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Clarke had never felt a heat like this before. Perhaps she took the summers on Earth for granted because this was another level of summer on this planet. The red sun could kiss Clarke’s ass because after everything she had been through, like hell was she gonna succumb to this planet’s bullshit.
“I think I might be actually going crazy…” Clarke murmured to herself. Wow, Clarke. You live through an apocalypse where you talked to yourself for over six years, and you only think you’re going crazy now…
“Okay…Note to self,” she sighs deeply, “Talking to myself in my brain does not make any difference to talking to myself…out loud? Jesus Christ…” Choking on a laugh, she facepalms before shaking her head at herself before grabbing this big old floppy hat that Gaia found for her to use. It was hideous. You know those old movies from the time before the bombs, where women wore these huge sorta-wicker type hats that made them look like they were thirty, married to a millionaire, and having a mid-life crisis.
Yeah…it was one of those hats. The ones that are obscenely large, not for helpfulness or shielding from the sun, but for fashion. Clarke snorts as she tucks the weird short length curl that the hat is causing to bunch around her eyebrow. Anyway, it’s a cream shade similar to her own dirty blonde colour her hair is at the moment. But it also has these aqua stones that Madi said meant it was made for Clarke because “It matches your eyes, Mom!”
She looked ridiculous. Actually, she looked worse. It was too hot for her leathers, her boots, or her jacket. Before, she would just stride around in her shorts or underwear with her bra or tank top on – sometimes being the only person on a planet had a positive. When Madi came around, she joined her in just strutting around their little home in their underwear. At one point, it took Clarke four hours to convince Madi to put on her clothes when she decided to go naked, “What’s a couple of extra layers gonna do Clarke?”
She did have a point. But now…Clarke missed earth. She missed their home. She missed being alone. She just wanted to be able to walk around in her underwear or just shorts and a tank top and not feel stares on her all day. She wanted to be able to wear an absolutely ridiculous hat and have a laugh about it with her daughter without feeling the number of stares and glares those around her deemed to inflict on her. So, she’s wearing shorts – well they were pyjama bottoms at one point, but Clarke cut them to about knee length last month when the days started getting longer and muggier.
But now the flowy cotton fabric is sticking to the sweat dripping down her inner thighs and, honestly, Clarke’s this close to saying screw it and just striding out there in front of everyone in her underwear. She huffed at herself before pulling the light blue material away from her damp, slightly tanned skin.
“Yeah right, Clarke,” she shook her head at herself, “Like you’d ever do that…”
She quickly slipped on her new-to-her trainers, that were probably once white…or blue if she tilted her head and put the shoes in a certain light. But they fit and they were clean, most importantly they weren’t broken or fixed together with whatever material anyone could find. They were the least damaged shoes she’s ever owned and goddammnit, she was making the most of them until it started getting cold again and her big boots must make a comeback.
Clarke shuffled over to the floor-length mirror, that Ryker gifted to her and Madi when they moved into their little cabin. It had a big crack across the top that he must have glued or welded back together again, but it was the largest mirror Clarke had seen and she was so grateful for the gift. Though, she had to admit to herself, that she didn’t use it as much as others probably would. Clarke still had days where she couldn’t bear it to see her reflection, to see the deep bags under her eyes or the discolouration of her neck from Diyoza’s collar and Echo’s hands that would not disappear. Not counting the countless scars littering her skin, the bruises and just…her.
Her life, her body a map for anyone who could read it and see who she was and where she’s been. What she’s suffered and lost.
The door to their cabin suddenly rips open and Clarke takes a moment of pride for herself at the fact she didn’t jump or turn to face the intruder. Though, her hand did still travel to her front where her knife never left its spot from being strapped to her waist. As her hand hovers over her black shirt, she smiles at the excitable mass known as her daughter.
“Come on, Nomon!” Madi whines, causing Clarke to laugh, “You’re taking forever!” Clarke amusedly shakes her head at the girl as she stares at her through the mirror. Her blue-green eyes twinkling and shining in happiness as she jumps on her tip toes.
“Okay, okay! I’m coming,” Clarke exasperates, holding her hands up in the air as she swivels on her heel. Her canteen is full and ready on the side by the sink, but she was going to grab something…What was it?
“Looking for this, Mom?” Madi says jokingly as Clarke turns and peers at the young girl as she wiggles her eyebrows and shoulders in unison as she holds up her sketchbook. Clarke sighs at her ridiculous girl and strides towards her. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time for Madi to remind her of such things. Clarke does wonder when their roles suddenly became equal in caring for one another and not her more for Madi. Well, she doesn’t have to wonder. Clarke remembers it painfully, it’s one of the few things she’ll most likely never forget. A name that still sent shudders down her spine, despite them living not so far from their new compound. Deep breath, Clarke. Deep breath.
