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Jiang Cheng had only known one person in his life who had hanahaki. He had walked in to see his A-Jie coughing petals into the basin one morning when they had been studying in the cloud recesses. Her body convulsing as she tried to hack the petals from her lungs to no relief.

Yanli had wiped her chin, washed her hands and plastered on a smile as she walked over to a frozen and shocked Jiang Cheng and pulled him in for a crushing hug; he had reciprocated and held onto her tightly. His hands had clenched into her white and purple robes like a child.

"Please dont tell anyone, not even A-Xian." Yanli had whispered, breathless, her lips whiter than usual but her smile soft. Cheng had nodded as he looked into her gentle blue eyes much like his own, yet different.

"Who is it?" Cheng questions even though he thinks he knows who the culprit is and bunches his hands into fists. He could picture the gold of robes. The cocky smirk. The cropped hair and harsh words falling from the males lips.

"A-Cheng dont ask me. It wont make it better."

"I'm going to kill him. I dont care how much you like or love him." Cheng had all but growled, hand moving to Sandu, but stops when Yanli places her hand over his.

"There is no need for that. We are going home tomorrow and we wont see them after."

"All the more of a reason to beat the crap out of him." Cheng fumes and heads out the door with the intent to find Jin Zixuan. Yanli had shouted for him before realising she was breaking a rule and watches helplessly.

Jiang Cheng only makes it so far before he is, quite literally, bumping into Lan Xichen who steadied them both with his usual happy smile.

Jiang Cheng apologises before spotting the culprit he had been trying to find walking with Mian Mian. He sees red and marches over with a new intent.

"Jin Zixuan!" Jiang Cheng yells in anger as the Jin in question turns to him with a glare.

"What is it, Master Jiang? Here to apologise on behalf of your idiot brother?" Jin Zixuan sneers and Jiang Cheng doesnt even try to ignore the burning rage as he raises a fist and punches the peacock square in the jaw; before grabbing the mans hair and kneeing the male in the face sending him toppling to the floor with a harsh push.

"Jiang Wanyin!" Xichen calls in a panic as he grabs the smaller male and pulls him hazardously away from the Jin.

"I'll kill you if I see you again, Jin Zixuan!" Jiang Cheng calls as a last ditch attempt when Xichen all but carries his struggling form away.

Now in the calm of the Hanshi, Jiang Cheng glances to his brusing knuckles and tries to think of a way to hide it from his A-Jie. She would be so disappointed he fought with the peacock. He wont say he wasnt prideful enough to not like the way the Jin's nose had obviously been broken.

Suddenly a calloused hand is taking his bruised one and dabs at it with cold water then switches the cloth to warm water to sooth the bruising. Jiang Cheng glances to the frown on Lan Xichen's lips and feels a little guilty. He knew the elder hated fighting.

"Why did you hit Jin Zixuan?" Lan Xichen questions calmly as he holds the cloth to Jiang Cheng's hand; before golden brown eyes are glancing to Cheng's own stormy ones.

"He deserved it." Jiang Cheng huffs with a small glare to the elder who sighs.

"Your brother did a number on him yesterday and even though he hurt your sister he didnt warrant that."

"You dont know what he did! So dont presume I did it without reason!" Jiang cheng snaps and tries to take his hand back but Lan Xichen is too strong.

"If you told me I would understand." Xichen calmly replies as he blinks not even angry at Jiang Cheng's yell.

"I cant."

"Surely you can trust me."

"It isnt my secret to tell." Jiang Cheng sighs as he thinks back to his A-Jie coughing petals up into the basin.

"Alright, I'll believe you had a reason to attack him but Jin Zixuan is going to tell Lan Qiren what happened." Xichen explains as he finally takes the cloth off Jiang Cheng's hand the brusing going down.

"I dont care about the punishment." Jiang Cheng scowls then and his lip curls in distaste. "Lan's and their fucking rules."

"What was that?" Xichen questions as he stands and heads to the kitchen.

"Nothing, nothing." Jiang cheng mumbles and suddenly realises how rude he was being. He was in Lan Xichen's house. "I apologise for my unwelcome visit. I shall be on my way."

"Oh please, stay for some tea. Let the situation cool down the Jin's wont be too happy if they see you and I dont want another fight in Gusu."

"Alright." Jiang cheng sits back down and allows himself to relax.

Lan Xichen really was a nice person. Cheng thinks to himself as he fights off a yawn since Wei Wuxian had kept him up most of the night as they had talked trash about Jin Zixuan.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The Wens declare war and Gusu is the first to burn. Jiang Cheng believes Lan Xichen has died and feels oddly upset even if he hadnt known the man well he still helped Jiang Cheng during his stay in the cloud recesses.

The next to burn is Yunmeng and he is left with Zidian and his siblings to protect when he himself feels lost. He doesnt know what to do. He needed his parents no matter how much of a disappointment he was.

Then he loses his core to Wen Zhuliu and is whipped ten times by Wen Chao who laughs all the while listening to Jiang Cheng's screams of pain and tears. The pain is beyond anything he has ever felt even his core being crushed and he wants it to stop. Wants to bleed out but he wakes lucid a few times only to bang his head onto the wood of the slab he was tied to so he can become unconscious once again.

Jiang Cheng regains his core with the help of Wei Wuxian but all he wants to do is die. Why cant they let him die? He isn't worth fighting for.

As soon as he gets his core he loses Wuxian and that is worse than anything so he ventures to find Yanli who had been taken away by Song Lan. He finds her in the company of a group of people who come from now extinct clans.

During the time Wei Wuxian is gone he helps Lan Xichen recruit people before making a dramatic entrance back into the world. He declares himself the head of Yunmeng Jiang thanks to the help of Lan Xichen.

Jiang Cheng remembers meeting Lan Xichen for the first time and thinking he was hallucinating. The elder had smiled to him and declared he was here to help him and Jiang Yanli.

Jiang Cheng would forever be thankful and indebted to the Lan for that. Nothing he could do would ever repay that kindness. The sudden flash of pain in Jiang Cheng's chest when he had realised he couldnt repay Lan Xichen was harsh but he put it down to his still healing wounds that he had to treat with a salve. Unbeknowing of the seed that had took root in his heart.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng was fucked. Royally fucked. And nothing could change that because he had obviously done something terrible in his past life to warrant this cruelty. Still he just rolled his eyes and ignored his brother as they stood in the conference room with Nie Mingjue talking battle strategies.

Jiang Cheng didnt fail to notice the looks Wei Wuxian gave to Lan Wangji and is only just able to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the irony.

"The meeting is adjourned." Mingjue states as he grabs Baixia and heads out the Jins following moments later with Lan Wangji trailing behind.

Jiang Cheng sighs when he sees Wei Wuxian follow after the younger Lan. This would never end. The pining was obvious even to him and his sibling had teased him on his oblivious nature.

"Sect leader Jiang, are you alright?" Lan Xichen speaks up shocking the male who had completely forget the elder stood to the right of him.

"Yes, sorry." Jiang Cheng replies in a mumble before glaring to the Lan. "Don't call me Sect Leader so formally it doesnt sound right."

"Sorry, Jiang Wanyin. Would you accompany me for a walk?"

"I guess there isn't anything better to do around here." Jiang Cheng agrees and heads out the door first; the Lan following behind.

"You must be glad Wei Wuxian is back." Xichen smiles as he tries to pick up a conversation as they walk around the unclean realm.

"Indeed. Not as much as A-Jie she has taken to catering to his every need." Jiang Cheng scoffs then and Lan Xichen smiles at that. "Honestly the amount of lotus root pork rib soup he has had I'm surprised he isnt fat yet."

"I'm not surprised her soup is fantastic."

"You tried it?" Jiang Cheng looks to the elder Lan in shock and Xichen laughs lightly at that.

"Yes it was one of the best foods I've ever had the privilege of trying." Xichen smiles once again and Jiang Cheng has to look away because that smile was too bright for anyone to handle.

"I thought all Lan's were vegetarian?"

"No that is overly exaggerated. We dont have to be but some just choose to be."

"Ah..." Jiang Cheng nods dumbly before they round the corner to see their brothers fighting. Well more like Lan Wangji had Bichen against Wei Wuxian's throat as the other held his eyes closed.

Xichen takes a step forward as if he was going to intercede and Jiang Cheng finds himself placing a hand on the elders arm to stop him in his tracks. Xichen looks to the younger with confusion as Cheng shakes his head and steers them away.

"Wanyin what if they fight?" Xichen questions in worry as Cheng steers them down the other path to the sleeping quarters.

"Let them. It will break the tension at least." Jiang Cheng states then just as Jiang Yanli comes into view with her usual smile.

"A-Cheng there you are." Yanli smiles as she pulls her brother close in a hug that he reciprocates. Yanli had been hugging him and Wuxian more often maybe it was her way of making sure they were still with her after everything that has happened. "Sect leader Lan, greetings."

"Lady Jiang."

"A-Jie are you alright?" Jiang Cheng immediately asks as he notices the pale cheeks and chapped lips that mean his sister had been coughing up petals once again. Over the time since the whole ordeal in Gusu she had slowly got worse and now in close proximity to the peacock wasnt good.

"Nothing to worry about A-Cheng."

"Tell me Jin Zixuan didnt bump into you today. I'll rip him to pieces if he has." Jiang Cheng feels anger bubble in him as Yanli shakes her head. "Go lay down for a while. You dont look well, A-Jie. The banquet isnt until later on today."

"I made some soup so you and Sect leader Lan can have some." Yanli smiles before heading back to her quarters after handing over the basket. "Goodbye."

"Let's sit in the garden." Cheng sighs turning to the Lan who had been respectfully quiet and heads to the table.

"Thank you." Xichen nods and sits as the bowl is placed before him. The soup was still warm and as the two dig in they are quiet. Mainly because they felt inclined to follow the Lan teachings of no eating and talking.

Xichen places his spoon down once he had finished the soup and looks to a still eating Cheng who is slightly dazed. "Jiang Wanyin may I ask you something?"

"You just did but go on." Jiang Cheng blinks from the daze and returns his attention to golden eyes before glancing to the finished bowl and refilling it with seconds.

"Why are you so defensive about Jin Zixuan being around Jiang Yanli?"

"Have you ever heard of the old love tale, hanahaki?" Jiang Cheng questions and when Lan Xichen nods his head hesitantly; Jiang Cheng sighs. "The tale is old but they say a god of love fell in love with another god but was rejected. The god of love created a new flower to confess once again and when rejected a second time a seed grew and so did the flowers which he then coughed up. It is rumoured that the disease kills the victims every time they are around their loved one, their soulmate. Hanahaki is made from unwanted love or in some cases miscommunication between soulmates."

"Does Jiang Yanli have this?" Xichen breathes his eyes wide with shock as he watches Jiang Cheng frown.

"Sadly yes. It hasn't gotten much worse since training at Gusu but around Jin Zixuan it will and I cant let her die because of him."

"Isnt there a cure for it?" Xichen was intrigued he had heard the tale but not in detail.

"Yes there are three. One is for the person to confess their love and for it to be reciprocated. Two the person to have a surgery for the seed, thorns and flowers to be removed but so will most of their emotions. The third is to die a painful death." With each point Cheng holds up a finger much like a teacher would when explaining the types of ghouls a cultivator could come across.

"That is horrible. How could anyone endure such a thing?"

"No one does. There have been few cases but it isnt uncommon if ones soulmate doesnt love them. The flower is unique though. Whether size, colour or flower type itself."

"May I...may I ask which Lady Jiang has? I dont mean to overstep and you dont have to answer." Xichen states with a small frown.

"I know I can trust you...they are morning glories, blue ones. I found the definition and they mean affection." Jiang Cheng messes with Zidian which crackles purple lightning showing his anger and helplessness.

"Thank you for telling me. I hope Lady Jiang can have a happy ending even if it is surgery." Lan Xichen tries for a smile but it is more subdued and Jiang Cheng manages a small smile back.

"Do you wish for more soup?" Jiang cheng asks instead of replying and Xichen nods silently he would always take seconds and thirds of the soup.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The war continues and even though he tries Jiang Cheng cant keep the peacock away from Yanli when they accidentally cross paths but he is there to help when she coughs morning glories that had become more full flowers rather than just petals. It was growing stronger and her breathing worse.

Yanli waves him off each time and Jiang Cheng allows it after hugging her close and tight.

When he isnt around his A-Jie he is fighting more and more puppets that block his path to the nightless city and from killing Wen Ruohan. Nie Mingjue had set off days ago for an assassination attack and there was still no word which was worrying but they hoped he was succeeding.

It feels like a small eternity before the war finally ends and if it wasnt for Wei Wuxian almost being killed Jiang Cheng would have fallen to his knees in relief. Instead he rushes up the steps to his brother who is being held by the second jade of Gusu.

"Reckless idiot." Jiang Cheng whispers as he watches Lan Wangji pick his brother up and head off to the nearest medic waiting.

Yanli arrives later when she is given the letter to say that the war was over and her brother was being treated at the infirmary. Jiang Cheng is immediately swept into her hug and he allows himself to relax for the first time since Yunmeng burned down. They had actually won and his siblings were alive with him. They had avenged their family.

"Lady Jiang, Jiang Wanyin your brother has been located to a spare room if you want to go see him. He is still unconscious but stable." Lan Xichen informs the two as he walks over with a small smile; shocked when Yanli pulls the elder in for a hug too.

"Thank you, Sect leader Lan." Yanli smiles then and the elder softens with his own smile.

Jiang Cheng is about to speak up when he notices Jin Zixuan glancing to his A-Jie from the corner of his eyes. The Jin looked almost upset. Good, so he should, Jiang Cheng thinks as he holds back a scoff.

"Please lead the way Sect leader Lan." Yanli smiles as she pulls away from the hug and Xichen nods guiding her down the paths to the buildings which are being used as an infirmary.

The three walk into the room to the sound of the guqin softly playing a calming tune. Lan Wangji sits on the floor by the table playing his instrument that was also named Wangji. Not very creative Jiang Cheng scoffs to himself as he pauses by the door frame.

Yanli immediately tucks Wuxian further into the sheets and wrings a cloth in the warm water basin beside the bed. Dabbing the cloth on still sweaty skin softly and with so much care.

Jiang Cheng glances to Wangji then the bed once again before sighing and walking back out the room. Cheng wasnt needed and he was in great need of fresh air because he felt like he was slowly suffocating from the sadness in the room. He wanted Wuxian to wake up and joke; but he was obviously injured more than anyone had known.

