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HOSHI announces first world tour ‘SOLO’ 

KME has announced Hoshi’s first world tour ‘SOLO’ set to begin in July.

The world tour will begin with two concerts in Seoul on July 7 & 8 followed by concerts in Tokyo July 19 and Osaka July 22. Dates in Asia and North America are planned.

This world tour was eagerly awaited by fans after Hoshi’s recent nominations and coveted Artist of the Year award at MAMA. The win was not predicted, but was received well by netizens after the shock of his elimination on IDOL 101 two years ago. Since then, Hoshi’s support has increased, making him number two in overall album sales last year.

In a statement released by KME today, Hoshi expressed his love for his fans:

“I am excited to meet fans across the globe who have supported me. I want to bring the best performances to fans who I love more than anyone else. This tour is to show my gratitude and have a chance to meet face to face for the first time.”

Read the full list of dates below. Tickets for Seoul are available for purchase May 4. Tickets for Japan are available for purchase May 20.

25 Days Until Jeon Wonwoo’s Birthday

Wonwoo considers himself to be an exceedingly average person. He does not mean this in a self-deprecating way.

His weekdays are primarily spent in the office, fixing the menial technical problems of a multi-billion won insurance company. It’s the type of job an average person with a computer science degree would aspire to. Adequate compensation, genial coworkers, a competitive benefits package. His parents are very proud of his achievements.

At six in the evening, every day, Wonwoo maintains a routine that brings him a sense of comfort. He spends a few minutes shutting down the various programs on his computer, then he stands, loosens his tie, and depending on the weather, rolls his sleeves to ease the heat he’ll undoubtedly encounter on his walk.

Next, he’ll slip his well worn messenger bag over his shoulder, and his desk mate Joshua will turn to him and say:

“Wonwoo-ssi, any plans today?” 

Joshua Hong is the type of person who likely didn’t aspire to be in the IT department. In fact, Wonwoo isn’t really sure how he managed to get the position in the first place. He’s not really tech-minded like the rest of the department. But he is the best at handling the dial-in requests, so Wonwoo appreciates how little he has to talk on the phone when Joshua is around.

“Just heading home,” Wonwoo replies, the same as always.

Joshua looks over his shoulder at the louder group of their coworkers gathering by the elevator. They don’t have anyone to rush home to, because they’re all single, as is Joshua, and to their knowledge, Wonwoo.

“Why don’t you come out for a beer with us?” Joshua tries. 

Ah, the Friday routine , Wonwoo thinks. Friday already? He loses track these days. He hasn’t been getting much sleep with everything else going on.

“Oh, no thank you,” Wonwoo deflects. “I don’t really like beer.”

“Maybe, you can just have chicken then?” Joshua pushes.

“It’s okay. I have to...get home to my fish.”

Joshua’s blinks at him with his big, bright doe eyes. “Your fish,” he deadpans.

“Oh yeah,” Wonwoo says. He really isn’t lying. Goyangi has to be fed at seven thirty on the dot or else she gets fussy. Seungcheol can’t be depended on to feed her when nobody else is around. “My um…fish. She’s a bit spoiled.”

One of their coworkers, a loud one named Jun, cuts into the conversation. “He probably means his girlfriend that he hides from the rest of us.”

Wonwoo blanches. Not a girlfriend. Definitely not a girlfriend. The hiding part however, that’s not entirely incorrect.

He steps into the elevator with the rest of them and Joshua gets as close as possible to Wonwoo in the elevator car. To Joshua’s credit, he’s incredibly nice, almost the nicest person Wonwoo has ever encountered in the male-dominated technology sector. He seems to take on the department morale as if it’s his own singular responsibility.

“Wonwoo-ssi,” Joshua says politely, over the din of their coworkers chatting in the confined space. “You usually don’t spend much time with anyone, and you’ve been here the longest.”

Wonwoo has never been particularly adept at forming genuine human connection. He doesn’t really see much point in talking unless it’s absolutely required of him to do so. 

“I’m just quiet,” he explains. Besides, Joshua is his deskmate, he’s Wonwoo’s closest work friend.

Joshua nods with patient understanding. “But I don’t know anything about you and we sit next to each other every day. Like where you’re from. Your birthday. Things you’d usually learn about when you’re with someone all the time.”

Perhaps not close friends, then.

“Changwon. 17 July 1996,” Wonwoo mumbles. The elevator cannot make its descent fast enough. 

“Oh,” Joshua brightens. “That’s coming up soon! Let us take you for a beer that day at least. We should celebrate.”

“Maybe,” Wonwoo lies. He feels uncomfortable lying to Joshua. He likes Joshua, for his kind eyes and the way he talks to people on the phone when their computer won’t turn on.

The elevator reaches the ground floor and all of them step out in the large atrium lobby. Hundreds of office workers that look just like Wonwoo criss-cross paths across the marble floor, headed without a thought towards home like honey bees returning to their hive. Wonwoo starts off towards the south entrance of the building, but Joshua doesn’t let him go. 

“Why don’t we at least walk all together to the subway?” 

Wonwoo looks around, careful not to meet Joshua’s eyes. In three years, he’s avoided any real questions about where exactly he goes after the day is over. Most people just ignore him outright after he rejects their offers for socialization, but not Joshua. He’s not sure how to respond to the question without tangling himself in a web of complicated lies or just outright blurting the truth. 

He evidently takes too long to reply, because Joshua starts to laugh. “You don’t live in Gangnam, right? Which line are you going to?”

Of course, Wonwoo doesn’t live in Gangnam. Wonwoo lives in a mediocre apartment in Yeongdeungpo that’s a pain in the ass to get to during the evening weekday commute. Wonwoo couldn’t afford the key money for an apartment in Gangnam even if he saved every single won he didn’t send back to his parents.

His boyfriend, however, does live in Gangnam.

“Sorry, Joshua-ssi. I have to get going,” Wonwoo says apologetically. He gives Joshua a polite bow of his head, and walks away as quickly as he can.

**

Soonyoung’s apartment is on the twentieth floor and has an unobstructed view of the Han river. Almost everything in it is paneled in white oak, and the neutral colored, modern-looking furniture was selected exclusively by an interior designer. The whole place has cutting edge technology from a built in AI system to a futuristic fridge with a phone app that Soonyoung can hardly even operate. 

The only things that differentiate the space from something out of a magazine, and somewhere that Soonyoung lives, is Soonyoung’s unreasonably large collection of shoes stacked by the front door.

Wonwoo isn’t used to Soonyoung living in such a nice place, even two years after he moved in. His old apartment was in Mapo, shared by a few other trainees. It offered the exact opposite of luxury, or privacy. Rather, it meant that Wonwoo had to spend most of the time holed up in Soonyoung’s bedroom, keeping their voices and giddy laughter hushed so nobody knew Wonwoo had snuck in again.

Soonyoung had gained real privacy and the freedom to have Wonwoo around in his new apartment. Unfortunately, the cost was the loss of time to actually spend with Wonwoo. Neither of them acknowledge this very often.

Wonwoo lays on Soonyoung’s oversized couch after eating dinner, half finished book dogeared on his stomach, long forgotten. It’s nearly ten thirty at night.

“He’s late again, Goyangi,” he mutters, looking at the fishbowl on the coffee table. Inside, a strangely misshapen Ryukin goldfish, about the size and general shape of a walnut, flutters her long fins. Her big bulging eyes seem to say of course he is, he’s always late . Wonwoo smiles at her. 

Goyangi isn’t the name he would have chosen, but she was named by Soonyoung and Wonwoo didn’t have the heart to change it. Wonwoo had wanted a cat his whole life and Soonyoung had suggested they get a pet together once he moved into his own apartment. However, Soonyoung’s feline allergy promptly ended that plan before it even got past the earliest planning stages. 

Hence the compromise. Cat the Fish. Cute, in a way.

“I wonder if he’ll be much longer,” he thinks aloud. Soonyoung was meant to be home by nine. He’s always supposed to be home by nine. He’s only achieved that once in the entire time he’s known Wonwoo and it was only because he drank too much milk at the recording studio.

“Maybe I should have gone with Joshua? Soonyoung keeps telling me I need to make friends.”

Goyangi flicks her top fin in response.

“You’re right,” Wonwoo says. He sits up. “He’s pretty suspicious of me now I think.”

For a few seconds, Goyangi’s gills move rhythmically in and out from her tiny, bulbous body. Then she releases enough air to sink further down to the multicolored pebbles at the bottom of her bowl.

“Relax, I doubt he’d guess what the truth is. Probably just thinks I’m the CEO’s nephew or something.”

Sometimes Wonwoo feels like he’s moonlighting as two different people. During the day, he’s the average single, male office worker, laboring away his youth to make enough money so his father can retire comfortably. A creature of routine that you probably couldn’t pick out of a crowd. A guy who regularly spills energy drinks on his work slacks and considers his only hobby to be found in League of Legends lobbies. 

Outside of that, there is a truth only known by three people in the entire world, not counting himself and Soonyoung. Not even his parents know.

Wonwoo is the long term boyfriend of the award-winning, household-name-possessing, viral-dance-sensation, singularly-named, solo artist, Hoshi.

It gives him solace knowing that there’s no way on earth Joshua would ever guess that .

At exactly ten forty-five, the electronic lock to the front door beeps and Wonwoo practically leaps off the couch before realizing how pathetic it looks. He glances at Goyangi, who tips her body upwards to give Wonwoo her usual bug-eyed stare. This one says what are you, a dog?

“Jagiii! I’m home,” Soonyoung calls. 

He skips into the living room, wearing his normal after-practice gear - joggers, tank-top, dust mask pulled down to his chin. His hair is still mid-way through being bleached to his iconic platinum blonde, now benchmarked at an un-toned corn-yellow, and so wet with sweat it looks like he’s dunked his head into a bucket of water.

Wonwoo holds his hands away from Soonyoung's body as Soonyoung leans up for a quick peck on the lips. He grins at Wonwoo, frowning when he notices that Wonwoo isn’t hugging him.

“You’re sweaty,” Wonwoo explains. “Really sweaty. Sorry.” 

He wishes he could though. Wishes he could scoop his boyfriend up into his arms and squeeze him until he popped. It’s mortifying how much Wonwoo starts to miss him when he’s not around.

Seungcheol pointedly stomps his way into the kitchen behind them, arms piled high with groceries and packages, a plastic bag with drycleaning balanced on his shoulder. “Manager-nim, is here too,” he yells. “Don’t be gross.”

“Don’t worry, I’m going to shower, crybaby-hyung,” Soonyoung says, sticking his tongue out at Seungcheol. Seungcheol sticks his tongue out back and Soonyoung practically ricochets off the hallway walls on the way to his bedroom. 

“Hi, hyung,” Wonwoo cautions in Seungcheol’s general direction. He looks frazzled, nearly so tired he might collapse. “He’s in a good mood huh?”

“Yeah now that he’s home with you. He’s driving me crazy,” he grouches, dumping all the packages on the countertop. “But if I killed him I’d probably get fired.”

As far as managers go, Seungcheol goes above and beyond for Soonyoung. He’s only one year older than them and started the job when he was only twenty-two. Back then, he was taking care of all the trainees rather than just Soonyoung’s solo activities. 

He’s lasted a lot longer as a manager than what’s typical for the industry. Soonyoung tends to have that effect on people. Everyone believes in him so much they’re willing to do whatever is necessary to help him reach his goal. Even if it’s at the expense of their own comfort and sanity. Wonwoo and Seungcheol have a lot in common in that way.

Seungcheol is his only real friend, actually. Possibly because of their positions in life being so similar; one foot in the normal world, one foot in the idol world. He knows the truth about Wonwoo and Soonyoung, which also makes him an accomplice, so they’re naturally drawn together in that way. Plus Seungcheol is probably the best League of Legends Top Wonwoo has ever played with. He likes having him around.

“Sorry, hyung. You get to go home soon right?” Wonwoo asks.

“Now that I’ve dropped him off with the night shift? Yes,” Seungcheol says into the refrigerator, organizing a row of protein shakes. Wonwoo assumes he’s the night shift . 

“Touring seems like it’s worse than a comeback.”

Seungcheol finishes with his groceries and plops like raw dough into one of the barstools at the kitchen island. “It is,” he sighs, shoving the heels of his palms into his eyes. “I don’t know how he does it. He went over the same eight-count for a full hour today, Wonwoo-ya. He’s certifiably insane.”

This is meant in a positive way of course. Soonyoung’s fame is a product of his perfectionism. 

“Okay,” Seungcheol says, steeling himself with a hefty breath. “So, new face wash from the dermatologist is in the brown bag, please make sure he washes his face with it and not the old stuff, it’s making him break out. He ate dinner, but he didn’t take the nighttime vitamins yet so please make sure he takes those. He only listens to you when it comes to those vitamin packs.”

Wonwoo inspects the new prescription. “Okay.”

“KME should really put you on the payroll, you know?”

Wonwoo smiles to himself. KME would probably sue him before they paid him, but that’s not worth arguing.

