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“Connor, what d'ye think about when you're wanking?”
It was a warm, late spring night, and Murphy was lying on his back on top of the covers. He'd been staring at the moonlight where it splashed across the wall, illuminating Connor's rosary hung on its peg, and waiting for his lids to get heavy with sleep. But he hadn't even gotten drowsy in the past fifteen minutes, so he'd started thinking.
About various things at first; school, returning to their jobs at the gun shop, what people ate for breakfast in China – random, pointless things. Somehow, his brain got stuck on masturbation. He'd never discussed it with anyone else before, unless he was making crude jokes, and he suddenly wanted to know; what was it like for other blokes?
“Why?”
So Connor was awake. Murphy had thought so, by his twin's breathing, but hadn't been absolutely sure.
“I'm just curious.”
“Ye running out of ideas?” Connor half-mocked.
“Hardly.” Murphy heard his brother roll onto his back.
“What d'you think about?”
“I asked you first.”
“Well, I'm not gonna tell ye first.” Connor pushed the sheet down to his waist so he'd be slightly less warm.
“Fucker.” Murphy mumbled.
“That's right.” Connor snorted.
Murphy sighed and stared at the ceiling for a minute.
“What d'you think I think about?”
Connor sat up and hurled a pillow at his brother's head.
“Fucken idiot.”
Murphy caught the pillow when it hit him in the face. He grinned as he breathed in his twin's scent. This might help him sleep. He pushed his own pillow aside and nuzzled into Connor's.
Connor was waiting for Murphy to throw his pillow back. When he saw his twin cuddle into it, he frowned and lay back on his mattress, grimacing at the lack of neck support.
“I think ye think about sex.” Connor said at last. “With fellas.” He added in a slightly smaller voice.
Murphy opened his eyes to focus across the darkness. Connor had his hands behind his head and was gazing upwards.
“You're right.” By now, it shouldn't feel like he was admitting something shameful, but sometimes Murphy couldn't help a twinge of abnormal when speaking about his sexuality.
“Ye ever think about girls?” Connor asked.
Murphy pressed his face further into the pillow, absently running his fingers over its case.
“Sometimes in group situations.”
Connor smirked in approval.
“Ye ever think about food?”
“What, ye mean like whipped cream and shite like that?”
“Or a good corned beef sandwich.” Connor suggested, and they both broke into laughter.
“Ye fucken pervert.” Murphy giggled.
“Aye.”
Murphy watched his brother flip around in his bed, trying to get comfortable.
“Are ye gonna toss my fucken pillow back, Murph?” He asked after testing several positions.
“Don't think so.”
“Fucker.” Connor rolled over on his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows. “All right, ye nosy fucken horndog.” He exhaled grudgingly before rambling off options. “Fast cars. Famous actresses. Girls in short skirts. Girls in tight tops. More than one girl having sex with me. Girls having sex with other girls. Chocolate. Thunder storms. The smell of grass. Nutmeg. And once, the color orange, though I've no idea why.”
“What's nutmeg?” Murphy's lips were quirked in an impressed expression.
“It's a spice. Can I have my pillow back?”
“What kind of spice?”
“Dessert spice. Gimme my fucken pillow.”
“What's it taste like?”
“Fuck you, Murphy! If ye don't return that pillow right fucken now...” Connor threatened, his feet already on the carpet.
Murphy reached behind him and lifted his own pillow in the air, shook it tauntingly, then dropped it in the middle of the floor.
“Stupid fucken bastard.” Connor grumbled as he leaned down to scoop up the offering.
Murphy noticed that his brother's face was flushed pink. Had his twin really gotten that upset? He expected a blow of some kind in retaliation, but Connor hurriedly retreated to his bed, then deliberately settled down with his back to Murphy.
“Connor?”
“Fuck off.”
“What does nutmeg remind you of?” Murphy teased. He wouldn't be able to go to sleep until he'd made his brother laugh again.
Connor was quiet for a long time. Murphy wondered if he hadn't inadvertently said something to hurt his twin's feelings. He didn't understand it, as Connor certainly hadn't admitted to being turned on by anything too unusual, but his brother was prone to odd mood swings at times. Murphy was considering making a general apology when he heard Connor say, very softly;
“You.”
Murphy's chest and stomach clenched suddenly. Over the past several months, Connor had gotten so convincing at pretending there was nothing but brotherly love between them that Murphy sometimes forgot he wasn't the only one struggling with his desires.
“I used to think about you all the time when I was wanking.” Murphy didn't know if he was confessing to make his twin feel less self-conscious, or to unburden himself. “What your hands would feel like on me.”
