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Day 2
Sid spent the intermittent hours between Andy leaving his bed and their impending date pacing, chain-smoking, and pacing some more.
The other side of thirty looked a lot more terrifying now that Andy Davis had walked back into his life.
He put out his cigarette and figured he better at least comb his hair. He refused to dress up. He was going to his own club and it’s not like he really owned anything fancy. He always dressed down for work. Just jeans and a t-shirt and he wasn’t changing that up tonight or he’d never hear the end of it from Dave. If he dug out some old cologne from the back of one of his bathroom drawers that was his own business.
This has disaster written all over it, Sid thought by the time he pulled up to The Crazy Cowboy. He knew his own track record. He knew that Andy was probably on the rebound, despite his claim that he hadn’t “done this in a while.” Five years was a long ass time to be with someone. Sid had no frame for comparison, so how could he expect to last even half as long.
The thought shocked him to his core by how much he actually wanted it. Not just s relationship, he’d already made that pact with himself, but one with Andy Golden Boy Davis. The one that got away only in the sense that Sid had never had him to begin with.
All that had changed in the span of 24 hours. Sid lost himself in thoughts of Andy's hands, his mouth, the way blue eyes literally sparkled when he smiled.
“You’re getting soft, Phillips,” he muttered to himself in the rearview before climbing out of his truck. It was sad but true. Last night he’d been able to maintain a sense of preservation, a modicum of cool if you will, but today he felt clumsy, bumbling; he wasn’t used to it. He saw Andy get out of his Blue Jetta a few cars away at almost the same time. Sid wondered if he’d been having second thoughts, had come to his senses.
It’d been a while since Sid had felt like he wasn’t good enough. He’d built himself into someone he could actually say he was proud of. A lot of that seemed hard to remember in the face of Andy, who always seemed to shine just a tad too bright, be a bit too far out of reach.
He was turning that brightness on Sid though now, grinning from ear to ear with his shaggy puppy hair and his Cupid’s bow mouth.
“Hi,” Andy said when he came to a stop in front of him.
“‘Sup?”
Andy quirked an eyebrow and grinned some more. Then he leaned in and kissed him, easy as anything. Short and sweet, like they’d been doing this their whole lives.
it can’t be this easy, Sid thought as Andy stepped back.
“You smell good.”
Sid had to kiss him then —long and wet and deep — to regain some equal footing.
Andy looked a little dazed after and Sid finally felt himself relax.
“C’mon, Romeo.”
Dave was manning the door and winked at Sid as they walked inside. They didn’t hold hands as they approached Amy at the bar but their shoulders knocked together a few times.
Sid had worried that it would be awkward. That without alcohol already in their system or a bed in the room they wouldn’t have much to say to one another or have anything in common. Andy dispelled that notion rather quickly, talking animatedly with his hands about everything and nothing.
Sid mostly listened at first, and then found himself chiming in, revealing parts of himself, matching antecode for antecode while the cover band made their way through their set.
At one point Andy looked around, eyes seemingly huge in the low light. “I still can’t believe all this is yours. I’ve got a shitty office job and some art pieces I can barely move, I’m living back in my childhood home and you –” Andy turned to him, smiling. “You’re still the coolest guy I’ve ever known.”
Sid’s throat felt tight but something inside his chest unfurled. It was then that Sid realized the Andy he’d put on a pedestal all these years was not the guy sitting in front of him.
And all that did was make him more real.
____________________
Day 14
“Fuck me,” Andy moaned, palms sliding down Sid’s back, nails tracing their way back up it.
“Shit,” Sid groaned into his neck, pushing their dicks together harder, tighter. “Tell me you weren’t waiting till the third date like there’s some sort of rule book.”
Andy laughed, breathless. “I really wasn’t and you didn’t answer.”
Sid pulled back to look at him in the near darkness of the room. Andy’s eyes twinkled and his mouth was puffy. Sid rubbed his thumb along his bottom lip, eliciting a groan. “Like hell will I refuse an offer like that.”
It’s been two weeks and they’ve had three dates. Sid worked most nights and Andy had been at some sort of work function in Springfield for part of the time. They texted a bunch, and Skyped from Andy’s hotel room while he was away.