Seungcheol stands and walks around the big, quartz kitchen island. He snatches his phone up off the counter. “Here’s the schedule for next month. Busy, obviously, with the tour. But uh…I didn’t realize before…the Japan leg starts around your birthday.”

Wonwoo cocks his head. “Oh, yeah. I know.”

Seungcheol levels him with a strange look. Like Wonwoo is growing a second head. “You don’t seem that upset about it.”

“It’s just a birthday.”

He and Soonyoung had already talked about this. Back when the tour plans were in the fledgling state. It didn’t matter to Wonwoo at all. He usually didn’t like to make a big deal out of his birthdays. It was too much attention on him. Even being sung to as a kid made him want to be literally anywhere else on earth than behind the candles of a birthday cake.

Birthdays were Soonyoung’s thing. He likes attention. Celebration. Anything they’ve ever done in the past was his idea and Wonwoo had simply gone along with it to make him happy. Even then it wasn’t anything too extravagant. Seaweed soup in the morning before work, a small, practical, but slightly overpriced gift that Wonwoo would never buy for himself. 

Last year it was a new mouse for his computer. Before that, a tie. 

“Are you not gonna go to Japan then?” Seungcheol asks, scandalized.

“No, I have to work.”

“So you’re not coming to any of the dates in the States, or Asia?”

Wonwoo scowls. “I’m going to the first night in Seoul.”

Seungcheol blinks. Wonwoo can watch the cogs turning in his head, like he’s thinking of an argument. Luckily, Seungcheol’s bruised, overworked eyes roll in defeat. Too tired to argue about anything not within the scope of his job description. 

“Okay,” he says, flatly. “Sure.”

“Why don’t you go get some sleep?” Wonwoo offers. He picks up the drycleaning that’s been haphazardly balanced on one of the barstools. “I can take care of everything from here.”

Seungcheol, at least, seems grateful for that. He leaves with an unnecessarily strong pat on Wonwoo’s back and a mumbled confirmation of some ungodly hour he’d be returning for Soonyoung in the morning. Wonwoo and Goyangi exchange glances before he heads to Soonyoung’s bedroom to put everything Seungcheol left out away.

**

Wonwoo plays a role in Soonyoung’s career and he takes it seriously.

The supportive boyfriend. The one who gives Soonyoung a place to rest when his wings are tired from soaring so high. Soonyoung can go anywhere in the world and Wonwoo will be right where Soonyoung left him, ready to welcome him home.

Soonyoung is lying on the couch, vitamins ingested, face washed, still pink and raisin-like from such a long, hot shower. He’s snuggled into one of Wonwoo’s sweatshirts, and despite Soonyoung being physically more muscular than Wonwoo, he swims in the size extra large hoodie Wonwoo has to buy in order to accommodate his remarkably wide shoulders.

Wonwoo sits on the opposite side of the couch with Soonyoung’s bare, blistered feet in his lap.

“I’m just ready for the tour to start,” Soonyoung grumbles, frustrated, tugging the strings of the hood so it closes around his head like a camera aperture. “I hate the choreography changes for Touch Me, the new dance break looks sloppy.”

Wonwoo knows based on experience that it’s useless to placate Soonyoung in a state like this. Saying it’s okay or I’m sure it looks great will be meaningless. Soonyoung needs to work through his feelings on his own performance quality with physical movement, just doing it, until he’s finally satisfied himself.

Instead, Wonwoo takes the opportunity to start massaging Soonyoung’s right foot. He places his palm flat on Soonyoung’s toes, flexing backwards to stretch his arches, then digs his thumbs into them. Immediately, Soonyoung twitches and groans. He laughs, airy.

“My whole body is so sore,” he sighs. “That feels really good.”

“I bet,” Wonwoo says. Soonyoung always pushes himself all the way up to the limits of what his body can handle, and then goes over the edge. Usually the effects don’t hit him until promotions are over, but this isn’t a promotion. This is a tour. Soonyoung is going to leave for two and half months and be working hard every single day.

Wonwoo switches to stretching out the left foot. It’s the least he can do.

“Thank you, Nonu,” Soonyoung hums.

Wonwoo looks up to see Soonyoung’s eyes closed, mouth slack. He smiles and focuses on working out the knots in the arches of his feet with his knuckles, only stopping to move up to Soonyoung’s calves.

“What was your day like?” Soonyoung yawns.

He swirls his thumb into Soonyoung’s right calf and Soonyoung hums. There’s no use in telling Soonyoung about Joshua, he has enough to be worried about. Wonwoo’s problems are miniscule compared to getting on stage for thousands of paying ticket holders.

“It was fine,” Wonwoo answers.

“Nothing good?” Soonyoung presses.

“Not really.”

“Nothing bad?” Soonyoung says gloomily.

“No.”

“Really? Nothing happened at all?”

“Mm-mm,” Wonwoo hums distractedly.

They started doing laser treatments on Soonyoung’s legs. It’s strange to see him so hairless all the time now. But a deep-seated part of Wonwoo latches onto it like a new fascination. Soonyoung’s skin is always so smooth, soft like silk, legs a creamy pink like rose petals.

Admittedly, Wonwoo starts touching more than he’s massaging. Relishing the quiet noises Soonyoung keeps making in the back of his throat. He traces his fingers across Soonyoung’s shin bones, following the path up to the knobs of his badly bruised knees. Lecherously, Wonwoo slides his right palm a bit higher, into the space between Soonyoung’s inner-thighs.

Soonyoung’s eyes are still closed, breathing softly. Wonwoo bites his lip and moves his hand just a bit higher before making the slow descent back down. He takes hold of Soonyoung’s delicate ankle, fingers meeting his thumb.

“Spent most of my day missing you,” he admits in a whisper. He lifts Soonyoung’s ankle to his mouth, opens his lips and closes them around the ankle bone, tongue darting out to taste the soap on Soonyoung’s skin.

They haven’t exactly had any time for intimacy in a while. Wonwoo misses him in that way, too. 

He spends a lot of his time nostalgic for the days before Soonyoung’s debut. When Soonyoung would keep Wonwoo in his dorm bed all morning, kissing him stupid, touching every part of each other before they had to go back out into the world.

Wonwoo closes his eyes, kissing Soonyoung’s ankle again, higher. And again, higher. Until he can’t reach any further without turning his body.

Soonyoung’s eyes are still closed.

“Young-ah?” he says softly, voice huskier than he realizes. He’s horny. Worked up just from kissing Soonyoung’s legs.

Soonyoung doesn’t respond.

“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo whispers, setting Soonyoung’s leg back down. 

Soonyoung doesn’t answer, because Soonyoung is asleep. 

Disappointment twists inside Wonwoo before he can stop himself. It’s selfish to feel that way. Soonyoung is busy. The busiest he’s ever been in his life. It’s not fair to feel upset that Soonyoung is finally getting some well-earned sleep before another twelve hours of rehearsals tomorrow.

He lifts his glasses, rubs his eyes. And like a good boyfriend, he wakes Soonyoung up so he can get him to bed.

22 Days Until Jeon Wonwoo’s Birthday

When Wonwoo met Soonyoung, it was long before he was Hoshi. 

Six years ago now. Wonwoo was partway through his enlistment, Soonyoung was visiting a friend in Seoul while he was auditioning for entertainment companies. He’d been released from his contract at JYP after one year. And before that, been released from a contract at Pledis. And as such, would be homeless for the foreseeable future if he didn’t “visit” that friend for an indeterminate length of time until another company signed him.

That friend was ironically Wonwoo’s housemate, Seungho. He had described Soonyoung as the crazy good dancer from his middle school. Kinda weird though , he said, you’ll see what I mean.

There was always something about Soonyoung that made Wonwoo believe he’d be famous. When he met Soonyoung that first time, when they were both twenty years old and Soonyoung said his first hello, there was something different about him. Wonwoo had always thought idols were cringey rich kids. Soonyoung was just talented.

Soonyoung told him I picked the name Hoshi for when I debut. 

Not if. When.

It means ‘star’ in Japanese, he said. And that’s what I’m going to be.

The way he said it made Wonwoo believe every word.

One week after his KME audition, when he’d gotten the call that he’d been accepted, Soonyoung kissed Wonwoo for the first time. It was mostly celebratory, but it was all Wonwoo needed in order to relegate himself to a support role in Soonyoung’s tumultuous road to stardom.

There, always, when Soonyoung was at his lowest. When KME lost two trainees and thwarted Soonyoung’s chance at a group debut. When Soonyoung made it to the very last round of IDOL 101 before being eliminated. When Soonyoung was told that if his first solo album didn’t make the necessary sales, he’d be released from the third contract in his lifetime.

Wonwoo is skilled at holding Soonyoung together when he’s seconds from falling apart, putting his fingers on all the cracks and fissures and keeping the pressure constant enough for them to mend on their own. He knew that one day people would see Soonyoung the way he was meant to be seen, treat him like the star he was born to become. It would just require his patience, enough time waiting for the spark to catch and Soonyoung to set the world on fire. 

If anything, Wonwoo has become too accustomed to all that waiting. 

Sometimes, now that all the waiting is done, he wonders what he should be doing instead.

**

Wonwoo stands in the CU downstairs from his work building. He eats the same kimbap every day, but today there are none on the refrigerated shelf. He stands there dumbly, trying to consider any other option, but forgetting what other sorts of foods he would even eat for lunch if not for this specific kimbap. Who the hell besides him is eating it ? How dare they?

He looks from side to side, as if somebody nearby is going to reveal themselves as the culprit. Or maybe somebody might casually walk by and offer a suggestion at an alternative. He’ll take either one at this point.

What he finds is nearly no one else inside the store. It’s well past the lunch rush. The only two other customers are girls about his age, which means they’re especially impossible to talk to. They’re busy anyway, crowded around the magazine section, whispering loudly as if they’re screaming on mute.

After a few seconds, one of them turns, and Wonwoo spots the July issue of Vogue Korea in her hands. Hoshi’s cover, Wonwoo notes. He has the same one still sitting in a bag on his bed at home.

“He’s so handsome I’m going crazy,” she muses. “Aish…who let him dress like this?”

Wonwoo smirks to himself and looks back at the refrigerated shelf ahead. She must be looking at the picture on page 12. The one where he’s in the cropped sweater, lying on the floor with his arms above his head. Even Wonwoo got a little worked up after seeing that one, and he sees Soonyoung’s stomach all the time.

“Ah, but this one is better,” the other girl says. “Look at how cute. I like it better when he looks cute. Look at his cheeks. I want to bite them.”

Page 14. The one with the flowers. He does look cute in that one.

“I like both,” the first girl says. “When he’s cute and when he’s handsome.” She sighs dramatically and there’s a rustling of the pages of the magazine. “Why can’t he be my boyfriend?”

“I’m his type. He said so. Maybe he’ll see me in the crowd again and wink at me like he did at Dream Concert.”

Wonwoo glances to the side again, looking straight towards the girls. They’re both pretty. The first one is beautiful even. She’s petite with a round face and curled eyelashes, long silky hair that she tucks behind one ear when she smiles at her friend. She could have been a model or something, with a face like that.

He and Soonyoung talked about this a long time ago. Back when they were only twenty-one and Soonyoung was just about to debut with the group that never came to be. They were walking beside the river, and it was warm, and Wonwoo was incredibly distracted by the way Soonyoung’s shorts kept riding up.

“You know people are going to say things about me right, Nonu? You have to promise me not to get sad or jealous about my fans.”

“I know,” he had said.

“When I flirt with them it’s only because I have to. You’re always the one I like best.”

The truth is Wonwoo’s base programming is to be jealous. He always envisioned a relationship as one person being his, and him being theirs, and never belonging to anyone else. He imagined that he’d get to give them proprietary touches in public, around their friends, mark his territory with a hand on the waist or an arm around the shoulders so nobody ever forgot if they were his or not.

But he can’t own Hoshi. Behind closed doors, Soonyoung is his, but Hoshi isn’t and he knows this. He’s had years of practice with tamping down his jealousy.

Somehow, things are different lately. Whether that can be attributed to Hoshi’s rapid increase in popularity, or the looming specter of Hoshi being overseas for two and a half months, Wonwoo isn’t sure. All he knows is he’s getting unreasonably worked up, seeing that some random, beautiful girl in the CU who’s a Hoshi fan.

It’s making him feel something worse than jealousy. It’s making a pit open up in his stomach, a familiar chasm of anxiety.

He doesn’t even notice he’s still staring at the girls until he sees them scowling at him. He realizes how it must look. Some guy in the convenience store, with a sweaty forehead and business clothes, ogling two women in sundresses. They have no idea about the reason he’s actually looking. They’re discussing wanting to be with a guy who’s been sending Wonwoo Apeach kissy-face stickers in KaTalk since five in the morning.

Wonwoo quickly tips his head down in apology and rushes out of the store without buying anything at all.

19 Days Until Jeon Wonwoo’s Birthday 

It’s just past five in the morning on a Thursday and Soonyoung is, thankfully, still asleep in his bed.

Wonwoo is awake, bedhead only just barely tamed, the taste of toothpaste and cereal milk fighting for the dominant flavor on his palate. He sits in the second bedroom, used almost exclusively for his gaming PC and the overflow of designer clothes Soonyoung is regularly gifted.

