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‘I think I’m in love with Lily,’ James Potter bursted through the dormitory door dramatically.
‘You don’t say,’ a bored Sirius Black not even bothering to turn around to look at his stressed friend.
Truth was, the whole dorm was used to hearing all about how Lily had almost smiled at James once a month or how she turned her head and looked near him ever since they were 11.
James’s only problem was that Lily Evans thought him asking her out was a complete joke and he could never figure out why. Sure, James was loud and arrogant and tried to make Lily laugh but it didn’t mean he didn’t like her. He was smitten and all his friends knew it. James made a complete fool of himself when he got close to Lily which added to why she thought the whole thing was a joke.
What also didn’t help was that James and his friends were known for being pranksters around the school. Lily thought this was very immature of them all but even that would never stop James from pulling jokes with his friends.
Ever since first year, James had eyes for only one girl and it hadn’t changed since. One time, Sirius stole James’ diary and read it out in front of the whole common room and made Lily cry. He was laughing at what James had written but Lily thought he had been laughing at her.
Ever since then, James had never written another diary entry but instead gave Sirius, Remus and Peter constant talks about his love for Lily Evans.
‘Trust me Sirius, she’ll come around eventually,’ James constantly reassured Sirius in the fact that they were definitely going to get together.
Sirius always pretended to look convinced but he didn’t know how he was so sure the two of them were soulmates so he just left that part of James alone to figure it out himself.
‘What makes you think your in love with Lily, this time then?’ Sirius asked finally turning around from the desk he was at and facing his best friend.
James still had the hint of a blush on his face and was smiling like a kid on Christmas.
‘Well, now we are head boy and girl we have to do rounds and specific duties, obviously, and, I don’t know I just feel like I connected to her more as we talked today,’ James was still smiling, barely even paying attention to Sirius.
‘What did you talk about, then?’
‘I don’t even know, just… life, I guess.’
‘Wow, the James Potter at a loss for words, you really are in love!’ Sirius laughed softly.
‘Sirius, don’t mess with me right now I have to keep my model student face on if I want a chance at being with her!’
‘Alright, mate what romantic thing have you got planned this time to get with her?’
‘Well, I don’t know yet I kid of just want to keep talking to her, I wish she would talk more about herself, though. I just wanna know more things about her. I could listen to her talk for hours, Padfoot,’ James wistfully said.
‘Merlin, you would even listen to her? That’s a first! Jokes aside, James did you let her speak, sometimes, well… no-offence but you do talk a lot and it is usually about yourself,’ Sirius cautiously said.
James was known for not being a quiet person. He was always fidgeting and had to fill any silence there ever was. Sirius had to remind him a lot in class to concentrate as he knew how much James cared about his grades. He was a very smart kid despite struggling to concentrate.
‘Sirius I don’t think you understand, I’d do anything for her.’
— — — —
‘Ugh James is such a dickhead,’ Lily barged into her dorm room clearly annoyed.
‘What was it this time?’ Alice Fortescue was lying on her bed ready to hear the daily addition to the growing list of why James Potter was in fact a dickhead.
‘We were doing rounds like we have to because we’re head boy and gir-’
‘We know, Lils, you tell us everyday,’ Mary Macdonald chuckled from the other side of the room.
Rolling her eyes, Lily continues, ‘He talked about himself the entire time, I thought this year he was different but he clearly isn’t!’
‘Well, did you try and say anything about yourself or did you get too afraid to say anything like you always do?’ Alice raises her eyebrows but smiles, knowing exactly how her friend would’ve acted in that situation. ‘Lily, listen to me. That boy is in love with you! If you talked about yourself to him once in a while I think he’d be over the moon to listen to you.’
‘I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again - James Potter is not in love with me! But I guess I could talk about me… what do I even say, though? It’s not like I’m very interesting!’ She laughs sitting down next to Alice on her bed.
‘Just talk about likes, dislikes, keep it simple at first. Do what I do,’ Mary winks.
