That’s - I can’t wait to tell Lewis, he’ll be so excited! I think he’s already started looking, to be honest, but of course you’ll have to help - we’ll have to get the lease stuff straightened out but we’ll have some time before it comes to that -”
Arthur let her ramble on, her words fading into the background as he started to process what was happening. Moving. Vivi and Lewis were moving out. Of course they were, he’d always known that they would. That’s what couples did, right? Settle down together, get a nice house with a picket fence, have 2.5 kids and a dog and all that jazz. And okay, sure, Vivi was never really the ‘white picket fence’ type and Lewis was now a ghost, so it’s not like they were the most traditional couple, but still. Nobody needs a third wheel in their relationship. They definitely didn’t need Arthur’s neurotic, clingy ass hanging around. No, this was the natural next step, and one that he’d been expecting, if not quite so soon.
It’s not like they’d stop being friends, he told himself. They’d still hang out. He could still visit them at work. God knows Vivi would be dragging them both on ghost hunts for as long as she was physically capable.
But -
It wouldn’t be coming home every night to a warm house of laughter and friends. It wouldn’t be spending every evening together, eating and talking and playing games and just enjoying each other’s presence. It wouldn’t be Lewis physically dragging Arthur to bed when he caught him up working at 2 am, or wrapping him in a bear hug until he couldn’t breathe because “you looked like you needed one”. It wouldn’t be Vivi bursting into his room to tell him all about the latest research she’d been doing, or curling up next to him and refusing to let go when she had a bad day.
And it was selfish, it was so fucking selfish of him, because Lewis and Vivi would still have those things. They’d always have each other, they wouldn’t miss him. Not like that. But he can see the looming empty spot in his future after they’ve moved on and he should be happy for them - he is happy for them - but once they leave him, what will he have left? His workshop, his hamster, and a lifetime of coming home every night to a cold and empty house while everyone around him moved on.
Arthur snapped back to reality as Vivi finished her tangent, smiling reflexively as she looked at him curiously. “Ah - yeah,” he said, not having taken in a word of what she’d said. If she noticed anything wrong she didn’t show it, merely launching into a story about an annoying customer she’d had the other day. Arthur shook his head and tried to pay attention this time - may as well make the most of the time he had left, he supposed. He pushed the rest of his meal away though. Somehow, it just tasted like ashes now.
* * *
It didn’t come up again for a few weeks after that, and Arthur spent every minute of those weeks more acutely aware than ever of how much he was going to miss this.
He would miss the way Vivi would come home from work and simply flop down over where he lay on the sofa, latching on like an octopus and refusing to move despite his laughing protests. The way she would bring home stacks of occult books, chattering excitedly about their origins and what they might contain, and the way Arthur would sit and help her pore through them, looking for clues and connections. The times she would slip into his room at midnight just to curl up in the corner while he sketched or worked on a project, because she’d had a nightmare and knew he would be up.
He’d miss the way Lewis, in the exact manner of his parents, fussed over Arthur not eating enough, pressing second helpings and leftovers on him. The way Lewis would hang out in his workshop on his days off, watching him tinker and asking questions even though he knew he wouldn’t understand the answers. The times Arthur would stay up until the early hours of the morning playing video games with him, because he knew Lewis hated being alone at night.
It all felt so perfectly normal and right. But every time he caught himself grinning and laughing with Lewis, or feeling the quiet glow of contentment while he sat with Vivi, a sudden pang shot through his heart and he remembered: they were leaving. They were leaving, and this was going to be over. Half of him was tempted to lock himself in his room until they left; anything to stop this constant torment. The other half was even more desperate to spend every last second he had with them, to cling tight and not let go.
For two weeks he was torn, until one morning he slunk into the kitchen on one of the extremely rare occasions that all three of their days off coincided to find Lewis and Vivi already sitting at the table, poring over something on Lewis’s tablet.
“Arthur!” Lewis said cheerfully. Arthur glowered back. Lewis always had been a disgustingly enthusiastic morning person and being dead had somehow made it worse. “Hey, come look at this house and tell me what you think.”
Arthur grimaced, pouring himself a cup of coffee. It was too early for this. He didn’t understand how Lewis and Vivi were already up, let alone house-hunting at this ungodly hour, and he said as much.
“Arthur, it’s ten am. How late were you up last night?”
“Sooo, found a house, huh?” he said quickly, sliding into the chair next to Lewis and leaning over to peer at the tablet in front of him. Lewis shot him a look but fortunately decided not to press the issue. “Looks nice, I guess.”