Once, Soonyoung had to explain away the PC’s presence on a variety show where they filmed a segment inside his apartment. The panel had questioned such an elaborate setup and Soonyoung had lied, saying it belonged to his manager. Everyone who’d ever seen Soonyoung operate a smartphone would know he has no use for anything beyond that. 

The truth is, it didn’t fit in Wonwoo’s tiny apartment, and he’d built it here. Soonyoung sat in the freshly constructed gaming chair, spinning it in lazy circles as he asked Wonwoo about every individual part, what he was putting together and why. Wonwoo patiently explained the process even though he knew Soonyoung had no use in knowing. It’s a fond memory.

Goyangi swims around in her bowl on the desk, fins restlessly twitching as Wonwoo’s mechanical keyboard clack-clack-clack -ing fills up the room. She faces the screen and Wonwoo huffs.

“I’m just checking ,” he sighs. “I don’t have a problem.”

Sometimes Wonwoo is grateful for Soonyoung’s inability to use the computer. It means that generally, Soonyoung is blissfully unaware of what people are saying about him online unless somebody tells him. Wonwoo, for his own sake, doesn’t really care to look at it either.

But something has him possessed this morning. He slept restlessly after Soonyoung came home past midnight. Most of the night was spent staring at the ceiling, one arm wrapped around Soonyoung’s back as Soonyoung snored on his chest. Every time he got closer to drifting off again, what the girls in the convenience store said would reappear in the back of his mind.

“It’s been weird lately,” he says to Goyangi.

She stares at him for a second longer, blinking twice. 

“I know it’s not serious,” he says, scrolling through Pann. There’s a lot coming up for Hoshi. More than there ever used to be. “Wow, this many posts about him? Really?”

Goyangi exasperatedly returns to her breakfast of food flakes at the top of the water.

Wonwoo hits the page down key through most of the posts until his eye catches a post title. Hoshi-ya who is this guy to you? it reads. Wonwoo scrolls back up to the link and can’t get it open quick enough.

There’s a photo of Soonyoung on one of those grimy Pann posts where people normally say the nastiest responses. The only thing is the photo was taken outside a restaurant without anyone’s knowledge. And Wonwoo, despite all their carefulness to keep his very existence a secret, is the main person in the photo.

He’s standing outside Hoshi’s company car, holding an umbrella over Hoshi’s head as he gets inside. Wonwoo has the same jeans and t-shirt combo he usually wears on his days off. It’s raining, and the photo quality is crummy, so Wonwoo’s face isn’t entirely distinguishable.

[+456, - 33] oppa who is this guy 

[ +890, -3] why is that guy holding his umbrella? kkk looks like a drama

[+34, -556] all of you saying that hoshi is dating this guy when he’s obviously a manager. 

[ +501, -487] this isn’t funny. why are you trying to ruin his image?

[+68, -0 ] this isn’t his manager. seungcheol-oppa is there. 

He’s not quite sure what about the photo gives off the aura of them dating. He’s all blurry and they’re not even touching. Honestly, he doesn’t look any different from the swarm of faceless KME staff who follow Soonyoung around on a daily basis.

Regardless, Wonwoo’s face heats up with a fiery, awful sort of pride. Of course, they’re dating. Soonyoung is his boyfriend.

“Do you see why I need to look?” he says to Goyangi, trying to disregard his own smug expression. “I should probably tell Seungcheol.”

But just to be safe, he better collect more evidence of what fans are saying. He scrolls. And he scrolls. And further down the page, the comments get meaner.

[+0, -567] ah this guy? hoshi hyung you could do better! what happened to your husband dokyeom? kk

[+0, -40] noooo this guy has legs like chopsticks kkkkk

Wonwoo scowls at the screen. His blood boils, flaring with anger, before settling into a healthy simmer of annoyance. These people are stupid. Wonwoo is exactly Soonyoung’s type. Half the time, he’s the one having to peel Soonyoung off of him, not the other way around. 

And if he was reckless, he’d post something like Joke is on you. I know this guy and he said Hoshi oppa thinks his skinny legs are sexy. In fact, this guy said that Hoshi oppa told him he loves him and that he’s a sex god. His words, not mine.

The thought of that, however, doesn’t feel good either. Wonwoo starts to feel his scowl start to settle into something more like a frown. The warmth in his cheeks starts to feel like embarrassment. He looks at Goyangi and she stares at the screen from her bowl, almost like she’s just as shocked.

“Nonu?” 

Wonwoo jumps in his seat, turning to see Soonyoung standing in the doorway, rubbing at his eyes. Wonwoo scrambles to exit out of the browser window as he hears Soonyoungs slippers scuff across the floor towards him.

“Why are you up so early?” Soonyoung sighs, dropping his arms down and around Wonwoo’s chest. He rests his forehead against Wonwoo’s cheek. “What were you doing? Ah! Nonu!? Were you watching porn ?”

“No,” Wonwoo sputters. “I was looking at a…um…” He glances at Goyangi and she spins her fat little body away from him as if to say get yourself out of this one on your own. “I wasn’t looking at anything. I was about to get into my game. I couldn’t sleep.”

Soonyoung kisses his temple, then the corner of his mouth. Wonwoo rubs Soonyoung’s forearm and closes his eyes.

“Why couldn’t you sleep? Are you okay, Nonu-ya?” Soonyoung says, squeezing him a little tighter around the neck. It’s a lot more like a chokehold than it is a hug, but still somehow Wonwoo feels consoled by it. Just being next close to Soonyoung like this makes him feel more like himself. Like Soonyoung’s windpipe-crushing forearms are the only thing keeping Wonwoo sane.

“I’m fine,” Wonwoo replies softly. He kisses the inside of Soonyoung’s elbow, gives his bicep a little squeeze.

“Am I bugging you?” Soonyoung asks hopefully, referencing the computer screen.

“No,” Wonwoo smiles. “Of course not. Come here.”

Soonyoung ungracefully crawls onto the chair with Wonwoo. Once he settles into his lap, Wonwoo finally gets a chance to look at him. He’s wearing only his boxer-briefs and plain t-shirt, cheeks covered in pillow creases and looking like an haloed angel with the way the sun backlighting his freshly-toned hair. Wonwoo glances down at his legs, hands squeezing the most muscular part of his thighs, loving the way there’s no give to the bulk underneath his skin. 

Wonwoo is practically salivating.

“What’s on your calendar today?” he asks hoarsely.

Soonyoung giggles knowingly, shifting in Wonwoo’s lap. “Seungcheol-hyung is coming at seven to take me to the gym. Then laser appointment. Then rehearsal until nighttime.”

Wonwoo glances at the clock on his computer screen - 5:38. He doesn’t need to leave for work until seven thirty. They have time. For once, they have time .

“Why?” Soonyoung says, suggestively. He snakes both of his arms between the chair and Wonwoo’s neck, resting them on his shoulders. “Is there something you wanted to do before work?”

Wonwoo flashes Soonyoung a smile before leaning up to kiss him.

The second their lips touch, Soonyoung’s whole body arches up against him. Their chests press together and Soonyoung sighs into his mouth and it’s so, so sexy. Everything about Soonyoung is sexy, the way his waist feels under Wonwoo’s hands, the way he tips his head to the side and silently asks Wonwoo to kiss his throat.

The comments about Wonwoo’s chopstick legs are non-existent to him now. It doesn’t really matter what people have to say about Soonyoung, or him, or that Soonyoung could do better. It’s foolish for Wonwoo to even let that get to him. Not when Soonyoung is gasping just from Wonwoo’s mouth on his neck.

“It’s been such a long time,” Soonyoung whispers gleefully. He cradles the back of Wonwoo’s head, gripping his hair when Wonwoo bites down into the jut of his tendon. 

“I haven’t even had time to get myself off. Probably gonna come so much,” Soonyoung adds.

Wonwoo groans. Soonyoung is disgusting in a way that makes him feel like he’s going out of his mind. In a positive way. Just the mention of him coming so much makes Wonwoo get hard embarrassingly fast. 

They have time, but not that much time. Wonwoo doesn’t want to waste it with any teasing or slow-building intimacy. Neither does Soonyoung. They both work together to get Soonyoung out of his clothes, hands fumbling recklessly until Soonyoung is naked. 

“Wait,” Soonyoung says, giggling as Wonwoo paws at his hips to get him close again. Wonwoo grumbles with frustration.

Soonyoung turns around to Goyangi’s bowl and gently sets his t-shirt over it like a veil. “Sorry, Yangi-ya. Cover your eyes.”

Wonwoo looks at his cute little ass right at eye level as an invitation. He pulls Soonyoung backwards into his lap so Soonyoung’s back is pressed up against his chest. Soonyoung laughs loudly the whole way, wiggling around like he’s too excited about the prospect of all this to stay still. 

He turns his head to the side just far enough for Wonwoo to kiss him again. It stills him, momentarily. Just enough for Wonwoo to finally get his hands on Soonyoung’s bare skin.

When they first met, Soonyoung still had a soft belly and a baby face. Now he’s been working out consistently for almost three and a half years. Where there used to be cute deposits of fat, there’s all hard muscle and hairless skin. Wonwoo misses it sometimes. 

This walking-marble-statue edition of Soonyoung is nice, too. Wonwoo would quite honestly be head over heels for any version of Soonyoung. 

Wonwoo smooths his hand from Soonyoung’s collarbone, down the center of his body, all the way to the lower part of his stomach. He circles a hand around Soonyoung’s cock and strokes him until he’s hard.

Wonwoo bites at his neck, careful not to leave any marks, and Soonyoung tosses his head back against Wonwoo’s shoulder. “Can I go first, please?” he asks.

“I suppose so,” Wonwoo sighs, pretending to be put upon by such a request. As if he wasn’t planning on getting Soonyoung’s dick in his mouth the very second Soonyoung asked him if there was something he wanted to do before work.

Soonyoung stands, perching himself on the edge of Wonwoo’s desk. He’s careful not to knock the keyboard or mouse. It’s extremely considerate, and cute the way he focuses so hard on not messing up any part of Wonwoo’s space. 

Wonwoo looks up at Soonyoung like he hung the moon and stars. He scoots himself back just enough to hold onto one of Soonyoung’s thighs and lean his upper body downwards. Soonyoung immediately throws the leg Wonwoo grabs over Wonwoo’s shoulder, urging him closer with a heel on the middle of Wonwoo’s back.

It’s enough to make Wonwoo want to melt into a puddle on the floor. He lets himself be pushed, wrapping his arm around the outside of Soonyoung’s thigh so he can keep them both steady. Then he licks a stripe up the underside of Soonyoung’s cock.

“Nonu-ya,” Soonyoung sighs. He grips the top layers of Wonwoo’s hair and yanks . Wonwoo takes him into his mouth and slowly eases down. It takes a moment to adjust to Soonyoung hitting the back of his throat, and his eyes sting and his glasses are digging into the bridge of his nose, but the sound Soonyoung makes is more than worth the strain.

Then suddenly, the front door lock beeps.

They both freeze. Wonwoo glances up with his mouth still full and Soonyoung looks down at him with abject horror.

“Hello?” Seungcheol yells from the other room. “Kwon Soonyoung, why aren’t you answering your phone?”

Wonwoo pulls off Soonyoung with a wet sound. His chin is already covered in spit. “I thought you said seven?”

“I thought he said seven.”

Seungcheol knocks on the door and Wonwoo scoots away so quickly Soonyoung nearly topples onto the ground. “If you’re late because you two are in there fucking, I’m quitting right now,” Seungcheol says on the other side of the door.

Soonyoung outwardly looks as upset as Wonwoo feels. He tries not to show it, but Soonyoung shows it clearly enough for the both of them. He looks down at Wonwoo apologetically and reaches for his shirt. 

“I’m changing,” Soonyoung begrudgingly calls back.

“You’re a liar,” Seungcheol mocks. “I’m going to wait in the car.”

They listen to Seungcheol’s footsteps retreat back down the hallway until the front door swings shut. Soonyoung huffs as he tugs his shirt back over his head. It’s not the first time they’ve been interrupted, but this time feels particularly frustrating for the both of them. 

“Sorry,” Soonyoung says as he steps back into his underwear. Wonwoo laments at all the bare skin disappearing right before his eyes.

“It’s ok,” he promises. It feels lackluster. It doesn't sound as convincing as Wonwoo intends it to.

He is sad. He understands, but it doesn’t mean he can’t feel let down when he’s still half-hard and Soonyoung was finally naked, and willing, and awake for once. But it’s not like Soonyoung can shirk his responsibilities for a blowjob.

“I’ll see you tonight,” Soonyoung swears. He kisses Wonwoo quickly on the lips and he rushes out of the room.

Wonwoo picks up Goyangi’s bowl and gets her a second breakfast as a distraction from his own disappointment.

17 Days Until Jeon Wonwoo’s Birthday

There’s an entire chapter dedicated to broadcast appearances in the Boyfriend Of An Idol playbook. Wonwoo tries to watch or listen to all of Soonyoung’s broadcast obligations. Even after two years of them, the novelty hasn’t worn off. And the types of shows he does now are significantly less stressful than when he was on IDOL 101. Wonwoo nearly chewed his fingernails down to stubs with the sheer amount of anxiety he experienced every week when that was airing.

