Chapter Text
"She is so beautiful, Alec."
The blond woman speaks with a soft voice. There is a hint of pain and concern in it, though.
"Yeah, she really is."
Alec lingers at looking down at the little girl sleeping in his bed, while Lydia has turned her head to look intently at him. They speak at a low volume to not disturb the child’s slumber.
"You already love her, don't you?"
"Of course, I do. She is my... daughter, now. And she could have been yours too."
"I know, and I would be ok with that, you can be assured about my intentions, even if this,” and she gestures to the young body cozily wrapped in a warm blanket, without any annoyance in her tone, “isn't exactly what I was expecting Alec. You should… you could have told me. But I understand, and it's ok. Really. In fact, our plans don't have to change, you know? If only you could agree with..."
"NO!" Alec growls at her.
Lydia stiffens, but it lasts just a moment, then her stance softens again. She is an Alpha after all, Alec's Alpha allegedly, and he sounded rather threatening. It seems as if he has gone all overprotective and defensive, since he came back from Wales.
“Calm down, Alec. I’m just worried for you.”
The man sighs and bows his head a little. Luckily Gwyneth hasn’t woken up because of his outburst. She is really exhausted, after all that happened to her.
“I know, I’m sorry but...”
“It’s your body. Alec, I get it. Not completely, because I… Well, I have never had to worry about that. But, if you surrender to the Clave’s will, we could bring Gwyneth up, rightfully as her parents and you could lead this Institute with me. It’s a big deal Alec, it’s how it was supposed to be, how can’t you see that?”
Lydia doesn’t want to argue with him, she really would prefer just to be able to support him, unconditionally. Yet, she is so worried and shocked by his decision.
Alec’s eyes are so deep and beautiful. Yet, there is something in there that Lydia can’t really get.
He sighs and it’s not because he nurtures any doubt about his choice, but because he is sorry for Lydia.
“I know, but how can I get rid of such an important part of myself? Now that I know what it means. I promised Lugh and it’s not fair to keep accepting such a useless and cruel violation of our physical integrity. I don’t expect that you fully understand me, Lydia, it’s ok. But, believe me, it would be too great a sacrifice. Why should I give up on my body, my needs, my potentialities, my instinct? Lugh made my eyes finally open; I’ve been lied to, all my life… I’m just sorry that my decision is going to affect you too, Alpha.”
She briefly smiles; she likes when Alec calls her like that, it’s kind of endearing. But then she shrugs.
“Me? I’ll be the Head of this Institute either way, with or without you by my side. By the Angel Alec, you risk being deruned and abandoned to yourself out there, with her to be taken care of. How are you two supposed to survive, all by yourselves?”
“I don’t know. But I have to fight, to stand up for myself, and for Gwyneth too. This is ridiculous. I am the same man I was before I left for my training in Swansea, I am a warrior, I am damn well trained, I can fight, and surely, I can be a dad and a leader at the same time.”
“I know… you’re right. And, for what it matters, I’ll be with you all along the way, even if we don’t get married. I care about you Alec, you know that.”
“I know. Lydia, I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be, it’s quite alright. You’re strong Alec, and passionate; you remind me of John, so much. He was incredibly strong too.”
A shadow of grief passes through her eyes. John was her husband, her mate, her Omega, and she still loves him, even if he’s gone for two years now.
“It’s so unreasonable. I know what I am capable of, and I bet John was incredible. If you have met Lugh, you would understand me even better. He was so proud of who he was, and he loved her so much. I want to be as proud and unapologetic as he was. I owe him that much and I want to be such a model for my daughter.”
Lydia reaches out and squeezes Alec’s shoulder.
She is stunned by the strength of her soon-to-be ex-fiancé, since they are probably about to be forced to break their engagement. The Clave’s wrath will befall Alec and Lydia doesn’t know how to protect him. Her instinct tells her to take care of him and of his child too, but Alec is so sure, so unremovable about his choice. There isn’t much she can do about that, if not being amazed by the young, tall, handsome, incredible Omega in front of her. She would have been happy to marry him, even if their arrangements would have stayed platonic; she knows Alec doesn’t like women. And Lydia? Well, she is an Alpha woman, so she can’t have children; her body isn’t made for that and she doesn’t even have ruts. She was brought up to be a leader, a strategist and a shrewd diplomat. Emotions and feelings affect judgment, she knows that, but Alec would have helped her stay in touch with a softer, precious part of herself. They could have been parents, partners and friends. That, friends, they already are.