“You ‘guess’?” Vivi slid over to look over his shoulder, poking him in the side as she did so. “Come on, Arthur, this is gonna be our house! It’s a big deal! You have to give us your real opinion!” She poked him in the side again until he slapped her hand away, forcing a laugh.
“What, I said it’s a nice house!” he said. “It’s not like my opinion is the important one here!”
Vivi pulled back, suddenly serious. “Hey, none of that,” she said. “I mean it, you have to give us your real opinion, not what you think we want to hear. It’s your house too you know, your opinion is just as important.”
It felt like everything stopped for just a second, between Arthur hearing the words and actually processing them. “My - my house too?”
The air in the kitchen went strangely still and he was suddenly, intensely aware of two pairs of eyes focused on him. “Well, yeah,” Vivi said, looking worried. “I mean - you said you were okay with moving, right?”
“You - want me to move?” Arthur said, dumbfounded. “W-with you?”
“What - of course you’re coming with us!” Vivi said. Her face suddenly dropped. “Unless - you don’t - do you not want to?”
Arthur’s heart leapt , the rush of absolute relief making him almost lightheaded. He opened his mouth to say yes, of course, don’t leave me -
And froze.
He wanted this, he wanted this so badly. But it was only going to put off the inevitable. Most of him didn’t care. He’d take it, he’d take whatever time he could get. Anything to stave off the lonely existence waiting for him on the other side. But then again . . . if it hurt this badly now, how much more would it hurt in a year? In five? Was it better to end it now, on his terms, than to spend the rest of their time together always waiting for them to finally get tired of him?
“Arthur?” Vivi asked tentatively, and he realized he hadn’t answered her.
“I -” he said, and his throat closed up. Vivi’s face fell.
“You - you aren’t coming?” she asked. “I mean - you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she mumbled, dropping her eyes to the table. “I just - I thought -”
“No, it’s not that,” Arthur blurted out. “I just - I thought you two were moving out to be, y’know . . . together?”
Lewis stared at him worriedly. “Um . . . we are together,” he said gently, as though explaining that water is wet. Arthur rolled his eyes.
“No, obviously. I mean like . . . together as a couple. Without - without a third wheel,” he said. It was his turn to fix his gaze on the table now, not daring to look up at their response. “I mean . . . it has to happen sometime, right? You’re not just gonna keep me hanging around forever. So I thought . . .”
Vivi made a noise somewhere between outrage and disappointment, but it was Lewis who spoke next, distress obvious in his voice. “Arthur, you’re not a third wheel. You’re a member of our team. You’re our family . Where did you get an idea like that?”
“I mean yeah, I’m a member of the Mystery Skulls. But you two are . . . you know, together. Eventually you’re gonna need your own space. I mean, how long are you gonna want your grown-ass adult roommate hanging around while you two are trying to, y’know. Be a couple and settle down and shit.” He tried to grin as he said the last part, make it a joke, but the pressure was building in his throat and he didn’t think he succeeded.
“Arthur, I don’t think either one of us even considered that you might not come with us,” Lewis said in bewilderment. He sounded genuinely shocked, like the idea had never even occurred to him. “Unless - unless you really don’t want to. But if you’re holding back on our account - please don’t. We want you with us.”
“Arthur, you’re not just our roommate,” Vivi said. “You’re our best friend, we love you. Of course we want you around, we will always want you around. You’re not a - a third wheel, or a hanger-on, or whatever you seem to think, you’re a part of this family. An integral part. It wouldn’t feel right without you, I don’t want to move without you!” She huffed in frustration, trying to gather her thoughts. “Look, I know you’re not - I’m not asking you to date us or anything -”
“You’re kind of asking him to date us,” Lewis murmured.
“I’m asking him to stay!” Vivi snapped. Her face immediately softened into a look of vulnerability Arthur didn’t think he’d ever seen on her before. “If - if you want to. If you don’t, just say so, and we’ll drop the subject permanently. But . . . I just want you to know. It is your choice. And if you do want to stay . . . please do.”
It was hard, forcing the words past the lump in his throat, but he managed. “Yeah,” he said, too far gone to be embarrassed by his voice cracking. “Yeah. I - I do. I really, really do.”
Vivi stared at him for a second, eyes filling with tears, before hurling herself into his arms and burying her face in his shoulder. He clung back to her, tears filling his own eyes as he heard Lewis’s fervent “Oh thank God” from behind them before his arms descended to wrap around both of them.
Arthur Kingsmen wasn’t in love with his friends. But he loved them, more fiercely and powerfully than he had words to describe. And right here, with his friends, his family, wrapped around him, he knew without a doubt that he wouldn’t change a single thing.