“Not anymore, though?” Connor asked after a drawn-out pause.
“Now I know a lot more advanced things to think about.” Murphy couldn't resist admitting, and he was relieved when his brother chuckled quietly.
Silence saturated the room again, except for a pleasant breeze rustling the curtains. Murphy squeezed Connor's pillow and inhaled the faint smell of his twin. This would be a pretty nice thing to get carried away on, now that it'd occurred to him.
“I think about your shoulders sometimes, and your hips.” Connor abruptly acknowledged.
Murphy was a bit startled, but he wanted nothing more than for his twin to continue talking.
“I think about how long your legs are, and the way water beads on your back after you shower.” Murphy offered in encouragement.
“I think about your taste lingering on my lips after you kiss me, and how soft your hair is.” Connor sighed a little as he spoke.
Murphy didn't hear his brother shifting in his bed, but he certainly wouldn't have blamed him. His own cock was twitching eagerly at each new vision that drifted through his mind.
“I think about your tongue exploring me, and your hands touching me everywhere.” Murphy closed his eyes as his own hand ventured down his chest and over his stomach.
“I think about how amazing your mouth felt on my cock, and licking strawberry off your skin.” Connor's voice was still dreamy, but somewhat stronger than it had been before.
Murphy bit his lower lip and dug his fingers into the pillow as his other hand wandered under his waistband. He knew it was his turn to talk, but his brain was no longer cooperating.
“I think about...I think about...” He stammered as he gripped his growing erection.
“This?” Connor was suddenly standing beside his twin's bed. He took Murphy's face in his hands and leaned down to kiss him.
Murphy reached for him, and Connor climbed into the bed, on top of his brother. His fingers caressed Murphy's cheek as he nestled his hips in between his twin's thighs.
Murphy hissed appreciatively as their cocks made contact through the thin fabric of their boxer shorts. Connor cradled the back of his brother's neck and licked Murphy's lips before pushing his tongue into his twin's mouth. He pressed more forcefully against Murphy, grinding into him and making his brother pant and whimper.
Murphy clawed at his twin's shirt, roughly yanked it over Connor's head, then immediately tore his own tee off. The top had barely hit the floor when Murphy grabbed the elastic of his brother's shorts. He tugged at the band, trying to determine the quickest way to get rid of the offending barrier.
“I'll do it,” Connor said softly, gently prying Murphy's fingers away.
He stood on the mattress over his brother, his blue eyes shining intensely as he hooked his thumbs into his shorts and slowly slid them over his slim hips and past a heavenly stretch of thighs and calves. He stepped out of the boxers and straightened, so his twin could have an unobstructed view from below.
“Holy fucken hell.” Murphy breathed. It wasn't just an incredible turn-on to behold such exquisiteness. It was a fucking privilege.
Connor knelt on the bed, catching the hems of Murphy's shorts and pulling down. Murphy gasped quietly as his cock was freed from the fabric. It swelled even further, pulsing with need.
Once Connor had finished undressing his brother, he put his hands around Murphy's ankles, his fingers barely making contact. He inched up his twin's body, sliding his palms in a whispering touch that made Murphy squirm as he tried to swallow a pitiful whine.
When he got to his brother's chest, Connor pressed harder, rubbing and scratching lightly over Murphy's nipples. He straddled his twin's thighs and nipped at Murphy's lips and chin.
Murphy thought he might pass out or explode if he couldn't get some direct pressure on his cock soon. It was almost painful, the way it throbbed as Connor massaged his shoulders and licked his jaw line.
He grabbed at his brother's arms and tried to flip Connor underneath him so he could take the lead, but his twin wasn't having it. Connor settled more of his weight on Murphy, holding his brother down. He didn't say anything, but Murphy could feel him smiling as his twin sucked at his throat.
“Connor!” Murphy finally wailed. He was about to lose his mind.
“Not too loud,” Connor warned, his breath hot against his brother's flesh as he bit gently on Murphy's earlobe.
This was the first time they'd done anything like this when their mother was sleeping just down the hall. Murphy thought for a second he might panic, ruin everything, but a delightful shudder ran through him as Connor's tongue made contact with his clavicle, and he soon realized that he'd willingly take a bullet and the woman's wrath in exchange for this delicious experience.
Murphy rolled his hips upwards, and swore when Connor lifted himself so that their erect cocks almost brushed, but not quite.
“Stop fucken torturing me, ya bastard fucker!” Murphy tried for demanding; it came out desperate instead.