Today is an especially important broadcast due to the members of the panel. There are a few senior idols that Soonyoung has idolized since Wonwoo has known him - SHINee’s Minho being one of them. 

Being invited was a big deal for Soonyoung, since he’d be brushing elbows with the very same people who made him realize his dream of becoming an idol. He hadn’t stopped talking about it leading up to the filming; both about the excitement and the nerves that he’d make a fool of himself despite Wonwoo’s constant reassurance he would be alright in the end.

Wonwoo sits on the huge couch in Soonyoung’s living room. He’s alone, regardless of Soonyoung’s original plan for them to watch it together. Soonyoung is at the KME building finishing with a last minute fitting for all of his concert outfits, so Wonwoo is watching the broadcast without him.

And of course, as Wonwoo expected, Soonyoung starts off his time on the show with his normal, idol introduction and a blinding smile. The entire panel explodes with fondness, and the main host makes some comment about wanting to know Soonyoung’s secret for seeming so cute and youthful in his late twenties.

“He’s good at that,” Wonwoo comments to Goyangi. “Charming people.”

She’s sitting on the table in front of the couch, facing the television. Her very back fin wriggles with recognition as she stares at Soonyoung’s face. All creatures, big and small, can’t deny Soonyoung’s magnetism. 

The host asks Soonyoung about the tour coming up and Soonyoung begins his company sponsored speech about the upcoming dates and the incredible showcase he promises to put on. Minho makes a point to say how much he’d like to see Soonyoung perform live, and how much he’d loved the last comeback song, Heartbeat. 

The screen splits down the middle and the camera operator catches a close up of Soonyoung’s twinkling eyes. Wonwoo can tell that Soonyoung is completely starstruck, a little bit shy with the way he offers him a polite thank you and a jittery bow. The editor adds little cartoon hearts on to Soonyoung’s cheeks and all around his head.

Minho offers Soonyoung an affable, smooth smile. His teeth are shining white and his lips are full. He looks like the type of guy who probably loved his enlistment. Like the type of guy his fans dream about marrying and having kids with. He’s so absurdly handsome that Wonwoo’s lip curls up with annoyance.

“He seems a little…” Wonwoo makes a disapproving noise. 

Goyangi turns around in the water to look at him. She releases one, singular bubble from her mouth that seems to say jealous? Wonwoo scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“You know these guys all say this stuff just cause they’re on TV. Not everyone is like Soonyoung.”

Goyangi blinks both of her eyes very slowly and makes a dramatic sweep of the water in order to turn around. She faces away from Wonwoo’s face with a pointed lack of attention that appears to mean she doesn’t believe a word he’s saying.

“Yeah. Well…you’re no expert on men are you,” he grumbles as his phone vibrates. He pulls it out from underneath the pillows and opens the KaTalk group message between him, Seungcheol, and Soonyoung.

Seungcheol Hyung

Outfit fitting is going badly. Don’t blame me if a stylist strangles him.

Please tell him that he looks good.

Wonwoo smirks. Soonyoung has always been serious and exacting, so brutally detailed oriented that some people might call him difficult to work with. Always wanting things to be perfect. Always making sure every single thing is accounted for. Always wanting to be involved in every aspect of his final product. Wonwoo is sure it’s at least half of why Soonyoung is reaching the success he’s at is because he’s incapable of letting anyone else have full control of what he presents to the world.

Soonyoung

Poison is an important song.

I just want it to be perfect 

Alarm bells start ringing in Wonwoo’s head. 

Poison is Soonyoung’s most mature concept to date. Even some broadcasting companies won’t show the music video because of the imagery. He knows that Soonyoung had to clean up the choreography for the music show performances, so he can’t imagine what Soonyoung is planning for his own concert.

And Wonwoo is right to be worried. 

Seungcheol Hyung

[image attached]

[image attached]

Is this not exactly what you imagine for Poison, Wonwoo-ya? Second picture for the new intro.

The first thing Wonwoo notices is all the leather. Leather gloves up to his elbows. Leather pants, practically painted on Soonyoung’s body, shiny black like ink has been poured down his legs. It accentuates how long they are, makes them appear to go on for days and snatching in at his trim, little waist.

His waist. Oh god, his waist. Wonwoo’s eyes zero in on Soonyoung’s exposed stomach. What “top” he has on is barely even a top at all, just lace fabric that covers his arms, chest, and neck. Even in a picture, Wonwoo can see Soonyoing’s nipples budding up through the fabric. 

Even in a photo where Soonyoung is supposedly disapproving of his own costume, he’s looking in the mirror of the practice room, past the camera lens, and appraising himself with the heated stare he normally gives the audience. He looks sharper like that, eyes like he’s stalking prey.

A truth about Soonyoung: he’s confident. He’s aware of how stunning he is, what kind of appeal his body and his looks have for people. It’s stunning to watch him harness it and use it to his advantage. It’s almost intimidating to Wonwoo sometimes. It makes Wonwoo wonder what the hell he did to ever deserve to have somebody like that all to himself - and at the same time, wonder how he’s supposed to survive it.

The second picture Seungcheol sent is worse.

Way worse.

Wonwoo opens the image to see a blindfolded Soonyoung standing in the middle of the room. It’s the same lace as the shirt material. Something about all the black lace on Soonyoung’s pale skin, the bright blonde of his hair, makes his lips appear pinker than normal.

The Poison choreography begins with Soonyoung on his knees, so if that’s what Seungcheol means by the second picture for the new intro then Wonwoo is visualizing exactly that. Soonyoung on his knees, blindfolded while the first eight bars of the song play. The backup dancers moving around him and ripping the piece of lace off his eyes once Soonyoung goes into the chorus.

Wonwoo is only human. He can only take so much and maintain a level of reasonable restraint. 

He imagines he’s there in the practice room and all the stylists are gone. That all the clothes racks and noise disappear until the only thing in the room is Soonyoung in this outfit, blindfold resting prettily over his eyes, kneeling in the center of the room. The only sound Wonwoo can hear is Soonyoung’s soft breath, the sticky sound of Soonyoung wetting his lips.

He looks up at Wonwoo even though he can’t see, trusting that Wonwoo is standing above him.

“Do you like it?” he asks. His voice is soft and sweet like normal, but there’s a giddy edge to it. Like he’s desperate for Wonwoo’s praise. “Do I look good, Nonu-ya?”

Wonwoo’s sigh comes out quaking. He rests his hand on the top of Soonyoung's head, fingers combing through the strands before gripping gently. Not enough to hurt. Just enough to watching Soonyoung’s bubblegum pink mouth fall open. So he can see the wet shine of Soonyoung’s tongue behind his bottom row of teeth.

“You look like a slut,” Wonwoo whispers. He’d never say that in real life, he’d feel way too embarrassed to ever talk to Soonyoung like that. Here, Soonyoung laughs and tips his head to the side. 

“Yeah?” he whispers back, wetting his lips. “Good.”

“Good?”

“The fans like it when I look like that. Like they can just do whatever they want to me and I’d let them,” Soonyoung says. “Do you like it, too, Nonu-ya?”

Wonwoo brushes his fingertips across the rabbit-ear knot on the back of the blindfold. “You wouldn’t let them though, right? Do whatever they want?”

Soonyoung shakes his head. “Only you. You can do whatever you want and I’d let you.”

He reaches up, using his leather gloved hands to tug at the buttons on Wonwoo’s jeans. Wonwoo bites on his bottom lip as he watches, not bothering to help, enjoying it more to watch Soonyoung blindly fumble to get his cock out from his pants.

“Promise not to make a mess?” Soonyoung asks. He tips his head upwards, pulls out Wonwoo’s dick and kisses the tip without precision. “If you ruin the outfit, I can’t wear it on stage.”

Wonwoo laughs dazedly, hips already rutting against Soonyoung’s open mouth. “I don’t know if I can promise that. Maybe you should only wear it for me.”

Soonyoung smiles, and the underside of Wonwoo’s cock skims over the ridges of his teeth. Wonwoo hisses.

“Does that mean you like it?” 

“Yeah,” Wonwoo sighs. “Whenever you wear stuff like this…it makes me…” he trails off, distracted.

“Makes you what?” Soonyoung asks excitedly. He opens his mouth again, tongue lolling out, slick and wet. Wonwoo holds on to Soonyoung’s hair, holds him still when he fucks into his mouth. 

“Makes me....”

He snaps out of his daydream when Soonyoung’s loud laughter fills the room.

On the television screen, he’s trying to keep up with some girl group choreography and gracefully stumbling through it. Even when Soonyoung doesn’t know the steps, he’s still an incredible dancer. In the background, Minho claps along with the beat, cheering Soonyoung on.

Wonwoo blinks quickly as he readjusts to reality. He’s panting, his chest is expanding and falling in quick, heaving breaths. He’s sweating, too, palms prickling and clammy. Not to mention the erection. How embarrassing.

Soonyoung

Nonu-ya what do you think?

Me

I think it looks good.

**

Obviously, part of the territory of dating an idol, is that your idol boyfriend is going to come along with idol friends. Boo Seungkwan and Lee Seokmin - the latter more commonly known as Dokyeom - are the two idols Soonyoung designates as his own.

They were all KME trainees together, meant to debut in the group that never came to fruition, and then attempted IDOL 101 together. Except while Soonyoung was eliminated in the final round, Dokyeom and Seungkwan had made into the final lineup. Now that the two year contract is up, however, they debuted as a duo known for their ballads as much as their comedic timing.

It’s near midnight when Wonwoo hears both of their loud voices from the living room. He’s in bed, enthralled with the last few chapters of the novel he’s been reading, when he’s interrupted by the sudden chaos of them entering Soonyoung’s apartment. Dokyeom’s peels of laughter have Wonwoo jumping up out of bed like a fire alarm.

“Hyung!” Seungkwan calls out. Like a child tattling on their classmate, he says, “Soonyoungie is drunk!”

Wonwoo quickly walks into the living room, where sure enough, a very drunk Soonyoung is hanging off of Dokyeom’s shoulders. Dokyeom is squealing while Soonyoung is trying to climb up onto his back. Wonwoo frowns at the overfamiliarity of the interaction, and the fact that Dokyeom can apparently hold up Soonyoung’s entire body weight without straining himself.

“What…” Wonwoo starts. “I didn’t even know he was going out?”

Soonyoung hadn’t mentioned it. Not even a text.

“The CEO took us all out for dinner,” Seungkwan, who’s also flushed with alcohol, puts his hands on his hips. “And you know how Soonyoung is…”

“Nonuuuuu,” Soonyoung slurs happily, eyes half closed like he’s struggling to stay awake. “Hiiiiii baby.”

Soonyoung’s tolerance is abysmal. Worse when he’s dieting and not eating enough carbohydrates to soak up the alcohol. This level of drunk is the product of maybe three-quarters of a bottle of soju. Even that is a generous estimation.

Dokyeom dutifully helps drag Soonyoung down the hallway into the bedroom. Wonwoo isn’t much help. He merely supervises Dokyeom depositing Soonyoung into bed, and makes sure Soonyoung is settled in properly from just outside the threshold. The second Soonyoung’s head hits the pillow, he’s nearly asleep, mumbling Wonwoo’s name as he struggles out of consciousness.

“You look angry,” Seungkwan observes.

As Dokyeom walks out of the bedroom to join them in the hallway, he gives Wonwoo a worried look from head to toe. “Yeah, hyung. I’m sorry he got so drunk. We tried to stop him.”

Wonwoo’s not mad. He’s not. Soonyoung is allowed to enjoy himself. It’s just that Soonyoung hasn’t been home before midnight in weeks, and Wonwoo had assumed that after the fitting, Soonyoung was going back to the practice room, not out to get drunk.

He’s just - irrationally - confused as to why Soonyoung would have the night off and not come straight home. It stings, to imagine Soonyoung laughing and happy, draping himself all over Dokyeom and Seungkwan, while Wonwoo has been sitting in Soonyoung’s bed for the last three hours just waiting for Soonyoung to get back.

“I’m alright,” Wonwoo says, clearing his throat. “Thank you for bringing him home.”

Seungkwan doesn’t look convinced in the slightest. “You sure?” he asks, genuinely concerned. His eyes are all hazy and his cheeks are pink, but he does seem truly worried. “Like absolutely sure you’re okay?”

Wonwoo has known both of them for about as long as Soonyoung has. They’d covered for Soonyoung to sneak Wonwoo in and out of the dorms in the past more than enough times for Wonwoo to owe them his friendship. 

He likes them, too, he thinks. They still intimidate him sometimes, being famous and handsome and loud. Especially when they’re with Soonyoung and he can’t get a word in edgewise. But they’re nice, to a fault, and constantly trying to break Wonwoo out of his shell. Sometimes a little too forcefully.

The three of them stand in the hallway for a beat of silence. 

“Just tired,” Wonwoo says.