‘What like that time you poured your drink all over your date!’ Marlene chimes in, walking through the door coming back from Quidditch practice.
‘Marls, you said you wouldn’t tell anyone about that!’ Mary whines hiding her face in shame as the other three girls laugh.
Lily had not been very good at making friends when she was younger. She was awkward and had no confidence from the relentless teasing from the boys that would make her feel like an absolute joke. This added to the problem of her being bad at making friends, she was so sure that everyone disliked her so she was always surprised when other kids would talk to her and she got scared that if she said something wrong they would dislike her for that instead.
For a while, she limited the socialising she did with the people she shared a dorm with at Hogwarts. However, after a few weeks of warming up to them, she had made her best friends for life and she couldn’t imagine what she would do without them.
She still got teased, the teasing never stopped but it waas easier to cope when you had people by your side who you could trust with your life.
‘Right, when are your next head duties?’ Mary faces Lily very seriously.
‘Um… tomorrow, I think…’
‘Great! Make yourself look really nice tomorrow (not that you don’t always look nice) but put the extra effor-’
‘Mary, no, she should be herself that’s why James is in love with her-’
‘Guys! James isn’t in love with me!’ Lily cuts Alice off, frustrated.
When Lily was younger part of the teasing was the boys would dare each other to ask out Lily as a joke. One of those times, Lily fell for it and said yes but then the boy never talked to her again and she realised she was just a joke.
Lily had always been bigger than her friends and was always compared to them and it destroyed her confidence. She had learnt to act like it didn’t bother her but she couldn’t help looking at her body sometimes and wishing she looked like the skinny girls in the magazines.
‘One day, Lils, you’ll realise we were all right.’
— — — —
‘We’ve been back one week, James has usually attempted to ask you out by now,’ Remus Lupin commented as him and Lily were studying in the library.
Remus had always been the closest to Lily out of the boys. During their first year, they were both tremendously awkward and quiet but this came in their favour when it came to their friendship. They were both people who needed quiet every once in a while. They weren’t like James who could keep talking and talking and couldn’t stand silences.
‘Remus, I hear enough of this in my dorm, don’t you get involved too!’ Lily laughed, secretly wishing Remus hadn’t mentioned James.
‘Sorry, I just thought it was interesting!’ Remus chuckled holding his hands up.
‘Okay then Remus, what about you and Sirius?’ Lily asked smiling.
A small smirk creeped onto his face and he blushed, ducking his head.
‘Aha, I knew it! Spill.’
‘Well, we sort of became official in the Summer but don’t say anything, he’s not ready for people to know he’s gay yet.’
Remus had confided to Lily in fifth year his crush on Sirius but he was sure Sirius was straight which hurt him for a long time until sixth year when the two started flirting back and forth. Lily had also been the one to help Remus come to terms with his sexuality in third year when he got his first crush on a boy a few years older than him.
Lily had told Remus about the struggles with her relationship with her sister in second year and since then the two told each other everything. They were each other’s safety when their own friend groups got too much for them. Most people at first had assumed they were together but Lily and Remus knew there would never be a romantic connection between them.
‘Remus, look at you, you’re blushing. I’m so happy for you, you look so happy!’ Lily smiled brightly at the boy. Remus held a special place in her heart, he always understood her feelings.
‘Shut up, Evans. But yes, I am happy. It’s a bit difficult knowing we have to hide it but it’s more than 5th year me thought I would have.’
‘That’s true, are you sure you’re okay about the hiding thing, though? I know you’re a private person but is hiding your relationship from the others hard?’
‘It isn’t hard now but…’
‘But what?
‘But what if he’s never ready to share it? He’s so scared of what people will think of him and I really hate the idea of having to hide who I’m in love with my whole life. I don’t know, maybe it’s selfish, I think all the things he was taught by his family when he was younger are still engraved into his mind.’ Remus sighed.
‘I think communication is very important here, if you’re not happy with something in your relationship, you need to talk about it before it spirals out of hand. Talk about when he would be ready to tell, I don’t know, James for example, and go from there.’
