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Taken away to the dark side, I wanna be your left hand man!

Summary:

Heaven and Hell do, in fact, exist! Except, after death, you can choose where you wish to go. Ranboo jokingly chooses hell, but when he arrives, he hears a phrase he didn’t quite expect…
“Finally! A new friend!”
[title from Riptide by Vance Joy]

Work Text:

*Wow…*

*That was pretty dumb.*

*I REALLY shouldn’t have done that, I mean, what did I expect to happen…*

*To be able to hear the honking over the pouring rain and Lemon Demon at full blast?*

*I thought I’d be gone by now…am I in a coma or someth-*

“Your not in a coma dumbass.”

Startled, I sat up from what I believe to be the floor despite the glass-like surface and surveyed my surroundings. I seem to be in a small room, just big enough to fit a queen bed. The walls appear to be made of granite, and there are gates on either side of the room, glowing in blue and red light respectively. Oh- and there’s a blonde guy with blue eyes who appears to be around my age and is moderately tall, if that matters.

“So, what’s your name newbie? And where you wanting to go? Let me guess, you wanna go to heaven, like every “sane” person does.” Said the blonde as he helped me up.

“My names Ranboo, and you are…?” “Tommy. Tommy the gate guardian. So, where ya lookin’ to go, heaven or hell, I don’t got all day, ya know. Places to go, spirits to see…” Tommy prompted. “Why are you asking me- aren’t you supposed to like- judge me or something??” *Although the thought of death and what came after had always scared and confused me, I must say…this was about as peaceful and non-confusing this could possibly be.*

“We changed that policy ages ago RanBOOB. Besides, now I have time to visit friends, so…chop chop. Where’s gonna choose supposed “paradise” or hell. Simple.” *Never mind*… “1) Please don’t call me that… 2) Well, I doubt many people choose hell, I mean, must be rather quiet lol…I **could** use some of that.”

“Why are you staring at me like that…”

“wHy ArE YOu sTArInG aT Me LiKE tHaT? You fuckin chose hell over paradise, who the fuck does that?!?” *And I just got screemed at. By a dead person. wait- is he even an spirit…what if he’s like- an alien or smthn…*

”Well…I suppose it’s not all that bad, just surprising…” *oh right- “*I just thought since, ya know, I’m not rly that bad a person and there’s probably not a lot of people running around in there…” I said sheepishly, “oh don’t worry about it, Tubbos been lonely for awhile, that’s actually where I was gonna head to after this, Ranboob…hopefully Phil won’t find out, haha…” Tommy fished a key out of his pocket and unlocked the red gate.

“Well, you first big man.”

……………..……………..……………..…………………….

“So…where are we exactly? I mean- were kinda just standing on an open plane of lava rock…” In each direction all one could see is lava rock for miles, it’s was an interesting development tbh, seeing as the gate had taken awhile due to lack of proper maintenance.

“Well RanBOOB, typically the rulers left hand would have decorated or at least been here, but no one be has been here in a long ass time that I don’t care to keep track of, Jschlatt, the king of this baren place, is having a vacation, so, he left the prince, Tubbo, in charge…but it’s been so long the things Tubbo set up here kinda disappeared, but that’s ok, cuz we should be taken to the main area any second now.”

“…I don’t think I needed a whole history-“ “OH SHUT UP RAN*BOOB”*

Just as I was about to mention the lack of literally anything in sight, a disorienting flash took my vision and when it cleared, I was in a banquet hall of sorts…except the castle was lava rock. *What is with all the lava rock…*

“Finally! A new friend!” “YES TUBBO! I, TOMMY BIG MAN WIFEHAVER DANGER INNIT, HAVE BROUGHT YOU A NEW FRIEND! His name is Ranboob by the way.” Tommy said as he walked over to a ‘teen’ with fluffy brown hair and horns. “It’s uh, Ranboo- actually” “That’s what I said RanBOOB, anyways, I think you’ll get along just swell, now let’s watch some tv Tubso, I’m bored.”

*Welp. This is gonna suck… I’ll never get peace again. Oh geez they’re fighting over the remote, what did I get myself into.*

*it’s kinda funny though, wonder if there’s any popcorn in this place…*

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