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Gina ate her granola bar quietly. She was deep in thought after fielding a couple of questions from EJ (the usual “How did everything go?” despite not leaving, pretty good, among “How did you come up with that choreo so fast?” I’m a dancer, EJ, it was cake, and “Did you tell your mom hi for me when she called?” duh, dude – and she says hi back ), replaying the events of the day and then some when he realized she wanted to be left alone for a bit and graciously obliged. She was supposed to be on a flight to Louisiana right now, three hours and seventeen minutes away from seeing her mom. She’d been looking forward to it, of course, but not for the reasons she’d originally figured she would. The trip was no longer a rush to return to the member of her family she was closest to, a race to escape the drama and pain that followed her around no matter where she went.
Moving, to Gina, had started off equal parts exciting and painful. When she was little, there were always new friends to be made, even if leaving the old ones behind meant breaking off tiny pieces of her heart and burying them everywhere she touched down. But as she grew up, swept through more towns and people, learned that not everyone she met was someone she wanted to be a permanent fixture in her life, the more she stopped letting others in.
In fact, she had four rules she’d made up to avoid attachments of all kinds: Get in, shine so bright she blinded anyone else from seeing the depths of her faults, keep her personal head down and her stage head up, then get out. No new friends beyond superficial bonds to stave off the loneliness, and absolutely no crushes.
Leave it to East High to turn that upside down. For the first time, she was actually making real friends, trying her hand at opening her heart. While that went backwards, as it always did, she'd felt comfortable doing it because of the promise that this would be the last time. Salt Lake was supposed to be it , somewhere she could put down roots for once , dig her heels in and trust that she could fall. Yet, F.E.M.A. was dragging her out kicking and screaming, away from the one place and the only people that she had ever considered sticking around for.
And yet, strangely enough, her first enemy became her saving grace.
She stole a quick glance at him from the corner of her eye, a tiny smile she didn’t register playing on her lips. He was focused on driving, humming If I Can’t Love Her underneath his breath. If someone would have told her at the beginning of the year that EJ Caswell was going to buy her a plane ticket back to perform in the show she’d worked her ass off for, let alone become one of her best friends, she would have laughed all the way through rehearsal for at least a week. Now, she couldn’t imagine walking away from this .
From him.
As if cued, EJ’s head turned and Gina couldn’t look away in time. Thankfully, he seemed too concerned to notice.
“Gi? You good?”
“Yeah,” she nodded, “all good.” She forced a stiff laugh past her lips, shrugging as she added, “Sorry, I just – spaced out.”
He nodded back, offering her a comforting smile before returning to the chill silence they’d established. That was one thing she truly appreciated about EJ. Somehow, along the way of developing their friendship, he’d figured her out. Not entirely, not to her core, but enough to understand what she needed when she needed it. He always checked in but never pressed, letting her come to say what she needed to in her own time.
He was so different from Jack. It wasn’t a comparison she had been actively thinking about, but spending the entire day with her mischievous one-time acquaintance had made her realize how much she appreciated a shake every once in awhile. It was fun to be kept on her feet, to keep things light and be confident in the lack of strings. Strings terrified Gina, to an extent, because she had never had them. She didn’t know how to operate with strings, didn’t know how to tie herself to something or someone without the certainty that she could always start over in a few months if things didn’t work out.
Gina sighed softly. Her mother told her not to rush. In the constant calamity that was her life, she’d never experienced such a perfect opportunity to heed advice, and she was partially sure she wouldn’t again.
She’d asked for a sign, after all.
Maybe it was time to slow down a little.
“EJ?”
His eyes flickered back to her briefly, switching from watching the road to holding her gaze every few seconds.
“Yeah?”
Gina took a subtle deep breath before forcing herself to speak.
“Can we… go to your place? I don’t think I’m ready to go back to Ash’s house yet.”
He nodded immediately.
“Yeah, yeah of course. No problem, Gina.”
He switched course and she stopped talking. It took her about thirty seconds to hear him start singing Beauty and The Beast quietly but once she registered it, she immediately joined in, layering a high harmony on top of his voice. EJ grinned at her, and they crescendoed, belting it out. Gina tossed in some riffs while he kept the melody strong, and they finished slightly flushed, beaming at each other.
