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Azul had always lived in the dark. Literally as well as metaphorically–refusing to open his heart up to anyone, he strived instead to further his business and find joy from its prosperity. And it worked, most definitely. He's always been happy to see the figures rising after a busy day. It seemed to be enough, this transient happiness.
But even then, something felt missing. It was a part in his heart that no success could ever fill. He wondered if it could even be filled at all.
And then, just like that, Sofa had arrived at Night Raven College and quite literally changed his life.
A ray of sunshine. That's what she was.
Not of the scalding and blindingly bright desert sun, but the gentle caress of a beam of light reaching the dark ocean floor.
The ocean floor he's spent his whole life brooding, convincing himself that he'd never be good enough. Sometimes, he'd see an especially persistent ray of light filter through, all the way to where he was curled up. Despite his misfortunes, it would make him smile. Like there was hope amongst all this pain.
For him, Sofa was that ray of light.
At first, she was no different from any other person he's met. Insignificant. Infinitesimal in the pursuit of his economic success.
But after his Overblot, she had been so kind, and so attentive to him.
Azul was a dealmaker at heart. He as well as everyone else knew that well. But, she never approached him with the intent of wanting something in return. Sometimes, it was simply just to check in on him. The first few times, he veered away from the girl, adamant that she must think he owes her something after all of this. But she just kept coming back. And she was so genuine, and it was nice to be around her.
Oh, what was he even saying? The Leech twins would tease him to hell and back for feeling this way, but how strange it was that he couldn’t care less.It was a foreign, almost reeling feeling sometimes.
But above all, it was warming. Comforting. It made him feel loved. Of all the silly things…
As time went by, her presence alone was more effective than any attempt to cheer him up. He felt real, around her. It was funny, because before he met her, he had always thought he was real enough. He was unaware about just how much he had been keeping to himself, and about how much he really didn’t know about himself.
Against all odds, she had broken down the walls he's kept up all his life near-completely. He'd find himself doing just about anything to see her smile.
And such was the case as well, when she had to leave for Briar Valley to undertake an important task.
Some little, stupid side of him was screaming at him to not let her go. He didn't want her to leave. What if something bad were to happen to her? Take me with you, he wanted to say. If something happens, at least we'll be there together.
But he couldn't. He has his duties as a Dorm Leader, and as a businessman.
For once in his life, he wished he was neither.
But…
"I'll definitely come back, Azul. No need to be sad!"
Then why were tears pricking the corners of her eyes as she said those words?
How silly…
Before his brain could react, he found himself pulling her into a tight hug. It wasn't something he was used to at all, but in that moment it felt like he had been waiting for this his entire life.
Perhaps he had.
Their hug lasted an embarrassingly long time, he would probably have thought prior to meeting Sofa. But now, it truly felt like there could be nothing more important to him than this time spent together with her.
And then she left Night Raven College.
For the first week, things proceeded as normal. Business went on as usual. Maybe Azul missed Sofa a little, but he knew she'd be back. And when she was, they could spend all the time in the world together, and they wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore.
…Maybe he'd tell her.
He found his Internet search results littered with questions such as "trip to Briar Valley duration", and he knew he couldn't stop himself from worrying about Sofa. It's okay , he kept telling himself. She'll come back, of course. She said so herself.
Two weeks passed. Then three. Then a month.
And finally, one day it was announced by the Headmaster.
They'd received unimaginably high reports of concentrated magical energy at a specific spot in Briar Valley, and the only plausible explanation could have been something immense happening there. The most likely situation, Crowley had gone on, is that the prefect of Ramshackle Dorm had left this world.
In which way, he did not know.
Azul's first reaction was anger. How, how can you throw such words around so lightly? Does the Headmaster not care about her at all? Does no one, except for him? He wanted to yell, right then and there, but his reputation as a Dorm Leader was on the line. So he waited until he was back in his room.
Then, the adrenaline rush dissipated, and in its place was...well, what was it? It felt empty. He felt empty. He barely registered tears running down his face, but did nothing to wipe them away, allowing them to sting his eyes.
He didn't sleep that night.
The next morning, he woke up before dawn. Like something had taken control of him, he silently walked through the halls of Octavinelle. His mind was clouded, the only sound being the soft echo of his quiet footsteps that took him all the way to a familiar, run-down dorm.
It almost seemed more...abandoned, now that no one was living in it anymore. Well, no one living , at least. It was quieter. He suddenly hated being here, and felt an incredible urge to go back to Octavinelle, and never take a look in the room.