"Wanyin?" Xichen questions quietly following after the younger with a furrowed brow.

"Mn..." Jiang Cheng cant verbally reply so he just hums; the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders but fear crushing him at the thought of going back to a burnt Yunmeng.

"Will you be alright? Wangji has said he will play for Wuxian to help his temperament and he should wake in two days."

Jiang Cheng nods once again not looking to the elder. He watches the sun begin to set on their freedom and the tears in his eyes arent exactly happy but they hold relief.

Lan Xichen takes a step forward and Cheng only has time to turn before he is being engulfed in a hug by the elder twin jade of Gusu. His hands are softly pressed to Jiang Cheng's shoulders and the crook of Xichen's neck is perfect for Cheng to be able to snuggle into but he refrains as he let's a silent tear fall from the comfort.

"Jiang Wanyin I want you to know I am here to help when you need it. You need only write and ask." Xichen states with conviction.

"Thank you, Lan Xichen. You as well." Cheng manages a smile as they pull away from each other. A unfamiliar feeling blooms in Jiang Cheng's chest as well as a tightness in his chest and throat like he wanted to cry once again or choke on his own emotions.

Meng Yao makes an appearance moments later and Xichen has to leave to help a qi deprived Nie Mingjue. Cheng is glad for that so he can ignore his feelings for the male who he had grown to see as a friend.

Lan Xichen has just rounded the corner when Jiang Cheng coughs; a tickle in his throat. It refuses to leave and after a few seconds of coughing does the feeling disappear and Jiang Cheng pulls away his hand to see the petal that had been lodged in his throat. The petal was a pale pink in colour and soft to the touch like silk.

Pink Rose's for admiration. Well it was true. Jiang Cheng admired who Lan Xichen, Zewu-Jun, was and whether it was through friendship or something more Jiang Cheng knew he didn't deserve the elders kindness. Much like he didnt when he was fifteen, sixteen or seventeen.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng ignores the single flower petal he had coughed up for the remaining days he is at the nightless city waiting for Wuxian to wake up and then attending the banquets with a smiling Wei Wuxian and a calming Jiang Yanli. It could have been a false alarm and the next few times he is around Xichen the tingling feeling in his throat doesnt happen and no more petals appear which is a good sign.

When he returns to Yunmeng he immediately begins repairing it. He may be the sect leader but he was as involved in the rebuilding as possible. Carrying around wood for the builders. Carving the wood for the doors at the main pavillion and sanding down wood where he can. The disciples and builders all give him jobs when he enters the room and everyone is enthusiastic to help their sect leader in the rebuild.

The months pass and he hears of how the other clans are rebuilding and getting back to normal. Gusu was almost finished being rebuilt after the fire and the Nie had finished the repairs from the battles waged in their walls. It also was said the same about the small clans which had begun to pick themselves back up.

Then Jin Zixuan is inviting them to a night hunt and Yanli seems happy to accept on their behalf even as she coughs slightly into her hand as she sits across from Jin Zixuan. This spurs Cheng to get rid of Jin Zixuan quickly with an agreement and a curt goodbye as the elder is led back out of the main pavillion and to the docks with the three siblings.

Wuxian let's the Jin out and Jiang Cheng guides his sister away just in time for her to cough up a single morning glory that she holds in her hand like something precious not something that could and was killing her, slowly. All because she loved the worst person in the world, Jin Zixuan.

The night hunt itself is a nightmare. Mess after mess revealed and Jiang Cheng is hurt and confused as he finds Yanli coughing bloody petals and flowers into the basin as if she couldnt breathe properly until they were all gone. First no one would tell him what was happening with Wei Wuxian. Xichen had suggested he talk to his sister and he had overheard the bastard Leader Yao say his only credibility was because of Wuxian and the fear he caused. Not that Jiang Cheng was the fearsome Sandu Shengshong who people cowered away from during the war in fear of sandu and Zidian alike.

"A-Jie..."

"A-Cheng..." Yanli tries to hide the basin that is filled with blood but then the same blood is dripping from her lips down her chin and Jiang Cheng panics. "Its not that bad dont worry."

"Not that bad?! A-Jie you have thorns cutting up your lungs and throat because of that bastard. What did he say?" Jiang Cheng fumes his eyes alight with anger as he holds Yanli close not caring for the blood that drops onto his shoulder. "Please A-Jie get the surgery."

Jiang Cheng already knows the answer. It's the same one he had been given when he had woken up from his induced coma by Wen Qing. The woman was amazing at all things medicine and when Jiang Cheng asked Wen Qing said she had done the surgery before. They had tried to ask Yanli who just sadly smiled and shook her head no. Yanli wanted to feel all of her emotions and she wanted to love Jin Zixuan.

"Jin Zixuan said nothing bad I swear." Yanli shakes her head and retells what happened as she leads her brother to the bed before sitting next to him too. Ignoring the question about surgery. The two are silent for a few minutes as they process the words and the actions taken.

"That...is a lot to process."

"I know but A-Cheng please dont be angry at A-Xian he was just going what was right." Yanli places a hand on her brothers and Jiang Cheng squeezes it with a small smile.

"I'm happy you stood up for yourself and Wuxian. I would have loved to have seen it." Jiang Cheng and Yanli laugh then and relax for a moment. Cheng felt happy and content even if Yanli's condition was getting worse.

The happiness is short lived as they head to the banquet and Wuxian makes an appearance breaking the peace and creating a huge mess once again all to save the Wen's and even though Jiang Cheng agrees; he doesnt have the power to fight the Jin's or protect his brother who storms out of the hall on a war path to save the Wen desecendants and go against the cultivation world.

Jiang Cheng's chest tightens as he watches Lan Wangji agree to go after Wei Wuxian but all he can do is console Yanli and head to the living quarters with her.

Cheng has just gotten Yanli to sleep after hours of crying. The storm outside growing stronger and the sound of the wind like a whip he was familiar with and so frightened of as he holds a hand over his chest where his own scars of the whip lay. Trying not to whimper at the reminder of his horrible past. He didnt want to wake Yanli up again.

Whip scars from saving his brother from death and the physical manifestation of the despair and depression he allowed himself to settle into instead of fighting. Proving how much of a coward he was in life.

The sound of someone knocking on the door breaks him from his revelry and he stands slowly taking small steps to the door. Lan Xichen stands in blue, his hair slightly damp and a frown on his lips as he looks over Jiang Cheng.

"Jiang Wanyin I regret to inform you Wangji has come back without Wei Wuxian who has escaped with the Wen's."

"Thank you for informing me." Cheng bows slightly mind still processing the words as if foreign and untangible. Maybe it was for the best because Jiang Cheng didnt want to cry in front of Lan Xichen. It would further prove his uselessness and weak willed heart.

"Wanyin..." Xichen begins again but pauses as he looks to Jiang Cheng with sadness that the younger hates immediately. He wants it gone from the elders face. "I'm truly sorry."

"You dont need to apologise. This isnt your concern." Jiang Cheng dismisses and wishes the elder a goodnight before closing the door.

The tingling returns and he coughs thrice before the petal falls to his hand and he grinds it to dust and laughs humorously to himself. So his fate had been decided then. Well then, Jiang Cheng sneers, bring your worst.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Cheng tries to find Wuxian to tell him he couldnt protect him and to reconsider for A-Jie's sake but it was also for his own sake. Jiang Cheng missed his brother and even through his anger he still loved Wuxian fiercely and without meaning because they grew up together and would always be brothers. No amount of anger for what Wei Wuxian had done could change that.

He walks into the dead area of Yiling with little hope of finding the elder if it wasnt for the hoof prints left from the horses they had rode on. Jiang Cheng felt like he couldnt breathe and the air was murky and thin as he ignored the crunching of dead grass under his feet.

The barrier is pathetic and easy to break with a single whip of Zidian. Almost too easy as if Zidian was allowed to break it. Still Cheng shoulders on and comes to the clearing where old and young ambled about making their home. None of them revengful or filled with anger but happy and laughing as they watched a small child dance around with Wei Wuxian. They wanted peace like the rest of the world.

"A-Cheng..." Wei Wuxian speaks up as he finally spots the younger and walks over his smile dulling.

"Wei Wuxian what were you-" Jiang Cheng begins but suddenly something latches to his leg causing him to look down. A child of only one almost two years old looks up at him with a smile.

"A-Yuan come on now. Leave sect leader Jiang alone." Wuxian tries to coax the child who refuses and rocks Jiang Cheng's leg with a laugh. Giving his best glare to the child doesnt even faze the little one and Cheng tries not to melt at the sight and remembers why he was here.

"Wei Wuxian how could you?"

"Jiang Cheng you don't understand." Wuxian sighs and he looks more ragged than usual and Jiang Cheng feels a new anger. This wouldnt be the case if Wei Wuxian just came home! Why couldnt his brother see that?

The two end up fighting and Jiang Cheng shoulders the pain of a broken arm and heads back to Lanling for his sister. Thoughts of how his life has been forever changed. He had no one now. Wei Wuxian broke his promise and that hurt more than anything else. Even Yanli was willing to die for her love rather than choose to stay with Jiang Cheng. Then again it's his own fault because he was weak and never lived up to the clans motto. His mother and father would be so disappointed in him of they were still alive. He couldnt protect or keep anyone with him.

The only good thing to come about the ordeal is that Jiang Yanli and Jin Zixuan finally had time to talk and confess their feelings for each other. Jin Zixuan had been surprised that Yanli had collapsed into his arms and coughed up flowers and petals until the seed itself finally removed itself from her lungs. The Jin had been horrified he had caused Yanli so much pain and continued to apologise profusely to Yanli every time they met during the months leading up to their wedding.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng grows used to every petal that falls from his lips when he think of Lan Xichen or when he gets a letter from the elder asking about his health and the clan. Its nothing bad. The disease was in its early stages and hideable from everyone. It only happened once every few weeks if that. It merely meant he favoured Xichen's friendship and was unworthy of it.

Everything became well for a while. Peace seemed to be upon them and Cheng is meeting his nephew a few minutes after Jin Ling is born. The little baby all shrivelled and crying, fists flying and Yanli is tired but she smiles to her brother from the bed with Zixuan next to her catering to her every need.

Then his sister is dying in his arms a month later. Jiang Cheng looked down at the body before him with no idea what was happening. His mind was trying to catch up with what was happening.

"Jie Jie....A-Jie wake up." Jiang Cheng stares down at his sister who was pale and going cold in his arms.

There is no response and Cheng panics more his eyes filling with tears as he looks down. How could this happen? How could Wei Wuxian do this? How could all this mess up so badly?

The blood had long since seeped into his robes as he held onto Yanli but he didnt want to let her go because if he did she would be gone for good. The reality will kick in if he let his sister go.

Jiang Cheng rests his head on Yanli's temple letting his tears fall without the fear of being called weak. His grip tight, his knuckles white. Why couldn't she have just stayed with A-Ling?

Oh god A-Ling was parentless.

"Jiang Wanyin?" A soft voice calls and the flash of blue stops a feral zombie with a quick slash.

The sudden appearance of Lan Xichen makes him hyper focused on the fighting, the zombies and Wuxian playing his flute by the edge of the cliff as a trickle of blood falls down his chin. Anger bubbles in his chest as he kisses Yanli on the forehead and lies her down gently moving her away from the fighting and lying her head on a rock. He grabs his sword out of his sheath; feeling empty of emotions and feeling everything at once.

Jiang cheng watches as his brother in all but blood falls back letting go of the flute. Then Lan Wangji is rushing to catch Wei Wuxian. Anger turns him into a vengeful person and Jiang Cheng is mad that Wuxian was trying to kill himself. If he had wanted to die so bad he only had to wait a few seconds until Jiang Cheng got to him.

"A-Cheng..."

"Jiang Wanyin! Stop it."

Jiang Cheng watches as Wuxain's pasty skin covered in sweat turns even whiter. The silent tear and soft smile getting to Cheng who pauses with the sword to his brother. The anger dissipates from him slightly and he cant kill his brother because that is what Wuxian wanted. He could see it in the desperate eyes of a half crazy cultivator who had lost his way he had to kill the person his brother had become. A crazed villian who wanted to die before he lost control. "Wei Wuxian, go to hell!"

The sword lodges into the rock and gives Wuxian the chance to break off from Wangji's hold falling to his death with his eyes closed. Jiang Cheng stood next to Wangji as Wuxian fell and subconsciously held his hand out as if he could catch his brother but he had ultimately been his downfall.

"Wei Ying!" Wangji's anguished voice yells and its shocking to hear the elder yell in front of Cheng who takes a moment to compose himself before walking away.

Jiang Cheng ignores Lan Wangji in favour of walking over to his sister's body with the intent to place her by her husbands side even if he wanted to take her to rest at home. Yanli is barely cold as he collects her into his arms.

"Jiang Wanyin." Lan Wangji's voice is full of anger as he comes to stand in front of him.

"I dont have time for this Lan Wangji." Jiang Cheng is clipped as he holds Yanli's body closer to not jostle her. He had lost everything. Everything but Jin Ling.

"How could you?"

"Lan Wangji i know you are grieving but my sister is dead because of Wei wuxian. I have a funeral to arrange and a nephew to make sure is looked after." Cheng glares to the taller man whose anger is just as vicious in his eyes.

"Lan Wangji, Jiang Wanyin...What is going on?" Lan Xichen questions as he walks over with a somber look to the two.

"I have to get my sister to the Jin clan so she can be buried with her husband." Jiang cheng glares to Wangji before moving forward past the twin jades.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng had swapped his purple robes for white plain ones and now sat at the Jin ancestral hall where his sisters body rested in a coffin and her husband Jin Zixuan lay in his own.

Cheng's legs had gone numb long before and he didnt care as long as he rocked a sleeping Jin Ling in his arms. His nephew cried himself to sleep every time he had been left with anyone but Cheng and since then he refused to have the nanny look after his nephew. The Jin's couldnt look after children.

"Sect leader Jiang, thank you for looking after Jin Ling." Madam Jin is quiet as she comes to kneel beside him.

"Madam Jin, I'm sorry for your loss." Jiang Cheng bows his head formally.

"You've lost just as much. Why dont you let Jin Ling go to the nanny?" Madam Jin leans over and coos over a sleeping Jin Ling before becoming sad once again.

"I dont want to leave him." Cheng admits as he holds Jin Ling a little tighter making sure not to wake him as he swaddled the blanket closer to his chest properly. "Madam Jin, I know this may sound weird but did Jiang Yanli get buried with her warm clothes. Does she have a blanket? She never liked the cold."

