Archive of Our Own

“I think I’m in love.” 

The room would have been silent if they were anywhere else. It would have been so quiet that they could have heard a pin drop. It would have been a silence that would stretch while the two of them marveled at the admission from a woman who regularly laughed at the idea of love. 

They weren’t anywhere else. A metal version of the 1998 song Butterfly was blaring through the halls of the shop because somehow Hua Cheng got access to the music before she sat down in He Xuan’s chair. The incessant buzzing and humming of the machine in He Xuan’s hand droned loudly by Hua Cheng’s right ear. They were working on her shoulder and she can feel the tiny pinpricks of pain blossom against her skin with each jab of the needle. 

He Xuan does not stop her work, wiping blood from Hua Cheng’s arm to see her lines better. “Was the sex that good?” She asked mildly, not giving a shit. 

“Shut up.” She snapped back. “I won’t let you talk about Jiejie like she’s some one night stand.”

“Aren’t they all one night stands?” He Xuan countered. 

It was a fair question. But.

“Jiejie is different.” Hua Cheng smiled down at the floor because if she moved her head she would be in He Xuan’s way and while she strived to be in her way as often as possible, she wasn’t going to do it during a tattoo session at least.

She thought a free tattoo every few weeks was a pretty easy way to pay off a debt. If anyone bothered to ask He Xuan, it was fucking annoying, mostly because she never actually made appointments. But it wasn’t like she had the money to pay her back, so she regretfully opened her chair to the nuisance that was Hua Cheng at least twice a month. 

He Xuan didn’t actually care about whatever poor girl Hua Cheng was after, but she had long since realized that leaving Hua Cheng to keep the conversation going was never a good idea. “How so?” She asked, voice devoid of any enthusiasm. “Did you let her top you? Don’t you even top the guys you screw?” She added a bit of venom to her words. It was enough to make most of her clients cower for two-hour sessions in silence, no matter how painful their tattoos turned out to be. 

Hua Cheng was, unfortunately, not most people. “Jiejie and I haven’t gotten that far yet, but-”

“What?” He Xuan was genuinely surprised. She forced her voice to be neutral again when she asked, “what do you mean?”

“What do you mean, ‘what do you mean’?” Hua Cheng sneered back. “I said we haven’t gotten that far yet. I mean, I barely introduced myself yesterday.” 

He Xuan stopped her tattoo machine then, frowning at her… enemy? Bossy debt collector? Bane of her existence? Whatever they were, neither of them said anything, but Hua Cheng did take the opportunity to toss her hair over her shoulder again and glare out of her narrowed eye. They didn’t need to say anything. They both knew about Hua Cheng. Everyone knew about Hua Cheng. 

“She must live under a rock if you had to introduce yourself to her. Is she a freshman or something?” He Xuan pushed Hua Cheng’s head forward and started up her machine again to get back to work.

Hua Cheng hummed as the bite of the needle started once more. “No. Senior, actually. Something about a credit not transferring or something and they just caught it.”

“And she’s never heard of you?”

It’s a fair question. 

Hua Cheng was something of a legend. Hardly anyone knew anything about her before she showed up at Taicang University last year, but by the end of her freshman year, the entire city knew her name. More than that, considering how sought after her art was. 

Barely a sophomore and yet she’d gained clients that paid her millions for a single piece during her first gallery. She was richer than any twenty-year-old had a right to be and had the attitude to prove it, hence her lording He Xuan’s measly childhood debt over her head when they both knew she would never come close to making as much in her life as Hua Cheng could in a year.

Her art was beautiful, her temper was viscous, and people were as attracted to her as they were scared of her. That didn’t stop a few brave ones from trying to slip into her bed. If they were cute enough, she might let them. She never slept with the same person twice, despite how many of those who fell victim to her bemoaned that fact. 

It was hard to pinpoint whether it was her sexual proclivities, her terrible personality, or her wonderful art was the forefront of rumors about her. It changed by the day, but they were all quite regular topics. 

All of that to say that, it was rather odd that someone didn’t recognize her. 

“Jiejie is busy. She doesn’t have time for silly rumors.” Hua Cheng’s head dipped to rest her chin against the back of the chair in front of her. 

He Xuan tried to pretend that she didn’t see how red her pale ears had turned. “So she lives under a rock.” 

“Fuck you. Jiejie complimented you earlier so listen to my fucking story, or I’ll make you actually pay me back.” 

She didn’t want to listen. She didn’t have the money to pay her back. “Please. By all means. Continue.”

It turned out, that bullshit art history course they were all forced to take that had nothing to do with their degree was good for something after all. Hua Cheng had signed up for calligraphy: the history and application class on a whim. She was an art major and it seemed art adjacent, at least more so than all the other classes that covered this credit. Plus, maybe it would improve her atrocious handwriting. 

Or maybe she would sit down in class, nearly fall asleep before the professor arrives, only for a literal angel to grace her with her presence. This Jiejie of hers was nearly late to class and flung herself into the desk next to Hua Cheng, so close that Hua Cheng could smell her - maple and jasmine and a hint of cherries. Her sweater was white and fluffy and too big for her, covering her hands when she wasn’t writing.

He Xuan wanted to gag. She didn’t ask for the details, she asked for less actually, but Hua Cheng could not be stopped. 

When Jiejie smiled up at her, Hua Cheng thought her heart was going to stop. She was the most beautiful woman on the planet. Her brown hair was pulled up in a messy bun that was half falling already and there was a pen stuck in it to hold it in place. She had a noble face with golden - not brown, or hazel, or any other bullshit color, golden - eyes and when she looked at Hua Cheng, it felt like she was the only one in the room. Like she really looked . 

She didn’t know what that meant. She desperately wished the ink would fill itself in faster on Hua Cheng’s skin so she could end this torture. It felt like she was stuck in her own personal hell. 

But then she mentioned that this Jiejie of hers noticed the tattoos on Hua Cheng’s arms. Tattoos that were, of course, done for free by He Xuan over the last year or so. She had grabbed Hua Cheng’s left hand to move her arm this way and that to get a better look at the swarm of butterflies that spring up from her wrist, starting tiny then growing into the massive but delicate one encompassing the entirety of her shoulder and a small portion of her back. If they looked from the other direction, it looked like the largest butterfly on her shoulder was shattering into a million smaller butterflies.

It’s a fine piece. He Xuan is damn proud of it.  

Apparently this Jiejie had some taste. She pointed out some of the hardest to find details and complimented on the inspired colors and fawned over the clean line work. Then she dropped Hua Cheng’s left hand and moved to her right. Her right wasn’t finished; they had made it to the shoulder portion of the sleeve. It was full of flowers, all red. Each flower was its own individual session. He Xuan was given no further warning other than a few pictures of some random flower via email three days before Hua Cheng shows up at the shop and asks for it to be added to the right sleeve. 

Her jiejie had a lot of really thoughtful, in-depth compliments about He Xuan’s work that she was feeling rather proud of herself as she started to wrap up the last bit of her work for the evening. She wished Hua Cheng would say more on those and less on her own personal comments about the calluses she felt on her Jiejie’s hands, but she would make do with the uncomfortable mix of both. It was better than the alternative of nothing at all pleasant to hear, as she was so accustomed to out of Hua Cheng’s mouth. 

Somewhere in the vaguest back of her mind, He Xuan felt a little bad for this girl. She sounded nice and not just because her hard work on Hua Cheng’s tattoos had been noticed. Maybe it was also because He Xuan’s closest friend was also a golden eyed brunette with a much too large heart and a strange fondness for tattoos. Maybe it was just because she didn’t like Hua Cheng. 

But in the end, it was only a matter of time. 

Hua Cheng always got what she wanted. It was a fact of life. Even if she was taking this slow for whatever reason, He Xuan had no doubt she was going to swallow that poor girl whole. Then she would spit her out, never talk to her again, and move on to the next one. It was Hua Cheng’s MO, after all. 

After she left, He Xuan put it out of her mind. She hardly cared what Hua Cheng did in the first place, she definitely didn’t put in any effort to remember any of her never-ending stories of her conquests. 

Besides, only half an hour later, Shi Qingxuan showed up at the shop and begged her to go to dinner with her, her treat. She had much better things to think about, like her own girlfriend, than to worry about Hua Cheng and whatever poor girl she had her eye on. 

***

Xie Lian was no stranger to bad days. It would be much more accurate to say that she had more bad days than good. However, she took them all in stride with a smile, even when she didn’t exactly feel like it. 

She thought Wednesday was going to be a bad day. The morning was hardly enjoyable, to say the least. She stepped outside into the frigid air with her umbrella in hand, actually prepared for the forecasted weather for once. Her walk to campus was already nothing to sneeze at in the cold - twenty minutes wasn’t long, but it certainly wasn’t fun to do in the winter- but the rain would make it unbearable without an umbrella. As soon as the thought crossed her mind, a gust of wind blew through and there was a snap and her umbrella was inverted, useless. She had to run the rest of the way to her class, thankful it was only sprinkling instead of pouring rain. 

By the time she got to her first class that morning, she was soaked through and shivering. Luckily, her clothes were mostly dry by the end of it and Feng Xin shared her umbrella as they walked to their second of the day. During her break before her next class, she managed to squeeze most of the water out of her hair and twist it back up into a bun - all of it this time instead of her usual half up, just to get the wet strands off her face and neck - pinned in place by a pen. 

