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“…I don’t think this thing works…”
Jung Heewon said once she caught her breath from cackling. She held the Affection Reader with her index finger and thumb and as far away from her body as possible. There were synchronized noises of agreement that made Kim Dokja want to cringe and possibly hide from all the looks of judgment. He didn’t ask them to do this. It was all technically Jung Heewon and Lee Jihye’s fault.
It was around that time that Yoo Joonghyuk thought it was a good idea to head back to them with purpose in his long strides. He had a serious expression on his face, his mouth open to tell something but it shut immediately as soon as he saw the Affection reader, his eyes widening in surprise before he forced on a neutral expression. It was quite comical to witness. He just wasn’t sure if it was enough to erase his absolute mortification at the moment.
“Wait! I was thinking,” Jung Heewon said, catching Kim Dokja’s attention again. She was looking at Yoo Joonghyuk with a twinkle in her eye.
Oh dear.
Kim Dokja did not like the rising trepidation he felt when Yoo Joonghyuk didn’t turn around and walk away and looked up at the sky instead, his dark eyes unreadable.
[The Constellation who doesn’t yet have a name would like the incarnation ‘Jung Heewon’ to keep her thoughts to herself.]
She ignored Kim Dokja.
“Yoo Joonghyuk, aren’t you the closest one to this idiot? We should see if the Affection Reader is actually busted or not.”
She said with a placidly polite smile that twitched at the edges. She really wasn’t fooling anyone. Especially Lee Jihye who seemed to have recovered from whatever shock she had and was snickering very openly behind Jung Heewon. Yoo Joonghyuk ignored them and eyed the Affection Reader warily, his left eye glowing golden as he studied it, much to Kim Dokja’s indignation.
[The Constellation who doesn’t yet have a name is asking the incarnation ‘Yoo Joonghyuk’ to walk away.]
The regressor looked up at the sky at that, a faint smile playing on his lips with an eyebrow raised. He walked a few dooming steps closer to Jung Heewon.
He ignored Kim Dokja.
“What are you so scared of, Kim Dokja?”
He asked in a soft rasp, his eyes piercing despite the fact that he wasn’t looking at Kim Dokja directly. He could almost feel the soft baritone against his ear if he focused hard enough, a shuddering breath escaping his lips. It was when tensions were running high and with blood rushing to his cheeks did he feel a sharp pain in his abdomen. He gasped as his vision turned hazy, the horrified screaming of his incarnation ringing in his ears as his conscience faded.
As his conscience rapidly slipped like sand between fingers, he heard a desperate and confused voice,
“Kim Dokja…?”
[You have died]
***
“Kim Dokja,”
He heard a familiar voice call out for him from behind. He turned to see Yoo Joonghyuk, whose lips were twisted in a displeased moue.
They had set up camp to catch a breather. The kids were already asleep and the rest had retired to their respective tents. Only Kim Dokja was out to keep vigil, the light of his phone keeping him company. He blinked in surprise, not expecting Yoo Joonghyuk to show up until they were ready to set out.
“Did you need something…?”
Kim Dokja asked distractedly, looking back at his phone’s screen to make sure he wasn’t losing track of the chapter he was in. Now where did they mention the Demon King selection in detail again —
He jolted when he heard the rustle of a coat and the presence of a warm body right next to him. He stifled a shiver when a broad shoulder brushed against his. He heard a soft huff when he didn’t look away from his phone. Kim Dokja bit his lip. A moment of silence passed before Yoo Joonghyuk made an annoyed noise. A hand covered his phone screen, pushing it away from his face. He didn’t realize his shoulders were raised defensively and the phone was right in front of his face like a defense mechanism until Yoo Joonghyuk had intervened. He forcefully relaxed his shoulders and turned to look at the other man with apprehension. In the scant light of the night, Yoo Joonghyuk’s face was half hidden in shadows, the intensity of the furrow of his brows softened by the poor lighting.
“Go rest. I’ll keep watch.”
He said after a moment, his voice quiet, like he didn’t want to break the silence of the night. Kim Dokja looked away.
“I don’t need to sleep, I’m a constellation now.”
He said, turning his phone screen on again after it turned black from being idle. He saw Yoo Joonghyuk’s fists clench from the periphery of his vision.
“That’s not what I meant.”
Yoo Joonghyuk bit out but did not elaborate, the silence charged with something uncomfortable. He surprisingly broke the silence first after a moment.