"She was buried just the way you asked. She will be warm."

"Warm six feet under the ground? Impossible." Cheng frowns tears in his eyes as he stares longingly at his sister's tomb waiting for her to climb out and hug him close. Waiting for her to come into the room with pork ribs and lotus root because he was sad and she couldn't stand her baby brother's with a frown.

"Jiang Cheng, I have a favour to ask of you." Madam Jin sighs tired and she looks to have aged ten years since the deaths of Jin Zixuan and Yanli.

"What is it?"

"Can you take care of Jin Ling until he is needed in the Jin Clan?"

"You would let me take him? He is your grandson." Jiang Cheng glances to Madam Jin; shocked by the favour. He had wanted Jin Ling and he was going to fight for alteast having his nephew for the summers.

"Its because he's my grandson I want him to go with you. You have sharp edges and you're not always kind but he is your last piece of family. He would become corrupt in the Jin clan."

"I will take him. I was going to ask to take him for the summers anyway and even though he is a Jin he is a Jiang too. He cant lose that."

"Look after him and treat him like your son." Madam Jin smiles softly before kissing Jin Ling on the head and patting Jiang Cheng on the shoulder. "Take him now whilst I go smooth it over with my husband."

Jiang Cheng doesn't question this as he stands shaking his legs awake and bowing to his sister and Jin Zixuan. He takes Sandu as he stands properly his Jiang bell chiming in his grief to sooth his soul. Jin Ling hears it and yawns once again.

Heading out the pavilion he walks into Jin Guangyao, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue. Nodding to the two sect leaders and the fellow uncle to his young orphaned nephew.

"Sect leader Jiang, I'm sorry for your loss." Mingjue frowns and offers a consoling bow which Jiang Cheng acknowledges as Guangyao heads over to give Jin Ling his bell that Jiang Yanli had crafted for Wuxian to have since he lost his original one in the war. Jin Ling clutches it in his hand and Cheng hears it ring.

"I hate to leave so soon but Jin Ling is in need of his bed and I'm quite tired." Jiang Cheng frowns as he looks to Guangyao who narrows his eyes.

"I can take Jin Ling to the nanny for you." Guangyao states, his dimpled smile his arms out for his nephew and even though Cheng doesnt pull Jin Ling closer he still narrows his eyes slightly.

"No, that's quite alright. I will not cart my nephew to some nanny I can look after him better than she." Jiang Cheng glares to the nanny that makes her rounds to take Jin Ling away.

"Jiang Wanyin, nothing is going to happen to Jin Ling."

"I know that but he needs family not nannies."

"What Wanyin means is that he wishes to look after Jin Ling to keep him happy. He has been crying when he is without Wanyin." Lan Xichen tries to smooth over the sudden tension as Cheng shifts so Jin Ling is more comfortable.

"Yes, of course. It must be hard to loose almost all your family." Guangyao smiles softly then and moves back after Jiang Cheng nods.

"If you'll excuse me."

"Allow me to walk you?" Xichen questions Jiang Cheng who reluctantly nods and heads forwards through the Jin sect.

"The sleeping quarters are this way." Xichen pauses pointing left and instead Jiang Cheng moves to the entrance once again without answer. "Jiang Wanyin."

"I have a really long journey back to Yunmeng, Sect leader Lan. If you will excuse me." Cheng states with a small bow as he shifts the blanket around him to secure baby Jin Ling on his front so he didnt fully have to carry him in his own arms. Securing the blanket behind him he ties the knot.

"You are leaving with Jin Ling?"

"Yes that seems to be the reason I'm leaving with him. I would be thankful if you didnt say this to anyone until Madam Jin has finished telling her husband."

"Are you allowed to take him from the Jin sect? Isn't he needed here?" Xichen tilts his head in confusion his ebony hair falling as he steps a little closer.

"I'm his uncle I am allowed to take him if I so wish. He is a Jiang as well." Jiang Cheng feels anger build in him.

"I never insinuated otherwise. The flight is very long please be safe and send me a letter when you are settled. If you need anything I will try to help." Xichen smiles softly then and leans over to stroke Jin Ling's soft hair.

"Thank you sect leader Lan."

Jiang Cheng flies for all of twenty minutes before he's coughing and instead of one petal there are three in his hand.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Being a sect leader and a full time parental figure to his nephew was no easy feat. Jin Ling refused to sleep for the whole night even when he wasnt hungry and he woke Jiang Cheng up every two hours crying his head off until he is given Yanli's robes that still holds the scent of her perfume.

The first time he hosts a cultivation meeting for the sects he is beyond shattered and couldnt be bothered listening to the likes of Ouyang, Yao, Shang and Jin argue as Nie Mingjue glared at everyone and Nie Huaisang hid behind his fan.

"I dont understand why you cant trade with me. I mean-" Sect leader Yao begins with his usually annoying voice when a piercing cry from a small ten month old who was annoyed and tired.

"Sect leader Jiang, master Jin Ling doesnt seem to want to settle without you." Yu Yinyang, his new spider sent from the yu sect, bows before his lotus chair and Jiang Cheng sighs.

"Please bring him in." Cheng waves to her and she nods with another bow before swiftly leaving.

"Is everything alright sect leader Jiang?" Jin Guangshan questions with a soft smile that is so grotesque that Cheng wants to hurl into his tea. Or you know, throw the tea over Jin Guangshan.

"Continue, Sect leader Yao." Jiang Cheng waves his arm; Zidian sparking with his emotions just as Jin Ling is carried in by Yu Yinyang. He has big fat tears down his cheeks and red eyes from crying his heart out.

"Jiu." The ten month old Jin Ling gives a hiccup of sadness as he stops crying fully to reach out for the leader who accomodates the child and holds him close in a hug.

"Jin Ling, how rude of you to run from your nanny." Cheng whispers but rocks the young child who leans up to pat his cheek and then rests his head on the males chest, blabbering.

Jiang Cheng looks up to see all the sect leaders watching him and Jin Ling. Coughing slightly he looks to the others with a glare that suddenly has everyone back to talking about trading once more. Although Jiang Cheng can see the tilt to Nie Huaisang's eyes, the small smile on Lan Xichen's lips and the softer look on Nie Mingjue's face.

"As I was saying-" Sect leader Yao begins again and Jiang Cheng is immediately turning back to Jin Ling who pats his cheek once more.

"I prefer you over all these people, A-Ling." Cheng whispers softly as he rocks the young child who squeals in happiness. "Hush now, A-Ling."

"Jiujiu!" Jin Ling sqeuals once again and Jiang Cheng bites his lip to keep back the smile as his nephew wriggles out of his grip onto the steps that lead down to the other tables.

"A-Ling..." Cheng scolds as everyone stops to watch the child with wonder and Leader Yao with annoyance. The old man was tired of being disrupted but no one wanted to listen to him for another minute.

"Jiu!" Jin Ling yells but heads towards sect leader Lan who sits calmly with his cup of tea, his usual patient smile and perfect sitting position.

"Hello, young master Jin." Lan Xichen smiles softly as the ten month old smiles and crawls over to the elder Lan.

Jin Ling blabbers happily and holds his arms up indicating for the Lan to pick him up. Lan Xichen looks to Jiang Cheng who nods once. Xichen smiles before picking the ten month old up.

After that Jin Ling calms down and sits happily in the Lan's lap as Xichen addresses the night hunting in a rural area around the border of Lanling and Gusu. Jiang Cheng was barely paying attention because Jin Ling was being so quiet in another person's arms and that almost never happens and this was the first break he has had in a long while.

It's another hour before Cheng calls it a night using Jin Ling needing to sleep as his excuse. Lan Xichen stands, Jin Ling still in his arms. "Thank you for looking after him."

"Its alright, he was an angel." Lan Xichen smiles as he shifts Jin Ling as if to give him back to Cheng but chubby hands refuse to let go of the pristine white robes.

"He's more like a little devil. Come this way, I think if I detach him from you he will scream. This is the quietest he's been in weeks."

"You must be exhausted, Wanyin. If you want I can play liebeing to help you sleep. Music is always soothing."

"I don't think even music would work for me now." Cheng admits with a tired yawn that Jin Ling copies moments later. The three walk to the private dock where Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng's sleeping quarters were. Not that Jin Ling didnt have a crib in Jiang Cheng's room because babies needed caring for almost twenty four hours a day.

"Please give it a try. I want to help at least a little." Xichen smiles towards Jiang Cheng as Jin Ling holds tighter to the Lan with no intent to let go anytime soon.

"We can sit by the edge of the dock and you can play." Cheng agrees as he leads them forward to the edge and sits. Jin Ling snuggles into the elder Lan after patting the elders cheek his sign that he was happy to be held by the Lan. "Jin Ling likes you. That's a first."

"I like Master Jin too. He is very cute just as cute as Lan yuan and Lan Jingyi."

"Lan Yuan? Lan Jingyi?"

"They are my nephew and distant cousin alike. Lan Jingyi's parents, my cousins, died." Xichen explains as he grabs liebieng from his side and let's Jin Ling trace the smooth Xiao for a moment before bringing it to his lips and softly playing an old lullaby.

The song is soft and calming even for Jiang Cheng who was adamant it wasnt going to work beings to fall to sleep as well. His eyes becoming heavy and his head falls down onto a sturdy shoulder but he doesnt even care as sleep finally reaches him.

Cheng wakes hours later to a familiar tickle to his throat as he coughs petals into his hand and hides them as Xichen opens his eyes from his meditation.

"Are you alright, Wanyin?"

"Yeah just need a drink. You can take Jin Ling to my room whilst I get a drink. Good night, Xichen and thank you." Jiang Cheng bows once again knowing that Xichen wasnt able to stop him with his arms full of Jin Ling.

"No need to thank me. I can play for you and Jin Ling any time."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng wanted to curl into a ball and cry or rip his hair out but he endures the crying from a one year old Jin Ling only because tomorrow he was finally going to Gusu and would be able to cart the child off on Lan Xichen who would have the child asleep in ten minutes with the help of his Xiao and fine musical skills.

For now though the old Yunmeng song, his father used to sing to him, Wuxian and Yanli when they were ill, would have to do. The deep lilt to his voice vibrates in his chest where Jin Ling lay curled up; calming the child who could also hear his uncles steady heartbeat.

Tears on chubby cheeks are wiped away by Jiang cheng, as eyes droop in sleep but still Jin Ling holds the toy dog close as he finally falls to sleep. Cheng sighs as he walks into his quarters and lies the child in his crib.

The next morning the younger Jiang disciples are ready to go to Gusu to train for the next year and Jiang Cheng swaddles Jin Ling close to him as he steps on Sandu. He didnt want Jin Ling to get a cold especially so late into the winter.

The hours long journey is tedious but he doesnt want to admit seeing the younger disciples messing around as they fly made him feel nostalgic. He wished he could still do the same and he hears the familiar laugh of his brother teasing him before he is breaking from his revery and glaring to the air before him as trees race past.

Landing at Gusu he is greeted by Lan Xichen who smiles to them kindly stepping close to greet Jin Ling. The one year old immediately reaches for the Lan who laughs and takes him from Jiang Cheng.

"I've missed you too, A-Ling." Xichen whispers as he heads up the steps with Cheng following beside him. The disciples trailing behind taking in Gusu with wonder.

"He's yours now." Jiang Cheng jokes and Xichen glances to him with a small smile; eyes filled with an emotion Cheng didnt know how to comprehend.

"Why do you say that?"

"Singing my usual song doesnt help him sleep. I'm afraid my horrible voice isnt enough after hearing liebieng and your voice." Cheng whispers as they escort the disciples into the main pavillion before Lan Qiren then exiting once again to the Hanshi.

"I'm not sure that's entirely true." Xichen laughs then just as two children come rushing over only just sticking to the Lan rule of not running.

"Shushu!" The two yell with smiles as they rush the elder Lan who still holds Jin Ling who is half asleep and in need of a nap. The snow had begun to fall since they had been in the main pavillion.

"A-yi, A-Yuan. What do I owe this early arrival for?" Xichen smiles as one of the children latches onto Xichen's leg and Cheng is thinking back to his talk with Wei Wuxian. That child must be dead now Jiang Cheng thinks with sadness.

"Lan Xue let us go early. We drew something for you." The excited child exclaims as the quieter one nods from his place clutching onto Xichen.

"Alright, to the Hanshi then. We can have some hot chocolate and a nap."

"I dont want to nap though." The taller one whines and Jiang Cheng fights a laugh because he knows if he gets attached he would only cause himself pain when they inevitably died or left him.

"A-Yi no arguments, please." Xichen steers them to the Hanshi and the two children immediately go to sit on the bed together. Xichen places Jin ling with them and heads to the kitchen whilst Cheng sits by the table watching the children just incase anything happened to his nephew. Jin Ling had just found mobility of his legs and was using them to the best of his ability.

"Here, green tea for you Wanyin. A-Yuan, A-Yi come sit by the table and have your hot chocolate."

The two children toddle over and Cheng goes to grab Jin Ling before he can start to make a fuss. Setting the child in golden robes down onto the floor the one year old begins to walk over to Lan Xichen who smiles widely to the younger.

"You can walk now! Well done A-Ling." Xichen grins as Jin Ling falls into him giggling as Xichen claps before tickling the younger.

"Yeah he learnt two weeks ago."

"I told you he wasnt lazy."

"Mother said A-Jie learnt to walk at ten months. I walked at nine. He's a Jiang he should have learnt before he was one. He's lazy just like Jin Zixuan was." Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes as Xichen laughs more; finally giving up on tickling the child in favour of sitting him in his lap.

"Uncle can we go to see the bunnies after the nap?" The small child questions and Cheng blinks looking to the child and only just holding back a gasp. He looked exactly like the child Wuxian looked after on Yiling now Jiang Cheng could see the child.

The child looks to Jiang Cheng with a smile and his purple eyes are telling enough. This was the child at Yiling. Yuan looked healthier though now. His cheeks chubbier.

"Of course A-Yuan."

Jiang Cheng keeps quiet until all three of the children are asleep on Lan Xichen's bed then he glances to Xichen who tilts his head in question. "This child, A-Yuan, how is he related to you?"

"He is my adopted nephew."

"So he is Wangji's adopted son?" Jiang Cheng chokes out then a hand going to his mouth to cover the shock.

