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Geonu is home alone.
Earlier, their manager invited the group out for a special dinner. A reward for a hard day’s work on schedule. Usually, Geonu is up for it, but tonight he’s physically exhausted and, selfishly, wanted some solitude to finish a book he’s been close to finishing but hadn’t had the time.
Well, Geonu wishes he had gone out with his members after all, because after finally getting to the end of this long book, he discovers that the ending is absolutely awful. So much so, a terrible taste is left in his mouth as he places the completed book beside him on the couch, staring into the middle distance of the dorm in the aftereffects of shock.
How could the author do this to me? he thinks with abject horror. Hundreds of pages of beautifully crafted tension and romantic slow build, only to end like that? Vague, open-ended and unfulfilling?
Is romance completely dead?!
There might as well be a hole gouged out in Geonu’s heart, leaving him yearning and wanting for some kind of magic salve. But of course, this is real life, not fiction, and he’s not the protagonist of anything, so he’s just going to go to bed and wallow in his own terrible self pity.
Geonu could’ve sworn he was home alone.
His heart stops to find a mound in his bed where it should be empty. By the shape of the broad shoulders alone, it can be none other than Sangwoo, a frequent bed bandit of his. (“I’m too tired to climb to the bunk,” Sangwoo complained once when Geonu challenged him about it, though Geonu wondered whether that was the real reason and never pressed him on it again, fond and weak as he is for their brilliant maknae).
Endeared, Geonu moves to perch on the edge of the bed, hand hovering over Sangwoo’s sharp shoulder for a second before running it down the length of his arm. The slumbering mound stirs.
“Hyung?” Sangwoo says, voice soft and groggy.
Geonu smiles. “Hey, you.”
“Hi.”
“You’re in my bed.”
“Mm,” Sangwoo murmurs, not taking the hint. A pause and he turns enough to look over his shoulder, and Geonu’s heart stutters at his puffy under eyes and bed hair. Adorable. “It’s cold outside the covers.”
Somehow, Geonu understands that Sangwoo’s extending an invitation to join him. “This is my bed,” he reiterates exasperatedly.
Even still, no movement from Sangwoo other than holding up the comforter, the simple gesture enticing Geonu inside. Geonu shoots him a look before swinging his legs onto the bed and settling in close beside Sangwoo, who wraps a long arm around his back to tuck them in together. Geonu has to will himself not to lean into Sangwoo’s strong, tall, warm body, wanting nothing more to be snuggled and comforted but understanding that there’s a line, and he can’t cross it.
No matter how much he wants to.
Sangwoo and his beautiful mind have always been a wildcard of the group, ever since Geonu first met him at the company, back when their maknae was wide eyed and terrified. He lives in his own world, operates by his own rules, and while it’s something Geonu has always appreciated in him, his affectionate actions don’t necessarily denote love.
Not in the ways Geonu yearns to love him. He tries not to think about his depressing trail of misunderstood signals.
Even if they can never be together in the way Geonu wants, the privilege of being by Sangwoo’s side as a bandmate and watching him grow into a powerful and talented idol full of self-assurance is enough. It’s more than enough.
“Did you come home from the dinner early?” Geonu asks, feeling he needs to keep his voice low in the intimate space between them.
Sangwoo shakes his head, eyes not giving away any particular emotion. “I didn’t go.”
“You didn’t?”
“I’ve been in here the whole time. Did you finish your book?”
“Yeah.”
“What happened?”
Geonu grimaces, the disappointment flooding back. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he mutters. “This close to writing the author a strongly worded email.” Sangwoo beams suddenly, prompting Geonu to narrow his eyes. “What?”
“It’s just funny.”
“It’s not!” Geonu says, pushing him under the covers. “I wasted so many hours on that unsatisfying trash!”
Sangwoo just grins wider – bright and handsome – and Geonu shoves him again, sending Sangwoo into a fit of light, hushed giggles. They tussle for a little longer before the mirth subsides into comfortable silence and Geonu realises how close they’ve gotten; Sangwoo’s hands have somehow found purchase at his sides, just above the curve of his waist. Geonu’s sweater shirt pulled up during the roughhousing, leaving a part of Sangwoo’s palm to connect directly with his skin, where it burns and prickles like hot electricity.
“Sangwoo-yah,” Geonu whispers, breathing picking up in the thick silence. His voice breaks over the name, despite trying to hard to keep it level, but it seems he will always be an affected fool when it comes to Kim fucking Sangwoo.
Without any kind of warning, Sangwoo wraps his arms around Geonu, then presses his face into the side of his neck. Geonu thinks his heart completely stops for a moment or two, fingers tightening into the material of Sangwoo’s loose shirt.
It’s not like Sangwoo hasn’t been this physically close before. It’s not like they’ve mucked around with the others and in front of the cameras for fan service. But tonight feels different: there’s no one else around; no other witnesses to pass it off as a simple blossoming bromance.
It doesn’t mean anything, Geonu had told himself for way too long until the feeling was so strong, he couldn’t even be in denial any longer.
“What are we doing?” Geonu asks, stiff and unmoving as Sangwoo burrows deeper against his neck. His small, soft lips are touching the skin. What would those same lips feel like wrapped around his own?
Sangwoo pulls back enough to look at him. “Put your arms around me too,” he says simply, but not unkindly, and Geonu does as he’s asked, albeit robotically. Their bodies are so pressed together now, faces nose-to-nose, the atmosphere supercharged with thick tension. They’re so close that Geonu can taste Sangwoo’s minty breath puffing against his mouth. “That’s good. Just like that.”