‘That’s a good idea, thanks Lily.’ Remus smiled at Lily.
Lily smiled back at Remus before going back to her studying. Although, she wished she could be someone’s Sirius. Remus cared so much about him that he wanted to share it with people and Remus was usually not that type of person to share things around.
She couldn’t help but feel incredibly lonely sometimes, not one single person had ever liked her in that way. She’d once overheard a conversation ranking all the girls in their class and she was placed right at the bottom. The rest of her friends had been put near the top, of course.
Lily loved her friends but at that moment she couldn’t help but feel so jealous of them. She wanted so badly to be considered pretty by someone. Sometimes Lily would look in the mirror when she was younger to try and find something pretty about her. She liked the way her green eyes looked with her red hair. She liked the way her freckles dotted about her nose. In fact, Lily coud confidently say that her face was pretty.
It was just her body that let her down. No one had ever taught her to love that part of herself. When she was younger, the people in her family were always trying to lose weight. It made her feel less about herself. Skinny equals beautiful. That’s what she heard. Nothing about loving yourself for who you are.
— — — —
James actually started to feel nervous with the amount of pressure Sirius was putting on him about doing some rounds.
He was instructing how every conversation would go, and every body movement and probably would end up putting the Imperius Curse on him.
Before he left, Remus, who knew Lily better than anyone, pulled James aside and told him to ignore everything Sirius had just said and just be himself but give Lily opportunities to speak.
This regained him some confidence but he couldn’t help but be made nervous by this sudden pressure.
James met Lily by the stairs and they started doing their usual rounds and they started talking.
‘So, Evans, what have you been up to today?’
Lily looked surprised to be asked this directly but answered nonetheless, ‘The usual, classes, library, studying. What about you?’
‘Pretty much the same. I did prank Snape, though!’ James excitedly launching into a long story about the joke he had pulled on Snape. He realised after a while he was talking too much again and decided to take Remus’ advice and let Lily talk.
James couldn’t help talking a lot it was something he was just good at. He loved talking, he didn’t see the point in silence. ‘Enough about me, tell me something interesting, Evans.’
‘What do you wanna know? I’m an open book.’
‘Where did you grow up?’
‘Well, my family are muggles,’ she looked up quickly to see his reaction. Some people at Hogwarts could be nasty about blood status and Lily had heard herself be described as ‘mudblood’ many times. James didn’t seem fazed at all so she carried on. ‘I grew up in a town called Cokeworth, it’s in the Midlands of Engalnd. Snape lived there too, it’s how I met him. Although we both know how that one turned out,’ They both grimaced and laughed.
Lily realised it was a nice feeling to laugh with him.
‘Snape was actually the one who made me realise I was a witch but I thought he was lying at first. When my sister saw us together she grew jealous very quickly. She’s older than me and so me outshining her by being a witch bothered her a lot. Bothers her still. Our relationship isn’t the best,’ Lily admitted. She didn’t know why she felt so comfortable talking about her sister with him but she just did. He made her feel safe, strangely enough.
‘Why do you think she got so jealous?’
‘I think she was insecure, to be honest. She needed a lot of extra help in school and when she saw me doing really well at Hogwarts, this may sound weird, but I think she envied me. She hated all the magic, of course, but our family found it amazing that I was a witch. I felt bad for her at first and I always made sure to give her attention and be nice to her. She’s my older sister I was meant to be envious of her.’
‘You say at first, did something change?’
‘I found out that at school she pretended she didn’t have a sister. I have enough self-respect to know that I shouldn’t be nice to someone who pretended I don’t exist.’
‘I’m sorry, I never knew that.’
‘It’s okay, it’s not your fault.’ And it was okay. Lily felt sad when her sister first cut her off but she found her being gone meant less negativity in her life.
‘What about muggle school? I’ve spoken to enough muggle-borns to know that you’d usually attend another school before coming here.’