"Wanyin?" Xichen worries as he walks over to Jiang Cheng and grabs his wrist to steady him. Zidian sparks and Xichen doesn't flinch away because Zidian would never hurt the elder Lan.

"Wen Yuan. Wangji saved him from the burial mounds." Jiang cheng smiles letting out a gasp as he looks to the children sleeping soundly. "At least one of them survived. I'm glad."

"Wanyin, you arent mad?"

"No why would I be?" Cheng relaxes then and Xichen wraps the younger in a hug that Jiang Cheng needed. "Hes just a child. Please look after him well, my brother -Wei Wuxian- would have wanted that."

"Of course, Wanyin."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng watches not only Jin Ling but Lan yuan and Lan Jingyi grow before his eyes and wishes he could make time stop. Wishes his sister and brother were here to witness this because they would be so proud.

Five years pass and Lan Xichen is prevalent in all those years. Just a letter away if he needed to come to Yunmeng to calm A-Ling.

Then ten years pass and Jiang Cheng is agreeing to a Jin tutor to begin to teach a ten year old Jin Ling. Xichen cries on his shoulder the night after Nie Mingjue dies from qi deviation.

Then fifteen years pass and Jin Ling has to leave him more often now to learn the Jin rules and foundations to become a sect leader and even though Jiang Cheng hates it he must endure. This was Jin Ling's life not his.

The disease had grown worse over the years and as he researched the condition he realised more.

The development of petals didnt always mean love; it began with a strong emotion towards someone. A soulmate. A perfect match. If the diseased person believed the emotion to never come true then a seed planted and grew enveloping the heart and lungs in thorns and petals that trapped the arteries and shortened lung capacity.

With the development of emotions and contact with said person the flowers evolved and changed. The thorns tightening and cutting deeper. It even affected the meridians and core at the later stages. Development of love made it worse.

Xichen although not around every day visits every couple of months when he can. They see each other more often than not at conferences sitting close to each other and conversing when things become boring. They spend birthdays together. Ironically all their birthdays are from September to January. Jiang Cheng makes lotus root pork rib soup for them everytime.

Then after sixteen years Jiang Cheng's brother returns to the land of the living and it's a wild goose chase to find the other. Whether to seek justice or see Wei Wuxian again Jiang Cheng doesnt know and his heart is weighted down with emotions he had thought long left him. And he realises he never grew up from that nineteen year old. The one who lost his parents. Who was whipped because he saved his brother. Who lost his core only for it to be repaired and then killed his brother and held his sister as she died in his arms.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng coughs up bloody flowers the first night after the temple incident and his eyes widen. He knew he was fucked now. There was only two more stages before the flowers killed him. He had officially fallen for Lan Xichen. This was a shock but also expected because who wouldnt fall in love with the Lan? He was...well not perfect but brave and strong and kind to everyone.

To save himself it would be best to let Lan Xichen leave his life. To hole up in Yunmeng for the rest of his life but he knows as soon as Lan Xichen declares seclusion for a year he cant do that to his friend.

Their long friendship that was accumulated from years of helping each other and Cheng knows Lan Xichen needs him now more than ever. So his own health, his own sanity, his own life be damned because Lan Xichen deserved to live and love and bring peace to everyone around him.

So Jiang Cheng travels to Gusu within the first month of Lan Xichen's seclusion knocks on the door and proceeds to sit on the deck not expecting the door to open.

"You know Wei Wuxian has already forgiven me. Sixteen years of loathing and then he is back." Cheng speaks up so Xichen can hear if he so wished to.

The silence is harsh for Jiang Cheng but he just sighs and let's himself collect his thoughts ignoring the tickle in his throat as he tries to stop the flowers surfacing just a little while longer. "I shouldn't have expected anything less. I know I shouldn't have doubted him but he left me. He broke our promise and that is worse than killing Jin Zixuan or saving the Wens."

"If I was kind like you then I wouldnt feel this way but I'm a petty and spiteful man. No one liked that about me." Cheng admits with a yawn as he stands from his sitting position by the door that remains tightly shut. "Goodbye Xichen I will come to visit soon."

The next month he visits with the same intent to sit outside and just talk. This time he talks of the clan. How rebuilding felt and seeing his sister be happy marrying Jin Zixuan. He finally tells Xichen his sisters tale of love and the hanahaki she had developed. Jiang Cheng's throat is parched by the time he bows to the doors and gives a goodbye to Xichen and heads to visit Jin Ling who had started training with the others. Lan Yuan and Jingyi join them on a walk.

That night he dreams of petals suffocating him and his loved ones because his emotions ran too deep and he ultimately hurt everyone around him if it didnt make them leave first.

Spring turns to summer and Jiang Cheng continues to visit every month or so.

For the next four months the door to the Hanshi had remained closed shut. Xichen quiet inside but Jiang Cheng knew he was there and if the elder chose to listen to him it was his decision.

Cheng continues to have nightmares worse than the ones the first two years Wuxian and Yanli had died. He wakes with a violent jolt only to cough up petals of deep crimson and pink because dreaming of Lan Xichen dying by his hand is too cruel of a dream.

Hallucinations and nightmares was the next stage of the development of hanahaki and though Jiang Cheng had endured worse this still broke him down to a crying mess, curled up in a ball, until the sun rises and he tries to be a functional person and await his next visit to the Hanshi.

On the sixth month, Jiang cheng sits on the deck leaning back leisurely as he soaks up the sun after greeting Xichen, when the door opens a crack and the familiar white of the Gusu robes are seen. Jiang Cheng doesnt take notice of this; allows Xichen to decide if he wanted to see the younger. Instead he sighs peacefully. "I've always loved the summer time. It is great to swim in the lakes. I remember when you brought Lan Yuan and Jingyi to swim with Jin Ling. If only they were still that small."

Jiang Cheng is quiet again for a little while soaking in more of the sun. It isnt as strong as in Yunmeng but it will do. He had tanned considerably this year and had to use his cream to stop his skin from peeling and looking horrible. The joys of being him.

Freckles also littered his face usually hidden but in the summer came back out. Wei Wuxian had cooed over them this morning much to his annoyance. He had managed not to tan so much to keep them hidden but this year he had been training, swimming with his nephews who had given a surprise visit last week and travelling in abundance to Lanling. So of course the sun got his face.

"They came to visit me last week. Wanted to swim in the lakes again. They forced me to join saying it wouldnt be right without me, the brats." Jiang Cheng coughs then and a flower falls from his lips tinted with deep crimson. "I'll visit next month, goodbye Xichen."

The next month he comes a few days later than he wanted to. This time he doesnt marvel the ending days of summer but wishes he could hide away. He knocks and immediately sits on the deck with a sigh the sun beginning to calm from its months long heat. Giving a rest. Groaning from a new headache that had begun to set in Jiang Cheng doesnt even try to act kinder for Xichen. "Xichen, do you think if I faked my death and became a rogue cultivator I would finally get a break? This is hypothetical, of course."

"Why would you want to?" Xichen's voice is ruff as the door opens slightly. He obviously hadnt talked to anyone in the eight months of seclusion. To hear the familiar timber sends tingles down Jiang Cheng's back and he smiles making sure Xichen couldnt see it.

"To escape. I'm already a disappointment to my father and mother. I don't seem to be able to follow my clans motto. Not like Wei Wuxian."

"That doesn't mean you arent a Jiang."

"I know but if Wei wuxian had been the one to live then-"

"Then I would have been devastated to loose my close friend so soon after a war." Xichen cuts in his voice stronger now but still broken slightly and Jiang Cheng sighs in defeat.

"I fear I've not been enough for Jin Ling, for the clan and for my parents. It haunts me every night." Jiang Cheng sighs tired and his chest aches from the petals and his feelings. Xichen stays quiet and Jiang Cheng let's the quiet envelop him again for a time.

"I should have died the day the Wen's caught me. I had planned for it so Wuxian could escape with A-Jie. They needed each other more. Wen Zhuliu destroyed my core and Wen Chao whipped me. Still Wuxian saved me..." Jiang Cheng pauses to laugh the sob catching in his throat making him cough up a few petals that he hides in his robe. "He gave me his core and then left me. I never asked for that and he planned to never tell me. I loathed him for sixteen years and I still loath the core inside me."

"Brotherly love has no end...it isnt logical and never will be. I would give Wangji my core in a heartbeat if it saved him." Xichen admits and cracks the door open more the soft steps of him walking from the table light yet still detectable by Jiang Cheng's ears.

"Me and Wuxian were both stupid to think we could save each other. We should have just protected each other together with Yanli."

"No you loved each other. He is your brother, blood or not. That doesnt change." Lan Xichen sits by the door not ready to come out but he hands tea to Jiang Cheng who takes it after turning round to be face to face with him. Xichen looks horrible with bags under his eyes, lips bitten, eyes puffy, skin dryer than it used to be. It physically hurts Jiang Cheng to see the male like this. He feels petals building up in his throat but swallows harshly to stop their ascent.

"No it doesnt. He thought himself a servant to me when I never said he was."

"People believe anything if they are told it enough." Xichen explains with a sad look in his eyes, the gold residing to a dark brown taking away the light.

"You look like shit, Xichen. You need to eat and the Lan garb isnt going to cut it." Jiang Cheng speaks up with a sneer that turns more into a frown as he takes out some lotus seeds from the pouch and hands them over. "The disciples miss you and wanted me to give these to you."

"That is very sweet of them. How is their training?"

"Well. They are all getting better at their sword technique and even Jin Ling came to teach a lesson with Yuan and Jingyi. Although I suspect it was to come mither me for some lotus seeds."

"Who wouldnt? The lotus seeds are great this time of year." Xichen smiles softly as he peels the first one and savours the taste.

"Yes well you were a prime example for the children growing up. Coming to Yunmeng just for lotus seeds and an escape from being sect leader."

"That is...the truth but still how rude of you to say aloud." Xichen jokes and Jiang Cheng lightly laughs.

Jiang Cheng is quiet as he sips his tea. Green tea with honey, his favourite, he muses to himself. When he finishes he stretches and stands. "I will visit next month. Try to eat and I will bring tea to help with sleep."

"Goodbye, Wanyin."

The next month he comes more wrapped up than the last times, the autumn wind starting to blow in at Gusu, since they were on a mountain. Yunmeng was still warm but Gusu was decidedly not. He knocks on the Hanshi doors and before he can sit down on the deck the door opens and Xichen is smiling at him. It's not his old smile, much weaker, but his eyes are alight more than last time. He looks less haggard but far from well.

The month after that is October and Jiang Cheng makes sure to come on the eighth. Lan Xichen's birthday. He knocks on the door and waits patiently for the door to open if Xichen wished it.

The door opens and Xichen is looking to the younger in shock as Jiang Cheng holds out lotus seeds, tea and mooncakes. It had been the mid autumn festival the other week and Jiang Cheng had been meaning to give some of the mooncakes to Xichen. He knew the elder would love them since Jiang Feilian was amazing at making them with lotus paste.

"Here, happy birthday." Jiang Cheng grumbles as he shifts the basket in his arm that was filled with soup and gifts from his brother and the Lans.

"Thank you, Wanyin." Xichen smiles then as he takes the handed gifts and ushers Jiang Cheng in.

Jiang Cheng hesitates for a few moments before stepping into the Hanshi. Xichen motions Jiang Cheng to sit by the table before going to make them some tea. The hanshi looks the same as always, neat and plain.

"I made you green tea. It is your favourite." Xichen smiles as he sets the cups down and sits as well. Xichen looked better once again but still haggard in a way; still too thin but he looked to be building muscle again.

"Thank you, Xichen. I made you some soup." Jiang Cheng states and opens the lid to the basket, the smell of lotus root and ginger filling the air.

"Is that...?"

"Yeah I decided to make some last night because I couldnt sleep. I also made it last month for Jingyi's birthday." Jiang Cheng hands over the now filled bowl of lotus root and pork rib soup with lotus seeds and peanuts.

"Thank you Jiang Cheng." Xichen smiles widely before grabbing the spoon and taking some of the lotus root with the soup. "It tastes just like your sisters."

"I'm not that good at making it but thank you."

Xichen finishes the bowl before asking for seconds. Jiang Cheng places his own bowl down to do just that and watches as Xichen eats seconds. At least his sisters soup could get the elder to eat more. A-Jie was the best at comforting others with food.

"Has Wuxian had some?" Xichen questions pausing from eating for a moment.

"Sadly yes. I thought I had done something wrong when he tried some and burst out crying. Wangji looked like he wanted to kill me. It turns out it was very similar to A-Jie's."

"Of course Wei Wuxian would be so dramatic."

"Wangji and Wuxian wanted me to give you this." Jiang Cheng hands the basket over after taking the pot of soup out. Inside was a new tea set for the elder who smiles at the greenish blue of the cups with orchids and blue bells designed on them. "Jingyi and Yuan made the bunny and butterflies from straw. They wanted to return the love of making gifts like you used to."

Xichen laughs then light and airy as he picks up the bunny and butterfly made of straw looking over the detail. They were well crafted. As to be expected of his nephews. "They are very beautiful they will have to go with the box of drawings they did for me."

"So sentimental." Jiang Cheng mutters but he is smiling as Xichen stands to place them in the designed box Jiang Cheng made for his birthday twelve years ago. The deep oak still well polished and the lotus flowers, orchids, butterflies and bunnies, all crafted by Jiang Cheng's hand, were still immaculate.

"Jin Ling got you some more tea and found an old addition of music scores you were wanting to find."

"A-Ling didnt need to do that. I will write to him and thank him."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng knows everything is a mess even after a year. Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji's confession. The betrayal. Finding Nie Mingjue's body. Lan Xichen killing Mengyao. The seclusion. It was still all too much.

Jin Guangyao's death although needed and warranted causes a headache the size of all of Yunmeng for the sect leader as he helps Jin Ling take over Lanling.

Jiang Cheng never wanted it to be this early that his nephew took over the Jin sect but he was sixteen and not stupid like others. He would make mistakes but he would learn from that. Much like Jiang cheng had in his early twenties. Not that he would ever tell Jin Ling but he was proud and knew the other could deal with anything. Jin Ling was a perfect mix of his mother, caring and compassionate, as well as like Jin Zixuan, stern and stubborn. Good job too because Jiang cheng doesnt know how long he has left.

The hanahaki had grown worse since the temple incident over a year ago. Seeing Lan Xichen in pain and killing his own sworn brother had tugged at his still raw wound he had with Wei Wuxian. He understands the anger, sadness, guilt and anguish at losing a loved one.