Her smile felt significantly more genuine when she plopped down into her seat for her third lecture, throwing her backpack into the seat to her right. She was almost completely dry besides her hair and she got to spend her next hour with her lovely new friend, San Niang. While they had initially ended up sitting next to each other because Xie Lian was late and the last seat happened to be next to San Niang, they had chosen to sit with each other every time since. The hour-long lecture they spent together had quickly become her favorite time of the week, even if they only got to speak for a few minutes before and after. 

San Niang was just barely on time, looking half asleep on her feet when she slid into her seat and slumped against Xie Lian’s shoulder. Maybe her Wednesday wasn’t so bad after all. “Jiejie, this San Niang deserves a nap. She was up much too late working on a sculpture.” Before she could respond, San Niang pushed herself up and felt where her cheek had rested on Xie Lian’s white sweater with her hand. “Jiejie, is your jacket wet? Do you not have an umbrella?” 

“Ah, I did when I left my apartment this morning. It broke.” She laughed, rubbing at the back of her neck. Her luck has been bad for so long that most of her friends didn’t even question it anymore. It almost felt novel to have someone worried over it. 

San Niang frowned and started to say something, but their professor showed up and began class. Xie Lian threw her what she hoped was a comforting smile before settling in to take notes. She could always ask her what she wanted to say at the end of class. 

So she dutifully scratched her pen against her notebook paper, pretending she was solely focused on taking notes and she wasn’t sneaking glances at her gorgeous friend. The task was much harder than it sounded. Light streamed in through the window, hitting San Niang and reflecting off her silver accessories. Despite the rain and the humidity, her black hair was still pin straight, cascading over her shoulders and down her back. Everything about her looked perfect, from her thin arched eyebrows and high sharp cheekbones to her one dark eye glancing Xie Lian’s way and her lips pulling up in a self-satisfied smirk-

Heat burned across her cheeks, then down her neck as she tore her gaze away and stared at her notes instead. She totally just got caught staring at San Niang. How embarrassing! She couldn’t even risk another glance over at her when she heard a soft chuckle, too mortified at her own shamelessness. 

If she was looking at her notes anyway, she might as well take some. It was a worthwhile effort at least. After she wrote two sentences, her words started to look lighter and lighter. She pressed the tip of her pen to her tongue, hoping it was just old and it would keep writing. It didn’t. 

Xie Lian frowned down at the pen in her hand. She didn’t think she had another one besides the one in her hair, but she was sure it would work. She would just switch the one in her hair for the one that ran out of ink and all would be well. 

If only. She lifted her dead pen, ready to make the swap, when the person behind her kicked her seat. It jostled her, not much but just enough for her to lose her grip on her dead pen and for it to skitter to the row of desks below her with such force it kept rolling down three more rows of desks. There was no recovering it, not from halfway down the auditorium. 

There was also no way she was going to ask San Niang for a pen after she had just been caught staring at her. Before giving up hope on taking notes completely, she grabbed her backpack and rummaged through it, desperate. She would accept an expo marker or even a highlighter, just anything to write with. What she found was four pen caps and an eraser. A lot of good that would do her when she didn’t have a single pencil. 

Out of options, she plucked the pen from her hair with a sigh. Her damp hair fell with a wet thwack against her neck, much louder than she anticipated as it echoed out through the auditorium. A few of the nearby students turned to her, curious as to what could have possibly made that noise. She thanked her many years of bad luck and situations exactly like this one for being able to keep a straight face through their looks, staying focused on her notebook. 

And it was fine. She shoved her hair back from where it hung heavily in her face and took her notes and pretended she couldn’t feel a damp spot cropping up on her sweater. The date for the next test was written down as she yanked her bangs backward and got caught on a knot still damp enough to make it nearly impossible to untangle. Her hair was swept over her right shoulder; it was heavy on its own and weighed down by water, so she ended up tossing it over her left shoulder soon after. Then back to the middle of her back. 

She was aware she was fussing, but she doubted hardly anyone in the room besides maybe San Niang herself understood just how heavy all her hair was when it was wet. And it was unpleasant to have damp hair stick to her skin while she was trying to focus. Even still, she tried to keep herself from shifting too much, not wanting any more attention than she had already called to herself. 

Xie Lian must not have done a very good enough job because San Niang tapped her desk twice after a few more minutes. She hadn’t tapped it with her hand, but rather a dark wooden object in her hair. She offered it to Xie Lian, fingers uncurling to reveal a carefully hand carved Ji hairpin. It was decorated by a delicate yet intricate butterfly at the end that would look as if it perched atop the wearer’s bun once placed. 

She didn’t know anyone who owned a proper Ji anymore besides her mother, let alone one that looked like it could be a work of art itself like one San Niang held. It had been years since she had worn one herself, but she obviously hadn’t forgotten since she was doing the same thing to that day with pens. Still, she felt bad taking something so nice from San Niang. Who knows how much she paid for that? Or if it were a family heirloom, for that matter. She didn’t even know when the last time she washed her hair was, how could she dare use it to hold up her grimy hair?

Not to mention, it may send the wrong sort of message. Everyone could see the butterflies tattooed on San Niang’s left arm and the butterfly on the Ji . If she wore it, wouldn’t her crush on San Niang be too obvious? It would be like broadcasting to the whole classroom that she wished she were San Niang’s girlfriend. 

She put a hand over San Niang’s and tried to push it away. “Jiejie,” San Niang leaned in close to whisper in her plea right into ear, “You look uncomfortable. Please let this one help.” 

How could she deny her when she asked so earnestly like that? She pulled her hand away with the Ji and set to pulling her hair up again. If she had moved away any slower, she was sure San Niang would have been able to feel the heat of her blush because she was positively burning. 

With her wet hair off of her neck and the Ji nestled perfectly in her bun, the rest of their lecture went by without a hitch. If she leaned just a bit to her right the whole time, it was only because it was more comfortable to write that way. And she definitely must have imagined San Niang leaning to her left, just enough that they brushed shoulders once. Even if she imagined it, she knew she’d be thinking of it with a silly grin on her face for the rest of the day. 

After class, San Niang insisted on walking her to her next class since she had a functional umbrella and a break before her studio hours that afternoon. It wasn’t until they were at her next class that she even remembered she still had the Ji in her hair. “Oh, San Niang!” She reached up to take it out of her bun. “Thank you for letting me borrow this, I really appreciate-”

A hand, larger than her own, closed over hers to stop her from pulling the Ji out of her bun. “I think it looks better on Jiejie than it ever would on this lowly San Niang” 

“Don’t tease me, San Niang.” Xie Lian thought her heart might stop if she didn’t walk away that instant. She really didn’t want to leave. 

“I promise you, you won’t find anyone more sincere than me, Jiejie.” And San Niang sounded so sincere that she wanted to believe her.

Xie Lian made the mistake of looking up at San Niang. Though they spoke often in class, it had only been when sitting down, so it was the first time she really truly noticed how tall San Niang was. She was at least a full head taller than herself and Xie Lian had to crane her neck to look up at her. 

San Niang looked as sincere as she sounded. She also looked amazing, one hand holding her umbrella, tipped to protect Xie Lian from the rain more than herself, and the other on the top of Xie Lian’s head, grinning at her like they were sharing a secret. With her leaning in so close, it would be very easy for Xie Lian to reach up on her toes and kiss her. She really wanted to.

But they had barely known each other for a handful of weeks! And she had class in a few minutes. Class with Feng Xin, might she add; someone who would definitely start a problem if she caught her doing something so shameless outside for anyone to see, with a girl younger than her no less. 

Not trusting herself to withstand the urge to kiss San Niang any longer, she laughed nervously and extracted herself from her hand. “I-If you say so, I will.” She acquiesced; she was still hesitant, but her faith in her willpower was declining and fast. She couldn’t even bother to make up an excuse as to why she was running away, she just shouted, “thank you!” over her shoulder as she darted out from under the umbrella and ran inside the building. When Feng Xin asked why her face was so red, she lied and said it was because she had to run to class. 

Later, when Xie Lian asked about the Ji , San Niang waved it off and called it cheap. She even told her to throw it away if she didn’t like it. When pressed further, she admitted it was something she had carved herself one day and never had the chance to wear. 

Even before she found that out, it had already become Xie Lian’s favorite hairpiece. She took to wearing it quite often; of course, only on days she didn’t have class with San Niang. It felt too intimate to wear in front of her for some reason. But after she found out San Niang had made it with her own hands, she treasured it and wore it like a badge of honor. She wondered if anyone else had a piece made by her hands so skillfully to wear the way she did. She didn’t like the idea at all.

***

A few weeks later, Xie Lian stopped by the shop. She peeked her head in while He Xuan was scrolling through her phone and contemplating what to order for lunch. “Hey! I brought lunch!”

He Xuan grimaced at the thought of her cooking. 

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, I picked it up on my way here.” She scolded, but it was hard to take her seriously with how bright her smile was. She dragged a chair over and plopped the food down in He Xuan’s lap. 

They ate and caught up. Xie Lian didn’t come as a client anymore unless she was there for a few touch ups, but the long hours she had spent there in He Xuan’s chair had sprung up an unlikely friendship between the two. It would have been awkward had it been anyone else after everything the two of them had said to each other in the privacy of that small room. It's not anyone else and it's not awkward. 