‘Yes, I did go to muggle school. We call the first part of school from ages 4-11 primary school,’ Lily looked at him for confirmation that he understood and James nodded in understanding. ‘I didn’t really enjoy muggle school, I wasn’t very liked.’
‘They must have been some picky people if they didn’t like your company, Evans!’ James laughed, he was genuinely surprised that Lily wasn’t liked, he couldn’t understand why.
‘I guess so, they weren’t very nice but I guess it was just kids being kids. They didn’t like the way I looked. I had friends but I always felt like the odd one out,’ Lily couldn’t believe she was admitting all this to James but she was in too deep, now.
‘Kids being kids? I don’t know any kids that act like that. Merlin, muggles must be cruel!’
Lily couldn’t help but laugh at that, James was actually quite funny when he wasn’t trying to impress anyone.
‘Not all muggles are cruel, atleast they don’t make fun of you for what blood you have. Can you imagine muggle kids running around judging you based on whether you were blood type O or A?’ Lily laughed even more.
‘Okay, fair enough the whole blood-status thing we have is pretty weird. Especially as they aren’t even talking about real blood. Has anyone actually said anything about you being muggle-born before?’ James asked with genuine curiosity.
‘Yeah but it doesn’t bother me that much. It didn’t matter when I was in the muggle world why would it matter now? It used to bother me a lot more when I was younger, though. Believe it or not Snape was actually the one who used to bother me most about it, which is strange coming from him seeing as he is only half-blood. In second year he made me cry when he called me a mudblood, if it was from anyone else I wouldn’t have cared but coming from Snape it felt as though I was being stabbed. He was my oldest friend and he was calling me names like that!’ Lily rolled her eyes at the memory, she certainly did not miss having Snape as a friend.
She eventually cut off Snape as a friend in fifth year as he called her a mudblood once again and was also planning to join the Death Eaters. A prejudice group that went against everything that Lily was.
‘I never told you this but I actually went after Snape after he called you a mudblood in second year…’ James bashfully admitted.
‘You did? What did you do?’ Lily laughs in shock.
‘I, uh, hexed him with an instant scalping hex,’ he nervously laughed.
Lily burst out into a fit of laughter as James guiltily chuckled beside her, ‘Him and his precious hair I bet he was distraught!’
‘He cried and Madam Pomfrey had to give him a hair growth potion to calm him down. I will never forget the sight of him being balded like that, I had to try very hard not to laugh when McGonogall gave me my punishment but I swear on Godric Gryffindor I saw her lips twitching.’
‘I’m not surprised, he’s not the friendliest bloke is he? Wanting to join those bloody Death Eaters!’
‘Enough about Snape, one more image of his greasy hair in my head and I will throw up!’ She laughed struggling to contain herself. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time she laughed this much.
After containing their laughter, they walked in a pleasant silence, finishing their rounds with genuine smiles on their faces.
James couldn’t keep the silence going for long as the question he had been burning to ask slipped off of his tongue.
‘Are you going with anyone to Hogsmeade this weekend?’
‘I’m not, why?’
‘Well, would you want to go together?’
‘As a date?’
‘Yeah!’
Lily looked puzzled on what to do. She couldn’t help but still wonder if it was some sick joke and Sirius was going to come round the corner and alugh about how good their prank went.
‘Why?’ She asked, wanting some sort of confirmation that this was definitely not a joke.
‘Evans, haven’t you caught on the fact that I have a massive crush on you?’
‘I don’t understand why.’
‘Why? You’re the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met.’ He scoffed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Lily wanted so badly to believe him. But she was so afraid of getting hurt.
‘But everytime you ask me out there’s Sirius laughing in the background as if you’re joking.’
‘He laughs because he’s Sirius. You really think I’d joke about loving you for the past seven years? If it was just a stupid joke there was no way I’d be able to do it for seven years but I do like you, Evans. I like you a lot and if it takes another seven years for you to believe it then so be it.’
She smiled at him and decided.
‘I’d love to go with you, Potter.’
— — — —
James walked into his dormitory triumphantly and Sirius, Remus and Peter could not believe that he had actually done it after seven years.
