Work Text:
Grim is going to see Kate after a series of fairly traumatic happenings. She and Muggs have been in an altercation involving the fate of their shared connection Julia. Kate has had a quick call, almost overdosing on opium from grief. She's angry and uninterested in speaking with anyone. She's warned Mary and Spot to stay away from her and refuses to return home.
Grim ambles up the steps from the attic of the building to the roof, see’s Kate leaning against the ledge, smoking a cigarette. Her eyes are in a faraway place, her hair messily pulled back with tangled curls framing her face. A sadness and fatigue are creased into her face, dark circles under her eyes. She appears not to notice him walking towards her---doesn’t flinch at all when he leans against the ledge next to her, but a respectable distance away for her comfort. Her hands are shaky as she brings the cigarette to her lips and inhales.
Grim: Y’know, ketsele, you had us all worried. Panicked even. Disappearing like that for a week, no note or word. It’s honestly kind of a miracle you found your way to Doc’s after everything.
Kate: (eyes still distant, takes a shaky puff off the cigarette in her hand, her lips quivering as she blows out the smoke) Wasn’t so much my doing, making it to Doc’s place. Pretty sure I was handling things my own way before I was so rudely interrupted.
Grim: (nods slowly, barely wincing at the casual mention of her purposeful overdose) Still, it’s good to see you back. Alive and well after everything.
Kate’s body is still, as she brings the cigarette back to her mouth for a quick inhale. Grim thinks he sees her eyes twitch just slightly at his words, but she maintains her passive affect.
Kate: (eyes empty as she huffs before murmuring harshly) Is it? I don’t think many share your relief……myself included.
Grim studies her for a few quiet moments, sensing a much deeper pain beneath her harsh refusals to open up thus far. She’s responding poorly to his kindness, shutting down at any soft attempt to reach her. He sighs, somewhat worried about her state, feeling the need to be honest.
Grim: I talked to Mary earlier today.
He looks at her waiting for a response—an acknowledgment that she’s even still listening. And after several moments, he sees her shoulders lift into a subtle shrug, giving him some allowance to continue.
Grim: (looking concerned but speaking gently) She says you’re thinkin’ about leavin’. Just disappearin’ for good, no questions asked. One way or another.
Kate sighs, closing her eyes for a moment, as if to settle her own thoughts. Finally, she nods slowly, still avoiding eye contact.
Kate: Not that it’s any of her concern—or yours for that matter—but yes. That’s what I’ve started to settle on. Leaving—(her hand trembles as she blinks rapidly before whispering) one way or another.
Grim: (nods slowly) And my guess is Spot’s been trying to talk you out of it—tryin’ to make you understand that runnin’ ain’t the answer to any of this.
Kate: (eyes widen minutely as she shakes her head and huffs) So it’s him that’s sent you here to have words with me, then? Talk me off the ledge, so to speak?
Kate’s lips turn up slightly at her pun—a smile, Grim notes, that doesn’t reach her eyes or the rest of her face. Grim smiles gently in kind before he considers her guarded statements for several quiet moments.
Grim: I’m pretty sure you know Spot better than anyone at this point….do you think he’d send someone else to speak for him?
Kate’s eyes dart to Grim for the first time since the convo started. She looks surprised and suspicious, staring hard into his eyes before shrugging.
Kate: That’s a fair point. But, if you aren’t here for Spot, then I’m not sure what you’re playing at. Why would you be in any way concerned about my situation?
She shoots Grim a harsh, skeptical look, her jaw tightening.
Kate: Spot’s at least got some personal stake with me. I’ve shared his bed on and off for years—which is unfortunately, something he seems to think gives him a say in my choices. (She rolls her eyes, a flush of anger rising in her cheeks) Though I’m having a hard time conceding to the validity of that.
Grim squints at her, seeming somewhat confused by her assertions.
Grim: (frowns, shaking his head) We’ve known each other for quite some time too, Kate. Several years, in fact. In some ways, you’ve been on the scene more than Spot. So, why wouldn’t I be concerned about you?
Kate: (scoffs) Time’s got nothing to do with connection. Nor for that matter does proximity.
Her eyes narrow as she shakes her head, a bitter laugh leaving her lips.
Kate: Shit, I spent nine months within my mother’s womb—as close as humanly possible to someone else—and she and I are no more than strangers.
She pauses, huffing and shaking her head, attempting to keep her emotions at bay. She takes another quick puff off the cigarette.
Kate: (irritably, having trouble maintaining her closed off façade) I mean, really though. What the hell do you care if I leave or stay? You’re his friend…..not mine. So, you should be there with him—not here manufacturing some meaningless connection with me.
Grim stares calmly and quietly out into the darkening sky for several moments, seeming undeterred by her cold reception. Then he nods to himself before turning back toward Kate’s still avoidant, but visibly trembling stance.
