Chapter Text
He looked at you like he never had expected you to return, like he was seeing a ghost. And had you expected it either? To return to Liyue in one piece. You had fought tooth and nail to do so, to be able to trudge your way back to Wangshu inn, a place that once was so familiar that had turned into just a memory.
But there it was, there he was. Just as breathtaking as he’d always been, and you couldn’t help it. All the toll of the time you’d been gone, the worry, the desperation, it clawed at you more violent than the rifthounds you’d fought. And before you knew it you had sprung forward, grasping onto the man who had unknowingly been your anchor since you’d been gone.
Xiao was stiff, it’s clear in the way he freezes up against you, like he’s scared any movement will shatter the moment or you. He hadn’t moved the second you’d called out to him and he’d turned around, staring at you in what was probably shock. It hadn’t even looked like he was breathing, and for a second you regret winding your arms around him so freely, worried you’ve pushed a bit too far.
The first time you’ve seen him after so long, you’ve broken one of the many unspoken rules in your relationship that had just made sense. But just before you can move your arms away with a soft apology at your lips, there are tentative hands at your waist and you’re the one now frozen.
For a moment they hover gently and your breath catches in your throat, then sharp yellow eyes meet yours in a silent question. So much you can’t read is in them, and you’ve never seen so much emotion in them in the first place. But this was real, he was real, solid in your arms, and no longer just a faint memory of the past.
And it seems to register to both of you in that moment, and understanding passed between you.
Because you don’t move away, he doesn’t fade, you’re both present and together. And finally, after what felt like a millennium, he presses his hands into you so gently. And you could cry, you should, because that action no matter how small grounds you and for the first time you feel whole, complete.
And Xiao, he looks at you like he’s convinced this moment isn’t real. It hurts, the way his hands tremble against your sides, and he hasn’t blinked, like doing so would cause this moment to break.
And it occurs to you that as much as you had been aching for him, fighting your way to return to him, he had been unaware. That when your week long mission had turned into months, and months into a year, he hadn’t known. No one had known what had happened, not even the guild. And your heart cracks.
“Xiao-” Your heart is in your throat as you search for what to say. “I’m here.” It’s all you can say, even if it’s just a simple reassurance. “I’m back- I made it.” You know you look different, you’ve been through hell, that no one had expected you to return but, “ I’m right here.”
But it seems to be enough for him, because the next thing you know his head is pushing into your neck, arms wrapping around you to clutch desperately to the fabric on your back. And he’s squeezing, and for as gentle and careful he always is with you right now there are no remnants of that Adeptus. The air is knocked out of you from the grip, the wounds you’ve accumulated scream at you, and your bones grind against each other. And it is so, so good.
You’d like to say you didn’t understand why he was clutching onto you like this, why he was gripping so tight you were sure you might bruise. But you couldn’t, and it was almost bittersweet that this was the first time he’d ever let go of his restraint. But you couldn’t say you didn’t get it.
No, not when you had been gone a year on the toughest mission of your life only to return with bandages and a multitude of new scars to your body. When there were more than a few instances you were sure you’d never be able to bask in his presence again. It was inevitable that the first time you would embrace would be tainted with the whisper of old wounds and potent with regret.
And his voice rough, woven with so many emotions you couldn’t even catch one finally spoke, “Why didn’t you call my name?”
And that was the straw that broke the camel's back, suddenly you were clutching at him just as tight as he was knotting his fists in your clothes. You clawed into him, shaking with effort as you found your spot against him, holding onto him just as tight as he was to you. You were glad he was an Adeptus for any mortal would’ve buckled under the pressure of your embrace, but he holds you steady, supporting the both of you with his strength.
The mark of your first embrace would remain on your skin as evidence for days, a desperation painted by bruises. For as sweet as it was to finally hold him in your arms it hurt something fierce. Never had you imagined it to have gone this way.
“I’m sorry.” You whispered, voice thick with tears not yet shed. “I couldn’t- your deuties- your oath.” You felt the weight of your own words begin to bear down on you. “I know how important it is to you. I couldn’t.”
And that was it wasn’t it? Why you’d both been stuck in song and dance, close enough to allow emotions to grow but distant enough for them not to take root. Because Xiao had his oath to protect Liyue, and you had your travels as an adventurer, both things you were endlessly dedicated to. So you had both chosen to walk that fine line, toeing between becoming something more and indulging yourselves, and remaining steadfast in your individual pursuits.
You knew how this was going to end, you always had.
“To think that you could’ve been slain.” His grip on you tightens and you feel something wet on your neck, remnants of tears clung to his lashes tickling your skin. Crying? Was he crying?
“I’d have come.” He said firmly, finally looking up at you.
There was a fading sheen of wet in his eyes, but his expression held, clearer and more determined than you’d ever seen it. As if conflict had never existed on its sharp features. “If you find yourself in trouble, I’d stop at nothing. No matter the consequences or debt I have to carry.”
“Xiao.” Your mouth felt dry and you swallowed, wondering if by some chance this was a dream. To hear what you’d never imagined even in your dreams to be spoken. “What do you mean by that.” You ask softly, your own tears finally falling down like rain in a storm.
And he looks at you so fiercely, so boldly your knees tremble and you’re glad for his embrace.
“To have spent a millenia wondering what had become of you.” He says teeth grit in pain. “Pondering if I would have been able to stop it- It would be more tremendous than any burden I’ve had to shoulder.” He pauses to release a breath, eyes closing briefly as if he’s remembering just what the year had been like. “I never want to harbour that feeling again.” He finishes.
“I couldn’t- I couldn’t call for you.” You finally say.
Because you knew your answer would always be no. You could never ask him to drop everything for you. To leave Liyue, to help you on your own adventures.
And then his forehead was on yours and he was scowling at you. “There’s no need to call my name if I’m already present.” And briefly, he faltered, anger ebbing away into something much sweeter. “ If you’d allow it.”
And your mind blanks.
This was not the yaksha you had left all those months ago, the one you loved but couldn’t envision a future with. The one who walked you home every night from the shadows, who overlooked Liyue with you on mountains but never looked back when you left, the one who never grasped your hand when you walked close enough for them to brush. No, the one staring up at you? This was not him.
And neither were you the same naive traveler who left, the one who strove to explore every facet of this world. Because on those nights in your travel, staring in the eyes of those who attempted to kill you, in the depths of chests you found, in the blood of those you’d failed to save, there had only ever been one thought in your mind. The urge to go home. And maybe you’d found solace in those places before, but home was now nowhere else to be found, but here.
Right here in his arms.
You can’t help the wet laugh that bubbles from your throat. “If you’d allow it, I’d never leave your side.”
“What?” And you watch as surprise filters across his features like clouds parting for sun in a storm, and your smile only widens. Because yes, he had changed, but so had you.
“I have no more left to find when all I need is right here.”
So, yes your first embrace had been marked by bruises, by tear tracks and ruffled clothes, but it was also followed by a promise. An oath to each other, as you found compromise in a place it hadn’t seemed possible before.