‘Guess who’s got a date for Hogsmeade!’ James pointed at himself in triumph.
‘Who is it, Peter?’ Remus deadpanned sarcastically.
‘I wouldn’t date him!’ Peter laughs.
‘Lily Evans actually agreed to go to Hogsmeade I feel like I could kiss someone!’
‘Hopefully, it’ll be her seeing as she is your date.’ Sirius scoffs.
‘Yeah, I don’t feel like being snogged by a blind man right now,’ Peter sarcastically comments.
James chucks a pillow at him with half effort, only focusing on how he could make the date romantic for Saturday. He had to make it perfect.
— — — —
Lily, walked into her room, nervous for her friend’s reactions on the fact that she was going on a date with James Potter.
Alice was the first person to sense something was different. ‘Lils, what happened, you’re freaking me out that you’re not complaining about him… did you kiss him in a bush?’
‘Or did you do more than kiss,’ Mary winked.
‘Seriously, Lily what is up you’re never usually happy after your rounds with, Potter!’ Marlene exclaimed.
‘Well, he might’ve asked me to Hogsmeade…’ Lily bashfully admitted.
All three girls squealed excitedly.
‘Lils, oh Merlin! What are you going to wear?’
‘How did he ask you?
‘Did you even say yes?’
‘Of course I said yes!’ Lily rolled her eyes chuckling, ‘He asked if I was going to Hogsmeade with anyone, then he asked if I wanted to go with him.’
‘Did he ask you straight away or did you talk at first?’
‘Well, for once, I actually talked a lot about myself, I hope I wasn’t boring him and he just seemed to understand. He never once made me feel stupid for anything. He is also very funny when he’s not trying to impress his friends.’ Lily blushed at the thought.
‘Aww, you’re so smitten for him! I’m telling you, Lily, as soon as bosy mature a bit (which takes longer than girls) they’re actually not too bad!’ Mary smiles.
Mary had a lot more experienced with boys than the rest of the girls and she acted a lot older than she was which didn’t bother them at all. It actually meant they had someone to go to for boy advice. Except Marlene who needed no advice at all and was dating Dorcas Meadows, another girl in their year.
‘I guess you were right, Mary. Atleast I hope you’re right. And I need all of you to give me help for Saturday.’
— — — —
‘I must say you look very pretty today, Lily,’ James awed at Lily as they made their way to Hogsmeade.
‘Are we on a first name basis now, Potter?’
‘Well, seeing as we are on a date it didn’t feel right to call you Evans.’
‘I’ll keep that in mind, James,’ Lily smirked up at him. ‘What are we actually going to do in Hogsmeade do you have anywhere you need to go?’
‘Actually I have it all planned out,’ he smugly smiled.
‘Okay… do I get to know what we’re doing?’
‘Nope!’ He replied popping the ‘p’ sound. ‘But you’ll find out soon.’
They talked about random things on their way to Hogsmeade but they both still found themselves doubling over in laughter.
James loved the way laughter looked on Lily’s face and he loved being the one to cause it. In fact it sent him butterflies whenever Lily merely smiled.
‘So what’s first then, James?’ Lily asked him when they arrived at Hogsmeade after what felt like no time at all.
‘Madam Puddifoot’s of course,’ James smugly smiled as he knew the reputation that place had.
‘Oh my,’ Lily spluttered into laughter once more, ‘James, you are so cliche!’
They both walked to the tea shop all the same, despite the fact that the whole school would know they were on a date as soon as they entered the place.
They sat down at a table in the corner and ordered.
‘This place is kind of cosy,’ James muttered looking around.
‘Yeah it is, thank you for bringing me here, James.’ She smiled at him.
‘You’re welcome. But tell me something, Lily, anything. I could listen to you speak for hours.’
‘Well… I paint a lot. Water colours mostly.’
‘What do you paint?’
‘Many things but I like painting nature mostly. And the night sky! I love astronomy I find it fascinating.’