They ran through a couple more of the tracks from the musical, singing together at times and playfully engaging in a lighthearted sing-off at others, and by the time that had concluded, EJ was pulling into his driveway. He parked and hopped out, jogging around to Gina’s side to open the door for her. She raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged in response.
“You’re really pulling out all the stops for me today, Eej,” Gina teased, getting out of the vehicle. He closed the door behind her and retrieved her bags from the trunk.
“Well, you deserve it,” he replied, and she swore he froze for half a second before rapidly adding on, “I mean, you’ve had a really long day and you’re probably really tired, right?”
Gina nodded, trying to tamp down on the butterflies threatening to rise from her stomach up into her throat and out of her mouth in word form.
“My dad’s in the office, but he should be out of our way for the night,” EJ said, rolling Gina’s suitcases up and carrying them inside after she walked through the front door. Gina took his words in silence, halfway caught up in how impressive his house was and halfway wondering why she wanted to come here , for the first time, instead of letting him drop her off at Ashlyn’s.
EJ set Gina’s bags by the door and led her into the living room, sitting down on the couch. She sat as well, immediately turning to face him.
“So I met this guy today…”
Something flashed in EJ’s eyes, but all he said was, “Oh?”
“Yeah,” Gina hummed, “and it was… actually pretty cool. But I realized that, I’m never gonna see him again. And that would have appealed to the old me, I think, but now I just… I want something here , where I’m gonna be.”
“What do you…” EJ began softly, almost… cautiously, continuing, “What do you mean by that?”
A half frustrated laugh left Gina in response.
“I don’t even know, I just–” Her eyes flickered down to the couch and then back up to him. When she spoke, the words spilled forth, tumbling out from her lips one after the other, the tide she’d held at bay for longer than she cared to admit finally washing over her.
“This is the first time I’ve ever really wanted to stay in one place. Moving around has sucked, yeah, but putting down roots isn’t something I’m afraid of anymore. I used to be so freaked out by the idea that I was going to settle into something just to leave it but… I don’t feel like that here. You guys, the cast, you’ve really, you’ve really, um,” Gina was both shocked and appalled to feel tears gathering rapidly in her eyes, but she soldiered on, “You’ve made me feel like I belong. Like this is where I’m meant to be. No one’s ever really… invested in me before, but you and Ash especially have just made this – me – um, so happy. In every way I can think of. I’ve never really… had that before? But for once, I’m not scared I’m gonna lose it.”
A few tears ran down her cheeks and her gaze returned to the couch beneath them as she muttered, “Sorry, sorry – God, I don’t even know why I’m crying right now, jeez,” and wiped them away with a quick shake of her head.
“Gi,” EJ murmured, brushing a stray tear away with his thumb. She looked up then, finding herself unable to move even if she wanted to. He kept his hand where it was for a beat before dropping it and clearing his throat.
“I get it. When I found out I wasn’t getting into Duke, it was like the world was ending. My world, at least. But, out of everyone who tried to help, you were the one who made me realize that there’s more out there than what I expected. You’re always so confident and brave, and you… you inspire me. Every day. But you also make me feel like me , if that even makes sense. Not the water polo guy or a theater guy, but me. Like EJ.”
A tiny smile lit up Gina’s face, and it was her turn to brush away a stray tear from his cheek when it decided to fall. She understood completely. Both of them were viewed from pedestal standpoints: amazing at what they did, but people tended to take them for what they were instead of who. So, they’d gravitated towards each other, discovered what it felt like to be prioritized instead of treated like an option, to actually be put first for once rather than chosen as an afterthought or offered a chance as a concession.
They moved at the same time. Gina’s arms latched around EJ’s neck as his wrapped around her waist, holding onto each other as tightly as possible. The only other sound Gina could hear apart from the occasional snivel from one of them was the blood rushing in her ears at the pace of her heartbeat.
She didn’t know how long they sat like that, intertwined, but when she finally pulled away, it was just far enough so that she could see him. They still held onto each other, and Gina felt like she needed to stay exactly as she was. His arms were the only thing grounding her from running away.
“You know how Ricky and Nini always talk about home?” She began, quiet, almost timid but never removing her gaze from his. It was something she’d often overheard between the two of them, some murmured promise whispered in between soft smiles and cheek kisses, but she’d long since stopped wincing and recoiling from the sting it used to cause her. Curiously, the thought no longer hurt at all. Gina did her best to try and keep going, praying she didn’t fumble what she wanted to say too badly. “I’ve… never really had that either, somewhere that I’m always with and that I always carry with me. But — EJ… I want… I think this… I think you’re –”
My home. You’re my home. Or starting to feel like it, at least. I know I want you to be, if you want to.
