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Cypher was truly broken beneath the chicanery that was his cracking facade. A sad man, really.
As Sova entered the kitchen Cypher waned, shrinking into himself and clutching his cold cup of tea closer. Cypher knew he looked too brittle to put on a laugh for Sova. Every time without fail, no matter how many witty remarks he could dish out, Sova always seemed to read between the lines when it came to Cypher. There was no banter between them, just Sova's unrelenting straightforwardness. It stripped Cypher of control.
Regardless of this, Cypher feigned a smile and tried, "I didn't know you'd be up this early, my friend."
Sova did not react. The warmth from Cypher's face drained. From Cypher's perspective, Sova was an uncaring bastard who wouldn't care less if Cypher was left in a ditch to die.
Maybe that was Cypher's overactive mind, maybe that was just the truth. Cypher wouldn't have known then.
Cypher watched as Sova strode to the counterspace where the keurig rested, an almost broken appliance with how much use it saw on the daily. Everyone kept pestering Brimstone to replace it, but he stubbornly reassured that the keurig isn't broken-broken, so it's fine. It was entertaining watching Raze rattle the machine frustratedly, her with all of those destructive, clumsy tendancies. Sova, on the other hand, handled the machine with patience, steady hands moving fluidly to place the cup in place, gently pressing a button, just one.
Whereas the rest of the Protocol were a colorful cast of characters, Sova rarely complicated anything. He was a simple man, easy to figure out.
Aside from his emotions.
"What flavor today, Sova?" Cypher tried again weakly, looking down into his own cup and considering joining Sova in drinking coffee.
Sova simply shot a glance over his shoulder, eyes half-lidded and disinterested. He turned back, opening the keurig to dispense of the used keurig cup as it finished brewing his coffee. "I have somewhere to be."
Cypher furrowed his brows. "You have somewhere to be at 3 am?"
"Brimstone wants to meet with me," Sova said, tone rising in volume in the way that indicated irritation, that he didn't want to talk, that he was bothered. At least, that's what Cypher's mind concluded, to which he wasn't sure if this was actually true. "We have many things to discuss. One of which being the recent happenings."
Recent happenings.
Cypher blanched.
Blackmailer. The blackmailer he couldn't track down.
"He wants to talk to you?" Cypher said, hurt that Brimstone wouldn't call upon Cypher like this, that Cypher was relegated to email exchanges. Cypher felt a pang of hurt at this. He felt forgotten.
"Da." Sova moved to the pantry to grab an unopened loaf of bread, those same steady hands removing the twist-tie carefully, slowly. Sova's fingers were long, meticulous. Even the simple motions like handling a butter knife, the way his pointer finger extended down the blade caught Cypher's mind on fire.
Wait, why am I thinking like this?
"Well," Cypher sat up straight and cracked his spine, yawning and moving hair from his eyes, "it's no suprise. You are reliable, a true stability within this organization. Your combat stats are impressive, as is your specialty. If Brimstone wants to recruit anyone to handle the blackmailer with certainty that we will be free from his trouble, it's you."
This was the first time Sova made eye contact with Cypher, and it was full on annoyance he read off of Sova's face.
Or, was it? Cypher was never truly good at determining others' emotions, especially when he himself did not feel well mentally.
"Cypher," Sova said, working butter onto the toast in his hand, "have you slept?"
He did not expect this. Cypher felt his vision narrowing from the anxiety. He felt seen.
Many things ran through his mind. For one, why does Sova suddenly care? It seemed off. It's not like they're even friends. It's a wonder they're speaking now. Cypher swallowed thickly, avoiding Sova's gaze and drawing patterns into the side of his mug. It took everything not to get up and leave abruptly, but what good would that do?
"Your eyes are sunken and dark. I can tell you have no slept, Cypher."
Cypher's eyes snapped up again, finding Sova still staring at him. Upon a second observation, Sova's expression was not one of annoyance but one of concern.
Cypher offered nothing but a shrug and a sigh, and with that sigh the ruse was up.
"You haven't, then." Sova sighed and set down his toast, pulling out another two slices to put into the toaster. The sound of the pop startled the shorter man, causing him to nearly drop his mug. Next thing Cypher knew, Sova came to the kitchen's island with two plates, and Sova was shoving one towards Cypher.