“What were you so afraid of when that woman asked me to try that dress on?”
Kim Dokja dropped his phone. It fell with a sad thunk on the ground, his hands raised like he was still holding his phone. He refused to look at the regressor despite the burning stare prickling the back of his neck.
“Why are you asking me this.” Why are you asking me this right now?
He heard a frustrated exhale and a rustle of clothes. He didn’t realize how close Yoo Joonghyuk was to him until he felt his hand brush against his.
“...Just answer me, Kim Dokja.”
Kim Dokja scoffed before he bent down to pick his phone. It was surprisingly fine, there were only a scant few scratches on the screen from the fall. He pocketed it and was about to get up, his casual way of escaping from the impending conversation halted by the iron grip on his wrist.
Yoo Joonghyuk’s hand was warm, the calluses of his fingers brushing the delicate underside of his wrist; over his thrumming pulse.
“ Affection Reader. SS Grade. An item that lets you know what the other person thinks about you. After pressing the button and thinking about the name and appearance of the other person, the affection number will—”
Kim Dokja’s free hand flew to cover Yoo Joonghyuk’s mouth in a hurry, his ears burning in absolute mortification. Why does he remember that?!
“Why do you remember that?!”
He voiced his thoughts out blatantly, his voice pitching higher and cracking. He felt Yoo Joonghyuk’s lips curve against his fingers. He clutched his hand to his chest like it had burned, staring wide eyed at the regressor raising an eyebrow at him, a faint smile playing on his lips. That bastard.
“I want to know how you feel about me.”
Yoo Joonghyuk let his voice drop low into a murmur. It made the heat of the flush that burned his ears to spread towards his neck and cheeks. He cleared his throat, his eyes darting to look at anything that wasn’t the man in front of him.
“...W-why do you want to know that? It has nothing to do with the scenarios…”
He said, stuttering embarrassingly over his words and sneaking a look at Yoo Joonghyuk. The other man’s vaguely teasing expression faded at that, his expression grave. The hand around his wrist turned punishingly tight.
“Incarnation Kim Dokja will die from the one he loves most.”
Yoo Joonghyuk said, repeating the words of the dooming fate Kim Dokja had been cursed with. He felt the coppery tang of blood as he bit the insides of his cheeks.
“I need to know…I need to know if—” He made a noise of frustration like he couldn’t say what he wanted to say in words. Kim Dokja could figure out the gist of it. He smiled wryly, burying the little bit of hurt he felt. It was foolish really…why did he think that Yoo Joonghyuk— he paused. What did he think Yoo Joonghyuk meant by the questions?
He shook his head, taking a deep breath. He was being delusional from everyone misunderstanding his relationship with Yoo Joonghyuk. A case of apophenia if he was being clinical.
“—You want to know if you would play a role in killing me? If you would be a detriment in the future scenarios?...If my use in the scenarios has become too much to afford?”
Each sentence hurt as much as the last but he tamped it down, berating himself for falling for whatever nonsense Uriel believed in. The relationship he had with Yoo Joonghyuk was purely transactional, it was one of mutual benefit. If he was troublesome to Yoo Joonghyuk he would be thrown away, left behind.
“Kim Dokja…! You—” Yoo Joonghyuk said with a dark expression, his vein popping concerningly over his temple. He made to get up but Kim Dokja raised a hand to stop him. It really wasn’t the regressor’s fault that he was cold and calculating. He had to be after losing so much. Kim Dokja refuses to lose his value in Yoo Joonghyuk’s eyes, he will—
[ Constellation ‘████ ████ ██ ███’ has offered the incarnation Yoo Joonghyuk an item to help with the problem he is facing with his companion!]
Both of them looked down at Yoo Joonghyuk’s lap in surprise when a ball of light emerged out of thin air for a moment, a nondescript pair of glasses left in its place.
[Item Description]
Name: Glasses of truth
Rating: ???
Description: The user can see and hear the true feelings of their companion for one hour, after that the item will turn into normal reading glasses. When the glasses are used, the companion will not remember anything within that time limit.
Disclaimer: Only the user can see and hear the true feelings of the companion.
Registered user: Yoo Joonghyuk
“Yoo Joonghyuk,” Kim Dokja said apprehensively, eyeing the glasses with something that almost felt like icy cold fear gripping his heart. He reached out for the glasses but stumbled instead, tripping over Yoo Joonghyuk’s lap as the other man snatched the pair of glasses. His heart was beating frantically in his throat as he looked up at Yoo Joonghyuk. The regressor’s face was unreadable as he put on the glasses. He gently pulled Kim Dokja back up into a sitting position, his hand remaining as a solid presence on his shoulder.