Instead, she often showed up as a friend. It had been a few years since Xie Lian’s final appointment and they still kept in touch, mostly due to Xie Lian’s persistence in the beginning. Xie Lian always had a knack for showing up right when she was starving and feeding her until there were days she found herself actually looking forward to the visits. He Xuan would argue it was a consequence of her association of her former client with food. Yin Yu claimed she’d been domesticated like a feral cat. Fucking rich coming from the girl with six cats. 

Either way, it became the norm for the two of them to sit down in the same room where they forged their friendship and eat and talk. He Xuan spoke in short sentences and preferred to listen, but she cursed an annoying client, raged about Hua Cheng, or complained about Shi Qingxuan, even though the last one always ended up sounding too fond to be taken seriously. In return, Xie Lian talked about whatever part time job she had at the moment, told stories about her other friends, or gushed about another project she had acquired in the form of furniture on the side of the road. Anything that crossed their minds. 

“I really think I like this art history course I signed up for.” Xie Lian said as she pushed the last half of her sandwich over to He Xuan. She ate it without question. “I thought it would be a pain, but I’m really enjoying it so far.”

“This is that one course you had to retake because of your transfer, right?” He Xuan asked, stuffing the last bite of Xie Lian’s sandwich into her mouth. 

“Yeah! I get to see San Niang three times a week because of it though.” Her cheeks colored bright pink and she looked away. The smile on her face was something He Xuan had never seen before. Too wide, too… honest. 

Something about that sounded familiar. It felt like a rock wedged into He Xuan’s shoe - definitely there, definitely annoying, definitely a problem. Why did it sound familiar?

“Who is San Niang?” She asked. 

The smile on Xie Lian’s face widened. “She’s a friend I made in my calligraphy class. I sat next to her on the first day and we’ve been sitting together ever since.”

He Xuan didn’t know anyone named San Niang. She didn’t think anyone was actually named San Niang, but plenty who would use it. It was just a flirty nickname some girls liked to throw around. She wondered if Xie Lian had realized it was a nickname yet. She didn’t like the sound of this girl at all. 

“She’s really smart! She’d already read the whole book for the class and does really well on the reviews. She just, isn’t great at the application part.” She giggled at that, like it was an inside joke. “We’ve been talking a lot. She’s always very sweet.”

For a brief second, she worried it might be Hua Cheng’s work. It would be a one in a million chance of them meeting outside of He Xuan since they’re in entirely different majors, friend groups, and lifestyles. Plus, she knew there were plenty of calligraphy classes at their college. It would be a sick twist of fate had the world’s sweetest angel and its worst devil just happened to sit next to each other in a class. Still, the possibility was there. 

It was a possibility that made He Xuan frown. “She hasn’t been pushy with you, has she?” Because that’s what Hua Cheng was. Pushy. Pushy and mean and a fucking menace.

Xie Lian laughs. “Oh goodness, what would she be pushy with me for? She’s just a nice person. We meet up for coffee on the weekends and practice her calligraphy. She helps me with my phone a lot since I can never get the thing to work.” 

A sigh of relief went through He Xuan. At least if that girl was a nice person, that ruled out Hua Cheng. It would have been such a longshot for a friendship to have come about between her best friend and her worst enemy over calligraphy without her knowledge, just because they both mentioned a similar sounding class. 

Still, later that evening, she pulled out her phone and dug through every social media she could think of to look for anyone using the San Niang name. She found too many in the school alone and not a single thing to go on for if they could possibly be Xie Lian’s San Niang. It did make her feel a smidge better when she double checked and found that San Niang was not one of Hua Cheng’s usual nicknames to go by. 

She decided to text Xie Lian for some updates on this suspicious girl in the future. Shi Qingxuan could call her nosy and overprotective all she wanted, but someone had to look out for Xie Lian. They both knew she certainly wasn’t going to look out for herself. 

***

Hua Cheng had been serious the last time she saw He Xuan. She did think she was in love that day as she got those three red daylilies inked into her shoulder. She still thought she was in love, doing nothing but sitting next to her in their calligraphy class, falling deeper and deeper every time they met again. It certainly felt that way as she watched her jiejie take her sweater off for the first time.

That sounded a lot worse than it actually was. Initially, she had been excited to finally get a glimpse of her frame without an oversized sweater swallowing her, but she could wait. She didn’t need to rush anything with Xie Lian. Besides, it had been freezing outside; she would much rather her jiejie bundled up and warm than risk her getting a cold.

The seasons were changing, slowly but surely, and winter was fading into spring, leaving the weather of those transitional days too inconsistent to dress properly. The mornings were still icy, leaving cheeks pink and breaths visible in the air, but by midday, anyone in anything more than a t-shirt would be melting in the heat. But the heater still ran in the lecture halls, leaving them sweltering to anyone bundled up in a jacket for the morning’s chill, much less a very fluffy sweater.

On a day like that, Xie Lian pulled her sweater over her head and Hua Cheng got a swift glance at her waist before her eye got distracted. Underneath, she had on a high-necked white tank top. It was fairly form fitting and yet Hua Cheng could barely even take the chance to admire that, as her eye raked up and down Xie Lian’s arms. They themselves were toned, much more muscular than would have been anticipated from her lithe frame. 

But the thing that really caught her eye was that every available bit of her skin from her wrists to her shoulders was covered in ink. Her right arm looked as if someone had taken a massive sword collection and laid it out on her skin, tip to pommel, in rows from her wrists up her shoulder where it started to thin out. The swords got more details as there were fewer.   It had to have taken hours to do the smallest of sections and to get all the details right. 

On her left was a similar sight to Hua Cheng’s own right arm: flowers. Hers weren’t regulated to only red though; yellow, blue, pink, red, purple, all manner of colors bloomed in existence on her skin, twining up green stems and vines, growing over and under each other in a haphazard mess. The flowers grew less frequent and more detailed towards her shoulder, as the swords had on the right. It looked as if the pieces met in the middle on her chest and back, but that was left to Hua Cheng’s imagination as her shirt covered it up.

Hua Cheng wondered how far it went down, a fierce surge of jealousy of whoever it was that was allowed to ink up such delicate parts of Xie Lian’s skin rolled through her gut. She wondered why swords and flowers. She wondered what sounds Xie Lian would make if she traced some of those lines on her chest with her tongue…

She felt the tips of her ears burn and she crossed her legs, thinking about anything but that in the middle of class. She hadn’t been this horny for someone since she was a teenager and all she had seen were her arms. What was she going to do if Xie Lian wore a skirt to class one day? Probably something stupid like interrupt their lecture to profess her love for her at the professor’s podium. Or, equally as stupid but somehow worse, try to make out with her right then and there in the middle of the classroom.

The lecture moved forward without Hua Cheng. Her horny mind was rabbit running through scenarios - Xie Lian’s arms lifting her up with ease, cradling her like she was small; taking an entire afternoon to kiss each and every flower followed by each and every sword, followed by every inch of skin Xie Lian would let her; how pretty her tattoos would look tied up underneath white ribbons - while the fading rational part of her brain reminded her that Xie Lian was far too good for her to taint with her hands. A third much larger part of her brain dutifully thought the words I love you over and over in time with her heartbeats.

Later on, maybe halfway through their lecture, Xie Lian leaned closer. “San Niang…” She whispered conspiratorially, her cheek brushing against Hua Cheng’s shoulder once. She always looked like she was doing something wrong whenever she talked during class, her cheeks flushing ever so slightly as her eyes darted back and forth between Hua Cheng and the professor as if on lookout. 

It was endlessly endearing to Hua Cheng. “Yes?” She whispered back, doing her best not to look like she was undressing her with her eye. It was harder than it should have been. 

Xie Lian’s fingers ghosted past Hua Cheng’s shoulder where a cluster of red poppies had been added on her chest along her collarbone just a few days ago. The skin was still raised and raw, yet her touch was so light, it made her shiver without a hint of pain. She wondered if Xie Lian had any idea of the effect she had on people. 

“Are these new?” 

“Yes.”

“Mm. They’re very pretty.” 

She didn’t say anything after that, probably because she was too scared to get caught talking. Adorable. 

Hua Cheng spent the rest of the lecture trying to stop her heart from trying to break its way out of her chest and throw itself into Xie Lian’s hands. It got harder to do every time she snuck peeks over at the intricate works of art on her arms. Whoever the artist was had done a fairly decent job - Hua Cheng could have done better of course, but Xie Lian’s beauty would have made even the worst tattoo look amazing. And it was a pretty good tattoo on its own. 

Despite her normally incredible luck, Xie Lian put her sweater back on before the end of the lecture. It was easier for her to think, but she hoped for a glimpse of those tattoos again soon. 

She went to see He Xuan that evening and asked for red tulips on her shoulder blade. If she wore a backless shirt on Friday, then Xie Lian would see the newest additions. Hopefully she would touch them too. 

***

“Have you heard anything about Xie Lian’s ‘San Niang’?” He Xuan spat out the name the same way she spat out Hua Cheng’s name - dripping with disdain and ire with no outlet. It was clear she didn’t approve of the girl from what little she had gleaned about her thus far.