Grim: I feel like we oughta set the record straight with some a’ your claims here, ketsele. ‘Cause it seems you’ve got quite a few things misconstrued about yourself and everyone else.
He looks steadily toward her, waiting until her eyes flash momentarily into his before he continues again.
Grim: First off, you’re not just a bedmate to Spot. And deep down—somewhere in there—you know it too. (He smiles affectionately) He’s been over the moon about you for years—he’s bent over backwards to help you since we pulled you outa Queens—doin’ whatever he can to bring you back. Even after months of you pushin’ him as far away as possible he insists on stayin’ by your side. He loves you, ketsele. A real, powerful, long-lasting kinda thing. And it’s about time you start acceptin’ that as the fact it is.
Kate’s eyes widen, her lips quivering slightly. Though Grim’s voice is calm and soft, his words seem to physically jolt her. She stares unblinkingly toward him, face pale, seemingly shocked.
Grim: (nods before gently continuing) Another thing you needta start understandin’ is that you’re one of us. The minute you became important to Julia all those years ago, you also became important to the rest of us.
Kate’s eyes contract in pain, her head shaking at the mention of Julia. She blinks rapidly, attempting to fight against the emotions beginning to surface. But Grim remains steady, though still gentle.
Grim: (he smiles kindly toward Kate) It’s okay to say her name, ketsele. It’s okay to talk about her—say how important she was—how she was everything. ‘Cause that’s how it works with people like us, isn’t it? The type of lives we’ve all had—it don’t leave room for much consistency. Much hope or trust. But that’s why we’ve got each other, in good and bad.
Kate’s trembling so badly she can barely get the cigarette in her hand to her mouth. Grim sees she’s struggling to hold herself together, knows she probably feels too exposed. That if he pushes on those specific wounds too much, she’ll unravel and close off again. So he offers her something personal to give her a moment to collect herself.
Grim: Y’know, I used to think it was easier to not think about all the bad shit either. To pretend like it wasn’t real—that it didn’t happen. It was so much easier to escape to a place where feelings didn’t matter—where nothing mattered—not one thing. (he smiles sadly) Sometimes I still do.
Kate turns suspiciously toward him, her eyes searching his face. But she remains silent, instead taking another inhale from her cigarette, her movements less shaky. Grim regards her, patiently waiting another moment before continuing.
Grim: I hurt the people I was supposed to love the most—lost the ones I was supposed to protect. So I started to figure….what the hell’s the point, y’know?
Kate again remains silent but offers a short nod in affirmation, her emotions seeming to calm into a much more manageable state. Grim sighs, turning around to lean his back against the ledge, crossing his arms comfortably over his chest.
Grim: My girl….Natalie….you woulda loved ‘er, ketsele. She was smart and kind….beautiful….just all around everything right with this world. And only God knows why…..but she wanted to be mine.
His smile is sad, his eyes distant. Kate’s features soften somewhat in response to his vulnerable statement. Several quiet moments pass between them, Kate taking one more long inhale from her cigarette before stubbing it out on the ledge and tossing away the remnant.
Kate: (softly) Tom told me…..about her. About what happened.
She turns her face toward him, her tired eyes searching his somewhat strained features.
Kate: (sighs) It probably won’t mean much coming from me, since I didn’t really know her personally…but……I’m so very sorry, Grim. For your loss. I really am.
She stares meaningfully at him when their eyes meet. He nods offering an appreciative smile.
Kate: (looking off into the distance) From what I know about the circumstances of…..well, everything that went on……the type of person you are. It’s just so….wrong….completely unjust—that something so very terrible could be done to someone as kind and…….and good as you. An anguish that’s neither reasonable nor warranted.
Grim: (quietly with a shrug) There’s plenty a’ fault to go around. Plenty I shoulda done differently. Sometimes Spot’s too quick to put me on a pedestal. I’m certainly no saint, ketsele.
Grim regards Kate in quiet sadness but narrows his eyes as he notes her chuckle and smile.
Kate: (flits her gaze to Grim’s, a soft smile on her face) You’ve known Spot Conlon for a long time, Grim. Do you really think he’s the type of person to make up fairy tales in his head? I’d be shocked to learn that he was that naïve or ill-informed—that wrong about someone he’s known all his life.
Grim: (gently chuckles, shaking his head) I guess that’s a fair point.
Kate: (nods with a small, strained smile, looking back out over the city) Besides, it’s not the saints that need that kind of grace—that extra compassion and assurance. It’s the sinners, isn’t it?
Grim’s eyes widen, somewhat taken aback by her weighty, insightful reflections. He looks her over for several quiet moments, taking in the troubled shadow slowly passing back over her face, thinking through his next statement.
Grim: So, if every strugglin’ soul is owed some grace, why do you keep runnin’ from all the people tryin’ to give you your fair share a’ that?
Kate turns quickly back to look at Grim, her eyebrows furrowed, clearly surprised by his call-out.