The words got stuck in her throat, refusing to come out, but the look in his eyes told her they didn’t need to.
“Me too, Gina,” EJ replied softly, exhaling heavily. Gina closed her eyes, leaning forward and gently pressing her forehead against EJ’s. She heard his breath hitch, but they found a rhythm a moment later. She breathed with him for a few minutes, thankful that her heartbeat had calmed down, even if her face was still warm from her attempt at articulating her feelings.
She focused on the moment instead of the blunder. It was… comfortable. Natural. Like every other place she had been before this was fundamentally wrong, solely because it wasn’t right here and right now. And, by default, every other person, because they weren’t him.
“Can I –”
“Do you wanna –”
They spoke at the same time, their eyes opening and laughter coming out in tandem.
“You go,” EJ said, and Gina asked, “Are you cool if I stay here tonight?”
“Of course,” he nodded, “I just gotta clear it with my dad first. I can sleep down here, and you can take my room, if you want.”
“I’m not gonna kick you out of your own room,” Gina told him, and EJ responded, “I just want you to feel comfortable…”
Gina sighed, shaking her head with a fond little smile.
“Go ask your dad, then. I’ll text Ash and let her know you’re dropping me off tomorrow.”
She was already positive he would insist on it, but she didn’t mind. She wasn’t entirely sure the rest of the night and the morning would be enough time with him, but that was a concern she could engage with or ignore tomorrow.
They untangled themselves from each other and Gina shot off a quick message.
Gina: Hey! Change of plans, spending the night at E’s. He’ll drop me off tomorrow!
Ashlyn: Sounds good! Tell him I say hi!
Gina chuckled a bit, setting her phone down and standing up just as EJ returned.
“We are good to go,” he grinned at her, retrieving her bags and heading to the stairs. She followed with a grin of her own. EJ led her upstairs and down the hall to a white door on its right side. He looked back at her, halfway nervous and she gave him a little nod of encouragement. Her eyes said: It’s okay. When he opened the door to his room, all Gina could say was, “Dude.”
One, it was huge. EJ had a king size bed and a flat screen tv with enough room to move around in between the two (she figured she could do a triple pirouette with ease and still have room to jump into a jazz square after), not to mention she was pretty sure the door towards the left side was his personal bathroom. The walls were decorated with posters of his favorite athletes and bands, and she spotted a couple of Duke decorations as well. There was an expensive looking desk in the corner and a large dresser as well.
“You didn’t tell me you were basically Richie Rich,” she said, a wickedly amused gleam entering her eyes.
“Hey! Watch it, Porter,” EJ shot back, a half smile curving onto his lips, “I’m a lot more talented and definitely better looking.”
“Fair enough,” Gina conceded, thoroughly entertained. She probably should have expected this since his father and grandfather were Duke students – which made him one hell of a legacy – but it wasn’t something she’d thought too deeply about until this moment.
EJ crossed his arms over his chest loosely, tipping his head in the direction he told her.
“Uh, so the bathroom is just through that door if you wanna change and get ready for bed. Unless you wanna watch a show or something?”
“Think I’m good on the show, but thanks.”
Gina went over to her suitcase and grabbed a few items before heading into the bathroom to do as much of her nightly routine as she could. She washed her face with the soap he had, pleasantly surprised that it smelled so nice (like he always did). She put on a pair of blue pajama shorts and a white loose t-shirt, debating on whether to pin her braids down and wear a scarf or to let her hair roam free for the night. She decided to undo the braids, exhaling in relief as the tension on her head slowly faded to nothing. She twisted her fingers through her curls a bit before gathering the clothes she’d worn earlier and holding them against her chest. Her bare feet padded along the floor, stopping when she opened the door.
The sight of EJ’s back greeted her, muscles straining a bit as he pulled a black sleeveless shirt down over his chest. Gina’s eyes popped for a split second and she coughed, causing EJ to turn with half of his shirt on, his eyes also wide. Gina’s mouth opened to speak, her brain begging her to throw out some offhanded nonchalant comment like she always did. She rushed by him instead, returning the rest of her clothes and things into her suitcase. She also took the time to fold up his Duke sweatshirt, carefully placing it on the chair at his desk. By the time she’d turned around to face him, EJ had finished changing and was climbing into his bed. Gray shorts were the only adjustment she could see he’d made, but she stopped herself there. This was definitely more than enough thirst for one night.
