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You can’t expect a fairy tale ending.
But she had at least expected a happy ending. A triumphant ending. An ending where they all went home victorious, having vanquished whatever evils were before them and everyone was content with what they had been given.
Wasn’t that what was happening?
She brushed her hand over one of Gerti’s seats, the rough fabric catching at her skin. Once these seats had been blue, royal and proud. Once they had been comfortable to sit in, no dents from hundreds of people’s backsides, no hard plastic wearing through, no fading or tearing or tape. There had been no flickering lights in the cabin, no sticking lock on the toilet, no sweat and tears poured into years and years of debt.
If she shut her eyes, here, alone in the dark, she could still see Gerti as she once had been. They had aged together. She wasn’t sure that either of them had aged particularly well. But she could never really resent the old girl, not after what they had been through together. Gordon had never been kind to his plane either.
After the divorce, all she had really had were Arthur and Gerti. After all these years, those two were the only ones who had stuck by her, been there for her. Seen all her worst sides and still forgiven her.
“What will I do without you, old girl?” Carolyn whispered to herself. “You’ve looked after me for all these years, it seems almost cruel to give you the chop.” She patted the seat as gently as she would a child’s head. The first time she had been allowed to be the flight attendant on board here, she had worn a deep rose pink and heels that were just a little too high. She’d been caught up in the glamour of the idea of a private charter plane, young enough to believe that this could be her going up in the world but old enough to know she had to dress to impress.
Old enough to know that young and pretty only really applied to you if you were twenty and gorgeous. Once, she had been twenty and gorgeous too. Once, Gerti had been new and she’d been a fresh start for them both.
The first time Carolyn had stepped aboard her plane, it had been the dead of winter and her hands shook. She’d turned on the lights and seen all the flaws highlighted in a fluorescent gloom. It was a floor she’d trodden hundreds of times.
The first thing she did was rip up all the old carpets and lay them down brand new.
It was daft to personify the plane, she knew that. But they’d always done it, she and every other aviator she’d ever known. Especially with Gerti. To her, Gerti was part of the family. Unable to stop it any longer, her eyes flooded with tears. Maybe this really was it.
At least she still had Arthur. For now, anyway. One day, perhaps soon, she’d have to let go of him too. It was selfish not to want him to go, she knew that. But without him, she’d just be a ghost in their big, old house. One day, he’d want to make his own life somewhere without her. She’d have to move. The idea of being alone in that house made her shiver. Phantoms lived in those walls, and alone she didn’t know what to do with them.
Five more minutes. That’s all she needed. Five more minutes to process the ending of her world, to accept that everyone was leaving her and that it was so unfair, despite it being the natural order, despite it being the right thing to do. Just five minutes to stand here, in the plane that had carried her when she’d had nothing else, and say goodbye. Five minutes, then she’d plaster on her fake smile and avoid looking at Herc (because everyone had to leave, everything that she’d ever held onto had to leave) and she’d pretend that she was okay with it all, that she was the old battleaxe they were used to, that she didn’t feel a thing, that-
“Carolyn?”
Footsteps behind her. Her whole world crumbled. She couldn’t help it. He was too gentle and she was too fragile, and she’d never been held like this before.
Oh, Herc.