Shi Qingxuan giggled, hugging her girlfriend around her waist from behind while she washed dishes. “Who hasn’t? Her San Niang is all she seems to want to talk about. It’s adorable.”

“It’s gross.” She shoots back. “Have you met her?”

“Not yet. I’m awfully curious though.” And she was. Heck, she had already pressed Xie Lian for a meeting! The timing just hadn’t worked out in her favor yet, but it would and, while she wasn’t a particularly patient woman, it was worth the wait to meet the first person Xie Lian had ever been interested in.

He Xuan hummed instead of responding, her hands stilling.

Shi Qingxuan sighed, shaking her head fondly. “If you’re so worried, why don’t you check in on Xie Lian yourself?”

She started doing the dishes again without answering. The two of them stood there, Shi Qingxuan with her forehead pressed between He Xuan’s shoulder blades and He Xuan scrubbing plates. As much as she loved talking, she held herself back. Her girlfriend needed to get there on her own. 

He Xuan finished the dishes and braced herself against the edge of the sink. “I should, shouldn’t I?” She murmured softly. 

Her lips pulled up in a grin. “Yes, you should.” 

“I’ll text her then.” She said in that same tone she used when she was going to make her words reality, consequences be damned. It was resolute and firm and extremely hot . 

“Mmhm, you should do that.” Shi Qingxuan sighed against her back. He Xuan turned to face her and gathered her up in her arms, pulling her closer. “You should definitely do that. In the morning.”

The look He Xuan gave her couldn’t be described as anything other than hungry . And maybe a little amused. “I’ll text her in the morning.” She breathed against Shi Qingxuan’s lips before kissing the breath right out of her.

***

you still alive

Xie Lian smiled down at her phone. It was very rare for the prickly He Xuan to reach out to someone first and it warmed her heart to see her do so each and every time. Unfortunately, her fingers were busy, so texting wasn’t a very viable option at the moment. She hit the call button and put her phone on speaker.

It rang once. Twice. On the third ring, her call was answered and a sleepworn voice groaned, “what the fuck do you want calling me so goddamn early in the morning?”

“You just texted me. I knew you were awake.” Xie Lian pulled and twisted her hair into different hairstyles, trying to decide what to go with for the day. “Besides, it’s past ten. That’s hardly early.” 

“Too early.” She hissed back. 

Xie Lian could hear shifting of the sheets on the other side. It was Saturday, which meant Shi Qingxuan was there next to He Xuan. She used to think that those noises meant He Xuan was getting out of bed so as not to disturb her girlfriend’s rest with their call and she used to coo at how sweet her friend was, even if she tried her best to pretend not to be. 

She knew better now. Those were the sounds of He Xuan getting back into bed and tucking Shi Qingxuan into her arms once again after she retrieved her headphones for the call. The two of them had a strict ‘no getting out of bed before noon on Saturdays’ rule that they took very seriously. That was even cuter of them. She smiled to herself, knowing He Xuan would hear it in her voice. “Whatever you say.”

“Oh, fuck you.” She grumbled. Then, it was quiet on the other end of the line for long enough that Xie Lian was worried her friend had fallen back asleep. “How is your San Niang?” She asked without any preamble. 

Xie Lian watched in the mirror as her cheeks flushed in real time. Her San Niang. She liked the sound of that. She liked the sound of that a lot. “Good.” She said; it didn’t feel like enough at all, so she added, “Great, actually. We’re going to an animal shelter in a bit.”

She settled on pulling her hair up in her usual half bun, this time pinned in place by the Ji San Niang had given her. She had worn it once or twice to their calligraphy class since, always rewarded by a sparkle in San Niang’s eye that made her blush furiously. On days she didn’t have calligraphy and wasn’t meeting San Niang, she wore it every day. It was her favorite. 

Her blush spread down her cheeks and neck as she looked at it. Maybe it was too much to wear for an animal shelter. Was it inappropriate? Did it look like she was trying to stake a claim on San Niang? That’s exactly what she was going for, but she couldn’t tell if she was being too obvious. After all, there was no reason for someone like San Niang to like someone like Xie Lian. 

She wanted to ask someone’s advice, but her go to would have been the sleeping fashion major, Shi Qingxuan. While she could ask Feng Xin or He Xuan, it’s not like either of them would have any worthwhile fashion advice. Mu Qing would likely be able to answer her question, but she had less than half an hour and Mu Qing wasn’t known for being exactly forthcoming with answers. 

“Why would she go with you to an animal shelter?” He Xuan did not sound impressed. 

Xie Lian laughed softly. “A friend of hers volunteers regularly. She mentioned they needed more people and I thought it would be fun, so I signed up. San Niang offered to come with me.”

He Xuan clicked her tongue in displeasure. “So she’s only going because you’re going?”

“I suppose you could say it like that.” 

She hummed. It was a sharp sound with bite behind it. “I don’t like it.” 

“You don’t like anything but Shi Qingxuan.” 

Instead of a response, she hummed her assent. There was no edge to that one. Xie Lian felt her grin widened as she realized just how well she knew her friend. When they had first met, neither of them said anything for hours and now she could read the words within the slightest hum. And yet so often, they found themselves content in silence again, as they did in that moment. 

“You like her, don’t you?” He Xuan asked after a silent few minutes. 

Xie Lian had been doing a fairly decent job applying mascara for the first time in who knows how long when she accidentally jammed the wand into her eye with surprise. “What?” She squeaked. Then she groaned and started dabbing at her eyelid with makeup remover instead of answering the question. 

“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid. You’re not very subtle. Not to me, at least.”

She knew that all too well. He Xuan had been the only person to figure out what her tattoos had been, even though Mu Qing and Feng Xin had grown up with her and watched them slowly grow up her arms. She had been the one to notice the shifts in Xie Lian’s behavior whenever Qi Rong had made tasteless jokes in the shop, even though Shi Qingxuan was supposedly her best friend. She had always been like that; enjoying putting pieces of a puzzle together and seeing the whole picture. The problem was she had gotten too good for most puzzles to keep her interest, so she started doing the same with people.

Her eyelid free of stray marks, Xie Lian worked on applying her mascara again with a shaky hand again. “So what if I do?” It came out with all the confidence she felt in admitting it aloud for the first time: absolutely none. 

“Then I have to meet her. I’ll tell her I’ll kick the shit out of her if she ever hurts you. And I’ll judge her for any shitty tattoos.” 

Xie Lian giggled, but before she could respond, there was a knock at her door. “I’ll call you back later, okay? Love you!”

“Gag me…” He Xuan actually gagged for added effect, but just before she ended the call, she mumbled, “love you too or whatever.” 

Xie Lian threw her door open without checking behind it, pleased to see San Niang smiling at her. She had insisted on picking Xie Lian up from her apartment instead of letting her take the bus, even though she was perfectly capable of it. It made her heart swell with affection for the woman in front of her. 

The woman that did not look ready to go to an animal shelter. San Niang looked nicer than she did for class, which was saying a lot since Xie Lian already thought she dressed up quite nicely. Her hair was pulled up into a simple ponytail with her bangs loose and sweeping over her right eye. There were random sections of braids pulled up into it and one that hung freely down by her right ear, capped off by the coral pearl earring that Xie Lian had thought she lost during their first month of school. She had to look away to stop herself from blushing at the sight of Hua San Niang’s hair , of all things.  

It was warm enough now that she’d worn a red backless halter top to show off not only her fully inked arms, but the red flowers and silver butterflies that stretched onto her back. Her black jeans were tight enough that she probably couldn’t bend her knees, not fully at least, and they were ripped strategically. The black combat boots on her feet alone looked like they cost half of Xie Lian’s rent. And there was silver everywhere - studs stuck in her ears and nose, a necklace around her neck, at least two bracelets, even a looping, thin silver belt that was wrapped loosely around her hips three times, obviously a fashion choice rather than a necessity. 

In the heartbeat that Xie Lian digested the way she looked, she could feel San Niang doing the same to her. She could feel her cheeks heat under the weight of San Niang’s one good eye as it roved over her. It felt laughable to be standing next to such a gorgeous woman in her ratty tennis shoes, faded jeans ripped from wear and work, and a plain white tank top that was already stained orange on the left side from a particularly bad kitchen disaster. 

No sooner did she let that line of thinking start to drag her down than a strange look crossed San Niang’s face. Her gaze was trained on Xie Lian’s hair, where the Ji she’d given her was still there. She had meant to take it out and switch it, but He Xuan had distracted her. It was too much, wasn’t it? That’s why she looked like that. Like…

Like she wanted to say fuck the animal shelter and throw Xie Lian onto her bed to ravish her. It wouldn’t be hard; she lived in a studio apartment. The bed was only a few feet away from them.

Her blushed burned down her cheeks and to her neck. She looked down at her shoes, suddenly very interested in the way her socked toe could poke through the hole on the side on the left one. Her imagination had to be getting the best of her. There was no way San Niang was looking at her like that because they were just friends. It was just her wishfully projecting. San Niang had been perfectly polite and kind and she was the one running off with wild ideas of what she would like to do with her junior. 

“Jiejie.” San Niang breathed out the term of endearment like it was a prayer. Xie Lian did her best not to shiver at how it made her feel things no one had ever made her feel. “You look beautiful.” It was said with such sincerity that she had no choice to believe it was the truth. Or, at least, it was San Niang’s truth. 