Gina walked up to EJ’s bed, pausing at the edge once she got to it.
“I can totally sleep on the couch if this is too weird for you,” EJ murmured, “Seriously, Gi. No worries.”
She considered it for a moment, but something twisted in her stomach at the thought. He'd done so much for her tonight; the least she could do was let him sleep in his own bed. She shook her head.
“No. I just haven’t slept in anybody else’s bed that wasn’t my brother’s or my mom’s so, lots of firsts today, huh?”
She cringed in her head but crawled in nonetheless, settling on the far right side. EJ stayed all the way over to the left, giving her nearly the entire space. It only took two minutes of them breathing in silence for her to mumble, “Okay, this is stupid – get over here, Caswell,” and scoot to the middle.
EJ’s head whipped towards her faster than she could fully register, “What? Are you sure?”
“Don’t make it weird,” Gina warned him, but her eyes smiled. EJ complied, coming up to the middle of his bed and joining her.
“So now…” he said slowly, obviously trying to follow her thoughts but not quite there with her yet. Gina rolled her eyes lightly, taking his arms and wrapping them around her before placing her head down on his chest, right where his heart beat.
“Oh,” EJ managed.
“Mm,” Gina sighed contentedly.
She tried to settle into him, but his body was tight beneath her. Definitely no way to rest for either of them.
“EJ?”
“Yeah?”
“I can feel you thinking. Please relax so we can both go to sleep.” Before she could stop them, the words, “You can’t be new to this – I know you’ve had girlfriends,” fell out of her mouth. Her face warmed and her head shot up. Alarmed by herself, Gina immediately went about apologizing.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I swear–”
“Nah, you’re right,” EJ confessed quietly, “actually, this is probably the longest I’ve gone without one since kindergarten. But I’ve never done this with you , Gina. I just don’t wanna make the wrong move.”
She ducked her head then, hoping to hide how hard she was biting down on her lip to keep from smiling – or saying something stupid. And yet…
“I don’t think you could,” she whispered into his chest, underneath her breath. She assumed he hadn’t heard until she felt him stop breathing for half a second below her.
“Gi–”
“Um, goodnight,” Gina rushed over the lone syllable he was able to get out, closing her eyes and praying he just let her sleep.
“Goodnight.” He’d said it softly, but she’d caught the unsteady note in his tone.
Another five minutes passed.
“Gina?”
“Yeah?”
“I can feel you thinking.”
She could practically picture the fond smile across his face, which was she was glad her own was hidden.
“Probably because I am, Eej.”
She was trying really hard not to, but her mind was on fire with everything she’d been trying to deny. It stiffened up her body, which was affecting them both.
“So do you wanna sleep or –”
“I do,” she clarified, braving a quick glance up at him, “I just… gotta get relaxed again.”
“Okay,” he hummed in understanding. “Well, if you were at home, what would you normally do?”
A bittersweet air came over Gina as she told him.
“If I was with Jamie, on one of the rare nights he’d be at home, he’d sing me a couple of lullabies until I fell asleep. He used to do that when we were kids. With my mom, she would just mess around with my curls a bit and kiss my forehead.”
Wordlessly, EJ leaned down, pressing his lips against Gina’s forehead.
That was all it took for her to melt into him, the tension inside her muscles disappearing completely.
“Is it okay if I touch your hair?” he whispered next, and through the minor shock at the fact that he actually cared to ask and didn’t just do it, she whispered back, “Yes.”
His fingers ran over her curls gently, tracing through them in a soft rhythm. In the next second, the lyrics to You Are The Music In Me were sung a bit above her ears. The full sensation flooded Gina with emotion, yet calmed her to her core. He’d listened and responded, knew exactly how she needed to be handled and did so without so much as a breath of displeasure.
Rather than crying again (though she really, really wanted to), Gina drowsily hummed, “Thank you.” She shifted her neck back, pressing a kiss to his before fully dropping her head onto his chest again.
And as she finally felt the familiar pull of sleep coming over her, guided by the feeling of his lips on top of her head and his arms gently tightening around her body, Gina’s last thought was that if this was what home truly felt like, she was never going to let it go.