Feeling utterly hopeless, she leaves the room and lets the guard lock the door behind her again.
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After Lydia has gone, Alec keeps staring at the girl, still peacefully asleep, unaware about her future being at stake. She needs to sleep and recover. Her life has turned upside down in the span of a few months and now she has been uprooted from her house, her country, her people.
Gwyneth Lleuadilachar.
She is truly beautiful, a little angel, with her black, thick, and long hair, her pale, almost ethereal skin and her eyes, so much like Alec’s. Big, hazel with some green and bronze specks which are more evident in the sunlight. She is ten years old, and she is the most adorable and the smartest child in the world. Alec calls her Gwyn, as an endearment and as her father used to. Besides, her family name means Bright Moon and Gwyn means White. So, it’s just a perfect name for her.
Now her name is Gwyneth Lightwood, though. Alec adopted her, legally, against his siblings’ advice and against common sense too, to be honest. His parents were furious when he showed up at the New York Institute’s door with a child by his hand. Another little Omega living at the New York Institute? As if Alec himself wasn’t enough. Maryse was particularly upset.
Alec was her failure, right? She wasn’t supposed to give birth to an Omega. It was such a rare event in the Shadow World. Her husband and Alpha, Robert Lightwood, had been disappointed with her for years. After the shame of Alec’s birth, she gave birth to a Beta, Isabelle; then, finally Max was born. He presented as an Alpha just a few months earlier and Maryse let out a sigh of relief. Her nightmare lasted a little more than 18 years and her life was miserable and lonely.
Truth is that she had been taking all his frustration out on his children, until they grew up and learnt how to ignore her, as their father usually did. Isabelle is beautiful and charismatic, and she could be a perfect Head, to take her father's place, but she isn't an Alpha, and so she spends her time training, patrolling and hunting Demons, but also clubbing and fooling around, jumping from bed to bed, even with lewd Downwolders or weak mundanes. Maryse couldn’t stand such reckless behavior. And Jace was no exception, another useless Beta who could never make a career out of it.
But at least he wasn't her son; indeed, Robert had agreed to adopt him just because he was a Beta. He wouldn't accept another Alpha into his family that wasn't his own blood. And then there was Alec. Her biggest disappointment. Yet, he is a great fighter, he has innate leadership skills, he is well accepted at the Institute and his siblings adore him. Even his father eventually got to tolerate him, especially since Max was born and he put all his hopes in him being an Alpha. But Maryse couldn't still stand the mere sight of Alec. He is a genetic error, a mistake of nature, something broken, incomplete. A Beta like her and an Alpha were not supposed to engender an abomination like him. She knows that every now and then it still happens among Nephilim, for some bizarre genetic issue. But because it had to happen to her? That is the reason why it is so important that Omegas like Alec must be prevented from having children, not to pass on their corrupted genes.
As soon as he got back to New York, he told his mother that he was not going to undergo the hysterectomy he was supposed to get, that he had adopted an orphan Omega child and that he was about to call off the engagement with Lydia, to protect her. Maryse slapped him in the face, hard, and looked at him with such hatred and disgust. Alec still shivers at that very thought of her eyes. Afterwards, she made him be arrested and locked up in his room, together with the little Omega.
Robert had limited himself to a laconic:
"We'll see Alec. You can't decide for yourself. It's something bigger than you, the future of the Nephilim, of our people, is at stake here."
Admittedly, the Nephilim had put a lot of energy into eradicating those genes that would lead to the birth of Omegas, through a careful, almost paranoid selection of matings. While mundanes were practically all Betas, and Alphas and Omegas just rare occurrences, in their society there weren’t differences between second gender roles anymore. The world had evolved, apparently. People are no longer judged or discriminated against based on their primary or secondary gender. Mostly. They live their own lives, get married, have children, sit down to their careers or interests. Alpha women who are sterile by conformation freely resorted to surrogacy methods or adoption. The mundane laws had been modernized and adapted to the social changes. Sure, there still were some extremist or omegaphobic streaks running through society, but it was very little compared to the progress actually made. Well, it’s clear that Shadowhunters just skipped that progress. Completely.
The few Omegas that still dared to be born had only one path ahead. Serve the Clave. The same path any Shadowhunters had to follow. But they usually were sent back to Idris and work for the Clave there. Rarely they were allowed to stay at their Institute, if they were particularly skilled fighters. Anyway, it was still mandatory for every Omega to undergo a surgery to eliminate any inconvenience from their body. Their wombs, to be precise. Thus, there would be no unnecessary risks of getting pregnant and increasing the chances of giving birth to further Omegas. There was no law however that prohibited an unmarried Omega from adopting. On the other hand, Idris was filled with barren Omegas that fell back on raising the children of other Shadowhunters who had fallen in battle. It was a very common attitude, and it suits the Clave’s interest as well.