She shook her head, a fond smile curling her lips. Her golden eyes looked up to see San Niang’s adoring smile turned on her in full force. “San Niang can’t say that when she’s the beautiful one here.”

Xie Lian had never been so glad she forgot how to hold her tongue. San Niang didn’t blush across her cheeks and then it spread out across her body like Xie Lian’s did. It was subtle, so subtle she would have missed it had she not been looking right at her at the right moment, the way her ears burned redder than her shirt at the compliment. She wondered if it spread anywhere else. It looked like the back of her neck might flush red too. 

“Jiejie!” San Niang groaned playfully. “You can’t say things like that. This one’s poor heart can’t take it.”

“It’s only the truth.” Xie Lian shot back, snagging her purse off its hook by the door. 

San Niang offered her arm instead of responding. “Ready to go?”

She nodded, then turned and shouted into her apartment, “I love you! Be back later! Don’t burn the house down!” With that, she yanked her purse over her shoulder and turned her attention to San Niang. “Yes, let’s.”

“Jiejie?” San Niang was looking at her strangely. A mixture of confusion and concern? Maybe a bit of displeasure?

Xie Lian smiled at her in what she hoped was a comforting manner, not sure what could have made that look cross her face but very eager to see it leave. “Yes, San Niang?” 

She opened her mouth to say something before a loud meow from her feet caught her attention. Ruoye had come out despite her mistrust of strangers and was pacing against San Niang’s extremely nice boots, leaving long white cat hairs sticking out of some of the silver buckles. If it pulled her hair, she didn’t seem to care at all. She just kept rubbing against San Niang’s leg and purring. 

“You have a cat.” San Niang sighed and, if Xie Lian didn’t know any better, she would think it was in relief. But that didn’t make any sense! San Niang didn’t like animals. She’d said so herself when a particularly yappy chihuahua had been snuck into the cafe they frequented. 

Xie Lian had been holding off on picking her up to keep her clothes clean, but she couldn’t worry about that now as she pulled her away from San Niang’s leg. Besides, at least her clothes were white. The remnants of her love (read: her fur) would show up much more noticeably on San Niang’s dark ensemble than on her own. “Ruoye, you’re going to get her dirty.” She chided, all pretense of admonishment cut down by the loving tone in her voice. “Sorry about that. She usually doesn’t like strangers, so I didn’t think she would come out.”

San Niang smiled. She hadn’t smiled at that chihuahua - she looked downright murderous. “That’s alright. Maybe she just likes me.” She cooed while scratching Ruoye behind the ears. Ruoye nuzzled into her hand, purring and content like she did when only Xie Lian was around. It was as if even her cat could sense her obvious crush and tried to help her out. 

Xie Lian had to stop herself before she shouted out, “I like you too!” She laughed instead. “Probably. San Niang is very kind, so maybe she can tell.”

She snorted. “I’m only kind to Jiejie.” Then she glanced back down at the cat she was scratching. “Maybe you like me because you’re like me, huh? Do you like Jiejie best too?” Her eye flicked up to Xie Lian’s with a teasing smirk punctuating the end of her question.

The blush that had made itself at home on her face and neck bled further down, coloring her chest now as well. “Don’t tease me!” She giggled nervously. If her face got any redder, she would be sentenced to go to the vegetable aisle as a tomato. She had to turn away from San Niang before she lost all rationality and kissed her to make her stop from saying such embarrassing things so easily. “Now, you behave yourself.” She muttered, dumping Ruoye onto her bed and squishing the blankets around her until she was in a tiny Ruoye shaped hole inside them. 

When she turned back around, San Niang’s eye was glued to her and a tiny smirk played on her lips. Xie Lian expected her to tease her again and she really wasn’t sure if her heart could take it, but she didn’t. She just held out her arm once again. “Ready to go?” Xie Lian took her arm and let herself be led out of her apartment. 

Their quick drive was filled with stories from Xie Lian. She tried her best to draw things out from San Niang as well, but each question she asked was danced around with a smile and a half answer. Then she would redirect the conversation to Xie Lian as if she wanted her to keep talking - preferred it even. It was strange to have so much attention directed at her. Strange, but enjoyable. 

After years of always saying too much, the feeling of being asked to continue was not lost on her. An excitement bubbled up within her that she hadn’t even known was there, just waiting for someone to indulge her in. She didn’t think she could recall a time anyone listened to her with such rapt attention, hanging off every word as if she were saying something of vital importance instead of rambling about the cherries she bought on sale last week. It was a heady feeling to have someone truly listen to her and she hoped she could feel it over and over, again and again. 

She hoped it would never stop because that meant San Niang would never turn away from her. 

That wasn't a feeling she knew what to do with though. While dating wasn’t something she avoided, it also not something she had put much thought into either. She had no experience in it, that’s for sure. She didn’t know if she could grab San Niang’s face and smother it in kisses to quell the inherent need to be closer to her. She didn’t know if she was allowed to take hours to trace the butterflies cascading down her arm with a finger gently. She didn’t know if she should reach across the console, take her hand, and twine their fingers together. 

She very much wanted, but she didn’t know , so she didn’t. 

Instead, she talked and San Niang listened and it was almost as good. It would have been better had they been holding hands, she knew it as a fact, but she was still so happy with what she had so she let it slide. 

Yin Yu had arrived before them. She was already behind the desk, filing papers, when they arrived. Her eyes widened as they walked in. “Oh! Xie Lian, Ch- San Niang?” She called, tacking the second name on with obvious hesitance. 

“Don’t fucking call me that.” San Niang snapped, eye narrowing into a glare cold enough to make the temperature in the room drop a few degrees. Xie Lian tried not to feel warmer in her chest at how San Niang had never spoken to her like that. “Only Jiejie can call me that.”

Yin Yu nodded, looking mildly amused and only slightly admonished. Then she smiled politely once again, as if being threatened by San Niang was a daily occurrence in her life and nothing to take seriously. “I’m surprised you actually came.”

“Of course we did! You said you needed help, so let us help.” Xie Lian said with her hands on her hips, clearly ready to tackle any job she was given. 

Xie Lian liked Yin Yu. She had met the soft-spoken girl a handful of times before that semester, but she’d never had the opportunity to speak with her. At least, not until Yin Yu had walked up to San Niang during one of their study sessions and dropped off a stack of papers for some ‘work’ that neither of them elaborated on. They’d become fast friends in the days following, much to San Niang’s irritation. 

Yin Yu smiled warmly at her. “Well then, I can think of a few dogs that need to be walked-” Taking in San Niang’s appearance and her deepened scowl at the idea, she fluidly changed suggestions mid-sentence as if it had been her intention from the beginning, “but how about you guys go to the cat room? We have plenty of kennels that need to be cleaned.” 

They had to sign some waivers before Yin Yu led the two of them through the shelter. As they went, she showed them where to find the cleaning supplies and the bathrooms before depositing them in the cat room. Most of the cats were in their individual plexiglass kennels, lazily flicking their tails as they lounged and watched the newcomers, but a few were loose in the room, playing with strings and other toys. Yin Yu walked them through the steps to clean a kennel before disappearing with an apology when a potential adopter showed up. 

Xie Lian eagerly got to work, smiling as she saw San Niang doing the same. They chatted off and on as they worked through the rest of the morning. Xie Lian pretended she didn’t want to shiver whenever San Niang reached for something over her head or her fingertips would graze against her bare skin. She had more fun than she ever did while volunteering and she had a sneaking suspicion that anything would be more fun as long as San Niang was by her side. 

It was noon before they had finished cleaning all the kennels and decided to call it quits. They had planned on going to lunch after volunteering, so it was rather perfect timing. 

“San Niang, how do you feel about beef for lunch?” She asked as she scooped the last free kitten up to replace them into their kennel.

There was no response. After securing the kitten, she turned to find San Niang, arms crossed and glaring intently down at one particular cat. It was a scrawny but fluffy black thing that was missing half its right ear, its left eye, and the last two inches of its tail. There were scars crisscrossing its back that could have been from cat fights or something human made. 

If Xie Lian didn’t know any better, she would say the cat was glaring right back. 

The two of them stood there, locked in some sort of hateful standoff until Xie Lian couldn’t take it anymore. They were so cute she could swoon over it, but instead she snapped a quick photo on her phone. Then she crossed the room and bumped her hip against San Niang’s playfully, gaze locked on the cat, so she didn’t have to see the look on San Niang’s face at her audacity. “Look at you!” She cooed, waggling a finger at the black cat. “Aren’t you just the cutest?”

San Niang’s gaze darted to her and softened immediately. “That thing is uglier than me.”

“Seeing as how you’re the prettiest person I know, that’s not saying much.” Xie Lian laughed warmly. 

Because she wasn’t looking, she didn’t see the smitten look she got in return. 

“It’s a menace.” She said, frowning at it again. “That cat tried to bite me when I opened the kennel.” As if to demonstrate, she showed her unbitten hand. 