“Hyung, Soonyoung told us you’re not going to the Japan date and that it’s your birthday,” Dokyeom blurts out. He looks racked with grief at the very thought of it, equally as drunk as Seungkwan is with his glassy eyes, but far more emotive. Seungkwan scowls at the side of Dokyeom’s head.

“Oh,” Wonwoo says cooly. Not this again. “I have to work.”

“So you’re gonna be alone?”

Wonwoo shrugs and then nods. “I usually am.”

Dokyeom’s bottom lip furls out down to his chin. “Oh, Wonwoo-ya, that’s such a sad thing to say.”

The atmosphere feels incredibly similar to when Wonwoo’s parents sat him down to announce they’d be moving out of his childhood home. It evokes a similar emotion from Wonwoo. Like being in a glass enclosure, being observed from every angle with nowhere to hide.

“You know, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to be sad that he’s going to be gone for three months,” Seungkwan begins. 

Wonwoo feels like Seungkwan’s always got one eye out for the weak spots in everyone's armor. He’s as good at reading people as Dokyeom is at sensing people’s feelings. And the two of them make a deadly combination for somebody like Wonwoo, who guards his tender heart as closely as he can.

“Only two and a half,” he counters weakly. As if that makes it any better.

“Wonwoo-hyung,” Seungkwan says seriously. “It’s hard for normal people to date idols. That’s usually why they don’t do it.”

“Seungkwan-ah, it’s really not that seriou-”

“I know,” Seungkwan cuts him off. “I know, but if you want to talk about it. I can help…and you know Kyeomie will understand. At least three of the hair stylist noonas have broken up w–”

“YAH!” Dokyeom smacks the side of Seungkwan’s arm with alarming force. 

Wonwoo watches them have a silent, serious conversation with one another. After five seconds they seem to resolve it and Dokyeom turns back to him.

“I’m always here to listen,” Dokyeom says emphatically. “Let us know when you’re off work on your birthday. I don’t want you to be all alone. Let us buy you dinner!”

Wonwoo nods stiffly. 

“We’re going now before our manager leaves us behind. But call us if you need us,” Seungkwan says. He gives Wonwoo a tight hug and Wonwoo awkwardly pats his back. “For anything,” Seungkwan confirms as he leans back.

“Yeah, hyung, for anything” Dokyeom says. He gives Wonwoo a hug, too, and far too tight. Wonwoo feels like he’s about to be crushed to death before Dokyeom thankfully releases him from his grip. “I’m really sorry I got your boyfriend drunk,” he adds tearily. 

13 Days Until Jeon Wonwoo’s Birthday

For days, Wonwoo can’t get the conversation with Seungkwan and Dokyeom out of his head.

He’s accustomed to being a bit of a loner. All through school he had maybe a maximum of two friends, and one of them was his own cousin. It never once got under his skin. The idea of popularity or attention were contradictory to things like peace and quiet.

But somehow, someway, Dokyeom’s pitying expression has burned itself into the back of Wonwoo’s mind. Was it pathetic that he was spending his birthday alone? That he was always alone? Was everyone looking at his and Soonyoung’s relationship like it was something to feel sorry about?

As if the universe is trying to prove a point, Soonyoung is late again.

It’s not by any fault of his own, there’s only three days left until the first Seoul concert and he’s swamped with the last stages of dress rehearsals. Only Wonwoo had imagined that dress rehearsals would provide a little more structure considering how many staff were involved. The most reasonable explanation is that Soonyoung, after rehearsals were finished, locked himself back into a practice room.

Wonwoo makes a frustrated noise in his throat, scooping up Goyangi’s bowl from his desk and carrying it into the kitchen where she usually sleeps at night. She tilts her body upwards to stare at him through the opening in the bowl.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he grouches. 

She releases a few bubbles from her mouth. They rise and pop at the top of the water.

“What am I supposed to do? Tell him not to rehearse?” Wonwoo fusses. He sets her bowl down on the countertop, leaning down to stare at her through the glass. 

Goyangi swims around the perimeter of her bowl, finally reaching the center again and gracefully bobbing up and down in the water. An action that says your lack of communication skills is frustrating me.

“I’m frustrating myself, Yangi,” Wonwoo says, resting his chin on his folded arms. “I don’t need to hear it from you, too.”

She stares at him, seemingly trying to telepathically communicate her thoughts and observations. For once, Wonwoo feels acutely aware of how stupid it is to try and get advice from a goldfish. It’s not as if she can help him figure out what to do.

For one thing, she’s quite literally a goldfish with a brain the size of a peppercorn. 

For another, it’s not like she has any experience with having a boyfriend so leading such a vastly different life, it’s almost as if he’s a different species. Nobody he knows is going to have any real advice on what to do.

Wonwoo is used to that. He is his own little island. An archipelago of a person. And that’s how it’s always been.

**

Soonyoung crawls into bed at nearly one in the morning. Wonwoo is still very much awake.

“Hi,” Soonyoung says sweetly. He scoots under the covers to get as close to Wonwoo as possible. His arm comes to rest across Wonwoo’s belly, right leg worming its way between Wonwoo’s thighs. He’s warm, he’s always warm, and Wonwoo shivers with the relief from being perpetually cold.

“Hi,” Wonwoo says, resting his cheek on Soonyoung’s forehead. “How was the rehearsal?” 

Soonyoung shrugs as best as he can from the position he’s contorted in. “It could have been better.”

Wonwoo nods, understanding. He expected that response. Soonyoung accepting anything as it is without an attempt for improvement would be cause for concern. 

They lay in silence for a while. Soonyoung gently brushes his fingertips back and forth along Wonwoo’s pokey rib cage. Wonwoo rubs his hand up and down Soonyoung’s spine. 

This is how it used to be. Back before all the music shows and the album recordings. Before Soonyoung was Hoshi and they were both normal people. Wonwoo remembers those days fondly. He remembers that last summer before Soonyoung went on IDOL 101 and he’d sneak into the dorm with the melona bars his dance teacher didn’t like him to have.

Wonwoo would kiss all the melon flavoring off of Soonyoung’s mouth, listen to his soft laughter, and he’d wish - beg really - for any higher power to give this boy whatever he wanted. Every award, every accolade, the debut he was always meant to have.

At the same time Wonwoo turns his head, Soonyoung looks up at him. He smiles and Wonwoo cups his cheek, brushing his thumb across Soonyoung’s well manicured eyebrow. Wonwoo can still see that twenty year old starry eyed boy when he looks at him. Like the fame is still echoing before Soonyoung really hears it with his own ears. It still hasn’t hit him.

Soonyoung leans up to press a kiss to Wonwoo’s mouth, breathing through his nose. He takes hold of Wonwoo’s wrist in his hand and holds it in place. Wonwoo’s heart goes buoyant in his chest, floating.

“I’m sorry,” Soonyoung says against his lips.

Wonwoo tips his head away. Soonyoung looks ashamed for some reason. “What? What are you sorry about?” he asks. 

“I’m never here,” Soonyoung chews on his lip. “I’m always gone, Nonu. I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you anymore.”

Guilt floods Wonwoo’s bloodstream like a toxin. He has to wonder if Soonyoung can see right through him. He thought he’d been hiding it well enough. Maybe the fish has been telling Soonyoung his secrets when he’s not around. 

“I don’t think that,” he says meekly. He’s a liar. Liar to his own boyfriend. It doesn’t feel like a lie when he says it, but once it’s hanging in the air, he can see it for what it is. Wonwoo feels abandoned, he feels left behind.

Soonyoung gives him a kiss again. A deep dizzingy one like he’s trying to convey an apology without expressly stating it. “Come with me to Japan,” he says. “Just for Tokyo.”

For a moment, he considers it. He really does. 

But what would he even do there? It’s not like the two of them would be going on vacation. Wonwoo would be in his own hotel room, just as alone as he would be here. Soonyoung wouldn’t have any time for him and sneaking in or out of the hotel would be borderline impossible with all the staff crawling around the hallways. 

No. If Wonwoo went to Japan, he’d just be an inconvenience.

Wonwoo sighs and shakes his head. “I can’t, Soonyoung. I’m sorry.”

“Tomorrow, I’ll…you know I’ll try and come right after rehearsal is over. We can have some alone time. Just you and me. Maybe we can take out from that burger place and I’ll have Seungcheol-hyung get us some beer and -”

“No,” Wonwoo snaps. It surprises both of them. Soonyoung looks at him with wide eyes. 

How can Wonwoo ask Soonyoung to carve out time for him right now? How could he possibly ask Soonyoung to forgo preparing for the tour he’s been dreaming about since he was a kid? This is what he’s been waiting for. This is what they’ve both been waiting for.

Wonwoo offers him a placating smile. “The concert is your priority, okay? I’m fine, Soonyoung-ah. I promise.”

Soonyoung gives him the most heart-wrenching look. “I love you,” Soonyoung whispers. “You know that right?”

Wonwoo still, unfortunately, feels uneasy. This isn’t going away. He’ll have to confront it sooner or later.

“Of course I do. I love you too,” he says. He kisses Soonyoung again, on the mouth and then on the forehead. Giving him the blessing to drop the issue entirely. 

After the concert, he thinks. After the concert they can talk this out before Soonyoung leaves. It would be better than worrying Soonyoung about it now. Soonyoung needs to have a clear head to prepare for his fans. 

Wonwoo’s feelings can wait just a little bit longer.

10 Days Until Jeon Wonwoo’s Birthday

The morning of Soonyoung’s first concert is a hellacious affair. 

Wonwoo isn’t directly responsible for any aspect of the pre-concert preparations. His only responsibility is to let Soonyoung go in the morning and remain in the most infuriating, out-of-control, backseat spot possible for the whole day - which is on the other end of Soonyoung’s Kakaotalk messages.

He’s privy to everything. The flat tire the company van gets on the way to the hair salon. The makeup artists struggling to find the right shade of concealer for Soonyoung’s inflamed, stress-induced acne prone skin. The soundcheck that goes so horribly that Soonyoung is five seconds from a breakdown before Seungcheol evidently steps in to yell at the audio tech in Soonyoung’s defense. 

Wonwoo tries his best to comfort him over the phone on the way to the venue. He takes a taxi to be safe, not trusting public transportation to not fail him when everything else seems to be going so wrong .

Soonyoung

Tell me when you’re close.

I can’t believe this is happening.

Me

I’m here. Just got here.

Soonyoung has had concerts before. A couple album showcases, a three-day string of solo concerts at Olympic Hall with modest audience sizes. He’s done a handful of festival stages and award shows in front of larger audiences made up of fans of a multitude of different artists.

This is different.

Wonwoo stands outside of Jamsil Arena, gaping up at the building in complete awe. Outside the main entrance, there’s a huge poster hanging from the side of the cement support beams. HOSHI is written in big, bold letters and beside it, a massive picture of Soonyoung’s profile, perfect as ever.

People are lining up to get inside. Hundreds, if not thousands, of them. Mostly women, interspersed with men, all holding different merchandise with Soonyoung’s face. Pickets. Slogans. Nearly all of them are carrying the sleek black lightstick Hoshi released last year.

Wonwoo’s phone rings and he answers without looking. 

“Hello.”

“You’re here,” Soonyoung says on the other line. “God, Nonu-ya.”

“I know,” Wonwoo says, dumbly. He’s distracted by a group of women excitedly taking a selca. They aim the camera just right to get the giant poster in frame and they point up at Hoshi with big, cheesy smiles. “I’m sorry. It’s getting better, right?”

“Yeah,” Soonyung says. There’s rustling on the other line, like he’s shifting the phone to the other ear. “Sort of. I um…I can’t really bring myself to look at the audience monitor.” He laughs nervously.

“What?”

“I um…” Soonyoung takes a long pause and then sighs. He speaks again in a small voice. “Nonu…people are here right? Like more than a couple hundred?”

Wonwoo barks out a laugh. Incredulous. He pushes up on his tiptoes to see over the crowd of people waiting to get their tickets checked. On the other side of the gate, the merch lines are swallowing up the courtyard, there are people filing into the main doors. 

“There’s so…” he laughs again, shaking his head. “Soonyoung, there are so many people. So many.”

Soonyoung is quiet on the other line. 

“Thousands,” he looks around, speaking quieter into the phone so he doesn’t draw attention. “They’re here for you, Young-ah.”

“Don’t make jokes, Jeon Wonwoo,” Soonyoung warns. 

“I’m not,” Wonwoo swears. “I wouldn’t.”

Wonwoo allows him the space to process it. He’s still processing it himself, honestly.

Eventually, Soonyoung breathes out harshly. “Do you want to come backstage? Seungcheol says he stole you a pass.”

Wonwoo shakes his head as if Soonyoung can see him. He doesn’t want to get in the way. He especially doesn’t want to distract Soonyoung from preparing to go on stage. “No it’s…unless you want me back there.” He pauses as he watches a group of people gathering around a small group covering the Poison choreography for a video. “I want to watch from the audience, I think,” he adds. 

Soonyoung exhales. “Okay…I’m gonna go. Seungcheol is calling me. Cheer extra loud for me, okay, Nonu? I love you.” 

And the call ends.

**

Wonwoo wonders what it must be like to be born to do something. 