Jiang Cheng realises the end is nearer than he thought when he thinks of Lan Xichen in seclusion and only has just enough time to reach the basin before coughing full pink roses dripping in blood; his throat hurting from the thorn scratches up his throat. Jiang Cheng guesses he has a year if he keeps contact with Lan xichen to a minimum.

The next morning Jiang Cheng is heading to Gusu to talk some sense into Lan Xichen so the idiot would leave seclusion because Jiang Cheng would be damned if he died without leaving Lan Xichen on the way to recovery from the traumatic shit the Wens started and the Jins continued. He had coddled the elder enough with aimless visits to sooth the Lan. He didnt want Lan Xichen to end up in ruins because of something that wasnt his fault.

Jiang Cheng enters uninvited and heads to the Hanshi not caring for the shocked looks he gets from the disciples walking around. Cheng admits he hadnt been able to visit Xichen for two months now. It made him feel guilty but travelling was becoming hard with the hanahaki damaging his meridians and core. He had just stepped foot into the garden from the path up to the Hanshi when he sees Lan Sizhui.

"Uncle Wanyin. What are you doing here?" Yuan smiles to the elder who pauses to pat Yuan on the head like he did when the younger visited lotus pier. This may be one of the last times he gets to do that, Jiang Cheng muses to himself, but brushes away the thought.

"I came to visit Lan Xichen." Cheng begins and Yuan smiles brightly.

"Thats good. Hes only just permitting visitors other than you." Yuan bows slightly but Jiang Cheng stops him and heads to the Hanshi doors.

Jiang Cheng knocks twice before opening the door himself. Lan Xichen sits with a book in his hand, thinner than he had been a year ago and with bags under his eyes, not at all the put together Lan he should be. He looked worse again as if in the two months he hadnt been able to visit he had stopped looking after himself once again. That angered Jiang cheng who was already on a short thread of patience.

"You look like shit." Jiang Cheng finds himself blurting out as the Lan in question blinks to him in shock.

"Jiang Wanyin. What brings you here?" Lan Xichen coughs into his hand before standing to politely bow in greeting.

"To visit you of course. Why else? It's not like I enjoy Gusu all that much this time of year." Jiang Cheng scoffs trying to hold back a cough moments later. He forces himself to swallow the feeling of petals in his throat.

"You never liked the cold much when you visited." Xichen smiles and it's almost teasing. Cheng toes a seat cushion towards the table before plopping down, in a very undignified way, sitting in a lotus position and getting comfy.

"Im sorry I couldnt visit lately. How have you been holding up?"

"Alright..." Xichen replies and Jiang Cheng raises a eyebrow until the elder sighs and slumps slightly from his ridged position. "I have nightmares all the time, I can barely eat and I cant sleep. Happy now?"

"No I'm not happy, Lan Xichen." Jiang Cheng glares at the question and glances over the elder and how his clothes sit loosely on him in a way they shouldnt. Anger burns in his chest to see the elder like this. He look hopeless and on deaths door. "When are you going to stop moping and join the real world?"

Xichen looks to Jiang Cheng in shock opening and closing his mouth a few times before furrowing his brows in almost anger. "You know nothing of my grief or pain, Wanyin."

"I do though. I killed my own brother too and I have lived with the guilt but I didn't get to hide away for a year. I had a sect to run! People to help. I couldnt mope like a child who had everything taken away. I lost more than you i lost my sister too you still have Wangji be happy you got so lucky." Jiang Cheng's voice raises as he slams his hands on the table making Xichen jump his golden brown eyes widening. "You can sit and mope for the rest of your life or you can learn to live with it, Xichen. Just know this isnt seclusion. You are just hiding and that is worse than killing someone."

With that being said Jiang Cheng storms from the Hanshi leaving a shell shocked Xichen behind as he heads to the Jingshi to visit his idiotic brother before he went travelling with Wangji again.

Jiang Cheng had a reason for dying. It was to protect the elders feelings. To stop Xichen from forcing himself to accept Cheng's feelings because of guilt. Jiang Cheng knew the elder would accept no matter what if it saved the Jiang. He couldnt allow that though. Not so soon after a loved one passed. Cheng wasn't selfish like that.

Jiang Cheng had a reason for dying and yet there Lan Xichen was dying for no reason other than guilt at something not his fault. Why should he take the blame for the others caniving plans that ultimately he got roped into? If anyone should pay it was Nie Huaisang and Jin Guangyao themselves. The latter was dead though and that was a punishment he deserved for getting too greedy in life. Yet Nie Huaisang walked around happily and without guilt.

Cheng feels out of breath and even though he had grown used to the sudden breathlessness over the years he has to pause to let himself breathe. The flowers were a bitch on his lung capacity but he couldnt do anything for it.

"Jiang Cheng what are you doing here?" Wuxian's usual happy voice breaks the silence and the younger looks up in time to see Wuxian skipping over.

"Nothing much, I wanted to see if you wanted to go to Caiyi town to get some food?" Jiang Cheng evens his breath and stands properly as he massages his throat to stop the pain from the cuts.

"Are you sick, A-Cheng? You want to spend time with me?" Wuxian smiles though and he links their arms and drags Jiang cheng down the steps away from Gusu.

"Who are you calling, A-Cheng? I'll break your legs!" Jiang Cheng yells breaking their hold and stomping ahead. He regrets yelling as he feels the cuts in his throat open and a drizzle of blood falls from his lips as his tongue coats in the iron taste blood has. Wiping the blood away subtly with a handkerchief just before Wuxian skips ahead with a laugh.

"That's my A-Cheng!" Wei Wuxian laughs happily as they finally reach the bustling town full of people on the docks and on the stall filled streets.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It's another three weeks before he gets a letter from Gusu and is immediately suspicious as he pauses from the letter for a night hunt at the border of Yunmeng with sect leader Yao. No thank you.

Jiang Wanyin,

I'm sorry for my behaviour when you came to visit the other week. I have taken a while to reply and I'm sorry for that as well but I know your words to be right. I wanted you to be one of the first to know I am going to be leaving seclusion and partially taking over my role as sect leader once again. Thank you for the advice it was well needed.

Lan Xichen.

Relief floods Jiang Cheng who sighs as he places the piece of paper on the table taking in the moment. Knowing it was a step towards Lan Xichen recovering. This was good.

The coughing that takes over him proves his thoughts to be ironically wrong because even if Lan Xichen was recovering Cheng was to get worse. The flower that is cupped in his thin hands is perfect, disgustingly so with its layered petals of dusty pink tinged with crimson blood.

The blood smears on the letter over Lan Xichen's writing and Cheng wants to laugh.

"Sect leader Jiang, there is another letter from master Jin." A disciple, Jiang Leiwen, walks in with a small knock to the door only just giving Jiang Cheng time to hide the flower and wipe his lips.

"Thank you." Jiang Cheng mumbles as he opens it and reads it over sighing in annoyance and tiredness that he had grown used to over the years.

"What is the matter sect leader?"

"Get some of the disciples ready we are going on a night hunt in Lanling."

Travelling to Lanling had always been a hassle for Cheng since he hated the change in climate once again and the ridiculous steps to the main pavillion. With his condition deteriorating he has to hide his short breath and low qi from the flying.

Stupid lungs and their inability to breathe properly. Jiang Cheng curses as he tries to fight needing to pause as he finishes walking up the steps to meet his nephew who stood with Lan Jingyi, Lan Sizhui and the Ouyang boy, Zizhen, if Cheng remembered properly.

"Jiujiu!" Jin Ling calls rushing over with the other disciples all happy smiles for the elder.

"Dont be so informal, A-Ling. You are a sect leader now." Jiang Cheng barks but still sorts out a loose gold clip in his nephews hair proving he didnt actually mean what he said.

"Madam Jin needs his uncle to fix his hair. How cute." Lan Jingyi teases as Jin Ling glares and Lan Yuan tries to stop them fighting.

"Lan Jingyi it's such a shame you dont uphold the Lan disciplines since your forehead ribbon is crooked." Jiang cheng points out leaving the three to laugh at Jingyi who brings a hand to his forehead in a panic.

"Uncle!" Jingyi whines in anguish when he realises Jiang Cheng had been joking about the forehead ribbon and angles a glare to the elder who smirks.

"A-Yuan your ponytail is a mess." Cheng states then proceeds to sort the ponytail out before turning away and heading back down the steps now that he knows the others are ready to leave.

"Jiujiu we are heading to the west since there has been talk of feral zombies. We will meet Dajiu and Hanguang jun there." Jin Ling informs his uncle who scoffs and pauses on the steps.

"So you're telling me you made the sect leader of Yunmeng travel all the way to Lanling and let Wei wuxian meet us there? How rude!"

"Jiujiu! Dajiu is travelling and it may have taken him longer to get to Lanling." Jin Ling whines as Fairy walks ahead of them happy to be moving even as she stops to rub against all of them wanting attention.

"Brat!" Jiang Cheng yells and stomps forward leaving his disciples, the Jin disciples, his nephews and their friends behind. Jiang Cheng realises he really is just a glorified babysitter and only just stops himself from groaning at the realization.

They fly for about ten minutes and land in the terrain of trees high in the sky. Wei Wuxian is already stood waiting for them with his usual happy smile and Lan Wangji is as stoic as always in the way he stood.

The night hunt ends in chaos but that is expected. The disciples dance around the feral zombies dodging and everything goes to plan. Lan yuan has just baited the zombies with the help of Wei wuxian's flute and Jin Ling gets ready to attack from behind. Jiang Cheng tries to catch his breath pacing the area in case of the zombies attacked unsuspectingly that is until surprisingly a swords handle is thrust into his ribs and Jiang cheng only just stumbles to a bush to throw up the petals that had been dislodged from his throat.

It feels like a small eternity until he finishes coughing the petals and flowers up as they tinge redder than usual as he also spits up blood. More blood than usual. His mouth full of iron and he tries not to gag as it brings back memories from when he was whipped over eighteen years ago. He could do without the memory as he wipes his lips and chin clean off the blood as a figure ascends to his side.

"Jiang Wanyin?" The deep baritone of Lan Wangji's voice is shocking and Jiang cheng freezes from where he was kneeled; handkerchief to his lips.

"What do you want?" Jiang cheng snaps harshly trying to distract the Lan into anger so he can shift to hide the petals and flowers but it's too late as the Lan's eyes land on the flowers.

Looking back to Jiang Cheng the golden eyes usually sharp and full of dislike for the younger soften to understanding and sadness. Cheng wants to rip the Lan's eyes out then and there but only just holds back as Lan Wangji's hand comes down onto his shoulder, harshly, causing him to cough up the dry blood left in his lungs. The blood drops down his lips and off his chin one by one and Cheng is too shocked to move his handkerchief back to his lips.

Lan Wangji grabs the handkerchief and wipes his face gently to get rid of the blood before placing it in his lap. Jiang cheng blinks and tries to swallow but that hurts.

"I don't need your help." Jiang Cheng means for it to come out as a growl but his throat is too sore and it sounds more like a whine.

"Mn. I know." Lan Wangji nods once before holding a hand out to help Jiang Cheng up. Reluctantly he takes the offered hand and stands on wobbly feet.

"You will tell no one of this." Jiang Cheng glares to the Lan who stares at him for a good minute before sighing and nodding. "Wei wuxian included."

"Mn." Lan Wangji nods and let's go of Jiang Cheng's hand when the other steadies himself and is confident his legs arent about to give out.

The two head to where the disciples had just disposed of the last zombie all of them congratulating each other and Wuxian is laughing happily as he pokes Jin Ling's cheek along with Lan Yuan's.

"Jiang Cheng have you heard the news about Xichen-ge?" Wuxian questions happily as they walk behind the juniors a little later on after everyone had calmed down.

"Yes I have." Jiang Cheng glares but its softer than usual because he knows why Wei Wuxian is so happy.

"So what do you say about helping your dear brother plan his wedding?"

"I thought you were eloping?"

"We still are...kind of..." Wei Wuxian chuckles and Jiang Cheng bites back a snarky retort as he turns to look at his brother questioningly. "We want a small wedding much like eloping but with you, A-Yuan, Jin Ling, the other juniors and Lan Xichen there."

"I guess...I could offer some of my time." Jiang Cheng nods and watches as Wei Wuxian grins and if this can help their relationship mend before...before Jiang Cheng inevitably dies then he is glad to be put through the torture of helping arrange a wedding.

"Thank you, A-Cheng!"

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng takes back his words. He would rather die from the disease right now than stand another minute of listening to Wei Wuxian complain over the fabric of clothing they were to wear for the wedding.

"Xichen-ge help me which is better?" Wuxian holds up two different types of clothing. One is silk and the other velvet. Both deep red and fitting to the traditional colours for weddings.

"I like the silk over the velvet." Xichen smiles from behind his cup of tea sitting at the table across from Jiang Cheng. The two had been enjoying a cup of tea at the Hanshi when Wuxian had burst in with fabrics for his wedding clothing.

That was another thing Jiang Cheng had to endure. Being around Lan Xichen for at least five to seven hours a day every couple of days a week. This had been going on for three months and Jiang Cheng is getting progressively worse. The flowers deep red from the blood and the thorns cutting deep into his throat every time he coughs. Spending time and laughing with Xichen reinforced why he was dying when he returned to Yunmeng and threw up the petals once more.

Speaking of, Jiang Cheng leans back to cough into his hand praying it wont turn into a coughing fit or that any of the flowers would fall from his lips. Surprisingly he had kept the disease a secret even in its worsening case.

"Wanyin are you alright? You dont have a cold do you?" Lan Xichen frowns and leans slightly closer placing his hand on the youngers forehead to check the temperature.

"I am completely fine, Xichen." Cheng scowls slightly and turns back to Wuxian. "Get the silk ones they are better. I am going to find Lan Wangji before he has another break down about flower arrangements."

"Wanyin wouldn't it be better if I go?"

"No the last time you tried talking to your brother he threw a tea cup at your head. Wangji was right though red roses and blue hyacinths werent a good match."

"It was suggested to me by the florist. I was just relying the words. Not my opinion." Xichen almost whines with a pout that really shouldnt be adorable but it is.

"Sure, sure." Jiang Cheng waves the elders comment away as Wuxian cackles at the reminder of last week.