Alec had known for a long time that this would be his fate. But he was a lucky one. He was supposed to marry the future Head of the New York Institute and help her in her duty. Lydia is a strong and unconventional woman and it was her who wanted him by her side. Both Lightwoods and Branwells were respected families, and the Clave made no objection about her wish.
Before he left, Alec’s fate was clear in front of him, and he was ok with that. Not happy, but ok. He had to fulfill his duty, right? He has been a thorn in his mother’s flesh for years and now he could make her proud of him, even if in a different way.
Then everything fell apart. His parents sent him to Swansea to train. He would have joined the Alpha in charge there for 6 months, learning what his role would be, what he was supposed to do to be useful alongside Lydia. After 6 months he would come back, and he would turn 19 and get his surgery. They had to wait until his physical development was set in full. In the past, many Omegas had gone insane from being sterilized too soon. An abominable practice that had been changed over time, to allow Omegean bodies to reach its hormonal balance.
In Wales Alec became close friends with Lugh. He was amazing and he taught Alec so many things: self-love, respect for his own body, what a real family should be, what a love of a father should entail. Lugh, an Omega whose body had been violated more than ten years earlier, by an Alpha, a rogue Shadowhunter in the ranks of the Circle. He was only 16 and he got pregnant. The Head of the Institute felt guilty about what happened under his watch and agreed to let him and his daughter keep living at the Institute. It was unprecedented, but the Head took full responsibility for Lugh and his child. Nonetheless, when he turned 19 he got the surgery and since then, he was miserable about what he had agreed to undergo. He told Alec that it was like a part of him had been desecrated first and then stolen. He had accepted it for Gwyn’s sake. But he confessed to Alec it was horrible to keep living, knowing how his life could have been. How it feels to have another life grow inside you.
Alec and Lugh were relaxing outside, in one of the courtyards of the castle. The Swansea Institute premises were in a fucking castle. To the World it seemed only a ruin, decadent and uninhabited; but to those with the Sight, it looked magnificent and full of life. Alec had a hard time to believe his eyes when he arrived there for his mandatory training period abroad; it was so different from New York, but after a few weeks he began to love the place and to become very fond of the people there. They were different, more open, more rustic somehow and easy to get along with. In his time there, Alec felt as if he didn’t need to prove his value as an Omega Shadowhunter, they didn’t care about one’s gender. Courage, loyalty, devotion, determination were important to them. And their family and their people of course.
Obviously, the Law was the Law, the same hard and obsolete Law even in Wales, so the few Omega Nephilim who were born there, had to suffer from the same destiny as Omegas from all around the World and had to accept the barbaric medical procedure to be done. But Alec could say that the common feeling at the Swansea Institute was different, and it was evident that Omegas were treated exactly the same as their fellow Betas. No Omega Shadowhunter from Swansea has ever been forced to go to Idris to work in a squalid office, where they would be underpaid, underestimated, without the possibility of having a real family, because no one would ever want them. Working almost free for the Clave as a B-class Shadowhunter. They were not good for fighting, not good for leading, not good for churning out children, as it was in the past in the mundane society, before the Omega Pride Movements came to the recognition of self-determination for every gender.
Lugh was an extraordinary Omega; he was fun, clever, reliable, an amazing father, a tough and skilled fighter. He and Alec bonded fast and deep. Alec had been that close only to his siblings. And he adored Gwyn. So, the two men were relaxing in the late afternoon, sitting on a log and having a beer. Gwyn was playing by the fire with a branch. He was imitating a fight, she was just reproducing what she was used to seeing in the Institute's training room every day. For her being so small, she already moved incredibly well.
It was almost dinner time, but it was a quiet day and they both had the evening off. Alec was peaceful as he was looking at the fire and then the girl made a really cool move, catching his attention.
He snorted.
"She's really amazing. She will be a great hunter, a true badass; she reminds me of my sister."
He was smirking thinking of Izzie.
Lugh frowned and Alec noticed it. It was strange to explain, but they understood each other incredibly well and Alec immediately sensed that something was off with him.
"Hey, what's up, did I say something wrong?"
"No, no. Sometimes I wonder if she inherited some traits from the Alpha that ..."
His voice broke.