The cat didn’t look mean at all with that one dark, sad eye in her face. It reminded her of another one-eyed, dark-haired beauty she wanted to pick up and snuggle but wasn’t sure if she was allowed to want that. She was allowed to do it to the cat though, so Xie Lian shook her head and opened the kennel, sticking her arms in there to grab the ‘menace‘. San Niang drew a sharp breath and let out a panicked, “Jiejie!” before she lunged forward to stop the oncoming mauling from the tiny hellion, only to stop when the cat allowed itself to be pulled limply out of the kennel. Once it was nestled within Xie Lian’s arms, they could both hear its loud, content purring. “See? She’s just a sweetheart, aren’t you?” 

San Niang felt immensely jealous of her, wrapped up in Xie Lian’s arms, but she nodded with respect at her behavior. “She has good taste.” 

Xie Lian laughed and looked like she was about to say something when the door opened. Yin Yu stood in the doorway, her eyes widening as she stared at Xie Lian. “How did you get that thing out of its kennel?” She asked in horror. 

“I… opened it and grabbed her?” Xie Lian shifted the cat so she sprawled out like a baby in one arm and gave her exposed tummy a rub. 

Yin Yu thought she was about to watch her friend lose a finger - normal cats usually don’t care for belly rubs and that thing was a certified demon - but the cat allowed it to happen. She practically preened under Xie Lian’s fingertips instead. “Wow…” She breathed, coming closer. “No one has been able to pet her yet. She was feral until a week ago. We trapped her by campus, actually.”

San Niang came to join them at Xie Lian’s side as well. The cat did not seem to care about either of them, her one dark eye staring up at Xie Lian with love. Yin Yu slowly reached out her hand to scratch her behind her ears, a gesture of goodwill, and-

There was a yowl, a yelp, and blood hit the floor. 

The cat had twisted herself out of Xie Lian’s grasp and extended her claws, raking them down Yin Yu’s arm in a deft maneuver. She landed on her feet in between her victim and Xie Lian with her back hunched and hackles raised, looking more like a guard dog than a cat. She hissed at Yin Yu for good measure. 

There were four scratch marks down Yin Yu’s forearm, running from her wrist to her elbow. They weren’t particularly deep, but they were long and bloody by the time the cat hit the ground. “Ah.” She said blandly, frowning as she inspected them as if they were a stain on her shirt rather than cuts in her arm. 

“Are you okay?” Xie Lian fretted, trying to step over the still hissing cat in order to help her friend. 

“I’m fine.” She responded calmly, holding up a hand to stop Xie Lian from coming closer. Her progress had been halted by the cat continuously throwing itself between them anyway. She glanced at the blood that pooled at her elbow and dripped to the ground, then at the door. “I’ll go clean this up. Don’t let anyone know she scratched me, okay?”

San Niang snorted. “What? Why? The little fucker got you good, she deserves the credit.”

“If anyone finds out she scratched me, especially this badly, she’ll probably get euthanized.” Yin Yu frowned, then squatted down to be eye level with the cat. She didn’t approach or lift a hand, but she did bow her head slightly. “I apologize for trying to touch you. Behave yourself before you get in more trouble, okay?” 

“She could be put down?” Xie Lian gasped, scooping the cat back into her arms as if she would be safe as long as she was there. She purred as soon as she was off the floor. 

Yin Yu sighed. “The shelters are pretty strict about the animals they keep. If anyone visiting or volunteering gets injured by them, they’re usually scheduled to be put down within the week.”

The idea was nauseating. The poor cat didn’t deserve to die just because she didn’t like to be touched. Xie Lian would’ve taken her home herself if she could’ve, but she could barely afford to keep herself and her current cat fed.

While she mentally crunched the numbers to see if a second cat was feasible and ran through a potential list of homes with her friends, San Niang approached. She grabbed the cat by the scruff of the neck and brought her close to her face, ignoring the upset yowl she was given. They stared each other down once more. “You’re going to make my Jiejie cry, you ugly thing.” She hissed. 

The cat hissed back. 

“You can stay with me, but you better get your shit together, alright?” 

Xie Lian’s eyes widened as that sunk in. They could both hear Yin Yu’s sharp intake of breath. “Che- Boss, you’re going to take her home?” 

San Niang nodded, then dropped the cat back into Xie Lian’s arms. 

“I’ll- Oh, I’ll go get all the paperwork ready!” Yin Yu’s face broke into a smile that neither of them had seen on her face before. She looked truly happy for the cat that had just mauled her arm. Then she darted out of the room, leaving a trail of blood droplets in her wake. 

It was quiet except for heavy purring the cat had kept up. “Thank you, San Niang.” Xie Lian murmured, gazing lovingly down at the cat in her arms. If she had looked up, she would have seen the same look mirrored in San Niang’s eyes, only directed at her. She didn’t.

“It’s nothing.” San Niang responded. “Jiejie will have to come over and help me with her, though. I’ve never had a pet before.”

Xie Lian looked up at her with stars in her eyes. “I would love to! We can go to a pet store after this and- oh! And maybe we could build a cat tree for her!”

San Niang signed the papers. The cat was stuffed into a carrier to save any passing strangers from her claws and they set off towards a pet store. Xie Lian tried to pretend she wasn’t in love. 

***

It was, in fact, not nothing. It was a pain in the ass. Hua Cheng didn’t even like animals and she certainly didn’t want a pet. And yet, she would do it again in a heartbeat; she’d take two, three, fuck, six more cats into her apartment if it kept distraught from marring Xie Lian’s beautiful face.

Hua Cheng told her Jiejie to name the ugly thing, but Xie Lian insisted it should come from her owner to start their bond. She didn’t think they would have a bond at all either way; still, there was nothing she would deny her Jiejie, so she thought about it halfheartedly on the drive to the pet store. Nothing sounded right in her head and Xie Lian kept silent on their drive to let her think, which was unacceptable, so she threw out the first name she had thought of as they reached the cat aisle. 

“E’Ming.” She said it with finality. 

Xie Lian did her best to keep a straight face. If Hua Cheng hadn’t spent the hours in lecture and during their study sessions studying her face instead of calligraphy, she wouldn’t have noticed it. The tiniest twitch in her eyebrows and the slight fall of one corner of her mouth. She felt special knowing she was the only one in the store who knew exactly what it meant. “Are you sure? I mean… She is your cat,” said cat laid in the carrier in the cart, ignoring Hua Cheng entirely with her eye transfixed on Xie Lian, “of course. So, you should pick it… It just sounds a little mean.”

It was a little mean. Fuck, she was a little mean. Xie Lian only saw her on her best behavior, in a little pocket of safety from her normal viscous self, made only for Xie Lian. 

“I like E’Ming.” She flicked the carrier, doubling down. It was probably on the nicer end of names she would offer if they were to keep going. “She looks like she’s had a hard life. It fits.”

There was a small hum of response before her lips tugged up higher into a wider smile. “Yeah. But she’s leaving behind a hard life because you’re taking her somewhere better. It’s terribly kind of you, even if you’re trying to hide it.” Her eyes shone, twin pools of melted gold, with something akin to admiration. 

She liked seeing that look on her face. She liked it a lot, even more so knowing she put it there. It made the tips of her ears and the back of her neck burn. Maybe she could be nice. Not all the time, but at least around Xie Lian.

She ended up buying entirely too much at the pet store. Anything that Xie Lian recommended went into her basket, sometimes two of them so she had something to give Ruoye as an apology for taking her mother away from her all day - and maybe as a small bribe to keep her in the cat’s good graces. It seemed like getting along with her cat would be important to Xie Lian, so she had to try even if she had no idea what cat etiquette dictated.

They made it back to her apartment several hundred dollars lighter and enough paraphernalia to take care of a small arm of cats. While Xie Lian puttered around, finding the ideal places for a cat tree, a litter box, and toys, Hua Cheng cooked them lunch, singing to herself. She wanted to make something impressive so Xie Lian knew she was a good cook, therefore good wife material, but time had gotten away from them. It was later than lunch but too early for dinner, so she settled for a noodle dish she could whip up in half an hour.

Once the food was done, she went looking for Xie Lian. She wasn’t in the living room, the guest room, or her bedroom. A cold fear started to creep its fingers up her spine. There was only one other room in the house and if she was in there then she must have seen… Fuck, how could she have forgotten? Was she really so drunk on Xie Lian that she didn’t think about what was in there?

Hua Cheng darted out of her room and made a beeline to the third bedroom that she had renovated into a studio. Sure enough, Xie Lian stood in the center of the room, mouth agape as she took in the scene in front of her, no demon cat in sight. It had to be shocking for her.

The studio was not clean by any means. There was a tarp covering the floor and it was spattered with all manner of paints, wood shavings, and bits of discarded clay or marble. Several easels stood in the room, white sheets tossed over most of the canvases so they couldn’t be seen, while a large desk in the back housed most of her more delicate pieces in progress. The walls were lined with all manner of tools, splattered almost as much as the floor was in various mediums. It was an impressive studio, especially for someone still in college working on her degree.

But none of that was what she was staring at. No, Xie Lian was standing in front of her most recent painting, one of the only ones uncovered as she had been letting dry after some of the details she added last night. It was a lovely piece, if she did say so herself - the colors all worked out the way she wanted, her lines felt clean, and the pose was perfect. 

The only problem was it was very clearly a painting of the very woman standing in front of it. On the canvas, Xie Lian sat bent over a notebook, her tongue poking out as she concentrated on writing her notes out. The sleeve of her sweater was rucked up and the tips of the swords on her arm poked out from underneath. Her hair was messy and mussed, but soft in the bun she had thrown it all into. She was absolutely breathtaking, but still paled in comparison to the real thing.