Jiang Cheng walks from the Hanshi with the intent to reach the Jingshi before Wangji can do something stupid like order a thousand orchids. He had heard the male mumbling about them two days before and it wasnt a good sign. Who knew the famous Hanguang jun would break under wedding plans? Jiang Cheng had a bet with Huaisang that it would be Wuxian. Damn. He now owes the famous headshaker money.

Pausing to catch his breath Cheng only has time to reach the Jingshi doors before he begins to cough once again. The doors open and there is Wangji, looking close to tearing his hair out, but his eyes are focused on Jiang Cheng who glares at him before coughing up the first petal.

Cheng allows the Lan to lead him into the Jingshi and to the basin where the younger wretches over for the next ten minutes. Gasping for breath and hating the acidic taste mixed with iron as the flowers fall into the basin.

"Drink." Wangji holds the bottle out to Cheng who takes it and takes a sip only to spit the water into the basin. The water was mixed with blood and it stung going down. His throat obviously scratched up. "Jiang Wanyin, drink."

"Alright..." Cheng croaks before taking another small sip and glances to Wangji who nods in approval.

"It has gotten worse." Lan Wangji states as he walks to sit at the table to look over wedding preparations.

"Its at the last stage I have less than a year so you better hurry up with the marriage." Jiang Cheng snaps with no fire in his hoarse voice.

"Cant you tell the person you...love them?"

"No I can not, Wangji."

"It hurts you though." Lan Wangji observes and pauses from his writing to glance up at Cheng who rolls his eyes.

"I've dealt with it for seventeen years I'm sure the last stage isnt going to be much different."

"Are you alright with dying like this?"

"I have already lived past when I should have. It doesnt matter even if I wanted to live." Jiang Cheng admits and it's funny because now that he wanted to live he cant do that for much longer. Jiang Cheng had spent sixteen years wanting to die and he didnt for his clan and nephew.

"Of course it does!" Lan Wangji slams the paintbrush on the table glaring his golden eyes to Cheng who scoffs at the unyielding anger there.

"And you know the feeling? The pain I'm going through?" Cheng quirks an eyebrow and Lan Wangji frowns with a sharp nod.

"When Wei ying died my flowers almost killed me. I lived long enough to confess to Wei Ying why cant you confess?"

Jiang Cheng's eyes widen as he takes in the words; Lan Wangji had the disease too and had survived? No wonder the Lan had been so reckless for sixteen years always where the chaos was.

"I cant confess because they wouldnt love me back. At least not in the way I need them to."

"But they are your soulmate."

"That is what makes it all the more ironic. Not everyone is going to have a perfect ending like you. Soulmates don't always end up together."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji's wedding commences happily with little fault as Lan Qiren joins them surprisingly as the two kowtow three times in the ancestral hall. They look ethereal draped in red their faces painted beautifully and both with veils that each remove with the customary red stick, Wuxian going first because he was impatient to see his husbands 'gorgeous face'.

The tea ceremony is next after their names are signed into the Lan and Jiang genealogy book and Jiang Cheng pretends he doesnt see tears in Wuxian's eyes that he was allowed the privilege and he hadnt been struck from the records eighteen years ago.

Cheng sits at the table, after Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen had finished with their own words of wisdom for the two, as his tea is served by Lan Wangji who reluctantly hands over the tea with a lotus seed in to add more flavour. Jiang cheng takes a sip contemplatively before placing it on the table. "I'm glad you two sorted yourselves out and came to realise that the best marriage is friendship foremost. I wish you best in the future and cherish each other always."

Wuxian blubbers as he ignores Lan Qiren's presence in order to fling himself at his younger brother; tears silently falling from his cheeks as Cheng catches him. "Thank you."

"A-Jie would be so happy for you. I know A-Ling is even if he refuses to admit it." Jiang Cheng whispers as Wei Wuxian digs his chin in the youngers shoulder with a sob.

"I'm so thankful for you A-Cheng. For you forgiving me and accepting me."

"You're my brother, of course I will. No matter how mad I was A-Jie would kill me for not witnessing your happiness."

"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji's voice is soft as Cheng detaches himself from Wuxian and places his brothers hand in Wangji's so the younger jade can steer him away off for their honeymoon and further travelling of the world. Jiang Cheng feels ready for this to be his final goodbye to his brother.

"Jiang Cheng we will have to come visit you in Yunmeng some time if you'll have us." Wuxian smiles as he leans into his husbands side.

"Your room is still the same." Jiang Cheng admits with a scoff before looking to Lan Wangji who was studying him knowingly. "Look after my brother and if you hurt him i will kill you myself."

"Mn of course." Wangji bows respectfully but when the elders golden eyes meet stormy blue ones they silently communicate that it would be from the grave. Lan Wangji becomes almost sad and Jiang Cheng blinks as he turns his head away from the two as Jin Ling and Lan Yuan move forward.

"Look after lil apple, Xian-ge and write often." Yuan hands the donkeys rains over to Wuxian who grins and pulls the younger in for a hug making a reluctant Jin Ling join too then Jingyi.

"Of course, I hope to see you two in a year. Jin Ling you have to study hard and be the best sect leader of Lanling."

"Of course I know that, Dajiu!" Jin Ling scoffs condensendingly but the younger is soon softening into the hug if only for a moment.

"Jingyi remember our promise." Wuxian winks to a smirking Jingyi who nods his head with a mocking salute. Jiang Cheng doesnt even want to know. Glad he wasnt the head of Gusu.

"Wangji, look after yourself and come back home soon." Xichen steps forward with his usual happy smile that seems more genuine now than it had been a while since he got out of seclusion. "Wei Wuxian I believe this belongs to you now."

"A jade amulet but..." Wei Wuxian takes the jade amulet cautiously as he looks to the green and white jade in a perfect sphere with a blue tassel.

"It is rightfully yours now." Xichen smiles and turns to his brother who nods gratefully as Wangji wraps his arms around his brother.

"When you come to Yunmeng your bell will be repaired and Wangji will have a matching one." Jiang Cheng speaks up smirking to the two who look equally shocked. "Now go before it's too late to travel."

"Bye you guys." Wuxian smiles to them before Wangji is helping him onto Lil apple and they are off out of Gusu and on their honeymoon. Leaving their family behind but knowing they would be back sooner rather than later.

Jiang Cheng turns immediately when the two have disappeared, a sigh on his lips as he begins to walk the steps down too, when Xichen's hand is reaching for his shoulder, stopping him.

"Wanyin why dont you stay the night? It is late and you can ask Jin Ling about his studies?" Xichen smiles softly and after a moments pondering Jiang Cheng nods in agreement. He was really tired and would probably have stayed at an inn near the Yunmeng border.

Jiang Cheng makes it one step before coughing a few times in quick succession as his throat wounds open up once again and blood falls down his chin. His hand immediately goes to cover it but everyone has seen it.

"Jiujiu!"

"Wanyin, are you alright? We should go to the medic." Xichen worries his hand still on the youngers shoulders but it squeezes tighter.

"I'm fine it is a small wound from a night hunt. No fussing." Jiang Cheng glares as Jin Ling and Lan Yuan continue to fuss over him with worried eyes. Lan Yuan even hands over his handkerchief and places it to the elders chin with the intent to wipe the blood away. Cheng takes it from the youngers fingers and dabs the blood away himself.

"Uncle are you sure?" Lan Yuan questions his purple eyes wide with worry for the elder who rolls his eyes.

"Stop looking at me like that, brat. I'll break your legs." Jiang cheng growls as he looks to the crimson on the white handkerchief with a resided sigh.

"Jiujiu you should go lie down." Jin Ling states with his own glare to his uncle who tries not to scoff. That look was his fathers but his eyes are as worried as Yanli's could be.

"Fine, brat." Jiang Cheng sneers but it's only to hide the sudden tightness in his chest thinking about his elder sister. He missed her dearly and felt like he needed her now more than ever.

"I can take you to the Yunmeng guest quarters." Lan Yuan states authoritatively his eyes determined and stubborn.

"Alright, alright. It's not like I'm going to die walking up there."

"Jiujiu dont joke about that!" Jin Ling raises his voice slightly but simmers down at the glare Lan Qiren gives him.

"Goodnight Lan Qiren, Sect leader Lan. Thank you for letting me stay." Jiang Cheng bows slightly but Xichen stops him with his usual smile and shake of his head.

"Its alright." Xichen smiles then and Cheng turns to walk up the path to the Yunmeng disciple quarters that had been changed since the last time he had studied in Gusu. "You should come have some tea with me before you leave."

Cheng nods because he doesnt want to speak and risk the petals in his throat to be coughed up in Lan Xichen's presence.

"A-Yuan, Jingyi I hope your studies are coming along well. When do you and Jingyi start training to become heads of the family?" Jiang cheng questions the younger male who smiles to him kindly.

"When we turn twenty. Uncle Xichen said there is no need since he intends to stay head for as long as possible."

"Well we never had the chance to be children you deserve to. So does A-Ling but I am not head of Lanling unfortunately."

"You've prepared him well." Yuan smiles even as Jin Ling elbows him in the side with a grumble and a glare.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Another month passes with nothing much happening but his condition getting worse. He wakes to cough up blood, he trains but has to take breaks every twenty minutes when he becomes out of breath and every letter from Xichen has him coughing up petals until his vision is black.

"Sect leader Jiang, the disease has got worse. It might be time to search for a doctor who can treat this." Jiang Xinyi pulls her hand away from his wrist.

"No there isn't many and if I reveal this the sect leaders will use it against me."

"Alright but I'm still sorry i cant do the surgery." Jiang Xinyi looks down then sad as Jiang cheng rolls his eyes.

"Its not your fault. Thank you for the herbal tea it works wonders on the cuts in my throat."

"No worries I can make more if you need it."

"How much longer do you suspect until it kills me?"

"Another three months."

"Alright."

Jiang Cheng hates that his throat is tight and his breathing laboured after walking for twenty minutes. The night has fallen and Cheng sits on the dock much like he used to when Jin Ling would cry at night. His feet dipped into the water as he leans back. The smell of the lotus blossoms so familiar and he hopes he can live past the rain season in two months. The mineral smell, lotus flowers and lake all together was his favourite. It calmed him. He would like to die in the comfort of the rain at Yunmeng. Morbid but Cheng couldnt deny he was dying any longer.

"Jiujiu?" A voice speaks up shocking the elder who turns to see his nephew.

"Jin Ling what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Lanling."

"I couldn't sleep. It doesnt feel right not being near water." Jin Ling admits as he takes his shoes off and sits next to Jiang Cheng. His feet submerged now too as he leans his head on his uncles shoulder.

"I know the feeling. Your room was cleaned the other day so you can stay if you wish."

"Thank you, Jiujiu." Jin Ling whispers then and Cheng closes his eyes to stop the tears in his eyes.

"A-Ling I know I dont say it often- but I am proud of you. So proud and I wish you could have more time to be a child....hell I wish you could take over Yunmeng Jiang instead of Lanling Jin." Jiang Cheng admits with a laugh that is sad as he wraps the younger in his arms.

"Jiujiu..."

"I know I've not been the best for you. I've made so many mistakes with you and I fear you will hate me for it. Your mother would have done all this so much better...."

"Jiujiu, you are my parent. My mother and father, I've never known different. You haven't been perfect but no one is...I loved our time together when I was growing up." Jin Ling grabs onto the fabric of Cheng's loose robes and cries into the elders shoulder.

"Thank you for being my reason to live Jin Ling without you...well I would have given up." Jiang Cheng kisses Jin ling on the head; a single tear falling down his cheek.

"Jiujiu you sound as if you are going to die soon. Why are you being so morbid?" Jin Ling hiccups as he draws away slightly.

"I just want to tell you how proud I am. Dont i get to brag brat?"

"Yes, of course."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng never intends for anyone to find out about how ill he is but the third night Jin Ling stays
Cheng wakes from a nightmare about Lan Xichen, Jin Ling and Wuxian leaving him and only just reaches the basin as he throws up the petals and flowers lodged in his throat.

"Jiujiu?" Jin Ling walks into Jiang Cheng's room from the attached door to Jin Ling's which he hadn't got rid of after his nephew grew up. He didnt see the point with Jin Ling mostly in Lanling. That was his downfall as well as not silencing his room just incase he had a coughing fit.

"Jin Ling...get out." Jiang Cheng snaps but blood drips from his lips onto the bed as he opens his cuts once again.

"Jiujiu, I should go get Jiang Xinyi! Wait here!" Jin Ling wakes up properly at seeing his uncle spit up blood and begins to rush out.

"Do not wake her she already knows." Cheng yells as he catches his breath and wipes his lips.

"Jiujiu what do you mean?"

"What I mean is it cant be treated and there is no need to wake Jiang Xinyi because I'm bleeding."

"But Jiujiu-"

"No buts A-Ling. Go back to bed and sleep I'll be fine." Jiang Cheng holds a hand up and feels a tickle to his throat as he throws up more of the pink blooms into the basin as Jin Ling's eyes widen.

"Hanahaki..." Jiang Cheng hears Jin Ling exclaim as his nephew walks closer then sitting on the edge of the bed and procuring a handkerchief. "Who is it? Jiujiu who would do this to you?!"

"You dont need to know Jin Ling and you will tell no one." Jiang Cheng snaps harshly as more blood drips down his chin his throat hurting intensely.

"But-"

"Not a single soul, Jin Rulan. I mean it."

"Alright, jiujiu. How much time do you have left?" Jin Ling knows not to mess with his uncle when he uses the youngers courtesy name.

"Three months."

"That's too soon, Jiujiu how could it develop that fast?" Jin Ling gasps his brow furrowing wrinkling the vermilion mark.

"This has been developing for seventeen years, A-Ling. I've lived longer than some get." Cheng admits as Jin ling collapses in his arms crying suddenly. Not caring for the blood on his robes as he clutches the elder close. Almost to the point of hurting.

"No it's too soon. I cant loose you too!" Jin Ling sobs harshly his tears falling quickly as his breath hitches. He had always been an ugly crier, Cheng muses, much like himself in that aspect.

"A-Ling you arent losing me...I've been here all along looking after you more than I should have been given. I should have died long ago and I'm so happy at the second chance because I got to raise you."

"Its not enough! I need you Jiujiu, I will always need you!" Jin Ling sobs more and Jiang Cheng's heart aches harshly as a tear slips down his cheek. He strokes Jin Ling's hair soothingly as his mind screams that he wasnt good enough for Jin Ling or Wei Wuxian or Lan Xichen.

"A-Ling you have so many people to support you. Wei Wuxian, Lan Yuan, Lan Jingyi, Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen. Even Lan Wangji no matter how much I hate that thought."