He’s good at things, and he enjoys things, but he's never felt like he was put on earth to do one singular thing. Most people aren’t. Most people are just average the way he is. It’s rare to see somebody whose entire life trajectory since birth has led them to one moment.

Soonyoung was put on earth to perform for an audience.

The second the stage lights start to glow, and Soonyoung rises from the center of the stage, something starts to happen that’s as close to magic as reality can allow. The audience starts to roar. Not just regular cheering or clapping. The audience thunders and shakes, and Soonyoung appears on the big screen with heart-stopping, attention-grabbing, Hoshi Gaze he’s become so famous for. 

Wonwoo’s seats are fairly good, but the stadium is enormous and filled to the brim with fans. Out across the wide span of space, it’s a sea of lightsticks, rhythmically timed to ignite with the opening drums to Burn Up. The crowd suspends with anticipation as Soonyoung struts to the front of the stage, back up dancers march in from the wings, and Soonyoung stands with his chin held high, in his fire red suit. 

“Seoul are you ready?” he shouts into the microphone. 

The crowd screams. Wonwoo cheers and his voice gets lost in a sea of thousands. 

“Make some noise!” he shouts.

And the crowd screams impossibly louder than before. Hoshi grins, confident and proud. He holds out his palms to the crowd for a moment, a small lapse in his airtight, fiery on-stage character, and Wonwoo can see the joy spread so plainly across his face.

Soonyoung performs like he’s never performed before. All those other shows he’s done, they were only practice for a concert of this caliber. Every single song Soonyoung prepared has a new arrangement, a new dance break, each more challenging than the last. 

He can understand why Soonyoung spent weeks trapped inside the practice studio. The choreography he normally performs is difficult to begin with, but these performances push the limit of Soonyoung’s previous ability level. Soonyoung makes every single movement in perfect time, hits with just the right amount of force and draws back enough to work the crowd to make them go especially crazy. 

And the audience loves it. 

They love him. They call every fanchant and they sing along with every song. When Soonyoung goes back to change, they cheer for every VCR and go berserk every time Soonyoung comes back out onto the stage. 

Wonwoo can see that Soonyoung is sweating with exertion, but he never once loses his energy. Not for an entire three hours. Most idols can rely on their group mates. They don’t have to sing every single line or perform every second of each choreography. But Soonyoung is doing it all by himself. 

By the time the encore rolls around, Wonwoo is shaking with adrenaline by proxy. He can’t believe this is real.

The crowd starts quiet at first, but it rapidly builds into a clear and loud chant:

Hoshi

Hoshi

Hoshi

Wonwoo looks around, marveling. A crowd chanting Hoshi’s name. Selling out a stadium of this size. All to see Hoshi perform.

He realizes that he’s missed something fundamental. Something that’s been right in front of his eyes this whole time. 

The crowd buzzes again once Soonyoung comes back out for his encore. He’s in his tour merchandise, dressed down into a pair of jeans rather than the flashy costumes. Wonwoo thinks he looks the best like this. The costumes and designer clothes are sexy, but Soonyoung never looks more perfect in a shirt just a little too big for him.

“Everyone! Did you have fun?” Soonyoung says into the mic. He cups his hand to his ear as if to hear the audience cheer. They respond in kind and Soonyoung’s face squishes up into a smile. 

“I’m so glad,” he says genuinely. “Because I prepared for a long time to bring a show I thought you would like. I’m so happy. In my trainee days I never expected to fill up a venue this big. I can’t believe it.”

The crowd raises their lightsticks into the air like a swarm of fireflies. Wonwoo watches the way they dance before he looks back to Soonyoung’s giant image up on the screen. His eyes are twinkling.

“People will tell you that your dreams are not worth following. Sometimes you won’t succeed the first time you try. It was tough when I was a trainee. I failed a lot and I had to try even harder to chase that dream. And it is still hard work, but I have all of you and I have all the staff who are still here today helping me be better. I work hard for them, too. The people who have walked with me even when nobody knew my name. Who always stayed by my side. Thank you and I love you aren’t strong enough to tell you how I feel.”

Soonyoung looks around at the crowd in amazement. He licks his lips and then sniffles, like he’s about to cry.

“I love you all so much,” he says.

Wonwoo holds his breath. 

When he’s felt isolated and abandoned, he knows it’s because he feels something for Soonyoung that takes up all the capacity in his body. He loves Soonyoung with his whole self, not capable of taking on anymore than what Soonyoung can specifically give him. 

But Soonyoung has the capacity to receive love - he was born to receive love - from thousands of people at a time. Like somehow larger than his long-legged, round-cheeked package would ever lead you to believe.

It just means Soonyoung is doing exactly what he’s meant to do. Like nature taking its course. Like a bird flies because it has wings and the right bone density. Or fish swim because they have gills and fins. 

Or how stars are meant to shine.

“I promise to always do better. For making my dreams come true,” Soonyoung says to his fans. “I promise to always show my gratitude by being better every time. Thank you. I love you.”

Wonwoo may love Soonyoung. But everyone loves Soonyoung. Hundreds of thousands of people all over the world love him and he loves them back. 

Who is one person to intervene in that?

**

That night, after the concert, Wonwoo sleeps in his own apartment in Yeongdeungpo for the first time in three months.

0 Days Until Jeon Wonwoo’s Birthday

Soonyoung leaves four days before Wonwoo’s birthday. 

They don’t get to see each other much before then. Both of Soonyoung’s stage designs for the Japan dates are different from the one in Seoul. That means more rehearsals - new blocking and all the changes Soonyoung is adamant he makes after little mistakes in the first two shows. 

Wonwoo only goes over to Soonyoung’s apartment after work every day to feed Goyangi. Then he goes to his own place.

Soonyoung doesn’t even seem to notice. Or at least he doesn’t say anything to Wonwoo about it. They barely even talk until the day he leaves and Wonwoo has to come over to properly start house-sitting Soonyoung’s apartment. Even then, it’s just a quick goodbye. No fanfare. Just a kiss on the mouth and Soonyoung is gone.

Wonwoo wakes up the morning of his birthday feeling the emptiness of Soonyoung’s apartment more intensely than he ever has before.

He’s never cared about birthdays. Ever. But it’s strange to wake up and Soonyoung isn’t the one waking him up hellishly early the way he usually is. Last year he literally pulled Wonwoo out of bed by the ankles and woke him up like a drill sergeant screaming the happy birthday song.

This year, he wakes up on his birthday to a six o’clock alarm and a Summer rainstorm raging outside. His birthday morning routine consists of getting ready for a normal day at work and a too-quick call with his parents. He eats a bowl of cold cereal while Goyangi bites fish food flakes off the surface of the water. She keeps watching him out of the corner of her bulging eye like she’s expecting him to say something.

“What?” He stares at her around a spoonful of cereal.

Both of her fins flare out as she faces him head on. As if to say you’re sad .

“I’m fine. It’s just a normal day,” he replies sharply. It comes out more defensive than he means it to.

**

The walk to work is miserable. By the time he makes it into his building, his button-down shirt is soaked completely through, and the aircon blasting inside the elevator has him shivering like a little dog. Most people appear to be a bit late with the amount of rain flooding all the streets and none of Wonwoo’s desk mates are anywhere to be seen.

He sighs, flopping into his chair with a whoosh and pulls out his phone while his computer starts up. There’s a KaTalk message from his brother, one from Seungkwan that comes with an invitation to dinner, and a page-long one from Dokyeom with at least ten confetti emojis.

But nothing yet from Soonyoung. 

Obviously, Soonyoung is busy. Wonwoo goes to the company Instagram page where, still, the last thing he’s posted is a selca in the airplane a few days ago. The calendar had today slated for the first stage rehearsal. Then in the afternoon, a walk through Akihabara for the HoshTV Vlog on the KME youtube channel. 

Wonwoo reasons with himself that Soonyoung probably wouldn’t be able to message him until much later in the day. 

“Good morning, Wonwoo-ssi,” Joshua says from behind him. “Oh, is that Hoshi? You didn’t seem like somebody who liked idols.”

Wonwoo spins around and Joshua is standing just above him, eyes trained on Wonwoo’s phone open to an Instagram post of Soonyoung making a kissy-face at the camera. 

Joshua looks perfectly dry despite the rain, and put together as he always does - Joshua dresses better than anyone else in the department. In his hand, there’s a small plastic container with what appear to be chocolate cookies.

“Oh uh,” Wonwoo quickly locks his phone. “He came up in my suggested people to follow…” he lies. “I…don’t really know his music.”

Joshua cocks his head, confused as to why Wonwoo is acting so suspicious. He lets it go just as quickly, and smiles serenely as sets the container of cookies on Wonwoo’s desk in front of him. “Happy birthday,” he says cheerily.

Wonwoo looks at the cookies with a frown that he tries to train off of his face. He’s horrible at receiving gifts. He’s always grateful, but he’s afraid he’s not showing enough gratitude, and it always comes off awkward and stiff when he tries to say thank you. Especially when it’s from somebody unexpected and especially when he already feels miserable.

“Did you…make me these?” he asks. 

When he looks back, Joshua is busy setting down all his belongings at his own workstation. “Oh…I’d like to say yes but…” he smiles apologetically. “No. I mentioned your birthday to my roommate who insisted I bring these. He says happy birthday, too.”

Wonwoo stares at him, then back at the cookies on his desk. It makes him feel strange that Joshua talks about him to his roommate outside of work. He wonders what Joshua has to even say. “That’s…um…thank you.”

He tries to behave like a normal person and a normal person would try a cookie. He unlatches the top of the container with a snap, and gingerly pulls one of the tiny, chocolate cookies from the pile. Joshua is expectantly watching the side of his face and Wonwoo forgets how to put a cookie in his mouth without shoving all of his fingers inside along with it.

It’s not totally successful. Wonwoo is uncoordinated and closes his lips around his fingertips, but he doesn’t end up dwelling on it. Wonwoo likes chocolate, and he likes sweets, but this is probably one of the best baked goods he’s ever had in his entire life. He glances at Joshua in total shock.

“Good right?” Joshua grins, eyebrows raised.

Wonwoo covers his mouth so he can talk. “This is amazing,” he says clunkily. He hopes Joshua can tell he’s being genuine.

“They’re the best. I love chocolate, but these are like, the best chocolate thing ever.”

“Me too,” Wonwoo agrees. He reaches for another one and shoves it into his mouth. It’s funny how something made of chocolate can be like a healing balm to a particularly bad day.

“I can eat two dozen on my own if I’m not careful,” Joshua sighs. He turns back to his computer so he can log himself in. 

“He’s really talented,” Wonwoo comments with his mouth full.

“Right?” Joshua says, distractedly as he squints to read an email. “Sometimes it’s good to have a boyfriend who’s a pastry chef, but sometimes it’s dangerous.”

Boyfriend?

Wonwoo stops chewing. He snaps his eyes to Joshua. He never would have guessed that Joshua would have a boyfriend. Then again, it’s not like he knows that many gay people aside from Soonyoung and Seungkwan. He barely even knows people full stop.

It takes Joshua a second to realize. He glances at Wonwoo and then does a double take when he sees that Wonwoo is staring. Very apparently his own words start to catch up with him. His eyes widen and then he turns around to check who else is near them.

The office is still empty for the most part, and their workspaces are far enough away from anyone else who’s already arrived for the day to have heard what Joshua said. Still, he leans in closer and whispers, “Wonwoo-ssi…please…please don’t say anything to anyone else.”

He understands Joshua’s fear. He can’t imagine what would happen if anyone at work found out he was gay. After all this time, he can’t even bring himself to tell his parents. The person he’s currently dating notwithstanding.

“If…” Joshua starts. “If it’s uncomfortable for you…”

Now it’s time for Wonwoo’s eyes to widen. It occurs to him how he’s been staring at Joshua this whole time and how it must look. Joshua must think he’s a homophobe.

“No,” Wonwoo rushes. “No it’s the opposite.”

Joshua blanches.

“No! N-no. I mean…” He throws a cursory glance around the office, too, just to be safe. “I have a boyfriend, too.”

A slow smile stretches across Joshua’s mouth. Wonwoo realizes quickly just how impulsive of a decision it was to come out to somebody, let alone in the middle of work. But it feels like he’s just thrown a weight off of his own shoulders. 

The people who know about Soonyoung and his relationship, are the same ones who know about Wonwoo being gay, and every single one of them is one of Soonyoung’s friends. 

Joshua is his friend. He thinks. 

“How long have you two been together?” Joshua asks with a sparkling curiosity. 

“Um...six years.”

Joshua gapes. “Wow, that’s a long time.” 

It is a long time, once he says it outloud. Wonwoo has practically been with Soonyoung the entire time he’s been an adult. It doesn’t even feel that long.

“What about you?” Wonwoo asks, trying to make a concentrated effort to be friendly.

“We’ve only been together for two,” Joshua whispers. 

“Cool,” Wonwoo says stiffly. He rubs the back of his head and turns to open his emails.

“Are you two going to do something nice tonight for your birthday?” Joshua asks.