“Sangwoo-yah,” Geonu repeats, desperately this time. “What does this mean?”
“Means I want to hug.”
Geonu’s heartbeat is thundering as he asks, “is that all?”
Sangwoo’s face goes blank in that ridiculously cute way when he’s pondering something over seriously. Then his gaze softens, meeting Geonu’s eyes for a long moment. He looks like he’s about to say something confidently before losing his resolve. “I’m scared,” Sangwoo admits instead.
“Of what?”
“That you’ll say no.”
Geonu is hanging off every word, every touch, every breath. “Please,” he urges. “When it comes to you… I’m probably always going to say yes.”
Sangwoo’s intense eyes widen cutely, before Geonu recognises the flash of desire across his well-cut features. That’s the expression of a man who’s contemplating a kiss. Geonu thinks his heart, and how it’s thrashing beneath his chest, might send him to the emergency room first if Sangwoo doesn’t say it.
Sangwoo leans closer still – how it’s even possible amazes Geonu – petite petal lips plush and parted, large brown eyes flicking down between Geonu’s mouth and up to his gaze.
“Do you want to kiss me?” Geonu asks, trembling all over with hope.
Sangwoo pauses to swallow, then nods, staring hugely, and Geonu’s lips drop open in readiness for a kiss that never comes, as the dorm’s front door noisily sounds, followed by multiple boisterous voices. Geonu is pulled down against Sangwoo’s chest in a last ditch effort to appear like they’re asleep together, and Geonu squeezes his eyes shut, holding Sangwoo deathly tight in their sudden, stressed embrace. He attempts to slow his breathing into something calm and even, but it’s a struggle, made worse by the feel of Sangwoo’s racing heartbeat against his ear.
“Where is– oh,” Limji’s sentence cuts off as he reaches their bedroom, before blurting out, “I didn’t realise you were sleeping.”
They’re forced to stay like that, wrapped around each other, for what feels like an eternity that is likely only minutes. Byeonghee is soon to follow Limji, the two of them chatting lightly to each other while getting changed and discussing the order of who’s going to use the shower. In an unbelievably brazen move, Sangwoo’s thumb stokes the skin at Geonu’s nape almost imperceptibly.
Is he crazy?! Geonu thinks. Vaguely, he senses a mass towering over them, and he holds himself dead still as if his life depends on it.
“Are they really sleeping?” Byeonghee wonders.
“Leave them be,” Limji says. “It’s cute.”
“I wish they’d just confess to each other already– the homoerotic tension is driving me up the wall.”
“Shh! What if they hear you?” Limji admonishes, and it sounds like he’s pulling Byeonghee out of the room.
“I hope they do,” Byeonghee says pointedly, and Geonu doesn’t need to see his face to know there’s an eye roll accompaniment. “Put us all out of our misery.”
A second later, the door clicks shut, and the volume of voices from the dorm dulls to a muffled rumble. Geonu lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, pulling back to level Sangwoo with a relieved look. Sangwoo's face is bright red to the tips of his ears and Geonu doubts his own is faring much better. “Holy shit,” Geonu murmurs, heart still thudding in shock.
“Hyung,” Sangwoo says, tone completely unreadable.
“Yes Sang–?” Geonu starts to say, but doesn’t get to finish as Sangwoo is suddenly upon him, pushing him down upon the bedsheets, fast closing the distance between their lips. As far as first kisses go, it’s awkward, rushed, nervous and wonderful; Geonu immediately sliding his hand up Sangwoo’s back to thread through his hair, grounding him into their embrace. Sangwoo smells like gently perfumed skincare and faintly of his favourite cologne that Limji always chastises him for using too much of at a time. Geonu loves the scent. It’s perfect.
He’s perfect.
They pull back for air, staring at each other in a way that screams: did that just happen, before Geonu reaches up to caress Sangwoo’s face tenderly, running a thumb over the elegant cut of his jaw. Then, he surges forward for a second kiss, one hot, wet mouth meeting a soft, pliant one. Sangwoo lets Geonu take the lead this time, which helps him to arrange their lips into an angle that’s going to be more pleasurable, and once he’s hit the spot, Sangwoo sighs directly into Geonu’s mouth.
“Oh, that’s–” Sangwoo murmurs, the train of thought immediately lost when Geonu next slides his tongue into Sangwoo’s mouth, who eagerly pushes his own up to meet it. A little swirl. A little dance. Hot, warm, delicious. “Oh–”
Geonu is giddy, he’s over the moon, tangling his legs and arms in and around Sangwoo’s body to bring their chests flush. He can’t believe this is happening. He’s never been happier! Their lips are enmeshed passionately, Geonu pushing in deeper, losing himself further, licking and taking one of Sangwoo’s lips between his teeth, which elicits a soft breath of surprise. “Yes,” Geonu agrees, kissing along the red band that’s flushed handsomely across Sangwoo’s cheeks. He’s going to make it his personal mission to kiss and adore every square centimetre of this man’s exquisite body.
“Hyung,” Sangwoo gasps, “oh! That feels… oh—”
The sound of the bedroom door knob turning punches into the room and the both of them slump against the pillow again, pretending to sleep. It’s an uncomfortable position, one of Geonu’s arms trapped under Sangwoo’s ribs at an awkward angle, but he can bear it for the sake of their own dignity and privacy.
“Why’s it so hot in here all of a sudden?” That’s Byeonghee again, voice oozing with suspicion. He pauses, then sighs. “If you two are jerking each other off, you know literally no one cares.”
Against Geonu’s forehead, Sangwoo’s lips turn up into a cheeky smile.
And half hidden by the comforter, Geonu grins in return.