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Peter’s in love. He’s drunk on it. He’s spinning-around-in-circles dizzy with it.
And he has no idea what to do.
The difficulty, of course, is that it’s Tony he’s in love with. There are so many reasons why it will never, can never go anywhere; he runs through them in his head, over and over, trying to find a solution for even one of those reasons and only becoming more frustrated and miserable.
*****
“You’re kidding.” Ned stares at Peter, his sandwich forgotten in his hand.
Peter pulls up a handful of grass and throws it at him. “Why would I be kidding? If I was going to joke about something, it wouldn’t be that.”
“Never know,” MJ says, reaching over and stealing a cucumber slice from Peter’s salad. “Maybe being Spider-Man has twisted your sense of humor.”
“Or made you lose your marbles.” Ned takes a bite of his sandwich. “I mean, how do you go from being in love with Liz to being in love with Tony Stark?”
*****
To be fair, Peter has asked himself the same thing more than once.
Liz moved through his daydreams like a gentle spring rain, while Tony… Tony makes him feel like he’s standing in the middle of a thunderstorm, a beautiful, brilliant, dysfunctional thunderstorm that he wants to drown in.
Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best metaphor, but it’ll do. Just being near Tony sends his senses into hyperawareness. When they’re around each other, he knows where Tony is all the time. Sometimes he’ll feel a rising heat on the back of his neck and the tips of his ears, and he knows when he looks over Tony’s eyes will be on him. Maybe it’s just a Peter-Tingle thing, but it doesn’t happen with anyone else.
And it’s been happening more and more lately.
He tries not to think too much about it, though. The last thing he needs is more disappointment.
*****
Peter is back at May’s for a long weekend and they’re at their favorite Korean place. May’s been watching him all through dinner and Peter braces himself for what’s coming. You look thin. Have you been getting enough sleep? You’re not doing too much Spider-Man stuff, are you?
“You’re in love,” May says. pointing her fork at him.
Well, that was unexpected.
“I - no, I’m just…”
May shakes her head. “I know you too well. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but I can tell.”
Peter shrugs one shoulder, staring down at his plate. “It, um…it’s nothing. Nothing that can go anywhere.” He pokes at his bulgogi with his chopsticks. “They, um, they don’t think about me that way.”
“‘They’?” May’s eyebrow lifts. “Are you playing the pronoun game? You know I’m the cool aunt, right?”
Peter can’t help laughing a little. “He,” he says. “He doesn’t think about me that way.”
“Maybe he does. Maybe you just don’t know it.”
“Nah..” Peter gives her a lopsided little smile. “This is firmly in ‘stupid crush’ territory. Can we not talk about it anymore?”
“Sure.” May reaches over and pats his arm. “But you know where to find me if you change your mind.”
*****
Ned snaps a piece onto the Lego Millenium Falcon (Rise of Skywalker edition, they’re not rolling in money) they’re building. “So like, does he know?”
“God, I hope not.” Peter takes a long swallow of his soda. “That would be the most embarrassing thing ever, and I’ve had a lot of embarrassment to compare it to.”
MJ, sprawled on the sofa reading an old issue of Popular Science from the 50s, turns to look at him. “What would you do if he did?”
“Die of said embarrassment,” Peter replies promptly. “Then run away. Die of embarrassment, then run away.”
Ned looks at Peter, considering. “Even if he feels the same way?”
“Never gonna happen,” MJ says.
“Gee, thanks.” Peter rummages through the little pile of bricks in front of him. “You sure know how to flatter a guy.”
“We don’t mean you’re like, not attractive.” To Ned’s credit, he doesn’t immediately follow that up with “No homo.” “It’s just that he’s way too old for you. Even if he did like you, he couldn’t tell you. It would suck if he ended up on Dateline NBC.”
“Tony Stark could buy NBC,” MJ says. “But I gotta agree with Ned. He’d never tell you.”
*****
They’re right. Peter knows they’re right. It’s just that once in a while, Tony says or does something that gives Peter a little hope.
And Peter is really, really bad at giving up hope.