Xie Lian’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates as she took in every detail. She didn’t say anything at all and Hua Cheng didn’t know what to say either. The anticipation of a letdown made her heart beat faster, dread seeping into her bones and making itself at home.

“San Niang…” She whispered finally, eyes not leaving the painting. 

Hua Cheng swallowed thickly and did her best to sound nonchalant. She’s not sure if she hit her mark since Xie Lian’s back was to her. “Yes, Jiejie?”

“Did you…” She peeled her gaze off the painting and turned to another one that was uncovered. It wasn’t quite as obviously a Xie Lian study piece like the last, but it was very inspired by her. Swords rained down from an overcast sky, some landing blades down in the ground and sticking straight up, some flat on the ground, and others still hanging in the air, suspended in that moment of time forever. A lone, white jasmine flower stood in the center of the painting, completely untouched by the torrent of swords. Many were near carbon copies of those on her arm while some were stylized differently - Hua Cheng hadn’t been able to completely recreate all the words from memory, but that had been her initial intention. 

She studied that painting with her eyebrows furrowing in the middle as she worried at her bottom lip. “Did you paint these?” She finished. 

“En.” 

It was quiet again. 

Hua Cheng wanted to say, “lunch is ready” and walk out of the room and pretend none of her paintings had ever been seen, but Xie Lian was still gazing wide-eyed at them. She felt like anything she said or did would only make this moment worse for herself. The moment Xie Lian realizes how weird she is and how absolutely massively in love with her she was. 

After so long that she was certain Xie Lian was plotting her escape from a window just to get away from her crazy junior, Hua Cheng finally let out a defeated laugh. “Sorry, Jiejie… I shouldn’t have… I…”

“These are beautiful.” 

Xie Lian’s hand was outstretched, tracing the outline of one particular sword centimeters from the canvas with a watery smile. She looked like she meant it. She looked like she was going to cry. 

Nothing was worse than Xie Lian’s tears, besides maybe her blood. Hua Cheng moved on instinct, rushing forward to wrap her in her arms and tell her everything was going to be okay and she was safe. Just as she got close enough, she remembered she was the one who put that look on her face and she let out a pained noise. “Jiejie, don’t cry. San Niang is sorry; she shouldn’t have painted you without your permission-”

“My father had a sword collection.” Xie Lian dropped her hand, but her eyes were still fixated on that one sword. “He loved martial arts and it was the only thing we could ever talk about without fighting. It was funny, almost. We would yell at each other any time we were in the same room, but when we would take care of his sword collection, we could actually talk.”

Had. Was. The past tense was not lost on Hua Cheng. She didn’t know what to say, but her eye drifted down to the swords cascading down Xie Lian’s arm. 

Xie Lian caught her look and nodded. “It’s his sword collection. After he… I couldn’t keep them. I couldn’t afford to. But I didn’t want to lose them so…” Her fingers tapped absentmindedly against a simple dao sword on her bicep, one of her father’s favorites to practice forms with her. 

“That’s beautiful.” Hua Cheng murmured. “I don’t know how he felt about tattoos, but I’m sure he could have appreciated the sentiment.”

“He hated tattoos.” Xie Lian said. She was laughing now, but a tear still escaped the corner of her eye. 

Hua Cheng huffed a smallest laugh, more in courtesy than out of actual humor. Her entire body still thrummed with nervous energy that was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. “Jiejie…”

Then Xie Lian turned towards her and smiled shyly. “Can you show me more of your art? It’s so wonderful. I don’t think I’ve ever looked as nice as when San Niang paints me.”

Her breath caught in her throat. Actually, she might have forgotten to breathe all together. That had to be why she felt lightheaded. “Jiejie…” She swallowed again. “I can, but I should probably say something first.”

“Oh?” 

Xie Lian gave her an encouraging smile, but she couldn’t make the words form in her mouth. She opened it, then closed it, opened it again. With a final sigh, she reached forward to the nearest cloth and yanked it off. 

Words had never been her specialty; sure, she could make them hurt or twist them to her benefit. She’d learned how to do that early. It was probably the only lesson her worthless father ever gave her. Kind words, soft words, loving words, however, she had no idea how to get out. They got lodged in her throat, too big to squeeze their way through. 

Art was a different story. And boy, the story would be ever so easy to see once she saw her art. 

The cloth covering the canvas fell to the ground in a heap at easel’s feet. It revealed another painting of Xie Lian - she was smiling, her eyes crinkled up in the corners, her cheeks slightly flushed. Her body was swallowed up by a giant fluffy sweater that made her look like an adorable sheep. There was a paper coffee cup between her hands, warming up her weather-reddened joints pleasantly after she’d run in the cold to get to class. It read Jiejie with a heart after it, just like Hua Cheng had asked for when she ordered it. Hua Cheng painted it during their third week of class. 

She didn’t stop there. She walked to the next easel and pulled off the cloth there too. 

It was a more imaginative piece. Xie Lian laid on her back in a field surrounded by flowers of all colors. Her eyes were closed and she looked so peaceful, she might have been sleeping. Her arms were bare and her hands were tucked behind her head. 

Another cloth slumped off to the ground. 

Xie Lian with a crown of flowers set on her head, more flowers weaved into her hair. There was a gentle golden glow around her, as if she herself were radiating light. She looked like a goddess in a simple, unblemished white dress. 

The last cloth was pulled free. Hua Cheng couldn’t look at Xie Lian’s reactions, afraid of what she would see there, but she couldn’t bear to look up at that piece either. She didn’t need to - she knew exactly what was there. 

It wasn’t finished. She didn’t know how to finish it because she had never seen most of what she was painting, only relying on her good imagination as to what was there. If she hadn’t scared Xie Lian off yet, she certainly would with this piece. 

Backdropped against dark red sheets was Xie Lian. Her tattoos stopped abruptly at her chest, just as far as Hua Cheng had seen them, but the space was clearly there to add the finishing touches. But there was no shirt covering her chest now - no clothes to be seen at all. Her naked body was spread out on a bed as if in surrender to whoever put her there, arms up above her head and her knees parting. She was looking up at someone out of frame with a fierce want, her lips parted slightly and her eyes lidded and a flush to her cheeks. 

Hua Cheng’s ears burned as she imagined the canvas in her head. It was the moment of truth - the moment Xie Lian finally realized how creepy in love with her Hua Cheng had been this whole time and told her to fuck off out of her life and never speak to her again. It had lasted almost an entire semester though, which was more than she could have hoped. Every second she got to spend with Xie Lian would be cherished, even after she left. 

“Oh,” was all Xie Lian said. 

Hua Cheng still couldn’t look at her. 

Xie Lian hummed in thought for a moment, surely preparing to let her down gently. She was kind like that. Instead, she said, “it’s not finished.”

Hua Cheng’s eye darted up from the black paint splatter on the floor she had been examining. Xie Lian was looking at the painting with a blush that went all the way down her neck and tucked itself under her shirt. She didn’t look horrified or upset or any of the other emotions she should have been feeling after seeing how obsessed with her Hua Cheng was. Instead, she looked… impressed? Touched? 

“Is this how you see me?” She said it quietly, full of awe. 

Hua Cheng nodded. “Of course. Jiejie is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes on.” 

Xie Lian sucked in a sharp breath. “San Niang…” She took a step towards Hua Cheng. Then another. Then she darted across the room and threw herself into Hua Cheng, her arms wrapping tightly around her waist. She buried her face in Hua Cheng’s neck to hide her blush. “I never thought San Niang would feel the same way.”

“The… same?” Hua Cheng asked, pulling Xie Lian closer to her. “You feel the same way?”

“If you like me enough to paint all these of me, I think we must feel pretty similar.” She murmured against Hua Cheng’s neck. 

The ghost of her breath made Hua Cheng shiver. “Jiejie…” 

They stood there, locked in each other’s embrace in silence. After what could have been seconds or hours - why the fuck would Hua Cheng care about such a stupid construct such as time when her Jiejie was in her arms finally after waiting for damn near five months? - Xie Lian leaned back to look her in the eye. Her face was still tinged pink, but her brow was set with determination. “San Niang, can I kiss you?”

Hua Cheng answered by leaning down and pressing their lips together. Xie Lian tasted like the cherry chapstick Hua Cheng had given her after noticing her lips chapped too often. They weren’t chapped now as they moved shyly against Hua Cheng’s in a soft and sweet kiss. It was languid and slow and fucking perfect. Xie Lian slotted into her arms like she was meant to be there, like there was nowhere else in the world she would rather be. Hua Cheng wanted to keep her there forever.

It ended too soon. Xie Lian settled back onto her heels - when had she gotten on up on her tiptoes? - and Hua Cheng followed after her with a needy whine. It earned her a wonderful laugh. “San Niang, I really like you.”

“I really like you too, Jiejie. I like you so much.” She kissed her again. Then again. She told her how much she liked her over and over again and punctuated each statement with a kiss. One to her thick eyebrow, another to her cute nose, several to her cheeks. 

Xie Lian giggled through the onslaught of kisses peppering her face. She didn’t stop her though. It seemed she was perfectly content to let Hua Cheng kiss her as many times as she wanted - dangerous business since Hua Cheng is insatiable - and thrill jolted down her spine when she realized she could.