“Oh, it's not fun when I tease you, eh?” Connor kept his twin immobile by planting one hand in the middle of Murphy's chest. His other hand ventured down inwards of Murphy's hip, his fingers flitting tauntingly at the edges of his brother's pubic hair. “Maybe I should take my pillow and go back to bed.”
“I will fucken kill ye, I swear!” Murphy nearly yelled.
Connor clamped a hand over Murphy's mouth and one over his own, because he was shaking with suppressed laughter. Murphy sank his teeth into his brother's fingers until Connor flicked his hand away. The grin on his face transformed into a smoldering pout. He held Murphy in a lusty gaze. Playtime was over.
“Tell me what you want.”
Murphy almost cried out a hallelujah, but he forced himself to maintain some semblance of sanity.
“Touch me. Please.”
“Show me how.”
Murphy had to choke back a moan against the rush of heat that coursed through his body. He wrapped his hand around Connor's gorgeous cock and squeezed.
Connor's breath hitched at the contact, but he immediately took hold of Murphy's erection. Murphy shivered, then rubbed at the tip of his brother's cock with his thumb, moistening his digit with the fluid that was beading there and using it to lubricate Connor's shaft.
“Ah!” Murphy couldn't stop the sound when Connor mimicked his actions. His brother leaned over him, and Murphy thought it might be for another admonishment, but instead Connor kissed him deeply, pushing himself against his brother's grasp, urging him to continue.
Murphy began to stroke Connor steadily, gasping into his twin's mouth as Connor matched his pace. Connor opened his jaw wider, inviting his brother in, and sucked on Murphy's tongue. This stifled his twin's groans a bit, but only encouraged Murphy to quicken his fisting.
Murphy's unoccupied hand cupped his brother's arse, and a legitimate wave of dizziness passed through him at how firm and perfect it felt in his grip. He worked his twin's cock even harder, and Connor trembled, breathing heavier and heavier as he endeavored to muffle his pleasured moans, all the while still stroking his brother.
“Oh, Jesus. Oh, fuck,” Murphy panted, and though he was technically in control, he lost it first. He bit down hard on Connor's neck as he came, his semen spurting warm and fast between them and onto their stomachs.
The ecstasy jolting through him spurred him on, and he pumped his brother wildly, until Connor gasped and groaned and spasmed against him, his own seed spraying and pouring over Murphy's hand. Connor collapsed on top of his brother, allowing himself a quavering sigh as he held Murphy tightly.
When their breathing was approaching normal, Connor rolled over so that he and Murphy were side by side. He groped on the floor for a cleanup aid, and someone's tee shirt soon soaked up much stickiness and sweat.
Murphy reached over and put an arm around his brother's waist. Connor turned toward him, shifting further into his twin's embrace. He tenderly touched Murphy's face and lightly brushed his lips against his brother's before resting his head on their shared pillow and closing his eyes.
They slept for a time, but Murphy awoke a few hours later. He observed his brother dozing, the love and satisfaction in his chest fighting against the subtle swirl of dread in his gut. He gently traced the elaborate Celtic cross his brother had tattooed on his left forearm, the one that matched the cross on Murphy's right arm. Birthday presents from Cousin Tristan. One more way they were bound together for now and always.
The corners of Connor's mouth curled upwards a bit at the soft sensation of his twin's roaming touch.
After a few more loops of his fingers, Murphy broke the silence.
“Connor?”
“Mmm?”
“Let's not do the morning after thing anymore, all right?”
“Hmm?”
Murphy stopped his outlining and entwined his fingers with his brother's.
“Ye know, if, say...” he exhaled heavily, “...when ye wake up tomorrow, you decide that you've made another mistake...”
Connor fluttered his eyelids just a peek, looking downwards.
“...and we have to go back to pretending we don't feel the way we do about each other...”
Connor's eyes opened completely, and he watched as Murphy bit his lower lip nervously and rubbed the back of Connor's hand with his thumb.
“...let's just not talk about it, okay?” Murphy met his gaze now, his own grey-blues searching Connor's face uncertainly.
Connor looked at his twin, and he wanted to tell Murphy that it didn't matter anymore what God or anyone else thought, because he knew in his soul that this was right. He wanted to state unequivocally that he wasn't afraid anymore, because nothing could be punishable about the closeness they'd just shared. He wanted to boldly declare that all his confusion was gone, because everything became absolutely clear when he felt Murphy's heart beating against him, and he let himself notice the pure affection in his brother's every glance.
He wanted so much to proclaim all of these things, but most of all, he wanted to speak the truth.
So he said;
“Okay.”
~End~