He only got back this morning and they’d gone out to a movie and then back to Sid’s.
Now Sid was reaching for a condom and lube in his nightstand drawer, while Andy hooked his leg higher around Sid’s waist.
This, Sid could do. He could make Andy scream and moan and forget all about the guy he’d spent half a decade with, at least for a few hours. It was everything else that he wasn’t sure about. It was those quiet moments on the drive over here, when Sid turned up the volume in his car and Andy reached over for his hand, shooting Sid a small, pleased smile as he laced their fingers together, like he didn’t have anywhere better to be.
It was still hard to believe – Andy Davis: most likely to succeed, back in Chagrin Falls. Even with him currently writhing beneath Sid and reaching up for another hot kiss.
Andy was nothing like the few fantasies he’d had, back in high school. He wasn’t some shy virgin, looking up at Sid with big, wide eyes.
He was confident, and knew what he wanted. Sid didn’t really want to think about all the guys who got this before him, who helped any discover, “yeah, like that,” and “fuck, right there.”
Instead, Sid focused on the slick slide of his fingers inside Andy, how his back bowed off the bed when he crooked them just right. They kissed the whole time, Sid bent over him, breathless and wanting.
By the time he slipped inside he knew he was as good as lost. Sex had never felt this all-consuming, not even the filthiest of one-night stands.
Andy arched against him, hitched his legs higher and Sid put his back into it, coaxing every sweet and savory moan from his lips.
Two weeks and one fuck and that was all it took. He was all in (no pun intended) and he couldn’t even picture going back now, not even with the fear still gripping him like a vice, convinced that he’ll fuck it all up somehow.
Instead, Sid focused on Andy gasping his name in his ear, clawing at him, pushing in tighter like they were made to fit together.
Maybe they were.
_______________________
Day 70
A little over two months into this thing, Andy said the words Sid had been dreading.
“Do you want to come over for dinner and meet my mom and sister?”
Andy’s mom was moving to Florida next month and his sister had just finished her second year of med school. Sid had been expecting this, especially when Andy had mentioned Molly being back in town.
“Like I want a root canal,” Sid muttered before he could stop himself. He would’ve regretted it even if he hadn’t caught the flash of hurt on Andy’s face. Sometimes he missed being an asshole with no remorse.
They were always at Sid’s place. Sid knew Andy must’ve told his mom something, he just wasn’t positive if it was along the lines of, “So, I’m screwing the kid who used to blow up his toys next door” or what.
“I’m not good with parents,” Sid said. It was technically true in so much as he’d never actually met a previous partners’ parents. “Or sisters.”
Andy rolled his eyes, fond. “You’re selling yourself short, like always.”
He said it like he knew Sid better than anyone. Like they’d been dating two years rather than two months.
If Sid wanted to ruin things right now he could counteract that. Say Andy didn’t know him, that maybe he should mind his own business.
The thought made him physically ill.
Sid knew a lifetime of cutting himself off from romantic entanglements wasn’t going to fix itself in a couple of months, but sometimes he still hated the way his brain worked, how it wanted to pick at a scab until it bled.
Luckily for Sid, his heart kept stopping him. Luckily for Andy, he could see through Sid’s bullshit.
“This can’t end well,” Sid argued weakly, well aware he’d be giving in.
Andy stepped around the bar and into Sid’s space. It was after closing and he’d been helping him wrap up, having seen Sid’s band play for the first time earlier that night. It was another reason he was feeling so raw; all his layers were being exposed.
“They’ll love you,” Andy whispered, nosing his way up Sid’s neck, pressing kisses along his stubble. “I—”
He broke off, jolting slightly before pulling back.
His eyes were wide when they met Sid’s. Sid held his breath.
“You?” He prompted when Andy remained silent.
Andy bit his lip and dragged a hand through his hair. “Nothing.”
That just made his heart race faster. “Spit it out, Davis.”
Andy glared at him, before blurting, “If I tell you I love you, that maybe I’ve been in love with you since school, what’s to stop you from freaking out?”
Sid sensed what was coming yet he still hadn’t been prepared. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to curse. He wanted to deny the validity of it all.