Thankfully, Russell understood why none of them could stomach to be in the ‘city centre’ of Sanctum anymore. Not just needing their own homes, their own purposes again after such violence and despair they’ve all endured. But because, though apologies and forgiveness were verbally traded with one another, it was hard for nearly all of those from earth could not simply forget the fact that they nearly – no did kill Clarke. As well as the whole God complex and zombie/possession they loved to inflict on their own people. It took a lot just for Clarke to shake Russell’s hand after everything had passed when they signed the edict. She could’ve sworn that Kane had to physically restrain Abby from Russell when he held onto Clarke’s hand a little too tightly and long, after she fought so hard to protect her since she died and came back to life.
“Nomon?” Madi murmurs quietly, gently grasping Clarke’s elbow in her small palm. Clarke blinks the sudden tears filling her eyes before setting her glazed eyes on her precious girl. Her child.
“Thank you, my little natblida,” Clarke cups the back of her head as she presses a kiss onto her forehead, where the Commander’s emblem used to be.
-
“Oh, look who finally decides to bless us with her presence,” Diyoza chortled, not unkindly though. Clarke could only smile at the woman who once tortured her. Surprisingly, Clarke and Diyoza had struck up an unusual friendship – it even surprised both women. All it took was one evening in the spring heat wave they were having on Sanctum and two, or perhaps five times that amount, of this lovely purple raspberry drink that Delilah made for the pair. Safe to say it did not take long for the two women who had both personally endured another trauma for one lifetime – let alone…How many were they on now? The pair couldn’t remember as they giggled and hiccupped at one another. But it had taken a while to build trust between the two, though there always was a deep trust and a clear respect for one another. Just when Clarke carries the scars as a reminder of Diyoza’s actions against Clarke…Let’s just say it took Diyoza a little bit longer with the visible handiwork forever embedded into Clarke’s neck.
Clarke huffed a laugh, “Only for you, my dearest. Only for you.” The two women guffawed at one another as Madi giggled, sounding like the child she was. Madi had such a fondness for the ex-con, which Clarke as her mother could never understand. Though, it would explain why Octavia was her favourite for so long. Clarke couldn’t help but laugh quietly to herself about the irony – Octavia was making it her personal mission now to bring Madi back over to her side. This ongoing battle between Diyoza and Octavia tickled her and Madi so badly; Clarke actually keeps note in the back page of her sketchbooks the tally of their wins and losses in the Battle of Favourite as Madi called it. Clarke laughed at herself. Two grown, badass women competing for her young natblida’s love. And as Clarke stroked the hair out of her daughter’s face and ran her hand through the long braids and waves of her brown hair, she could understand why they’d want to be Madi’s favourite. Thankfully, Madi made it clear that Clarke would always be her “unchallenged” favourite and for that Clarke was thankful. Especially when others made it clear that, if given the chance, they’d rip Madi away from Clarke with no questions asked. As if none of them risked it all, even their own lives for their loved ones. But Clarke was used to being the enemy…the one to blame for anything and everything that went wrong. Disregarding all the things she did right, or until another wrong thing came along. Clarke was used to the sun not shining for long on her, before being emersed once more under a thunderous, stormy sky.
“Hey! Clarke,” Diyoza called out, “You still with us, darling?” She frowned as she appraised Clarke still standing there in the middle of their little picnic area, where Abby, Kane, Gaia, and Madi were all sat down trying hard not to stare. Little Hope just continued to play with her mother’s hands, wiggling them around as she adorably bopped to the music in her head.
“Yeah, yeah,” she shrugged as she quickly planted herself on the patchwork blanket, “I’m all good.” Clarke smiled brightly at everyone, her family surrounding her. Her mum smiled warmly at her, before cupping Clarke’s cheek and stroking her tiny thumb across her cheekbone. Clarke used to fight the instinct embedded in her from childhood, the urge to sink into her mother’s hold and love, especially after the events on Earth and then space. But now…Clarke softened and gave her a small, but loving smile, as she melted slightly into her warm touch. Clarke blinked away the tears and swallowed the lump in her throat before pulling away and sending a glance to Kane, who knowingly smiled at her. His age lines looking like dimples under his stubble and that wise old look in his eyes. Clarke couldn’t help but warmly smile at her stepfather, who against all the odds managed to survive and be here today with Clarke and her mother. Thank god her mother had her shadow her all those years on the Ark, or the surgeries could have gone disasterously.
A loud shout came from behind the group, emerging from the forest that wrapped around their camp’s borders. She marched past all those of their community who were sat outside to enjoy a picnic also, looking casual, despite the somewhat fast pace she garnered. As she came closer and closer to the family, sitting under the shade of the large oak-like tree for Hope’s sake, they could finally make out what, or rather who, she was calling out for.