The feelings about Soonyoung’s absence tumble back into him again. Wonwoo can’t even help it anymore. He can feel himself physically deflate at the mention of it. 

No, he is not going to be doing anything nice with his boyfriend tonight. He probably won’t even get to talk to him at all today by the looks of it. He reflexively glances at his phone screen. There are no new messages. 

Wonwoo clears his throat. “He’s overseas for the next few months.”

Joshua makes an understanding sound. “I’m sorry, Wonwoo-ssi,” he says sorrowfully. “That must be hard to not have him around for your birthday.”

The last few weeks have been an endless parade of people telling him how hard it was going to be when Soonyoung missed his birthday, and every time he swore that it wasn’t a big deal to him. It really wasn’t before. He meant it all those times when he said it didn’t really matter to him because his birthday didn’t really matter to him.

Whether or not he was lying to himself before, or it only started to matter recently , is just splitting hairs. The point is, it does matter to him. This time, hearing Joshua say it outloud, makes him understand just how much it does matter to him.

“It’s awful,” Wonwoo admits.

“Well, my offer for a drink after work still stands, you know?” Joshua says warmly.

Wonwoo has rebuffed Joshua’s invitations for an afterwork drink probably fifty times since Joshua started working at the company. The idea of spending time with him after working hours never quite interested him before. In a shocking, unforeseen turn of events, this time he’s almost desperate to say yes.

“Sure,” he replies with a crooked smile. He fidgets with his hands on his trouser pants.

“Okay.” Joshua gives him a pleased smile that reaches all the way up to the corners of his eyes. “I’ll see if some of the other guys want to go. I’m sure they will once I say what it’s for.”

“Okay,” Wonwoo says. It feels like a birthday party. He might allow it under the circumstances.

“Is your fish going to be okay?” Joshua teases.

Wonwoo laughs despite himself. “She’ll understand if I’m home a little late.”

**

Somehow one or two beers after work turns into four. 

Wonwoo always considered himself at least a moderately good judge of character, but he’s blindsided by how much he misjudged Joshua’s politeness. Joshua ends up being sneakier than he anticipated. Every time he’d finished a drink, somehow another one would appear right in front of him, and Joshua would pointedly avoid eye contact with a sharp little grin. 

He has more fun with Joshua and the rest of their coworkers than he’s had in a really, really long time. 

So much so that it’s nearly nine thirty at night by the time he leaves the bar. It’s unexpected for the hours to fly by like that. Normally he spends any kind of social engagement checking the clock on his phone for an appropriate time to leave without seeming impolite, but this time around he only checks his phone once, right as they decide that if they stay out any later they’ll all be too hungover for work the next day.

It’s nice for Wonwoo not to check his phone for a portion of the day. He imagines, if he hadn’t spent time distracting himself, he probably would have spent the last couple hours staring at it, waiting for a sign of life from Soonyoung.

Which he does now, as he rides the elevator up to Soonyoung’s apartment.

Nothing on KaTalk, nothing on Instagram. Not even anything on the Bubble account that Wonwoo secretly subscribed to. It’s almost like Soonyoung has fallen off the face of the earth entirely.

Wonwoo’s first inclination is to be mad about it, now that he’s not sober and a lot more amenable to confronting his own feelings. But mostly he’s sad. Mostly, he just wonders if his decision to take a back seat to Soonyoung’s career was the right move after all.

Maybe the writing is on the wall, so to speak. If Soonyoung is successful enough now for a few tour dates overseas, a twelve week tour can easily turn into a twenty week tour next year. 

And what happens then? If Soonyoung is too busy to contact him on his birthday - arguably when Soonyoung should be obligated to speak to him for even just a few seconds out of the 86,400 he has in a day - then what’s going to happen for the next twelve weeks? Is he going to not hear from Soonyoung at all? When Soonyoung gets to a point where he can sustain a longer tour, will Wonwoo really have to go no contact with his boyfriend for a third of the year?

And yes, Wonwoo told Soonyoung that his birthday wasn’t important. Yes, he said he didn’t need to go to Japan. Yes, he also has come to realize that both of these things are not true.

But the fact of the matter is clear and apparent now. Soonyoung doesn’t have time for him anymore. 

Wonwoo rides the elevator up and up as his happy mood sinks lower and lower. 

He steps out onto Soonyoung’s floor and puts the code into the electronic lock. It’s dark in the apartment when he enters, and he kicks off his shoes at the door with the kind of over-dramatic emphasis that feels good to express when he’s tipsy and sad and feels like shit.

“Goyangi,” he calls out into the darkness. “I know I’m late, but I will get on my knees and beg for you not to give me the silent treatment right now.”

He shuffles his feet down the hallway, feeling around until he finds the switch for the kitchen light. Then he turns it on.

Wonwoo stares, trying to make certain he’s not imagining things. 

Above him on all the cabinets and on the big center island, there are poorly taped lavender colored streamers. A few of them have started to fall down, but the ones on the island are flapping in the blasting of the aircon. 

There are balloons, too. Heart shaped mylar balloons being held in place by their strings pinned underneath a cake. It’s a really tiny one, maybe only five or six spoonfulls wide, but he can tell from the packaging it’s from an upscale bakery nearby that he loves.

The last thing he sees is the bowl on the counter.

It’s one of the bowls from the cabinet, one of the white ones with little pink cherry blossom petals on the inner-rim. It’s set up like it’s been waiting to be eaten, with a spoon and a pair of chopsticks set beside it. And inside the bowl - the unmistakable emerald hue of seaweed soup.

Goyangi is in her bowl on the countertop, too. And she happily eats her fancy fish-flakes. Her little, kumquat-shaped body floats up and down with a certain kind of dramatic-irony-infused joy. She seems to say no need to pinch yourself, you're not dreaming.

Behind him, on the couch in the living room, there’s a soft grunt of a yawn. Wonwoo turns around just in time to see a mess of platinum blonde hair, puffed up like a dandelion, rise up over the back cushion. Soonyoung raises his arms over his head, squishes his face up as he stretches, and then rests his elbows on the back of the couch with a sleepy, happy smile. 

“You’re finally home,” Soonyoung says, voice scratchy from sleep.

Wonwoo’s gapes. “ Soonyoung?”

Soonyoung sets his chin on the back of his hand. “Where’d you go? You’re never home this late.”

“Out. With…um...work friends. For my birthday.”

“Work friends?” Soonyoung perks up. “You made friends at work?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god, Nonu-ya,” he says excitedly. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah, it was nice.” 

“Did they get you drunk?”

“A little.” Wonwoo shakes his head in disbelief. He tries to rein the conversation back in to focus on the much more important topic. “Soonyoung-ah…you’re supposed to be in Japan.”

Soonyoung play-acts like it isn’t a big deal that he’s currently waking up from a nap in his own living room when he’s supposed to be a thousand kilometers east. “But it’s your birthday,” he retorts nonchalantly. “Who else was going to bring you seaweed soup?”

Wonwoo lets out a laugh that’s more like an exhale. “You have a concert in two days.”

Soonyoung shrugs. “But it’s tradition .” He stands up to his full height and he’s in plain sweats cut into shorts and a baggy t-shirt Wonwoo thinks might have belonged to him once. Soonyoung walks towards him and pulls Wonwoo into a hug. 

Immediately, Wonwoo’s body warms to it without his brain having much say in the matter. He takes Soonyoung by the waist and pulls him closer, tucking his face into Soonyoung’s cheek. “What about the company?” he mumbles.

“Well, what they don’t know won’t hurt them,” Soonyoung laughs. His whole body shakes with it, jostling Wonwoo around.

“Soonyoung-ah,” Wonwoo chides. If the company found out Soonyoung had basically run away to spend time with his secret boyfriend… Regardless of the last part, if they find out that Soonyoung ran away at all he’ll be in deep, massive trouble. Wonwoo knows he’s not worth all that.

Soonyoung leans back and looks up at Wonwoo’s face. “I wasn’t going to miss your birthday, Wonwoo,” he says firmly. “And if you couldn’t come with me to Japan then I was going to come back here to you.”

Wonwoo isn’t a crier. He hasn’t ever been and never will be. But a grand gesture like this, coming when he needed it most, feels like he’s about to crack right down the middle. His throat feels tight and itchy, he feels acutely aware of his heart rendering to shreds inside his chest.

Soonyoung pulls him into a kiss a little harder than he probably means to. Womwoo’s makes a surprised sound against his mouth and holds Soonyoung by the waist. It’s only been a few days, but it’s the kind of kiss you give somebody you love after you haven’t seen them for months. 

“I missed you,” Soonyoung says. He punctuates it with another kiss. Wonwoo’s chest aches with happiness.

“So much,” Soonyoung adds. And another kiss, this time, tongue first. Wonwoo’s toes curl against the laminate floor. 

Soonyoung starts to blindly lead him backwards down the hallway to the bedroom. He shakes his arm out backwards to try and judge the distance from their bodies to the nearest wall. Wonwoo tries to pull away, but Soonyoung is much stronger than him and holds him in place, kissing him hard enough that Wonwoo stumbles. At the very last second, right before he smacks his head into the wall, he flings his arm out to catch himself on the doorframe to Soonyoung’s bedroom.

At that, Soonyoung does pull back. He laughs gleefully and puts a consoling hand on Wonwoo’s face, readjusting his glasses for him. “Don’t knock yourself unconscious,” he warns.

Wonwoo is so smitten with him. “I think I might be unconscious already. I can’t believe you’re really here,” he says seriously.

Soonyoung smirks, pulling him the rest of the way into the bedroom. “Of course, I am,” he says. Like it’s obvious he always would be.

He watches Soonyoung ungracefully tear off his clothes until he’s completely naked. All his defined muscle and smooth skin on display like he’s trying to entice Wonwoo. As if Wonwoo needs enticing. He stands in the center of the room, pushes his hair off of his forehead and looks at Wonwoo with a smile that’s equal amounts cute as it is suggestive. 

“Nonu-ya,” he says sweetly. “Did you miss me too?”

Whatever response Wonwoo is about to give dies in his throat. Soonyoung shoves him back onto the bed with just enough force that Wonwoo falls ass first onto the mattress. With a flourish, Soonyoung drops to his knees and reaches for the buttons of Wonwoo’s work pants. He fumbles with the zipper, and impatiently pulls them down Wonwoo’s skinny legs once he has enough clearance. Wonwoo shifts around with the little help he can offer so Soonyoung can get him at least partially undressed.

Soonyoung doesn’t waste any time getting Wonwoo’s cock out and licking it from base to tip. The alcohol in Wonwoo’s system makes him sway. He doesn’t want to fall backwards, so he grabs onto Soonyoung’s shoulder for support.

Soonyoung is messy when he sucks Wonwoo off. He always has been. He loves it more than anything. Wonwoo watches Soonyoung drag his lips and mouth all over his cock more than he does anything resembling sucking it. Soonyoung keeps his eyes focused upwards, right on Wonwoo’s face, as if he’s trying to implore his affection through sight alone. 

Soonyoung licks the head of his cock, lapping at the precome gathering and then taking him down again. He bobs his head in singular focus before coming up for air again. Wonwoo digs his nails into the skin of Soonyoung’s shoulder, anchoring himself down for every time his cock hits the back of Soonyoung’s throat. Soonyoung moans when Wonwoo’s hips stutter with the effort not to move.

It’s the type of thing that dredges up Wonwoo’s more possessive side. Although this feels like a much better outlet than getting jealous over random fans and other idols. Wonwoo’s jaw starts to tighten as he watches Soonyoung take him all the way to the hilt, blinking up at him as he starts to force Wonwoo down his throat.

“Young-ah,” Wonwoo breathes. “Fuck.” 

Soonyoung eyes turn up proudly. He knits up his brows in stubborn determination, taking Wonwoo well past his own gag-reflex. Wonwoo can see that it’s uncomfortable for him, but it feels so good that it takes a second for his mind to catch up and convince him to tell Soonyoung to stop.

He gently pushes at Soonyoung’s shoulder and Soonyoung sits back on his knees. He looks up at Wonwoo with dejected confusion, his right hand holding Wonwoo’s cock by the base. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to hurt your throat,” Wonwoo says, panting. 

“I don’t care,” Soonyoung says emphatically. He strokes him loosely and Wonwoo shivers.

“But you have to sing in a few days, Young-ah. Just don’t strain you-”

“Wonwoo-ya,” Soonyoung cuts him off, scowling. “Will you just let it be about you for once?”

Wonwoo snaps his mouth shut. 

Soonyoung twists his hand more firmly, focusing at the tip. “Why do you always put yourself second?”

This feels like a very inappropriate time to have this conversation. One that they probably should have had well before Soonyoung left for Japan. Soonyoung is still stroking him, slick with spit, so tight in his hand that Wonwoo’s thighs twitch every time. He looks down at Soonyoung with what he can only assume is the dumbest look he’s ever worn on his face - probably the pinkest his ears have ever looked, too.

“I…other things are more important than me.”

“Not to me,” Soonyoung says seriously. 

Wonwoo licks his lips.

“Let me please just put you first,” Soonyoung says. Begs, really.

“Okay,” Wonwoo yields. 