But more than any of that, he wanted to prove Andy wrong. Wanted him to know that his heart was tripping in his chest right now.
So he tugged him in close and crushed their lips together, swallowing Andy’s startled gasp with his tongue.
“That would make me a hypocrite,” Sid said roughly as they broke apart, “considering that the feelin’s mutual.”
“Shit,” Andy whispered, before kissing him again.
Sid supposed he should buy a pair of pants without holes in them for this damn dinner.
______________________
Day 364
Andy woke him up with a blowjob on his birthday before climbing onto his saliva-slick dick and riding him like he was born to do it.
“Happy anniversary,” Andy said afterward, still panting.
“I think you mean birthday, genius.”
“Mmm,” Andy murmured into his skin, kissed his neck, shoulder. “Both.”
He never really thought about it. Andy was the one obsessed with anniversaries and numbers. Sid was just happy to no longer be internalizing and over-analyzing every little thing, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
He stretched his arms over his head. “You’re just saying that to get presents on my birthday. Ain’t happening, baby.”
“Yeah, well. You never did like to share your toys.”
They both laughed and then turned it into a kiss, slow and deep.
“You really count that first night at the bar?” Sid asked softly as he smoothed Andy’s bangs off his forehead. “I thought for a little while there that you might be on the rebound.”
Andy looked at him like he was a puzzle to solve, before his face cleared to his patent fondness. Sometimes it was all too much, Andy Davis with his bright eyes, earnest smile and happy-go-lucky disposition, coupled with just an edge of bitchiness that Sid adored.
“Not possible to be a rebound when you had been the first guy I ever liked.”
Sid’s stomach fluttered. Yeah, definitely all too much.
“Alright,” he sighed, “I suppose I could share just this once.”
Andy laughed, delighted, as Sid tackled him back into the pillows.
If Sid had his way, his birthday would double for their anniversary for the rest of their lives.
_______________
Day 365
They spent a good portion of the day in bed, just like this time last year. Except there was no chain smoking (he’d actually quit), no pacing, and no Andy leaving his bed only to meet up later, because they were in Andy’s house and date night was dinner and a movie in his living room.
He’d fixed the place up well. Sid remembered the outside from his garbage route and it looked a lot different now. He’d taken over his mom’s mortgage and for the majority of the past year that’s where they hung out. It was bigger than Sid’s apartment obviously, and nicer. Sid had started keeping his drum kit at Andy’s place, in the garage. Andy had made it into a space for him and his band to practice and Sid told himself it was more practical than domestic. Molly would come back on weekends or over the summer and they’d do things together like they were a family. Andy’s mom came back for Christmas and would look at Sid like she actually liked him, like she didn’t think this would all end in disaster.
Andy waited until they were curled on the couch and Sid was shoveling lo mein into his mouth before saying, “So um. Move in with me?”
Sid choked on the noodles.
Andy thumped his back until he coughed and then had the nerve to start laughing.
“Sorry,” he hiccuped. “Is that — is that a no?”
His words were light but his eyes betrayed his worry.
Sid opened his mouth and Andy cut him off. “You’re here all the time and you practice here, too, it’s just — it makes sense.
“Am I allowed to talk now or should I choke some more?”
Andy’s mouth snapped shut and Sid smirked.
“I don’t want to move in with you because it’s convenient.”
“That’s not—”
Sid held up a hand. “I know. I’m just stating that, for the record. I could care less about convenience. I want to move in with you because I’m in love with you.”
Andy gasped and Sid felt a little bad about that. He’d never actually said it. It had been clear as day reciprocated, that first time Andy confessed the words, but Sid didn’t come from an “I love you” family. He never had any “I love you” friends. It was foreign territory and, despite feeling it every minute of every day, he’d never actually gotten around to saying it until now.
“I love you,” he repeated for good measure, rolling the phrase around on his tongue. Andy’s blue eyes were shiny with unshed tears.
Then he was in Sid’s arms, hugging him tight. Sid’s heart swelled. He never realized how much he liked simple affection like this until Andy had been the one to give it.
He had no intention of letting go.
END