This may have been the first kind thing Sova has ever done for Cypher directly, aside from complimenting him once on a mission to Haven.
Cypher stared down at the plate. "What? No, I ate, but thank you," Cypher lied, shoving the plate away, only for it to be stopped by Sova.
"Among many things I am, a scout, an interrogator, I am someone who notices the minute things. I can tell you are lying, Cypher, I can see through your facade." Sova's gaze held Cypher's, and underneath his vision he could see Sova scoot the plate back again. "I am going to Brimstone to discuss the methods in which we will apprehend the blackmailer, and I had you in mind. I want you involved. However, I have spoken to Sage with concern about your wellness and she has told me you have not taken care of yourself recently."
Cypher's jaw clenched and his fist balled. Sage promised him that his struggles would not be disclosed to anyone other than Brimstone himself. He felt betrayed.
But Sova reached a hand over, draping it over Cypher's own, warm and steady and grounding. There went Cypher's mind again, ditching the anxiety and anger for focusing on the assuring hand of another.
"Cypher, I would like to request your help in extinguishing this threat, but I cannot have you if you will not take care of yourself. Besides," Sova sighed, looking down, "if you won't, Sage will have to place you on medical leave."
A pang of anxiety shot through Cypher's core. Medical leave? Sage never told him this to his face, so this had to be something that Sova prodded out of Sage.
Cypher felt so useless and broken.
"I don't-" Cypher clamped his mouth shut and stared at the toast. Well, he hasn't eaten properly in a bit, burying himself in the work that amounted to tracking this blackmailer down. Days and days shoved away in his workspace, tangled in wires and surrounded by monitors, emails, programs, contacts, tireless hours of sluething for clues, detective work that resulted in little to no sleep and practically no good meals.
Sova forced his fingers to tangle with Cypher's and it sent electricity through Cypher's veins. He was sure it wasn't with any romantic intent given Sova was a family man, a comforting, steady presence. If anything, this intimacy was due to Sova's soft side that Cypher would often hear whenever Sova talked to his drone. It was cute.
"Cypher?" The way Sova kept saying his name made his head spin. He felt recognized, seen, cared for. Cypher's throat was dry, clenching, his face heating up as tears threatened to fall.
For some reason he wanted out just as much as he wanted more.
"Huh?" Cypher looked up and met Sova's half-lidded gaze trained on Cypher's hands. Sova smoothed a thumb over the back of Cypher's hand and examined the nics and cuts that working hands tended to have. Nails bitten down to the nub, a bad habit. A scar in the middle of his palm that came from an enemy of Cypher's who thrust a knife through his hand to keep him in place, a day he almost met death.
Sova's eyes snapped back up to meet Cypher's with determination. "Should I sit with you each morning to make sure you eat? I can make you meals, if you'd like," Sova offered in a low tone.
Cypher felt his mind retreating back into guilt again. "You don't have to."
"But I want to." Sova squeezed Cypher's hand.
Suddenly the air shifted and Cypher no longer felt this was an ordinary display of concern. This was a determination he didn't even see out of Sage. This was a man committed to something, and with the way Sova's brows drew together it was clearer and clearer by the minute.
Oh.
Oh, oh.
Sova looked like he was ready to explode. It was like both of their facades were coming down at the same time. Cypher's expression contorted as he saw Sova's loosen further and further by the minute, face ridden with drowsy adoration.
Adoration? Were Sova's eyes darting over all of Cypher's features or was Cypher's whipped mind filling in the blanks? What was happening?
"I'm sorry, Cypher."
"Sorry for what?" Cypher murmured.
Sova's posture straightened and air exploded from his lips, "I'm sorry if I have seemed short with you so far, in our time working together, I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel insignificant, I'm sorry if I've ever came across as rude, I just," Sova shook his head and gripped his own hair with his other hand, wildly searching the granite countertop for more words to say but failing.
"What... what?" Cypher, caught off guard, watched the taller man fall apart in front of him. All this time, the cold shoulder, all for this?