“Hey, Clarkey!” Octavia announced as she bounded over to the group and plopped herself down in Clarke’s lap. Clarke just laughed even after the warrior gave her a loud, wet kiss to her pink cheek. She wrapped her arms around her neck as she lounged back in Clarke’s lap. The entire family burst out into laughter; even little Hope was smiling a gummy smile. Octavia gazed at her, her brown eyes deep with mischief.
“Hey yourself O,” Clarke laughed at the young woman, “What are you up to?”
“Who me?” Octavia said, her face wide and open as if shocked as everyone else continued to chortle, Diyoza was on her back, holding her stomach with tears gushing down her face. The sight made Clarke snort, causing everyone to cry out with laughter. Octavia giggled in her arms and wiggled her bony butt as if to make a more cushiony seat of her legs.
“I ain’t doing nothin’,” she grinned wickedly before grasping Clarke’s face between her palms and planting another wet one on her other rosy cheek. Chuckling at Clarke’s tomato face, she launched herself between Gaia and Abby. Octavia gave Gaia another, “What?!”, as she got settled, the wise woman shaking her head at their friend before offering her a purple strawberry.
Gaia was a surprise for her. She thought after years of being Flamekeeper, her beliefs and working under Octavia as ‘The Red Queen’ that she’d gravitate more to Octavia or those kept in the bunker. But weirdly, Gaia just made her feel warm, safe, and calm as if a balm meant to heal Clarke. Though there were parts of their history that they couldn’t connect over, they were alike in other ways. It was Gaia who got Clarke back into sketching and painting again. She managed to find supplies and gifted them to Clarke, who couldn’t exactly say no to such a quiet, but fierce woman. They’d paint in their cabins, on the porch wrapping both of their cabins, in the ‘gardens’, in the forests, the beach, the possibilities were endless for the two who had been kept from such. If it wasn’t for Clarke’s friendships with Diyoza and now Gaia, Clarke doubted her, and Octavia would be the same. Maybe a repaired relationship of trust and mutual respect, but Clarke doubted that there would be such affection and closeness between the two troubled women if not for their relationships with Gaia and Diyoza to lead the healing process. Strangely, and yet not at the same time Clarke pondered, Diyoza was the most therapeutic for the two women – most likely due to her straight up nature. But it worked well with Gaia’s softness and her “no messing around” personality. They made the perfect duo to therapize Clarke and Octavia as well as bring the two Skaikru women together again.
“Strawberry, sweetheart?” Abby quietly offered Clarke, holding the oddly shaped, purple fruit in between her fingers. Clarke had a very odd affinity for the fruit, and everyone here knew her love for them…And her battle with food.
It took a while for Clarke, after all the traumatic events went down. She couldn’t really stomach eating, especially after the first engagement in the mess hall they all attended, a couple days after she had been removed from her head. Safe to say, not all was forgiven even after Clarke had actually died and come back – it was as if nothing had happened at all. Clarke was fine with that. She was even fine with the clear divide between the main group, everyone from ‘Spacekru’ but Murphy on one side with in a way all the rejects on the other. Even…Clarke shook her head, she couldn’t think about him right now, not when she can feel the heat of stares coming from across the field. She breathed deeply before nodding at her mother and taking a bit of the fruit as her mother held it. It was one of the only things anyone could get her to eat. But she loved them too much to let them get hindered down by the association of memory. She grinned as the purple fruit slithered down her throat and the juice dripped down her lips.
“You enjoying them, Clarke?” Diyoza called suggestively to her. The family chuckled as Clarke had her blue eyes closed in bliss with her lips turned up, her pouty lips covered in the purple liquid. Madi could only giggle at her mother, before dragging the bowl of strawberries (that Diyoza had made up especially for Clarke, Madi thought slyly) towards Clarke and planted it in front of her lap.
-
Clarke sighed as she laid back, half on the blanket and half on the long grass, collecting as much sun as she could as it peered over the overwhelmingly large tree.
“Nomon?” Madi whispered as she laid beside Clarke, her warm, sun-kissed skin pressing into her side. Clarke made an affirming noise, as she shimmied closer to the girl and wrapped her arm across Madi’s waist.
“Could you braid my hair? Jordan and Lucas want to go down to the water later.” Clarke opened her eyes slightly, squinting at the young girl. Her blue-grey eyes peered wide at her, doing the usual puppy-dog eyes. Clarke breathed out a laugh before shaking her head, feeling the grass tickle her ears and neck.