"They're not you! Who will yell at me? Threaten to break my legs? Hug me close and sing to me?"

"I'm sorry, A-Ling. There is nothing I can do." Cheng's voice breaks then as Jin Ling begins to calm slightly from his harsh crying.

"Who is it? Can't they say they love you and you can live?"

"No I can't."

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The next Sect conference is held at Yunmeng and even though its easier than travelling to some other sect; Jiang Cheng isnt looking forward to catering to the sect leaders for a day. As always the conference is boring as hell. Sect leaders Yao and Shang are in an arguement about something to do with the land. Sect leader Nie is trying to egg them on behind his fan. Sect leader Lan is trying to mediate and sect leader Jin has his eyes on Sect leader Jiang. It is all too much to take in. Especially for the disciples.

"Jiujiu, are you alright?" Jin Ling questions quietly as he leans over so his uncle can hear from his lotus seat.

"Quite alright." Jiang Cheng pinches the bridge of his nose before sipping more of his tea to sooth his throat that was beginning to itch.

More hours of arguing and coming to an agreement pass and Cheng barely speaks because he had nothing to say and he doesnt want to end up opening his cuts. They were all too sensitive and if he yelled, no matter how much he wanted to right now, they would open once again.

"Sect leader Jiang, you rebuilt Yunmeng Jiang but how come you cant help other clans?" Sect leader Yao exclaims making everyone pause.

"I seem to forgot, just who saved your life from the Wen's? My father, isnt that enough for you our are you so greedy and selfish to think you deserve the world?" Jiang Cheng snaps making some jaws drop.

"You-you..."

"What? I have rebuilt yunmeng Jiang by myself. No one helped me. Not the Jin's, not the Nie's or Lan's. Why should I offer any of you anything when you didnt for me after the war?"

"That's not-that- but-" Leader Yao stutters as Jiang Cheng raises a brow in silent questioning.

"If you have nothing better to say then this conference is finished. Leader Shang I will allow you to use the west lakes to train the disciples and sect leader Lan I will give the list of disciples this year that will train in Gusu, thank you." Jiang cheng stands and strides out the room leaving everyone speechless.

"Yu yingyan..." Jiang Cheng calls and tries not to jump when she appears from seemingly thin air.

"Sect leader." Yu yingyan bows then and straightens moments later looking to Jiang cheng who looks tired and thin.

"Make sure all the sect leaders leave as I wont talk to any of them. Tell them to write if they have a problem and make sure Yu Lanyan has everything I asked for in order."

"Yes sect leader."

"I will head to the private docks should you need me." Jiang Cheng explains to the female who nods with a sad look in her eyes as he walks past her.

The docks are quiet because there is no need for fishers or any boats to go past his quarters. It was peaceful and Jiang Cheng strips to his first robes and climbs into the lake to calm himself and hide from the heat of the day.

"Jiujiu." Jin Ling's voice is loud in the private docks and Jiang Cheng sighs submerging himself in the water and swimming deeper.

Jiang cheng has to surface faster than he wanted to since his lungs arent like they once were and comes face to face with Jin Ling glaring at him from the docks with Lan Lan Xichen beside him. "What is it brat?"

"Jiujiu you shouldnt be swimming."

"I can swim all I want."

"But what about-" Jin Ling begins to complain but Jiang Cheng cuts him off with a glare.

"I'm perfectly fine, A-Ling. You should get back home to Lanling." Jiang Cheng sighs lifting himself back onto the dock and ringing his now loose hair.

"This is my home too." Jin Ling snaps as Xichen tries to mediate the beggining of an arguement.

"I'm sorry, Wanyin. I just thought I could come spend some time with you before I head back. I brought you some more green tea you like."

"Its alright. Jin Ling go train the disciples."

"But Jiujiu-" Jin Ling begins again but is cut off by yet again a glare. Jiang Cheng was at his wits end with how clingy Jin Ling had become since finding out about the disease. Worrying for nothing. Jiang cheng watches his nephew sulk as he walks away.

"Wanyin, you look ill. Jin Ling was right." Xichen frowns his eyes looking over the younger who glares at the insinuation.

"What? I'm not- I'm going to kill Jin Ling." Jiang Cheng stutters before becoming murderous as Xichen sits next to him.

"Wanyin, you look thin and you have bags under your eyes. Have you been sleeping alright?"

"Sleep is the same as always, Xichen." Jiang cheng waves his hand and Xichen frowns knowing what that mean. He knew of the youngers nightmares and had tried to quell them when he stayed at yunmeng or Jiang Cheng at the cloud recesses.

"What about eating?"

"I eat three meals. Healthy meals." Jiang cheng partially lies, up until last week he had been eating three meals, with the hanahaki in its last stage he couldn't eat. Not eating mixed with the thorns affecting his meridians meant he was losing weight faster than he would normally.

"Have you had a cold recently you have been coughing more leading up to the wedding last month." Xichen places his hand on the youngers forehead but instead of moving it away when Jiang Cheng's temperature is normal he let's it move to rest on Jiang Cheng's cheek; rubbing under the dark purple circles.

"No, I'm fine." Jiang Cheng states but then again he's the universe's bitch and he brings a hand to his mouth as he feels the familiar tingle of a cough. He coughs harshly until the flower is out and he hides it in his fist as blood dribbles down his chin.

"Wanyin!" Xichen gasp in shock as Jiang Cheng pushes on the elders shoulder to move him back so he wouldnt get blood on blue and white robes. "Do you need a medic?"

"No...its fine." Jiang Cheng gasps out just as Xichen stands sweeping the younger into his hold before heading to the door to Jiang Cheng's room.

"You need to lie down. What did you do? Are your meridians damaged?" Xichen places a shocked Jiang cheng on the bed then begins to reach for a thin wrist. Cheng jolts back because if Xichen tried to find his core he would also find about the hanahaki.

"No, no it's not my meridians."

"Jiang Cheng why dont you want me to help you? Are you badly ill?"

"Xichen..." Jiang Cheng doesnt want to lie to the elder but he also doesnt want to tell Xichen he was dying.

"Wanyin if you keep being stubborn how can I help? It's like you're dying." Xichen jokes but when Cheng doesnt laugh his eyes widen. "Wanyin tell me you arent."

"The illness can be fatal."

"What is the illness? What is the cure?" Xichen places his callused hands on Cheng's shoulder his eyes filling with determination and grief at losing the younger. Golden eyes spark to life more and Jiang Cheng sighs.

"There is no set cure. The medic said to try salves, soups and music." Cheng lies because he knows that Xichen will try to find a way one way or another. If he can distract Xichen for a time he will be able to hide it until the hanahaki kills him.

"I can play liebing if you think that will work."

"Alright." Cheng nods and watches as liebing materialises from thin air as Xichen brings the Xiao to his lips and plays a few soft notes enfused with qi. Cheng sighs then.

It felt relaxing to listen to the elder play for the first time in over a year. Jiang Cheng admits he misses listening to the soft music Xichen can create. Closing his eyes Cheng yawns and lies down on the pillows letting sleep invade him after a few minutes of listening to the lilting music.

That is the first night Cheng doesnt have any nightmares. He is relieved as he opens his eyes the next morning to the light beaming down on him; he feels more refreshed as he looks around.

Xichen isnt anywhere in sight and Cheng hopes he's gone back to Gusu. He didnt want to hurt the Lan anymore than he had seemed to.

Just then the door is opening on a tired Xichen who holds a bowl of something in hands.

"This cognee should help. The rice is from the west and the spices are to help with qi problems." Xichen states handing the dish over with a spoon.

Cheng brings the first spoonful to his lips and knows Xichen had personally made it. Even though Xichen wasnt an amazing cook doing anything similar to the Lan garb he was alright. So adding spices makes his cooking better. Still Cheng is worried the elder had burnt himself by the stove and around a mouthful of cognee pulls the Lan close to inspect his hands. They dont seem burnt and he sighs as he takes another spoonful almost liking the cognees bland taste. This was the first thing he had been able to eat in the week.

Jin Ling comes to visit too but after a few hours Cheng makes sure the younger has to go back to Lanling. He was a sect leader and not doing his duty was bad. Jiang cheng refused to allow Jin Ling to slack off.

"Jin Ling..." Jiang Cheng begins his voice softer than usual as he holds his nephews dainty hand that is skilled with a bow. "Take Zidian. It needs to be passed down to family. For now it is only to borrow. To hone the skill. I expect it back in a few weeks."

"Jiujiu, I cant." Jin Ling shakes his head but Cheng makes the bracelet spark and come to life. It moves from his hand to Jin Ling's accepting the new owner.

"You can because this is your family heirloom too."

"Jiujiu, you cant die. Promise me."

Jiang Cheng doesnt reply instead pulls the younger male close and kisses his forehead softly just like he used to do when Jin Ling had nightmares. He lingers for a moment closing his eyes to fight the tears before letting Jin ling go from the hug.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The next day Jiang Cheng expects Xichen to give up on helping him especially after a night of coughing up flowers until Xichen had entered and he slammed the lid over the basin as a trickle of blood dripped down his chin. Xichen panicked more at the resurface of the coughing.

The morning comes and Xichen enters Jiang Cheng's room with a salve that smells oddly like Rose's. Cheng only just holds back a gag as he allows Xichen apply it to his neck his fingers light on massaging the cream in. He tries not to shiver at how soft Xichen was being.

"You have to get better, Wanyin. Everyone needs you." Xichen states with a small frown as he looks intensely into Jiang Cheng's eyes, golden eyes looking him over.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When the soup and the salves dont seem to work Xichen branches out into finding new medicines and so on over the next week Cheng endures the bitter tasting medicines. From lavender to lemon, from lotus to tree bark. Nothing works though and Xichen becomes more frustrated as he collects the medicines from different regions of the land.

"Xichen, stop. There is no need to do this." Jiang Cheng pauses from taking the medicine that smelled horribly of fish and ginger.

"Of course I do. You have to get better." Xichen forces the spoon back against Cheng's lips and what can the younger do other than accept the horrible medicine even if he knows it will do nothing in the long run. Even if some of the medicines do elevate the chest pain, the aches and the coughing. It will never truly get rid of the disease. Only Cheng could do that.

Cheng can only watch in sadness for the elder who was fighting for the both of them. Jiang Cheng knew now more than ever he couldn't tell Xichen he was the reason Cheng was dying. It would kill him and make him feel guilty and obligated to reciprocate Cheng's feelings.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng becomes thinner and fragile with the hanahaki digging it's way to his core. Coughing blood and flowers. The feeling of petals smooth and sickly to the Jiang who understands now how his sister felt more than ever. Jiang Cheng finds himself admiring Yanli more for choosing to die rather than get the surgery.

"Wanyin..." Xichen speaks up and he looks to the left where the elder had stopped playing liebing. His eyes look sad as he places his hand over Jiang Cheng's shocking the younger male. "Where is Zidian?"

"I gave it to A-Ling. He should learn how to wield Zidian." Jiang cheng sighs his hand feels weird without Zidian after so many years wielding it.

"You really are giving up..."

"Its not giving up if there isnt a cure I can obtain."

"Wanyin..."

"What?" Jiang Cheng questions lightly as he coughs once, then twice before sighing.

"I thought you were the fearsome Sandu shengshou? Why do you give up so easily? There has to be a cure." Xichen looks almost desperate as if he is trying to fight to find Cheng's anger.

"The cure is complicated to come by. I've accepted my fate you should too." Cheng tries for a smile but Xichen is squeezing his hand so tight he winces from the pain.

"No, no. I will find the cure. Even if I have to go to the ends of the earth. We've only just achieved peace dont you deserve to live?"

"Xichen....thank you for caring about wanting me to live peacefully."

"You have to live, Wanyin. I will kill you if you die." Xichen almost growls out as he turns to the tea pot by the bed and pours the tea into a cup before handing it to Cheng.

Jiang Cheng knows all of yesterday, Lan xichen traveled to find this tea. The blend of rich green tea leaves with chai and ginger are rare to find this time of year. Xichen even put the best honey in it too. Jiang Cheng immeditely loves it and smiles as it sooths his chest and throat.

"Killing me kind of defeats the purpose." Cheng jokes but the glare he receives makes him pause. Maybe he had been a bad influence for Xichen over the last sixteen years. That glare was almost as deadly as his own.

"I dont want to hear it. You will get better."

Cheng just quietly finishes the tea as Xichen plays another melody on liebing. The tune is more up beat today and both of them relax slightly.

Jiang Cheng naps soon after and Xichen leaves to find something else to help.

Three hours later and Cheng is waking to cough flowers up once again his chest tightening considerably more than the last few times and he is coughing up new and stale blood and single petals before his vision blacks out leaving him with just enough strength to hide the basin before he is unconscious once more.

"Wanyin, wake up. Wanyin!" Xichens voice sounds scared and desperate and Jiang Cheng fights the pull of sleep to open his eyes slightly.

His sight is slightly distorted but he can tell Xichen is there his face close to his own. Golden eyes although blurry to Cheng are beautiful and the younger can guess the panic in those eyes and reaches a hand up to cup the elders cheek. "I'm fine, Xichen."

"You werent waking up. I got you something else." Xichen helps Cheng sit up as he wipes the sleep from his eyes and wipes the dry blood on his chin. Xichen holds the talisman out to Jiang Cheng who blinks in confusion at the unfamiliar design. "This talisman is supposed to draw out poisons and certain diseases."

"Xichen...I dont think that is a good idea." Jiang Cheng croaks out his throat hurting but Xichen places the talisman onto his chest and channels qi to activate it. The reaction is immediate as Jiang Cheng throws up more stale blood and retches at the acidic taste that fills his mouth. The poison from the flowers seeping from his body as he throws up in the basin Yu Yingyan had obviously cleaned. He would have to thank her.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng sits on the bed shaking from the cold even though it was only just the start of summer. Yunmeng was far from cold right now. Sweat glistening on his skin. Blankets wrapped around him as he looks over letters and documents for the sect.

Xichen was probably in the kitchen making another soup that seemed to help Jiang Cheng keep food down. It was all in vain but he was thankful for the elders efforts the past few weeks.

Cheng is looking over a letter about marriage when he feels it. The sudden coughing fit turns into shortness of breath and the sudden restlessness of knowing he was going to die. That his time was up. That his life span was over made him want to fight.