"I feel responsible." Sova dropped his other hand to grip the hand Sova was already holding, shaking it for forgiveness. "If I have ever made you feel insignificant, I am sorry. I truly do admire you and it does not reflect in my behavior.
"I see the way you are when we are sent on operations. You are cheeky with your words but your body language tells a completely story. The way you curse to yourself under your breath when you underperform, the way you berate yourself and think no one hears. I hear. And I feel as though I have contributed to it, that we all have, by our remarks. After some thinking I have come to the conclusion that I was inconsiderate."
What was this? Cypher caught a glimpse of the timer on the stove reading out that it was 03:35. It was quite early for anyone to be up right now except for Viper who could reasonably walk in any moment, so Cypher pieced together that Sova was able to be this transparent out in the open simply because no one would be around.
It was sudden.
"Cypher."
Sova sighed and sent his hand glidng up Cypher's wrist, sending butterflies rampant in Cypher's core. The touch was steady and grounding. His hands were calloused. His grip was sickening. The static was overwhelming.
"I don't know how to say this, Cypher."
Cypher felt drunk looking at Sova. He felt like he was going to wake up and none of the dream-like moment they were trapped in would be real. "You don't know how to say what?"
"I-" Sova choked and closed his eyes. It was at this moment that Sova was completely broken open, Cypher could see it, and he could no longer feign disinterest. "I love you."
Love?
Sova nervously huffed and opened his eyes again, squinting. "I love and care about you. I see the way you need someone and I want to be that someone." That hand riding up Cypher's forearm landed on Cypher's shoulder. "I wanted to hold you for so long."
"Did you?" Cypher breathlessly offered, and it wasn't much. He felt speechless.
Sova nodded. Cypher felt so many things at once that he began to short circuit. A confession born out of a chance encounter at 03:37.
Their porcelain egos lay shattered on the floor.
And the silence hung all around them making Cypher feel claustrophobic. All he could do really was study Sova's eyes, one so brown and warm and the other glowing softly blue.
In the darkness of the kitchen illuminated only by the ambient lights of various appliances giving off a blue haze, Cypher could see everything. Every feature of Sova's face. The scar, the story behind Sova's lost eye, how Brimstone blames himself for it. The shadow of a beard Sova refuses to grow. The thick brows contorted in concern, anxiety, adoration all rolled up into one. Cypher could tell Sova was sickened thinking about this confession for weeks, if Cypher had to guess.
Sova looked ready to hurl.
"Luchik," Sova choked out desperately in his own language, suddenly, letting go of Cypher enterly and learning back. "Skazhi mne chto-nibud'. Pozhaluysta."
Cypher didn't understand but caught the emotions behind Sova's words. He rushed to grab Sova's hand back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go so quiet. It is very early. I am a wreck."
Again with the silence. The two of them shared it this time as they were lost in their own thoughts. Cypher saw how Sova refused to look back up and had the morbid thoughts of neural theft just to know what was going on up there, but he knew his gadgets used on a living person would cause excrusiating amounts of pain.
Cypher shook this thought as quickly as it came.
Eventually, Cypher found himself mindlessly, aimlessly, drawing shapes in Sova's hands. The same way he did his own mug, he now realized he wanted to do this for so long.
"Your food is getting cold," Sova mentioned, looking over at the pathetic toast that was probably too gross to eat now. He then looked back up at Cypher, Cypher feeling confident enough to meet his gaze again. "I could make you something better."
Cypher swallowed thickly at the thought of having to consume a bigger meal knowing his stomach would suffer after days of inadequate eating habits. He could see Sova straight his posture.
"I can make something small to start," Sova said.
Cypher couldn't smile but he would if he could. Instead, he nodded.
"Eggs? Good for you." Sova snaked his hands from Cypher's and stood.
"Scrambled." Cypher put his chin in his hands and watched as Sova got to work.
"I like to put lemon pepper in, is that okay, luchik?"
Cypher wanted to ask what that word luchik meant, but decided to gloss over it. "That's fine."
"Okay."
—
Sova waited so long to call him luchik. So, so long.
And he meant it, too.
Even if Cypher couldn't see it himself, Sova saw how brightly Cypher shined through his cracks.