“Don’t see…please..”
He said softly, feeling his lower lip quiver as his vision turned hazy. His eyes burned as he felt a single tear escape his eye and roll down his cheek. He felt hands shaking him as he began to lose his conscience, a frantic Kim Dokja?! was heard before everything started to sound unintelligible. Scant seconds before he blacked out, he saw Yoo Joonghyuk's confused expression, his mouth forming words that Kim Dokja couldn't hear.
Kim Dokja thought he looked really… really nice with glasses.
***
When Yoo Joonghyuk had put on the glasses he didn't know what he was supposed to expect. When he saw Kim Dokja cry and pass out on him he was confused as to how this was supposed to work. He pulled at the glasses on his face and found them stuck like they were super glued. His jaw clenched.
Was this a ruse by the constellations to weaken Kim Dokja and make him look like a fool? He felt his nails bite viciously enough into his palms to make them bleed.
Why did Kim Dokja cry? Why did he want to know the truth behind the infuriating façade that the man had always donned?
It seemed like despite everything, he was always two steps behind. Kim Dokja knew everything about him and he knew nothing. Even now, when Kim Dokja was going to die, he was powerless.
He wanted to save Kim Dokja. He wanted to know who he loved….he wanted to know who he loved so he could—
Yoo Joonghyuk was jolted out of his thoughts when felt something cool on his hand.
"Stop doing that. You're bleeding, Joonghyuk-ah,"
He looked up in surprise to see Kim Dokja's concerned face. He blinked before looking down at his shoulder to see the resting Kim Dokja, his long lashes fluttering against his pale cheeks. He looked up again to see the other Kim Dokja was now kneeling in front of him, taking his bleeding palm in both of his hands. Or at least he tried.
His hands went through Yoo Joonghyuk's hand when he tried lifting them up so he sighed in resignation and stroked the hand gently instead. It was cold but not frigid. It was like the winds of fall caressing his skin.
It was then that he noticed that this other Kim Dokja was paler, almost blue. When he stared at the hands stroking his palm, he realized he could see through them. He looked at the Kim Dokja leaning against his shoulder in alarm and put his fingers beneath his nose. A sigh of relief escaped him when he felt steady breathing against his fingers.
So the item manifested Kim Dokja's conscience…?
"You're so close,"
The apparition whispered. He looked back at the ghostly Kim Dokja in front of him who had taken to absentmindedly stroking his hand as he looked at both him and the sleeping Kim Dokja, a melancholic expression on his face.
"You're so close and I…I can't handle it…you don't know how it makes it hard to breathe, how my thoughts go into disarray."
The apparition said, his pale cheeks flushing red somehow. He leaned on Yoo Joonghyuk, his ghostly cheek resting on his thigh.
"I've…I'm not generally someone people would like to sit next to…especially as close as you are to me,"
He continued, his voice a soft murmur. Kim Dokja's hair looked just as soft in his ghostly form. The hair spilled over onto his black pants as Kim Dokja turned to look at the hand he was still stroking.
"When your shoulder brushed mine and your hand caught my wrist…I thought for a second…I thought for a second that if I were to die then, I wouldn't mind,"
He said with a chuckle, nuzzling into Yoo Joonghyuk's thigh. Kim Dokja hid his face there as the fingers brushing Yoo Joonghyuk's hands trembled. Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to hold his hands.
"I know the things I feel would just be an inconvenience to you…so I'm really glad that I have the fourth wall."
Yoo Joonghyuk's chest tightened.
Is that what Kim Dokja thought of him…? He felt his teeth grind against each other as he clenched his jaw. That was on him. He was never easy on Kim Dokja.
Yoo Joonghyuk would have left Kim Dokja behind if he was this affectionate with him in the earlier scenarios. He would have thought he was an inconvenience. Kim Dokja wasn't wrong. But—
His other hand hovered over Kim Dokja's hair. He didn't dare touch.
"I had... silly thoughts sometimes, when I was really alone…when I had no one…I would imagine you engulfing me in an embrace as I curled up in a cold bed. I decided you'd be warm, your breath against my neck would make my heart race even if it wasn't real,"
He said with a wet laugh. Yoo Joonghyuk could almost imagine feeling phantom tears staining his pants.