With the last of his strength he stands on shaking and thin legs grabbing his outer robes and dressing. He opens the doors to his room and finally sees it. The rainy season had begun. Big droplets of water fall from the sky bouncing off the dock and on the lakes surface creating beautiful sounds. Stepping out Jiang cheng laughs feeling like a child once again; like he was sneaking out into the rain to chase his brother. In a way he regrets not spending as much time with Wuxian but it was too late to dwell on.

The water is neither warm nor cold. It's the perfect mix and as Cheng walks to the docks edge he feels at peace. He is ready to die in this moment. He opens his arms out wide and smiles as he tilts his head up to the rain that falls.

With another laugh he breathes heavily, eyes closed.

"Wanyin." Xichen calls barely heard from the rain and the space between them. Then the elder is placing down the tray and heading into the rain too. Over to Jiang Cheng who looks to him, now soaked.

"Xichen, thank you." Jiang Cheng laughs suddenly and turns back to the lake just as Xichen comes to stand behind him.

"Why are you thanking me?"

"For being a great friend. For helping me when I needed it most. For saving me and telling me to fight when I wanted to give up. And most of all for helping me to become Yunmeng's leader."

"Wanyin...Jiang Cheng, stop. I dont want to hear this." Xichen frowns and Jiang Cheng turns to the elder who looks heartbroken as if he knew too Cheng was going to die. He would be right.

"Its the truth and I wont tell you again."

"Tell me you're not dying." Xichen blurts out suddenly and Cheng becomes somber once again. The rain not letting up so he is soaked to the bone now from lukewarm rain. Xichen is close to being considered soaked too.

"I cant lie." Jiang cheng admits then and Xichen snaps pulling the younger in for a tight hug that Jiang Cheng is able to reciprocate after a moment. "Xichen it's going to be alright. I promise you."

"No it isn't. How can you even think of leaving me? Why would you do this to me? I need you!"

"You dont need me, Lan Xichen. You never have and I'm the one that needed you." Cheng chuckles humourlessly as he strokes the elders wet hair being careful of the Lan ribbon. Xichen shakes his head and Jiang Cheng can feel the tears on his neck.

"I do need you! Dont leave me like this. There has to be something I can do. Anything!" Lan Xichen sobs and Cheng's heart breaks more with Xichen's. Still he knew he had to save Xichen's feelings.

Jiang cheng opens his mouth to explain something or to distract the elder when his knees buckle and then hes falling. Xichen cushions their fall and cradles Cheng even closer pressing his head into the younger hair. It's hard for Cheng to breathe as he half sits half lies in Xichen's lap.

"You can let me go, Xichen. You tried everything you could." Cheng's breaths come out in short huffs and the rain doesnt make it easier but he just hugs Xichen closer. "Let's meet in our next life, yeah?"

His heart hurts just from pumping blood through his veins and oxygen to his failing lungs filled with flowers and thorns. His breath hitches and leans his forehead against Xichen's cheek. The rain seems to be letting up slowly but surely and Jiang Cheng can see the setting sun emerge from the clouds that had previously hidden its descent.

"I cant do that...Jiang Cheng." Xichen turns his head slightly and his lips shakily kiss Cheng on the forehead. "Without you I have nothing. No one to call home or to comfort me...I-I love you too much to let you go."

"Xichen..." Jiang Cheng gasps slightly then the tightness in his chest returning ten fold.

"I've loved you for so long i forgot what it was like when we were just friends. I belong to you, Jiang Cheng only you. No one else. You have ensnared me in every way and I love you more for it."

"Xichen...Xichen, stop." Jiang Cheng gasps out trying to find the strength to fight the Lan off before he begins to cough again but it's in vain as he coughs petals onto the floor.

"Jiang Cheng...." Xichen gasps as he watches the flowers cascade to the floor. "Hanahaki."

"Don't-" Jiang Cheng begins but coughs vigorously more blooms falling from his lips; blood on the petals and dripping from his lips.

"Who-? Who is it? I must find them and they will confess I'm positive they will love you back- who wouldn't love you, Wanyin?" Xichen sobs into the youngers shoulder as he continues to cough more and more petals as they become older and the blood more stale.

"You..." Jiang Cheng sobs as tears fall from his eyes at the pain in his chest. The tightness becoming unbearable.

"What?"

"I love you." Jiang Cheng chokes out before more petals fall from his lips, the roses become more frail and turning into single petals.

"Wanyin, how could you- why didnt you tell me? I love you. I love you so much, dont leave me." Xichen sobs and sobs crying into the youngers shoulder as he channels qi into Cheng's core where the thorns had begun to recede but was damaged to the point of almost never being able to be treated.

Cheng places a hand on the elders cheek before he turns away to cough up more petals at the declaration of love. How romantic, Jiang Cheng muses sarcastically to himself, as he brings a hand to his lips where the blood trails down.

"I love you, Wanyin."

Jiang Cheng tries to reply but his throat is scratched up and the thorns are still there even if the hanahaki is vanishing or purging itself since the declaration of love from Xichen. It still is an ugly process and the iron taste of his blood makes him want to gag more.

Cheng convulses as the last blood, flowers and petals are thrown up. Xichen cradles him close even though they are both covered in blood and petals now. Neither cared. Pressure builds in his chest and suddenly Cheng cant breathe as something remains lodged in his throat. Xichen supplies more qi and the pressure is released as the seed that had caused the hanahaki falls from his lips to the dock.

Gasping Jiang Cheng falls back into Xichen trying to regain some of his breath before trying to speak to Xichen but the elder is still crying on his shoulder. Cheng wants to bring a hand to the elders cheek but his hands are bloody.

The rain begins its decent once again. Harsher than before and it bounces off the dock in big droplets soaking the two once again and washing the blood from the dock and wetting the petals.

Xichen stands after securing Cheng in his hold, his arms tight around the male who is breathing deeply, the water falling off them. Jiang Cheng rests his head on the Lan's shoulder before his eyes close and he falls unconscious.

Xichen takes a step to the sleeping quarters Cheng occupies and crushes the seed under his foot as anger bubbles in him.

"A-Cheng! Cheng Cheng I came to visit! Dont hide away. Where are-" Wuxian rounds the corner all smiles when his eyes land on the two. "Xichen-ge what-?"

"Wei Ying...." Wangji pauses from his stride to look to his brother and brother in law who was being carried by the elder. Blood on their robes. "Brother, is Wanyin...?"

"I will explain later." Xichen states but Wangji moves in front of his brother and places a hand on Jiang Cheng's forehead to channel qi into him. Also searching for the hanahaki.

"Its not there. The hanahaki has gone." Wangji states shocked as he heals the youngers remaining cuts on his throat and meridians that Xichen had obviously missed.

"You knew? I will talk to you later, Wangji." Xichen glares suddenly and walks into the sleeping quarter closing the door harshly.

"Hanahaki... Lan Zhan you knew about this?! A-Cheng..." Wuxian frowns in worry about to head into the room but Lan Wangji stops him.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Jiang Cheng remains unconscious for a full week as his body tries to heal and rest from the disease. Lan Xichen refuses to leave him and makes Lan Wangji take over his few responsibilities as sect leader. He wasnt fully back to being head but didnt want his uncle to do everything on his own.

"I cant believe A-Cheng didnt tell us." Wuxian sighs with a sad look in his eyes as he washes Jiang Cheng's face being extra careful with his dabbing of the lukewarm cloth.

"He did tell Wangji." Xichen glances pointedly to his brother who sits by the table with a cup of tea. Although he seems trained on the three on and by the bed.

"Didnt tell." Wangji explains making the two conscious people turn to him questioningly. "Only saw the petals on a night hunt."

"How long ago Lan zhan?" Wuxian frowns further.

"After brother finished seclusion. In Lanling."

"That long ago. You should have told us." Xichen sighs then and tries to think how long the hanahaki had been developing but he had been around Jiang Cheng since they were fifteen and eighteen respectively. There isnt a set time he could have developed it in Xichen's mind.

"Promised not to. Wanted to respect Wanyin." Lan Wangji states as he brings the cup to his lips and takes a sip. His hold on the cup is tight though and Xichen can tell Wangji had wanted to tell them and disagreed with Wanyin for lying.

"He was really going to die to save your feelings, Xichen-ge. That loyalty is rare and I swear if you cause my brother pain I will kill you. With or without a functioning core." Wuxian looks to his brother in law with a glare his eyes flashing red.

"I wouldn't do that...I love Wanyin." Xichen states to the younger who nods once before going back to washing his brothers face.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When Jiang Cheng wakes up the moonlight is dripping into the room encasing it in a ethereal glow. Jiang cheng turns his head and sees Wuxain is snuggled up in a ball on the chair, snoring. When had the idiot arrived? Oh well.

Moving to sit up he feels a weight on his hand and turns to see Xichen sound asleep on the side of the bed almost over the edge as he holds Cheng's hand in his own; close to his heart. The youngers heart melts slightly at that but he feels restless and full of energy. Something he had been out of supply of for the past six months. So as gently as possible he extracts his hand and stands from the bed.

Cheng had long since learnt where to stand so the floorboards didnt squeak and groan from his weight. The joys of having a light sleeper of a baby nephew.

He's almost at the door when he spots another person on the floor asleep, lying like the dead would. Cheng raises an eyebrow towards the sleeping Lan Wangji. He expected the elder to leave and go to his own room rather than follow his husbands idea of sleeping in the room. He would have to kill them all when they woke up.

He sighs as he grabs the blanket from the chest at the edge of the bed and lies it over the sleeping Lan.

Opening the door he steps out into the cool night with a sigh. It had felt stuffy in his room and his lungs felt like they were brand new and it feels good taking in gulps of air without worry. The hanahaki now gone and he could breathe easily. It felt nice to not be coughing every ten seconds even though he would have to confront Lan Xichen.

He just wanted a little more time to himself. To collect his thoughts.

Jiang Cheng sits on the dock. The dock that been his respite with a crying Jin Ling, then a place to rest with Xichen, a place to swim with his nephews as well as a place he had forcefully pushed Lan Wangji into the lake from when the elder had insinuated that Cheng wanted to hurt Lan Yuan and it had been the place he had almost died in Lan Xichen's arms.

This dock was his history. It held a great portion of memories good and bad with his loved ones. His feet soak in the water as his under robes become soaked as well. The smell of lotus flowers calming as the moon lights the lake.

Cheng grows tired of sitting on the dock and grubby from a obviously long sleep. His hair seems greasy and his body not feeling that much better in the clothes. He slips into the lake and sighs with relief. The lukewarm water comforting.

"Jiang Wanyin, why do you think it's acceptable to give me heart attacks every week?" A soft voice speaks up and Cheng tilts his head further back to see Xichen on the dock.

Standing from his floating Jiang Cheng smiles softly to the elder. "I would say I'm sorry but I'm not that sorry."

"Well at least you're feeling better." Xichen smiles brightly then and sits at the edge of the dock his hand held out for Cheng who swims over to grab it. "Come on, out of the lake before you shrivel up."

Jiang Cheng raises a brow and instead of hauling himself up pulls Xichen into the water with him. Robes and all. Xichen re-emerges from the water coughing.

"Jiang Cheng!"

"What? I didnt do anything. I thought you wanted to join." Jiang Cheng smirks and swims closer to the Lan so they are almost touching.

"In my robes?" Xichen scoffs but pulls Cheng closer still so his arms are round a slim waist and the younger rests his arms on wide shoulders.

"Yep. Why are Wuxian and Wangji here?"

"They came to visit and saw you unconscious in my arms. Wanyin, I want to kill you right now and I'm angry at you."

"I know and you can be. I never intended for you to find out." Cheng sighs then and Xichen pulls him closer placing a kiss on his freckled cheek.

"Why? Why couldn't you just tell me?" Xichen brings a hand to Jiang Cheng's cheek and he leans into it more closing his eyes for a moment. When he opens them again he comes face to face with sad golden eyes.

"I didnt want to trap you with me. I know you couldnt deal with another person manipulating you in any way. It was easier to die."

"Die just like my mother did? Leave me just like my father did? Give up on me just like Da ge did? I want you not because I have to but because you have given love so freely and expected nothing. I loved you before I knew about the disease and I still love you. Cant that be enough?"

"Xichen..." Jiang Cheng gapes at the Lan who moves them through the water before hauling Cheng onto the dock following moments later. "Of course that's enough but what if it's too much for you?"

"It isnt. I promise you." Xichen smiles softly leaning over to finally kiss Jiang Cheng on the lips. Its light and sweet and ends all too soon. "I'll give you my entire heart if you want it because Lan's fall in love once and it may have taken a decade or two but I know I am yours completely."

Cheng opens his mouth to reply but nothing comes out so instead he leans closer to Xichen planting his lips on the elders soft lips. The kiss is more drawn out this time and he deepens it by pulling Xichen closer his hand steady on the Lan's neck. Moving so his body is facing Xichen, his bell that had been tied onto his sash of his under robes, rings and Xichen pulls away to breath looking down to the Jiang bell on the others hip.

"Why can I hear your bell?"

"Only loved ones and family can hear the bell. As it is infused with our spiritual energy." Jiang cheng explains with a deep sigh as he leans his forehead against the Lans shoulder.

"I've heard it for six years now. I didnt know it meant that."

"Its a family secret."

"I promise I wont tell," Xichen whispers and Cheng laughs, a sharp sudden breath, as he looks up to a smiling Xichen. "I wont tell if you accept my Lan ribbon."

"Your ribbon?" Jiang Cheng questons as the Lan loosens his blue ribbon so it is in his hand; the metal on his palm. The younger knew the ribbon was for restraint but Wuxian had interrupted the lesson before Lan Qiren could finish.

Xichen nods and then begins to wrap it around Jiang Cheng's wrist, skilled fingers tying it. Cheng looks to his wrist. Now gone was Zidian replaced by the Lan ribbon. It felt like a comfort to have a weight back on his wrist that hadn't wielded Zidian for a few weeks.

"I accept anything you give to me but isnt it for restraint?"

"That and its sacred so only family and cultivation partners can touch it."

"You mean-"

"A-Cheng, marry me?" Xichen interrupts as the younger eyes widen, his lips open in silent shock. Then Jiang Cheng laughs.

"Yes, I guess I could. I haven't got anything better to do." Cheng continues to laugh as Xichen pulls him closer once again and they are both smiling when they kiss once again.

"I love you." Xichen whispers as they pull away, leaning his forehead against Jiang Cheng's.

"I love you too." Jiang Cheng whispers with a small peck to Xichen's lips before they are turning to watch the rising sun from the dock.