“I just want to make you happy,” Soonyoung says, voice softening. “I came all the way here to make you happy. So please, just…tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”

It’s almost surprising, how when Wonwoo is presented with all of the opportunity and control, he doesn’t want what he thought he would have. Being domineering and rough and claiming Soonyoung doesn’t seem appealing at all. 

If Wonwoo gets to choose, it’s not their current positioning. He automatically reaches down and clumsily attempts to haul Soonyoung up by reaching under his arms. It’s not enough leverage and Wonwoo definitely can’t lift him, but Soonyoung smiles and follows Wonwoo’s lead.

It ends with Wonwoo settling Soonyoung into his lap. Soonyoung straddles him, perilously perched on his knees on either side of Wonwoo’s legs. Wonwoo hooks his hands into the backs of Soonyoung’s thighs to help with his balance and Soonyoung holds Wonwoo’s shoulders to keep from falling back.

“Is this really what you want?” Soonyoung asks curiously.

Wonwoo leans up and kisses the plush of Soonyoung’s bottom lip. He nods. 

“You really don’t want a blowjob?” Soonyoung says suspiciously.

Wonwoo laughs awkwardly. “No I just…” he looks up at Soonyoung’s face. “If I get to pick…” He kisses Soonyoung’s mouth again. “I’d just rather…go slow. How we used to.”

Soonyoung’s expression goes tender. He kisses Wonwoo gently, melting into him. Wonwoo takes his time now that Soonyoung is less excitable. He uses the opportunity to lick into his mouth, slide his hands up Soonyoung’s legs to hold onto his waist.

With that, Soonyoung’s legs spread further and further until he’s seated on Wonwoo’s lap. Wonwoo doesn’t even want to count the days since he’s been able to hold Soonyoung like this. It’s probably been months now. They’re always in a rush, trying to make time where there isn’t any.

Wonwoo uses his fore and middle fingers to trace around Soonyoung’s nipples. Soonyoung jolts, and Wonwoo feels so happy to feel Soonyoung respond to his touch like this again. He flicks his fingers, pinching until Soonyoung is squirming, gasping airy in the back of his throat.

“This supposed to be about you,” Soonyoung complains weakly. 

Wonwoo ducks his head down to lick a stripe over Soonyoung’s nipple. “This is about me,” Wonwoo counters. 

Soonyoung whines. “Doesn’t feel like it.” 

Wonwoo bites down and Soonyoung arches, the cleft of his ass grinding against Wonwoo’s cock. It’s wetter than it should be, and Wonwoo reaches downwards to press a finger to Soonyoung’s rim. It’s slick with lube. Wonwoo easily slips his finger inside.

“Did you prep already?” he asks in shock.

Soonyoung whines again, higher this time. He presses back against Wonwoo’s finger restlessly.

“I told you, it’s about you,” Soonyoung says. “I had this whole plan that you were going to come home from work and I was gonna have everything set out in the kitchen, but I was naked waiting for you in the bedroom with the big surprise. I was gonna blow you and then I was gonna let you tie me up and then..” Wonwoo adds another finger and Soonyoung stutters. “B-but then you were late and I got cold and I… ah …”

Wonwoo watches Soonyoung’s face crumple as he presses his finger into his prostate. Honestly, that look on Soonyoung’s face is the best birthday gift he could ever ask for. He slides out and presses in again, watches Soonyoung’s eyelashes flutter and his mouth fall open.

“I love you,” Wonwoo says wondrously. 

Soonyoung’s eyes are hazy when he opens them and then his face breaks into a smile. “I love you,” he says.

“Where did you put the lube?”

Soonyoung fishes it out from underneath the pillow and Wonwoo doesn’t waste anymore time not being inside Soonyoung. He slicks his cock, leads Soonyoung by the hips until he’s pushing up inside of him. Soonyoung tries to go faster, but Wonwoo holds him still, watching every expression on his face until he’s finally full to the hilt. 

“Wonwoo,” Soonyoung says desperately. Wonwoo leans in to kiss his mouth again. He grips his hips, not letting Soonyoung move right away. Soonyoung grumbles with annoyance, halfway though it melts into a groan. 

“Slow,” Wonwoo says. “Please, Young-ah?”

Soonyoung nods. “Slow,” he confirms.

Wonwoo lets him go just enough for Soonyoung to slowly rock back and forth. Not quite thrusting, not quite grinding either. Soonyoung just shifting his hips, Wonwoo buried deep inside of him, the two of them watching each other’s faces.

It feels like the early days. That first summer together. Wonwoo laying flat on his back in Soonyoung’s bunk in the trainee dorm, the other kids away at high school, and Soonyoung in his lap and drenched in afternoon sunlight. Wonwoo letting Soonyoung figure out which angle felt best. Soonyoung wriggling his hips around until he got the right spot. Wonwoo holding onto his thighs for dear life and trying not to come the second Soonyoung looked like he felt good.

The circumstances are very different, it’s night time for one, and Soonyoung’s giant bed is at least four times the size of the bunk bed they used to attempt to share. Now Soonyoung’s face looks older and more mature, and he’s more sure of what he’s doing when he rolls his body down onto Wonwoo’s cock.

Wonwoo holds him and feels no less affected than he did back then. 

Soonyoung looks down at him and tries to smile around his slack jaw. “Think..think I’m gonna come already.”

Wonwoo looks down and Soonyoung is dripping precome. He gathers it on his palm, uses it to stroke Soonyoung’s dick. Soonyoung makes a reedy noise of disapproval, slapping Wonwoo’s hand away. 

“Not yet,” he complains. “You first.”

Wonwoo laughs. He’s really not that far off. Especially once Soonyoung decides to set his mind to it. 

He still goes slow, like he promised. Only now he uses all the strength in his legs, all those years of dance training giving him all the muscle control he needs. He rises up until just the tip of Wonwoo’s cock is still inside him, and then slides back down until his ass rests against Wonwoo’s thighs. All the way off and all the way down, in a steady rhythm. 

Wonwoo gasps. It feels so good that it borders on hurting. He falls back onto his palms, uses his arms to keep himself upright, and watches his cock disappear into Soonyoung’s body.  “Soonyoung,” he moans. “Fuck.”

Soonyoung looks so pleased that Wonwoo is reacting so positively. But, Wonwoo can tell he’s on edge, that he’s getting close. His fingertips spasming on Wonwoo’s shoulders. 

Wonwoo does his best to drive his hips upwards to meet Soonyoung’s, their skin slaps loudly, and Soonyoung yelps with surprise. Only a few thrusts and Wonwoo is coming, fumbling outwards to grab hold of Soonyoung’s dick and stroke him, too, pulling him off the edge along with him.

Wonwoo falls backwards on the bed and Soonyoung collapses on his chest. They lay there for a couple seconds, panting. Soonyoung is sweaty beyond all belief and there’s a disgusting sticky mess congealing in between their stomachs. 

“Happy birthday,” Soonyoung says with a laugh. “Don’t forget about the soup.”

**

Wonwoo used to have a nighttime routine, too. 

Before all the rush to make sure KME could capitalize on Soonyoung’s overnight fame, Soonyoung used to play a role in that routine as well.

They shower one by one. Wonwoo goes first, and then Soonyoung. While Soonyoung finishes his turn, Wonwoo makes sure all the lights in the apartment are shut off and retrieves a cup of water for Soonyoung’s side of the bed for when he takes his nighttime vitamin pack. Soonyoung washes his face and Wonwoo takes off his glasses and curls up into bed to wait for him. 

Wonwoo likes routines. He likes to see that it’s only eleven at night when Soonyoung reemerges from the en suite bathroom. He especially likes that when Soonyoung crawls into bed beside him, they’re both still awake for once. When Soonyoung flips onto his side, silently demanding to be the little spoon, it feels like normal. It feels like home.

“I’m guessing you have to be back in Japan soon, right?” Wonwoo says. Soonyoung scoots back into his chest as far as he can possibly go. 

“My flight is at five,” Soonyoung huffs. “Seungcheol is coming back here at two.”

Wonwoo frowns. That only gives them a few more hours. He feels a horrible sense of regret. He selfishly doesn’t want Soonyoung to leave. 

“Soonyoung,” he says into the back of Soonyoung’s neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to Japan when you told me I should.”

Soonyoung turns his head. “Why would you be sorry about that?”

“I think I thought it would be easier,” Wonwoo explains. “I don’t know…I thought I would be getting in the way.”

Soonyoung flips over entirely, so their foreheads touch. The expression on his face almost borders on offended. “Wonwoo-ya why would you ever think you were getting in the way?”

Wonwoo clams up. The eye contact feels like too much for him, like he’s being laid bare and Soonyoung is getting to see all the inner parts of him he tries the hardest to hide. The insecurity and the jealousy, the feeling of rejection and being forgotten about. All the parts that are irrational and shameful.

“No,” Soonyoung pouts. “Jeon Wonwoo don’t you dare get quiet. Tell me what you’re thinking, please.”

He holds their hands together at his chest. Wonwoo sighs, wincing. 

“Everything in your life is changing, Soonyoung-ah. Sometimes I was starting to feel like I didn’t fit anymore.”

Soonyoung’s face changes from offense to outright hurt. He looks between Wonwoo’s eyes, frowning. “I know, Nonu-ya. I know I haven’t been the best at...you know…making you feel like you weren’t getting left behind.”

It feels nice to have the confirmation that Soonyoung was paying attention. A relief, of sorts. Wonwoo always has the expectation that people are ignoring him, that he’s forgettable. He thinks that it might be easier that way, if he can just blend in with the crowd.

But over the past few weeks he’s come to realize that all he wants is for Soonyoung to notice him. For him to pay attention and see exactly what he needs when Wonwoo is too afraid to say it.

“It’s why I came here,” Soonyoung says. “I wanted you to know that even when I’m busy, I’m always going to make time for you. Especially since I wouldn’t even be where I am right now without you.”

Wonwoo scoffs. “What are you talking about? Of course you would have.”

“No I wouldn’t,” Soonyoung says resolutely. He squeezes their hands together. “Do you know how many times I wanted to quit? Who do you think was the person that made me want to keep trying?”

Wonwoo shrugs. He knows he’s been there to support Soonyoung, but any time Soonyoung has gotten back up after a fall, it was his own determination that got him back onto his own two feet. Wonwoo can’t take credit for Soonyoung’s drive.

“Nonu,” he says exasperatedly. “Who do you think I was talking about in the ment at the concert? When I said, the people who always stayed by my side. That thank you isn’t enough.”

“I don’t know,” Wonwoo says weakly. “The company?” 

Soonyoung snorts. “Jeon Wonwoo, why do you think you’re not the most important person in my life? All I want to make you proud .”

“You do make me proud,” Wonwoo says. “But that doesn’t mean-”

“You’re not in my way,” Soonyoung says with finality. “You’re next to me.” 

Wonwoo exhales shakily. He’s not sure what to say, so instead he puts a hand on the back of Soonyoung’s head and guides him closer. He kisses him, because he’s not good at talking about his feelings or saying the right thing at the right time. 

Soonyoung is the one who’s good at that. The people-person who knows how to make people feel happy and special. From fans to even his own boyfriend. Wonwoo hopes a kiss like this will say thank you when he’s not sure how. 

Soonyoung is right, sometimes thank you isn’t enough.

“Come with me to Japan. In the morning,” Soonyoung says against his lips. “I’ll buy your ticket. My accountant set money aside for investment, but I don’t care.” 

“I can’t miss work,” Wonwoo chuckles. 

Soonyoung grumbles dramatically. “After all that? You still can’t miss work?”

“Just like you have a job, I have a job, too.”

“Fine.”

They lay in the bed forehead to forehead. Soonyoung pouts with his pretty, plush mouth, looking down at his and Wonwoo’s hands intertwined. Wonwoo stares at him with all the fondness in his heart seeping out from every pore. He feels so lucky. 

When Soonyoung was twenty-one, he talked about what it would be like to go on a world tour. It was in the context of the group debut that never happened, after Soonyoung had watched some other idol group’s vlog series about traveling across the United States.

He told Wonwoo how much the idea of it excited him. His cheeks were puffed up into a smile. It must be the most amazing thing ever , he said. You’re big enough that there are people in other countries who come to see you perform. And you get to go to all those places, right? Imagine how much fun that must be to get to travel all over the world with your friends?

Wonwoo at twenty-one years old had no idea what it would be like to date a successful idol on tour. At that time, he envisioned getting to travel to the U.S. with Soonyoung, maybe New York City. Going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and getting to research all the most famous pieces so he could explain them to Soonyoung. Walking around the city all day until their feet were tired. 

Then, at the concert - somewhere famous, like Madison Square Garden - Soonyoung would stand on the stage and Wonwoo would lock eyes with him from the crowd. Soonyoung would smile and Wonwoo would wave. They’d share a secret hello nobody would know about and Wonwoo would be so proud.

He’d forgotten all about that until now.

“But what about New York?” Wonwoo asks. He kisses the tops of Soonyoung’s knuckles. “I’ve always wanted to go to New York.”

Soonyoung looks up at him slowly and the smile that spreads across his face is brighter than any star in the sky.