What if she was sleeping? What if he were to wake her up? These silly thoughts flooded his brain. He’s still pointedly refusing to believe it, but he knows she’s not here anymore. But his body took him in, and up the stairs...
He was in front of a bed. On the bed was a bag, the periwinkle paper all-too-familiar to him. It was the paper bag given to customers by the Mostro Lounge when they ordered takeout. A feeling of dread washed over him, settling in the pit of his stomach. It was nauseating. It was strange to feel almost seasick, having been under the sea almost his entire life.
He knelt down on the bed. It was soft. Carefully taking the bag and opening it like it was the most precious treasure in the world, he found three things inside.
A scrapbook, a silver square box and a neatly folded letter.
Hands shaking, he carefully unfolded the thin lilac paper.
Dear Azul,
And promptly folded it back up, holding it close to his chest. He could feel the tears threatening to spill out again.
Cloudy eyes focusing on the silver box, he examines it, noticing a crank. Figuring out what it is, he turns the crank, like he used to all those years ago with his mother's old music box.
♪ Part of Your World
He loved music. This melody was no different, but as he listened, he found himself thinking about her. A sweet, melancholic sort of nostalgia. One that reminded him of her, and the good memories they had, and the ones they never had.
It came as no surprise to him, and yet the tears were back, and he was in an empty place now. No one to watch him, no one to judge him.
Empty, just like him.
His sobs resonated throughout the hollow, crumbling walls of the dorm. Desperately clutching the items close to him like he'd forget about all the memories they shared together if he let go. His mind swirled unforgiving with regrets. He didn't get to tell her how he felt.
And maybe she felt the same way...
No, wouldn't that be worse? He didn't know. Not anymore, not ever.
...
A while passed, and wavering, almost dull sky blues settled on his watch.
...It was nearly time to start the first shift.
He'll take a look at the other items later , he tells himself as he gets up from the familiar, unfamiliar bed, legs shaking. When he's ready.
The first shift went smoothly, and not a hair was out of place, he thought. If his movements were more sluggish, if his voice was hoarse, he did not know.
Back in his room, he curls up into his octopot. It brought him a bit of much-needed comfort. He peruses the remaining two items, filled with memories that he would never want to forget.
He was crying again. He doesn't know if he'll ever stop.
Time passed. A sentence was burnt, branded into his mind.
"I just wanted to let you know that I love you, even if I never got to say it, and even if you don't feel the same way."
...How silly did she have to be?
Of course he did. Of course he felt the same way.
Time passed. He silently sobbed in the dark confines of his octopot as regret came anew to him.
If he had told her sooner...
Would she have left?
Perhaps this was his fault?
Perhaps in another life...
"Azul, are you in there?"
A voice sounds from the door. After a moment, they continue speaking.
"Our next shift is starting. If you so wish, I can take the reins. You should take a rest."
Azul's voice came up hoarse, almost inaudible.
"...No, it's okay. I'll be there...just give me five minutes."
"...The shift is starting now."
"..."
Getting up, he flings his coat over himself as he heads to the bathroom to wash up. He soon exits his room, perfectly neutral expression on his face, as the last notes of the music box melody fade from earshot.
Perhaps in another life, I could be part of your world.
+++
Dear Azul,
If you're reading this, it probably means I'm going somewhere I know I can't come back from. I was planning on just telling you in person, but sometimes I get too scared. So if I chicken out, at least you have this letter to remember me by! I'll just tell the truth here and now, no matter how embarrassing it is.
You've always been such a joy to be with, and you've made my days so much happier. All the time that we've spent together has made me so glad that I'm here, and it almost makes me wanna stay here, haha! But I miss my family, too. I wish I could take you with me! But I know I can't. But before I give you this letter, let’s spend the rest of our time together. I want to go to the Atlantica Memorial Museum again! No Jade and Floyd this time! Just us! I can tell you about customs on the surface and back in my world too, and we can laugh about it.
I don't know if I could tell you all this in person, to be honest, but...I somehow feel braver when I'm with you. Maybe I could, and then I wouldn't even need this letter anymore! It could just be a script, haha. But... I just wanted to let you know that I love you, even if I never got to say it, and even if you don't feel the same way. Yeah, that's all! If you don't, I hope we can still be friends, because I really appreciate you in my life. More than anyone else in Twisted Wonderland (don't tell Grim!).
But, yeah, you seriously have no idea how much you mean to me. And it would mean the world if you felt the same way too. Not that I'm forcing you or anything!
Well, I'm rambling on, haha! I better stop before this letter gets too long and it gets boring to read. I love you, Azul! I'll always keep you in my thoughts.
-Sofa