"No, Lugh, there's nothing wrong with her. That monster made some bad choices and I'm glad he's dead. She's great and you're raising her to be as strong and independent as you are. She'll become a fierce warrior, I can see a lot of you in her…"
"Thanks Alec, your words mean a lot. My hope for her is that maybe in 10 years things will have changed and she won't have to give up becoming a mom if she wants to. It's such a terrible thing. What they did to me, it wasn't for my own good, as they keep telling us. It's just an old prejudice. It's not true that our ability to fight or make decisions in battle is incapacitated by our physiology. These are old-fashioned ideas. Okay, we have our heat twice a year, but it doesn't seem like a good reason to force us to accept something so definitive, so horrible. I don’t want that for her, what should I do?"
Alec thought about his friends’ words briefly. But he didn’t have an answer.
"I don't know, Lugh. They always told me that I would have to go through that, in order to be allowed to stay at the Institute in New York, and I have accepted it for a long time. The few heats I had were not so terrible to bear. They gave me a few pills to keep the symptoms at bay and I stayed in my room, sleeping all the time. It seems to me a waste of time, really, lying there, unable to do anything. I thought it wouldn’t be that bad… you know, being freed from that."
"Well, that's normal, they were your first heats and moreover without any Alpha nearby, so they were quite light and endurable. When is your surgery scheduled?"
"As soon as I get back to NY, in 3 months."
Lugh nodded, but his face was still tense. He was quite beautiful; He and Alec were very much alike, they could almost be mistaken for brothers and the affection that bound them was indeed very brotherly. Perhaps it was because Alec had never had another Omega close to him, to share his thoughts, his feelings. And it was nice to find someone so special.
"Alec, just think about it, don't make the same mistake I made. I know it may sound weird, but even if I was raped and my pregnancy was, well, unexpected, Gwyn is the most incredible thing that happened to me. I can't even imagine my life without her. But then, the Clave stole a part of me for no reason. Giving up the possibility of having children... it's not their decision to make. Your body is yours, and you should decide for yourself."
"I really don't know how I could back out, though. I want to stay at the Institute, with my siblings, and Lydia."
"Yeah, I don't know either. At least, you told me that your Alpha is a good person. I always preferred to be on my own. I don’t want to depend on an Alpha to keep fighting or to raise my child."
They kept looking at Gwyn, appreciating her childish light-heartedness, her absolute trust in the World and in the adults around her, Shadowhunters like her, utterly and sadly unaware that everything would be harder and more painful for her. Her only fault? Being an Omega.
And then… the attack. The Swansea Institute was attacked again and this time Alec and Lugh fought side by side to keep Gwyn safe, but… he died in his arms. Before taking his last breath, he asked him to take care of his daughter. Alec couldn’t refuse. It was the will of a man on the verge of death, after all. Nobody at the Institute was opposed to Gwyn going back to New York with Alec in a couple of months. The Head of the Institute, a nice and understanding Alpha woman, took care of all the arrangements for Alec to adopt Gwyn in a very short time. Alec made another promise to Lugh, though.
Alec was kneeling with his head in his lap, as he kept nodding, crying silently and stroking his friend’s cheek.
“Of course Lugh, don’t worry, if you want me to take care of her, I’ll be honored to do that. I swear I’ll keep her safe.”
After being assured that Alec would have taken care of his daughter at any cost, Lugh still wanted to say something, but he was so weak. So Alec put his ear to his mouth.
The strain in his feeble voice was heartbreaking.
"Promise me... promise you won't get the surgery, Alec, promise that you will be free, that you will fight for you and for Gwyn. Please, promise me."
And Alec, with his eyes full of tears, promised.
And now he won’t break that promise.
If he had to live as a mundane, he would. He would leave the Institute, his family and find a job somewhere; maybe he and Gwyn could go back to Wales, where he knew they would be welcome, even if he got his runes burned away by the Clave.
But for now, he has a trial to face, a trial where the most bigoted race in the World would decide his and his daughter’s fate. He had a choice to make. He could get the surgery, marry Lydia, and keep being the loyal, strong, reliable Shadowhunter he has always been. Or he would be forced to leave, at best. Alec had already chosen, and no one could make him change his mind. No one.
At that moment his phone vibrates on his nightstand. Inexplicably, the guards didn’t take it from him and so his siblings have kept updating him on the incoming trial. Perhaps he was more popular than he thought among his fellow Shadowhunters. But this time the screen shows an unknown number.
Not knowing who may be on the other side of the line, Alec answers the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Alexander.”