“Okay my little Natblida,” she sighed, and she crunched herself up and into position, while Madi flayed her long limbs about as she excitedly perched in front of Clarke, facing away from her. Unfortunately, it took Clarke a moment to realise in which direction Madi was peering at. When she raised herself into position to start sectioning Madi’s hair apart, did she suddenly feel the heat, as if energized laser beams were being aimed at her. Well, at least two anyway as she suddenly locked eyes with the dark focused glares of Raven and Echo. Usually, Clarke would be unwavering in her stare back, until the ex-assassin and engineer broke their gaze for something worthier than Clarke. But this time Clarke had her daughter. Her excited daughter, who was jiggling and bouncing in her seat on the ground. So, Clarke took a deep breath before turning her gaze away to her daughter’s tresses.
Un-braiding the locks done by Octavia or Gaia, encompassing them into the mass of Madi’s mane, before winding the hair over and under once more. Clarke hummed as she worked, Madi slowly settling and becoming soothed by her mother’s touch. She began to rock side to side, causing Clarke to giggle before moving with her, making sure to tightly hold onto the braids as she rocked. A choked gasp caught her attention, her blue tired eyes meeting his dark chocolate, wearied and bruised eyes. He wasn’t sleeping.
Not her problem anymore. He made sure of that. Clarke scoffed, more like they made sure of that. Clarke shook her head causing Madi to gaze up at her. Clarke gave her a loving smile and stroked her pale hand gently down her neck, caressing her throat before returning to her job. Clarke dropped a kiss onto Madi’s forehead as she gathered the locks in her fist. Madi’s eyes gazed warmly at her before she spoke, “Sing…”
Clarke shakily drew a breath, Madi’s eyes pleaded at her and Clarke realised she hadn’t sung for her since it was just the two of them. Alone. A family.
“Okay,” Clarke smiled, “But only quick, alright?” She raised her eyebrow at her as Madi nodded rapidly, causing Clarke to giggle once more. She placed another kiss on her brow before taking a breath and began to quietly sing.
Come stop your crying
It’ll be alright
Just take my hand
Clarke rubbed Madi’s shoulder as Madi quickly clasped their hands together. The young girl peered up at her, her blue-grey eyes filled with tears and love. Clarke could faintly hear someone breathing deeply, as if they were holding back sobs, but she could only see Madi as she created their bubble once more – separating them from the world.
Hold it tight
I will protect you from, all around you
I will be here, don’t you cry
For one so small, you seem so strong
My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm
This bond between us, can’t be broken
I will be here, don’t you cry
Clarke pinned the rest of Madi’s hair together with the leather tie she kept on her wrist at all times, ready for moments like this. She carded her petite fingers through her mane as wrapped it into a large, relaxed bun on top of Madi’s head. Clarke stroked her hand down the side of Madi’s face, tucking a rogue strand behind her little ear. Madi melted into Clarke’s hold before turning around to fully face her mother, climbing into her lap like she did when she was smaller. Clarke held her head to her as Madi nuzzled into her neck and she continued her soft lullaby.
‘Cause you’ll be in my heart
Yes, you’ll be in my heart
For this day on
Now and forever more
You’ll be in my heart
No matter what, they say
You’ll be here in my heart
Always
“Always…”
Clarke pressed her lips into the side of Madi’s head before pulling back to face those who hated her once more. She jolted in surprise at the shocked expressions painted across their caramel complexions. Though, one did look at her with something more. He looked more like he had been struck by the arrow of cupid as he gazed at Aphrodite…Maybe Persephone was more appropriate.
-
Clarke cleared her throat and pulled her daughter up as she rose from the warmth of the ground. She let of a puff of air, her wisps of hair fluttering from her face as Madi giggled softly. Clarke only felt…warmth…love…as if the sun was shining and sending its rays of light into her chest. She smiled at her beloved natblida before grasping the edges of the blanket, beginning to shake the grass from it as Madi gathered any left objects around. Clarke kept her gaze fixed on the patchwork blanket as she folded it into crisp, neat corners – otherwise Diyoza would be insufferable. More than usual. She couldn’t look into his chocolate eyes. Not now. Not while she was feeling like this. Clarke couldn’t let him see her looking at him when all she felt was pure love. He can never see.
“Come on,” Clarke held out her hand towards Madi as she held the blanket under her arm and Madi grabbed her sketchbook that lay next to her on the grass.
“Let’s go home.”
Madi smiled at her and intertwined their fingers, clasping one another with such love. Clarke slightly swung their arms between them, Madi giggling, as the sun shone down onto mother and daughter.
The two glowed from the shine of the sun.
Bellamy had never seen a sight more beautiful.
Clarke tilted her face up before they reached the shadowy treetops, catching the last sun rays. Her hair shimmered and her pale complexion turned molten gold. Her rosy lips pulled into a warm smile, one that she only reserved for those she truly cared about. He remembers her shining like that once at him when he had been lucky enough to have her love.
Well, maybe he had seen something more beautiful.