‘Tell me about it.’
‘Do you know zodiac signs? Each sign is actually a constellation. My favourite is Sagittarius but I am actually an Aquarius.’
‘I know nothing about star signs, tell me more, please. What does it mean that you’re an Aquarius?’
‘Well, Aquarius women are usually very smart and rational. They don’t care what others think, they live freely and they hate being controlled.’
‘What zodiac sign would I be?’
‘When’s your birthday?’
‘27th of March.’
‘Okay so you’re an Aries, I believe. Aries males are usually passionate and enthusiastic and hardworking. They don’t stop until they achieve their dreams or until they find their dream person-’
‘Makes a lot of sense,’ James winked at Lily, interrupting her.
‘Shut up! Being an Aries also means you’d be a great partner because you don’t mind hard work.’
‘Okay so I’m an Aries and you’re an Aquarius. They both begin with an A so I’ll take that as a good sign.’
‘Aries and Aquarius actually have a great compatibility because they are both very mature in regards to their relationships.’ Lily smiled at James. She’d once searched up their compatibility on a whim and had been pleased with the results, much to her surprise.
‘So we’re both compatible it seems. So why didn’t you let me ask you out sooner?’
‘I dunno. I’m glad it’s now, though. It feels right.’
‘It does feel right. I can’t believe you didn’t realise I fancied you, though. Didn’t I make it obvious by asking you out every year since we were 11?’ He chuckled, amused.
‘I always thought you were joking,’ she admitted, quietly with a small smirk etched across her face.
‘Admittedly I wasn’t the most romantic guy at the ripe age of 11 years old but I did think that you would catch on eventually. What was the real rason, Lily, I can tell there’s more to this.’
‘Well… I always wondered why you didn’t ask out Alice or Mary instead, they were way more the type I thought you’d go for. And look at me, James, there’s no denying that I’m a lot bigger than most girls.’
‘You really think the number on the scale bothers me? You underestimate how much I like you, Lily. I don’t like you plainly for your looks, not to say you aren’t beautiful because you are but you are beautiful inside and out,’ he says, tucking her hair behind her ear and placing a hand under her chin to raise her head to meet his eyes. ‘I don’t think anything would ever change the way I feel about you.’
He pressed his lips to hers and she returns the gesture, sharing a firm but gentle kiss.
‘So tell me more about your paintings.’
— — — —
The rest of their date was very enjoyable and Lily was actually disappointed when it was over. They walked back to the common room and bid each other goodnight.
Once she got back to her dorm she realised she had forgotten her quill at the library and once she realsied she couldn’t let it go so she made a quick trip down there before it closed. When she was walking back she spotted Snape and his little gang so he hid behind a wall in the opposite corridor and decided to listen to their conversation.
‘Did you see that Potter with Evans in Hogsmead today?’ Mulciber piped up with his annoying voice.
‘I never did understand why you hung out with that Evans, Snape,’ Avery scoffed at the thought of associating with a muggleborn.
‘Not to mention the state of her,’ Lily was surprised that Snape would say something like that after all the time they spent together when they were younger but they were no longer friends and she had grown to accept that.
It didn’t mean the comment stung, though. She could usually push through her insecurities and had been barely thinking about them since hanging around with James. However hearing that had returned the thoughts that she wasn’t good enough to be with James. Not once had he ever made her feel like that it was purely Lily and how she had been treated in the past that projected this into her head.
— — — —
Lily saw James when she got back to the common room and tried to avoid him, wanting to be alone but James called her over to him and his friends so she went to sit next to him.
He slung an arm round her and she immediately felt safe in his presence. James had a knack of being able to make anyone feel safe and that was one of the things Lily loved about him.
She realised then that if the one person who probably loved her most in this world saw nothing wrong with her then she should neither.
Who cared what Snape, Mulciber and Avery thought? Who cared about anyone who had made her feel inferior. She was Lily fucking Evans and that was enough.
Maybe she wouldn’t always see the beauty in herself but from then on she sure did try.