"You're…You're so kind and warm and so…so strong even after the world battered you and destroyed you so many times. You think you're cold and cruel but you're so human…despite your years of suffering you're somehow more human than me,"
Yoo Joonghyuk closed his eyes as he took a shuddering breath. No . He thought. No I'm not. His fingers still hovered over Kim Dokja's hair.
"When you said I was your companion, I was so irrationally excited…I wanted to giggle and raise my fist up in the air…isn't that so stupid?"
He laughed before he looked up at Yoo Joonghyuk. His breath caught in his throat as he saw Kim Dokja.
His eyes were glistening with tears, his lashes wet with them. His eyes looked like they held the universe in them, the curve of his lips were bitter but so…so fond.
Yoo Joonghyuk hates the constellations. It's a fact. He still does.
But the only constellation he truly believed was made of stars and crafted by the cosmos itself was kneeling in front of him, this constellation shone brighter than the others in the sky. The only one he would follow even if he had to plummet.
He tried to brush Kim Dokja's hair with his fingers but they went through the strands.
Kim Dokja blinked in surprise, his cheeks flushing again once more. He got up from his place by Yoo Joonghyuk's feet and sat next to him, on the opposite side of his sleeping form.
"...Are you this quiet and indulging because it's a dream…?"
He whispered into the space between them before resting his head on Yoo Joonghyuk's shoulder. Kim Dokja's hand came to rest on his arm, breathing out a soft sigh.
"Of Course it is…you'd probably kill me if I was this close to you…You don't like me very much do you,"
He said, his words bitter and falsely cheerful. Even when he was forced to speak the truth he still tried to put on a façade. Yoo Joonghyuk bit his tongue hard till he could taste blood.
"Even if this is a dream…I'm glad."
Kim Dokja said with a content hum as he nuzzled Yoo Joonghyuk. The cool brushes of air against his neck felt nice. Yoo Joonghyuk made a noise in agreement, to which Kim Dokja let out a surprised bark of laughter.
"Ha…you really…the mind is a scary place, isn't it?"
He murmured as he stroked Yoo Joonghyuk's bicep. When the regressor turned to look at him, he saw that the moonlight did catch on his spectral eyelashes.
"You feel…almost real…so real in a way this is all so…unreal."
He said, his voice small and uncertain. Yoo Joonghyuk placed a hand above the ghostly hand on his bicep and heard a sharp intake of breath.
"Dokja,"
Yoo Joonghyuk said softly. Kim Dokja's hand looked so small and pale underneath his.
"That's…that's not fair…why would you—"
His voice was trembling. Yoo Joonghyuk wanted to gather all of him in his arms.
"Dokja-yah,"
He heard a desperate whine, soft and high near his ear. Kim Dokja's fingers were trembling again.
"You…You feel warmer than I imagined, you know? Before I die I hope you hug me…just once,"
He sounded like he was crying again. Yoo Joonghyuk took a shuddering breath. His eyes burned. He felt a cold hand cradle his cheek and turn him towards Kim Dokja.
"Ah….this dream is too much…why are you crying, you stupid Sunfish?"
He sighed as he looked fondly at Yoo Joonghyuk, tears still rolling down his own cheeks like starlight. Kim Dokja pulled him closer and looked uncertainly at him for a moment before he leaned in. Cold lips brushed against Yoo Joonghyuk's lips and he never felt more devastated than he did at that moment.
"I know this is a dream but…can you promise to kiss me…? Just once…I've never—"
Kim Dokja caught himself before he could finish, laughing bitterly. Yoo Joonghyuk tasted salt on his lips.
"Sorry…I'm being stupid."
He leaned his forehead against Yoo Joonghyuk.
"Let me just…stay like this for a bit, Joonghyuk-ah,"
***
"It was a great story, wasn't it?"
Kim Dokja said as he died slowly in Yoo Joonghyuk's arms. He leaned into the crook of Yoo Joonghyuk's neck. He cupped Kim Dokja's face and moved it to face him. Kim Dokja was pale. Paler than his spectral form that night. He leaned down and put his forehead against Kim Dokja's.
"Kim Dokja," Yoo Joonghyuk said, his voice breaking before kissing him.
His lips were warm this time. They tasted like blood. He felt tears on his cheeks. He doesn't know if they belong to him or Kim Dokja. He felt eyelashes flutter against his skin.
"Your embrace is so warm, Joonghyuk-ah,"