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I Piss Me Off

Summary:

Just Marika, stuck with herself in the Erdtree, havin a talk.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

“…”

“So nothing to say at all about our current state?”

“How you even feel like talking right now is beyond me in all honesty.”

Of course even with saying that, Marika was not truly opposed to the idea of talking persay. Not like there truly was anything better to do. It's just that… to be here, stuck in this damned tree, literally talking to herself? It’d be comedic if it wasn’t reality, actually scratch that, it IS comedic, so comedic she won't be able to hold a serious conversation. Especially with herself.

Speaking of, their body rapidly shifts into his appearance, marked with an annoyed expression.

“I feel like talking quite a bit considering, oh yeah, WE ARE BOTH STUCK HERE BECAUSE OF YOU.”

At this their body shifts again back to Marika, who simply offers a shrug. Radagon is so bothered by this he doesn't even bother to cause a body shift, and instead lets loose a long series of annoyed grunts and groans within their mind, trying as hard as he can to imitate something dying a horrible death to accurately convey his feelings to himself. Marika simply shrugs again, knowing he’ll start up some lecture regardless.

He does just this after shifting the body. “I truly, TRULY, do not understand WHY you went ahead and decided to break the Elden Ring. I mean seriously why??? What was wrong with the Golden Order?!?”

“Well,” She said mentally. “I wanted to launch a formal complaint to the Greater Will, it kinda blows when it comes to ruling us to be honest.”

“YOU BLOW!”

“...”

“...”

“Wow,” Marika is laughing now in their head. “I suck ass at self deprecation, geez.”

“Shut up!” Radagon is so flustered he gives up the body and it shifts into Marika, who starts laughing even harder

Marika’s laughter goes on quite a bit, until Radagon jabs her with a solid point.

“You know, you’re one to talk about rulers that blow, what about Morgott and Mohg huh?!”

Marika however, does not seem to care. “What ABOUT Morgott and Mohg?”

“Holy shit I’m an asshole!”

“Damn right you are Mr. ‘I’ll abandon my wife to be with myself’”

At this Radagon goes silent.

“Oh what,” She pressed. “Not so eager to talk now, Choirboy?”

“I only came back to monitor you because you started thinking about shattering the Ring in my head!” Radagon yelled. “Now here we are!”

“So? I didn’t judge you when you had those fantasies of Godfrey in my head.”

Radagon is taken aback. “Those aren-”

“Or,” Marika cut him off. “When you and Rennala took up pegging.”

Radagon’s face would be crimson if he held the body. “Those aren’t comparable at all!”

“Seriously though,” Marika started. “What a bad reason to leave. The poor woman was devastated, and from whatever we hear Morgott muttering about outside the tree, it sounds like the kids went nuts as well. Rykard is a God devouring snake now? What the hell even is that Radagon?”

“...At least Malenia and Miquella turned out good.” Radagon quietly said.

“I guess?” Marika said questiongly, gazing up at the Erdtree’s interior. “Both are somehow under the curse of an entirely different fucking being from the Greater Will? We also left them nothing but a shitty light disk miracle. I feel like we still fucked up there”

Radagon is now silent, simply thinking about all he has done, all the lives of the kids. Finally after a long time he speaks in his mind:

“At least they didn't turn out like Godrick.”

“Oh thank fuck,” Marika said with a smile. “Got a point there.”

Notes:

Morgott behind the thorns listening in on the muffled argument: "Wtf goin on in there???"