She did just that, moving on from kissing her face to her neck, her shoulders, finally pulling up her right hand to try to kiss every sword inked into her arm. Xie Lian’s breath hitched when she did and Hua Cheng looked up to see those beautiful golden eyes staring at her with all the wonder and love she was sure was reflected in her own eyes. It didn’t make any sense that someone as perfect as Xie Lian could look at her like that, but Hua Cheng had always been greedy, so she had no intentions of letting go of it. Unless her jiejie asked her to, which she would pray to every deity she didn’t believe in for that not to happen. 

Hua Cheng had just made it to the Jin sword near her elbow when they heard yowling from the ground. The wretched little E’Ming sat on the ground next to them, yowling in Hua Cheng’s direction. She scowled down at the fiend, ready to let her know she was on thin fucking ice for interrupting her time with her Jiejie, when Xie Lian laughed. “I think she wants you to hold her!” 

They untangled themselves from each other reluctantly. As soon as they did, E’Ming padded over to Xie Lian and meowed sweetly, head butting her shin. “I think she was just jealous of me, Jiejie.” Hua Cheng snorted. 

Xie Lian swept E’Ming into her arms. Hua Cheng was disappointed she couldn’t finish what she started, but her heart swelled looking at the sight in front of her. She wanted to paint it too. Maybe Xie Lian would pose for her with that fiend of a cat one day.

Instead of pulling out her paintbrushes, she leaned forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Xie Lian’s ear. “The food is probably cold by now. We should go warm it up.”

“Ah, yes we should.” She smiled at Hua Cheng, then her cheeks colored once more and she looked away from Hua Cheng. “And, ah, if you would like… perhaps I could show you the rest of my tattoos so you could finish your painting? You’re missing a few, after all.”

Hua Cheng’s gaze dipped to look at Xie Lian’s covered chest and licked her lips. “I’d love that, Jiejie.” 

***

He Xuan was not impressed. 

“And then she made me dinner. Oh! And look at this!” Xie Lian shoved her phone forward so He Xuan could see the picture of a painting of herself surrounded by swords on the ground and in her lap. 

It was a good painting. It was done well technically, but even more so, anyone looking at it could feel the adoration the artist felt for her subject. But she couldn’t admire it because the art style felt too familiar and it grated on her nerves. She couldn’t quite place whose it was, but something about it made her certain she wouldn’t like Xie Lian’s girlfriend one bit. 

She grunted between bites, not trusting herself to keep her irritation to herself. Xie Lian was too happy and she didn’t want to crush her with a poorly timed biting comment. Besides, there were still four containers from the takeout place that hadn’t even been touched. She had work to do. 

While she focused on the food, Xie Lian kept talking. She went on and on about how beautiful San Niang’s paintings were, how cute she looked snuggled up with E’Ming on her couch, and how good of a cook she was. There was a never-ending litany of praises for a woman He Xuan had never met and had hoped before to keep it that way. Only now, she had to meet her to size her up and see how worthy this San Niang really is of Xie Lian, if only to prevent Feng Xin and Mu Qing from trying to do so both loudly and inefficiently. 

Her opinion was slowly changing as she listened. While she had been wary in the beginning, everything this woman did seemed to be very respectful. On top of that, she had been cooking meals for Xie Lian, who already looked like she was a little less tired and a little fuller in the face from existing on the strict diet Xie Lian could afford. She was almost considering that maybe San Niang was a halfway decent person when the door to her room was thrown open with such force it smacked hard against the wall and rattled all the frames on the walls. One of them fell off and hit the ground, shattering pitifully. He Xuan didn’t need to look up to know who it was in her doorway. 

She was already talking, of course. “He Xuan! I have to get orchids added onto my shoulder right now. Jiejie kissed me first yesterday and she sat in my lap and ugh she’s just so perfect. I want her to move into my apartment and never leave.”

Hua Cheng stopped talking then as she realized Xie Lian sitting in the tattoo chair sideways, kicking her legs as she had been rambling on about her own girlfriend moments ago. He Xuan choked on a bite of her food. This was a moment she had hoped to avoid her entire life. 

While she grabbed the nearest drink and soothed her throat, she watched through narrowed eyes as both of their smiles softened into something much sweeter. “San Niang! What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? Jiejie, why would you be sitting somewhere as dirty as in He Xuan’s chair?” Hua Cheng crooned, drifting over to the dirty chair and falling into Xie Lian’s arms like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

“My chair is not dirty.” He Xuan rasped with a glare. This was her worst nightmare come to life in front of her very eyes. She had known from the start - she was right! They were in the same fucking calligraphy class. Why hadn’t she done anything sooner?

Xie Lian laughed. “San Niang.” He Xuan could tell she meant it as an admonishment, but it sounded too fond to be anything of the sort. She certainly didn’t let her go, instead tucking her head under her chin for them to get more comfortable. 

He Xuan wanted to throw up. She had just been thinking Hua Cheng of all people might actually be a decent person. And seeing the way they both looked at each other, full of love and admiration and just pure fucking happiness made her angry because she couldn’t even get angry at that. How could she? 

“Jiejie didn’t answer my question.” Hua Cheng purred, looking like a fat cat who had been thrown some fine tuna. “Why are you with this trash?”

She shook her head. “Don’t be like that, San Niang. He Xuan and I have been friends for a couple years! She’s my tattoo artist.” 

Hua Cheng traced a few of the flowers on the arm around her. “I guess she is a halfway decent artist. This San Niang comes here for tattoos too. I was going to get some more over lunch, but I seem to have interrupted your plans.”

It was the nicest thing Hua Cheng had ever said about He Xuan. The thought made her feel more sick than how sappy the two were. But hearing that name again made her grit her teeth. She was still tricking Xie Lian, after all. 

“Do you even know her real name?” She asked. Hua Cheng’s eyes widened a fraction.

Xie Lian took a moment to look away from Hua Cheng, but smiled at He Xuan, her eyebrows drawing together in confusion as if it were a strange question. “Yes? It’s Hua Cheng, isn’t it?”

“Jiejie knew this whole time?” Hua Cheng sounded… sheepish… It was yet another thing He Xuan had thought her incapable of. 

She answered with a laugh. “You are aware that you’re rather famous, correct?”

“You never said anything.” Hua Cheng sat up to look her in the eye, quickly leaning in to close the gap between them she had created. 

“Neither did you. I thought you didn’t want to talk about it, but if you ever wanted to, you could bring it up yourself.”

“Aw, Jiejie, so considerate of her San Niang.” She cooed before pressing a kiss to the corner of her lips. 

“You are both aware I’m still here, right?” Even though He Xuan pointed that out, she had started back in on the food. “This is my room. Go be gross somewhere else. Lan Chang is also taking lunch, go bother her.”

Xie Lian started to pull away with an apology on her lips, but Hua Cheng kissed her again. He Xuan could see how she forgot what she was doing and melted into her girlfriend easily. 

“Oh, come on, you guys have been dating for six days. Give me a break.” Hua Cheng flipped her off, her lips following Xie Lian as she tried to pull away while looking properly abashed. She pressed a kiss to Xie Lian’s temple but stopped without a single complaint. It was the most reasonable she had ever been with He Xuan. 

Xie Lian started telling the story of how she had tripped in a class earlier that day. He Xuan went back to eating and listening, as was their custom, and she found herself pleasantly surprised that Hua Cheng sat enraptured, hanging off every word that came out of her girlfriend’s lips. She could completely forget she was there had she not had the displeasure of seeing her, but even that wasn’t as bad as normal. Her scowl was gone and she smiled - not smirked, not grinned, a true smile with no malice - at Xie Lian, hearts in her eyes. She looked stupid. She looked in love.

It was creepy, but if Xie Lian had this effect on her debt collector and Hua Cheng really looked at her like… that , like she was the one and only thing in the world that deserved her attention, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it could be good for both of them, after all, Hua Cheng was a better cook and in a much better financial situation than Xie Lian. And that idiot Hua Cheng couldn’t be a luckier woman, dating someone like Xie Lian. Maybe it would be okay. Maybe, just maybe, she could actually approve of Hua Cheng as her best friend’s girlfriend.

“By the way, you still have to tattoo orchids on me today, He Xuan.” Hua Cheng said when Xie Lian paused to take a sip of water. “Don’t think I forgot why I came here.”

He Xuan froze. “My lunch is almost over and I’m booked for the rest of the day.” 

“Looks like you’re staying late.” 

She was halfway through crafting a plan on how to make them break up when Xie Lian put down her cup. “San Niang, don’t be mean to your friends.”

“We aren’t friends.” They both said at the exact same time in the exact same defensive tone. Then they both sneered at each other.

“Why don’t you just come over to my place tonight? I have access to He Xuan’s schedule since I used to work here, so I can slot you an appointment.” Xie Lian was an actual angel. “Ruoye would probably like to see you as well.”

Hua Cheng glared at He Xuan for a heartbeat longer before she turned to Xie Lian with a soft smile. “I’d love to, Jiejie.”

He Xuan didn’t drop her jaw or gasp, but it was only because she was a good actress. Nothing had ever surprised her more than what she just watched, but it made her very certain of one thing: the two of them were never allowed to break up, if only for her own sake.