Kate: That’s—that’s not what I was—(she huffs emotionally, shaking her head and turning her eyes away from him) It doesn’t apply to me or my—my situation….not like it applies to yours.
Grim: (regards her quietly for a moment) How do you figure?
Kate: (appears to be struggling with her emotions again and her answer) Because. Because you lost the woman you loved and your child. Not from anything you did. But from a system that’s immoral and broken—from monsters that take pleasure in perpetrating violence against the defenseless, that get high on causing other’s pain.
She paused, crossing her arms tensely over her chest, her lips quivering somewhat.
Kate: (whispers) You run—you escape to quiet the grief. That’s not what I’m doing.
Grim: (narrows his eyes in concern, still patient and even-tempered) Alright……then explain how it’s different—what you’re doing….and why you’re doin’ it.
Kate looks overwhelmed. She purses her lips and shakes her head, her eyes avoidant.
Kate: I run—I stay away and cut ties because I played with fire. But, instead of just hurting myself, I ended up getting everyone else around me burned. And so me leaving—removing myself—it’s what needs to be done. It’s safer that way. Better—for everyone involved. Especially Spot.
Grim looks sad, a pained expression crossing his face as he watches Kate wrap her arms tightly around her body, her eyes glassy with emotion.
Grim: You think you’re keepin’ people safe. That if you leave, they’ll be better off.
Kate nods shortly, sniffling and trying to contain her emotions.
Grim: (regards her seriously) Why?
Kate: (quiet emotional whisper, a few tears spill onto her face) Because I—I challenged the devil to a fight I was always going to lose. I was foolish.
Grim’s eyes squint in sadness as he watches more tears fall onto Kate’s face, her hands roughly wiping away the wetness before she wraps her arms tightly around her abdomen. She sways slightly, as if rocking herself, a soft sob falling from her lips.
Kate: (she shakes her head, more tears spilling down her cheeks before saying a little more forcefully) I—I didn’t mean….(she sniffles, lips quivering) I didn’t want any of this to happen. I didn’t know or understand who I was up against. What he was willing to do to just—just amuse himself. I tried to fight against him, to stop him. I really did, Grim. With everything I had. But—but no matter what I did, what I sacrificed—how I begged—he still won.
Kate seems to be getting more frazzled, more upset as she continues to cry, words spilling forth with such force that she seems unable to contain them any longer.
Kate: And with a man like him….it’s—it’s not enough to just win. The ones that dare challenge him—even a little—they pay a hefty price. And—and I fought him tooth and nail, for as long as I could. I repeatedly undermined him…..pushed as hard as I could. I stabbed him, Grim.
She looks toward him, tears freely falling down her face.
Kate: So, he’ll never be done, making me suffer. He—he took everything. He took—took Julia, took my freedom, took my purpose….my hope. My fucking soul. And he—he burned them to ashes in front of my face.
She cries harder, her body shaking uncontrollably. Grim gently goes to her putting his arm gently around her shoulders. She surprisingly allows it, still clutching herself as she cries.
Grim: (gently murmurs) It’s gonna be okay, ketsele. I know this man’s got you scared, but it’ll be okay.
Kate: (gaze lifts to Grim’s, eyes chaotic and terrified) How? How the fuck can it be okay? Do you know what he does? What he gets away with? Every day? Every single fucking day, Grim. Who he has in his pockets? You have no idea—no idea what kind of man he is. What he’ll do. He won’t be defeated. He’ll kill everyone on this earth if that’s what it takes for him to win. And if I interfere again, even by myself, he’ll destroy everything—everyone I’ve ever known. Every single thing I’ve ever cared about. Anyone who knows my name.
Kate: (staring hard at Grim, more tears falling down her face) So, I’ll take his name—what he’s done, who he’s maimed and murdered—I’ll take it all to my grave. One he’s no doubt already had excavated just for me. Because fighting against him, regardless of the horrible things he does, all the innocent girls he hurts, is useless. And I’ll be damned if anyone else will fall into his clutches because of me. So, all that’s left for me is to disappear. What else can I do?
Grim regards her quietly as she attempts to get her sobs under control, pulsing her gently against him. Finally, she pulls away, wiping her hands over her tear-stained face before she looks at him in despair.
Grim: (a smile growing on his face as he steadily states) What you do is stay and keep fighting. Keep leading the charge, ketsele. But this time, it won’t be just you, by yourself. You’ll have an army the likes this city’s never seen—soldiers ready to rush into the fire right alongside you. All you gotta do is let us in. Give us a chance to fight with you this time.
Kate looks stunned by his words, shaking her head overwhelmed and disbelieving. Grim grasps her shoulders gently, pulling her attention back to him.
Grim: You, Katherine Moore, aren’t goin’ anywhere. ‘Cause I don’t know if you noticed, but not one of us has fought our way out of this hell yet. So all we can do is keep pushin’ forward. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll stand a chance doin’ it together.